lucreziaq2001

[lucreziaq2001]

Momma Go.

Based on the following ask: @lucreziaq2001 Spencer and a female reader the same age as him are married and have a 1-year-old son, their first child, Isaac (I picked this name just because it sounds good with the last name Reid in my opinion). That day, Reader has her first day back at work. She stayed home for one year after Isaac's birth and now she'll only work part time. But she is naturally anxious to leave her baby for the first time. Spencer is off work that day and no matter how many times he reassures her, she is reluctant to leave. And at some point, Isaac gets "tired" and wants to spend time with his dad, whom he rarely sees compared to his mom, and shows his mom the door. And that makes Spencer, and his wife laugh. Thank you💜. I think it would be funny and cute, like I said. – I did modify this so the baby is more like 2 years old…I know someone wouldn’t really be on maternity leave that long, so I found a work around. Also, reader is a professor! 2 just fit my idea a little better. Enjoy!!! Spencer Reid x Wife! Reader Fluff Word count: 1135 REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!

Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, pet names, no use of y/n, Fem reader, reader has no physical description, reader and Spencer are married and have a son, child’s name is Isaac, anxiety, reader is a professor with tenure, let me know if I missed any!

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

Isaac Gideon Reid. Your two-year-old who you just weren’t ready to leave yet. You and Spencer had talked at length about your plans for when you had your child. You would take time off to spend a year or two with him before returning to work, Spencer would take a full parental leave to be there with you in the very beginning of Isaac’s life.

When you’d found out you were pregnant you were thrilled, you’d told Spencer immediately – forgoing any elaborate surprise announcements. Once you hit the 12-week mark, you sat and had more serious conversations of what you wanted life to look like for baby Isaac.

--

Just a year prior to the conception, you’d been offered a tenure position at the University you worked at. An honor and a gift. You hadn’t expected that to come in handy so soon. So, once you’d hit your second trimester, you scheduled a meeting with your supervisor to discuss a personal sabbatical.

“I’d like to go on sabbatical. I’d start it off with the standard maternity leave, but then ultimately would extend it.” You explained.

“I understand. How long were you thinking? I know this is your first child, so I can imagine you’d like to spend as much time as possible with them.” Your boss inquired.

“I was hoping for twenty months.” You said.

“Oh wow. So, with the maternity leave, you’d be gone for two years.”

“Precisely. I know it is a long time, and it is a lot to ask – especially since I only just got my tenure, but Spencer works so much, and I need this time with the baby. I don’t want them to be in daycare all the time away from their parents.” You justified.

“You were offered tenure because you are a valuable asset to this campus. You deserve it. So yes. I will approve the time. Just, please come back to us…you’re too good a teacher for us to lose you.”

“Thank you so much, and I will!” You smiled.

--

Spencer was eligible for 12 weeks paid parental leave, thanks to his time at the BAU. This allowed the two of you three months to develop a routine and relationship with baby Issac once he was born. Spencer did as much as he could, he woke up for the middle of the night changes and bottles, he read to Isaac, he played with him and encouraged tummy time. Your heart soared at his easy slip into fatherhood.

You knew Spencer had his concerns regarding schizophrenia, but he saw his psychiatrist regularly and kept up to date with evaluations to ensure that he wasn’t developing any of the symptoms. You’d always told him that his strength would make him an incredible father…and you could see him starting to believe you.

--

Spencer returned to work after his leave was up, but he asked that you set up cameras in the house, not only for security reasons, but also so you didn’t feel the need to film everything…it would be saved automatically. He hated that he missed milestones but was grateful for the flexibility your job provided.

He missed Isaac’s first steps, but he was there when he tried solid foods for the first time, and he thankfully caught his first words during a FaceTime call while he was in Michigan on a case.

Spencer had started spending every second he had off work at home with you and Isaac, desperate to make up for lost time. He started using his vacation days a bit more frequently to join you at doctor’s appointments, to celebrate mother’s and father’s days, to celebrate holidays and Isaac’s birthday. He started to understand why Derek left the BAU, his family meant everything to him, and he wouldn’t give that up for anything.

--

Two years had flown by, you didn’t know where the time had gone. Isaac had grown into his personality, he was such a happy baby, always giggling and cuddling either you or Spencer.

That is why it was so hard for you to go back to work, the time had finally come for you to return to teaching, only you didn’t feel ready. How were you supposed to pick up and leave him.

Thankfully, Spencer has a few mandatory days off so he’d be home to spend the day with Isaac, as opposed to going to daycare for the first time, but either way, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. You’d already showered and gotten ready for the day, meticulously packed your bag…checking it twice to ensure you weren’t forgetting anything. Spencer had even packed you a lunch and set it out for you.

“You ready to go sweetheart?” Spencer asked, wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“Ready as in physically, yes. Ready as in mentally or emotionally…no. I don’t think I can leave him Spence.” You’d whispered.

Isaac was currently sitting on the living room floor making all sorts of noises as he flung a toy dinosaur around. You made your way over, sitting behind him on the couch. You brushed your fingers through the little tufts of hair on his head.

“Hi baby. You ready to spend the day with daddy?” You cooed.

“Dada play!” Isaac called.

Spencer joined you both in the living room, joining Isaac on the floor and picking up one of the other dinosaurs.

“Sweetheart I know you’re nervous, but everything will be okay. I will be here, you have access to the cameras, and you can text or call between your classes.” Spencer attempted to ease your thoughts.

“I know, I just feel like it is too soon. He’s still so little.” You sniffled.

Isaac had gotten up and was waddling through the house. Things were well baby-proofed, so you weren’t concerned for his safety, mostly just curious of where he was going so you looked after him as he made his way past the kitchen.

Isaac looked back at you and Spencer, before turning around and continuing his trek. He only stopped once he reached the front door. Looking back at you.

“Momma go.”

“What baby?” You asked.

“Momma go. Dada play!” he repeated.

You looked back to where Spencer remained on the floor and couldn’t help the giggles that escaped you. The two of you fell into a fit of laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation. Here your two-year-old was confirming that you were being irrational and that everything would be just fine.

So, you stood, grabbed your things, kissed Spencer and Isaac both before making your way to work. You were sure to text between classes which were met with photos of Spence and Isaac doing all sorts of fun things.

Today wasn’t so bad after all…now sending him to daycare, that was something for another day.

[lucreziaq2001]

Source of the photo: Google Images.

This month is going to be important and close to my heart, but also very hard for me, I already know it, because it's not the first year in which October is this way for me. I've decided to acknowledge it here too because I'm sure not many people on Tumblr know that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I don't know how many people are going to see this post, but even just one person reblogging it would mean raising awareness and would be great to me. I'm not trying to diminish the importance of October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but remembering babies who passed away is just as important as helping breast cancer sufferers and remembering the people who have died from that disease. Both categories of people can be acknowledged and thought of without one diminishing the importance of the other. So if you are even just going to take some time to stop and read this post, thank you💜.

[lucreziaq2001]

•TV show: "Criminal minds".

•Content warnings: Mentions of a baby who died in his mother's womb around 37 weeks into the pregnancy, his mom going through the whole pregnancy without a partner or spouse by her side (by choice), her having to give birth to her son after having found out he had passed away, her having to leave him at the hospital and go back home, mentions of a baby's funeral, her feelings after the loss of her baby (grief, wanting to isolate from her friends and many others), her accepting to meet her friend's newborn baby, but entering into a delusion in which that child is her son, her baby watching over her from Heaven and praying she'll be okay one day and her finally letting out all her feelings with one of her two closest friends helping her.

•This One Shot is an AU in which JJ and Will's second baby didn't die and was born alive in mid 2011. I named her Margaret because Maggie, the name JJ said she would have given her in the show, is not a full name, it's more of a nickname and it is her nickname here too. Emily also didn't go through the "thing" with Ian Doyle and JJ didn't have to leave her team in this story.

•I know JJ and Will weren't married yet in 2011, but to make things easier for myself, I chose to refer to him as her husband, since that's what many people do in my country with live-in partners, mostly if they have kids together. I hope this doesn't bother you.

•I don't fully know how maternity leave works in the USA, especially for an FBI agent, so I made those details up. If you know more about this, feel free to correct me, though.

•I don't know if Emily was religious in "Criminal minds", but even not religious people say that their dead loved ones are in Heaven, so I used that word around the end of the story.

•Tags: @lex13cm, @golden1u5t, @arabellavernierwrites (who helped me write this a pretty long time ago), @asolitaryrose3, @oneshotnewbie, @whotfskai, @marril96, @babiebom.

Until they'd meet again

On July 5, 2011, her first day back at work after her five-weeks-long leave, when Emily Prentiss walked into the bullpen, the first thing she would have liked to do was scream as loud as she could.

Why?

Well, because not really knowing what to say to her, all her co-workers and friends just asked "Are you alright?".

What Emily would have wanted to say was "No, I'm not! Who the hell would be alright just one month after their baby's death?!?", but to avoid worrying her friends and most of all, knowing they wouldn't have been able to understand what she was going through, what she ended up telling them was just "Yes, I'm okay".

She knew they didn't believe her, also because she wasn't able to look them in the eye while saying that.

Most of them were FBI profilers, after all.

Analyzing human behavior was their job.

None of them pressured her to open up, though, and Emily was partly happy, partly annoyed by that.

Less than half an hour after she had arrived at the office, she was already convinced that the worst part of her day was going to be having to stay at work, around people who didn't know how to talk to her, but shot pity-filled looks at her every few minutes, while all she actually wanted to do was go back home, the only place were she would have been alone, lay in bed and just miss her baby boy.

Her beloved Isaac, whom she had gotten pregnant with thanks to a sperm donor, had died in her womb in late May of that year.

His mother had found out about that on May 28, exactly thirty-eight weeks into her -at least until then- healthy pregnancy.

Hearing her doctor say "I'm so sorry. There is no heartbeat" had been more devastating than anything she had ever been through to Emily, and finding out she still had to deliver her son was even harder.

After two days spent locked up in her apartment, mostly crying and staring mindlessly at the TV, in the late afternoon of May 30, Emily had gone to the hospital to give birth to her much loved and wanted little boy.

The next morning, at 10:40 am, Isaac William Prentiss had come into the world, lifeless, but still perfect in his mother's eyes.

For the next two days, Emily held him every second she could, trying to memorize every single one of his features, talking and singing to him and taking more pictures than she could have counted.

Then, the time had come to say goodbye, and leaving Isaac to the nurses while she went back home was one more heartbreak for her to deal with.

For almost five whole weeks, she stayed cooped up in her house, only going out on the day of Isaac's funeral and one evening because her friend Penelope had basically forced her to go out with her.

That night, Emily had just wanted to go home as soon as possible, but on her first day back at work, in spite of her still very present heartbreak, she craved nothing more than to have normalcy and a healthy routine again.

That was why, although it had only been a little over a month since her son had passed and she would have had the right to three more weeks of paid leave, she had insisted on returning to the bureau.

There, however, everyone was tip-toeing around her, going the extra mile to make sure everything within their job maintained some sense of balance.

The team was trying their hardest to provide stability to the grieving mother Emily now was.

The next day, however, their friend and co-worker JJ, who had given birth to her daughter Margaret just three weeks prior, had decided to come see them.

She hadn't brought the baby with her, but she knew she was going to have to bring her up at some point.

Everyone else on the team had already been to her house to meet little Margaret for the first time, and JJ was now nauseous at the idea of having to find a way to invite Emily's freshly broken heart.

"Emily" she said, tapping softly on the door to her friend's office "Can I talk to you real quick before I go back home?".

Hardly looking up from her papers, Emily nodded and just responded with "Of course".

JJ timidly entered the room, still unsure of how to say what she wanted to tell the older woman.

"I thought now would be a good time to talk to you about this. As you know, I just had a baby. If you refuse, I understand. I want you to do what's best for you now. Don’t feel pressured or think that you somehow have to spare my feelings in any way-" she started to explain, but Emily soon interrupted her.

"JJ" she told her "You can ask the question".

JJ swallowed intensely.

"Would you like to meet my daughter?" she then asked.

Even though she had given her friend permission to ask her that, when she heard those words, Emily felt like she had just been punched in the stomach.

She tried to hide the fact that that question had knocked the wind out of her, but even a brief mention of a baby was enough to send her back into the pit of despair she was actively trying to claw her way out of.

"I can’t wait" she still forced herself to say, giving JJ a half-fake smile.

She was genuinely happy for her, but also fighting a losing battle inside.

The idea of her friend's new baby stormed up inside Emily.

She remembered what it felt like to hold her little one for the first time, his soft skin, his tiny fingers and toes and his impossibly long eyelashes.

He was perfect, but no screams had come from him.

Unlike all the other babies there that day, he hadn't been born alive.

So much of Emily was happy that JJ was getting to experience becoming the mother of an alive baby for the second time.

One of the most precious things life could offer was in the palms of her friend's hands.

But still, heartache consumed her.

She was devastated that there was still so much life and beauty in the world, when she had just had to experience a death so earth-shattering.

The idea of meeting JJ's baby made Emily's heart race, but still, she agreed to do it, and a few hours later, there she was, sitting on JJ's couch, an evening full of homecooked meals and genuine conversation leading her up to that point.

"Here she is, Auntie Emily" JJ told her with a smile on her face, placing her baby girl into Emily's protective arms.

The older woman's first reaction to that was a chuckle of disbelief she just couldn't hold in.

Her mind twisted at the memory of her own sweet baby, the one that she had been grieving so violently over.

She wasn’t sure what it was, motherly hormones or just pure reality-distorting heartbreak, but she felt like she was holding her late son.

That thought poisoned her mind, the maternal instinct pumping through her veins, her heart intertwining with the one of the baby in her arms.

"She’s perfect" Emily whispered, overcome with emotion.

"She is, isn’t she?" JJ replied with a smile on her face, taking a seat in a chair across the room, keeping an affectionate eye on the two of them.

"You're just the sweetest thing, aren’t you?" Emily then cooed, completely enamored with the infant in her arms.

She felt like she was getting sucked deeper into the sickening hole of motherly grief.

She didn’t feel real anymore and to her, the baby she was holding wasn't JJ's daughter.

It was her son.

Her innocent child she should have protected from all things evil in the world.

Now she had a second chance, and anyone and anything that would have even tried to harm that baby would have died at her hands before being able to come near the child.

"You just need someone to keep your little heart safe, sweet boy" she cooed as she stroked the baby's big, round cheeks with love "You need your mommy to keep you safe".

By that point, JJ had become weary of her friend's behavior, since she had witnessed a shift behind her grieving eyes.

"Will, how about you go upstairs to see if Henry is sleeping?" she decided to tell her husband, mostly wishing to salvage the image of her co-worker, not wanting anyone else to have to witness what she pretty much knew was coming.

"I can protect you, my son" Emily then promised, still looking at the baby with so much love in her eyes "As your mommy, I swear I won’t let anything ever hurt you".

"I think it’s time she goes back to bed, Honey" JJ tried to tell her, wanting to get her baby back into the hands of someone with a more present mind.

"I can’t" Emily replied, her eyes filling up with tears "I can’t have my baby taken from me again".

"Don’t you want us to have our baby back?" Will, who had come back downstairs by that time attempted to ask her.

As a response, however, Emily shook her head.

"No, he is mine!" she then exclaimed "I have to protect my baby!".

"Come on, she needs some rest" JJ told her, gently rubbing her back.

Suddenly, Emily’s brain felt like it could have exploded.

It was so full of heartbreak, confusion and despair.

The thoughts that had been racing through her mind for weeks pounded on the walls of her skull, desperate for an escape from the pain that brewed in her mind.

She just wanted something she could hold on to, something that she could have a second chance at, something that would stay alive.

"No, I can’t" Emily told her, tears streaming down her face by that time.

All the sternness in her voice had disappeared and there was nothing in her tone except pure defeat.

That was when JJ knew she wasn’t just talking about the baby.

She was talking about everything she had experienced since the day she had found out Isaac had passed away.

Everything that had swept her off her feet in the tornado of losing a child.

She couldn’t do it any more.

She couldn’t live with that missing piece in her life.

She couldn’t plaster on a smile and show up to work like she hadn't just lost the person she loved the most.

JJ was careful, removing her baby from Emily’s arms and quickly giving her to her husband, who took her upstairs to give the two women a moment alone.

"I can't do this" Emily sobbed, her figure collapsing entirely against her friend.

Her body heaved violently as everything that had been building up was let go.

The excruciating experience of losing her baby boy had broken her.

Maybe one day there would have been a way out of all the pain she was experiencing, but at that moment, everything around her seemed dark and the only good things were JJ's arms around her and the fact that in a way, she still had her baby boy in her life.

He was watching her from Heaven, loving on his mommy and praying for her to be able to find peace and the strenght to wait until they were meant to meet again.

[lucreziaq2001]

Lanterns

WC: 5.4K // Masterlist

A/N: This was a request, but I’m choosing to leave them anonymous. Fight me.

Warnings: Haley’s death, Shooting, Death, Minor Character Death!, Pregnancy, INFANT LOSS, funerals, tiny casket, this is sad, with a twist of fluff. Chinese Lanterns, major mourning and grief. 

Being at the BAU came with a lot of good things, just as it came with it’s fair share of bad. But, in your life right now, you were living on a trail of good things. You met Aaron Hotchner at the BAU. He was your unit chief, however over time, you slowly became his best friend, his girlfriend, his fiance, and now you were his wife of a year.

Continua a leggere

[lucreziaq2001]

I Hope That You Burn

Pairing: Platonic Spencer Reid & Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: uh just cheating really

Genre: kinda fluff, mostly angst

Summary: What happens when you learn your husband has broken your vows

This story was requested by @lucreziaq2001

A/N: I didn't get a chance to properly edit this one be kind <3

***

Working for the BAU has been such a whirlwind to say the least. You joined the team pretty recently and it took you a little bit to get the hang of things but you'd say at this point you're definitely starting to find your place among the team.

"We're totally gonna miss you in the field on this one." Spencer says. You'd definitely consider yourself closest to him, always whispering to each other, chatting late into the night- he's like your best friend. It's nice to have someone close to out here as you aren't from the DMV tristate and only moved here because of your husband becoming a senator.

"Aw I know Spence but with Adam out of town at that summit for a month I'm just not comfortable leaving Bella with a nanny indefinitely like that." You tell him.

"I mean I totally wouldn't have minded watching Bella she's adorable." Penelope chooses that moment to walk passed the two of you. She ranks second closest you think. She reminds you of your friends from college, colorful and bold and unapologetically herself.

"It's not your job to watch my kid Pen, plus she'll only be this small for so long and with this job we're away a lot so I wanna take advantage of this and spend time with her." You shrug.

"That's so cute." Penelope says.

"You're a great mom. This case won't be the same without you though." Spencer says.

"Spencer I'm still on the case. I'll just be running point from home base this time. Like Garcia. You guys can and probably will call me as necessary." You say.

"What're we talking about over here?" Derek joins the small group at your desk. You and Derek get along great, although that's because he and Spencer are like brothers. You find yourself in the middle of their spats like this all the time.

"Just Bella and the fact that I'm staying back to take care of her." You tell him.

"Ah yes- the joys of motherhood you say. Can't believe you're staying behind." He shakes his head.

"If someone is ever gracious enough to deign you worthy of fathering their children, by some miracle, I'm sure you'll understand." You hum.

"Ouch! Need some ice for that Morgan?" Spencer hisses dramatically.

"You'll need ice in a minute Reid." Derek steps forward as if to threaten him, albeit playfully, but Spencer runs behind your chair, turning you to block Derek from getting to him.

"Hey! Just because I'm not going doesn't mean I'm not watching Morgan. You behave, both of you. Don't y'all stress Hotch out because I'm home." You warn.

"Hiding behind Mommy are you, Spence?" Derek taunts.

"I am not hiding!" Spencer huffs.

"Mommy?" You scoff.

"Reid, Morgan, wheels up." Hotch comes out of his office and the boys head off to grab their things. "You're sure about staying y/n?" Hotch asks you.

"Absolutely. I can't leave Bella. If it were Jack would you leave him with a nanny you didn't have time to properly vet, especially given the job we do? Not even factoring my husband's job into things."

"Could never." He says.

"There ya go." You say.

"Alright, well keep your phone on. We might need you."

"Of course. Consider me a hotline." You wink.

"Good." Aaron nods and turns away.

"I'm being hyperbolic! Don't like- call me at 3am or something with case updates!" You call after him.

"That's more Reid's thing don't ya think?" He spins to ask you.

"True. Safe flight! Someone let me know when you land!" You wave him off as you're sure the rest of the team is waiting for him at this point. You turn your attention back to the paperwork you were doing before. Penelope is still at your desk though and after a few moments of waiting for her to say something you chuckle to yourself.

"Did you want to talk about something Pen?" You ask her, eyes still glued to the document in front of you.

"What's it like to basically be Wonder Woman?" She asks.

"What?" You blink at her.

"You've been here a few months and you're already amazing, everyone loves you, you have the perfect daughter and a husband who couldn't be more obsessed with you I mean I would kill to have a life like yours."

"Well- my daughter is 2 that's not- never mind. I'm- flattered you feel that way Pen really but I'm not doing much of anything different. I work hard just like the rest of you. Trust me balancing a full-time job and raising a toddler is no easy feat plus being married to a politician is certainly not a walk in the park." You scoff.

"You make it all seem so simple."

"Well if I came in here screaming every morning one of them would surely have me committed and we can't have that." You wink at her.

"True. But I mean you're like always killing it."

"I try my best Pen, thank you. I worry sometimes- with Bella, ya know." You shrug.

"Why? You're a great mom." She shrugs.

"I like to hope so but the thing with kids is- well it's kinda like coding a neverending program that you aren't the only person adding code to and you have no idea what each new line of code will actually do regardless of your intentions." You tell her.

"Woah- I see. Well from over here I'd say you're a coding wiz." She winks.

"Thanks Garcia. I wanna finish this up before the team lands in case they need me so-"

"No problem, I have some things Hotch definitely expects me to do that I forgot about til the last minute anyway." She smiles. You chuckle and tell her bye and then she's gone, leaving you to your paperwork. Your least favorite part of the job. By the time the team lands somewhere on the west coast, it's about time for you to leave the office but Spencer is sure to let you know they've made it safely and promises to update you in the morning unless something urgent happens in the next 4 hours. You pick your daughter up from daycare and head home to wind down for the day.

"Alright Bella baby, let's get you fed and then bathed." You hum pulling her out of her car seat.

"Din din?" She blinks at you from in your arms as you shift to unlock the door.

"That's right my love din din. It's time for dinner." You kiss her head. You set Bella up in her high chair with some coloring pages to keep her busy while you get dinner going. Tonight you've got fish on the menu with steamed broccoli and some grapes you cut in half. It takes about 20 minutes but soon she's got food in front of her that she's getting down without much issue. Bella isn't the pickiest eater luckily and you've learned what flavors she does best with right now, of course that could change but that's something you'll test years down the line. For now, whatever keeps her fed is what you'll give her. When she's finished you bathe her and read her a bedtime story before tucking her in for the night. A couple hours after, you've showered and eaten and are climbing into bed yourself when your phone rings. You check the ID and pick it up.

"Hey Spence, how's it going over there?" You ask. He lets out a frustrated breath that makes you chuckle a little. "So not great?"

"I'm frustrated because these cops are incompetent but-"

"We always have to make sure we maintain a friendly relationship with local police." You finish the thought for him.

"Which is incredibly difficult when the Backyardigans would be more helpful than these guys."

"I think you're spending too much time with Bella. The Backyardigans?" You laugh knowing full well he only knows about the show because your two-year-old loves it.

"To be fair it's a good kids show." He says.

"I know that Spence but to say a group of animal children are more helpful than the local law enforcement is hilarious."

"You're only laughing because you don't have to deal with them. I am in no way exaggerating y/n."

"Oh I know. You don't really do that." You smile.

"Anyway, on more pleasant subjects, how is Bella? Easy night?" Spencer asks.

"Pretty easy yeah. Adam called to say goodnight to her."

"Did he? That's good. I know how much she hates when one of you has to be away." He hums hoping you can't tell over the phone how his mood soured slightly at the mention of your husband. As far as Spencer could tell Adam was a fine husband, on the rare occasion he was around and came to visit you at work he was always singing your praises. His only problem with Adam, which he would never admit, is that he's your husband because knowing you're married didn't stop Spencer from developing a crush on you. One he works very hard to hide from you and the rest of the team. He cares too much about you as a friend and as a colleague to ever risk that.

"Yeah, he missed the last couple of nights so it's lucky he called this time or I think Bells might've held it against him til the end of his trip in two weeks." You chuckle.

"Sounds like her." Spencer laughs along with you.

"Anything else happen so far? Anything I should know?"

"Nothing that can't wait until morning. Hotch will call you. I'm sick of talking about work." Spencer says.

"Okay well, we'll talk about something else then." You tell him with a giggle. You stay on the phone for another hour or two before Spencer lets you go for the night.

It takes the team over a week to return from that case. It was a rough one, even with you and Penelope helping as much as possible from the office but eventually, you solve it and the others make their way back home. By the time they land, it's already pretty late and you've left to get Bella so you'll simply see everybody in the morning. 

Night routines are done and dusted rather efficiently and you find yourself in Adam's home office after Bella's in bed. Well technically it's just the home office and not Adam's but he uses it way more than you do, you only really come in here to print things. Still, you keep a lot of extra supplies in here, and right now you're looking for an eraser because you can't find one big enough to erase the scribbles Bella has done in one of her books. You sift through the drawers on the desk and pause with a frown when you realize one is locked. Why would your husband lock a drawer of this desk? I mean- you're in the FBI you have higher security clearance than he would as a senator, what could he possibly need to lock up? You don't like invading his privacy but there's a terrible nagging feeling that tells you to open the drawer so- with a bit of careful picking you manage to get the lock open and find the drawer full of- letters. Letters between your husband and his secretary. Handwritten letters. You pull out the top few and scan the words on those pages, your heartbeat thundering louder with each line, each paragraph, each page. You read each letter with excruciating care, it takes you hours to get through them all, and by the time you're done, the sun has already started to light the night sky. You put all but 3 of the letters back into the desk and close the drawer but don't bother to lock it before forcing yourself up on your feet. You should kill him. Adam. You should hop on the next flight to that stupid summit and kill him in his hotel room. The hotel room he's probably sharing with his desperate secretary. You know the fault is his though you see red remembering all the times that woman smiled in your face while screwing your husband who knows how often. She probably thinks you're a fool, that you're so easy to trick and lie to. You slam the door to that office so hard thinking about it that the door rattles on its hinges. You're too angry to sleep- you need to decide how to make him pay for this. Stewing in your thirst for revenge, you hardly realize how much time has passed you until Bella comes toddling into your room.

"Mama." She waddles over to you and you struggle to flip the switch but you do it. You have to. Your baby. You have to do what's best for her. You always have to do what's best for her. Maybe nailing your husband to a cross is too reckless.

"Good morning my darling girl!" You coo happily picking Bella up.

"Mornin!" She beams back at you.

"Ready to get started with your day huh? Let's get you dressed for daycare!" You say kissing her cheek. You get her ready for the day, then yourself, feed her breakfast and drop her off at daycare all keeping it much more together than you feel. It's almost more frustrating to know you can't in good conscience take him down as he deserves because your daughter doesn't deserve that kind of exposure by association and when you leave him, you want it to be simple for her, or as simple as you can make it. You have a week to figure out your game plan before Adam returns and you plan to make the absolute most of that time. By the time you're walking into the office, you've already looked up several reputable divorce lawyers and plan to call them each during your lunch.

"Good mor- y/n, what's wrong?" Spencer frowns when he intercepts you before you reach your desk.

"I- I really don't wanna talk about it Spence." You say shakily. You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes and if you start crying now you don't think you'll be able to stop all day. Spencer seems to recognize the unshed tears too, if the shocked look on his face tells you anything. He wraps his arms around you tightly.

"If you decide you wanna talk about it, please come find me." He whispers before he lets go of you. You nod and make your way to your desk. Spencer spends the whole day watching you work. I mean he does his work too, or tries to, but he's so worried about you he can hardly focus. Before the end of the day, you've called all the lawyers you found and scheduled a meeting with one. You'll be seeing her tomorrow. When you're packing up for the day and preparing to head home Spencer walks over to you. "I know you didn't want to talk about it this morning, but since the work day is over I thought maybe you could tell me what's going on with you now?"

"Adam's cheating on me." You say flatly as you enter the elevator with Spencer.

"Wait what?"

"Has been for months. With his secretary. I found out last night."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I spent all night reading their correspondences." You mutter.

"Y/n I am so sorry." Spencer breathes out.

"It's fine. I'm meeting with a divorce attorney tomorrow."

"So soon?"

"I have to be ready when he returns. On Sunday. I want all my ducks in a row so I'm not there when he gets back." You say.

"Where are you going to go?" Spencer asks.

"I don't know yet. But it won't be that house."

"You and Bells can stay at mine if you need." He offers.

"Thank you. I'll let you know if I'm gonna take you up on the offer. Right now I'm focusing on getting divorce papers drawn up." You mutter exiting the elevator as soon as the door opens.

"Y/n hang on-" Spencer grabs your arm gently.

"I have to pick up Bella." You say.

"You have to process this."

"NO. Not right now. Right now I have to protect my baby. Bella needs me and she needs me whole."

"Y/n you're not just Bella's mom. You're a woman whose trust has been betrayed and you're allowed to feel that."

"Spencer I am all that she has here. I can't fall apart there's no one- we don't have- if I fall apart there's no one looking out for her."

"Don't do that. The whole team is here for you both. I am here for you both. If you feel yourself falling apart find us, find me. I'll put you back together again." He tells you.

"Thank you, Spence. I have to get Bella." You make your way to your car and pick up your daughter. Six days. You have six days to get everything in order because god forbid you have to be here when he returns from his summit. It's practically robotic as you make dinner, feed Bella, and get her ready for bed. You don't even realize you're climbing into bed until you're shutting the lamp off beside you. The day was not easy but you made it through, and you'll continue to do so until you sort through as much as you can before Sunday.

You spend the entire week meeting, exchanging emails, and talking on the phone with your divorce attorney, and by Saturday papers are completely drawn up. You take Sunday to pack up as much of your and Bella's things as you can because you decided earlier in the week you would take Spencer up on his offer, at least until you found a new place for you and Bella or Adam moved out to find his own place, that choice would be his. If he wanted the house you were not attached.

"Alright Bella my love, we're going to have a sleepover at Spencer's house for a little while, sound fun?" You say to Bella as you give her a bath after dinner.

"Spency?" She smiles.

"That's right baby. Spency." You smile back. Once she's in her pajamas, you get her in the car and make the 20-minute drive to Spencer's place with your mind mostly on the clock.

"Hey. You made it." Spencer says when he opens the door.

"Yeah, I wanted to get Bella ready for bed so she could crash. I still have a few things to take care of before Adam returns but I didn't want her too off schedule." You explain.

"Do those things have to be done tonight?"

"Adam's taken a redeye flight, he always does. He'll be back before morning yes it has to be done tonight." You say.

"Alright, do you want me to put Bells to bed so you can get whatever it is done quickly?" He asks.

"Would you mind?"

"Of course not. I've done it before."

"Thank you Spence. I'll be back in like- an hour." You pass Bella, half asleep into Spencer's arms and give her a kiss before returning right back to your house. You have one last thing to do before you can consider this phase of your plans complete. You pull open that drawer in the office where you left those letters and toss them into the office bin. You strike a match and take a deep breath before tossing it into the collection of papers.

You saved three. Those you need for divorce things but when the time comes you'll burn them too. The rest you watch be engulfed in the fire now. Not to save him, no, you hope he will receive every wicked thing he deserves, but to save Bella. You've seen this before. Politicians in scandals are never isolated. It affects everyone around them and you won't have that happen to your dear Bella. She should not be any more harmed by her father's sins than absolutely necessary.

***

[lucreziaq2001]

I don't know how many times we have to say this before people start to listen

You do not get to kill someone just because you think their life isn't worth living

[lucreziaq2001]

Chasing Rainbows

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Description: Whenever Spencer and his wife face the unimaginable, they grow apart and their marriage takes a nosedive. It isn’t until a few weeks go by that something remarkable brings them together again.

Content Warning: Infant death due to SIDS, different grieving processes, Spencer works like 24/7 and does everything to avoid his wife, reader can’t bare to look at Spencer, there are talks of faith, reader believes in signs from the universe, Spencer and reader do their best to come together again and mend what was broken.

Word Count: 1.8K

Masterlist

A beautiful friend @lucreziaq2001 requested this via DMs and I had to write it for them. Please pay attention to the warnings because this will be very heavy on angst with fluff towards the end. 🫶🏻

Three weeks, two days, seven hours, eleven minutes and forty-five seconds. 

That was how long it had been since Noah died. A once happy and smiley nine month old little boy taken from his parents from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. 

It was nothing new that the word was unfair and unforgiving, taking away innocent children from the arms of their parents in a number of different ways. Spencer had seen it before given his line of work.

Whether it be a person who kidnaps children to do unspeakable things, parents or siblings who snap at the people who couldn’t fight back, or the cruelest thing of all; nature. 

There wasn’t a day in his life where he thought that he would be in the position of so many parents that he had to comfort before. He couldn’t seek closure, instead having to bear with the weight of the world weighing heavy on his chest. 

It didn’t help that his wife, Y/N, was nothing but a hollow husk of who she used to be. There was no smile on her face anymore, she didn’t sleep in their shared bed, she couldn’t eat or much less face Spencer. She was quiet, voice barely above a whisper when she did speak, that was rare.

Grief was different for every party involved. While she was quiet and resorted to shutting down, Spencer was pouring himself into his job. He stayed as late as he possibly could at the office, sometimes just needing to pour himself into an old case that he’d work on in his own time. Emily tried her best to send him home, telling him that he needed his wife, that they needed to comfort one another. 

His argument was always the same, that he would deal with his grief on his own time, truly tired of being told that he needed to be there for Y/N when she wasn’t even there for him. She barely spoke to him, didn’t look at him, she was never present in conversations. 

She shut down on him and he was shutting her out. 

Today was no different than all the others, they woke up and exited their now separate bedrooms. They shared a silent breakfast, Y/N offering a hushed ‘goodbye’ as her now estranged husband was leaving their once warm, comfortable home.

When he left for the day, that was when she was escaping the home that was filled with too many painful memories, nor could she stomach the fact that she wasn’t supposed to be there by herself. 

Noah should’ve been there, making a mess with his breakfast all while being the smiley and baby he was. 

There was silence while she was getting dressed for the day, grabbing her keys and purse before exiting the home. She made sure to lock up, taking in a soft breath. It rained the night before, so the smell of the damp soil filled her nose. Her husband told her years ago that it was called Petrichor, when she told him that the smell comforted her.. 

“Petrichor is the more earthy smell after rain. Did you know that a main component of it is an organic compound called geosmin, which lingers around moist soil. Geosmin comes from the ancient Greek “geo”, meaning earth, and “osme”, meaning smell.” 

It rained the day that Noah died, she could vividly remember hearing the thunder boom outside as she was sitting and talking to the doctor as she described why their little boy wasn’t breathing. 

Rain wasn’t comforting anymore, instead a dark reminder of the worst night of her life.

With her sneakers making splashes out of puddles as she was walking out of her home and up the sidewalk, her eyes were glancing up at the sky. 

It was gloomy, clouds hovering over their town which meant more rain was in store at some point. It was fitting, the bleakness that clouded her life was being transported to the weather. 

As she began her walk around the neighborhood, she was keeping her gaze down. Their neighbors looked at Spencer and Y/N with pity, making sure to stop them and express their condolences or that they were praying for their broken family. 

The thoughts of prayer healing her was insulting. She’d begun to think that if there was a greater deity or higher power out there, she wouldn’t be feeling this pain in the first place. 

They say things happen for a reason and that they make people stronger, however this situation had no positive ending. Instead of being happy with a perfect family, they were all torn apart from one event that ruined both parents forever. 

However, she tried to maintain some form of faith. 

“If things are going to be okay, please just.. Send me a sign.” Y/N had to choke the words out through tears that were already filling her eyes. “Show me that he’s at least.. Okay up there. Is that too much to ask?” 

She knew there was a strong chance that she was speaking to nothing, the words getting lost in the autumn air. Spencer would probably tell her that nobody could hear her, that signs like that just weren’t physically possible. 

At one point, she would’ve told him that he was wrong, that the universe spoke to them in more ways than he realized. Now though, she had half a mind to believe it.

“This is stupid.” She spoke softly to herself, using the back of her hand to swipe away her tears before lifting her head. However she could feel her heart twist at the sight she hadn’t been paying attention to.

There was a beautiful rainbow, settled over the houses that weren’t too far ahead. That made a small smile appear on her face, the tears flooding more.

This was a sign, she was sure of it. This was her comfort, the thing that would keep her belief in a world beyond theirs, one where they’d be reunited at some point. There was going to be a day where she did see her little rainbow again. 

The rest of the walk down the sidewalk was filled with silent thoughts of what was going on around her. Noah was okay. Y/N and Spencer, however, were far from it. They’d been neglecting one another in every way possible. 

Spencer was having his own thoughts of their current life together, currently doing a case in Arlington, Virginia. It was a case that hit close to home, a mother and a father losing their only child. They were under very different circumstances but they felt the same heartbreak, the same pain. The difference was, they were by each other's sides. 

There was no pain from behind the father’s eyes because he refused to discuss what was happening to them, the mother wasn’t broken to the point where she couldn’t speak. They held each other, grounded one another. 

That was the importance of talking these things out. They were bonded together, both able to keep their heads up because they were connected. 

That case opened up his mind to what they were doing. Him and Y/N lost one another when they should’ve been connected from the beginning. They didn’t grieve together, instead separately. They didn’t feel grounded, instead like they drifted away in a storm.

Spencer knew what they needed to do and he was going to do what he could to bring them back to one another. Even if it took days, weeks, months, even years.

They weren’t alone.

Six weeks, five days, two hours and ten seconds. 

That was how long it had been with Spencer doing everything he possibly could. He didn’t stay at the office late anymore, instead bringing home Y/N’s favorite flowers to surprise her, getting her small gifts from when he had to leave the state, even buying them dinner on Fridays from their favorite Chinese takeout place.

The smile on Y/N’s face was slowly coming back, she could look Spencer in the eye now and hold a conversation. They were moving slowly, adjusting to this new life they were navigating together.

They were currently sitting at the dining room table, the two eating dinner in a more content silence rather than the tense one they faced before. “I saw another rainbow today.” The soft tone of Spencer’s voice had Y/N slowly peeking up from the noodles in her takeout box. 

“Really?” She asked, sitting up a little straighter. “The card you got me with my roses had a rainbow on it too.” She spoke softly, offering a smile. Spencer let his eyebrows raise. “Did it? I didn’t see that when I picked it out. Maybe it’s a sign.” 

Of course Spencer realized it, however, the idea of rainbows being a sign from Noah was slowly growing on him, even if the more logical side of him knew that it wasn’t possible. 

“Yeah.” Y/N’s words were a little louder than the barely audible version that her husband was faced with for weeks. 

“I think he’s proud of us, you know. We’ve been doing really good. I walked further down the street today and I passed by his favorite spot, the one with all the flowers. It felt like he was there, Spencer.”

There was a smile on the man’s face. Even if his brain was trying to argue the scientific reasoning that it was just her brain trying to comfort her, he was fighting those thoughts. It was an inner conflict, his logic and his emotions having a full on war. 

“Because he was there.” The words were genuine, there was no sarcasm or any added thoughts of the theories that it could’ve been.

Dinner had been finished and cleaned up not too long after, the parents standing side by side in the kitchen while they were either wiping down the counter or putting their leftovers in the fridge.

“I’ve missed this.” Spencer said, his gaze falling on his wife as she turned around. “Me too. I’ve missed us.” She admitted, only walking into the open arms of her husband, her forehead against his shoulder. That was when the tears were falling from her eyes, leaving her to a sobbing mess.

That hug was what she needed, Spencer was what she needed. 

Spencer was relishing in the embrace, choked sobs leaving his lips as he felt the relief of the world wash over him. 

Tragedy had the power to ruin lives if someone let it and neither one of them could believe that they almost let it ruin them too. 

“I love you.” The two spoke in sync, tears washing over the significant others as if it was a cleansing rain. 

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than look down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.”  – G. K. Chesterton