loriapocalypse

[loriapocalypse]

Every time I'd look at my phone, I'd hate my friends more and more. Now I find my only friend is my phone. I beginning to think my phone wanted it this way.

[loriapocalypse]

Best. Movie. Ever.

[loriapocalypse]

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go made from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

"The Call of Cthulhu"- HP Lovecraft

[loriapocalypse]

Don't bother asking- you're not invited.

[loriapocalypse]

How cats are made

[loriapocalypse]

Scraw vs the folding chairs!

[loriapocalypse]

Scraw vs the cupboards

[loriapocalypse]

I think I'm going to start smoking again!

[loriapocalypse]

[loriapocalypse]

At the Ballpark

Since I only see my step-kids 4 days a month, I try  to fit as much activity as possible into those days to compensate for my lack of involvement in their daily lives. I love my step-kids, and I especially love their curmudgeon father, my husband. My husband, Scraw, on the other hand, hates leaving the house at all on the weekends. He hates crowds, being outside, etc... So when I got 4 free tickets to the Tigers game last August, Scraw was not too excited. I thought I'd make light of his hermitude and told him I was going to document all his complaints he made that day at the game. This is how it went:

12:15pm-  As we head out, Scraw 's first complaint begins with the fact that I have the car air conditioner blowing only on our feet instead of in our faces. A brief tirade ensues: “I’m not paying half of a car note to have air only cooling off my shoes.”

12:18pm- We stop at Keg-N-Wine for energy drinks.  Scraw sips his drink, trying to sneak a peek at my notepad.

12:24pm- We drive past my recently deceased mother’s house.  Her home has been repossessed by the bank, and is currently vacant.  My older brother is working on his car in the driveway there.  My brother does not realize he is trespassing.  He had lived at this residence with our mother for 40 years. He still considers it his home.  So many disturbing levels of wrong with this situation, it makes Scraw laugh.

12:26pm- Scraw turns into our favorite car wash.  It doesn’t matter where we go, Scraw likes the car to be clean. At the car wash, Scraw and I play our favorite game- guess which crime the recent parolee washing our car was convicted of.  I always assume pedophilia. 

12:48pm- Scraw complains the heat outside is registering at 80 degrees already even though we are currently in a very cool, air conditioned car.

1:00pm- We drive nearly 15 minutes in silence before Scraw lets me know he’s trying hard not to complain because I’m writing it down.

1:12pm- Finally downtown, we try to find a parking spot in a maxed out parking lot behind Comerica Park. We end up getting stuck behind a stalled vehicle and two lady attendants yelling at each other.  It seems that while one lady was on break, the other lady wasn’t keeping track of the cars coming in.  A physical altercation loomed in the near future and my step-kids became anxious.  Scraw finds a tight little spot, a spot clearly not for parking. He parks there anyway and we quickly exit the vehicle.   

1:22pm- Get into the stadium, climb to the top of Comerica Park.  Find our sections.  Climb some more.  Shuffle our way down a roll full of people before finding our seats, Scraw grumbles, but he does so quietly.

1:26pm- We watch the game with detached emotions.  It's hot out, and there is no shade in our section.  The complains start pouring in:“nosebleed seats, in direct sunlight, in the middle of a row, I’m going to get a sunburn,…etc”  And these weren't all Scraw's laments- the children were adding their own!

1:30pm- Scraw has shut down temporarily. 

1:38pm- Scraw says, “If I’m lucky, a foul ball will fly up and hit me in the head.”

1:44pm- Scraw says, “That’s enough of the game.” My stepdaughter is worried about sunburns.  My stepson wants a hot dog. Scraw says if we leave our seats, we are not returning.  We all agree with his decision.  And we get up to get food

1:55pm- We get food: 2 hot dogs and two pretzels.  Scraw gets mustard on his shirt. He is not happy.

2:20pm- After eating our concessions, we walk around the ballpark, encountering the reoccurring them of bombardment.  My stepdaughter wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel, but the line was too long. So we keep walking around the ballpark.  Scraw finally says, “That’s it.  We’re going”.  Even I was happy to accept his decision.  The heat, the crowds... it was getting to me too.

2:28pm- After being turned around twice in Comerica Park, cutting through umpteen beer lines and groups in standstill, we eventually make it out the stadium.  Scraw smiles.  He tells his daughter he’s the real tiger here and does his kitty-cat impression. He pulls his beard down, sticks out his tiny little tongue and meows. The kids laugh. It’s the first smiles I’ve seen from my family all day.

2:29pm- “Let’s go back to our air-conditioned coffin” Scraw tells his children, meaning his car. They agree, laughing, and we head towards the parking lot.

2:33pm- On Woodward I thank my family for coming today, “I had fun,” I tell them.  My husband then begins: “The chairs were so small there!  And it was so hot!  They didn't have enough money for awning?  And what is baseball anyway?  Boooring.  It’s just so hot, and sitting there in-between everyone, listening to them chump on food…” Scraw only stops his rant to point out a man with one leg crossing the street. "Did you see that?" he asks me.  My step-kids chime in, noticing the man's handi-capabilities.  The one-legged man was so quick to move. We are impressed to say the least.

2:39pm- On the Lodge, Scraw is complaining so much, I have hard time keeping up:  “Can’t stand being around strangers, all within inches of me, so many of them, they can touch you even by accident, seats so cramped can’t move, my knees touching the guy in front of me and then the sun’s beating down on me like I’m an ant under a huge magnifying glass.  Can’t live like that, gotta stay out of the sun, gotta stay young looking for the ladies…” Scraw is a funny guy

2:47pm- As we get closer to home, Scraw's spirits lighten.  The stress of the ballgame is over.  He is now doing his best Arnie Grape impression from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape": “Arnie's Big Boy party!  I'm having a birthday party and you're not invited! I can go at any time!”