littlewalken - Tumblr blog

[littlewalken]

ap 30

I think I might be missing the life I never had, making memories instead of traumas, figuring out what friends are, building something called self esteem.

To this day one of my things is 'If everything you do is wrong you can't pick out one in particular' when intrusive thoughts that want to bring up past unpleasantries pop up.

And there are still plenty of things that when they pop up my first instinct is to try and figure out if it's a set up for a trap.

It's more fun if you don't have migraines and have to get dental work that sets off your migraines again round about the time they'd be clearing up.

I'm sitting and looking at part of my room I would like to tidy up and organize better while the muscles in my neck try to pull my face off.

But at least where the tooth got pulled seems to be healing nicely.

something something Finally got all the episodes of Right Now Kapow something something

Did start reading a Batman graphic novel, Bruce Wayne murderer. Reading is reading.

If someone can figure out where that Ulterior Motives song came from fuck yeah they can find Like The Wind, the original Jeff the Killer pic, and where the original Backrooms photo was taken.

They just can't find a single episode of Haywire with the stop motion doll thing in it.

[littlewalken]

ap 29

Started a new bodice for the replica lady and it fits much better. I'm quite sure I gave too much seam allowance when cutting the other bodice as the smallest sewing I had done before her in some time was for the like four times her size Chibi Unoa.

The doll patterns I draft are without seam allowances because that's just how things work and with teeny tiny dolls you're not going to be running too much of that thru a machine unless you're super skilled and then at that rate the seam allowances are going to be bigger than half the pieces.

My busy work project was also quite productive and I was actually able to cut down the list as I've made the decision to just 'meh' some subject groups all together.

If I had gotten in to the subject at the blue carpet house but had yet to read any of the books, usually for reference for some writing I thought I'd be doing, and especially if I've gotten rid of most if not all of the analog books about it I think I can let it go. If I do need to get back in to it they will be there.

I'm not the same person who bought those books, all used and mostly junk store, and I am much free and clear of the circumstances surrounding all that.

Still have the same old 'why can't I just read it, it's something I'm interested in' stuff going on tho.

[littlewalken]

If you've confused Ziggy Stardust's son you might be taking this a bit far.

[littlewalken]

ap 28

The bodice is a bit big but it is an authentic somewhat pagoda sleeved mid 19th century day dress. I was too generous with the seam allowances. Skirt still needs to be hemmed but my sewing muscles are tired.

I have busy work to get to.

Really feeling bummed out and in need of... I don't even know any more.

rant

And now the stupid desk person at the dentist will call you in the middle of Saturday afternoon to remind you of an appointment next week they forgot to tell you about in the first place then reschedule it but still not tell you what time it was and it might be something that has to happen after the other thing you did know you have an appointment for and remind me again why I don't like dentists.

Or in other words my brain does not need to search for a trauma from the past because we have a new one now.

Perhaps I haven't been to my 'regular cleaning' because I don't like the way it feels to have it done, always get sick after, and get told I'm lying about even having one done the next time I'm there.

[littlewalken]

Tumblr bot challenge!

The Tumblr bot challenge- Do a search for something, anything, and count how many posts it takes for you to find and report an adult activities bot!

[littlewalken]

The skirt is good but the bodice is too big, drafter the patterns myself based on mid 19th century and I think I was too generous with the seam allowances, but at least the Bebe replica has a day dress.

[littlewalken]

ap 27

Mkay, got some machine sewing done yesterday, even tho it's a pre cut strip quilt it still takes time. Did some cutting and a bit of hand sewing for the replica Bebe lady. No news on a name from her just yet.

something something No matter what I do I always have tension problems with what ever sewing machine I use part of the reason I went with a little mender because if after these strip quilts I sort of never really touch it again and let it go to the wilds of the household I'll be okay because I'll feel I got my $5 worth out of it something something

But yeah, in general I don't use sewing machines because no matter what I do I always have tension problems. I have fiddled with the dials on this one and have it generally under control but like with some other art and craft things we generally stay away from each other.

I learned to sew on a Singer centennial featherweight, after grandma died and to deliberately piss her off because when alive no one else could touch it. Ran it until the motor konked out. Tried to sell it in a consignment shop, took it back, last I know someone else in the family has it which is fine by me. All modern portables in the house fell victim to 'it needs to be oiled, where do these extra screws go' but not by my hands.

The little mender is a drop bobbin so 'your bobbin screw is...' can never happen, and I sew in my room because if I needed someone to tell me what I am doing wrong I'd dig up grandsmother's corpse.

On the other creative side of life I need to make myself read and watch a few things in preparation for another try at the roadie story. It's got a good idea and know where it wants to go for quite a bit of it but I need some interesting things to put in it.

I need to make myself consume some of the media I have anyway.

[littlewalken]

Have to get this out of my system-

It's not about trans women being in the bathroom. No one has a problem with Blair White or Wendy Carlos or the ghost of Christine Jorgensen.

It's the bearded, made-up, I'M A BETTER WOMAN THAN YOU I DEMAND ATTENTION people who don't know how to behave.

If there are sacred religious spaces that are gender specific what's wrong with wanting single gender spaces for private activities such as bathing, changing clothes, and using the restroom? Do women who come from a culture where they wear modesty dress have a right to not violate their cultural beliefs because the feelings of a stranger would be hurt for five minutes?

[littlewalken]

~add picture of Pearl in whatever outfit he grabbed in the dark~

Members of The Cure, whose goth look is often copied, reminding baby bats you don't always have to wear black and DIY has always been a huge part of it.

[littlewalken]

ap 26

Sometimes looking around this place can aggravate my "I don't want to know" and I kind of want to tell some people they'll end up on the wrong side of history or something then I remember I'm an adult and they have freedom of expression so I don't.

But so y'all know the my blog my rules thing also applies to if I do or don't post about world or social events here.

Not dying on any hills because I can't even climb one in the first place due to my mobility complications.

And now a 10 year old who doesn't even know how to behave at a cosmetics store will explain exactly what goth is, why it's a competition, and there are strict rules to doing it "right" ...

Don't mind Jason, he always looks like that.

Go on, keep telling them how they're not dressed goth enough. (The Cure whose style is copied by many goths)

Now explain how you can only listen to one style of music if you're goth. (The Damned who can count punk, goth, rockabilly, show tunes and what ever the Naz Nomad and Phantom Chords things were)

Maybe I was going to say something about gender but I just wanted to post a pic of Martin Gore with a sledge hammer after a long day's work trying to smash some barriers before your century was even thought of.

something something picture of Siouxsie something something I had that hair cut in college but still couldn't afford the rest of the look and no one policed me about it something something would have had it ca 1989 except I was working on The Wonder Years because I had super long strait hair at the time something something damn right I knew the value of a dollar and a hard day's work something something

You're never too old to have your goth phase, I could finally afford mine in my late 30s.

That picture of the ghoulettes from Ghost because goths, especially female goths, should be about supporting each other not tearing each other down.

[littlewalken]

The Jersey Devil https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Devil might be a bat https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hammer-headed_bat

[littlewalken]

One of the things about being in homeschool, and dirt poor and non religious, was anything for a free field trip. That was how I ended up at the Crystal Cathedral bored out of my mind during what ever show they were doing with live animals.

It was the closest I've ever been to camel and the first time I remembered seeing goats.

I thought it would be a kick ass place to stage Jesus Christ Superstar with the animals, costumes, and stage set up they had.

Anyways, here's the BBC version with Roger Daltrey https://archive.org/details/jesus-christ-superstar

[littlewalken]

Okay, Hairspray Live, we’re not even thru the first number and I think I’m just not going to finish and probably delete you now.

I can’t with the way the Tracey girl sings.

[littlewalken]

yeah

really

[littlewalken]

ap 25

I think I checked before but I have a butt load of paper doll scans, some are from Fashion In Paper, some are just water marked index prints from the shops that do reprints (because paper doll artists know sometimes that's all you need), and some are scans of ones I physically did or still do own.

Because like back when Happy Meals were $2 each, we'll say $5 each for reference today, a book of paper dolls was $1 and if you were poor that might be the only toy you get.

Today the bulk of our Happy Meal toy collection rightfully rests in the Route 66 McDonalds museum where little nose prints and finger smudges are cleaned daily from the glass. The paper doll collection was scanned, those in any decent shape were sold to collectors, those I didn't keep for personal or collage reasons went off to someone else. None of them were rare or OOAK examples, most were discolored pieces of crispy paper held together by tape.

But yeah, if no one is around to help you move things you have to make some hard decisions. Should have kept a few of the analog books I parted with but shit happens and here we are. One did make it to the train museum where it was being read before we even left.

That's the thing to get across to hoarders some time. Our barrels full of McDonalds toys in the garage weren't doing us any favors. We weren't sitting on any treasures that were going to make us financially rich.

Want to be remembered? Be the people who give a museum so much stuff it has to change how it displays things.

***

Going to try and get some machine sewing in today. Still grappling with the concept I could not only put the machine on the work table in the living room but I could leave it there for a couple of days while I work on and off and it won't be disturbed.

Already I'm steadily getting used to not having all my personal things in one room, or well fortified in the garage, and everyone living under this roof will respect that.

Pets wouldn't count but also pets wouldn't be able to do things I still take Repressitall for.

~Tries to explain to puppy Dublin not to chew on books while giving him several options that are for puppers to chew on~

[littlewalken]

These dolls at FashionInPaper looked cold https://www.tumblr.com/fashioninpaper/748124335281225728?source=share

[littlewalken]

ap 23

My week after the dentist treat was more fabric jelly rolls. It's the roses I have in half yard lengths and black Kona. I still don't know what I want to do with the roses exactly, I will get a look at the print I don't have to decide if I want to get it, and having tried to cut strips from whole cloth before I shall never purposefully try to make them again.

Did look at rotary cutters but I still want some sort of safety glove before that comes anywhere near me. Better yet, I would like a friend with a cutter and I'll buy them new blades to cut for me or something.

Anyone who fakes seizures for attention never stops to think that activities like using a rotary cutter (think pizza cutter for fabric) might not be a good idea. I can use a pizza cutter just fine, it's the spare hand holding a cutting ruler near a sharp blade unless wearing a cutting glove that concerns me.

The prices for the gloves are reasonable, it's finding them in child size that is harder. We found a hand print I made way back when I was in Kindergarten. My hands are no wider and only grew longer by a finger joint.

My charm bracelets don't have clasps because I can fold my hand and slip out of them. My hands are only a finder and a thumb wider than my writs. The only pricey expensive real piece of jewelry ring I have is a size 5 and that was for my middle finger because I didn't want to deal with people at work thinking it was an engagement ring, except when I wanted creeps to think it was an engagement ring.

I went to a pick a pearl thing, pulled two pearls out of the same oyster, had to put them in a figure 8/infinity setting. They aren't expensive jewelry ones but were enough that the girls at the jewelry store were impressed. Just bigger than peas they look like they're going to fall out of their setting.

Yes, I've been without a car and hungry but with a $$$ piece of jewelry. While I did look up about how much to expect from it I was also petty enough that if I did I didn't want any of it being spent on anyone else, especially my sister. Dear Reddit, I told the bitch she wouldn't get me out of this home and as I sell off her beloved horse collection she abandoned knowing it'll never cover all the back rent she owes and the cost of food she wasted I feel I have won the war.

As they say in Creepshow, I can hold my breath a very long time.