luis-serra-kennedy

[luis-serra-kennedy]

uhh wip I guess. this is a 1998 Raccoon City AU that has absolutely nothing to do with any rockstar!Luis AU, but I don't really want to post it on main either. some of it is kinda rough, I'll flesh it out more eventually, probably when I finally do my back to back RE2 and RE2R playthroughs and figure out where this plot is going, beyond the homeless loser Leon and rich Luis contrast

Leon knew that not every day as a cop would have him out in the streets, catching bad guys and saving lives, being a hero. But he thought he'd at least be doing more things directly related to police duties. At this point he'd welcome doing paperwork at the station, because that would at least make him feel like he's finally reached his dream, being a police officer.

Instead he just feels like an errand boy for the Umbrella Corporation. He's not even doing small errands for the taxpayers, just for some stupid corporation that could surely afford to hire their own people to do the stuff Leon does. The first couple times, he was hoping it would only be a short-term thing, and Chief Irons would eventually start telling them he couldn't keep giving up his own staff for them. But that never happens. Every damn day Leon shows up at the station and immediately gets rushed out by Irons, telling him some high profile Umbrella researcher is in town and needs a police escort somewhere, or the NEST lab's getting something delivered and someone has to escort the truck, just day after day of stupid errands for a stupid company.

Today he's serving as a security guard for an Umbrella party. Just standing by a wall, looking at a bunch of rich people. He didn't even get to take a police cruiser out, he was just told to wear his uniform but drive his personal vehicle. He finally gets a little excitement. A tipsy, tan man strides over. Glasses and long hair, handsome.

“What are you doing here?” The man asks, leaning a hand on the wall.

“What-? I'm here because I'm security? Who are you?”

“Luis Serra. I haven't been in the country long, but I have been working for Umbrella for a good while, never seen cops like you around at any parties. Usually just have some of our own Umbrella soldiers as security,” Umbrella has soldiers? They're a pharmaceutical company. But this guy is definitely drunk, apparently from another country, so maybe this is just some misunderstanding and he means Umbrella security guards. “Not that I'm complaining. I like a man in uniform, but the Umbrella soldiers don't do it for me, they wear helmets, cover their faces! I like pretty faces.”

“Uh, yeah, I haven't been a cop very long and I think my boss kinda hates me,” Leon says, trying to sidestep the fact he's pretty sure this guy just implied he thinks Leon is pretty, which makes his knees feel a little weak. “He gives me stupid assignments all the time. He's got some deal with someone at Umbrella because I do so many Umbrella errands. It's like, Leon, Umbrella has a truck delivering sensitive stuff so you're going to escort it part of the way. Leon, Umbrella is having an employee party and wants extra security so I'm sending you, Chris and Jill, you get to go investigate murders.’ I never get to do anything. I don't think it's just that I'm new and not experienced because he won't let me even start getting experience. I can't tag along with someone else to help and get experience because I'm always too busy with stupid stuff.”

Leon is definitely going to die alone. This guy totally checked him out, said he likes a man in uniform and a pretty face, and definitely stared at Leon's lips for an unnecessarily long time. And then instead of rolling with it Leon decided to start complaining about his job and boss, and he can practically see the man's interest deflate, until he awkwardly walks away. But maybe it's for the best because it's not like Leon is in a position to try and get up to anything romantic… What's he going to do if he starts making out with this guy and he wants to come home with him? His “home” is a jeep.

Leon watches the man go over and talk to some woman, probably flirting, and gets way more jealous than he has any right too… Maybe it could work. They could hook up. Leon could suggest they go back to the other man's place, if he says it won't work then Leon will make up his own excuse and say they can just fool around in his car. He's pretty sure there's nothing obviously suspicious about the interior of the car. Maybe just some clothes sitting out in the backseat and a food wrapper or two, nothing that screams “I've been living in this car for a week.”

Leon abandons his post at the wall, to run after the man. He doubts anyone will care enough to make sure it gets back to Irons that he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. Whoever he was talking to loses interest and walks away, giving Leon an in.

“Hey, wait, are you leaving soon?” Leon asks, catching up to him.

“I don't know? Why's it matter to you?”

“Well, uh, you're drunk? I can't let you drive home.”

“First of all, I won't even be driving. I don't drive, I'll walk, I don't live too far. Second of all, I don't know why you're singling me out, everyone else here is–” The man starts to gesture around at everyone else, but then suddenly stops and looks at Leon, smirking. “Ohh, I get it. You're completely right, I'm far too drunk to leave on my own, I need a handsome officer to escort me home~ Right now, I'm bored.”

“Okay. Let's go," Leon says, heading out to his jeep, Luis following. “Can you give me directions to your place?”

“Uh, well, the thing is… No, I can't. I've only been here a couple days, I was put up in a hotel the first night because today Umbrella was going to furnish the apartment so I could sleep there tonight, I do have thr key, but I think I left the paper with the address and directions at the lab so I have no idea where it is or how to get there…”

Okay, Leon can work with this. Even though he's been denied chances to learn about his actual job, he's at least tried to learn about the city. Everyone at the Umbrella party seemed disgustingly rich, so he's reasonably sure which apartment building they would put Luis in, the nicest, most expensive building in the city.

“I think I know what building it would be in.”

“I don't know the number off the top of my head. We can just go to your place tonight. I do know where the lab is, in the morning I'll find my way there, then I'll have the paper with everything written down,” Great, just great. Luis seems to sense Leon's displeased with this development, even if he's not entirely sure why. “Am I misreading everything? Are you genuinely just trying to make sure I get home? I thought you just wanted to have sex with me and it wouldn't matter where we ended up… I'm really not that drunk, just drop me off at the lab, I'll get the paper and make it there on my own.”

“Well, at first I was just trying to get laid. But now that I know you haven't been in the country long and haven't even been to where you're living once and don't know your address, I'm actually starting to think it would be wrong to drop you off alone anywhere after dark. The problem is I can't just take you home with me…” Come on, think of a decent lie… “My apartment is being fumigated right now. The station has beds I'll be getting my sleep on in the meantime, but I can't really take you in with me.”

“That's okay, let's just fuck in your backseat.”

Leon wants to point out that that doesn't even solve the main problem, where Luis will sleep tonight, but Luis is already crawling over to the backseat, so apparently they're doing this right now. Well, there's still one hurdle.

“So, uh, I don't have a dick, is that a deal breaker?”

“I do have one, is that a deal breaker? I'm kind of a slut, if you can't tell,” Luis is nervous too, after his witty response. “I don't really have deal breakers. You're pretty, I really, really like you for reasons I don't really understand, as long as we both get off, this is a success in my book.”

“Of course you're just a slut. It's not me,” And Leon can't just let himself win, he's going to screw this hookup up before it begins. “You would have slept with anyone at that party who was interested.”

“It's not like that! Okay, maybe it's a little like that. But I do like you. I don't want to say love at first sight, but there was something special when I looked at you. I wouldn't normally break away from the crowd to go try and flirt with a security guard, I would've slept with a coworker. I am a slut, but you feel special enough I'll try and do things right, we can go on dates and not have sex right now?”

“No,” Leon says, shaking his head and getting out of the jeep to get into the backseat with Luis. “You already got me excited, we're doing this. I don't really, uh, have a lot of experience with this though.”

“That's alright, I'll take it slow for you, pretty boy.”

Leon suspects that Luis didn't mean taking it slow as making out for a while and then just fingering Leon because he came in his pants, but Leon's not going to complain about that being the outcome. It was still the best orgasm of his life.

“Whew, that was good,” Luis mutters, lazily running a hand through Leon's hair. “Worked up an appetite. You know any good places around here open this late?”

“Yeah,” Leon mutters. This is actually better than the orgasm, just laying on top of Luis, feeling his hair played with. He's never had sex, and he's also never had this kind of intimacy either. Hell, he's barely even been hugged. His bio parents weren't affectionate, none of his foster families were either, and he was never able to make friends in school. It's probably sad that it takes so little to make him happy, but Luis is making him feel loved. The only bad thing is that he's so sweaty, it's gross, the way the wetness of his uniform clings to his skin. But he pushes it to the back of his mind, focusing on Luis. “I've never been to any, but there's some diners open.”

Leon should not be going out to eat right now. He was broker than broke before moving to Raccoon City, he has gotten one paycheck but it was underwhelming. He's still going to have to pinching pennies for a while to scrape together the money for a deposit. But there's very little that he wouldn't sacrifice to extend the time he has in Luis's presence.

“So, after we're done here, you can drive me to the lab, then I'll get my paper with the stuff so you can drive me to my apartment?” Luis asks, eating the most expensive thing on the menu, which Leon is still going to pay for because he's more than a little desperate to make sure this guy likes him. “Or we could just go to a hotel if you don't want to make more stops?”

“No, I don't mind,” In fact, Leon would mind going to a hotel. He really shouldn't have spent this much money on food, he really can't blow money on a hotel right now. Maybe Luis might pay for it, but that's not a risk he wants to take. And he'd still feel obligated to at least offer to split the cost… “I know right where the lab is.”

Leon thought this was going to be a wait in the car while Luis runs in to get something type of situation, but Luis asks him to come in too. Leon had seen the outside of the lab, but hadn't gone inside before, the place is high security. They go through several doors that either need Luis's retinal or badge scanned to open, but after what feels like forever they finally reach a locker room. Luis opens one locker that has a few boxes stacked inside. He takes and pockets a paper that was on top of the boxes, grabs a bag that was hanging, then gestures to the boxes.

“Ah, so, when arranging the whole transfer thing, Umbrella would have had the movers also get my personal belongings, but I have stuff a little too important to trust with strangers and decided to put my boxes in my locker for now…” Luis blushes slightly and nervously rubs the back of his neck. “So I was thinking maybe you could help me out..? You actually have muscles, I'm kind of a twig, lab work isn't athletic.”

For a brief second Leon fears that Luis doesn't really like him and this was all an elaborate ruse to get someone to help him move his boxes. But thankfully logic prevails and he realizes the thought makes no sense, Luis had originally wanted to go to Leon's place.

“Yeah, I can probably get two at once, if you can get the other one it'll only take us one trip.”

Leon feels like he's entering a whole new world, one he doesn't belong in, going into the apartment building. The place is just so nice, and quiet. The marble floor is sparkling, Leon worries about his shoes leaving footprints. Up the elevator, then finally to the apartment that's Luis's… Yeah, Leon does not belong in this world. Some floor to ceiling walls, beautiful flooring, furniture that Leon has to believe is brand new and expensive. Why has Leon been acting like he has a chance with this guy if he just keeps his current living situation a secret long enough? Even if he does keep it a secret until he finally gets an apartment, Luis will dump him when he sees it because it'll be a shithole of an apartment, nothing close to this level of luxury that Luis is apparently accustomed to, seeing as Luis is looking around the place like it's his normal, not anything particularly impressive.

“Thanks for the help, and for the food, and sorry I made you drive all over the place. You should just sleep here tonight, save you another trip back to the station. And, well, I like you, so I'd like you to stay longer. If you want to, of course.”

“Yeah. If I can shower, and I should probably wash my uniform too.”

“Of course, of course, I have some soaps from when I was in the hotel you can use. And you can wear some of my clothes for tonight.”

Jesus Christ, Leon had been thinking that his jeep seat wasn't really that unpleasant, but it's going to suck now that he's experienced such an absurdly comfortable mattress. It's extra comfortable because he's also wearing Luis's shirt, and he has Luis next to him. He almost doesn't want to fall asleep, because he doesn't want this to end. If he doesn't play his cards right, this is the only time he'll ever be in a bed with Luis. If he does, this… relationship? still has an expiration date, the day Luis finally realizes that Leon is a broke loser who doesn't fit into his world.

But unfortunately Leon is also very worn out and can't make the moment last too long before dozing off.

[luis-serra-kennedy]

well, I was working on what's supposed to be the final chapter and realized I'm probably going to have to split it up... there's not 9k words of stuff that will actually be posted because it's a rough draft document that includes some duplicate scenes written in different ways and a few scenes that happen offscreen but that I needed to write out just for me to reference, but still, I think even with all that cut it'll be a longer chapter than I wanted for this particular fic. I've done 10k word chapters before, but for a very different fic which felt more suited to long chapters than this one.

my bad because I strayed from my outline and made one subplot way more important and focused on. the final chapter was supposed to mostly be Krauser finally getting some consequences with a tiny bit of domestic Serrennedy, but now it's shaping up to be a lot more domestic stuff. like probably won't be more of the fluff than of the Krauser stuff, but it'll be a lot closer to a 50:50 mix than I had planned.

the Krauser stuff does tie into everything else too, it's not all completely unrelated

[luis-serra-kennedy]

“Good morning, mi amor~” Luis's voice and the smell of pancakes, perfect things to wake up to. Albeit confusing. Leon almost asks why Luis is bringing him breakfast in bed instead of going to work, but then he opens his eyes and sees Luis's black eye and busted lip and remembers yesterday's shit show wasn't just a bad dream… Leon decides to give himself the luxury of blissful denial and pretend Luis just has a day off for normal reasons and enjoy it– the breakfast in bed, the not having to jump out of bed immediately to check on the baby because Luis always takes care of her first thing on his days off, and just laying in bed with the love of his life. “Hey, can we talk about last night?” So much for blissful denial. “What we were talking about after smoking. You told me you wanted another baby, in just a few months. Did you mean that? Or was it just the drugs?”

“Serious. I want another, if you do. I think we can handle it. We're in a good groove with Silvie and we have your grandpa helping, we can handle a toddler and a newborn. If you want to that soon.”

“Wow. I honestly thought we'd be one and done. You were in enough pain to break my fucking hand, I thought when you mentioned a second you just weren't thinking it through and once I started a serious discussion about it you'd realize what you'd have to go through again and say hell no.”

“You broke your own fucking hand,” Leon rolls his eyes. “Being stupid and slamming it in the car door.”

“That was just the story I told you because you were still extra sensitive and I didn't want you to feel guilty and cry. But really, it was you. My fault still. I did tell you to squeeze it as hard as you needed. Which was apparently hard enough that something popped… I snuck down to the ER, turns out it was actually broken. Not a big deal, didn't stop it from being the best day of my life.”

“Jesus Christ. You're insane,” Leon shakes his head, and then steals a quick kiss from Luis because he can't resist. It's not the only thing that Leon likes about Luis, but his eagerness to make sacrifices and prioritize Leon and Silvia above himself is certainly one of the biggest reasons he's so damn in love with him. “I broke your fucking hand and you seriously think everything was okay and great and the best day of your life and you want to do that again?”

“Of course it was the best day of my life, I got to finally meet my princess. I used to think you were the most perfect person ever, but I'm afraid Silvia blew you out of the water, no offense,” Leon doesn't take any offense, he's in complete agreement that Silvia is perfect, more perfect than he'll ever be. “Really though, don't beat yourself up over the hand thing. I really didn't mind. I would have let you break every bone in my body if it would have taken some of your pain away. The worst part for me wasn't my hand hurting, it was watching you in pain and not able to do anything to help.”

“You did help. My memory of it all is foggy, but I remember at first trying to grip the bed railing and everything hurt too much to even keep my eyes open and then you told me to squeeze your hand instead and it did help more than squeezing the railing, knowing you were right there with me even with my eyes closed. I don't really remember you talking to me, but I know you did the whole time, I remember you yelling at people? Because you didn't think they were treating me right or something. I was barely aware of anything happening around me, so you yelling actually made me feel a little safer too, knowing I had someone who was aware and looking out for me. But I still don't want to do that shit again, even the little bit I do remember was agonizing. Epidural or c-section this time. It's a little scary to me, either feeling like I'm trapped and can't move my legs or getting put under, but now I know you really are serious about wanting to protect me. Yelling at doctors, just letting me break your hand, getting into a fist fight with my ex… I know I don't need to worry about anything if you're around,” It's rare that a sober Leon gets this open and emotional, Luis savors it quietly, not wanting to talk or even reach out to touch Leon because treating this like it's a big deal and out of ordinary runs the risk of Leon realizing how open he's being and getting self conscious, killing the moment. “I love you.”

very exhausted rn from going to a MTG convention today, but planning to post a snippet from the final chapter tomorrow since I've taken so long to finish it

[luis-serra-kennedy]

very exhausted rn from going to a MTG convention today, but planning to post a snippet from the final chapter tomorrow since I've taken so long to finish it

[luis-serra-kennedy]

some Luis merch wips :)

[luis-serra-kennedy]

deep lore the reason Leon's favorite band is Cheap Trick in rockstar!Luis AU is that he saw this album cover and it was immediately his transition goal and he became obsessed

[luis-serra-kennedy]

yeehaw. this is from the spinoff au which i intend to get back to eventually i just have writer's block with chapter 2 and keep skipping ahead and writing stuff that will happen in the sequel fic. Anyways sorry for the rambling i am very drunk, basically important context is that in the second chapter of the posted fic will have leon and luis smoking weed and leon rambling about wanting luis to get him pregnant in a year bc he wants to be a dad, and also luis invites him to go to spain with him once his album is done

So this is set when they're in spain, Leon started feeling sick as soon as they got there and this isba few days in. Also nothing will be italicized bc when i copy/paste from google docs to tumblr it doesn't keep formatting and im too ✨️drunk✨️ to manually add the italics back sorry here we goooo fun emoji to separate my rambling from excerpt

🎸

“Let me guess, you're coming in to tell me there's still leftovers from dinner and ask if I'm feeling better and want to try eating some? I don't. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of eating your shitty cooking! I wanted to like it, I gave it so many chances, all it does is make me throw up! Your cooking sucks. Or maybe just the Spanish food itself since nothing else you make does this!” Leon's voice is loud and every word is laced with venom. He knows that he's going to regret saying all of this because it's going to drive away the best thing that ever happened to him, but he just can't make himself stop, the words just keep tumbling out. “Or maybe you're in here to tell me you want me to go out and do some activity or something with your grandpa. Not interested. Don't want to spend time with someone I can't understand. And I just don't want to do anything else here because every second here has been miserable. I'm over it! I hate you, I hate Spain, I hate you for making me come to this shitty country! Never traveling again. This has been the worst week of my life, fuck Spain, fuck you, fuck your grandpa, why couldn't he just come to America to visit you? Why'd we have to come to this shitty country to visit him, he could have visited us and had a better time. I hate this, hate it here.”

“Well, thank you for the honesty. Clearly I'm a bigger idiot than I thought, here I was thinking you were just being antisocial because you were sick and feeling shitty. It wasn't your fault you got sick, but it's also not my fault. You don't have the right to treat me like this. You don't have the right to scream at me, insult my cooking, my homeland, my culture, my family,” Luis's words aren't loud. There's no white hot anger. Just completely neutral, detached. And for some reason that hurts more. Leon wishes Luis had yelled at him too. “Goodnight. I'm sleeping on the couch. I suggest packing your things before you fall asleep, you hate it here and want to go back to America, wish granted. First thing in the morning I'll make some calls and get you on a plane back ASAP, then I can finally relax and enjoy time with my favorite person in the world, my grandfather. Or maybe I'll go out and meet someone new, someone who really appreciates me, who won't berate me, who wants to have sex with me and not give me lame excuses not to for weeks.”

Great job, Leon. You're a loser who was lucky enough to get a millionaire rockstar boyfriend, and you lost him because you got sick and then started picking fights with him instead of even trying to enjoy your Spain vacation and earn the approval of said rockstar's family.

He can't be upset with Luis for this, because he doesn't feel like the person he was before this trip. That wasn't where the trouble started– for weeks, Leon's been a pretty shitty boyfriend. He's had a short fuse, snapping at Luis for things he normally wouldn't care about. He's wanted more space from Luis, a lot more alone time than he wanted previously. He went from being alright with sex at least every other day, to wanting it less than every week. But things still felt salvageable. Luis didn't complain. There was a sort of unspoken understanding that Leon was just stressed and their trip to Spain would help him relax and get their relationship back on track. Even on the days Leon felt particularly irritable, he would be excited for the trip. For a chance to have family.

Having no (accepting) parental figures of his own, he'd been a mix of excited and anxious about meeting Luis's grandfather. He wanted his approval so much, he felt like he would have done anything to earn it. Then he actually got to Spain and suddenly stopped caring about everything. He didn't even look around the room he was in, and it's Luis's childhood bedroom, he could be learning more about Luis if he gave a single shit. He ruined everything.

Maybe Leon isn't supposed to be with men who are nice and treat him like Luis does. He was never a shitty boyfriend to Krauser. Krauser got sex every day that he wanted it (which was every day) no matter how Leon felt. He never dared to raise his voice to Krauser. He was afraid of Krauser, that kept him in line. He loves Luis but isn't afraid of him, that means he's a shitty boyfriend.

…

Leon hasn't had a single good night in Spain. But this night is by far the worst. All the other times he woke up in the middle of the night nauseous, Luis would wake up too and follow him to the bathroom, and hold his hair back if he actually started throwing up and rub his back and kiss the top of his head and whisper soothing words and–

Leon doesn't even bother getting up to go to the bathroom when he wakes up sick this time. Luis is asleep on the couch, Leon would have to walk past him and probably accidentally wake him up, and he's already pissed, Leon doesn't want to upset him even more. But maybe Luis doesn't completely hate him, there's some crackers and a glass of water on the nightstand that Luis must have brought in after Leon fell asleep. But that doesn't mean that Luis still loves him, it just means he doesn't want Leon dying in his childhood bedroom. He tries taking a sip of water, but it doesn't stay down. Hopefully he'll wake up before Luis so he can sneak out and wash the bile out of the sheets so Luis doesn't have to deal with any more of his crap.

…

When Leon wakes up, he isn't alone like he should be. Luis is sitting on the edge of the bed, gently petting his hair. Something isn't real. Either Leon didn't actually yell at Luis and just dreamed it, or he's dreaming right now. But he doesn't feel like he's dreaming, and last night didn't feel like a dream either.

“You awake, mi amor?” Luis asks softly, having noticed Leon's breathing change and his body tense slightly as he realized Luis was touching him. Leon opens his eyes a crack, and sees Luis is gazing at him like he used to, like when he thought Leon was so perfect and had never done anything wrong. “How are you feeling this morning? Still nauseous? I went out and got you some different drinks, sodas and gatorade, you should drink something. You should maybe try eating something easy too, might perk you up a little bit? I haven't been taking good care of you, I should have been doing this sooner, not just trying to feed you my cooking.”

“Fucking actors. You hate me now, want to throw me out, you being nice now, just an act. Cut the crap, stop trying to take care of me. I'll let you take me back to the airport and won't complain or argue, just don't make it harder by pretending you still care about me. You'll never forgive me for what I said last night, our relationship is over. I tried packing like you said, but I just felt too sick and dizzy. Still feel a little dizzy. Just help me pack, let me call Claire and see if she'll pick me up, then all you have to do is drop me off at the airport and forget about me and upgrade to someone better who treats you better. Fuck, almost forgot, I need help changing the sheets too, threw up in the middle of the night, didn't make it to the bathroom. I hoped I'd wake up before you and not feel like shit so I could clean up and pack and stop being your problem…”

“Shh, baby. I want to pretend that last night didn't happen and start fresh. I'm not mad at you. I don't want to kick you out, make you get on a plane, for a fight that was basically just my fault. I wanted to come in and talk to you and apologize last night when I realized what an idiot I was, but you were already–”

“No. I want to pretend it didn't happen, but we can't. It's over. The shit I said isn't stuff someone can forgive and forget. How could you? Every time you look at me you're just going to be thinking about me yelling that I hate you and your family, I fucked everything up.”

“I fucked everything up by being self absorbed and taking far too long to notice something incredibly obvious about my boyfriend. Leon, can you please look at me?” Leon does finally lift his head back up, and sees Luis already noticed the mess and threw a towel over it, having been unable to actually change any bedding without waking Leon. “I can forgive and forget, because that wasn't really you last night. It was so out of character. It isn't Leon, I know you're not like this. You sometimes find me annoying and like to tease me and make fun of me, but normally you have more boundaries, lines you won't cross. You're never cruel, you never want to cut me so deep. Now you're yelling at me, you're insulting things that you'd normally think are crossing the line. Something is making you act like this. And, after talking to my grandfather, I realized that something is possibly my fault. Probably my fault, even.”

“Shut up. You didn't get me sick, you haven't been sick. And I know I blamed your food, but I was just being stupid, I was sick before getting here. Remember, I threw up a couple days before leaving. You wanted to postpone the whole trip, but I felt better after and said we should still go. You said it yourself last night, being sick doesn't excuse what I said.”

“I agree that I didn't get you sick… This didn't start with your upset stomach. It started before that first time you threw up. You were exhausted and napping all the time. You started eating more too, I even had to start adjusting how much food I'd make to keep up with your appetite. You started getting a bit moodier, snapping at me for small things once in a while. Of course there's the dry spell too. I didn't really think much about it though… But now that you're also throwing up and constantly completely pissed off at me for no reason, things are starting to look more obvious,” Luis thought it might click for Leon then, but he still just looks confused. “Think! Pregnancy! I got you pregnant! I was venting to my grandfather last night, he joked that you were acting just like my grandmother and mother acted while pregnant. I felt like such a piece of shit, seriously, he clocked that you were pregnant before me and he didn't even know it was physically possible for you to be, he just thought he was making a joke. What kind of a boyfriend am I for not noticing what all your symptoms pointed to, when I'm well aware that you're capable of getting pregnant and came inside you a couple months ago?”

“Jesus Christ. No. I got back on the pill before we did that, when we decided we wanted to wait a year.”

“Pills can fail, mi amor. You being pregnant explains everything. I wish I put the pieces together sooner, I wouldn't have dragged you out here. Your symptoms got so much worse since coming here. I think the stress of being away from home is making you worse, stress can affect the body.”

“I'm not pregnant! I'm just a shitty boyfriend that got food poisoning at a bad time. Just go back to being mad at me, send me home so I don't ruin more of your trip.”

“I didn't go to the store just to buy you drinks, I bought pregnancy tests. Take them. If I'm wrong and they're negative, I'll break up with you and send you home. I'm right and they're positive… Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Deal?”

“I'll take the stupid tests. But they're going to be negative. So then you're going to admit I'm just a bad person and send me home,” Leon pauses. “Am I going to have to do a walk of shame past your grandpa?”

“He's still in his room, I said we needed privacy.”

Leon shuffles off to the bathroom and Luis starts following him in.

“What the hell are you doing? Into watching me piss?”

“The instructions are in Spanish, you need help.”

“Don't need instructions or help, done enough of them to have it memorized,” Luis gives him a look. “Never been pregnant if you're worrying about that. Just had scares with my ex.”

“Okay, okay, sorry, I'll leave you to it. They take a couple hours? You want to go back to sleep after and I'll wake you up when the result is ready?”

“Fine.”

…

While he was too stubborn to admit it, Leon had started to believe that Luis was actually onto something. Pills aren't silver bullets, and pregnancy did explain literally everything that was wrong. And it excused it. Luis was so mad at him. He was cold, wanted to kick him out, break up with him, wouldn't sleep in the same bed. But once he started thinking Leon was pregnant, he was right back to being the perfect, doting boyfriend who looked at Leon like he was the most beautiful person in the whole world who had never done anything wrong in his life. Pregnancy was his only hope, his get out of jail free card. There was no other scenario that would make Luis forgive him for shit talking his grandfather and complaining about visiting him. Well, maybe if he had a brain tumor, that might get him a pass. But that's not on the table. Either he was pregnant or he inherited his father's issues.

So Leon's heart sinks when he gets woken up by the sounds of Luis rummaging around and opens his eyes to see him packing his suitcase. He doesn't get to use hormones as an excuse. “I'm really fucking sorry for treating you like this for no reason at all” just doesn't hit as strongly as “I'm really fucking sorry, I love you and I know you love me, my body is just being flooded with absurd amounts of hormones and they're making me completely irrational” does.

He's the problem. By the time Luis notices Leon's awake, he's bawling his eyes out. He wishes he'd been able to keep himself together, because the sobbing makes Luis feel guilty enough to forget he's mad and come hug Leon.

“Hey, what's wrong, do you–”

“What's wrong? Where the fuck do I start? I've been puking up my guts for days, I'm a piece of shit that's pushing my perfect boyfriend away for no reason, said things that can never be unsaid, and I'm not pregnant so he's packing my shit to kick me out because he won't feel guilty now that he knows there's no baby.”

“Leon. You're not being thrown out. You're not a piece of shit. You are pregnant. Both tests gave positives, even quicker than the box said they're supposed to take. I'm not mad at you. As far as I'm concerned, last night's fight didn't happen. You said horrible things, but horrible things you don't actually believe. I said horrible things too. It's all water under the bridge now.”

“Then why’re you packing? You said if it was negative, you'd–”

“I wasn't just packing your things, I was packing my own too. Your body is doing the most difficult thing the human body is capable of. You need to be at home, comfortable, in your own bed, resting and relaxing. Not in a foreign country, in my childhood bedroom, an unfamiliar place. With me not paying enough attention to you because I was distracted by time with my grandfather, if I was more attentive, I would have realized what your symptoms pointed to and had you take a test before things got to a point where you blew up, but I was only briefly checking in on you, spending most of my time with him… You needed me more, I let you down. We're going back today, both of us, together. You'll feel better being home, and… we do have more options at home. I mean, we both said we wanted kids but not this soon. Termination isn't legal here, and, uh, I did the math, you have to be getting close to the cutoff…”

“You want me to get an abortion so badly that you're willing to cut this trip short just to make it happen. That's what you want? Me having your baby is so fucking awful to you that you want to cut your important trip short just to avoid that!”

“No, Leon, no,” Luis pauses for a second and looks up at the ceiling. This conversation is walking across a field of landmines. “The way I was raised, the only person who gets a say is the one who's pregnant. When my mother got pregnant with me, my grandfather immediately started making arrangements to take her out of the country for an abortion because he thought it was the correct thing to do, her boyfriend left her, she was in nursing school, she wasn't ready for a baby. But I exist, so obviously that didn't happen. Because he stopped as soon as he realized it wasn't what she wanted. He still thought she was making a mistake, but it was her decision. All I want is whatever you want. I didn't think you'd want to keep it, I mean, the last time we talked about this you said you were going to get back on the pill because you weren't ready for a baby. But my grandfather thought my mother wasn't ready and wouldn't want to keep the pregnancy…”

“It doesn't work like that. You can't just not have an opinion about something so life altering. You're just pretending you don't care.”

“Of course I care. Of course there's an option I like more. But it doesn't matter. Your body, your decision to make. I made my choice the moment I decided to have unprotected sex with you, after that it was out of my hands. I promise you, I will be supportive either way.”

“Easier said than done. If I say I want to keep it, you'll say you're okay with that, you'll even do the supportive stuff. But deep down, you'll resent me. For keeping it and fucking up your whole career because I couldn't just stick to the plan and wait a year when it would be easier.”

“Okay. What I'm getting out of this is that you do want to keep it? Correct me if I'm wrong.”

“I don't know. I don't know what I want. I've been through so many feelings the past few hours. I wanted to be pregnant because then nothing would be my fault and you'd still love me. I thought I wanted a baby, even though it's sooner. But now I think you don't want a baby now, so I don't want one right now, because I want to be with you and it's not worth jeopardizing that. Plus being this exhausted and throwing everything up and hating you for no reason and crying over everything… I don't know why I wanted to be pregnant and why I still want to be. This shit sucks. I knew I'd throw up and get fat, didn't expect me to feel like the world is ending every 5 minutes. Maybe this isn't normal, maybe something else is wrong with me.”

“I wish I could tell you that it isn't normal and you could take a pill and feel better. But it is normal. I also wish I could tell you I understand how you're feeling, but I can't do that either because I don't know. I don't know how it feels suddenly being full of hormones that mess with your head and make you feel crazy, and I never will understand because biology isn't fair. But I can at least tell you that I know what you're going through is real, even if I can't understand it so personally. Supposedly my grandmother went from sweetest woman to raging bitch overnight when she got pregnant. Absolutely hated my grandfather. Just his smell pissed her off and she'd want to strangle him. My mother wasn't that bad, but she was still overly emotional. It isn't all bad though. You get to have a special bond with the baby I'll never experience. The very first thing the baby will hear after growing ears is your heartbeat. You'll be able to feel the kicks inside weeks before I can feel anything from the outside. I won't be able to rock the baby to sleep until they're born, you'll be able to rock them in a couple months just walking around, every move you make the baby will feel…”

“Your smell doesn't piss me off. I think I like it more than I did before,” Leon says, completely ignoring Luis's sappier sentences. Because they were almost sounding like Luis wants this. But he doesn't, there's no reason for him to, it just doesn't make sense. “God, can you just tell me what you want?”

“I want this now. I want us to have a baby now, not wait another year. And, even though I don't really believe in all the destiny and everything happens for a reason stuff, I have to admit that the timing feels special. Like it was meant to be. I didn't realize before, but after thinking, it hit me that I got you pregnant the very first try. There was only one time we did something that could result in pregnancy. I think we both know that I rarely do things right the first time. But the world doesn't revolve around me. If the timing for you feels wrong, then it is, I'll be patient and wait until you're ready and we can try again. Actually, it doesn't even need to be the old fashioned way. I've heard they can do a lot with surrogacy nowadays, we could have a baby that's biologically both of ours but carried by a surrogate instead of you. Then you wouldn't have to deal with all those horrible symptoms.”

“God. I don't know. That sounds like a dream come true on paper. None of the physical symptoms, won't have to worry about how the hell I'll hide an obvious baby bump… But something just doesn't feel right. You got me feeling all stupid and sappy with that talk about the silver linings. Probably would have been on board with surrogacy before you said that crap, but not anymore. Maybe it's just hormones fucking with my judgment, but I don't like the thought of some random woman we don't know being the first person to start bonding with our baby.”

“I don't like it very much either. If it's you, I also still get to start bonding sooner,” Luis starts to reach out to stroke Leon's stomach, but stops short, his hand hovering awkwardly because he's not sure how welcome that kind of touch will be. Leon looks down at his hand and nods, giving Luis permission to set his hand there. He smiles when his hand feels the unusually firm spot. “Of course I don't get to have the really special that you do, but I'll be able to talk to your belly, feel the kicks, eventually. Every night. Not something I could do with a surrogate. I'll do as much as I can to make it easier on you. We'll hide it as long as possible. Baggy clothes will probably do it for a good while. Even when you can't hide it at all anymore, I highly doubt anyone will look at you and think pregnancy. You pass so well, they'll think beer belly or something else first. God, how the hell did I not notice?! This doesn't feel like normal weight gain…”

“Didn't get a chance to notice. I've been so bitchy and hormonal, didn't let you touch me enough. The real question is how I didn't notice.”

“Because you're a tough guy who doesn't like being vulnerable and dependent, so you keep your head buried in the sand and pretend nothing is ever wrong so you can live in blissful denial.”

“Shut up. You're a rockstar, not a shrink. Don't psychoanalyze me.”

“But am I wrong? You're just proving my point, mi amor. Don't deflect, this is important. You need to learn to admit that you need my help if we want this to go smoothly.”

“Your ego's massive. You're not that important. I'm not dying, I'm just pregnant! I'm tired, I eat more, I throw up a lot, big fucking deal. I don't need you. I could do this without you. I didn't have you when I was sick last night and I survived. I can take care of myself,” Luis knows that Leon is wrong. In so many different ways. Objectively. He absolutely does need Luis, if for no other reason than the financials. But he also knows that attempting to argue with Leon when he's like this will be futile. He sighs and gets up and starts heading for the door. He'll give Leon some space and wait for him to cool off a bit, then come back and try to gently talk some– “Christ, don't go. Please. You can't just leave me. I was lying, I do need you. Just don't– please, you can't–”

“Hey, hey, deep breaths. I was going to come back. I was just going to give you a little bit of space to calm down. But if you don't want space, I'm not leaving.”

[luis-serra-kennedy]

Im wasted gonna dig hurt comfort typr scene out of my drafts

[luis-serra-kennedy]

If I Could Get Inside Your Head, I'd Rip Out Every Word He Said deleted scene

It would have been in chapter 3. The idea for it came to me when I was rereading Rick Springfield's memoir, this part where one of his lucky breaks was a broadcasted fight between heavyweight champion Larry Holmes and Leon Spinks. The fight was over far quicker than expected, so, to use Rick's own words, "some desperate TV guy had gone scrambling for anything to fill the empty airspace and his incredibly-lucky-for-me fingers landed on my video cassette." He didn't find out it had been broadcasted and seen by a ton of people until the next morning, when he walked onto the set of General Hospital and everyone was talking about Jessie's Girl. Soon after, he was getting bombarded by interview requests, including one that involved flying to New York for MTV.

I ended up cutting the scene because I wanted a cute thing where the New York/MTV thing is how Leon finds out Luis's album was actually a huge success and he's surprised by it, whereas in this he was aware that the album did pretty well. I also changed up some timeline stuff before the final draft, so Leon's a little further along than he is in the final version of the chapter.

But I still think it's very cute and worth posting, even though it doesn't quite fit into the larger fic :)

Putting the full scene here under the cut for convenience, but I also tossed it on ao3 if you'd rather read it there.

More often than not, Leon feels like a sad lost puppy when Luis is gone. He wants to give Luis the treatment he gave Krauser, waiting right by the front door, ready to give him anything he wanted the second he walked in. (Though the motivation is different– He mostly did it because he was afraid of Krauser. For Luis, he wants to do it out of love.) Unfortunately he likes the bed and couch too much nowadays to find the will to get up and be by the door. But there's exceptions, when he has some extra motivation, like today.

Luis doesn't make it two steps in the door before Leon crashes his body into his, throwing his arms around Luis, whose eyes widen in surprise. Luis wants to return the affection, wrap Leon in a bear hug and squeeze tight, maybe lift him up off the ground. But he's always mindful of the fact that Leon's a lot more delicate than he used to be now. Maybe a little paranoid, even. He knows the baby is well insulated and protected in there and wouldn't be the least bit affected by Luis squeezing Leon. But even though he knows it's illogical, he still feels like he'd be crushing the baby if he hugged too tight. So he puts his arms around Leon but loosely, and rests his chin on the top of Leon's head, savoring the moment.

Really, the hug is tight enough without Luis contributing– Leon squeezes hard, like his life depends on it, like Luis will disappear if he doesn't hold onto him– Oh. Oh shit. Luis is a real asshole. He is home late. Filming was running later than usual, then his manager wanted to talk to him about setting up some interviews and a potential tour which led to an argument, Luis is really late and he never called Leon to warn him. Leon's probably been sitting by this door for hours, staring at the clock, crying, thinking all his worst fears came true and Luis was never coming back. Claire was out, Leon had no one to comfort him. Luis also notices the way Leon's body feels against his own, it's not like any girlfriend he's hugged, firm instead of soft and squishy, it's different, special even, and only compounds the guilt he feels. His baby isn't even born yet, and he's already screwing up at fatherhood; the only thing he can do to help his baby at this point is to make sure all of Leon's physical needs are met and keep him as stress free as possible, and today he failed.

“Leon, I am so sorry. Shooting ran late, right after I had something with my manager so I was in a rush, but that's no excuse, I should have called. I'm not abandoning you and the baby. You can let go of me and get yourself back off your feet, I'm not going anywhere, I promise,” Leon does let go, taking a step back from Luis. His hand goes to his back indicating that he is sore, but the lack of red eyes and cheeks and puffy face show that he hasn't been crying. Luis looks him up and down for a second, not liking the sign his back his bothering him, trying to decide if he trusts himself to literally sweep Leon off his feet. Leon is heavier now, Luis has had a long day, but the couch isn't that far, he can make it. Leon's surprised to find himself suddenly in Luis's arms, but he certainly isn't upset by the development, nuzzling his face against Luis's shoulder. Leon used to think he didn't like surprises, but now he knows that he just didn't like it when Krauser surprised him. He likes Luis's surprises. Luis doesn't carry him to the bedroom and throw him down on the bed to hold down and have his way with, he just gently sets him down on the couch and sits next to him. “You're not usually at the door for me like that. I thought it was because I was late, you thought I wasn't going to come back and when I did you thought I needed to give me special treatment to make sure I'd stick around for good. But clearly you haven't been upset, so what's with the special treatment?”

“I was watching TV and saw you, felt really special so that warrants special treatment,” Leon wants to pounce on Luis, grab his arms and hold them down, grind down on his lap like he used to– but he's now a little too pregnant to try that, or most of the things he'd do to initiate normally. He settles for awkwardly straddling Luis's leg, hoping Luis will take the lead and move things to the bedroom. But Luis isn't quite sure if he should be into this situation or not. Part of him is still worried that this is just Leon's defense mechanism again, trying to have sex because it's the only way he can guarantee that Luis won't get tired of him. But on the other hand, this does feel a lot more genuine, like that this is something that Leon actually wants, not just something he'll grin and bear if he needs to. “My fiancé is a real big shot famous rockstar, sometimes I forget now that I'm always cooped up here and not seeing you do your rockstar thing, but it's hot as fuck. So hot. Fuck me.”

“Oh c'mon, mi amor, don't be silly, you know I'm on TV every day,” Luis says, a little amused. If Leon wasn't extra sensitive for the time being, he may have teased him more and asked if he really couldn't come up with a better excuse, but he's unwilling to right now. He also may have tried to get Leon a little more desperate and begging. But right now he just gives Leon whatever he wants, he runs his hands up Leon's thighs, (Leon didn't bother putting pants on this morning.) and settling them on Leon's hips. He starts gently moving the leg Leon is straddling. “It's hardly special, you don't treat me like this every day. Not that I expect you to!”

“It wasn't your stupid show I saw you on, I don't watch that old lady bullshit,” Leon's voice is already getting breathy and higher pitched just from the steady movement of Luis's leg. “It was a music video. Listening to your music and watching you too, better than just listening to your records and way better than watching you pretend to be a doctor.”

“Wait,” Luis's hands fall from Leon's hips and he stops moving his leg when this little nugget of information distracts him. “My music video was on TV? I knew it was distributed after filming, but I don't think it was supposed to be airing on TV like this.”

“I mean, I don't think it was really supposed to be airing tonight. I was watching a fight. Guy got knocked out really early, guessing someone panicked and grabbed something random so there wouldn't just be dead air. At first it pissed me off because I wanted to watch a fight, not some random bullshit. But then that random shit was you… Can we stop talking about why you were on TV and get back to how watching you made me horny and you should fuck me?” Leon's whole demeanor suddenly shifts and he puts his head down and looks to the side. “Uh, unless you're not feeling it with me anymore. I still got a pretty face, but I know my body's a lot different than when you were first into me. And now I'm at a point where we can't really do a lot of positions and stuff you like because my stomach will get in the way. I get it if you just want to cool things off for the next few months. And… if you can't go that long, I wouldn't be mad if you started hooking up with people once in a while. As long as it's just sex and you stop when the baby's here and I'm all healed up. You're a rockstar, rockstars sleep with hot groupies, not really fair for me to say you maybe got me pregnant before becoming a rockstar so you're stuck with me forever and don't get to enjoy the full rockstar lifestyle.”

“No! Absolutely not!” Leon flinches at the sudden spike in volume and crawls off Luis's lap, sitting on the other end of the couch. He nervously kneads his fingers into his thigh and mentally reminds himself that Luis isn't like his parents or Krauser, Luis isn't yelling at him, even if Luis did get mad he'd still never hit him, willing himself to not start hyperventilating and sobbing so Luis won't feel guilty. “Sorry. I know you don't like yelling. What you said was just so outrageous to me that I couldn't help it. I may be a total slut when I have nothing tying me down, but now I have a fiancé, I want him, he's all I need. I don't need anyone else, I don't want anyone else. I don't think I could even get it up for anyone but you at this point. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that your body is the same as it was when I first fell for you, because we both know that isn't true. It is true that there's things we can't do now. But your body being different doesn't mean it's worse, I still love it. And you know that I'm a creative and stubborn guy, some positions being off the table now doesn't mean I'm just going to give up. Now if the mood is spoiled, I'm going to give you a back rub, make you a late dinner, carry you to bed… But if you're still feeling hot and bothered about your rockstar fiancé, get your pretty self back over here so we can start figuring out how I can make love to you.”

“Well, I do need carried to bed,” Leon says, stealing a glance at the clock. “Cuz Claire will be home soon, we can't just fool around out here. She'll give us shit for the rest of the lives if she walks in on us.”

[luis-serra-kennedy]

Scrap of something with no context bc I need to post something here since I kept promising...

“Luis? I want to go outside for a little bit.” “But it's cold, mi amor. There's ice. What if you slip and fall?” “I've been in a bedroom for days. I'm going stir crazy, I need some fresh air,” Great, Leon's crying now. Luis has to be getting sick of this shit, the way Leon cries any time Luis says no to him. He must be starting to suspect that Leon is just making himself cry to guilt trip him into agreeing. Luis just can't say that, because his grandfather noticed Leon's tears and started glaring at Luis. “I just, I'm sick of being cooped up.” “Hey, hey, don't cry, it's okay! Stir crazy, you need out of the house. I can figure this out. We could go see a movie?” Leon starts crying harder because Luis just isn't listening to him. He doesn't want to see a movie, if that was what he wanted he would have said so. He just wants to go for a walk, why can't Luis listen? “It gets you out of the house, but not much walking and less opportunities to slip, you'll be inside and off your feet.” “I don't want to see a fucking movie. I just wanna go for a little walk!” Luis's grandfather gives him another dirty look, noticing Leon's upset. And Leon knows he's about to get what he wants. “It's snowing, I love snow.” Some heated Spanish words Leon can't understand are exchanged… “Okay, okay,” Luis says when he finally turns back to address Leon. “We'll go outside for a little bit. But you're getting bundled up in multiple layers.” Luis is glad he caved and agreed to go outside, because it's the happiest he's seen Leon in a long time. He actually runs, and then drops to his knees to pack a snowball together. He considers throwing it at Luis, but decides that wouldn't be very fun. (There's no fucking way Luis would throw anything back at Leon currently, it's not a snowball fight if only one person is throwing them.) Instead he starts rolling it to make a snowman. He doesn't get very far before the temporary burst of energy fades. It's only the size of a soccer ball, and Leon feels too winded to see it through and make a decent sized snowman. He sighs in defeat and lays down on his back. He can find the energy to drag his limbs enough to make a snow angel at least. Luis finally joins in, having previously just stood back and grinned watching Leon frolick, and picks up where Leon left off and keeps rolling the ball for a snowman. Leon sits back up to watch, and then gets the urge to start rambling. “This is the only thing I miss about where I grew up. Parents were always annoyed by me existing and I was basically locked out of the house from sunrise until after dark. I didn't have friends that would let me come over, so shitty weather really sucked. Cold and rainy was the worst. But the cold wasn't bad when it was snowy, I'd just build little igloos, they kept me pretty warm,” Luis greatly admires the way Leon tells a story about neglectful parents who let their child be exposed to the elements and somehow it's a happy story about a fond childhood memory. “Can we come here every winter? I don't think I'd want to live here forever, no offense, LA is just home to me, but every winter, that'd be nice.”

[luis-serra-kennedy]

sorry about still not posting anything here like I keep promising. just not doing very well lately

[luis-serra-kennedy]

going to commit to posting at least a couple paragraphs of SOMETHING tomorrow, not entirely sure what but I am frothing at the mouth needing to get some sort of writing posted

[luis-serra-kennedy]

sorry for continuing to fail at getting this posted, I've just been on the struggle bus. not going to make any more specific promises since I'll inevitably fail to meet them, but I swear I'm trying and it'll get posted eventually <3

Forgot about the deleted scenes I wanted to post, but I'll get on it tomorrow and try to post at least one.

[luis-serra-kennedy]

Stupidly forgot that I have D&D today so may or may not be able to today. Definitely tomorrow.

Forgot about the deleted scenes I wanted to post, but I'll get on it tomorrow and try to post at least one.

[luis-serra-kennedy]

Forgot about the deleted scenes I wanted to post, but I'll get on it tomorrow and try to post at least one.

[luis-serra-kennedy]

Okay I’m so late to an event that I helped host BUT @grantmeserennedy Valentine’s Day dancing based on @geddy-leesbian ‘s rockstar au that ALL OF YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT 💗💗💗

[luis-serra-kennedy]

also chapter 6 will have Wesker on screen for the first time 😊