livingwithic

[livingwithic]

@reallysporadictraveler 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[livingwithic]

@reallysporadictraveler 

ok

[livingwithic]

[livingwithic]

Internal medicine rotation

I love it, but after a while is boring. Older doctors want me to work there and also the residents so I get a lot of free coffee and treats. My love life is also started existing.

[livingwithic]

I passed my exam!

3 more to go

[livingwithic]

My feet hurt all day!

It was horrible. Stiffness and pain and really cold extremities. Slight numbing and tingling. It's symmetrical. Does anyone get this with fibromyalgia? I think it's either this, plantar fasciitis or Raynaud.

[livingwithic]

I hate that it's normal that I'm in pain all the time. I'm fucking tired of this

[livingwithic]

The rent continues

So the good part about not having a relationship is that I don't have to force myself to have painful sex with. Hooray for that. Also my new flatmates don't know that I have IC, I'm not sure if they realised it already that something isn't okay with me. My IC started with frequency, I don't know why it wasn't a red flag for me that I have to go to the bathroom every two or three hours and I woke up at least 2 times every night whereas my roommates didn't have this problem, nor went to the bathroom this often. Anyway I'm not sure if I want to tell anyone new I meet that I have a disease only if I go out on a date. Oh yeah and I stopped going to urologist. I went to the best clinic and still knew more of IC than my doctor. I'm treating my embedded infection alone and it actually got a lot better, i was bedridden a year ago. I hope I can help someone after I cure myself. Oh and the most hurtful thing is that I lost my so called best friend early in the journey. But I'm glad the real ones stayed and I'm thankful for them. My new roommate (one of them) is actually really nice and has a good heart so I hope that the universe just took out the wrong one and I got a better one instead. Yeah and dieting is hard but at least I'm thin with a bloated tummy. Im switching GP and I hope that the new one will send me to a gastroenterologist unlike the last bitchy doctor of mine.

[livingwithic]

What healthy people take for granted is just the feeling of being alive and well. When you’re chronically ill, a good day for you is still a bad day for a healthy person. Those good days though - they are so sweet and precious that when a spoonie experiences it, they never want it to end.

[livingwithic]

“Chronic pain is not a missing limb or open wound; it is the essence of invisible suffering. In Kevin Brockmeier’s novel The Illumination, characters in pain radiate light through their skin. I wonder what it would be like to live in a society like that, where our collective agony might blind us, or where the skin of the afflicted would shine as though they were ethereal beings. I wish I sparkled. I wish my pain made me beautiful, made me more noble, or was a fashion statement. Instead it is just pain, wordless and desperate for expression.”

[livingwithic]

on being constantly aware of my bladder

[livingwithic]

Flares suck!

Today I took oil of oregano to kill my embedded infection and the flare is super bad right now :( I feel like this disease took away my life. I don't have a relationship or I don't think I ever will if I won't get healthy. My past relationships were awful and knowing that I might not be in one normal happy fucking relationship hurts almost every time I think of. But the worst part is the fact that my pain doesn't let me do all the things I want to do in life. I don't know when I'll be happy again. I feel completely lonely even though I have a few friends. And I really want to move away from my family. I also completely let go of the fact that someday I might be a mum, even though I love children. Flares put me in a depression :(

[livingwithic]

I still mourn

After two and a half years I still have hope that one day I woke up without pain and erything will be alright.

[livingwithic]

“Yeah but am I hurting enough to take a painkiller?”

- everyone with chronic pain ever

[livingwithic]

that chronic illness feeling when someone asks you how you’re doing and you wanna be honest and tell them you’ve been in pain all day and feel like shit but you dont wanna make them uncomfortable.

[livingwithic]

Small achievement!

I assisted in a surgery and the fellow doctor told me that I'm great. Somehow I don't feel my IC while I'm in a surgery, my focus is only on the patient . I'm a med student by the way.

[livingwithic]

First attempt at painting