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One more time that I feel like outsider, between those people that I thought was my friends, but oh well, I am used to it. Feeling sad but not surprised, it's fine. But for once I wanted to feel like a part of something, but it is what it is, maybe some time I will find someone that will make me feel better. Or not. But it is what it is.
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And it sucks so much. I am okey that I do not have a boyfriend or some guy that would care for me more than a friend. But now we are with friends and yet I am the only one that sits apart when our male friend says that one pretty girl isn't that special and I do not know how I am supossed to feel when she is waaaaay prettier than me and he (or the other boy) would think that I am beautiful ior not just a friend material. And I can not say a word because my friend isn't the one to blame and she has no idea how to feel not pretty, hot or atractive enough. And it sucks so much because I do not have no one to blame (since I an the ugly friend) and I can not to feel angry at them
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One more time when I'm feeling useless and unloved. Once again. I wouldn't feel the same if one of my best friends wouldn't show how much everyone is loving her. But this makes me feel like shit, couse she has kinda boyfriend, she has at least 2 friends who would love to have her as more than a friend. And she mentions it everytime while I have nobody that would look to me like more than a friend and I feel so lonely and sad. But I should be used to it, but I'm not.
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How it is that I have so many friends and yet feel so alone. I know that I have a lot of people that I care about who care about me too. But everyone of them has something and in none of these cases that something is me. I feel lonely, useless and I cry myself to sleep atleast few nights every week. And then I feel sorry for myself and it makes everything even worse. In the mornings I feel okey, sometimes better, sometimes worse, but okey. But at late evenings when I know that others are or are chatting or talking with their loved ones I feel like I will not ever feel better. I'm used to being alone but in the last month I just feel sick about it and it hurts so much. I just want to be someones person who they want to talk everytime, I want to be that person who means a world to someone. I want to be the most important person in the world. I want that just a thought about me would make someone smile. I know that I'm asking A LOT, but I just want to be happy. And even not forever but please, just for some time. I really need that
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