lostcausekitty

[lostcausekitty]

Hello my 31st Birthday.

As expected this day is nothing but a normal day except there is a lot of food.

I feel numb and I think all the passed days, months and years I spend here on earth; then got realize I did nothing amazing for my whole life, now I'm thinking how to earn a big money not huge just right to spend some plans in my life (e.i. investment). So, If I'm still single and became an old maid at least I have money for my future old self where I won't ask people some of their loose change or pennies to feed myself. I know to myself when the day comes where no one wants to help me.

Always procrastinating,

Lost

[lostcausekitty]

I'm 30 now. Still nothing change except for my numbing heart and fading grudges that makes me today, a depressed and burned out from all the experience I got through.

I don't have a dream in life.

I don't have ambition.

I don't have enough self confidence.

I felt, I don't deserved to love or to be loved.

Because that's how they make me feel.

Even I don't think, I'll live long.

Everyday I procrastinating no progressed at all, almost everyday I cried on things and words they says to me.

IDK anymore.

[lostcausekitty]

Minsan ang buhay parang ewan.

Gusto mong mapagisa pero may mga bwisit na iga-gaslighting ka.

Kaurat please lang Lord patayin mo na lang ako ng tulog

O baka naman hindi na naman ako kasama sa privilage lane.

Ang sakit sa ulo. (´；ω；｀)

[lostcausekitty]

Early morning fights, senseless finger pointing just to get their selfs from shouldering their mistakes. What a bunch of hypocrist.

[lostcausekitty]

I'm scared...

I did everything just to keep myself entertain from thinking to disappear in this world.

I'm all numb now since I stop talking to people from the discord, because I'm scared to be judge for being weak minded.

All I'm doing now whenever I stop doing things is to cry out of no where cuss myself, sometime I inflict self harm and stare in the blankly in the wall.

[lostcausekitty]

It's hard to change, When the people around you keeping you from making yourself to heal the invincible wounds you have. They even insult you, this are the times I wish they just killed me than torture mentally. For them I don't have a right to give opinions, they also keeps saying all the memories I have is just a illusion, a make believe daydream I created in my head.I Don't Know Anymore.

[lostcausekitty]

Personally the reason why I don't seek professional help (i.e. psychiatrist), because some mentality of the people here when you seek a help or they learned that you're having some mental disorder; for them you're a crazy person.

[lostcausekitty]

Never dedicate yourself to making someone happy, because eventually you will renounce your own happiness. Trust me, no one really gives a fuck about the effort you put in making world a better place, even the loved ones.

[lostcausekitty]

Everytime I read a novel or a manhwa when suddenly there's a few sentences that matches my feelings in life. I can't help but to cry.

[lostcausekitty]

[lostcausekitty]

you know that feeling when you think you are happy for a moment but soon after that you just break down and start crying like never before? yeah

[lostcausekitty]

If ever things won’t work out the way you want to, don’t let yourself got stunned by those people or problems too long.

Get yourself a bandaid to patch up those things that make your plans got off the chart. 

[lostcausekitty]

I feel like I'm in a cage. Watching people watched me to do some tricks. If they're entertained I get some goodies but if not, they'll throw stones at me.

[lostcausekitty]

It's so hard to maintain being relax at all time, whenever she starts to scold me things about her neglecting her, the foods that keeps her blood sugar raising, her stress over some petty things and etc. I feel like a wall in the sea side getting smashed by the tsunami over and over again. It's so hard to hide my tears, I feel so pathetic when someone saw me crying. Maybe I'll try to pretend I'm just crying over some tragic stories in my phone.

[lostcausekitty]

Time to clean up~😘

[lostcausekitty]

I finally can now restraint my own mouth. (A lil bit) --28 at 2019

[lostcausekitty]

I want a peaceful mind, kaso wala eh ayaw akong tan-tanan. Isa lang ipinagdadasal ko kay Lord kunin na niya ako para finally makapagpahinga na ako. Tsaka kung made-deds man ako gusto ko hindi na makikita yung katawan ko. #MeAlwaysAgainstTheWorld