lostctrls

[lostctrls]

its mu birthday

[lostctrls]

[ HERO ]: sender notices the receiver about to fall from a height, and manages to intervene just in time, catching them before they get hurt. ( let's be real susie would be locked in )

      *    THE  MAW  OF  DARKNESS  BECKONS  FOR  YOUR  UNDOING.     your fall from grace,  your heart pounding    ———      you figure that you were always meant to die here.    you were always supposed to be buried with all of your sins,  your secrets,  your     LIES.     you shattered everything you had,  everyone that you cared for taking you as someone that you never wished to be but continued to work on    BECOMING.     your terror,  your horror,  this crawling feeling of retribution was meant to claim you a long time ago.    in a way,  you felt sort of glad.    it means,  you no longer had the capacity of harming anyone.    it meant you could never     HURT    her ever again.

&    you accept it.     as if you have always been resigned to this very fate,  willing yourself to be crushed with the    WEIGHT    you brought upon yourself.    a well deserved demise that you are certain would satisfy everyone and yet she reaches out for you.    your shoes slip,  suspended over the edge just where you are about to    FALL,    susie keeps you from falling apart.    you quiver,  surprised,  undeserving.    her kindness being too much for you to ever fully understand that you do not know what to make of this.    you could let go but you know    (  and you know    BETTER    than anyone else  )     that she would never let you go no matter how much hurt you had inflicted.

in her arms,  where she pulls you,  you     TREMBLE.     you can never understand this compassion.    this care.    for her to still look out for you even despite it all    ———      she was always meant to be the     HERO    that you could never be.

[lostctrls]

༘⋆｡ hard conversations starters

for those hard conversations you have to have sometimes. romantic, platonic, familial, & a few others!

i  don't  know  how  to  say  this  without  hurting  you.

you've  been  so  different  lately...

i've  been  trying  to  say  this  for  a  while  now.

i  know  i  messed  up.  i  just  need  you  to  listen.

did  you  fall  out  of  love  with  me?

you  don't  have  to  forgive  me.

at  what  point  did  you  decide  i  wasn't  worth  the  effort?

why  didn't  you  tell  me?

why  is  love  in  this  family  always  conditional?

please  just  say  something.

i've  spent  my  whole  life  trying  to  be  enough  for  you.

i'm  scared  if  we  talk  about  this,  we're  going  to  fall  apart.

do  you  even  want  to  fix  this  anymore?

you  were  supposed  to  be  the  one  person  who  wouldn't  give  up  on  me!

tell  me  what  to  do.  tell  me  what  you  need.

if  this  is  the  end,  i  want  to  hear  you  say  it.

i'm  scared  you're  only  here  because  it's  easier  to  stay.

i  can't  keep  pretending  nothing  happened.

you  left  me  to  clean  up  the  pieces  of  what  you  broke.

you  act  like  you're  fine  but  i  can  tell  you're  not.

i  can't  keep  holding  this  in  anymore.

it  feels  like  you  don't  need  me  anymore.

was  it  easier  to  ghost  me  than  admit  you  gave  up?

say  it.  say  you  never  loved  me.

when  did  we  stop  being  on  the  same  side?

sometimes  i  wish  i'd  never  met  you.

loving  someone  isn't  supposed  to  feel  like  this.

why  is  it  so  hard  to  talk  to  you  without  feeling  small?

i'm  tired  of  being  the  one  who  holds  it  all  together.

if  you  cared,  you  would've  stayed.

i'm  trying  to  learn  how  to  forgive  you.

[lostctrls]

butch 4 butch by rio romeo is krusie

[lostctrls]

🌸 - to place a flower crown on your muse’s head .

      *   IT    FEELS   NICE   TO  BE  TUCKED  AWAY  FROM      the world at times.    it moved too fast for you,  got too busy for you,     &     it didn't have time for you.     you were always the loser out there,  having to scrape up scraps just to make something work.     although you    SOMETIMES     found your footing with the people out there,  it was much easier to hide away and take in the quiet of your surroundings.    the    CRISP,    summer air caresses past your cheek while blossoms rest by your beaten sneakers.    each color reminds you of the passing spring,  how much time has passed.    it feels a little bittersweet but at least you do not    NEED    to confront anything else in here.

you have company with you.     she was a variable that you did not expect,  someone who you    STUMBLED    upon in this exact same clearing.     then again,  she was the only other person apart from your brother    &    her sister who knew of this area.    perhaps she wanted a change of pace from the world too  ?     riddled with     NOSTALGIA,     that sense of yearning to return back to a time that cannot be brought must have led you both here.    funny how you still remain fundamentally the same despite those years.     yet her shy wave earlier kept you bolted in place,  forcing you to remember that all you have left from her are     MEMORIES     and your fear of her indifference.

you have not said much to her,  merely nodding and    WORDLESSLY    placing yourself down in a patch of grass without doing much else.    you think you fell asleep,  your head    SLIGHTLY    spinning while you adjust back to the setting sun.    but just before you can properly sit up,  there is something placed on you.    

it is only then that you really take in how close she is.    how odd she must have felt to see you here even when you two did not    COORDINATE     on meeting here     ———     but she somehow managed to find the time to craft this for you.    you almost gape in disbelief,  your mind painting an image that feels almost painful.    noelle,  in her younger form,  that same bright gleam in her eyes,  and this current    VERSION    of her almost turning into an amalgamation before you very eyes.    it feels cruel even when it isn't.   

cautiously,  you touch the crown.    a golden petal falls on your lap and your gaze    UNCONSCIOUSLY    follows the movement before it trails back to her face.    "  you. . .   you're still here  ?  "     something akin to disbelief but you aren't any less thankful.    a small smile graces your face,  your hands gently caressing what she had made.

"  stay here,  i'll make one for you too.  "     a brief    PAUSE    as you reach for some of the flowers that surround you.    "  do you still like the ones made from daisies  ?  "

[lostctrls]

༘⋆｡ where it hurts starters.

caretaker.

i'll  stay  until  you  fall  asleep.

you're  not  a  burden.  not  to  me.

you  don't  have  to  act  tough  with  me.

let  me  help.

if  you  need  to  cry,  i'll  look  the  other  way.

you  don't  have  to  talk.

let  me  handle  it,  just  for  a  minute.

rest,  i'll  watch  over  you.

i  don't  care  if  you  think  you're  fine.  i'm  staying.

deep  breaths.

just  lean  on  me.

you're  safe  now,  okay?  just  breathe.

i  know  it  hurts.  i'll  sit  here  as  long  as  it  takes.

i'm  not  leaving  until  i  know  you're  okay.

you  don't  need  to  hide.

let  me  take  care  of  you  this  time.

shh.  i'm  right  here.

you  don't  have  to  put  on  a  smile  for  me.

i  don't  think  less  of  you.

i'll  be  here  when  you  wake  up.

you're  allowed  to  lean  on  me.  that's  what  i'm  here  for.

you  don't  have  to  be  okay.

scoot  over,  i'm  not  letting  you  sleep  alone.

your  hair's  a  mess.  let  me  brush  it.

don't  apologize.

cared  for.

i'm  tired,  that's  all.

please  don't  go.

i  don't  know  what  i  need.

you  didn't  need  to  come.

you  shouldn't  have  to  see  me  like  this.

i  hate  feeling  like  this.

i  was  trying  to  push  through.  i  think  i  made  it  worse.

this  is  so  embarrassing.

can  you  just...  stay  a  little  longer?

i  didn't  think  anyone  would  notice...

i'm  not  safe  in  my  own  head  right  now.

why  are  you  being  so  gentle  with  me?

i  don't  want  you  to  fix  me.

today's  just...  one  of  the  harder  days.

i  didn't  know  i  needed  to  hear  that.

can  you  stay?  after  i  fall  asleep?

sorry.  i  didn't  mean  to  flinch.

i  don't  always  know  what's  going  to  help.

this  is  the  nicest  anyone’s  been  to  me  all  week.

i'm  sorry.  i  know  i'm  a  lot.

i  don't  even  know  why  i'm  crying...

i  think  i'm  broken.

you  didn't  have  to  do  all  this  for  me.

i  don't  want  to  be  a  burden.

i  didn't  think  anyone  would  stay.

[lostctrls]

darker vibes

❛ i would let you rip me apart if it meant loving you. ❜

❛ this fear you feel? it won’t last. ❜

❛ you are my salvation. ❜

❛ i revolt you, don’t i? ❜

❛ get the hell away from me. ❜

❛ i want to sink my teeth into every inch of you. ❜

❛ i’ll be your dirty little secret, if that’s what you’re into. ❜

❛ worship me. until i tell you to stop. ❜

❛ don’t you know how sick with love i am for you? ❜

❛ fucking hit me already. ❜

❛ i would burn the world for you. ❜

❛ i don’t want to be good, no matter how hard you wish it. ❜

❛ i don’t know how you’ve bewitched me, but it needs to stop. ❜

❛ fix me. ❜

❛ they die for love, you kill for it. ❜

❛ you are mine, whether you agree or not. ❜

❛ do you like it when i bleed for you? ❜

❛ i will keep hurting. i will keep killing. anything to protect you. ❜

❛ i’m starved for you, morning and night. ❜

❛ now i get to ravish you. ❜

❛ i am your god and your executioner. ❜

❛ you are doing so well, my pet. ❜

❛ you’re my sweetest poison. ❜

❛ let’s do something about that mouth of yours. ❜

❛ your fascination with me will be your death. ❜

❛ you’re the monster that’s enticed me into your bed. ❜

❛ all you can say are pretty lies. ❜

❛ the fucked up thing is that it isn’t enough to just love you. ❜

❛ you’ve broken me. all i can think about is you. ❜

❛ you’ll beg for more. ❜

❛ an eternity with you would never satisfy me. ❜

❛ i would gladly let you drag me to hell. ❜

❛ everything i’ve done.. every horrible atrocity, it’s been for you. ❜

❛ you’re a fucking nightmare. kiss me. ❜

❛ feel grateful that i allow you to touch me. ❜

❛ every time your lips touch my skin, you burn me from the inside out. ❜

❛ there’s no black or white, only gray. ❜

❛ no one touches what’s mine. ❜

❛ make me indifferent, make me horrible. ❜

❛ i could never be the one to love you. i can only be the one that kills you. ❜

❛ your lips are poison, your laugh a curse. ❜

[lostctrls]

oh, and that gap in my resume is when i was digging my own grave. the dirt under my nails is - yeah. it won't wash out. although that's actually from when i dug myself out again. i suppose success and defeat can look the same in a mirror.

[lostctrls]

kris would answer a scam call and pretend to be hiding from a murderer from the other end just for the sake of enrichment

[lostctrls]

kris, you've got a good mother. it would be a shame to make her bury her child.

[lostctrls]

[lostctrls]

ill be on later tonite! just been really sleep lately

[lostctrls]

papyrus knight theories are as good as dead given that its painstakingly clear that it's dess and toby would NOT throw away the potential of it being dess for the sake of hilarity but my god is it fucking funny to see the memes

[lostctrls]

who wants a starter to get the ball rolling actually. specify ur muse if you're a multi & feel free to request a verse <3

[lostctrls]

    *    YOUR  PERCEPTION  OF  YOURSELF,   YOUR  PERCEPTION  OF  OTHERS,     your perception of them comes from something inherently altruistic that it terrifies you.    because you know better than anyone else about how you    FAILED     to do the right thing.    their bitterness boiling into violence     ———     even if you can't feel it,  you do.    you ache all the same,  your vision ghastly.    maybe you feel disgust,  maybe you feel    HELPLESS,    maybe you are placing too much hope in a person who feels like they cannot handle this    &    yet,  you know of your own perseverance.    your drive.    your will.

your d̵̢̖͈͓͕͔̘͋e̶̢̛̲̞̮̦̰͍̙̾̑̍̐͒͝ͅẗ̸̨̳͉̖̩̼͔͓̦͈́̀̈̈̆̈̚͝e̵̹̠̫͒̚͘͜r̸̡̛̞̹͛͆̄̿̅̅̉͒ͅm̶̛̰̼͎̲̩͈̲̏̎͑̔́́̕͝i̶̗̩̭͕̇̓̔͜n̶̤͙̬̞̖͓̻͎̖̂͒á̵̰̤̤͇͗̓͊̊̇́t̸̳͖̤̻̊͆͌̒̆i̸͈̾̈́͐̀̈́̾͌̓̽̋õ̸̬͇͚͍͖͐͊n̵̢̰̼̯̩͚̓̋̽̂̄͆͘̚͝͝.

your hand rests over their chest.    their pulse is    WARM,    against your own.   cold.    like the body of a carcass yet never tangible enough to    HOLD.     your own chest glows,  as if resonating,  a plead.    you long to no longer feel fear,  to no longer give up your autonomy,  to never    COMPROMISE    your own self ever again in a fight of terror.     

"  you. . .     LOATHE     it,  don't you  ?   "     the very culmination of your being.    the sole core of your compassion,  the essence of your existence should not be so     CRUEL.     but it is.    and it takes.    it takes more than what you can give.    it reaps everything that it can.    it takes everything that you have and makes it their own.    &    it destroyed you.    and it destroys you.    your bleeding heart being punctured open by something that neither of you can comprehend.    they     DISLIKE    it. 

yet,  this being is much different than the one that you previously had.    its virtue is something that you found yourself drawn to.     &    with this change,  you know that they,  too,  can find a middleground.    solace.     something that can finally help them     SWALLOW    this heavy reality that moans against the weight of the world.    with this feeble strength,  we will push forward.     with its added effort,  you can become    STRONGER.     they have already saved everyone,  their world much kinder than yours.    

they can save her.     they can    SAVE    themselves.     "  but this power,  "      is yours to begin with.    "  you must accept it.    you must     FIGHT     for it.  "      if you had always been so insignificant then you wouldn't have ever been allowed of this ability.    this awareness.    your choices,  your existence,  it will matter.

"  be kinder to yourself,  kris.  "

You won’t let this happen.

A small statement that will bring ruin to this world, a small statement that is a prophecy of destruction and violence that your own hands will accomplish. A small statement that will ring out loudly to the very core of this world. The moment you start to feel like the barrier begins to wane, you slowly open your eyes and look up at the figure once more. At yourself in all their horrific angelic beauty. 

Your rage has begun to subside, but you are staring at them. Staring at yourself, at someone who wished to do the right thing but did not have the strength to do it. Who couldn’t resist the strength IT had. But, it’s clear they think you do. That you do have the power to continue in a path that will lead to not hurting anyone again. You stare at them, and soon with a force hidden within you. You lunge forward, breaking the waning barrier between the both of you. Your hands outreached towards their neck, wishing to grasp at this part of you in some way. However there is both something and nothing to grab, you can tell you're supposed to feel something here, yet that sensation is not there.

After this realization, you let your hands drop to your side, but you continue to stare at them with red watery eyes. This moment, you aren’t sure if you hate it or need it. But you know it is important for you…Important for us. 

“How will we become stronger? I want to make sure, I never hurt them…Never hurt her.”

You did not care for strength, at least not until now. Now, you realize you need it, you need to grow stronger. You need to grow beyond the cage, you need to become the arc. The one who will safely guide everyone to the proper end. And if that end is not satisfying.

You’ll both destroy this world and rebuild it to where a satisfying end is made. 

[lostctrls]

i remember tossing around ideas with my friend about the concept of frisk being able to say determination and reviving and kris just having "will" as their main descriptor and then realizing that : kris probably is not determined enough to push on against all odds. in fact, if light world kris died, i think they wouldn't even be determined enough to refuse it or be determined enough like frisk to reload that save.

[lostctrls]

animated a krusie moment... can't believe this is a real scene that happens