lovingtheloops

[lovingtheloops]

Bahay-bahayan

Three months ago we moved into our new home. This is the fifth house that our family has occupied in the past ten years; and this has got to be the most special…

For one, we do not have to worry about renting anymore, and we’ve started to welcome a new word in the family financial vocabulary called amortization. We have learned not to dread that word but to embrace it. It actually felt good to cook in a kitchen, sleep in bedrooms, and use toilets every day and not have haunting thoughts that somebody else have used these rooms before. We felt a big sense of freedom.

Then there is also the sense of permanence. When my son Adam, who was there in all the changes of addresses, heard that we will be getting a house to own by faith, he literally shouted a big Thank You to God. While each move brought us to better places, a previous home will always occupy a part of our hearts. And leaving one home had always been painful for us. For a year, I could never pass one of the houses we used to rent because it brought some sort of ache in my heart, tears would really build up when memories of birthdays and anniversaries and special times with family would flash back.

So because I was so happy, I posted our first meal to document a very special time (#milestone) for our family on Facebook.

A good friend from high school, who’s a young mom like me, made a comment saying she remembered clearly a blog that I wrote a long time ago about how hard it was to be a young mom and how I wished I would have been more prepared before I had children. Because I was not really sure if I was the one who wrote it, I said I was not sure if I wrote it, and I added a smiley – to really smile at her because I’m sure she understood how forgetful we’ve become since we became mothers.

The next day, I learned that she passed away.

I was shocked. I felt very sad. She was a very beautiful mom who left three adorable kids so early in her life. I hope I told her something else. Something more than my comment that only implied “High-five! That terrible and much-needed anaesthesia made us this forgetful!”

I wish I said that moving into our new home was not at all because of something special that I did – because my kids still see an imperfect mom, my sunny-side ups have yet to be improved (along with my temper), and our home, no matter how new, still accumulated dust in a lot of places that I miss out. I wish I had said that apart from God’s grace, I’m nothing.

It was not even because my husband did something special either. Realistically, we will never be able to afford for the downpayment for even the smallest condo unit. I wish I had said that apart from God’s provision, we won’t even have money to buy eggs to fry – let alone a house!

I wish I said that we can never be really prepared. Mark and I decided many years back that the perfect time for us to get married was when I’m 27 and he’s 28. But it all happened six years earlier. I realized now that having kids at 27 or 28, or even at 32, will not make things easy. At all. Taking care of kids, nurturing them, and training them is probably the most difficult task I have done in my life. Nothing would have prepared me for such a task as this!

I remember there was this time when a friend came to visit us in one of the houses we used to rent. This friend was rather fancy and well-off. I will never forget the comment she made when she saw me with little Amber and not-so-little Adam in our little house, “Oh this is so cute! Para kayong nagbabahay-bahayan!”

I successfully fought the urge to not be nice to her, so I smiled. But deep inside I was rolling my eyes at her! This lady – in her late 40’s, well-travelled, always on fancy mode, did not have a husband and children because maybe she’s still waiting for the perfect fancy man to have perfect fancy children with so they can live in a fancy house – had no idea what she was saying..

I praise God for that time because looking back at it now, it actually gave me a revelation of how our life on earth is so temporary, much like the bahay-bahayan game we used to play as kids.

It made me think more about life, and how it is short, how it is fast, and how I might have gotten the wrong perspective of what is permanent when we got this house. Recently, Adam pointed out to me, “Mom, do you realize that two years ago, we were still living in Valle Homes (our bahay-bahayan)? Time is so fast!” So even a child who was supposed to be living the slow, relaxed homeschool daily life feels it too!

Indeed, the days are long but the years are short. I lost three friends in the past months who were young moms like me. Surely, God knows the birthdays of their kids that they will miss, first days of school that they won’t be there, the huge amounts of laughter and singing and hanging out in the living room with their families that they will not experience anymore.  

For many days it made me anxious – especially when time allows me to think: usually before I sleep (which always resulted to bad dreams) or when I’m washing the dishes. I always try to choose the latter. When I’m successful in doing that, I pray and shift my focus on God, who prepared a permanent home for us in heaven. I would also talk to my husband Mark, who reminded me that yes, while time really seems fast, “We are still blessed to have seen how incredibly fast God was able (and will always be able) to move for us by giving us a home.”

So while I’m here on earth and I’m assigned the most special role every little girl yearned for when it was time to play bahay-bahayan – I pray that as a mother, God will teach me to “number my days, that [I] may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Proverbs 90:12)

[lovingtheloops]

Teaching Faith

We try to begin each year as a family by believing God for breakthroughs to happen in our lives for the whole year. We do this by prayer and fasting for five days as a church. While I was listing down my personal goals for 2016, I noticed a bored 8-year old on his desk drawing Star Wars characters for the past two hours. As a homeschool Mom who is always on the look-out for special perfect moments to teach special perfect topics to my child, I called out, “Adam, can you stop what you are doing, grab your planner, and sit down with me? We’ll write down our faith goals.” Talk about spontaneity and then planning!

I gave my son a lecture about faith as believing God for the impossible, for the unseen. Adam was able to apply what he learned fast by listing down some impossible things he’s believing God for in 2016. The list included a new job and a new shirt for his Dad, a more obedient little sister, a less crazy Mom, and two new toys and a new chair for himself. He also believed that God will heal his allergic conjunctivitis that has always bugged him the past year. A brief lecture with application in a very special and perfect moment – that, for me, was the perfect time to teach Faith.

But that was not exactly what God had in mind.

The first thing in my own list was for God to help me grow in my faith in 2016. And then when I wanted to add to that, my heart surprisingly stopped having big desires that I wanted to pray for. I felt myself to be in an unhealthy state of content. I remembered a few years back, Mark and I stopped praying for a house. Firstly because a single-income household can never afford it; and second, because we really really liked our home. We are renting a 60-square meter unit which is very easy to manage, the security is good, my kids have a lot of friends in the neighborhood, and threats of the earthquake had already gone down (we are just a few meters away from the fault line). And there are no problems with accessibility. A 15-minute walk will take me to my homeschool ministry and a 5-minute walk will take me to Starbucks or McDonalds – depending on whether it was Mark or the kids that I wanted to have a date with. That is how perfect the place is.  

So Mark and I talked and the kids agreed. With audacious faith, we will pray for the owner of this little home to sell the house to us, even if we knew how much this house meant to their family and even if we do not know where in the world we were going to get the money to buy it should they decide to sell it.

The next day we were soooo ready and excited to pray and fast – most especially for this house. We have seen the faithfulness of God in the past years that we have sought him at the start of each year. He gave us wisdom when we needed to make big decisions. He opened and closed a lot of doors. He provided for every single thing that we needed. He even gave us a baby girl because we wanted it to be a girl! As we were just starting the first day of fasting, the owner of our home called Mark to discuss an important matter. I said to myself while still feeling hopeful, Of course she would not be selling the house to us just yet (haha), I knew that this was the time of the year when we were to do the re-signing of the lease contract.

Mark came back. He had news that literally filled my eyes with tears. The owner was not going to renew the contract with us. Plus we needed to vacate our home in two months. I saw the devastated look in Adam’s face. While my world was slowly falling apart, I saw his world crashing down, too, but with higher speed – if I should try to quantify the rate it would be 1 shattered dream per second – what about his friends, his basketball court here, the friendly neighborhood cat, his sister’s friends, his MAPE classes that were so near, relatives who live nearby, the list goes on.. Then while crying he actually asked God what I also wanted to ask Him in my mind, “Why??”

This was difficult one. I would rather answer his questions about fractions, photosynthesis, Ferdinand Magellan, even Panghalip na Panao, but not this! I was the all-knowing Mom a few days back teaching Faith to my son and at this particular time when I should be talking, I couldn’t seem to find the words to tell him that God is in control.

I looked at Amber. She was with his Daddy when they received the news from our landlady. Unlike all of us, Amber acted like the cutest, fearless three-year old that she’s always been for me – leaving the past behind her and always looking and pressing forward. I told her again, using my own words, what exactly was happening, not to sow fear but just to be sure she really got it accurately. Still I never saw even a small sign of sadness, hopelessness, and fear in her. She even said with a big smile, “I want a pink room!” I cried even more, thanked and praised God for Amber’s childlike faith, and prayed to have that too.

Mark was mostly silent. Then he called all of us to the room and did what every helpless father, who had no idea what to do next and where his family would be finding shelter in in the next two months, would do. He called us to pray to our Faithful God. We prayed for healing for hurts, we prayed for peace, we prayed for our future shelter, for provision and so much favor in the next days.

After praying, miraculously, there was peace. We started dreaming bigger. Our faith goals that seemed impossible before were back in the list – Adam and Amber wanted a room that they can paint orange and pink. The desire to have a new laptop was back for me. I took this away before because there was just no space to have my nice cozy little corner for a laptop in our home now. Mark started to believe God for a bigger car. He could not pray for this before because we only had space to park one car. And a garden would be great so we can apply Adam’s Botany lessons.  

Today is the last day of fasting. We broke the fast still not knowing where we will be by March and where we will be getting resources. But we trust in a God who enlarges tents! And what greater way to teach Faith to our kids than to rest in the Promises of God together, find peace and dwell in Him especially through prayer, and surely we will witness as a family how He will deliver us from this situation. 

As the Psalmist wrote, “Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place – the Most High, who is my refuge – no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” 

I took this picture of Mark and the kids watching a tutorial on how to paint walls. For me it is a picture of faith in action. 

[lovingtheloops]

On Pride and a Push Cart

Yesterday, I almost got into a boxing match with a stranger in the supermarket.

Thankfully, he decided to walk away. 

We were on an emergency shopping late at night for Amber’s diapers. The kids were their usual excited selves, except this time the excitement level was higher because they were allowed to point and ask for goodies since their Lola was with us. So I let them be, given they wouldn’t break anything, ask for toys, or hurt anyone – especially each other. 

Adam ran to the cookies section. So naturally, little sister Amber, who always goes where Kuya goes, ran to catch up on him. A family of four passed by, and when Amber turned to look in our direction, the Dad of this family bumped their cart straight into Amber’s upper lip. Wham! 

Now my little Amber has great talent in concealing her pain. She’d bump her knees, elbows, legs (which most of the time resulted to bruises) and never cry. She fights back tears like an expert. 

Amber did not really cry when this guy smacked their cart right at her face; but surprisingly (at least for me), she was teary-eyed which meant she was in real solid pain. Then an even more surprising thing happened: the guy acted like there was no little girl who was obviously hurt in front of him and went on with their shopping. 

I was more than surprised. I was shocked. What was this guy thinking? I thought. Did he really think my daughter was just there to kiss their cart? I ran to pick up my child and saw that her upper lip and a part of her cheek had turned red and the tears that she had been trying to fight back rolled down her cheeks already. 

I was angry! Don’t get me wrong, I am used to seeing my kids get hurt everyday. I am used to seeing them get wounds and bruises of all shapes and sizes. Some they got from playing, and most I figured happened as a result of disobedience (“Do not come here yet, the floor is wet!”; “Please do not run too fast!”; “You have to dry up before leaving the bathroom!”). And it’s perfectly fine. But it is not at all fine to see a human being ignore a child who is in pain. Even worse to ignore a child that you yourself have inflicted pain on – whether intentionally or unintentionally. A man in his 30s just hurt a 3-year old girl and did not do anything about it. It’s just not how the world is supposed to work! 

Truth is, I was not even expecting an “Oh I’m sorry” from him. A little change in his facial expression would have sufficed. 

I was very angry! And to do something about it, I was determined to let this guy know that I was very angry. So I looked at him. I gave him a look as if to say, “You are a beast!” He looked at me too and then looked away after a few seconds. But I did not look away. In fact I got Mamang and my husband Mark to look at him too. I wanted to talk to him and tell him that the next time he hurts a kid accidentally he has to at least react! He must have sensed that he was outnumbered in this staring game so he moved to another aisle and then was out of view. 

But it was not enough for me! I started looking for him. I was happy to find out that they were only four counters away when we were paying for the groceries. They finished first. As they were walking out, I followed him, still carrying Amber, and still staring hard. Then the guy stared back! I decided if I had to win this I must do something more than stare. So I pointed at him! And the man still stared! 

When he didn’t seem to want to give up, I admit I was feeling a little scared already. So I did what a Christian wife would do – let the husband lead! I shouted, “Dad o! (talking to Mark) Sya yung bumangga kay Amber!” And then the guy walked away. Hahaha! I laughed again as I watched him had a difficult time getting his kid off the couches for sale that had "Please do not sit” signs. 

I won! Or so I thought… 

When we were already driving back home and the anger had already subsided, I narrated what happened to Adam, who apparently did not have any clue about what happened (there’s still a lot of things that I do not get about boys). I said it would have been useless to talk to that man because he would not really get it anyway. Men like that are already like that. An unsolicited advise, given in so much anger, will clearly not change him. 

Because of that, and because Proverbs says to discipline our little children while there is still hope, I became more determined to teach humility to the kids while they are young. I don’t want them to grow up like that. This includes practice in saying probably the most difficult words to mutter in this world (which honestly made me admire our former president): “I am sorry”. 

But thinking about it now, I wouldn’t want my kids to grow up and react as their mom did also. I never really won that fight that I started. I should have stopped when the man looked away the first time I stared hard at him. But I let pride and anger creep in. 

Pride kept telling me that it was not enough that the man looked away. Pride kept pushing me to teach the man a lesson. My pride told me I should never be the one who has to say sorry. All my life I thought I was relatively humble and calm. And then that little incident revealed how messed up my heart was and how badly I needed grace. Because of my big pride (and because Mark seemed to have bigger muscles), I was actually ready to get into a real fight with a stranger in the supermarket! 

Again, I’m just so grateful that my enemy swallowed his pride first and walked away. 

I asked Amber when we got home how her lip was. She cheerfully said, “Not painful!” then rushed to get her Chocolait from the grocery bag. 

I thank God for his mercies are new every morning. And while I am determined to crush little seeds of anger and pride in the hearts of my kids, I realized that my Heavenly Father is also still doing his work in my heart, not giving up on me, even a few days before I hit thirty. 

[lovingtheloops]

Just Keep Playing

I take my kids out to play with the other kids in the neighborhood every afternoon. Both Adam and Amber look forward to 4:30 pm every day, the former child being the time-keeper. Yesterday was a pretty ordinary day for me and Amber. She picked rocks, twigs, flowers and leaves, ran around in circles with her playmates, let me chase her, got caught and then got tickled, held another toddler’s hand to be best friends for the day, and waved goodbye to them before sunset. For Adam, things have been a little different...

As a homeschool mom, I have been a little cautious sending Adam off to play. For one, homeschoolers, I have noticed, are not very good in deciphering the jokes of other kids. Adam himself is a terrible joker. He tells jokes like this, “What did the turtle say to the frog?” He then changes his voice and says, “Hi friend!” I don’t know if I should laugh or cry whenever he throws “jokes”. So when joking turns into teasing with the kids outside, he gets hurt easily.

Last month, one of his friends came to me and said, “Adam’s Mom! Adam’s Mom! Adam said that dinosaurs were in Noah’s ark!” All five of them were running towards me, my son was trailing behind them and I could already see tears rolling down his cheeks. It turns out he was sharing his History (Creation-based) lessons to his friends. Because I didn’t want to make matters worse, I fought the motherly urge to run to my son to hug and comfort him. So I tried to look tough and said, “Yes that’s actually possible. Dinosaurs were created in the 5th and 6th days together with all crawling and flying creatures. They could be saved from extinction in Noah’s ark, and then died in the ice age.” I sensed that they believed me a little, until after a few seconds of digesting what I said, one of them shouted, “Noah was a caveman! Ha ha ha!” Like I said, Adam was not a good giver and receiver of jokes; and it turned out to be something I was so thankful for at that specific time. He did not take that as a further ridicule to his beliefs and figured his friends might have believed him (and his tough Mom) after all. So all was well and they went back to being great playmates. 

Until yesterday. 

I saw Adam holding back his tears while one of the kids told him, “How do you even know that this leviathan actually existed?” He answered, “It’s in the Bible.” The leviathan was described in Job 41 as an enormous creature, one may conclude that it was a sea dinosaur. Adam’s friend’s didn’t argue any further but went on telling him about things in the big school that homeschooling cannot provide - a huge library with a statue of Jose Rizal, nutrition week, field trips, and graduation days. Some kids are just naturally boastful, which is not really an issue for me since I know I’m naturally like that sometimes too. Haha. 

Nevertheless, I carried a heavy heart walking home yesterday. Well, it’s partly because Amber was heavy and my other hand just had to hold Adam’s. But the bigger reason was because I felt that I may be depriving my son of something he can experience only in a big school. 

I always know when something bothers my son emotionally when he acts perfectly normal at nighttime but becomes quiet, stares at the wall, and bites his fingernails when he’s already in bed. This is when my husband Mark and I would come in to talk to him, encourage him, let him feel that we love him, let him know that God loves him more than we do, and then pray with him. And God has always been faithful to lavish on our family fresh grace every morning as if we were never hurt the day before. 

In my own quiet and staring-at-the-wall time, I think about why our family has chosen to homeschool. I go back to my goal so that I can be encouraged again. The Bible says we should never be weary of doing good for we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up. So why do we homeschool? Because there was a need for someone who would read to my kids tirelessly and wouldn’t mind getting a painful jaw, love them unconditionally even when they make mistakes, not judge and label them, hug and kiss them many times a day, teach and discipline them, guide them, explain a lot of things to them, listen to them explain too, sing and dance with them, pray with them, and ultimately to disciple them and lead them to Jesus. Someone would need a great deal of time to be able to do that. And that’s what homeschooling has so graciously given us. It’s never easy because it is not the norm (please don’t get me wrong, the norm works perfectly well). It’s even a lot harder because with all that time we spend together, a lot of bad character will also be exposed in the home. We would have no choice but to accept and deal with it right away. But every night it brings a smile on my face as I think about the day that has passed. 

I would never trade watching my son fight back tears when he read the last pages of Charlotte’s Web and found out that the clever spider was dying to an experience of being in a big library that has a statue of Rizal. The victorious look that my little researcher had after finding an article on leviathans in his almanac last night was also priceless (“Mom! They feasted on whales!”). I told Adam we can go to field trips every day. He said, “When we have a lot of money?” I said we don’t even need money. A simple walk to the grocery can be a learning experience in itself. And he agreed to that right away. I also told him that graduation only happens after pre-school, grade school, high school, and college, not every year. And because our homeschool provider held graduation exercises too, I told him, “You never really missed out on that.” I can just hear his sigh of great relief after hearing that. The nutrition week would have to wait for now because we cannot give up on hotdogs and Spam just yet. Haha. 

Today we will go out again to play. And my confidence is as big as a leviathan because my son is guarded by the Holy Spirit.. and because he knows the fact that Jose Rizal was homeschooled first before he went to the big school which has the library that now carries his statue.

[lovingtheloops]

On Dentists and Dreams

There’s been a lot of talk in our house about dentists lately. We are taking Adam to the dentist tomorrow. He got two of his molars seriously infected (he used to have fever) by cavities that I feel they have to be taken out. I’m not playing dentist; I’m using what I call a very motherly common sense. If you look at one tooth for instance, it has become mostly black, almost half of it has been chipped-off I would not want to imagine where most of its parts might have been now. 

So after weeks of convincing him that he needs to go to the dentist, he finally agreed and we got an appointment right away. And then the most terrible thing happened to me: my very own molar got chipped-off while flossing! I laughed at God’s sense of humor. He knows my own fear of the dentist and now I have to teach by example! It is very hard when I had to model patience, gentleness, and self-control to my children; but when modeling comes with pain, I know that this is going to be more difficult!

As I was bathing Adam this morning I decided to have one of our daily do-not-fear-the-dentist conversations once again. Of course I didn't tell him that mostly it was to encourage myself to be brave. As if talking to myself, I said Jesus will be with him so he has no reason to be afraid. I said that it would honestly hurt but he has to deal with it. I said that he should pray before the dentist starts with the procedure. I said all kids must go through this. I said that we will be going to my friend, her Tita Jane, who is literally a friendly dentist and she will take care of him. I said I would reward him with ice cream of his choice, to which he asked “Even if I have asthma?” and to which I answered, while trying to conceal the hesitation, “Yes!”

Then out of the blue I started to share with him, “You know I wanted to be a dentist when I was a young girl. That was what I've always dreamed of.” Most meaningful conversations that Adam and I have happen either during bedtime or while I’m helping him take a bath. I suppose it is because we would be confined to a little space and have no choice but to either listen or be heard.

I went on telling him about my childhood dream. I had a very nice dentist growing up. She knew how afraid I was of her and of every procedure she did on my teeth (from cleaning to extractions). She took the time to pray with me the moment I sat on the dreaded chair. She encouraged me to write prayers before any dental appointment and bring it to her clinic. She gave pretty stickers too and getting those stickers before seemed like little trophies for me! It was mostly because I wanted to be like her that a dream of becoming a very nice dentist was planted in my little heart. But like most childhood dreams, that dream died slowly as I was growing up. 

“When did it die?”Adam asked. I said, “I don’t remember. Maybe it was some time in high school.” I got very sad thinking about it. It’s not really because I still want to be a dentist now. But the thought that dreams could actually die just like that breaks my heart. For me it is a picture of hope killed. So I started telling my son to keep sharing with me his dreams so I can help him make them come true. And more importantly so that we can pray about them since I realized I never, even once, prayed for my dreams before. 

While he was drying up after his bath, he said the most heart-warming words one could say to a mom who just remembered her dream that never came true, “Mom I think it was not God’s plan for you to be a dentist. He wanted you to be a very loving Mom to me and Amber.. and to help us grow up to be good people.” My eyes were filled with tears! Once again, God has affirmed my decision to give up a lot of things for my family. He decided to put me where I can stay home with my children, to know and cater to their needs, to bathe them, to feed them, to teach them, to be there when they fight and then make sure they forgive each other after, to sincerely look when they shout, “Look, Mom!”, to listen to their dreams and their stories, and hopefully as Adam said and only by the infinite grace of God, to help them become good people. 

I started smiling as I think of the goodness of God and how He always has a perfect plan and a future for us if we put all our hope in Him (Jeremiah 29:11). Now I have the peace and the joy that is beyond understanding. Oh how hard it must have been for me to obey His call if I was so enjoying dentistry! I guess engineering for me was less hard to give up which was why God put me there. Ha ha! I still had that big smile on my face as Adam started telling me with so much excitement how unsure he is if his dream is to become a basketball star or a filmmaker and as Amber was pulling my hand to sing and dance with her to a song about making a wish upon a star and being anything you want to be. 

[lovingtheloops]

Being Teacher-Mommy

Yesterday I overheard Adam’s playmate throw him an unusually difficult question, “Is your Mom a registered teacher?”

Part of me wanted to go to Adam and his friend and show my college diploma, thinking it would somehow convince them that even without units in Education, I am practically capable of teaching grade school Math, Science, and Language Arts. But then I decided to wait and see how their conversation will go (I often thank the Lord for giving me the grace to not give in to my pride so easily, which has saved me from a lot of embarrassment!). Apparently, Adam does not grasp yet what his friend meant by registered. And I guess his friend was not in the mood to explain what it meant during playtime. So they went on talking about other things little boys talk about.

But it left me thinking about the boy’s question a lot. Our family is on our fourth year in our homeschooling journey. Generally, I’d say everything is going well. Yet every now and then I would still find myself doubting my ability as a teacher. You see, I have come to realize that teaching requires not just being knowledgable on the subject to be taught. More than that, it requires supernatural patience and creativity. I may have completed too much Calculus units that my brain can take in this lifetime but that does not matter a bit if I don’t have the patience to teach simple Addition to my children.

On the aspect of being creative, I remember when I was in college, ABS-CBN launched its first season of Pinoy Big Brother. It was a big hit! People were talking about it. I noticed Filipinos began to wonder if they have what it takes to qualify for a stay in the house. To get in, you have to be interesting. You got to have talent. You have to be, at the very least, good-looking. So I took all the courage that I have to ask a friend, “Do you think I’m interesting enough to audition?” He answered me, “That’s the point Madz! They might accept you because you are one of a kind - you don’t have any talent! You’re very boring! Ha ha!” I laughed about it too, but it did get me into thinking - Is there really nothing about me that I can offer the world?

When this happens, and I must say it happens a lot, I look to God. God said I am the apple of His eye. God said that absolutely nothing in this world nor in the heavens can take His love away from me. Because of that, I am special, beautiful, and talented in His eyes. God said I may be weak, but He is strong. When my strength comes from Him, it is indeed supernatural. He gives me the grace to be supernaturally patient when teaching my children. And He enables my children to grow in wisdom that I do not have to be supernaturally creative in teaching them all the time!

I look at my children now and see how God has been good and faithful in our homeschooling. I cannot sing but my kids can. Adam goes enthusiastically to his voice lessons every week. Oh the joy that parents have when their kids are not forced into learning! I love getting a share of this feeling every now and then. Adam’s Advisor in school affirmed that he draws really well when I don’t even remember teaching him how to hold a pencil! I tried reading a book that Adam finished in a day. I ended up reading it for a whole week! Many nights I would see Adam read his Bible independently - a sight that always fills my heart with thanksgiving. And for the past weeks I have watched my children get along and become wonderful playmates. Adam would put down a very interesting toy or book just to read to his little sister Amber. This all happened without much intervention from me.

So, no, I am not a registered teacher. But I am my children’s registered Mommy. And like all moms, God has given me a heart to teach my children, to train them in a way that I always hope pleases the Lord. I am so blessed that homeschooling works for our family. I did not do any of it on my own for truly it is not by might, nor by power, but only by His Spirit that this is even possible.

As for that word registered, should I discuss it tomorrow during Social Studies or Language Arts?

[lovingtheloops]

Different By A Few Degrees

Our past five days have been spent taking care of sick little Amber. At first I thought it was only a simple case of a little molar coming out because she kept pointing to her mouth. So I regularly cleaned my hands to rub her gums in an attempt to soothe her. But because her fever was still very high on the second day (reaching 39.5C), I decided to stop playing doctor and let the licensed MD give a diagnosis. Amber apparently has tonsillitis. I hope all that gum rubbing didn't make it worse because according to the doctor, her tonsils are really swollen and are about to "touch one another". How many tonsils does my kid have, I wondered. 

Taking care of a sick baby is not easy. I would remember her Kuya Adam when he was a baby. Every time he got sick, he would cling to me more. He would need me more for the comfort that I like to believe only a Mom can give. I loved that feeling very much, just take out the anxiety of watching a sick child and the ache that carrying toddlers for longer hours always give my scoliotic back. 

With Amber it is more difficult.

For one, Amber is very clingy to me, much more clingy than her Kuya Adam. It could be an effect of raising her when I had the privilege of working from home before; also, I gave up my full-time job before she turned two. This made her used to being with me all the time while Adam was used to everyday goodbyes. When not sick, she follows me around wherever I go. We have a very small house in Pasig and it's really funny sometimes to see her look scared that I might leave her when I would stand up to get something three feet away! She even waits by the bathroom door every time I had to use the toilet! So if babies are more clingy when they are sick, my back pains are more excruciatingly painful with Amber.

I also noticed that Amber's fever reached levels I have never experienced with Adam before. A 38C temperature for Adam will already give him chills and make him very weak to even move or stay awake for long hours. With Amber it's different. She can still fight to resist her medicines even when she is at 39C. Also, I noticed that Adam usually got well faster than Amber. I think Amber's antibodies are always in fighting mode just like their host. We are on the fourth day of antibiotics and Amber still has high grade fever every now and then. So I'm here blogging while watching her sleep, praying she won't vomit, waiting to check on her temperature again, and hoping for favorable numbers.

I remember four days ago, the scientist in me tried to check how different the temperature of one armpit could be from the other. And I was shocked to find out that Amber's right armpit was more than one degree hotter than the left! That led me more to assume that my diagnosis of an aching molar was true because the molar was on the same side as the warmer armpit! But even if my diagnosis was proven incorrect, discovering differences such as these can be amazing. Each time I see how different my children are from each other simply amazes me. 

More than how they respond to sicknesses, Adam and Amber are very different from each other. One likes eggs, the other hates it. One seems to enjoy packing away toys after playing, it comes as a struggle for the other. One learned the alphabet faster, while the other learned colors at an earlier age. One seems to have a stronger personality. One asks for and releases forgiveness easier. One shows faster motor skills development. And the list goes on.

I thank God for their differences. He is, after all, the One who made them fearfully and wonderfully. Some differences scare me because I realize I will have to learn new parenting and teaching styles when I thought I knew it already. And learning, more often than not, takes a lot of going through experiences which are not easy. But I trust their First Father and believe that He will enable me to do it by His grace. So I am excited to embrace and enjoy discovering these differences when they come.

For now I have to go back to taking care of the one who hates eating eggs. 

[lovingtheloops]

God Blesses His Children With Lead-Free Toys

A few weeks ago my family walked around the village to see the annual Christmas Bazaar. By 'see' I literally mean to just 'look' and never under any circumstances 'buy'. I have also thought of it as a fun fitness activity for us (who all seemed to have gained a lot of weight lately). This was an exercise both for our muscles and on our skills to doing window shopping. 

We passed by a lot of stalls selling fruits, barbeque, new and used clothing, and then from four stalls away, I could already see the cheap little stuffed Elsas and Annas and Legos that were actually spelled L-e-l-e when read very closely. 

Amber saw them from afar too! "Mommy, look! Elsa! Anna! Olaaaf!" So I would answer her with my usual, "Wow! Next time baby, we'll get that!" Favorably, our toddler never complained (yet). And then it was her older brother's turn to be heard. "Mom, can we buy this?" He was holding up a box of Lego, or should I say Lele, Ninja Turtles while adding, "It's only 50 pesos."

Since my famous line worked with Amber, I tried it on Adam too but with a few additions. "Next time Babe. And you have the large Ninja Turtles already. You just got them a few days ago for your birthday remember?" He put the toy back, looked down, and sadly asked, "Please, Mom? The bazaar's closing tomorrow." With a heavy heart I still said no and continued on to the see the other stalls. For that half-kilometer stretch of bazaar stalls, I would feel Adam shift his emotions from being sad to feeling mad and then I would feel him try to make me feel that he was sad and mad by pulling my hand and dragging his feet. He was grumbling!

I stopped to think about God and the Israelites grumbling in the wilderness. The bazaar stretch was my son's wilderness. Then I thought about how many times I have acted exactly the same way as my son with God when I do not get what I have been praying really hard for. Blessings so I can bless. Financial independence. Healing for my children. Guitar skills for my son. The list would go on, and everything sounded noble and valid for me. 

Parenting has helped me shift my perspective to have an understanding of the heart of God for His children. What Adam was asking for was very easy for me to get for him. It was only 50 pesos. And it will surely give him a big smile as soon as he gets it. Every parent would want that. At least that's what I used to believe. And I'm afraid that was what I have been making him feel during the years I have worked full-time. Weekends were treasured times for me to spend with my family and even then I would look at getting 50-peso toys that would surely paint big smiles on my kids' faces as harmless. I didn't know that these were temporary and has made Adam so used to getting things right away. 

Our budget has been tighter this year and I want to teach my kids to learn to wait and be content with what they have. That character will reap rewards. I know it is going to be difficult because it will take a lot of getting used to, especially for Adam but the Bible says my labor is never in vain. 

God is a wonderful Father. He knows my needs even before I ask. He withholds or delays if what I'm praying for will only bring harm. His desire is to bless me abundantly, more than cheap little things that we ask for. He owns everything anyway. More importantly, He looks at my heart and helps me to change my character. 

It has been weeks since that incident with Adam and I'm seeing little improvements already. He has become more appreciative of what he has. When not given what he wants, he becomes just sad and never mad. He handles defeat better than before. Last week his Lolo blessed him with 500 pesos. He used 150 to buy 3 packs of Play-Doh, two for him and one he blessed his sister with. He even said I can use the rest to buy myself new underwear! Haha!

I praise God for His goodness to me and my family knowing and trusting that all things will definitely work together for the good of those who love Him. He desires to bless His children with safe lead-free toys.