littlecheeeseman - Tumblr blog

littlecheeeseman · 3 months ago

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if 'i' am the stars, then you are the moon

Written as part of the @wheeloffatezine project which you can check out the full version here!

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The sky through the foggy bus windows is something HiMERU has found himself fixating on recently. It’s difficult to see anything but the blurry street lights they pass by, but he’s counting them one, two, three... Amagi’s head is on his shoulder, snoring away, Oukawa and Shiina on the other side of the bus, a half empty sweets wrapper between them (they had offered some to HiMERU and pointedly not to Amagi. He accepted, of course, and Amagi tried to steal it from him anyway), the quiet hum of the bus heater, and the tinny sounds of the radio station the driver listens to when he thinks they’re all asleep create a space where HiMERU relaxes his shoulders and his jaw. There’s nobody judging him here.

The stars in the sky are blotted out by light pollution, which is a shame he thinks, since he’s always wanted to see the night sky for what it really is.

Amagi shifts, nuzzling his face into HiMERU’s neck and mumbling something, but otherwise doesn’t wake up. HiMERU brings a hand up to the window and traces the outline of a star as best as he can in the fogged up glass. He’ll wipe it away before the rest of Crazy:B wakes up, but for now he leaves it be. Just like the stars in the night sky are diminished by the city lights, so too is HiMERU stifled by the life he chooses to live. The other members of his unit keep trying to get to know the real him, and he desperately wishes they could, but…

The bus rolls to a stop at an intersection. Amagi stirs slightly and the pressure is removed from HiMERU’s shoulder. He misses the warmth but doesn’t say anything. ‘Re we there yet, a drowsy Amagi asks. Not yet, HiMERU thinks we only have a few more blocks though. Amagi sighs and wraps an arm around HiMERU’s shoulder, pulling him closer. HiMERU lets the warmth overtake him, just for these few brief minutes until they get to their destination. Well, ‘m already awake, so tell me what yer thinkin’ Merumeru. HiMERU was simply thinking about how it’s a shame you can’t see the stars for their beauty in the city. Mmm, yeah I thought that too when I first came t’ the city, I’d like to take you to see the stars from my village someday. Just HiMERU? Well everyone in Crazy:B obviously, but especially you, you’d like ‘em a lot. Is that so? Yeah, I think you’d look pretty in the starlight.

HiMERU turns his head to look at Amagi who is leaned back in his seat, arm still wrapped around HiMERU’s shoulder (they’d have to let go when they got off the bus. It’s not proper for idols to be seen in public like this, but he wants so bad to relish in Amagi’s warmth for as long as possible). Amagi’s face is serene, no act to put up, no crowd to tease, no expectations to be met. They’re the same in that way, HiMERU thinks. If their fans ever saw this side of him, what would they think?

The bus pulls up to the hotel and the lights turn on. They have to wait for their manager to check them in, but everyone takes the opportunity to stretch. Alright, room assignments! Amagi practically yells which makes HiMERU cringe. I’m not rooming with you Rinne-kun, you were such a blanket hog last time, Kohaku-chan will let me room with him though right? Yeah, yeah, whatever Niki-han. Well it looks like we’re roommates for the night, Merumeru~. HiMERU made sure that Vice President reserved rooms with two beds this time, so don’t get any ideas, Amagi. Awww, you’re no fun Merumeru.

HiMERU rolls his eyes and grabs his backpack from under the seat. They’d only be at this hotel for one night before making it back to ES. He just has to put up with it for one singular night. It can’t possibly be that hard.

Amagi practically drags HiMERU off the bus to their room once their manager finishes checking them in, suitcases in tow. Once they’re alone in the elevator, HiMERU lets his head lean into Amagi’s shoulder, as Amagi’s hand finds his own. HiMERU said not to get any ideas. Is it wrong for me to want to hold my boyfriend’s hand in private? Himeru pulls his head away from Amagi, who is attempting to pull off a kicked puppy face after being scolded. Can it at least wait until we’re in our room? You really are no fun sometimes Merumeru. HiMERU only wants to preserve our reputations, you never know who is watching. Fiiiine, if ya say so. The elevator dings and they step out, hands dropping to their sides.

Amagi all but kicks the door to their room in, dropping his suitcase in the entryway and making a beeline for the nearest bed. Himeru slides his shoes off and leans his own suitcase against the wall before following after Amagi. And here I thought you were going to take the other bed~ Amagi teases, hand finding Himeru’s again, to which Himeru doesn’t object. Y’know, you don’t have to be such a hardass sometimes. It is a…difficult habit to break. Well I got all the time in the world to help ya out. That is unnecessary, Amagi.

The air conditioner kicks on and the two of them sit on the bed in silence for a few moments. Himeru runs a thumb over Amagi’s knuckles. Before Amagi came to the city, were his hands this rough? What would it have been like to hold them? Himeru studies the tiny scars that litter Amagi’s hand, thumb wandering down to trace them. Amagi always says that they’re proof he never gave up on his dream.

Amagi stretches his back and yawns, lifting Himeru’s arm with his own. You smell awful, Himeru comments, catching a whiff of Amagi’s body odor. Yeah I haven’t showered since before the show, huh. HiMERU suggests taking one before we go to sleep or he actually will sleep in the other bed. Yes Mom, Amagi grumbles before sliding off the bed and slinking off towards the bathroom. Himeru takes the opportunity to stretch his own back and lay down on the bed for a few moments. His body is stiff from their intense show that day, and he hadn’t expected them to do an extra three songs as an encore, but Amagi, err, Rinne, kept dragging them back up on stage as the fans cheered. At least they were well loved by their fans, though he wishes he had stretched just a little bit more before they got on the bus.

He can hear Amagi turn on the shower and debates joining him for a brief moment. The warm water over his sore muscles would certainly help him relax before bed, but it would be…weird to join the other man in the surely cramped hotel shower. Even if they had been dating for several months by this point. He’ll just wake up early and shower then.

Instead, Himeru stands up rather ungracefully and moves to stand out on the balcony and enjoy the fresh night air instead. It’s cold as he breathes it in, but much better than the almost stale air of their bus. He should talk to the Vice President about getting a better air filter for it. Himeru looks up at the sky, tracing what constellations there were with his eyes. Amagi, Rinne, had mentioned seeing the stars from his home village. What would they look like from there? Himeru has seen photos of the night sky in areas with less light pollution, but even when he was attending university overseas, he hadn’t been able to see it for himself. It would surely be a sight to behold, with Ama--with Rinne at his side.

Himeru is lost in thought and jumps at the sudden warmth at his back from who he can only assume is Rinne. You smell better. I used that fancy body wash you got me for my birthday. HiMERU thought you were above such things and said as much when you opened it. Yeah, well, it smelled nice and you always smell good so I figured I’d give it a shot, do you love me even more? HiMERU’s opinion on you won’t change over body wash. You wound me. Himeru laughs softly, turning so that he’s facing Rinne, held against the railing of the balcony. What were you thinkin’ about out here anyway? Nothing in particular. I don’t believe you. When do you ever believe HiMERU? When you say you love me. Is that all? Nah, when you get angry yer pretty honest too. Is that supposed to be a compliment? If you want it to be. He does not. Then it ain’t, but seriously, whatcha thinkin’ about? The stars. Again? It’s only natural to be curious about them. I guess, but y’know you got somethin’ more interesting to think about right in front of you. HiMERU doesn’t think the balcony door is all that interesting. You’re gonna kill me one of these days, Merumeru. Maybe that’s what he’s trying to do, don’t you think HiMERU would make a good leader for Crazy:B? And now yer replacin’ me, poor Rinne-kun can’t catch a break!

Himeru shifts again to look back out over the street as Rinne places his chin on Himeru’s shoulder. What do the stars look like in your village? There’s so many of ‘em, you wouldn’t believe it’s the same sky in the city, an’ I don’t think you’d want to go back if you like the stars so much. HiMERU will take you up on that bet then. Heh, finally rubbing off on ya, huh. If it helps you sleep at night. Nah, but I think I know what will help. Himeru starts to respond before being pulled backwards by Rinne into the hotel. Rinne spins them around and slides the balcony door shut while pushing Himeru away, maybe a little rougher than intended. Just go along with it, Himeru tells himself. He reorients himself, just in time for Rinne to pull him back in as music softly plays from his phone. It’s tinny and almost hard to hear, like the volume is at the lowest setting, but the melody is slow and gentle. Rinne places a hand on Himeru’s waist, the other taking Himeru’s left hand and they start to sway to the music.

HiMERU never took you for a romantic. ‘M not, most of the time. What makes it so special now? How you were lookin’ at the stars. Himeru raises an eyebrow. Listen listen, I’m not…You were just too beautiful out there y’know, I almost didn’t want to interrupt you. And yet. You’re fun to mess with, that’s all. Himeru rolls his eyes, taking the lead and turning to face the balcony door again, streetlights filtering in and bathing the room in a cool glow. HiMERU does not appreciate being messed with. Then why’re you still here?

Himeru pauses, continuing to sway to the music but his movements slow down as he thinks. While Rinne’s shenanigans are…annoying at the best of times, he knows Rinne better now. A man who can’t be honest about his feelings, hiding them under a rough personality (is he describing the man in front of him or himself?), the more they clashed, the closer they grew. Without Rinne, Himeru wouldn’t have been able to make his comeback as an idol, and for that he was eternally grateful, but there was more to it than that.

Because ‘I’ want to be. You were scarin’ me for a second there Merumeru. Consider it payback for earlier. Now yer just bein’ mean. Himeru laughs, and allows himself to be spun around by the other man. To take this moment and save it in a photo wouldn’t be enough, he wants to live in it forever. They’re tangled in each other’s arms, Rinne pulls Himeru in close and they sway back and forth to the music still playing from the phone on the TV stand. Y’know, I love you when yer like this. Like what? Soft, smiling, happy, I feel like you’re always grumblin’ about something or just distant from everyone, so it’s nice to know you’ve got feelings deep down in ya. Himeru extracts himself from Rinne’s hold and turns to face him directly again, their hands still intertwined. HiMERU has always had emotions, he just doesn’t like to show them. And that’s exactly the problem sometimes. You are hardly one to talk, Rinne. Yeah yeah, I know, and that’s why we’re perfect for each other. The music swells as much as it can over the phone speaker and Rinne pulls Himeru back in, his free hand caressing Himeru’s jaw.

God, you’re so pretty like this Merumeru. Himeru leans in to the touch, indulging himself this once (as if he won’t do it again, and again, and again). Letting his emotions take control, Himeru leans further in, lips just ghosting over Rinne’s in a dare to reciprocate. Rinne hesitates, but meets Himeru where he is, their lips pressing firm against each other for just a moment before they pull away. A flash in the pan, but one that Himeru wants to remember for as long as he can.

No kissing before marriage, huh? Shut up.

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