local-darkmagi - Tumblr blog

しまった

This is my vent blog (and any other my main blog cannot post. Like art. Maybe. Though its all old art.) The blog's username and display pic will be edited when im not lazy.

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local-darkmagi · 3 years

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death the kid is such a… weird character. i cant think of another character like him because he’s so weird. like, he’s the son of the grim reaper with horrible ocd and perfectionism issues and also he dresses like a preppy goth in full tuxedo but he also rides a skateboard named beelzebub and does cool tricks on it whenever presented the opportunity also he has guns. none of those character traits sound like they belong to the same person. hes somehow both the coolest and lamest character in the show.

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local-darkmagi · 3 years

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fun fact about me is that when i was a kid id write capital E’s with as many of those little horizontal lines as possible and id call them ladder E’s and adults fucking hated them

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local-darkmagi · 3 years

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Truly the cruelest people are the kindest one to us or the one who think they have only good intentions to us when speaking

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local-darkmagi · 4 years

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Im sorry friend but im actually not okay right now. Its stupid but im crying while sewing right now. Its so stupid im bawling over simple matters

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local-darkmagi · 4 years

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In highschool I wrote a story about a middle-generation of stellar travelers. Their parents were born on earth and left as children, and the middle generation will not live long enough to see their destination. They live their entire lives on the ship and I wrote about them trying to find their place in everything. They will never know blue skies and warm beaches and open fields with warm breezes. They’ll never know birdsong or crickets or frogs. They’ll never hear the rain on the roof of a dreary day. I never could find the right way to end the story. I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I didn’t know how to do it.

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

You have to teach yourself that being happy is not a radical idea.

#like hell it will shut up #dont make that say from YOUR mouth

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local-darkmagi · 4 years

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One of these two I don’t want to join twst famdom~ guess who~~~

#its not you ashe dw

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local-darkmagi · 4 years

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My mom said 'the Osman egyptian guy you like so much probably wouldn't get along with the egyptian demonic hair yakult right??? Are they even from the same animal???" and by Osman she meant Ozymandias and by Yakult she meant Yami Yugioh and by Animal she meant Anime. I can't with my mom.

ASKJSK THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I READ THIS WEEK

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local-darkmagi · 4 years

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