lucifers-dear-onee

[lucifers-dear-onee]

I want to kill myself . And I don’t mean that in a “oh no my coffee spilled” way . I think I finally mean it in a way that I will do it . I will kill myself . I don’t care who I leave behind . My wife has shown me she doesn’t care about me . I haven’t spoken to my sisters in months . My mom only makes me feel worse about myself . My father only asks for money . My dogs will live with their other mom when I pass . My coworkers will laugh , I mean they tell me to do it all the time . I think I just don’t want to live anymore . I’ve had a shitty experience this whole time why do I have to endure more ? I don’t want to . I’m genuinely okay with walking out of this movie early . I only wish I had done it earlier .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

Gunna start daily weigh-ins since I never posted my meals cuz I’m too embarrassed 🙃

June 20th

183.0 lbs

Cals eaten: 943

[lucifers-dear-onee]

I need some accountability cuz I did so well for MONTHS and now I’m gaining weight so I’m going to start posting every meal log .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

Losing weight you’ve already lost is the worst feeling .. now I have 10lbs to lose all over again when I could’ve been losing another 10 instead .. fml

[lucifers-dear-onee]

I’ve gotten to that point where I’m bruising so easily .. I kinda love it though . Is that weird ???

[lucifers-dear-onee]

please reblog if you have an ed blog. This clown thinks they can all terminate us. BLOCK THIS BITCH ASAP AND REPORT THEM

[lucifers-dear-onee]

How did I gain TWO POUNDS!!! WHAT THE FUUUUCK .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

sweet recipes i found on pinterest

[lucifers-dear-onee]

Fucked up my diet

I was doing the ABC diet and did REALLY FUCKING WELL .. until today 🤦🏻‍♀️ day 6. I read the wrong day and ate too many calories . I didn’t even binge but now I have to fucking start over !! I’m pissed to say the least .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

My favorite meal lately is a breakfast in Paris tea with miralax and my Ed version of a buttered everything bagel .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

23

feeling really old rn bc so many of the ppl here are teens (which i fully should have expected since that was me in the 2014 tumblr days) but are there any 4n4 accts in their 20s here?? i’m not trying to encourage this shit with the youths 👴🏼

[lucifers-dear-onee]

If I don’t start losing weight faster I’m going to … literally do nothing because my Ana won’t let me not strv 🙃

[lucifers-dear-onee]

I saw the damn scale

Well we got weighed at our hike for a fun little “office weight loss game” . I gained from eating normally for just FOUR DAYS . So I’m going to follow an absolutely terrible low cal diet (like no more than 300 calories + fasting days) for a week or so . I need to get back to my weight so I can continue to lose . I’m angry .. I feel even bigger than when I started .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

Day 3 of eating “normally”

I have a hike coming up so I’ve allowed myself to eat semi “normally” so I don’t pass out . Luckily it’s early tm morning so I should be able yo to just fast the whole day and get back into my normal routine on Wednesday . I had my husband hide the scale so I don’t feel like shit if the number goes up drastically . I still feel fat and like shit tho . Like I’m so extremely bloated and I feel like my double chin has gotten huge 🙃🙃

[lucifers-dear-onee]

Random Thoughts

I feel like there’s two types of Ana’s :

Those who eat high cal food in small portions .

Those who eat low cal foods in big portions .

I mean both are fine I just could never be the first one . That’s how I fail and end up binging .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

Breakfast with my husband 💕

Unfortunately this means almost a 300 calorie breakfast I can’t avoid .

[lucifers-dear-onee]

||° A fruity mealspø°||

Or a •|fruitspø|•