littlebearbigchub

[littlebearbigchub]

These pants definitely aren’t too small and my shirt is definitely big enough to hide my belly and love handles 😌

[littlebearbigchub]

I like to think I’m successfully riding that line between beefy/chubby and doughy/fat as we head into the holiday season but somehow I doubt I’m succeeding? 🤔

Idk. I went and bought bigger sweat pants (M) today, which is a concession I guess because 2 years ago smalls were big on me. I’ve only crept back up to 144 or so but my thighs are rubbing again so I know the regains aren’t all muscle even though I’ve made some strength gains. What do you think?

[littlebearbigchub]

Fat boy fall 🍁🍂🫃

Recently I’ve had some renewed delusion that I can still trim this waist down because I managed to get to about 140 lbs at the beginning of the month (work stress). I think I’ve put a few back on in relationship weight though because I can feel my thighs rubbing again. I keep trying to tell myself that I’m still smaller than my heaviest but seeing pictures like this… yeah, maybe not so much. My new boyfriend keeps telling me that he likes my muscles but they’d really pop more if I was more careful with my diet. It’s a blow to my ego but at least it’s good motivation.

[littlebearbigchub]

I ordered a vodka sprite twice at the club last night and apparently both of the twink bartenders were judgmental, looked my pudgy body in my too tight outfit up and down and thought, “Honey, let me do you the favor of a lower calorie alternative,” because I got served vodka sodas both times 🤡🐷

[littlebearbigchub]

Update August 2024:

Today I did 5 pull ups in a row. This is the most consecutive that I’ve done in probably a year.

I also got on the scale dehydrated and post poop this morning and weighed 144.4 lbs.

These are not coincidental events. In my past few years of gaining I have been humiliated repeatedly by getting too fat to lift myself and being unable to gain the strength to compensate.

The worst part is that I haven’t even been trying to cut. About 6 weeks ago I was just happened to be talking to a personal trainer in a civilian context and he explained to me how I’ve been consuming protein crucially inefficiently for a bulk.

I feel so fucking stupid. For YEARS, I’ve been eating meals that were protein bombs thinking I could get through my macros to pig out how I wanted the rest of the day. One simple change and I reconstitute >4 lbs in a month.

If anything I think I’m eating more but the fat around my organs has definitely decreased which is extremely reliving since visceral fat is so dangerous.

Even last year I would probably have embraced this weight loss as relieving but after several years of gaining I’m no longer willing to give up the (subcutaneous) fat I’ve accumulated. Every pound is so erotic and I’m finally feeling ready to incorporate my weight and fetish into my romantic relationships.

For now I’m just trying to make a point to eat extra treats and such but I’m hopeful that despite some weight loss this change will eventually enable me to gain the strength necessary to lift myself through my upcoming weight goals.

I’m so satisfied with what this process of fattening has done to my body. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to humiliate myself with my fat everyday for the rest of my life.

[littlebearbigchub]

That double chin 👀, I knew the rest of your face had to be blowing up too

I’ve gotta play it up a bit for the camera but it doesn’t take much with this weak jawline. If only I wasn’t so patchy maybe I could grow some facial hair to hide it.

[littlebearbigchub]

So, I don’t know why this never sunk in before, but yesterday I realized that since putting another 3 inches onto my waistline this past year, my body fat percentage has been estimated to be in the obese range, which is greater than 25% “for men” and greater than 32% “for women.” I always reassured myself that the estimators that use tape measures must not be accurate when I got this result but then last week I just took the pluge and got some calipers off Amazon and *glup* I was actually borderline too fat to use them. They’re really only designed for measuring body fat at healthy rages and when I was trying to measure my belly fat I understood why - I could barely get it in there ���� So right now at 5”4, 150 lbs and a 39” waist, no matter what method of measurement, my body fat percentage is estimated to be between 27-29%. Every single association that puts out guidelines calls that obese for men.

It’s super interesting because we all know that BMI is pretty bullshit - it doesn’t take body composition into account at all. That said though, when I was googling about why we use BMI instead of BF% to determine being overweight/obese, I found a handful of articles/studies concluding that BMI actually significantly underestimates the incidence of obesity compared to measuring body fat percentage.

It’s not clear to me what the implications are of this. Of course, I understand that being overweight and obese are culturally contextual concepts that elude objective localization in earth reality. All of this is really just a long winded seeking of validation of my fatness.

Like, there’s a part of me that is really gratified by this idea because I really do feel obese inside. It feels validating to learn this after being brushed off by multiple irl people when I tried to open up to them about being worried about how I felt I was getting fat but couldn’t seem to stop gaining weight.

It also makes me realize how much more extreme my goal of 180 lbs is than I realized when I set it. I could be around 40% at that weight if most of what I put on is fat. And honestly it does make some significant sense to me that I might already be in the first class of obesity. Right around going from 145 to 150 lbs I feel a serious shift in how my body is able to cope with fitness things that I’ve talked about before. Mainly that cardio sucks so much that I don’t want to do it and I can’t do more than one or two pull ups in a row. There was a time when I could do 10 back when I was around 130 lbs. But I got too heavy and lazy. (Also my thighs constantly chafe now.)

Like, yeah, I was chubby before. But now, obese or just overweight, I’m fat. For real FAT. It just makes me question how deeply lost in the sauce I am that I would take this so far. I’m in awe of this incredible living nightmare.

And I’m so hungry 😮‍💨

[littlebearbigchub]

Obsessed with this vibration plate and the fact that I look enormous. Holy cow. What real actual fat boy. What I’ve done to myself is shocking and embarrassing. I should be alarmed but instead I’m just going to get fatter.

[littlebearbigchub]

Face is looking fatttt

This is an excellent example of the sort of mean messages I’m trying to elicit with this blog. Thank you. The fact that you’re not exaggerating and that this is what people around me must be thinking is my favorite part.

Pretty confident that you haven’t seen my face since I don’t share it on this account (this page is about exploring how much I genuinely love fat and to do that I have to “try on” some pretty intense ideas and I don’t want any anxiety to interfere with that).

But you’re 100% correct 🥵 I got some new ID photos taken recently and I was genuinely shocked by my face. I told myself it was salt or a hangover and nervously went back to eating 😖.

Insecurity about my face getting fat has been a significant barrier to my gains in the past because I really just don’t have the features for it. But the other day I saw some pictures of chubby guys with beards and when I thought about being like that myself I managed to shoot so I’m hopeful it’s just something that I need to get used to.

[littlebearbigchub]

I love exploring new ways to celebrate my fat so when I saw these new takes on old school vibration plates all over TikTok I knew I had to try one - the way they make blubber move is so hot and sexy!! Just look at all that jiggle!!!

Pulling it out of the box I had to laugh at this description 🤣 if only the manufacturers knew that I bought this just to better feel all my lard shaking! 🤭 Feeling my love handle and underarm fat just QUAKE with vibrations is better than I could have even hoped. 10/10 sensory experience. highly recommend.

[littlebearbigchub]

As usual, gym OOTD is: “Hasn’t accepted that he needs to size up.” 🐷 skipping cardio and letting my shirt ride up in front of everyone when I do my lifts.

I’m really being a fat slut recently. I’ve just been crushing my protein goals after a lengthy period of being too depressed to build muscle. I am feeling so BIG and loving the growing strength. I’m just totally embracing my appetite and the jiggles.

Oh course, I’m sure that it’s only a matter of time before I start freaking out again about the new highs on the scale and make another pathetic attempt at losing some of it. I’m not worried though. I know where I’m eventually going to end up and it’s going to make me so happy.

Standing at the precipice of stepping off the cliff of the 150 lb range is as thrilling and euphoric as it is genuinely terrifying. I can see myself and my path to 165 lbs (which would be my ideal next pit stop on my way to my goal of obesity at 180 lbs) but dang, I’m gonna be ruined physically and mentally if I’m not careful. I think that so long as I keep in shape I can mostly convince myself that my weight isn’t /too/ bad but it’s such a tight line to walk to not get fat too fast to stay fit (for me at least) and it gets more and more tempting to be lazy with every extra pound.

I’ve also basically decided that I’m gonna seek medication related to diabetes prophylactically when I reach that point. Like, I can eat as plant based as possible and work out to support my cholesterol and blood pressure but with my family history and signs of insulin insensitivity already appearing at a certain weight I’m gonna need some sort of pancreatic support - to minimize the squeeze from visceral fat if nothing else (besides more subq would be sexyyyyyyy) I’ve made a ridiculous delusional plan that I could access something like that and it could actually really support my gain by preventing damage from my obesity instead of reacting to it and hopefully minimize the chances of being in a situation where I have to lose weight for my health.

“Piggy boy is such a fatass that he needs meds because he just can’t say no to ice cream, doc. That’s why his belly is spilling out of his shirt and he’s up 10 pounds year over year for the past 5 years. You better do something quick before he starts tipping past 200 lbs and the gains accelerate until he can barely waddle back into this office.”

[littlebearbigchub]

God, I love how this shirt exposes my GUT. Catching myself in the mirror looking wiiiiide and feeling my belly bounce while I putzed around got me so worked up that I left before doing cardio.

Instead I’m just sitting around relaxing and appreciating feeling like a fatass. I can hardly believe it can feel so good to just exist in my body. 🫣 it’s really making it a hard time ignoring how much more incredible it would feel to gain another 10-15 lbs (and another and another 🫠) and knowing that I am definitely still willingingly and intentionally on track to obesity. It’s kind of blowing me away and up.

If you want to help me wrap my head around what I’ve done to myself so I can emotionally process and keep getting bigger feel free to tag me in or send me posts of guys you think I’m comparatively as fat as. I need to understand what I look like to other people so I can accept myself and keep getting fatter. Appreciation in advance.

[littlebearbigchub]

Local cowboy sits in car outside gym and plays with his fat instead of going in 🐽

[littlebearbigchub]

Got myself a bagel with cream cheese 🥯 🐷 I love advertising who I am.

Okay, it didn’t come out perfect but I love it. Can’t wait to wear this out.

[littlebearbigchub]

Not kidding. Wearing this to the gym tomorrow💪🏋️🐷

Okay, it didn’t come out perfect but I love it. Can’t wait to wear this out.

[littlebearbigchub]

Okay, it didn’t come out perfect but I love it. Can’t wait to wear this out.

[littlebearbigchub]

At my heaviest weight I’ve never been more certain that I only love fat. Several things have happened recently though that have pushed me to try to maintain a semblance of restraint.

1. I had to throw away a bunch of clothes. I was moving (ultimate motivation to declutter) and it was time to face facts: these shorts/pants haven’t fit in 30 pounds and

2. My food addiction has relapsed hard after I justified an extended binge as necessary to expedite a drug screen (I passed). I’m back to barely consciously downing hundreds of calories in junk through the night when my prefrontal cortex is too offline to inhibit acting on my core desire. I keep recommitting to eating light but at the end of the day when I tally it all up it’s about 3,500 calories 😅

3. I have chub rub now. CHUB RUB. HELP

4. It’s getting easier and easier to talk about the reality of my gain with people irl. People close to me can’t refute it any longer and this weekend I earned my first joke about it. I wasn’t even really the butt of things but it’s always such a euphoric slap in the face when anyone acknowledges my growth.

I’ve been trying to make plans to trim down again but I’m starting to suspect that this cycle of mine is just a coping mechanism. I love getting fat and I have every intention of continuing to gain.