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lucia-typology · 8 months ago

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27 Enneagram Subtypes [1/3: Body Centre]

Transcribed from Beatrice Chestnut’s talk, based on Naranjo’s description of the 27 instinctual variant subtypes: 9 enneatypes × 3 instinctual variants. Includes lookalikes, subtypes that can look similar, and countertypes, the subtype that goes against the usual flow of the passion as expressed by the type.

Enneagram 8

Holy Idea: Truth Ego Fixation: Vengeance (Objectification) Virtue: Innocence Passion: Lust (Forcefulness) Basic Desire: Self-protection Basic Fear: Being harmed, controlled, violated Temptation: Thinking they are completely self-sufficient [More]

Sp 8: “Satisfaction” - Strong desire for satisfaction and intolerance of frustration related to not getting their needs satisfied.

Strong need to get what’s theirs, what they need for survival. "This is mine, I have to get it right now".

Goes after what they want without talking about it very much. No nonsense, no worries, no word play.

Driving need is an exaggerated ability to take care of oneself, exaggerated selfishness.

Good in business: know how to barter, bargain and get the upper hand over anyone. Know how to survive in difficult circumstances, and know how to get what they want from other people.

Most armed and most protected of the 8s.

Can look like: 5 or sx 1, but the sx 1 is hyper-social whereas the sp 8 is under-social.

So 8: Countertype - A contradiction: rebellious and goes against social norms, but also oriented towards protection and loyalty.

A social anti-social person. Aggression in the service of life and of others. More loyal and less aggressive. Helpful, concerned with injustices that happen to others. Anti-social element with regard to the rules of society.

Symbolically represents the child who became tough in protecting their mother against their father. Bands together with the mother and goes against the patriarchy, the “powers that be” and all that is associated with it. Violence out of solidarity.

Sensitive to detecting situations in which some people are being persecuted or exploited by others who hold more power. When detected, they usually act to protect those who are less powerful.

By becoming the protector at too young an age, they loose consciousness of their own need for love and care.

Seem softer and calmer than other 8s, but have a blind spot where their own needs for love and care are concerned. More mellow, friendly, less quick to anger. Rebel in more subtle, less obvious ways.

Can look like: 2.

Sx 8: “Possession” - Most rebellious and most emotional, takes over the whole scene energetically, becomes the center of things, easily possesses everyone’s attention.

More outspoken with rebellion, don’t mind being seen as “bad”. It’s a matter of pride to go against the stream of convention.

Strong anti-social tendency. Provocative, out-front saying that their values differ from the norm.

Fascinating and charismatic, power comes through a kind of seductiveness and intensity that differentiates them stylistically from the other two 8s.

More colors in its feathers, more magnetic.

Most emotional of the 8, displays a lot of passion for things. Passion may be expressed through expressions of emotions and vulnerability that may seem surprising to others, and atypical for many 8s.

Enneagram 9

Holy Idea: Love Ego Fixation: Indolence (daydreaming) Virtue: Action Passion: Sloth (Disengagement) Basic Desire: Wholeness, peace of mind Basic Fear: Loss, fragmentation, separation Temptation: Avoiding conflicts, avoiding self-assertion [More]

Sp 9: “Appetite” - Need to find protection through the comfort of merging with an experience of the satisfaction of physical needs.

Consistently get lost in one activity or another, e.g. eating, sleeping, reading or working, to avoid or forget their own being for the experience of a deeper void of being. Find a substitute sense of comfort of being in the fulfillment of their appetites.

Safer to hide out in the comfort of a familiar routine than to have to show up and risk potential conflict or over-stimulation.

“Appetite” - also sense of concreteness, the grounding aspect of fulfilling one’s physical needs in simple straightforward ways. Concrete, practical, don’t relate much to abstractions or metaphysical concepts.

Inertia, but also stronger presence, more irritable and stronger than the other 9s, can look more 8-ish (but still very different).

Want more time alone than the other 9s.

Distinct sense of humor - wry and self-deprecating.

So 9: Countertype - Need to feel a part of things, which expresses and overcompensates for an experience of feeling different or not fitting into a group of community.

This experience of not belonging drives them to overcompensate by being generous and sacrificing, to do whatever is necessary to meet the needs of the group.

Can be workaholics; don’t show their pain nor their fatigue.

Generous, unselfish, mindful of the group, gifted in satisfying the needs of others to the point where they sacrifice themselves. Lighthearted, Fun loving and sociable.

Passion or need to do what is necessary to be admitted to and be one with the group, but that takes a lot of effort. Will not show this effort.

Can be a very good leader: a good person, unselfish, want to satisfy the responsibilities others put on them.

Can look like: 3, because they work and accomplish a lot without showing their stress.

Sx 9: Need to be through another to gain a sense of being that they do not find inside themselves, through the fusion with somebody else.

May have difficulty in locating their own passion for living, and so look for it through finding another person.

Unconscious use of a relationship to feed one’s own being, because it is too painful or threatening to be on one’s own.

That is kind of substitution, because it is more comfortable to stand through another instead of on one’s own two feet. May not realize they’ve made this substitution as loosing themselves in another may happen at an unconscious level.

Can merge with a partner, parent or other person as a way of finding a life purpose. Merging: energetic taking on of feelings, attitudes, beliefs and even behavior.

Kind, gentle, tender and sweet, one of the least assertive types.

Can look like: 4, in that they may experience or express similar themes related to relationships.

Enneagram 1

Holy Idea: Perfection Ego Fixation: Resentment Virtue: Serenity Passion: Anger Basic Desire: Goodness, Integrity, Balance Basic Fear: Corruption, imbalance, being bad Temptation: Hypocrisy, hyper-criticism [More]

Sp 1: Perfectionist, often worries, fusses and feels anxious, due to an excessive sense of responsibility.

Often history of chaotic family, where they had to provide stability. Most responsible person in family even as children.

Survival fear and need to have every detail under control, need for foresight, worry about what’s going to happen.

Anger is most repressed - gentle, decent. Mechanism of defense transforms heat of anger into warmth.

Don’t see themselves as perfect, but as imperfect and needing to perfect themselves.

Can look like: 6 due to anxiety

So 1: Is perfect and focuses on being perfect, less of a perfectionist.

Anger is already half hidden; intellectual type of person, whose main characteristic is control.

Feels a need to know or demonstrate the right way to do things, model the right way of being for others, to teach by one’s example how things should be done. Schoolteacher mentality: “what I do is right”, “this is how it is”, “I’m going to tell you how it should be”.

Need for superiority: “I’m right, you’re wrong”. Tendency to make others wrong to have power over them.

Transformation of heat of anger into cold. Anger is not completely repressed, because there is an equivalent of anger in the passion for being the owner of the truth.

Can look like: 5, separated from the crowd, may seem superior even though they don’t have the conscious aim of putting themselves above others.

Sx 1: “Zeal”, Counter type - Perfect others, reformers, has an intensity of desire.

Looks different from the others and is the 1 counter type, because it is more openly angry.

More of a reformer than a perfectionist, need to perfect other people.

The only 1 that is explicitly angry. Impatient, can be invasive, goes after what it wants and has a sense of entitlement, like the mentality of a conqueror.

Intensity of desire fueled by anger, that motivates them to want to improve others, to make things and people and society in general more the way they should be.

Can have a “why not” attitude regarding their desires. Tend to feel that they have the right to what they want, that they have a corner on the truth, on the right action. This comes from a sense of justice, of being right, being honorable.

Can look like: 8.

[Heart Centre] • [Head Centre]

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lucia-typology · 8 months ago

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Can you please compare the blind spots of the instinctual variants?

Excellent question. Depending on how these blind spots are stressed within the stacking and enneagram context, they may or may not play a very important role. I regard them the “life lesson” aka the field opposing a person´s comfort zone that they have to conquer to achieve something in a healthy way. Read between the lines - everything I list is an indirect strength and already present unconsciously.

Profiles of the Three Blind Spots

sx blind spot: Neglect of partnership needs, lack of depth in their everyday connections, feeling disjoined from the core of people and life in general despite possessing social grace, a falsely assumed feeling of eerie incompleteness. Romantic unease. A compelling vicious circle of unfaithfulness, a fickle and shy persona, non-assertive approach, not wanting to get to the root of things (–> avoidance of getting “real” or the extreme), love of routine and safety, hypocrisy, accepting the status quo blindly.

so blind spot: Neglect of social groups, detrimental withdrawing tendency or socially antagonistic streak, overemphasis on self or a partnership, lack or altruism, overindulgence, preference of a private setting, pessimism. Self-importance. Obsession/addiction, impoliteness, unrealistic views, misanthropy (!). Snarky, desperate lone wolf. (You and) me against the world. Hatred for social gatherings. Rejecting everyone but expecting help/ pitying oneself when all hell breaks loose. Clingy. Assuming everyone´s out there to get them. Isolating self-image from societal context. Too rebellious for their own good.

sp blind spot: Neglect of personal needs, disregard of the important role that material goods play in today´s society, lack of thriftiness. Recklessness. Workaholism brings about downfall, biting off more than one can chew, dependency that compensates for lack of self-reliance. Not wanting to settle, constant unrest, a hidden insecurity. Ending up broke. Not being able to be alone. Rose-coloured glasses. Not trusting your skills. Unconsciously destroying oneself through affiliations, not coming to terms with oneself and trying to find what you lack within others (and failing because only you can complete yourself). Total exhaustion. Overestimating your resources.

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lucia-typology · 8 months ago

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Variations of Instinctual Variant

SP/SO

sp/so strongside (weak so) - concerned with building and maintaining an orderly home, personal stability, and the protection and nurturing of these life support systems. consequently many strongsiders are concentrated in the small towns and suburban areas where likeminded people support and respect each other’s space and privacy. tapping sx/sp gives them a taciturn edge, tending to be social-second in name only; this range is arguably the purest expression of self preservation. their somewhat gruff demeanor can make them quite amusing despite themselves. can occasionally seem sp/sx due to stronger focus on personal items, food, and domestic concerns. the pillar, the accountant, the farmer. sp/so builder (moderate so) - the most businesslike range of sp/so, and hence all stacks and ranges. trades a degree of self sufficiency to be involved with larger organizations, bringing along their natural propensity for development and management of resources. for example a strongsider may attain financial security for themselves or loved ones, but a midrange builder may enrich an entire team, company, or city on the way. frequently found among entrepreneurs, architects, engineers, bankers, city planners, corporate ceo’s, and coaches, as well as proprietors and managers of small businesses. can be difficult for them to relate outside of their primary focus, being more ‘locked in’ to their stack than the other ranges. as such they are inclined to busy themselves with projects which seem useful to them. the planner, the developer, the executive. sp/so weakside (strong so) - draws from so/sx to produce what is overall a lighter, friendlier, and more humor employing style within self pres (though funny through conscious effort and without much irony, unlike strongsiders who are relatively less aware of how they’re perceived). can seem more sociable than many so/sp’s, and better embodying of a common touch. a notable degree of social consciousness tempers their more private security seeking instinct, so not surprisingly weaksiders can seem soc first, often with a certain generous or self sacrificial quality. the self deprecator, the sidekick, the philanthropist.

SO/SP

so/sp warmside (weak sp) - pulls from sx/so to enhance outer warmth, revving up the soc to where they can pass off as more stereotypically so/sx than many true so/sx’s. Not surprisingly, many supposed so/sx’s are in fact so/sp’s of this range. being sx last they tend to relate less through nonverbal expression and more through talking and joking around; but what they lack in subtlety they may make up for in overt conscientiousness, whereas so/sx’s tend to be subtle and tactful.

Stereotype: the populist, the humorist, the fundraiser.

Examplar: jay leno, arnold schwarzenegger, conan o'brien, “the rock”, john mccain, ellen degeneres, george w. bush.

so/sp cordial (moderate sp) - the classic or ‘true’ so/sp, not likely to be mistaken for either so/sx nor sp/so. the most wide reaching and moderate of the ranges; friendly but not ingratiating, anchored by a larger sense of community but not at the expense of delicate alliances. More verbal than the formal range but less sociable than warmsiders; have a strong sense of fairness and equality, though an academic or careerist bent may come off as elitist.

Stereotype: the journalist, the globalist, the egalitarian.

Exemplar: obama, bob costas, mike wallace, al gore, hillary clinton, steve nash.

so/sp formal (strong sp) - pulls from sp/sx for a more self contained style. soc while still primary, is muted; can seem critical and more impersonal than the other ranges. a usual focus on topics, issues, and responsibilities affecting specific levels of society. usually well connected, but in informal settings may let others do most of the talking. can seem self pres at first glance.

Stereotype: the pundit, the judge, the commentator.

Exemplar: george will, larry king, bill maher, bill o'reilly, helen clark, jesse ventura, margaret thatcher.

SP/SX

the infamous staring tendencies of sp/sx’s seem to vary according to the sx level. decadents might stare flirtatiously and inadvertently give the wrong signal. ascetics might be intently watchful in a way that seems colder or more vigilant. midrangers should seem a bit casual or lazy about it by comparison.

sp/sx ascetic (weak sx)

- mimics sp/so building of career and security, with an eye on advancement in the name of self sufficiency, but little or no concern for status as in the case of so/sp. generally serious but enjoys being amused by others.

quote: “looking out for number one.”

pulls from: so/sp, to mute sx

role: the island, the one-man enterprise

exemplars: tiger woods, jerry west, hugh heffner, evel knievel, paul newman, george lucas, johnny carson

fictional from star wars: boba fett

sp/sx binger (midline)

- can 'hang out’ around likeminded persons to imbibe in favorite goodies, though social interaction itself is not a priority. they do however remain slyly conscious of interpersonal attraction, even if characteristically hesitant to make a first move. whether alone or not, retains an air of privacy, reluctant to 'come out’ of themselves.

quote: “all things in moderation, including moderation.”

role: the soloist, the mercenary

exemplars : kobe bryant, anthony bourdain, simon cowell, robert deniro, harrison ford, ralph nader

fictional from star wars: han solo

sp/sx decadent (strong sx)

- sp at its most saturated with sx; self-attending ways are offset by a wilder outgoing streak, reaching outside themselves then pulling back. noticable 'sx-y’ quality, often enough to pass for sx first.

quote: “what is my life, without the things I love?”

pulls from:sx/so, to enhance sx

role: the sensualist, the hedonist

exemplars: david beckham, sarah mclachlan, dido, rachael ray, george harrison, maureen dowd

fictional from star wars: lando calrissian

SX/SP

sx/sp seducer (weak sp) - sx in full command produces an active recruiter of potential mates; but being sx/sp this remains in the yin mode of seducing. charismatic and overtly sexualized, arguably the most purely sx of all stacks and ranges. draws from so/sx shadow to liven up sx into an erotic playfulness and to keep sx far ahead of their relatively nominal sp. an emotional yearning to their mating ritual; an inherently unstable range that can lead to a pattern of serial heartbreak. often confused for sx/so. sx/sp mystifier (moderate sp) - the range where the mystique of the sx/sp stack is at its strongest. unconsciously attracts with intense eye contact and other sx feelers, but holds back enough to give them a kind of untouchable or hard to get close to quality. depending on their true intentions this can either frustrate their sx or reward their functional sp cooling system. like midrangers of all stacks, there’s a seemingly casual approach to meeting their variant needs as the secondary instinct is kept both in play and at bay, and others may wonder what they really want. sx/sp wanderer (strong sp) - the most clasically 'blocked’ of the sx’s, often exchanging intimacy in favor of the more immediate pleasures of the body. paradoxically the most wandering and restless of the sx/sp’s. pulls from sp/so to ensure the sx flood is contained by the sp levee, which can provide a sense of stability at the expense of seeming put off by others. sex can mean a hollow satisfying of the instinct while more vulnerable feelings are suspended. quietly charged but muted, and can seem self pres first.

Basically:

seducer - sx with no brakes mystifier - sx with an emergency break wanderer - sx with brakes

(Taken from discussion on TypeWatch Forum)

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

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I'm attracted to the dark theme, however I'm sick of the serious emotions in it.

I like to enjoy watching it alone. I don't like to get out of my safety zone. I'm really sick of people who change dark themes to controversial problems.

I get really uncomfortable with blaming or criticism.

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

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INFP/INFJ vs IEI (INFp) / EII (INFj)

Some people believe that, for introverts, you can correlate MBTI type directly into Socionics type by performing a "P/J switch". This means they think INFJ -> IEI (INFp) and INFP -> EII (INFj), automatically. The reasoning is that this allows people in MBTI and Socionics to share their four valued functions. However, this is a misconception based on the mindset that the functions in MBTI and Socionics are exactly the same. I wish to show that both IEI and EII have a lot of overlap with both INFJ and INFP.

Beta-IEI

INFPish traits of IEI

Poetic, offbeat, romantic, youthful, bubbly, rambunctious, positive, scattered, unstructured, novelty-seeking, flexible, head in the clouds, disorganized. Deeply committed to both ideologies and fun. Okay with dramatic emotional expression, chaos, and conflict, even instigating such situations. Able to weakly participate in noticing sensory details. Explorative and collaborative with ideas. Approaches socializing informally. Dislikes staying serious for long. Appreciates systems. Wants to become more decisive. Communicates via dialogue and interruption.

correlation with enneagram 4/9-core and 7-fix

correlation with pisces sun

INFJish traits of IEI

Mystical, harmonizing, openly emotional, group-minded. Looks to the future. Seeks truth and clarity. Wants to influence other people's moods positively. Desires for people to go along with the emotional atmosphere. Receptive to being pushed to live more in the present moment. Speaks in generalized terms ("that sucks" vs "I didn't like that"). Analyzes trends and predicts events. Uncaring about efficiency. Wants to become more adept at analyzing data. Receptive to being dominated and influenced by a strong, exciting personality (Se). Suffers psychosomatically when unaware of own feelings.

correlation with aries descendant (SeTi)

an INFJ IEI will seem “INFP-like”

IEI traits that can be either INF type

Esoteric. Leans toward relative morality and truth. Readily takes their place within hierarchy. See people as allies versus enemies (albeit less than Gammas). View self as a prize to be chased in romantic relationships. Prone to categorizing people. Gives up easily; prone to laziness; passive. Default state is energized (not for productivity!); relaxing is a process. Views life as a continuous sequence of events; interested in causes and effects. Deeply influenced by others' expectations. Enjoy making something good out of limiting and negative situations; view life as a struggle. Wants to become more influential and confrontational. Unaware and uncaring of bodily sensations. Loathes standard careers and "adulthood". Prefers group participation.

Delta-EII

INFPish traits of EII

Understated, trusting, positive, perspective-taking. Deeply invested in morality. Greatly values individualism. Receptive to being instructed in and pushed to be productive, practical, and efficient (Te). Childlike in romantic relationships and seeks a caretaker. Explorative and collaborative with ideas. Gives others the benefit of the doubt. Fear of missing out. Speaks in self-referential "I" statements. Disinterest in cold logic. Generates possibilities. Uncaring about coming off as grouchy.

correlation with capricorn descendant (TeSi)

an INFP EII will seem “INFJ-like”

INFJish traits of EII

Serious, responsible, peaceful, structured, rigid, organized, perfectionistic, grounded. Looks to the future. Wants to actively minimize conflict between people. Discusses emotions matter-of-factly. Keen awareness of their relationships with others. Actively establishes positive connections with people. Able to weakly participate in logical analysis. Needs help to act differently than planned. Gets stuck in the same habits. Approaches socializing formally. Imposes their way of doing things on others. Always up to talking seriously. Greatly admires those who are well-researched. Psychologically analytical. Communicates via monologue, patience, and finding closure.

correlation with enneagram 6/9-core and 2-fix

correlation with cancer sun

EII traits that can be either INF type

Strongly domestic, seeking comfort and stability. More concerned with personal relationships than the wider social atmosphere. Leans toward objective morality and truth. Resents heirarchy. Receptive to being instructed in and encouraged to gain sensory awareness and pleasure. Prone to categorizing people. Gives up easily; prone to laziness; passive. Default state is relaxed; energizing is a process. Views life as a series of episodic phases; interested in describing reality as it presents. Conflict-avoidant; deeply influenced by others' emotions and general stress. Sees others' inner potential and how they can reach it. Wish to become more competent occupationally and in self-sufficiency. Prefers one-on-one interaction.

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

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Quote me next @infjoe heh. Check out his blog for more INFJ snapshots!

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

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Enneagram Type Nine Fixes

AUTHORED BY ENTP MOD

9-2: Helps people in order to seek acceptance, promote peace and harmony. Will meet other people’s emotional needs in order to make sure of their own acceptance into the social order. Good mediator.

2-9: Self-erasing, kind, just an all out nice person. Receptive, helpful and caring. There is a sort of distant calmness which tamps down on the active, bustling caring nature of the 2. There can be a tug between the stubborn resistant nature that 9s are prone to show when they are put under pressure versus the 2 need to be compliant in order to people please.

9-3: Ambition is at odds with ambivalence pertaining to what they want. A more extroverted, focused and productive Nine. These Nines may take on projects and use the charisma of Three to fundraise and promote shared universal values of peace and harmony, conflict resolution. A more popularity seeking Nine who wants to be acknowledged publicly for their efforts.

3-9: Tweak themselves to adapt to others, mirroring an idealized self is possible because they seek acceptance. They shy away from conflict, and find it distasteful. A complete departure from self is possible the more they strive towards admiration and approval. Calms down the frenetic, glossy and shiny vibe of the Three.

9-4: Inner turmoil due to intense emotions that they do not allow themselves to express. Establish peace and calm in conflicted situations by honoring the individuality of each party involved. Calm, ambivalent and aesthetic. Weak sense of self. Struggle between self denial and self expression. Can be prone to slothful behavior induced by melancholy moods.

4-9: Withdrawn, compassionate, feeling invisible or insignificant, may feel comfortable in self erasure. Calmer, peace seeking Four. Not as melodramatic or intent on disrupting peace with intense emotional expression. Likely to veer towards Zen kind of art, minimalist designs and muted hues.

9-5: Cerebral and conceptual Nine. Self erasure and total detachment from feelings implies very poor awareness of emotional landscape. Knowledge gathering, peace seeker who strives to stay away from conflict. Nines focused on previous and accuracy. Observe from a distance and make intuitive conclusions that often turn out to be right can end up being too passive, ambivalent and cut-off from the rest of the world if not careful.

5-9: Withdrawn. They are comfortable making themselves invisible as they don’t wish to be overwhelmed with social/emotional commitments and attention. They are highly accommodating.

9-6: Nine focuses on harmony, but also Six is prodding others in low key ways to determine their trustworthiness. Six would emphasize the need for harmony with feeling safe. As much as Nines want to be accepted, Six will lend them an element of caution about who they mirror and seek belonging from. Nine’s calm, passive energy is affected by the heady, nervous energy Six carries. Likely to go into a state of inertia or total shut down because of the fear/ anxiety that fundamentally defines Six. When counterphobic, it may mean that underneath their calm persona, there is a simmering vortex of anger. More likely to be roused into action if the Six is counterphobic.

6-9: Frequent tracker of the people in their lives, because they fear abandonment and betrayal. They strive to be *normal* in order to gain acceptance. They can completely mirror the person or group whose acceptance they seek and want to belong to/with. Unsure and a more phobic Six. Sweet and can be endearing, a razor sharp mind is hidden beneath Nine like layers of humility and a mousy attitude. Kind of like Molly Hooper, from BBC’s Sherlock.

7-9: Lighthearted. Peace seeking and optimistic. Wholesome, there is a playfulness and innocence (depending on the wings) about them. Likely to relegate themselves to a land of idealized fantasy where everything is fine. Deny negative emotions in order to keep the peace. They have a very fluid concept of self identity. Under stress, can be reduced to a state of complete inertia and end up anxious, critical. 9-7: Animated, joyful Nines. They erase all strong emotions except positive emotions. Calm, creative folk. Natural ambivalence and passivity of the Nine is reduced by the Seven which is action oriented by nature. They would like to preserve their autonomy so they can live out their lives in peace. Likely to be homebodies who fantasize about exploring places, might not actually drag their butts out of their house to do so.

Note: When a Nine approach fails, if they move to their counterphobic Six fix, they may act like 9w8/ can end up having their wings or fix mistyped.

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

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sx-9

(Thank you for your message. I appreciated reading it, and wanted to quote you while concealing your identity for privacy. Hope you don’t mind.)

I’m the person who’s very passionate and intense in all of her relationships. Even back in primary school, I didn’t like it when my classmates sat in a huge circle at recess and ate and joked around. Not because it wasn’t fun .. it was. But what I truly wanted, even at that very young age, was to have a one on one ‘deep’ conversation with one classmate and get to know her and become her closest friend and have her be mine. A ‘us against the world’ kind of friendship. And when I say 'know her’, I mean literally everything about her.

Most girls saw me as weird and intimidating because of it. “why cant she just play hide and seek with us?”, “yesterday she asked me all these personal questions it was so odd!” .. lol. I didn’t understand them. why would they waste time with shallow interactions when they could build these strong, intimate, one of a kind friendships that last a lifetime? why aren’t they looking for their soulmates and as they describe it in Grey’s anatomy “their person”. It would take time, effort and vulnerability but it would be so worth it!

I thought I’d grow out of it when I grow up but damn I haven’t changed at all. I still treat all my friendships like they’re a passionate marriage, it’s so emotional and needy and messy and filled with jealousy and possessiveness.

I don’t love people, I fall in love with them.

I come off too strong to those who aren’t like me (most of the population, it seems). But when it’s someone similar, it’s so beautiful and special and I feel like I’m this endless energy of love and creativity and happiness.

I remember you making a post about your instinctual variant. You talked about friendship too and how you viewed it. I recall wishing I was the same because it was the complete opposite to me. I thought you were chill and cool :>

This is… very sx9. And I will clue you in in something.

I would LOVE to have the kind of deep, intense, raw emotional relationship you are talking about, but I don’t know how to make it happen. Being sx-blind, I try too hard to maintain friendships that are… just not working. That do not have a spark. I try and force intimacy by being more honest with them, in a desire to connect to someone and have them meet me in that place. But it feels like most people do not want an intimate friendship. They want superficial interactions. That is not and never will be enough for me, but it feels like I have no choice. I have a protective wall up that I want to let down, but I can’t unless I feel safe.

One time, my father told me, “What you are seeking is way beyond the depth of a platonic friendship. For some reason, you are treating every friendship like a romance, and they shouldn’t be a romance. Romance is about intense feelings and the sharing of your souls. If a romance is what you want, go out and get one! Stop trying to find it in platonic relationships!”

You, as an sx-dom, cannot help this. It’s your primary drive, to find someone who ignites you and creates a deep resonance in your soul. But… I can tell you that for sx-blinds… it does come across as quite strong. It can feel invasive and rather intimidating to have someone want you like that. I have had two different sx-doms (three, if you count one I went on a single date with) pursue me in my life and… it can be disconcerting to feel like they want you to rip open your deepest wounds and ooze them onto the table when you have only just met. As a 6w5, I want to open up to you but I need to trust you first. I need to know you are not going to betray me or expose my secrets. And I watch you, to see what kind of a person you are. If you push me, bully me, make me uncomfortable, I am never going to open up and be raw with you. Because I can’t trust you not to hurt me with that information. This is the frustration of an sx/so 9w8 in my life. She wants to crawl inside my skin and that’s the last place I want her to be, because her controlling wing 8 tactics make me uncomfortable. If I felt safe with her, I would easily open up to her. But I don’t. So I can’t. I won’t.

I had a close sx-friendship once in my life. We truly were kindred spirits. We could discuss anything. I was more open, honest and ‘raw’ with her than anyone before or since, but it has not happened a second time.

Maybe reserve the deep sx connections for your love partners and have lower expectations for your friends? And… hold back a little. Save some of the way more personal, probing questions for when you know each other better. Some of the sx-blinds out there are willing to open up to you in the way that you want, but they need time to get past their privacy (sp-first) or conventions (soc-first).

- ENFP Mod

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

Photo

INFP moodboard

Inspired by enneagrams:

9w1

9w8

Peace

Tranquility

Calm

Happiness

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lucia-typology · 3 years ago

Text

Reactivity Patterns or: What to watch for in order to avoid flying off the handle

Generally speaking, the reactive triad will have an immediate response to the original imput, the positive triad has a ‘layered’ response where they first try to resolve things agreeably but might respond more obviously if that fails, & with the competency triad the response modulated & situation dependent

Type 1

What sets them off:

unreliable ppl

bad manners

when things aren’t up to standards

immorality

being criticised

How they respond:

death glare / obvious non-verbal disapprovement

lecturing or criticising you

outright getting pissed off, if the offense is bad enough

conversely, if they inwardly judge themselves/ feel they shouldn’t be angry you, you might get a paradoxical reaction formation response where they get more polite & nice to compensate

or a lowkey irritability if its more of a 'disapproving but not worth getting angry over it’ situation

Type 2

What sets them off:

getting their feelings hurt

feeling unwelcome or unappreciated

anything remotely resembling rejection

How they respond:

The Silent Treatment*. Depending on the severity of the offence this can mean cutting the person off, going away for a bit or just not acting quite as friendly & energetic as normal/ not helping as much/ acting more subdued & less nice.

if the situation makes them feel insecure they might try even harder to please the person, of course suppressing anger in this manner can lead to a buildup of resentment, leading to an eventual outright angry outburst, which can be passionate cause it’s usually been a long time coming

guilt trips

“ok then I won’t help you with X anymore”

Type 3

What sets them off:

when others make them look bad or screw up their reputation or projects

one-sided criticism

when others create an obstacle to their goals

feeling like they failed at something

When they hoped to get praise & recognition & then didn’t get it

How they respond:

might inwardly feel impatient or anxious

usually don’t show irritation right away because their first response is to make up for it by working more so this can also build up over time

if confrontation occurs they’ll brag/ puff up their ehgo to make themselves feel better, deflect blame or justify their actions

if they get rly sad they might hit the line to 9 & lose motivation for a bit, though this isn’t something ppl typically get to see. They might just spend a weekend playing video games & then move on

Type 4

What sets them off:

not being listened to

not feeling heard

when others assume to totally get their situation

insensitivity or lack of passion in other people

being limited in their expression/ ability to put their own stamp on things

deadening routine

being judged

feeling abandoned

How they respond:

usually there is some sort of emotional display

though it might not always be super overt, they might just go to their room & sulk / retreat into the imagination

if they have the energy for it that day though they might cry and complain or lash out in harsh condemnation/ disgust

Type 5

What sets them off:

disappointment - usually when the other person didn’t conform to some unsaid expectation

real or perceived demands and/ or pushiness

others getting really in their face, maybe by venting & talking about their lives or trying to involve them

sometimes just being unexpectedly talked at

How they respond:

going quiet/ just not answering**

tamping down their responses - general level of animation goes down, word choice gets more formal

continuing the conversation over text or otherwise less direct means

checking out of the conversation & just maybe listening to a few bits here & there to still give a coherent answer if needed

avoiding you or making themselves tactically unavailable by looking busy/distracted. Plopping on headphones when a disliked person shows up etc.

if properly displeased they can actually keep grudges or nurse hurts a long time cause most other ppl would discharge it right away & thus get it out of their system

Here it was fascinating that in one of the sources the two panelists disagreed on how obvious the response is. One thought it’s actually pretty transparent since they don’t really filter themselves much or consider the presence of others, whereas the other lady thought it was pretty unobvious since it is more like a lack of response in her view, though she’s come to piece together than when her 5 friend gives no response to her talking about something she did this means they probably disapprove or didn’t like it

Type 6

What sets them off:

lack of transparency - when ppl are insincere or not telling them the full story

when their worries aren’t taken seriously / ppl don’t show appropiate concern***

when a scenario that they feared comes true

How they respond:

get nervous & ask questions

rebellion/ anger

fawn/placating response

the critical/rigid response - formal policing, critizising or threatening to call the authorities

disbelief ~ 'no point in explaining to these idiots’

snapping into action mode - paradoxically getting more calm & taking control

throwing multiple of these at the wall to see what sticks

Type 7

What sets them off:

negativity

restriction

taking their options away

boring routines

pain

How they respond:

speech & thinking speeds up, in extreme cases can be frantic

but usually the first line is a mental/rational response, being resourceful, looking for a solution or way out

first approach will be charme and negotiation or trying to see the positive, find the humor

humor can also be used aggressively, as irreverent mockery, rebellion

but if that fails they can just get angry. (& often get over it quickly, but others might not.)

Type 8

What sets them off:

when something seems unfair or wrong to them

anything under the umbrella of bullshit, like indirectness, intransparency

inaction

seeing someone look weak or not acting like the person themselves would

when something hurts their feelings (the individual might not consciously realize this is happening)

How they respond:

usually directly jump into action to resolve the issue - say or do something right away, take care of it themselves etc.

if they see themselves opposed, they will respond with at least as much intensity as the perceived or real opponent

might take control of the situation & push / strongarm others into going along with their solution

Type 9

What sets them off:

imposition, being bossed around

conflict or the anticipation thereof

being overlooked or unvalued

rudeness, ppl uneccesarily confrontational

How they respond:

appealing to manners & proper tone

stubbornness

passive-aggression

making some comment that’s like a subtle diss

listen to you complain but then just don’t do what you say

just zones out & nods noncommittally

forgetfulness & being scattered (not always as deliberate passive agression but just because they’re expending energy to not get mad)

* This might be behind the common scenario where a 2 may notice that some friend or relative is being quieter or more subdued than usual & they assume or worry that the person is mad at them, because for them that would be pissed off behavior. For a lot of introverts, acting a little more subdued might just mean they’re tired.

** UGH I do this all the time when I just decide not to say anything if the convo turns to something I don’t like or if I disagree. I didn’t realize this was a type-specific thing. It’s not always like silently judging the person but rather thinkin 'ok I disagree but this is not worth arguing about/ not important rn/ saying something would be unproductive’.

The one panelist who was a 2 IIRC, was like “Oh, what helpful info~” but honestly it horrified me a bit that ppl would pick up on that and conclude I must be miffed, it would defeat the point of deciding that it doesn’t make sense to get angry here. If I did decided that it was worth getting mad over you’d absolutely hear about it (though this might be different depending on a person’s gut fix. )

I sort of noticed the 'formal language’ thing recently as well when I was writing an email to someone, my first email was jokey & excited, & then the response wasn’t what I thought it would be and my next reply was all formal and understated.

*** My mom is a 7 so she would sometimes inadvertently hit this exact button with one of my sisters (6) by trying to give her pep talks, and then the sister would feel her problem isn’t taken seriously & do one of the response patterns - usually rigidity/criticism, rebellion, or just getting yet more panicky. That was sometimes a bit of a mismatch/ clash zone between the two

(So now I will hopefull stop researching human behavior & just go finish my darn novel or at least do the laundry…)

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