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Light moving up a wall
Aidan Koch, October 2016
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Personal Research and Investigation
This week I decided to focus on working around depiction of Depression/Loneliness from the point of view of those directly affected by it. I decided to create a Google Form composed of 16 questions, and posted the survey mainly on Reddit communities on mental health.
The questions were:
What is your name?
How old are you?
What is your Gender?
What your ethnic background and Nationality?
When/How were you first aware you had Depression?
How did people around you react to your depression? Did you notice a difference in the way you were treated/perceived?
What kind of responses do you usually receive when you confide in someone about your depression?
What kind of responses do you wish to receive instead?
What hurt you the most while being depressed? (physically and mentally)
What is the hardest part of being depressed?
How would you describe what depression feels like to you personally? (Feel free to be creative, visual or abstract)
When did you feel the loneliest? What does loneliness feels like to you?
If you could confront the cause or person who led you to be depressed today (if there is one), what would you tell them?
If you could give an advice or say anything to your younger self right now, what would you say?
What do you personally find comforting/healing? What is helping you going through tough times?
Is there any other experiences you would like to share? In your personal perspective, is there anything people should know about depression?
I so far collected around 20 responses, and while some of them were quite unhelpful due to the lack of details (which is understandable considering the sensitive nature of the survey), I received a good amount of interesting descriptions of what depression and loneliness feel like along with description of personal experiences.
Here are a few responses (as example) on the question “What depression feels like to you”:
I want to hopefully receive more of these responses and use them as writing material for Triangulation 3.
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References
READING LIST/
- “Children’s Picturebooks, The art of storytelling” Martin Salisbury, Morag Styles
- “Graphic Storytelling and Visual Narrative” Will Eisner
- “Reasons to Stay Alive” Matt Haig
- “Ways of Seeing” John Berger
-”Ways of Looking” John Berger
- “Picture Theory: Essays on Verbal and Visual Representation” W. J. T. Mitchell
- “Iconology: Image, Text, Ideology” W. J. T. Mitchell
- “What do picture want?: The lives and loves of Images” W. J. T. Mitchell
REFERENCES AND ARTISTS/
- Yoshitomo Nara
- Sempé
- Edward Gorey
- Aidan Koch
- Sara Hagale or “Shagey”
- Tracey Emin (Bed installation and drawings)
- “The Story of Struwwelpeter”
- “Walking the Dog” by David Hughes
- Laura Carlin.
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Iteration of characters responding to the statement “I am depressed”, when one character tries to engage in a conversation around mental illness. Some of them are slightly mocking others only mere observations. Overall the point is not to judge some of the reactions as anyone could respond in this way, including myself. I strayed away from my original more methaphorical idea to something more direct. I originally wanted to use this project as a personal outlet to find healing, but I wasn’t able to do the project with a more personal perspective yet. I see these iterations as a starting point towards the direction I would like to take in the future.
(They all tried and meant well in the end.)
Mrs Romantic Tumblr Quote.
“You know what’s better than feeling sad all the time? Running away to a small town and getting a job as a waitress. Buying a cheap car and sticking a bed in the back and going on a road trip. Adopting a cat. Learning a new instrument. Moving apartments. Visiting a friend in another city. Chopping all your hair off.”
Mr mental illnesses are not real.
“It’s in your head girl! It’s not real, you’re imagining it, just get over it and move on!”
Mr Nature solves every problem.
“Hey man, the best antidepressant is to be outdoor.”
Mrs You are not the only one out there.
“We all go through it, everybody feels the way you do!”
Mr Professional Life Coach.
“Eventually you have to live your life for real, assess and analyse your habits, understand your character, try not to hate yourself as it was shaped when you were very young by circumstances outside of you, and begin learning how to cope with your character, how to build habits that work for you, finish small projects, finish big projects, expose yourself to more uncomfortable situations, raise your anxiety level on purpose so that you can grow, raise your work load on purpose so that you can grow, so that you can build resilience, so that your life expands, so that —“
Mrs God has a plan for you.
“You feel like you are utterly alone in this world and nobody truly loves you, but Jesus is the answer to your sorrows! God loves you!”
Mrs Philosopher.
“It will pass, everything passes in life.”
Mrs I tried.
“Did you try to drink more water?”
Mr It’s not that deep.
“Hey it’s not that bad, try to see things in a different light! Your life is great!”
Mrs I am literally the same.
“ME TOO, OH MY GOD, ME TOO, WOW, SAME, LIKE SAME, I GO THROUGH THE SAME THING, WAIT, LET ME TELL YOU!!!!!”
Mrs I don’t know what to say so let’s try to be nice about it.
“Aw I am so sorry sweetie, I hope things work out for you soon!”
Mr I think I am a Saint.
“I am telling you about my personal experience that is clearly much more painful than yours, not to bring you a sense of guilt or make you feel like an impostor, but just so you can realise that you don’t have it that bad! Because look at what I went through!”
Mr captain obvious.
“You have to calm down and take a deep breath.”
Mrs I have a new product to sell you.
“I really understand what you’re going through, I used to be like that too, before I downloaded this new app called FeelGUD, for only 9.99 per month—“
Mrs No offense.
“I wouldn’t like to vex you but I noticed that ever since you have been feeling bad, you have changed a lot. I mean don’t take it personally, but you are not fun anymore. I always have to walk on eggshells with you. I literally can’t say anything to you. But anyway I am not blaming you, I am just saying!”
Mr Life is simple af.
“Why are you sad tho? Life’s good, smile more, it will do you good!”
Mrs I am an Empath.
“Why do you hate yourself so much? It hurts me!!! It hurts me to see you hurting!!!!! just stop it!!!!! I am begging you!!!!!!!”
Mrs I discovered the Law of Attraction a week ago.
“Try to affirm that you’re feeling great. Right now! You don’t realise it yet, but your thoughts are your reality! You are manifesting all of the bad stuff that is happening to you! Just tell yourself “I am a billionaire” and it will happen, I swear the Universe —“
Mrs Positive vibes only!
“Try not to think too much about it, like think positive and good thoughts from now on!”
Mr Doubtful
“Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure you are depressed?”
SKETCHS/
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