lostinbetweenspace-blog

[lostinbetweenspace-blog]

After All This Time:

I thought maybe if I give my heart a little time, it would heal. I could learn to love again, I would be happy and you leaving would just become an experience and a memory. Yet after all this time, the only conclusion I've come to is that you broke it beyond healing. Maybe it can be stitched together, glued even, but there is no way that this mess can heal on it's own.

 I know that there will be someone I love more than I ever loved you, and that woman, that decides to stay by me and help me put our mess back together is not gonna have it easy. She is going to hurt, and for that I can not forgive you.

I forgive you for leaving, I forgive you for breaking my heart, I forgive you for loving me, if you ever did. And I forgive myself for giving you my heart. Knowing well what you'd do to it. Yes. I knew. Despite that, I, an atheist, prayed to every God of every religion that I'd be wrong. That you'd love me. That I would get to grow with you and write a movie worth love story. But I was right.

I once told you, "I believe that we only truly fall in love once, and I fell in love with you" I still stick by that. I still love you and I always will, But I was wrong about the second part, "...a piece of my heart will always belong to you". I was wrong, not because I did not love you, but because you never had my heart in the first place. You only played with it, bounced it from hand to hand. But you never accepted it as yours. And for that reason you can't have ownership of something that never belonged to you. 

I love you. I miss you, everyday that goes by. I forgive you and now I let you go. I really wish someone makes you happier than I could have done and that you make them happy too. I wish you nothing but the best in this life. And if we ever meet again, in this time or in the next, I will give you the bear hug I promised and whisper, to you, these words: 

After all this time, Thank you.