lucysrain

[lucysrain]

Thanks for the ego boost Mexico. lol

It’s been a while since I feel this great about myself. All it took was a phone call to remind me what I’m made of and who I’ve always been. I’m not sure why I forgot, but wow. I’m feeling me again🩷

I’m not mad at you, I’m very grateful actually.

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New selfie because today I felt like myself.

Back in Mexico and I’m feeling happy, pretty, and confident.

Allergies are bad though, so bad. My eyes hurt.

But life is good🩷

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My tan is disappearing and I’m finally loving my hair color lol.

I’m happy lately 🩷

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This will be my selfie journal because I’m practicing self love to remind myself who I am and what I deserve.

-500 songs and I don’t know what to do with them.

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I’m taking a photo now every day I feel pretty.

I went out today and had a great time. Felt just like the old days🤎

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I’ve learned too much this month.

I don’t have to be depressed if I don’t want to. It just takes a little time to notice I’m not doing well.

Some silent signs were:

-My nose was cold.

-I stopped taking photos of myself.

-I stopped doing activities I enjoy like drawing, painting, writing songs, cooking, or writing in this journal.

-I was seeing blurry.

-I couldn’t keep a conversation if I was uncomfortable.

-Everything felt tragic, and was simply not happy.

-I felt a big hole in my chest all the time.

-I stopped working out and even won weight.

Im healing this time, differently than before. I’m Im understanding things I never did before and I’m letting go of so much, even present things that would be obvious that matter, they don’t.

Somehow I feel free. I realized I don’t have to care about anything other than taking care of myself, the rest comes second.

This time I’m prioritizing my happiness. If it brings less joy than pain, it is not worth it and I don’t have to sacrifice my well being for anything or anyone. I’ve given too much of myself to others and I’m done. This time I’m leaving at the first disappointment, no more.

A new era is coming…🩷

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Like the skies we used to see. Remember?

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Is this how much I love you or is this how lonely I am?

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Needles in my heart

Like needles in my heart

The pain is sudden, but it’s clear

And I won’t change my mind

Even if I can feel the fear

I know it’s not a stab

But it is emptying me like it

I thought I would be thriving

I thought I found my place

I guess there’s no such thing

Coming from emptiness

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Lovely lovely lovely.

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Vancouver pt 2

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Vancouver pt 1

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Victoria, British Columbia.

I had a great time surrounded by the beautiful autumn nature and haunted places everywhere and ghosts and demons. Lol. Scary as heck, but beautiful.

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Whistler, 2022.

A lot of playing in the snow like we were half our age, a lot of cookies and mountains and the best of views.

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My 2022.

[lucysrain]

Dear 2022:

Oh boy, you were awful to me, but we're ending the year the best way it could be.

I started this year being sure I would move to NY in August and my world crashed to pieces in March when I found out things were not happening as I planned my whole life.

This year however was full of new things and new people and it was somehow interesting.

Dani and I went to our first fashion show as Our Fashion Garden to Joshua Tree in the middle of nowhere, close o Coachella. We traveled around Los Angeles, Santa Monica, and Ontario. I will cherish that trip forever, because we made some unforgettable memories.

New York broke my heart this year and everytime I'm heartbroken I travel, so I also visited my sister in Arizona and we traveled together to Chicago. It was very cold, but very fun.

I had covid two times because I traveled a lot, but I have no regrets.

An old friend of mine passed away and it was one of the hardest things to face this year. It felt like a real nightmare where I wished I could just wake up. I never wished more for anything to be a dream.

My heart was very broken this year as well. Not going to talk about it, but I discovered I should not date men who are 8 years older than me, that can't be good. And you should heal before you date a new person.

By November I was sure this was one of the worst years of my life. With a terrible boss, a broken heart, a friend in a graveyard, no New York at all, not even close, almost broke still needing my parents, crying at therapy, and my best friend starting to get depressed. Nothing was going right, every aspect of my life was breaking down.

God knows I've had it way worse than that, so it wasn't the end of me. I traveled to British Columbia with my family and it was lovely, but I was still in pain.

The year couldn't end that way, because we worked hard. I also dedicated a big part of it to follow my dreams and we finally finished writing our musical, we had readings with different people and all of them loved it. We applied to different theaters and agencies in NYC, and we were rejected a lot in October and November, until we weren't.

Things changed when we talked to Regina who believed in our musical and they literally told us we're ready for Broadway. This is the best thing that happened this 2022. Us being ready of Broadway, I mean, WHAT?!?! THAT'S MY BIGGEST DREAM IN LIFE, SHUT UP.

Suddenly, I'm relevant and my dad is proud of me for the first time. Suddenly I'm moving to New York next September to put a workshop of my musical and start climbing my way to Broadway. Suddenly I wake up every day with a smile and every thing that hurt this year healed. Suddenly I understand why I lost so much this 2022, because I had to let go of what would stop me to get there. Suddenly everything makes sense, why we didn't move to NY this year, why I had my heart broken. Suddenly I have a reason to fight, live, love, and exist.

I had the best birthday present when Regina told us we've got this. I couldn't believe it at first, I mean, I still can't believe it. This year wasn't the worst after all. Again, life teaching me to stay strong when things aren't going right because the sun will rise again.

I'm closing this year with a couple of new friends, a dream that now I know is possible, hope and an open mind that love comes around again. I've got this and I'm beyond excited to live my life. I had never been so lucky, so supported, and so loved. I'm genuinely the happiest I've even been!!!💜

2023, you'll be the biggest. Let's bring this musical to life!!!!!

Pd: I chose this picture because I'm not smiling a lot, like it was this year, but there's beauty all around me and that's life. I was not happy but I just had to turn around and see it, happiness is there.

Song of the year: You're On Your Own, Kid by Taylor Swift

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X

April, 2022. Ontario & Joshua Tree.

More adventures with my mom and Dani. Lots of road trips and me being mesmerized by wind turbines. Also, I was on TV!☺️