loopyhoopywrites

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2027: Wizards of the Coast and the American Psychological Association collaborate on the D&DSM, 6th Edition, widely regarded as the worst thing ever published

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Will I regret the words 'I wouldn't have pegged your dad'? Maybe.

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“I wouldn’t have pegged your dad as a footy fan,” said Merlin conversationally, as he hopped into the passenger seat. Arthur looked at Merlin like he couldn’t believe how stupid he was being. He did that a lot.

“He’s not.”

“Oh,” said Merlin, fastening his seat belt and giving it a few tugs to check its durability. Like most rules, Arthur seemed to think speed limits were for poor people.

“So is this like, a family bonding thing?” Merlin continued, “One of those things parents pretend they love even though they hate it? Like that year in primary school I decided I wanted to learn to play the violin? Poor mum, she showed up to every concert and somehow managed to smile through the whole thing. I’m sure all those months listening to thirty kids screeching away is why she’s started losing her hearing.”

“No, Merlin. My father doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

“What about being a headteacher?”

If Arthur wasn’t undead, Merlin would have sworn he saw a vein throbbing in his forehead. Arthur did grit his teeth, and his hands tightened their grip on the steering wheel. Merlin wondered if it was possible for a vampire to have a heart attack. It could be fun to find out.

“That’s different,” said Arthur, “the Vol- Never mind. The point is, we’re not going to play football.”

“We’re not?” asked Merlin. “What are we doing?”

“Sword fighting,” said Arthur. Then, as if to distract Merlin from that sudden and unexpected piece of information, peeled out of his tiny driveway at approximately three-hundred miles an hour.

“Hang on,” said Merlin, who was indeed distracted, but not by the speed, “did you just make me lie to Gaius?!”

Me: You know, I'd really like to get back into writing fanfiction.

My brain: Have you considered this pairing from this tv show that stopped airing 20 years ago, that you're not even sure you ship?

Me: Hmm, maybe not...

My brain: How about if you rewrote Twilight but made it Merthur?

Me:

(Image ID: a screenshot of a word document, on which is typed, in a similar font to the Twilight books, 'MERLIN HAD NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW HE WOULD DIE.' End ID.)

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Guess who's back working on this abomination again!

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“Do I know you?” he drawled. Merlin, who liked to think everyone was good deep down and tried not to judge by first impressions no matter how much those first impressions made them seem like complete prats, responded with a friendly smile.

“I’m Merlin,” he said. Arthur didn’t return the smile.

“So I don’t know you.”

“No-” Merlin started to say.

“But you called me friend.”

“That was my mistake,” Merlin’s mouth shot off before his brain had a chance to intervene, “I’d never have a friend who was such an arse.”

It was only because Merlin was making direct eye contact – part defiance, part resigned commitment to the bit – that he noticed it. For a second, less than a second, Arthur’s face contorted. And for that half a second, Merlin knew what it felt like to be prey.

And then it was over, and Arthur’s face was back to that insufferable, patronising smirk that made Merlin, a lifelong pacifist who’d insist the best weapon was a kind word, want to punch him in the face.

“Or I one who could be so stupid,” Arthur said.

“Oooh, burn,” said someone.

Me: You know, I'd really like to get back into writing fanfiction.

My brain: Have you considered this pairing from this tv show that stopped airing 20 years ago, that you're not even sure you ship?

Me: Hmm, maybe not...

My brain: How about if you rewrote Twilight but made it Merthur?

Me:

(Image ID: a screenshot of a word document, on which is typed, in a similar font to the Twilight books, 'MERLIN HAD NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW HE WOULD DIE.' End ID.)

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Saw an old lady today that looked like an old lady and was dressed like an old lady except she was wearing big goth stomping boots like this

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All my D&D/bg3 characters are finally uploaded to Artfight! Might make a couple more references if I have time, but yeah :) super excited to get started!!

I also did a pride version :)

Find me here!

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My niece drew a picture of me and my cat 😭🥰

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the grief of growing

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brennan experiencing the horrors of every ih season immediately by giving an npc a slightly too funny name

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Murderbot and Gurathin attempting to weaponize each other’s asexual autism and ending up weaponizing that against themselves in the process because they’re The Same is genuinely my favorite part of the show so far

Gurathin: Haha! I will force you to make eye contact, which will cause you stress due to your aversion!

Murderbot: Right. Did it occur to you that you’re also eye contact averse, so this is going to distress you almost as much as me?

Gurathin: …no I did not consider that. Fuck. Fuck

Murderbot: Well while you’re busy regretting that - haHA! I will force you to watch your coworkers getting it on, which will distress you due to your sex-repulsion and discomfort with breaking certain boundaries!

Gurathin: Mm. Did it occur to you that you’re also sex-repulsed, and that in order to broadcast that to me, you have to be watching it yourself, so this is going to distress you almost as much as me?

Murderbot: Fuck.

I Love Them

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Happy Storyteller Saturday! Are any of your characters from The Ex Quest going to be on Art Fight?

Hi!! Yessss I'm so excited for Artfight!!! Currently Llanedd, Trickster, and Mar'Gret are all up :D I'm prepping some of my dnd/bg3 characters atm but I'm hoping I'll have time to do some updated refs, and maybe add Anarchy, Iaqc, and/or Teek too. Teek would take a lot of time though cos he has like four different appearances xD

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Where did the Garble come from?

ohohoho a very good question

ok so this is all spoilers for book two but I'm gonna tell you anyway :3c

so the centre of the Garble hivemind was originally just Some Guy, he lived many hundreds of years ago and in France, and he had a terrible fear of death that led to him spending most of his life searching for a way to achieve immortality. he eventually does find a way, draining other people’s life force by consuming their blood, though it’s up for debate, like… how? he managed to do this? how he got it to work? like, was it a deal with a demon? did he win a game against the grim reaper? or was there something evil lurking outside reality looking for A Way In?

but anyway, he uses this method for a good few centuries to prolong his own life. however. life force and The Soul are a different ballgame to the physical human body, and human bodies are NOT built for lasting hundreds of years no matter how much extra juice you pump them with. there’s only so much healing and stealing and stitching-back-together of flesh and organs you can do until you’re barely human anymore, and you’re STILL decaying faster and faster. the longer this guy carries on, the more life force he needs to consume to achieve the same result

so he once again pours himself into his research, searching for a way to fix this problem… and his desperation leads him to find a way to invite others into his system. rather than kill and drain them, he can gift them with this Thing that now lives inside him, this growing thing, this thing that is slowly undeniably becoming Alive and that whispers to him. he offers a a select group of people longevity and strength and healing, just enough, whatever life force he can spare for them to bask in and enjoy, and in return, he asks that they kill for him. and he, the heart, the centre, will take the spoils of their feasting – only giving back what he thinks they need in order to remain invested and happy and willing. these are the Ethels! they're a whole other worldbuilding post haha

so these guys become the Garble’s protectors and worshippers. they're your more traditional vamps! and things are chill for a while! but his health keeps faltering. and eventually even this group is no longer enough to support him. so what is there to do but let the system spread further!

the Garble’s underlings turn more people, and these people get none of the love and care the underlings do. they don’t get any extra life force to have fun with, or increased lifespans. the Garble gives them what they need only when they need it – increased speed and strength when they’re hunting or in danger, healing when they become injured, fangs and claws to assist in killing. they exist only as vessels of the Garble, to funnel life force back into the centre

understandably, this new generation of vampires, who get all of the horrors and none of the fun of the system, HATE this. they don’t particularly want to participate in this mess. they’re normal people, usually nonconsensually turned, forced into a life of murder and fear. so the Garble adapts – it lives inside their blood and brains, so it whispers to them, tells them what they’re doing is good and right, soothes them, even convinces them that Blood Tastes Good when it doesn’t. they’re rewarded when they obey and punished when they don’t, even killed, if they step out of line

and so the hivemind is born! the Garble spreads its tendrils through every vampire and all the life force they collect flows back to the centre. it’s definitely become its own sort of consciousness – it’s a mirror of the original guy, but it’s grown much larger than him and seems to revel in the killing. it does what it’s programmed to, though, keeping the centre alive, so what’s the harm?

anyway, some centuries later, because decay is inevitable and once again, bodies are Not Built For This, this centre guy is all rotted and corpse-like, he can barely move or speak other than gurgling screams, but he’s unable to die because of all the life force surrounding him, and his worshippers protect him and prevent harm from coming to him… they bury him underground to keep him Safe and Secret… but yeah he’s one dead motherfucker for someone who’s alive. he kind of hates this existence now, but he’s still very afraid of death… but eventually he comes to the conclusion that this isn’t a life, that immortality sucks, and he wants to dismantle the system and finally rest

but when he tries he finds that the system itself can no longer hear him! the Garble is its own entity completely, and it’s imbued with all his fear of death so all it knows how to do is Survive At All Costs. it completely ignores his instructions. he tries to send messages and thoughts through the hivemind to its outer layers, the ordinary vampires, but they can no longer understand him, since all he can do its let out garbled screams and cries. they have no idea he even exists – it’s been centuries, and he’s an urban legend. so he’s just Trapped and Unable To Die

and that brings us to the present day! vampires are just a thing that exists, and though they have HEARD of the Garble, they don’t really believe it exists. they know SOMETHING exists in their blood that they have to feed, lest it feed from them instead, but they don’t really believe in, like… this vampire hivemind god thing. nevertheless the Garble affects everything they do and directs their instincts and desires

anyway that’s all that! thank u for coming to my ted talk :3

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I just realized that many many people have jobs

Rb with your job, wtf do you people do while offline???

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hey guys i think it MIGHT be a month until art fight starts...

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my turn!!