littlet33th - Tumblr blog

[littlet33th]

hmmm long no post anyways im 50.9kg wich is close to 50kg gw1 n then 44kg gw2 44kg being finally undereight plus being caught a lil ended up in the er sum times anyways better now i hope my nutritionist gets em lies so i can start t faster n go on w me ed

[littlet33th]

i m so tired i just want do b disscone td from the world i want to sleep

[littlet33th]

i just keep getting worse i just want to end it all right now

[littlet33th]

i know i am loosing, even tho its just a little bit bcs of my period n all that but i feel so scared of the second i might gain weight

[littlet33th]

when i purged today i only got water with little pieces of the food ive eaten, it wasnt even 15 min after i started eating yet it was everything that came out, i weigted myself after giving up sonce not even water came out after 20 minutes purging and i was the same weight as b4 eating 66.6kg so im not too mad but, where the fuck did the food go- i feel like the start of dissaciation bcs i cant stop thinking abt the calories i might not have purged, its omad and only 700 worth of calories max but still i feel so scared of weighting tomorrow, plus i might have to eat n not purge the tomorrow n the day after cuz i wont be home and i CANT GAIN WEIGHT it will b the end of me i can breathe i dont want to gain anything i dont want to fuck up anymore i feel like attemptingto kms again, but last time i went to the ward i was told that if i end up there again (it was 4 times in a row just in 2 months) i would be forced to stay as long as the doctors wanted me there and get tubed (i used to pull em out back in the day tho) idk i feel so hopeless and hyped at the same time cuz i will go to a cool place and buy cute shit but damn i dont want to go out i dont want to see people i dont want to eat i just want to stop everything and relax, i just want to die

[littlet33th]

ok im down to 66.7, im not that homicidal anymore lmao, yesterday i purged what i ate w my parents, but then i went out with my friend to the gym, did around 50 min running so not too bad, l8r we bought food but it was low kcal so im not too angry 😎

[littlet33th]

i fucking mantained im homicidal :)

[littlet33th]

i relapsed after a really bad recovery attempt gaining over 15kg in just 3 months so my new hw and sw would b 72.6kg but im down to 67.3kg after 2 weeks, i started by restricting and exercising the first week until i realiced that the only friend i hang out with made me binge, so i decided to start purging my only meal a day (cuz im forced to eat with my parents n well they not the best out there so i cant even say no to them or theyll go batshit crazy) so i just do omad n purge it the moment i go to my room, and in case i go out with my friend, i choose really low cal food or purge if im able to without her knowing. also we started going to the gym even tho i dont want to cuz im done with exercising cuz i fucking hate it, but i just do whatever she does and sometime we go for long walks even tho it freezes in here so yeah yay imma post abt what i ate n how i purged n how i felt n shit like that anyways

[littlet33th]

im not new to edtumblr but i forgot my acc password lmao

im Mephisto, 19 i use he/him pronouns n i have a purge disorder n went thru other eds in the past

(update) i stopped purging by march now ive been just restrictung, binged a couple times but it wont stopped

anyways ill post shit i hope i make friends cuz im horrible at it

tw ed vent n all that bs ig