littlelionladi - Tumblr blog

[littlelionladi]

After a lot of thinking I'm pretty sure I'm gonna try to move on from my last relationship. I can't keep begging for him back. I deserve more than that and to be treated as a back up or something. It's been very back and forth on what I want but I can only see this as a solution. I love him a lot but I can't keep doing this.

[littlelionladi]

This Is Not a Love Poem

This is the last poem that I will write to you. I will not talk about your eyes For they never spoke to me. I will not talk about your hands For they learned to hurt me. I will not talk about the past. Because it will make me cry.

This is the last poem that I will write to you. So I will only tell you what you need to know. I became a letter sealed shut after you met me. A bottle shaken up and ready to explode. You became a bad taste in my mouth And the trembling in my hands. You became the lump in my throat.

This is the last poem that I will write to you Because I do not like the feeling of shaking hands Or tears that do not stop falling for three weeks straight I do not like the words I must tell myself before I fall asleep It is not your fault. This is not your fault.

This is the last poem that I will write to you And I wish you well Wherever you may go—halfway across the world To a land I may never know.

This is the last poem that I will write to you. And the same way I will try to forget the bad things I will lose the way you held my hand. I will lose the way you stroked my hair. I will lose the way you gave me your jacket.

This is the last poem that I will write to you And the same way I know I cannot forget the bad things I will miss having your hand to hold. I will miss having you play with my hair. I will miss having your warm jacket to wrap around myself. 

This is the last thought I will try to give to you.

JAC

[littlelionladi]

I don’t know what I am anymore. I feel nothing, just emptiness. Well, it’s not always nothing. Sometimes I feel free, like I can be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do. Sometimes I feel lost, because you were the best thing I had ever had, and right now it feels like the best thing I will ever have. Sometimes I feel happy for you, because you’re moving on with your life, you’re doing what’s best for you. The worst is when I’m with people, though, because then I’m trapped, forced to smile, to act like nothing’s amiss. I want to scream at them to leave me alone, go away, LEAVE; but as soon as they do I’m left with the crushing emptiness-that-isn’t-empty, the horrible aloneness, and I try to answer the question: how do I start to move on?

[littlelionladi]

Breakups

Experiencing a heart aching and world changing breakup first hand is difficult. You suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-confidence, and of course you feel lost. It’s not forget the late nights of feeling like nothing in the world is going right.. and those nights where you can literally cry all night until the sun dries off the tears on your cheeks. While they look amazing and happy in their pictures they post and how they look so damn happy without you. You think to yourself how? How can they just forget about all those moments? Those mornings where you lay in bed waking up smiling and saying good morning to each other. The feeling of being able to sleep peacefully next to the person you just can’t live without. Being able to know that whatever day it is they’re going to be apart of it even without being physically there.

I’ve had those days where I just didn’t want to live because I felt like there was nothing live can offer anymore.. but I was so wrong. No matter how far and how hard you fall or how deep you’re stuck.. there’s always sunlight and a way out. You might have to crawl your way back, but breakups allow some sort of new way on the outlook of life.

I never ever thought of myself as an outdoor person.. but I love hiking now. I’m not sure if its the hike itself or the moment where you reach the top of the mountain to see how beautiful life and the world is. Let’s not forget meeting new people, spending time with your friends and seeing just how your social life expands. 

Breakups can be difficult, dark, confusing, but it’s also beautiful in some mysterious way. There’s always a silver-lining in everything in life. Today I mark the day where I can breathe.. freely. 

[littlelionladi]

Trying to have will power after a breakup... Not my strong point. But hey, I've got one day under my belt. Here's to it getting a little better!

[littlelionladi]

So my boyfriend broke up with me. And I feel like my world has been flipped upside down. All I want to do is cry in my bed. After four years, I thought it was ok to think of a future, but that wasn't the case. I feel like I got a bullshit excuse for the breakup, but I kept trying to make it work. But he didn't want to. I wish I knew what to do. But every time I break down into tears or an anxiety attack, I tell myself this again and again. I know my worth. I know I'm a catch. I've got to believe that

[littlelionladi]

Everything Stays

[littlelionladi]

Doodling how I'm feeling.

[littlelionladi]

Good day and some bad days.

[littlelionladi]

“Reconciliation” from Keystone Motel. We arranged and performed this version of “Stronger Than You” with some inspiration from one of Jeff Liu’s improvisations.

[littlelionladi]

The original demo for “Everything Stays”

I was so glad to get to write this song for the Adventure Time miniseries Stakes, and so honored to be cast as Marceline’s mother!

This song is based off an early memory of losing a stuffed animal, a black rabbit. I found it a year later, laying on it’s back in the garden. The sun had faded it’s underside, so that it now had a white belly. It wasn’t better, or worse, just different. It was the first time I realized that things will change no matter what, even if they’re left alone, and stay completely still. 

Thanks so much to Adam Muto for thinking of me for this! And to Tim Kiefer for his wonderful final arrangement!

[littlelionladi]

My boyfriend has to deal with a lot.

[littlelionladi]

So I'm trying out Tumblr for the first time in forever. This is the doodle I made for my boyfriend about updating his bows on COD.

[littlelionladi]