littleserendibity

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imperator and baby perpetua

headcanons below the cut!

i have no idea what the canon lore is at this point, so this is pure headcanon. i think when copia and perpetua were born, copia took more after nihil and perpetua took after imp. imperator loved them both, but she couldn’t look at copia without being reminded of nihil, and that made her resent him a little bit—so she favored perpetua. in her mind, perpetua was her boy and copia was nihil’s (nihil, on the other hand, was a terrible father and barely even remembered he had kids).

i also think once they knew it was going to be twins, the ministry (at that point imp didn’t have much influence, and nihil was just a figurehead) decided that it would be a perfect opportunity to train someone to be papa from birth (part of their reasoning, also, was that they could take one of them because imp had a spare. none of them would ever voice that explicitly, though, because imp would kill them). the ministry kept the plan secret, and waited a few years to let their personalities develop a little bit. when the time came, perpetua had more promise, so they took him. imp was devastated, but didn’t have the power to say no or the freedom to escape (and nihil was pretty powerless, so she couldn’t even compel him to do anything). 

perpetua was shipped off to an undisclosed chapter of the ministry, and everyone was made to keep it a secret from copia that he had ever had a twin. imp raised copia, and still loved him and did her best, but resented him even more because not only did he look like nihil (who she, at this point, had a very toxic on-and-off relationship with) but in a twisted sort of way, if he hadn’t been born the ministry wouldn’t have taken perpetua. so she did her best, but copia could always tell that she wished he was someone else. and as much as he tried to be what she wanted, it was never good enough. nothing he ever did, no matter how impressive, was enough for her (because she wanted perpetua, not him, but he didn’t know that. he just thought she thought he was a disappointment). by the time the old leadership had died and/or retired, and imperator was in charge and finally had power, it was too late (and i think the ministry works sort of like the vatican, where you can’t really undo past decisions. and they definitely also got rid of all the records imp could have used to find perpetua, bc she would have tried anyway).

and the imperator died, and copia was “promoted” to make room for perpetua to finally come back and be papa. once copia met him, he started putting the pieces together (and what do you do with the long-lost twin who was the reason you were never enough for your mother? how do you celebrate his achievements, when he replaced you? how can you treat him like a brother when he was a secret that ruined your life for decades, only to ruin it more when he was finally revealed?). so copia is struggling, a little, with these new developments. 

anyway. i think imperator was truly doing her best, and so was copia. and none of it is perpetua’s fault at all but he’s the only one left to blame.

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Fucking V

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“After the ball” by Henri Lucien Doucet, 1889

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Sketches by Alfons Mucha

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depressed kids in the media: I don’t wanna go to therapy! I don’t need help! I’m not some specimen for you to dissect!

me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week

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i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

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does tumblr know that goncharov made it into empire film magazine ?

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difficult recovery prompts

Nightmares

Won’t wake up

Can’t/won’t speak

Overheated

Hypothermic

Sickly

A fever that breaks

A fever that won’t let up

In too much pain to sleep

Lingering effects of poison

Applying bandages

Removing bandages

Stitched up wound(s)

Can’t stop shaking

Finally, water

Finally, food

No appetite

Drawn and frail

Pounding headache

Unsteady on feet

Falls trying to leave room

Not quite themself anymore

Hopelessness

Sore and achy

Fading bruises

Tense muscles

A slow-mending break

Impatient and frustrated

A balm or lotion

Touch starved

Side effects of medicine

Too much medicine

Not enough medicine

Recovering lost and alone

Recovering safe at home

Recovering while still with whumper

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The Birth of Venus by Botticelli figure/bjd

Part of The Table Museum collection by Freeing

Link: |X|

It’s super breathtaking:

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ultraviolence

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mater dolorosa, mother of sorrows.

prints available here

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There should be a specific fashion item for keeping your sleeves rolled up. Like big clasping arm bracelets. I think this would improve morale in the gay community somewhat.

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More scuba hand signals from the PADI website. I thought they might be helpful for those writing Scuba!Gordon, WASP!Gordon or Marine biologist!Gordon.

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shoutout to the slow artists. the artists with hardly any time for art. the artists who reach the end of the day with no energy for art. you got this i believe in you and you are no less valued than anyone else