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[luvcherry]

hey, i heard you got a new blog 👀 i love your writing so much

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[luvcherry]

Hi, unfortunately I can’t support the patreon but I would like to be linked to your new blog!

Sure! Just message me off anon and I will send it to you!

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [6] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. Word Count: 6.6k.

Part Five || Fin. ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist  

Summary: Y/n's last day is marked by a realization.

Content: slight angst, slight fluff, bittersweet feeling all around.

A/N: It has been a long, long time since I've posted and I'm sorry about that. This is the last chapter for let me and subsequently my last post on this blog. I had a lot of anxiety when writing up this chapter because I didn't want it to be disappointing. I never intended for Chatroom to become a series nor did I intend to do a sequel, but everyone's support on those fics and wanting to read more kept me going. A lot of the themes of this fic were drawn from my own life, and the ending makes sense for where I stand on old relationships. Happy new year everyone.

Natasha has been thinking about Y/n all night and all day.

She thinks about what happened during and after their outing together, how Y/n will be gone soon, and how she might be feeling. Natasha did not expect Y/n to occupy such a large part of her brain after what felt like a satisfying conclusion to their open-ended relationship. She had to ask her, and answer truthfully, did she really want things to end?

There is no alternative universe where the two end up back together, she believes. It wouldn't be the healthiest thing for either of them. Yet, she finds herself saddened that they may not have any type of relationship, period. Natasha will never be awarded the prize of greatest friend on Earth, but something nags at her to just be a friend for Y/n.

Against what might be her better judgment, she picks up her phone to call Y/n. Her finger hovers over her name before colliding with the screen. She is uncharacteristically nervous; a woman hasn't made her sweat like this in years. Each ring was agonizing as it continued for what felt like forever. What if Y/n blocked her number? What if last night was it for them?

When she closed the door on Y/n last night she felt content until the sun began to set. She wished she had walked Y/n back to the university to keep her company and to spend more time with her. What they did wasn't just a hook-up for Natasha, and she doubts it was for Y/n. There was something special about the way they touched each other -- something special about how Y/n was desperate to be touched. Every moment was euphoric, but in between her existential thoughts, Natasha could not stop thinking about the particular moment where Y/n grabbed her wrist and guided it between her legs to feel how wet she was. It made Natasha gasp even though she wasn't the one with a hand brushing against her clit.

"Hello?"

"Y/n it's me."

There was a few seconds of silence between the two of them. Y/n was wondering why she was calling and Natasha was starting to wonder the same thing.

"Hi, Nat. How are you?"

"I'm good...are you not at the university?"

"No. I went in this morning and walked into a surprise going away party and then they let me take the rest of the day off. It was nice."

"It seems like they liked you. You must have charmed them well."

"Ha! Doing their dirty work? Yes. Charming them? Hell no," Y/n jokes. "But I do think I made a good impression on them. They offered for me to company and with, quote, 'better accommodations'. I think they're trying to entice me to stay."

Y/n spoke to her with ease, taking Natasha by complete surprise. There was no shakiness in her voice or any awkwardness from her. Usually it was Natasha speaking with confidence and leading their conversation. However, this change is nice (even if it's mostly caused by Natasha thinking about how she heard that voice moaning her name about 24 hours ago).

"I'm sorry...I'm rambling," she says sheepishly as she comes back to reality.

"No, it's okay. I was just calling to see...to see if you wanted to do something today?"

Natasha didn't mean for her words to come out so shaky like she was a scared child, but it feels like a lot of pressure is on her. For one she feels like she owes it to Y/n, but she's afraid that Y/n will say no. She's well within her right to say no, but that doesn't mean it would make it easier for Natasha.

"Okay, sure. What did you have in mind?"

Natasha felt a mini panic set in. She was preparing to hear a disappointing 'no' come from the other side of the phone, but here Y/n was saying yes. She indeed wanted to spend her last day in the city with Natasha. She wracked her brain for things the three of them could do together. There is no way she would be able to take a five year old to one of her favorite restaurants. As long as she has been friends with Wanda and been around her kids, she doesn't really know where kids like to go to have fun. The park seems a little bit too boring for a last day treat. 

"How about the zoo?" She rushes out.

 Does Natasha like the zoo? No. She hates the smell and how it's always crowded. It's a gorgeous Saturday morning that it almost feels like Summer is here, so of course she doesn't want to be at the zoo. However, she's not immune to doing something she doesn't like for someone she does like. Plus she remembers how Kennedy has that stuffed giraffe; maybe she would enjoy seeing one in the flesh.

"The Zoo? Kennedy's never been," Y/n sounds like she's contemplating whether it's a good idea or not. By all means, if she wanted to say then Y/n would be more than welcome to. Natasha could just take them to the much calmer river-side of the city. "Hold on, let me ask her."

Y/n steps away from the phone leaving Natasha to simmer in the silence. Her mind fills with doom scenarios in those moments alone. What if Y/n has a change of heart and doesn't want to see her on her very last day? Natasha would be devastated. It hasn't sunk in that she may not see Y/n again for months, years, or even ever again. They haven't exchanged any form of social media yet. All she has is her phone number that Natasha will be too cowardly to call.

"She wants to go! What time do you want to meet up?"

The sense of relief that washes over her almost disgusts Natasha. She's excited to go to the zoo for the first time in her life.

"Great...want me to pick you up?"

"Isn't the zoo going west? You would just be going backwards so we can meet you there."

"Okay. So 11?"

"11 sounds like a plan."

---

Kennedy was ready to drag Y/n through the entrance of the zoo. Y/n had to keep reminding her that they had to wait for Natasha to arrive.

Y/n wondered what made Nat want to do this. She's been extremely kind on this trip, but going to the zoo doesn't seem like her thing. Compromise is maybe a component of the current Natasha. Y/n tries to play it cool when she spots Natasha walking her way. The last time she saw her was when she was between her legs...

"Did I keep you waiting?"

"You kept this one waiting," Y/n gestures to Kennedy, "but five year olds aren't known for patience."

Natasha feels like a stranger with them. Yesterday really threw her for a loop for some reason. She feels unlike herself and hopes Y/n doesn't notice.

"We should go inside now, shouldn't we? Before she throws a fit."

The zoo was just as expected: loud and crowded. It was full of families pushing strollers and fathers holding tiny kids on their shoulders. Kennedy grasps onto Y/n's hand so she doesn't get lost and in-turn Y/n holds onto Natasha's hand to keep her close. She doesn't want to think about it, but Natasha can't stop looking at their hands currently melded together.

"Where should we start?"

Y/n turns to Natasha for her guidance. This was her idea, so she must be familiar with this place, right? It was so much bigger than anywhere Kennedy has ever been before and Y/n doesn't want to overwhelm her. Natasha could see it all written all over Y/n's face; a hidden concern that resides within most parents.

"We could try to find the giraffes," she suggested. An idea that is popular with the child with them.

Y/n was really relying on Natasha, self-proclaimed zoo hater, to guide them through this thing. If there was one thing that was consistent about Y/n through all these years, it's that she finds crowds unnerving. It felt like an instinct to cling to Natasha, the older one who has always been bold no matter what. Their hands are still locked together. Natasha takes advantage of that and leads them onto the zoo's path without saying a word.

Away from the main entrance, the crowd gradually thinned out. Y/n feels like she can breathe again. Natasha herself feels a sense of relief at seeing Y/n relax. The sunlight cast on the trees above caused soft shadows to fall over them. The path of trees brought over a sense of tranquility. Natasha glances over at the two and can't help but think about how beautiful Y/n looks. It made her forget about how much she really dislike this place.

They ease into a leisure pace as they come upon the first few animals on their path. Kennedy was insistent on being the smartest among them and correctly naming every animal before either Y/n or Natasha could. She was a smart kid, naming over half of the animals correctly, but everyone she didn't know was an "annie lope." Y/n would giggle at her silly answer and walk her closer to the dens to read the info cards. She would tell her the correct name, what class of animal they are, and their home of origin. When she was crouched down next to Kennedy like that, it was like they were the only people to exist. Natasha can't help but feel her heart squeeze from two emotions; hope and grief

If her parents had ever done something like this with her when she was young, she certainly doesn't remember. She would remember the warm, unique embrace that can only come from someone who loves you that much. Watching it happen in front of her eyes almost makes her feel like she shouldn't be here with them. She and Y/n's live completely different lives, they always have. Lives that were never meant to fit.

Y/n turns her head and looks at Natasha before gesturing for her to come over with a tilt of her head. Natasha's feet move for themselves and she joins Y/n and Kennedy to become three. Every fiber of her being is telling her to run away; she doesn't "belong."

Kennedy is too young to notice the stiffness in Natasha's body. Instead she begins to list off the facts of the red kangaroos before them as if she had discovered the information herself. The innocent fascination reminded her of everything unobtainable in her life. But, the last thing she wanted to do was ruin the mood.

It soon came time for them to move forward as Kennedy reminded them of their true mission of finding the giraffes.

Y/n let Kennedy keep a tiny bit of distance between them. She wanted to give her that sense of space and freedom she never had, but she kept her eyes directly on her. The distance did allow for Y/n and Natasha to have a moment for themselves. Y/n was too nervous to take it, but Natasha seemed eager to.

"Did you enjoy your trip?"

Y/n takes her eyes off of Kennedy for a split second to look over at Natasha.

"I did," her answer was short and to the point. The awkward dinner and tension aside, this trip wasn't so bad.

When her eyes land back on Kennedy, she finds the comfort to be more vulnerable with Natasha.

"I don't know if I'll come back though."

"Why?" Natasha asks rather quickly. She would hate to be the reason Y/n doesn't want to step foot in this city ever again. Yet, at the same time, she wouldn't blame her. "You didn't enjoy the university?"

"No, that's not it," Y/n sighs. She'll be damned if she talks about her personal life within earshot of Kennedy, so she keeps the topic on her career. "I just have a lot of conflicting feelings after these two weeks.

"Like what?"

"My current career if I'm being honest."

Despite nearly a decade apart, Natasah still understands her. She can hear in Y/n's voice that she's not truly happy, and that she’s confused. Y/n tries to let experience give her the insight she needs but always seems to come out even more confused. She's never truly asking herself the right questions.

"I don't know if I want to do this anymore, and that's so scary. The amount of time and money put into getting me here would all be wasted...it makes me feel shameful even thinking like that."

"Did you think you would love this forever?"

Her question sounds more brutal than she intended it to, but Natasha is curious. And that sincerity in wanting to understand her beyond the surface almost made Y/n give her an answer. She can't bring herself to do it though.

"I can't give you the answer that will solve everything, but one thing my boss told me-"

"The world famous Mr. Stark" Y/n jokingly mocks.

"Yea -- that one," she jokes with her before continuing. "When I was hired by Stark Industries, two other people were hired in with me. One was alright, she works in another department these days, but the other was brilliant. His resume was stacked and he was fresh out of the Ivys. To make a long story short, he didn't even last a year. It's not an easy job, but if you never wanted to be there from the start then the burnout will eat you alive -- and quickly. Tony told us that this job doesn't have to be our life's passion, but we simply have to want to be there. He would say something like 'even the brightest minds dim under an unwilling heart'," Natasha recounts.

It wasn't anything groundbreaking, but it made a lot of sense to Y/n. No one has ever reminded her about that reality. College was an escape from her parents and she picked the first thing that sounded interesting to major in. She wasn't particularly passionate about anything besides finding freedom. Now that life has caught up with her, it's settling in that she has never been living for herself even when she was out of her parent's reach.

"But there was also a time where I absolutely hated my job. It's normal! It's normal, Y/n."

It felt easy to talk to Natasha, something Y/n didn' think she would ever feel again. She remembers those years ago when she would confide into her about her life growing up. That was a time where she felt complete trust in her. That trust was broken years ago, yet she's not hung up on being vulnerable with her. It even felt right doing so.

"I guess you're right. I just worry because this job is really all I have. I could teach, but I don't really see myself teaching," she admits.

Maybe Natasha wasn't the right person to receive career advice from (or at least that's how Natasha felt) because her career is all she has too. Hearing Y/n worry about that while it's a comfort for her that reminds how they're always opposite.

"We're close!" Kennedy's voice interrupts their fading conversation. She points at the sign indicating their close arrival to the giraffe den. Y/n moves her attention back to Kennedy. All NAtasha feels like she can is watch. She watches as Y/n takes the young girl's hand and how she uses all of her might to pull Y/n faster towards the giraffes. "Faster!" She cries out as if the giraffes will disappear any second now. Y/n laughs before telling her there's no rush. It was surreal to see Y/n parent her.

The trip climaxes for little Kennedy when she catches a glimpse of her first real-life giraffe. She can see its head, but nothing else. Groups of people stand along the rail making it impossible for her to get closer. She looks up at Y/n with a desperate look in her eyes. She reaches up at Y/n and jumps up and down. She whines without a single tear falling from her eyes. The usually composed child acting as if she's a toddler again.

"I got her," Nataasha says without a second thought.

If Y/n was shocked then Natasha was absolutely dumbstruck by her own action. She checks back into reality when she has Kennedy in her arms. She was smaller than Natasha realized. She handled her like precious cargo as she lifted her high. "I'm going to sit you on my shoulders, okay?" Kennedy nods even though Natasha can't see her. She has never done this before so she was scared, so she held on tightly. Y/n stood nearby in case she got too scared. Her short legs dangle over Natasha's shoulders as she grabs onto her head. She was fucking up her hair, but Natasha didn't care.

"Can you see them?" She asks, hoping her efforts weren't in vain.

"I can! I can see a baby!"

Y/n couldn't concentrate on the animals in front of her. Her eyes were glued to the figures of Kennedy and Natasha. She was still shocked by her ex-girlfriend's actions. She was frozen in place. No matter how nervous she knows Natasha is, she looks like a natural at this. Kennedy hasn't been personally around that many adults in her life, let alone someone from Y/n's personal life. Y/n was watching her two worlds collide in front of her; the old and the new. It stings herself of years past that this unspoken moment with Natasha is what makes her feel the normalness she has seeked her entire life. Life has the most bitter ways of teaching it lessons.

---------

It was nearing 4 o'clock when they reached the end of the exhibit. Kennedy, of course, wanted some sort of souvenir to take home. There were gift shops filled with all kinds of things to buy, but she went straight to the stuffed animals. Another giraffe seemed like overkill to Y/n who tried to talk her into getting another stuffed animal which was a failure. Kennedy was unsurprisingly insistent on getting a "brother" for her beloved giraffe. Y/n lost the little battle once Natasha chimed in and sided with Kennedy, reminding them both that "everyone needs family."

No one in the city was happier than Kennedy that day. Her excitement wore her out, and it showed in the way she dragged her feet. Y/n took her into her arms for the lengthy walk back to the car. She ended up being lulled to sleep. Natasha walked them back to their car. She wanted to say something, but didn't want to wake a 5-year-old.

"This is us," Y/n announces softly before coming to a stop. "Can you hold this real quick?" Y/n gestures to her tote bag.

"I told you you should've let me carry it on our way back," she pokes before swiftly taking it off her shoulder.

Y/n puts Kennedy in her car seat, moving gently not to rouse her awake. She has alone this what feels like a million times over yet she's always anxious about it. Yet, she skillfully places her in her car seat and buckles her in without an issue. Natasha has been in awe all day by the sweetness with which Y/n cares for Kennedy. She was once a super shy, naive 19-year-old.

"Thank you," she grabs the tote from her, "for holding that and for today."

"It was nothing...just wanted to make sure your last day was fun."

"Well it was something. Kennedy surely enjoyed it, but she wore me out. We don't go out much back at home, so this was surely a treat for her."

"But did you enjoy it too?"

Natasah was growing beyond the point of caring if she sounded desperate. Today had been sentimental for her. She wanted today to have been just as good for Y/n as it was for her.

"Yea...yea it was. I realized I don't really like the zoo, but I do love seeing Kennedy have fun. So it was worth it for her."

Natasha felt a sense of relief at Y/n's admission. She hated that place too. However she agrees with Y/n, it was worth it to see Kennedy happy.

"She really enjoyed being with you," she continues. "I was shocked -- not because it's you or anything -- Kennedy isn't used to being around new people. She can get really shy, but she was comfortable with you."

"I'm happy to have the Kennedy stamp of approval."

Y/n holds an appreciative smile on her face, but she feels stuck. She doesn't want this day to end. She doesn't want to get on that flight tomorrow and head back to her quiet life. It would be painful to admit that out loud. She's enjoyed many moments with Natasha on this trip just as much as she didn't want to be around her. Her name and face are a reminder of such a good and dark time of her life. For the first time since early this morning, she imagines her between her thighs again. She felt a bliss that almost seemed to be never ending, but she'll be gone tomorrow.

"We should probably get going," she blurts out, which she instantly regrets. She's desperate to just stay in her presence for a moment longer, but her heart is beating too fast.

She regrets what she said when she sees her face fall. Natasha didn't want their day to end at what feels too early, but both are too cowardly to admit.

"Right...right. You probably have a lot to do."

She doesn't.

It feels impossible to look Natasha in the eyes. Y/n knows she'll go weak in the knees if she looks at her again. She's too oblivious to notice how close they're getting. She doesn't look up until Natasha makes her. Her thumb begins to stroke her skin.

"I hate how you're always so shy around me. I'm not scary."

Her words burn in her brain as Y/n leans in to kiss her. Her entire body feels like it's on fire as she just stands there while they kiss. She reckons she's already kissing her back, but she isn't aware of her temporary paralysis until her lips move with Natasha's. How a kiss in public feels more scandalous than Natasha's mouth on Y/n's body is beyond her.

---------------------

Natasha was at the age where she didn't quite know how to comfort Yelena.

When her younger sister was just a baby she would stand over her crib and try to quiet her cries by shushing her. It didn't help at all, and Natasha felt like she was doomed with the inability to care for her little sister.

"What happened, Yelena?"

Her little sister looks up at her with big eyes; eyes too beautiful to be red and filled with tears.

"I-I got hurt."

Yelena wasn't supposed to be outside. Natasha was with her friends from the neighborhood when she heard Yelena's familiar cry. Yelena was too young to be outside by herself, but old enough to be able to escape the house. Nat freaked when she saw her sitting on the steps to their house and subsequently the scrape on her knee; gushing and bright red. Yes, Yelena wasn't supposed to be outside, but Natasha knows she's responsible for her sister whenever her parents aren't around. It didn't matter that she had snuck outside to find her older sister to play with it. What matters is that Yelena is hurt.

"Stay here, okay?"

Yelena is afraid to be alone again, but she nods her head, trusting Natasha wholly. Natasha feels shitty for letting this happen even if it wasn't her fault. She could've stayed in with her and seen her friends another day. Though the idea of 'another day' was scarce, it didn't matter.

She hurries to find the antiseptic and band aids in the medicine closet. She didn't want to leave Yelena alone for too long in a paranoid fear that she would somehow get hurt again.

The tears had stopped by the time Nat came back, but she still feels bad seeing Yelena's red face. She kneels in front of her and begins to tend to her wound.

"Be still, okay?"

Natasha felt like her words were warning enough to brace Yelena for the sting. However once the alcohol meets the wound, she begins wincing in pain.

"I said be still!"

"But it hurts!"

Natasha sighs in frustration, but she tries not to show it. Yelena is too young to withstand pain like she is able to. She's annoyed that Yelena won't stop wincing as she tries to clean her up. Annoyed that this only happened because of Yelena's persistence to be around her big sister. The love and admiration that fills in her little sister's eyes annoy Natasha. She wishes she could do more to take away Yelena's pain, both physically and more. She feels useless even as she places the band-aid over her skin to begin the healing process on her wound.

"All better?" Yelena asks with a shaky voice.

"All better, kid. Now go back in the house before mom and dad find you out here."

Despite being sent inside, there was a big smile on Yelena's face. That's all she wanted. Natasha found that she couldn't stay out for too much longer. Not because it was getting late, but because Yelena needed someone, and she was that only someone.

------------

"If you did it the first time, you can do it one more time, okay? There is nothing to be afraid of. I promise!"

Y/n was confused as to why Kennedy decided at 6am that morning that she's afraid of airplanes.

She remembers how excited she was at the airport in Arizona to get on a plane for the first time. It was Y/n who was on the verge of a breakdown when it came time to board their plane. The switch over two weeks is what's confusing her, but she finds that it's futile to try to question the mind of a 5 year-old.

"Don't you miss Ms. Bridgette and all of your friends at school?"

"Y-Yes...I'm just scared," she says with a pout.

Y/n feels like her worries about pulling Kennedy out of her usual environment too early may have messed her up. She had gotten used to this hotel room and now she has to leave.

"It's okay to be nervous and scared, Kennedy," Y/n grabs onto her hands knowing that it brings her comfort. "I get scared too, but I think about everything that makes me happy to feel better."

If Y/n were to name everything that makes her happy, the list would not be that long. Leaving her and Kennedy's home for the first time in a very long time made her realize how quiet and mundane her life is. She takes Kennedy to kindergarten, goes to work, picks Kennedy up, and they come home. Here it feels like they have unlimited options for everything: food, fun, and opportunities. Maybe the reason for Kennedy's fit was her reaction to the vacation ending. She can't really blame her for that, she found herself feeling sad about it too.

Natasha would be here in about 30 minutes. She wants Kennedy to settle before she comes to get them. Y/n was more nervous about seeing her again than for the flight home. She feels some sort of regret for agreeing to let her take them to the airport. She wanted to use the excuse that she couldn’t drive her rental, but she simply agreed to let her do it. "It's the least I could do" she kept telling her, and that seemed to be the sentiment she has held her entire stay.

She grew anxious as the time ticked away for the two to check out of the hotel and for Natasha to pick them up. She was going to drive herself crazy by continuously checking her phone for the time or to see if she had reached out to her. Y/n’s anxiety was more palpable than she would have liked to admit. Kennedy could sense it and clung to Y/n as she checked every single corner of their hotel to make sure they had packed everything.

How would their final goodbye go?

If anything, Y/n was more scared of some big epiphany hitting her seconds before boarding the plane. A deep part of her accepted this trip to receive some closure, but what closure was becoming blurry. Would she maintain some sort of contact or even friendship with Natasha? She likes the person she has become, she thinks. She seems like she’s trying her best to not be the pompous bastard she was in her 20s. It seems like she’s trying to be more considerate but it’s funny to Y/n because it’s a little too late. All she wanted for years was an apology, and indirectly her acceptance. Yet she can’t shake the feeling that accepting ‘the least she could do’ means she’ll always be dependent on her.

Y/n’s phone starts going off which breaks the daze she was in. It was Natasha calling her.

“I’ll be down in a minute. We’re gonna check out.”

She hangs up the phone without letting her get a word in. She doesn’t mean to be so rude, but her own anxiety and Kennedy’s fit this morning has her on edge.

“You ready?”

The child was hesitant but nodded her head and grabbed onto Y/n’s hand.

It feels as if the whole hotel is checking out today as Y/n navigates her way through the lobby with Kennedy. Natasha was there waiting for them, something Y/n didn’t ask her to do, but something she felt was necessary.

“Do you need me to grab anything?”

“Yeah, can you grab my suitcase?”

She was there every step of the way to help them. Y/n didn’t calm down until her back hit the passenger seat of the rental. She stared out the window, looking at the skyscrapers in a similar fashion to Kennedy when they first arrived in the city. Every building and all the people in them make her feel so small, but in a way that comforts her.

“I hope you enjoyed your trip,” Natasha interjects into the silence. She notices how quiet Y/n is and it’s sort of bothering her. She knows she is likely the reason for the prolonged silence, but she knows things don’t have to be this way.

“I think I did. At least I hope I did too. I feel like it’s made me more confused than ever before,” she admits. Y/n is hesitant to delve into the details with Kennedy in the backseat. However when she looks back to check on her she sees that she’s dozing off. It’s going to take some time to get to the airport with the traffic, so it’s no surprise that she’s out before they even arrive. Seeing her sleeping, relaxed face feels like a weight lifted off of Y/n’s shoulder. They were getting on that plane regardless, but she wanted to do it without a major public breakdown.

“Do you think you might come back?”

Y/n turns forward again, her eyes lingering over the side of Natasha’s face in the process. She could never, ever read her. It’s the pangs of the past that make a part of her wonder if she’s being sincere or if he’s just waiting for her moment to make a power play. However, it seems like she’s the only one who understands what she has to say.

“I don’t know. It’s definitely an exciting feeling being here, but I assume it gets boring if you visit a lot or live here. I liked the university, but I’m not sure if I would fit in.”

“You don’t think you fit in anywhere though, Y/n.”

She doesn’t intend to come off as harsh, and luckily for her Y/n doesn’t take it that way.

“I know, that’s the problem. It feels like something is wrong with me even though I’m able to function in “normal” society with everyone else. Still, that’s not enough to make me feel stable or like I know myself.”

“If I can be frank with you, you’ve got to stop worrying about old shit. It’s written all over your face. I know it’s easier said than done, but I say this to try to get through to you. What keeps you up at night is not going to matter when you wake up in the morning. Not your parents, not whatever happened in college, and not me. You’re too young and too pretty to be worrying about all of that.”

Y/n feels her face growing hot from Natasha’s words. The mentions of her college years and indirectly their relationship. And the fact that she called her pretty. Since she took responsibility for Kennedy she finds that she thinks less and less about herself and her appearance. It’s a nice break from those insecurity, but much of what Natasha says rings true. She has too much time ahead of her to worry about a failed college relationship. When she thinks about the people she knew in college, she remembers fondly how they had a handful of their own failed relationships. Y/n is not alone in her lack of successful relationships no matter how isolating it feels. Natasha herself doesn’t have anyone romantic in her life and that’s probably due to her own hang-ups. Y/n, never being the one to pry, wonders what goes on in that head of hers.

“I guess I should get over it, and you, shouldn’t I?” Y/n doesn’t believe the words that’s coming out of her own mouth, but it feels like a victory. She always fantasized about giving Natasha a piece of her mind for breaking her heart like that.

Natasha swallows hard, not knowing what to say next. She wants Y/n to get over whatever is holding her back, but she doesn’t want to say it in a way that will make the situation go left. She’s surprised that they’ve even gotten this far in this particular topic without someone getting riled up.

“If there is still any part of you that likes me as Natasha your friend, can you promise me that you’ll get out of your own head?”

“If you do the same, then yes.”

There is unspeakable code between two people who share similar traumas. There is an understanding that you can either come out feeling like you appear unscathed or you feel like you’re completely marred and everyone sees it. There is struggle every step of the way. Y/n and Natasha's restricting and uncertain upbringings turned them into anxiety-ridden adults always worried about what's going to happen next; they just show it in two different ways. Natasha is not as tightly wound as Y/n is. Her anxiety is concealed by her workaholic nature; busying herself as a distraction. Natasha took advantage of that, she knows it, and she will be sorry for it for what feels like forever.

They have these conversations where they, admittedly mostly Y/n, skirt around the direct topic of their relationship, name the difference in age and maturity. She’s always felt so young and naive that it felt natural assuming that role in the relationship. She’s gonna be 30 in a few years and she doesn’t want her life to be marked by this naivety. She’s not a little girl being held hostage by her overzealous parents. She’s free to do what she wants.

“We could both treat ourselves a little better, couldn’t we? You’re trying to work your problems away and I don’t leave the house to avoid them.”

“We’re both dysfunctional.”

“We’re both dysfunctional.”

There’s a quiet lull the rest of the way to the airport. Y/n may have not gotten every little thing off of her chest, but she knows Natasha can read between the lines of their own secret language.

Y/n feels like she’s in a movie where one little trip, two weeks out of her comfort zone, has changed her. She knows it’s a change and she’s hoping it’s for the better. Natasha will always be the first person who broke her heart, but she will also be the person who made her feel as comfortable as possible here. Kennedy seemed to like her too.

Airports are consistently busy. There were just as many people dropping off cars and piling onto the shuttles to head back to the airport. Natasha was able to squeeze her way onto one with them much to Y/n’s objection.

“How are you going to get back to your car?” She had parked in the parking lot of the bank next to her hotel. There were so many steps for her to take simply just to do this that it felt like a big inconvenience for her.

“If you saw my uber history to and from the airport, you might pass out.”

Natasha’s insistence to be there every step of the way was still slightly baffling for Y/n, but she appreciates it. For a moment it feels as if they’re operating as a unit: Natasha, Y/n, and Kennedy. It felt that way yesterday at the zoo too, but she didn’t want to think about it then.

They make it to the airport and quickly to the departures’ terminal. This is where it ends for the two of them.

“Well, this is us.”

“This is you.”

Natasha is tempted to walk them inside to the point where she can't go any further with them, but she doesn’t make that suggestion.

“I’m going to miss you, okay?” She admits.

It’s a little shocking to Y/n that he’s showing this kind of emotion when she feels like they hadn’t done that much together over the course of her trip. But about 80 percent of their time together was enjoyable. Y/n enjoyed the second dinner, the trip to the couch, and yesterday’s day at the zoo. It was lovely to do something with someone she felt understood even if she wanted to hate her. She can’t hate her, especially not when she looks at her face. Her features had softened over their years and there are obvious signs of aging that Y/n finds attractive. A part of her wishes this fresh start between them could continue and Natasha could come with her, but life doesn’t work that way and she can accept that this time around.

“I’ll…I’ll miss you too Nat. Maybe I will come back to visit, who knows. Maybe Kennedy will drag me back to that little weird café. Who knows.”

Natasha would be damned if she let their goodbye be any more awkward than their first meeting in years. She grabbed Y/n and wrapped her arms around her. Y/n was stiff in her arms until she felt her relax. Y/n inhaled her scent, something she had never forgotten even years later.

The two of them feel a little arm wrap around the legs and look down to see Kennedy hugging them both. She hates to be left out and joined in on a moment she doesn’t quite understand. To those around them they probably look like something they are not; a family. How other people perceive them, and her, doesn’t seem to matter that much to Y/n anymore. She’s happy. Happier she’s been in a long time. She feels soft lips press against her cheek before one last tight squeeze. Neither want to let go, but it’s important that they do.

“Will I see you again, Y/n?”

The desperation in her voice was hard to ignore. Y/n sort of liked that.

“Maybe, Nat.”

[luvcherry]

Hey. I can’t support the patreon but I liked to be linked to your new blog.

Message me off anon and I will send you the blog name ♥️

[luvcherry]

Hi, will you be going to finish Let Me In? 'Cuz like I'm dying...😭

Yes! I’ve been working on chapter 6 for a bit but I’m honestly stuck on if I’ll stop at 7 chapters or just extend the story to 10 chapters. I’m honestly not sure where I want Natasha and Reader’s relationship (or lack thereof) to end up 😫

[luvcherry]

Unfortunately, I can’t support you on patreon but I’d love to keep on following your amazing work!

No problem! If you're comfortable then you can message me privately and I'll send you a link to my new blog :)

[luvcherry]

hello first I want to tell you that I love your chatroom series. This is probably my favorite story but like really. when I feel bad I go back to read your story so much I'm a fan

but I just wanted to ask you if you have an ao3 account? 💗

Yes! My AO3 account is dotwillow

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [5] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. Word Count: 8.9k.

Part Four || Part Six ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist  

Summary: After last night and a morning mix up, Y/n calls up the only person in the city she knows.

Content: slight angst, mentions of past relationship, smut (oral sex).

A/N: Started this chapter some time ago and just now finished it so if there are any continuity errors please let me know! There will be two more chapters after this. Enjoy!

minors, ageless blogs, and blank blogs will be blocked.

Too much sunlight had filled Y/n's hotel room for her liking. Her head was hurting and last night was a bit hazy despite not drinking. She struggled to sleep last night after it took some time to put Kennedy down for the night. The five year old was bothered by the fact that she was at the daycare center later than normal, complaining that Y/n had "forgotten" about her.

She groans as she rolls over in bed, not wanting to open her eyes because the light is too overbearing. She doesn't remember every single detail about last night, but then it comes back to her that she kissed Natasha and she felt a sense of shame. She doesn't understand why she did that, particularly in that moment too.

"Y/n?"

Kennedy's voice was small, but it was just enough for Y/n to hear.

"Yes?" Her voice was just as small and scratchy.

"Is it Saturday? Can we go to the zoo?"

Confusion set in by Kennedy's request. Finally she opened her eyes and she came face to face with the analog clock on the nightstand and it was 40 minutes into her day.

"Shit!"

How she overslept so late, she doesn't understand, but she goes into flight mode as she rushes Kennedy and herself to get ready. Kennedy must've thought it was the weekend because Y/n didn't wake her up at the usual 6am. Y/n felt awful for having to rush her out the door, promising to find a park to take her to if the nice weather persists throughout the day. She also felt bad for driving like a crazy person to the university.

She felt like a complete fuck-up. She goes out for one night, doesn't even drink, yet makes stupid decisions. A part of her almost wishes that she was indeed drunk last night so that way it would be easier to explain her actions. In the back of her mind is that kiss she shared with Natasha. It wasn't particularly passionate, nor did it last that long, but it was a poignant moment -- a moment that left her flustered and embarrassed. She had no time to check her phone until after she dropped Kennedy off at the daycare center, but the only text she had received was from her supervisor Prisha and another from Peter. Anxiety prevented her from opening them. She was 30 minutes late into a very important day. Not only did she want to get in early to prepare for tomorrow's lab assignment, she had a very important seminar to attend. Her colleagues kept talking about it last night at the bar (said event being the reason they needed to "de-stress" by drinking pricey alcohol). Stumbling in late was the last thing she wanted to do, but with it being further from the daycare than the building she usually works in, she realized she had no choice.

Y/n was nearly tripping over her feet trying not to start running to make it before being way too late. A few students looked at her funny as she zoomed past them; even as a full adult she still gets nervous around college-aged students. For a passing moment she wonders what they think of her. She's certain she looks a mess and she feels like one too. Y/n is always under the assumption that everyone else has their life together more than her, even if they're a college student surviving on freezer burnt waffles and a few-days-old carryout. The one thing she was always on top of thought was her job. Waking up late and missing work is not in her character. She hates to admit that last night really tripped her up. She struggled to sleep which led to this disaster.

When the building is finally in sight, Y/n feels a sense of relief. She would only have 15 minutes to prepare for tomorrow's assignment instead of the hour that she desperately needed. She wanted to look on top of things, but instead she looks clumsy. 15 minutes and she'll have to be at the seminar, completely unprepared if she's asked to speak on any of the work she's been doing with this team for the last week. She wanted to go back to the hotel last night and drone over her notes, but she let herself be easily swayed. She's always been so persuadable -- that's what landed her in situations where she gets her feelings hurt. If only she could be more steadfast during the times where it really matters.

For an important seminar to be occurring within minutes, the inside of the building is a little too quiet. Y/n was confused by the lack of people roaming around, but then it hit her that everyone is probably already inside the lecture hall where it's being held. Her body runs cold, goosebumps forming in the face of anxiety. It's the small moments like this that take her back to her childhood; moments that were ostracizing and damning.

She walks up the door to the lecture hall and pulls at the handle. She expected to walk in and have everyone's eyes dart towards her for being the last one to arrive. What she got instead was the door resisting her attempt to pull on it. She furrows her brow in confusion, but tries again -- the door still doesn't budge. Would they lock latecomers out? That doesn't sound right to her so she peers inside and sees absolutely no one through the thick tinted glass. This was the right room, 'M110'; she was sure of it. But, in fear of being wrong and even more late, she finally opens her phone to check her email.

Peter

'Hey, we're going to get lunch since the meeting is canceled. Wanna come with?'

Was he trying to trick her?

Peter wasn't a particularly nefarious person, but he was a little selfish and Y/n wouldn't put it past him to lie to her just so they could spend time together -- even if that meant missing an important meeting. However, once she saw the next text, she knew he wasn't joking.

Prisha

'Good morning Y/n! The seminar had to be canceled at the last minute. Apparently professor Blacksmith has "food poisoning." The seminar has been rescheduled for May 12th, so unfortunately you won't be here for it, but I would always be happy to forward you the notes. Take care!'

Y/n could feel her annoyance through text, however Y/n has never been more relieved. The shock of this morning had finally caught up to her and she was finally processing how hectic everything was. She lets out a laugh in disbelief. She felt like an idiot, and probably looked like one, but it didn't matter because she was relieved.

Whether someone's last minute food poisoning was true or not, she was happy. She had not expected to have a free day in the middle of the week. Usually she would have Kennedy alongside her on her free days, but that doesn't have to be the case today. Would the little girl be pissed that Y/n had a "fun day" without her? Maybe, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Y/n can't remember the last time she had a full day to herself; no work, no Kennedy, and no problems. She loves her job, and loves Kennedy to no end, but a day to herself is something that sounds so foreign to her that she made the impulse to do it. She left the building with a smile on her face. Once again she probably looked like an idiot, but a happy one.

-

There were a lot of places in the city that Y/n never knew existed. Underground restaurants, book cellars, and a museum for obscure German artists. She looked at everything in awe, like a young girl like Kennedy would, as she walked down the street with nothing but her work bag slung over her shoulder. There was so much that it was excitedly overwhelming. She wondered why Natasha had never taken her to any of these places.

Natasha.

After this morning's fiasco, everything she feels about last night feels so trivial. Y/n is someone with a job -- a career really -- and a kid to look after. Acting like she's still some lovestruck college kid makes her feel childish.

While she wants to learn to have thoughts independent from others influence, that is only she has decided in this moment. It's taking her everything not to wonder if Natasha feels stupid just like her. She also wishes she could allow herself to wonder if Natasha thinks about her different. Did she kiss her to show that she still likes her? Was she just bored and liked the drama of this?

When she realizes that her mind is starting to focus on Natasha's feelings instead of her own, she shakes her head as if it will get all of those thoughts out. She doesn't want to care about what Natasha thinks because it would not help her either way. Yet her declaration of becoming emotionally independent is still premature, which is why she caves in seconds and texts her ex-girlfriend.

Y/n: 'Hey sorry this is so last minute, but are you free?'

Surprisingly, she received a text right back.

'Natasha: Just now taking my lunch. Why? Is everything okay?'

'Y/n: Yeah just wanted to talk about some things'

Their relationship has been discussed many times amongst each other, friends, and whoever would listen. Y/n remembers telling her neighbor's dog about it when she was dog sitting. She would never admit that to anyone, but she had temporarily felt better after it. By that time, she was able to tell the story like a pro. She had almost felt like an actress performing the lines of a play that she has been the star of for more than two years. The foundation of the story was there, and the timeline, but each retelling she would add flair to it. Whether it was a minor detail or her interjecting how she realized something was fucked up and should've known it back then. Her two best friends in college heard the story countless times, and Y/n is sure that if Peter wasn't such a horny freak she would be telling him the story too. The retelling of this story gets dizzying, and Y/n doesn't want it to define her anymore.

She can be normal. She can be around her ex and not harbor any bad feelings towards them. They used to tease her about it, but Y/n grew to admire how Amy could move on from men she dealt with. She wouldn't budge when Y/n pressed her to tell her who Kennedy's father was and to make him be present in her life. She seemed so indifferent about her bad relationships that it put things into perspective for Y/n. Everything that had happened in those years after the end of her first relationship seemed so trivial in comparison. Cutting her family off for good, the unintentional ending of a relationship, death of a friend, and becoming someone's parent were all so massive. Y/n has never had a second to grieve or to process. It's much easier to think about a relationship that was fated to end badly instead of the real world things she had to deal with. It's comforting to think about what is less painful even if it still brings pain.

Y/n thought about turning around when she got to Natasha's building. She's sure the guy at the desk is used to seeing her now, but she's not a regular. She has no idea why she's reaching out to see Natasha, but she won't think too hard about it. She sees this as a moment to herself even though she won't be alone.

"I was kind of surprised when I got a text from you," Natasha says as she welcomes her into her apartment. She is uncharacteristically nervous. She knows last night was an awkward moment for the both of them, and she probably shouldn't have let it happen, but she can't undo time. Y/n doesn't look upset so she can be relieved that she's not going to get chewed out. Still she's dying to know what brings her over here.

"I guess we're both full of surprises."

Y/n had confidence in her as she walked her way to Natasha's apartment, also surprised by herself, but now it had waned a little. She had to make it look like she wasn't here out of desperation. She is just here because Natasha is the only person she knows.

"You can make yourself comfortable on the couch. I'm supposed to be back in 45 minutes, but I can always take an extended lunch."

Y/n watches Natasha unbutton the top two buttons of her blouse. She felt like she was peeking in on an intimate moment and quickly pulled her eyes away. She felt her cheeks warm up when she thinks about how attractive it was. She's always liked how powerful and important Natasha seems. Sure, she works for people with blue Wikipedia names, but she is important too. Maybe it was some repressed fantasy of hers, but she's embarrassingly turned out. She tries to hide her face as if Natasha would be able to read her thoughts or something like that. Y/n can't stop thinking about what it would be like to have someone come home to her every weekday; to watch them unwind and come to her for comfort. She fantasize a lot over the years, and this time she won't stop herself from indulging a little.

"I'm surprised you don't make your own hours," Y/n jokes in an attempt to hide that she's feeling a little bit outside of herself. She isn't quite turned on because she's still worried that this "outing" might turn into a disaster.

"Oh make no mistake, I definitely do," Natasha then puts down her work briefcase. Sometimes she feels like an asshole when talking about her job, but she also likes showing out too. "I just wouldn't be able to function without a set schedule. I don't want my life to be a free-for-all." Knowing herself, Natasha would probably fall into a cycle of hook-ups and overindulgence if she didn't have the discipline her job forced her to have.

"Many people would love to have a job like that; one where you can set your own hours."

"I realize how lucky I am. Trust me, I do. But, that doesn't mean I should live a structureless life just because I can." Natasha decided in the air chair across from Y/n, who was now getting comfortable being here. "You know, we had dinner here not too long ago, but I feel like we still haven't caught up with each other."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we had to keep our conversation pretty lighthearted due to the child in the room, but that didn't stop us from getting contentious without each other the moment she was out. I know it was hasty to invite you over, but I truly did want to catch up with you. I know you're probably not on Facebook, so even if I did try to look you up I probably wouldn't find anything."

"There's not that much to catch-up on, Natasha."

"C'mon. You landed in Illinois with an entire child with you. I know you explained the situation, but you didn't tell me what your day to day life is like now. I hope I don't come off as rude, but I never expected you to be the type to have a child or want kids."

"It's not something I really thought about, but I kind of had no choice in the situation," Y/n pauses before redirecting a little, "our day to day life is fine. She's a good kid so I don't deal with tantrums and outbursts that much, but at the end of the day she is still five years old. She's very sociable and likes playing with others -- she doesn't like being alone at all. She's the opposite of me as a kid; very inquisitive and ambitious for her age. It puts my childhood into perspective for me."

"That's exactly why I don't plan on having kids. It wouldn't be fair to them either way because I'm too much of a workaholic, but also because I don't want to compare our upbringings and project onto them. Not that you're doing that," Natasha quickly adds, "but it's just that I know myself. I also fear that I will become just like my parents."

Y/n gets what Natasha is saying because she runs into the same problems herself. It's not as bad as she or Natasha might think it would be, but she doesn't try to convince Natasha otherwise -- it's something she would have to experience for herself. However, just Like Natasha thought of her, she could not see Natasha becoming a parent. She's a self-proclaimed workaholic, but Y/n believes she also isn't patient enough.

"I can understand that," is all Y/n says in response.

"I wanted to ask you this at dinner, but felt it was too intrusive. I was wondering to myself if you were here because you're relocating?"

"No, I'm not. I haven't received any offers like that. I am just here temporarily for work."

Natasha runs the risk of sounding desperate of asking Y/n if she would ever consider moving here and working at the university if the opportunity were to arise. She won't lie, if Y/n were to move here she would make an attempt to be in her life somehow. Not necessarily in a romantic way, but more so in a curious way. She can see that Y/n has changed and it's changes that would take more than two weeks to discover. It's possibly her selfish curiosity thinking about what it would look like to live in the same city as Y/n.

"The city is just too big and I'm not sure how Kennedy would adjust. She's five so she doesn't have many friends yet, but I wouldn't want to take her outside of such a familiar environment. Plus I can't imagine how much a two bedroom apartment would cost here."

"Do you like where you live now?"

"It's okay. It's not my dream location, but it's fine. It was really Amy who wanted to move there because she said we needed a 'new change of scenery'. I don't think the Midwest was doing anything for her." Y/n had agreed with her friend at the time because she wanted to be as far away from her parents as possible. She had lied to them about starting a graduate program, but she dropped out of it after the first semester. They were still giving her money for school for a full year before she made the confession. She vividly remembers ending the call and then blocking both of their numbers. Her current home is not her dream location, but it's always been a dream to be out of reach from her parents.

"Do you want something to drink?" Natasha suddenly asks. "It was rude of me not to offer you anything earlier."

"Uh sure. What do you have?"

"I have water, and a lot of unopened wines from investors."

Natasha's job was the most fascinating thing about her. Y/n was never fully sure about exactly what she did, but it seemed important. Natasha seemed to always be on the go.

"I'll take one of the wines. I don't know what would be good, you pick for me."

Natasha was surprised by Y/n's choice. She wasn't the legal drinking age when they were together, but being under the age of 21 would never deter the most determined college student. But, it was obvious that Y/n still wasn't much of a drinker because she was letting Natasha pick her drink. Natasha picked the one with the lowest alcohol content. It was a sweet white wine she has had before and figured that it would be the least offensive to the tongue for Y/n.

"I hope you like it," Natasha hands the glass filled up a quarter way to her ex-girlfriend. She remarks to herself how this doesn't feel awkward at all. Last night was awkward, and that dinner they had was certainly awkward, but today felt like two old friends catching up.

"I hope I do too."

Y/n pauses before taking a sip. She didn't know what to expect, but what she got was something sweet with a bitter punch at the last second before swallowing. It was good, really good. She is not an expert in the different qualities of wines or how different grapes provide a different experience, but she knows this is some good shit. It's hard to imagine that people would give quality, expensive gifts without any romantic or deep feelings attached. The world Natasha lives in is too interesting to her.

"I take it it's good," Natasha feels comfortable enough to tease her when she hears Y/n hum in approval in the glass. The way Y/n drinks it leaves her tempted to pour a glass for herself, but she knows if she pours a glass then she'll kick her feet up and not want to go back out for the rest of the day.

"It's really good. Thank you."

The liquid pools at the corners of her mouth as she downs it faster than she probably should. She has no clue about the low alcohol content, so a placebo effect is bound to take over if she asks for anymore. Luckily for her, she doesn't want to seem eager and doesn't ask Natasha for anymore.

"I can send you home with the bottle if you want. I have enough wine for one person."

"It's fine. I shouldn't drink while I'm away from home with Kennedy. I'd ask you to just give me the name, but it's probably something I can't afford."

Natasha didn't want to seem like an asshole and agree, but Y/n is probably right. She can imagine that she doesn't have the luxury to buy wines imported straight from a European country, nor does she have anyone to give her those things.

"Do you like being able to afford luxury items?" Y/n feels like her question is a bit too straightforward, embarrassing her a little bit, and tries to rectify it by just showing her plain curiosity, "like did you want to have a life opposite of one you had as a kid?"

"I guess so. It's less about living in the exact opposite way I did as I was younger and more so about having freedom and independence to decide how I live. College turned me into a city person and ultimately that comes with being able to afford the bill that comes with living here. I never set out to own luxury items, but it just comes with the territory I guess."

"Is it because you feel pressured by the industry you work in? Your friends I met a long time ago also live here, but they don't particularly live the same way you do. So I don't necessarily think it's a symptom of living in the city." Y/n was doing her best not to psychoanalyze Natasha, but all her nosy questions sounded like she was. For a long time she believed that Natasha's answers to tough questions about herself would somehow tell Y/n about herself. It was a belief that Y/n told herself was stupid and to let go, but with Natasha in front of her it rears its head.

"You could say that. I only care about my career though. I only 'keep up' because I have to. Jobs like this are 40% work and 60% socializing. I was shocked that the first conference I attended after being hired to work for Tony was more of a party than a conference. I was young and didn't want to accept that it wasn't about my talents or accomplishments. Toughest pill to swallow was that you get opportunities for being reliable more so than qualified. However, you also learn that being qualified doesn't mean you're dignified. So many people with better resumes and better references lost opportunities to me simply because I showed up and was ready to be of use. Pair that with me actually knowing what I was doing and you have a lucky situation."

Natasha began to feel like she was talking too much, but it has been a while since she's talked about the early aughts of her career. She remembers those days vividly and how determined she was. She figured that anyone who wanted to distance themselves from the caging of their young life would end up like her. That might not particularly be the case for Y/n though.

"There is a reason I'm at my office more than I am at home despite having the option to completely work from the comfort of my own home," Natasha continues, "I'll still put up with the parties disguised as conferences, but I'll only ever care about the work aspect of my job rather than the play."

"You can't fit anything else into your life, can you? From working late to having to fake it with investors, you really don't seem to have time for anything else."

Natasha sighed. It's true what Y/n is saying, but she doesn't say it out loud because she doesn't want to hurt Y/n's feelings. It's her way of subtly asking if her life could never fit Y/n into it. Natasha's dating habits aren't that much of a secret, but she had been fooling others (and herself) with certain relationships. She had one about 2 years ago that lasted a few months. She wasn't the one to end things for the first time and that was a huge reality check. She was getting too old to be messing around and playing with people's emotions so she decided not to do it at all. She's not available for a relationship, so she made herself unavailable for hook-ups too.

"I could use a hobby or two," Natasha jokes.

"But a relationship?"

"I gave up on that. I'm not saying it isn't important, but it necessarily isn't important to me."

Y/n isn't sure why she felt disappointed by Natasha's revelation. She was saddened by it too. Her first instinct was to blame herself since she believes she was Natasha's last 'real' relationship. But, this is who Natasha has been the entire time, it just took both of them took a while to see it.

"Oh...okay."

Y/n hasn't thought about getting into a new relationship in a long time, but she doesn't see it as something she wants to give up. Natasha was the last person she was with and she really hasn't put any effort into trying to find someone new. It's been almost a decade since their break-up and she figured that someone would magically come along and approach her and she would end up in a loving relationship. That magic never came which discouraged her into not trying. But, she never actually gave up, instead she just daydreamed about it.

"You don't think it's a little harsh to think that way?"

"Not for me; no it isn't."

"But aren't there things you miss about it?"

"Y/n, I'm not saying relationships are a work of the devil," she jokes to take Y/n out of her serious attitude, "I'm just saying I don't plan on having one any time soon. I won't say never because I could always have a near-death-experience and decide to change my life completely afterwards."

"Is that what you really think about relationships? That you would have to nearly die to be in one again?"

Natasha couldn't tell if Y/n was slightly offended or just confused. Sometimes Y/n still acts like she did as a 19 year-old in college. She was only inquisitive because she wanted Natasha to give an answer that would give her insight to the end of their own relationship. Sometimes things just end, she has to accept that.

"Don't take me so seriously Y/n. None of my revelations have anything to do with our relationship.”

Y/n was silent as she began to feel a little bit guilty about asking so many questions. She felt like she was interrogating Natasha when she really didn’t deserve it.

“I haven’t dated much either,” she admits. “I don’t have much time between work and taking care of Kennedy. Maybe when she goes to elementary school and gets a little older I’ll make the effort to find someone. It’s just hard.”

“But it’s not impossible,” Natasha interjects. Natasha doesn’t want Y/n to have a negative outlook on relationships like her.

“You’re right, but you’re also right about how easy it is to just focus on work. I’m not where I want to be in my career, so I feel like I should focus on that instead of dating, when in reality I could do both. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.”

It was sort of a revelation for Y/n, but she’s just scared. It’s hard for her to even consider someone liking her at this point since it has been so long. She knows people find her attractive, but that’s not the same as actually wanting to be with her.

She lets out a sigh and it’s a sigh that Natasha is familiar with. She feels bad that they’ve deviated to this topic because she assumed Y/n came over here to kill some time in a more fun way. Natasha and Y/n don’t stand on stable ground with each other, so she should’ve changed the topic or suggested they do something fun. However, in a way it seems like something that needed to be had — to be able to talk without any animosity.

“Do you wanna get dinner tonight? I can make reservations somewhere and you can bring Kennedy. I don’t know many kid friendly restaurants, but there are a few that my friend has brought her kids to without any problems.”

“I’m not sure. It’s not like I wouldn’t want to, but Kennedy and restaurants don’t really go hand-in-hand. She doesn’t like them that much. But, I’ll consider it.”

“Okay in the meantime we could do something until you make up your mind or until it’s time to go get Kennedy,” Natasha suggests.

“This is your city,” Y/n jokes, “what do you suggest we do?”

-

Natasha had convinced Y/n to let her take her out to lunch since dinner didn’t seem to be a viable option. There was a restaurant at the heart of the city that Natasha loved and she wanted to take Y/n there. It was only a five-year-old restaurant but was the sister restaurant of another beloved one in New York. Natasha had told her a little bit about it to which Y/n nodded as if she could name a world-renowned restaurant off the top of her head. What Y/n was able to catch onto was Natasha showing off a bit. She told her that normally one would have to reserve a table in advance, but she managed to get them a table for lunch. Y/n finds her zeal a bit amusing; Natasha is undoubtedly trying to impress her.

Neither of them were really dressed for an outing at such a nice place, and to Y/n’s annoyance, they were sitting in the middle of the restaurant. The people around them seem to either be associates meeting to sweeten a deal, or couples with too much money but nothing to do.

It wasn’t just the people around them that had Y/n feeling out of place. When she looked at the menu she thought she was crossing her eyes without knowing it. She was overwhelmed with the combinations of foods on the menu and the entire atmosphere itself. Natasha on the other hand seemed to be comfortable here. She makes comments on the menu about what she likes and what she thinks Y/n would like.

“Do you want wine? I can have them bring out a bottle to our table.”

“No, thank you. Probably not the best idea to get tipsy when I have to go get Kennedy later,” she jokes. Was her discomfort obvious that Natasha believed wine would loosen her up? She tried not to look so shifty, but it was hard. Natasha noticed it, but decided against saying anything in the off chance that she would embarrass Y/n.

“You’re right,” she pauses before looking up from her menu to look at Y/n, “do you think you’re ready to order?”

“I…don’t know? Honestly, you can order for me. Everything on here is confusing,” Y/n admits. She didn’t want to be difficult; it would just be easier to let Natasha decide.

“It’s okay,” Natasha laughs a little, “I was like that my first time here too. The menu only begins to make sense once you’ve been more than five times.”

These things are normal for Natasha, Y/n thinks to herself. She doesn’t struggle reading menus that are a mix of English and another language. Y/n couldn’t stop thinking about how she was dressed appropriately, yet Natasha didn’t seem to care at all.

Y/n leans in which catches Natasha’s attention. She notices how her eyes look from side to side as if she’s about to admit a life-altering secret.

“Being here doesn’t make you feel…weird?”

Natasha mimics Y/n by leaning and whispering, “no.”

Y/n can’t help but feel a little bit childish when she sees her behavior reflected back to her. She sits up straight and clears her throat. She begins to feel bad for making a big deal about where they’re at. She’s also envious of how Natasha is not able to care as much as she does.

“You need to learn to stop worrying. I know, it’s easier said than done, but the years are going to by in a blink and you’ll realize that all you’ve been doing with your life is worrying about things that don’t and never mattered.”

The waiter had interrupted their conversation. Y/n wanted to respond, but she struggled to come up with a rebuttal that wouldn’t sound like an excuse or accusation. She decided to concede because Natasha wasn’t entirely wrong. She’s always worried a lot and the anxiety chipped away at any confidence she was able to build for a short amount of time.

Natasha orders for her and promises that she will like it. Without the menu Y/n realizes that she has to actually engage with Natasha and it sinks in that she’s sitting across from her. She has a habit of feeling bold, agreeing to something, and then the consequences of her actions begin to seep in. Natasha on the other hand seems to be completely relaxed — maybe Y/n should have taken up her offer for the wine.

“When do you leave again?”

“This Saturday…just three more days.”

“Wow, do you have anything special planned?”

“Nothing really. I wanted to take Kennedy somewhere, but it’s very last minute. The Art Institute had one of those family events I think she would’ve enjoyed, but it was sold out.”

“I’m sure I can get you a ticket. My friend Steve works in art and can pull some strings to get you a ticket.”

Y/n thought it was funny that Natasha was talking as if they were working on a business deal. “It’s okay Natasha, it’s not that big of a deal. I can find something to get us out of the hotel.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Besides, it might be nice enough to go to the zoo. Kennedy is obsessed with giraffes and would be very happy to see one in person.”

“I know I asked you when we had dinner last week, but I would like to forget that night if I’m being honest,” Natasha hesitates just a second before continuing, “but are you okay with everything? With being the guardian of a kid, I mean. I don’t want to offend you, but never in a million years would I imagine you raising a kid, let alone by yourself.”

“It’s not easy,” Y/n sighs, “but it feels like something I have to do. I owe it to Amy and to Kennedy herself. I’m really, really bad at it, I know, but all I can do is try. It’s just weird because…I never considered being a mother. I feel like I don’t have a maternal bone in my body, but with Kennedy…my maternal instincts kick in so much. It’s weird.”

“I think that makes sense. It’s very easy to see that you care about her a lot and she cares about you. You seem to be letting her be a person with her own feelings and that’s good.”

It was hard to take the compliment because Y/n is very hyper-critical of herself, but she remembers what Natasha says about just relaxing and she decides to accept it.

The mention of last week's dinner does leave Y/n feeling a little awkward though. Something is nagging at her to bring it up, but it also seems pointless to further talk about it when they’re sitting across from each other now and getting along. But, sometimes Y/n struggles to control her impulses.

“I didn’t mean to cause a problem last week. It was nice of you to invite me over, and I was being a little selfish when I thought it was okay to get mad at you and cause an argument.”

“Y/n, we don’t have to talk about it.”

“But, I feel bad! I left feeling like an idiot and embarrassed because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. It was rude and I’m sorry.”

“Y/n-“

“I didn’t mean to disrespect you or anything or make a fool of myself, and I know it looks stupid that I keep bringing up old shit when you have moved on and I should also move on, but I brought it up anyway. I was causing problems on purpose and it was unfair and childish of me. I-“

“Can you just shut up and let me apologize, Y/n?”

Y/n stopped talking, mostly out of surprise and not obedience from Natasha’s demand. She hadn’t realized she was rambling; she wasn’t thinking at all. She looks at Natasha whose eyes have softened with empathy. Y/n could pretend that she had too much pride to let anyone take pity on her, but all she wanted and needed was for someone to feel and understand her.

“I understand why you were upset last week, and I think you’re right to feel that way. I didn’t have the best intentions back then, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to convince you that I wasn’t faking it the entire time. I didn’t expect to actually end up in a relationship with you, and I probably shouldn’t have,” Natasha paused in fear. She was afraid that her words were cutting, but they were the harsh reality. She owes it to Y/n to be honest. “You were young and I was very aware of it. My mistake was thinking that you would’ve been similar to me at that age. Once I was out of my parent’s grasp I ran head first into everything. You weren’t like that, and that’s okay, but my assumptions were wrong. I knew when I was being awful towards you but I didn’t stop. I was wrong Y/n. And, I’m sorry. I know you know that, but you’ve probably wanted to hear me say it for a long time now. You can feel however you want towards me, but you need to move on. I’ll admit that I was shitty, and I’m deeply remorseful about it, but I can’t help you move on.”

It was like wrapping herself in barbed wire to know that Natasha was right. The admission of guilt was appreciated, but not as satisfying as Y/n always expected it to be. She knew that Natasha was wrong and that was always enough. The truth was that she didn’t want to move on. She held onto hope that she would receive a random phone call or facebook message that would be Natasha pouring her heart out saying that what she did to Y/n was her biggest regret in life and that she wants her back. She wanted to feel loved and thought of all of the years later. She wanted her revenge and her apology. Hearing those words “I’m sorry” was more anti-climactic than relieving. Y/n really didn’t need anything from Natasha, she needed something from herself. She needed to trust herself enough.

“I hope I don’t come off as a weirdo…I didn’t want to hold onto something that was done for so long.”

“I don’t think anyone does. I’ve had relationships that took me forever to get over. It’s normal, especially for your first heartbreak. I just don’t want you to have a forever-villain in your life.”

“I know…I know…you’re right about everything too. It’s hard to accept, but I guess that's life.”

“It’s not going to happen overnight, but over time you will realize that you think about it less and less. We don’t have to be the exes that are still friends, but I don’t want to be the exes that can’t move on from each other.”

Their conversation is once again interrupted by the waiter. Y/n wanted the conversation to continue, but it also felt appropriate that it ended where it ended. She’s sure she could talk about this with Natasha for hours and hours, but sometimes it’s best to just let the conversation end.

The dish Natasha picked for Y/n was excellent. It was a savory dish of pasta with the richest sauce she has ever tasted. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to eat like this almost every weekend. Natasha tells her about how she discovered the place, how she came here with her boss and colleagues. Y/n could tell that she wasn’t the best of friends with the people she worked with, but she was more open with them than Y/n is with hers. She’s always heard of people distracting themselves with work and hobbies to forget about heartbreak, and while she tried to do that she never really tried to have a life out of the grief. She didn’t want to minimize what had happened to her best friend by calling herself heartbreak over Natasha grief, but she had mourned a million and one possibilities for years.

“I’m not going to let you talk me out of ordering dessert for us. You haven’t had cheesecake until you’ve had one from here.”

“Can we get it to-go? I don’t think I can eat anymore.”

Natasha nods her head, trying her best to hide her sadness. She didn’t want her time with Y/n to end because she feels like they’ve finally gotten into a good spot. Sure, what they had talked about hadn’t been easy, but it felt like progress had been made for the both of them. Natasha may have not been as stuck on their relationship as Y/n was, but she’s held on for her guilt instead of learning from it.

“Sure.”

Y/n didn’t even try to argue with Natasha about contributing to the bill. She was grateful that Natasha still wanted to be kind to her after all of these years. For a while she wondered if her ex had hated her, but it's been proved again and again that Natasha never hated her.

It had gotten warmer since they first entered the restaurant and the city was in full swing. There were countless places where Natasha could take Y/n next, but she could see that she seemed a bit worn out.

“Where do you want to go now? Do you want to go back to the university?”

“Could we go back to your place for a bit?”

-

Y/n can remember the exact date and time someone else had touched her. It was just a few months before Amy passed away and her friend had somehow convinced her to go out to a club. It was not the most comfortable place for Y/n, but some woman at the bar had offered to buy her a drink and on a whim she accepted it. The woman had told her that her name was Noah and Y/n almost found an excuse to get away from her simply because her name started with an ‘N’. It had been four years since the break-up at that point, yet the wound felt fresh. However, she didn’t turn away from Noah and let herself be guided to the bathroom where she had a hand between her legs two minutes later.

More than the pleasure of someone’s nimble fingers on her clit was the love of the adrenaline rush the situation had given her. It felt so taboo for her even if it wasn’t uncommon for someone to be getting fingered in the bathroom of a club. But, she was a big girl making big girl decisions and this was the sense of freedom and independence she wanted, even if it wasn’t concrete or genuine. That’s what she had missed about her relationship with Natasha. All of these years she missed the feeling Natasha gave her; a feeling that does not exist within a singular person.

Her mind comes back to reality when her leg rests on Natasha's shoulder. She looks down between her legs and feels like she's not looking at the same person who used to place themselves between her legs before. Natasha was much more cautious knowing that this might not be the best decision on their parts, but she wasn’t doing anything to stop it. Y/n held her breath as Natasha neared the warmth between her legs. This felt like a daydream but Natasha’s fingertips gliding against her outer thighs were very much real.

“You okay?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

If she begins to think too hard, she might change her mind, but she wants to feel the pleasure — she’s desperate for it. No one, not even herself, has touched her in such a way that had made her daydream about it for years and years like Natasha. Her legs tremble in excitement as Natasha touches her in innocuous places. She’s still in her panties, but she’s desperate to wiggle out of them.

“You were always impatient,” Natasha jokes as her fingers hook in the band of Y/n’s panties, “I don’t think you realized how needy you always were. Yet you were so embarrassed at the same time.”

Y/n can remember exactly how Natasha made her feel back then. Similar feelings are bubbling up to the surface, but so are unfamiliar feelings. All she knows is that she wants to be touched and adored like she used to be.

Natasha leaves a wet kiss on her lower belly before pulling her panties down her legs. Y/n wiggles out of the cotton garment before Natasha can pull them off herself. The cool air against her clit makes her gasp and arch her back. It’s been years, but all of her little habits are so memorable. There was something erotic in the way Y/n was uncoordinated in bed. Once she was in the throes of passion her body reacted and moved with raw pleasure, without a single care in the world. Natasha may have apologized for having the tendencies of a scumbag, but she still gets off on leaving an impression on someone so innocent.

“You’re so wet.”

Y/n whimpers when Natasha’s fingers slide through her folds to collect the wetness on her flesh. She was so wet she was almost sticky. She felt like a mess but wanted to be cleaned up by Natasha. She parts her legs wider, inviting Natasha in as if the redhead hadn’t made between her legs home already.

Natasha wanted to ask Y/n was sure again, but she could see it in her eyes that she would just tell her to shut up.

The first touch, the first lick, is always a piece of heaven. Y/n can’t stop herself from loudly moaning and throwing her head back. Natasha’s tongue is wet and heavy against her already soaking pussy. Natasha doesn’t tease her waste any time, she licks at Y/n with a sense of urgency like she might disappear any second now.

“N-Natasha,” Y/n’s name sounds like a prayer of worship on her lips. Her fingers thread through her red hair and she gets a good grip on her. Her fingernails graze Natasha’s scalp in stinging pleasures.

Her tongue presses flatly against Y/n’s clit and the sensitive nub pulses against her tongue. The harder she licks, the more Y/n drips in arousal. Y/n realizes just how wet she is when Natasha wraps her lips around her clit and sucks loudly. It was so lewd that Y/n groaned and her eyes rolled into the back of her thighs. Natasha strokes her sensitive thighs which makes Y/n tremble even more.

“F-Feels so good,” Y/n admits without a tinge of shame. She had missed the feeling of a wet tongue sliding against the most sensitive parts of her body. The way Natasha sucks and bathes her with attention pushes her closer to cumming.

The redhead looks up at her from between her legs and watches her intently. Natasha wishes they hadn’t been so hasty, making out against her front door and then moving over to the couch without a thought. The way Y/n’s chest rises and falls makes her want to take that stupid top off of her so she can see her tits. Her hardened nipples push through the fabric of her shirt and bra. As if she could read her mind, Y/n brings her hands up to her chest and gropes herself through the fabric. She notices that the more she touches herself the harder Natasha sucks on her clit. She was being watched, but she kept her eyes closed to avoid making eye contact.

Y/n and Natasha are too lost in each other to even flinch when one of their phones begins to go off. It could be an important work call for Natasha, or for Y/n it could be someone from the university. Both of them decide that they don’t care. Natasha is too busy feasting on Y/n as if she was the most expensive delicacy on Earth. The last, ripe peach on Earth.

It has been years but God did she miss this. She moans every few seconds from Y/n’s distinct taste; so good and so sweet. Her pussy was soft and dripping for her.

“Please don’t stop,” Y/n begs softly. Stopping was never an option for Natasha. She wants to keep Y/n suspended in this pleasure forever.

Natasha’s tongue moves to flicking against Y/n’s opening slit, close to sliding it into her. She licks, sucks, and hums against her pussy in such an animalistic way. Her tongue slides against every inch of her pussy, re-familiarizing herself with the girl she used to know so well. Y/n trusted her enough to spill every feeling she’s ever had and give her body to her even though it was very hard to do so. Natasha isn’t sure there is anything she could do that would show her how forever grateful she is for her,

“Fuck Natasha…I’m gonna cum!” Y/n whines. She finally opens her eyes to see the redhead wildly eating her out. It drives her dangerously closer to the edge.

“Cum…cum all over my face,” she says between licking her.

Y/n completely lets go, a wave washing over her as she does so. There is the obvious feeling of physical release, but also emotional release. Pleasure mixes with relief as her body gets heavier. Natasha is still between her legs but pulled her mouth away so as to not overwhelm her. Seeing how dazed she looks is sexy to her. She gives a quick squeeze to Y/n’s thigh and Y/n opens her eyes to look at her. Natasha’s mouth is glistening with cum, a sight that makes a knot twist in Y/n’s belly.

“I’ve missed how you sounded…moaning my name,” Natasha admits.

Y/n can’t help but smile at her ex-girlfriend’s confession. She decides to make a confession soon.

"I don't like Bucky.”

Natasha is dumbfounded by how unprompted the comment was, but she can’t help but laugh at it. Y/n never liked Bucky.

Natasha lays her head on Y/n’s lower belly, letting herself be lulled by the slow rising and falling.

“He totally set you up last night. He called me and told me you were down there. He means well, most of the time, but he’s a shit starter at heart.”

“Hmm.”

It was no surprise that Bucky had found a way to instigate last night’s situation. There was just no way fate was on her side like she always wanted to believe. But, she is willing to accept that that is okay.

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Let Me In [4] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 5.2k.

Part Three || Part Five ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist  

Summary: A night out becomes regret as Y/n learns that the best and worse thing is that Natasha is always there.

Content: angst, but it’s not all that bad (I promise)

A/N: This story was supposed to end by chapter five, but I will probably extend it by a chapter or two. I will be honest and so I don’t have a clear end for this story, but I think I should be able to find a way for it to come to it’s conclusion soon. Enjoy.

minors, ageless blogs, and blank blogs will be blocked.

Y/n would have never expected the people she worked with in the research department at the university would be such a rowdy bunch. They were louder than anyone else here which caught the attention of a few people walking around. 

They were all older than her and had much more expertise. Prisha, the professor she was working closely with and who knew professor Nowak from Brecker, was in her 40s but she was drinking like a teenager. It’s Friday night so Y/n can understand the celebratory mode coming from them, but she was just so damn surprised. They were at a bar called ‘Hooligans’ and they were ordering some hard liquor. Hell, she’s about 10 to 15 years their senior and she was ready to go pick up Kennedy from the daycare center and turn in for the night! 

She looks at her phone for the time; 5:17pm. She had felt so bad about leaving Kennedy at the daycare center for any longer than usual. She stopped by to check on her before she ended up here with her colleagues. Kennedy wasn’t too pressed about leaving seeing as she was playing with some other kids around her age. Y/n had hoped the five year old would be begging to go back to the hotel so she could have an excuse as to why she couldn’t join Prisha and the rest, but that plan had failed.

She wasn’t in the mood for drinking, but the atmosphere felt like it called for everyone to be at least buzzed. She ordered a mojito lime mocktail (making sure to whisper the “mocktail” part to the bartender so no one would in her group would hear her). She maybe would have considered drinking with them if she was back at home. But, even then she’s not big on drinking.

It has been a while since she’s felt left out of the fun. Her personal life at home is purposefully quiet and what some would consider “boring.” She was out of place even with people who she thought were just like her.

“You don’t want another drink?”

The voice belonged to Peter, another research assistant at the university. He was only a few years older than Y/n and had a shiny wedding band on his ring finger. Still, that didn’t stop him from flirting with Y/n from time to time which made her not like him.

“I really shouldn’t drink. I have to pick up Kennedy after this.”

Y/n did not plan to tell her colleagues about Kennedy, but it had just kind of come up. They asked questions about her, but all Y/n had for them was a few photos and one answer, “She's not my biological daughter, but she’s mine.”

Peter is a nice guy, but he acted too familiar with her. At first Y/n thought it was his way of welcoming her and making her feel comfortable, but then it became too much. He offered to take them out for dinner one night which made Y/n wonder if he’s really married or not. He hasn’t mentioned a wife, but she just doesn’t trust him or that ring on his finger.

“The daycare closes at 10. One good thing about the school is that they’re very accommodating for the staff that works late. It’s a really great place…really nice benefits too.”

Y/n wanted to roll her eyes so bad, but decided against it. Not only has Peter tried to get her to take the opening research assistant position, but so has Prisha, and even professor Nowak sent a random email about it. Y/n’s current answer is no. She doesn’t uproot her life with Kennedy and moves from their quiet town to a busy city. All Y/n has is herself and the five year old, so the move does not sound realistic at all. She would be getting paid more and Peter is right about the good benefits. But, it just doesn’t sound doable right now. She left the state of Illinois for a reason and isn’t planning to make a permanent comeback.

“I’m glad you enjoy working there, Peter,” she shoots him down with a smile and averts her eyes. No matter how much her body language shows that she’s uncomfortable with him and this chat, he doesn’t stop trying to convince her to come work here in the city.

Y/n looked over to the other people she came with who were only a few feet away; so close yet not within reach to save her from Peter who won’t stop talking about how great working and living in the city is. She’ll occasionally smile before looking away hoping for someone to save her. She prayed for something to happen that would pull Peter’s focus away from her, but her prayers minus well have been heard by the devil himself.

He slouches against the wall at the other end of the bar, phone pressed to his ears and ringing louder than the crowd in this place.

“Hello,” came a tired voice from the other end.

“You’ll never believe who’s in here looking scared for her life.”

“Who?”

“Y/n.”

The smile that spread on Bucky’s face was one that instigators have when their plans to create chaos goes right. Except this time Bucky didn’t have to do anything, things just ended up like this. 

He had stepped out of the back of the house for a little bit to check in on his four working the bar. It was a normal Friday night, packed and loud. It wasn’t unusual for a few professional looking people to be in the building seeing that they were close enough to the university’s main campus (which forced Bucky to enforce a strict ‘no kids under 21’ policy). Some of the faces were familiar, Friday Night Regulars he called them, but never did he expect to see the face of the once 19 year old who called herself Natasha’s girlfriend.

His first instinct was to call her, to see if he’s actually looking at Y/n right now or if this is just someone who looks exactly like her. He had no idea that she was here in the city and he wonders if Natasha knows she’s here too.

“She’s at Hooligans?”

“Yes. I’m pretty sure this is her. Is she in the city?”

“Yea…yea she’s here. I meant to tell you but got swept up in a work thing.”

“Of course you did,” he jokingly scuffs at his friend’s workaholic ways. “When did you know she was in the city?”

“Literally ran into her on her first day here. It was awkward. Invited her over for dinner, and it was even more awkward. Did you know she has custody of her friend’s kid? Well you didn’t know that, but she does.”

In the background Bucky can hear the sound of keys jingling and feet moving.

“Don’t come down here Natasha.”

“Who said I was?”

“C’mon now.”

Natasha was silent on the other end. She was coming to Hooligans and Bucky had caught her. She hates to be so predictable. After that weird moment last night, she wanted to see Y/n again for purely selfish reasons.

“Distract her until I get there.”

“You’re fucking kidding me,” he states in disbelief. He can’t believe Natasha folded so easily. It’s not common for his closest friend to be stuck on stupid for a woman, but she sounded like she was in a rush to get here. Bucky sighs before letting out a chuckle. “Fine.”

He places the phone back on the wall, hanging up on his desperate friend. Three bartenders is enough, so he decides to alleviate one of his workers and take over for them. Yes, he owns the places, but he doesn’t like staying in the back in his office. After losing out on other business ventures, this old bar fell into his lap and became his baby. The regulars get happy when they see Bucky behind the bar, showering him with compliments about how no one makes a better drink than him. Bucky couldn’t lie, he finds himself feeling a little conceited from time to time. Natasha teased him about it; how he “turns on the charm” when he wants to make a woman smile or if he’s trying to get information out of someone. Bucky has that face that makes a person spill their entire life story to him (it also doesn’t help that many of his patrons are too tipsy to keep their mouth’s shut).

He taps on the current bartender’s shoulders and tells them to take their break. They happily walk away and let him take over. He’s only a few inches away from Y/n, enough to hear her conversation with the guy hovering around her. Bucky didn’t want to speculate too much, but if Y/n is into men too, then she’s certainly not into this guy. He won’t shut up, his mouth keeps moving while Y/n sits there avoiding his gaze. Bucky catches a few sentences and picks up that he’s talking about his work at the university. Y/n doesn’t seem interested one bit, so he decides to interrupt their conversation.

Y/n’s glass sat empty on the wooden bar top. The sound of someone picking it up caught both her and Peter’s attention.

“Another drink?”

She felt like she got hit with something when she looked at the new bartender and saw that it was Bucky. He looked the same besides for signs of aging; even his hair was the same length from when she met him. He picks up her drink and sniffs it. “What is this? A mojito lime?”

“I-I…”

“She’ll have another,” Peter interrupts, completely oblivious to the history between these two people.

Bucky kind of looks at him with a scowl, not liking how he answered for Y/n. He’s seen plenty of men like that in here before and knows how overbearing they can be. 

“I was talking to her,” he points at a paralyzed Y/n. “You want another drink?”

She has no clue if Bucky recognizes her or not. It’s hard to tell when he has a neutral look on his face until her eyes meet his and he gives her a half-smile. There is no way, if he works here, that he would recognize her face when he probably sees a thousand faces a week.

“I-I’ll have another.”

“Same drink?”

“Yes…but with no alcohol please,” her voice shakes as she speaks to him.

“You ordered a mocktail?” Peter asks in disbelief. “Y/n, I thought we were having fun tonight?” He asks as if she had agreed to whatever idea the others had agreed to. Y/n only came out with them because they kept asking her. She never told anyone she was going to drink or get drunk. She was growing more uncomfortable and felt like the heat inside the bar was getting hotter and hotter.

“I can’t drink alcohol tonight…I have to get Kennedy after this,” she reminds him. 

Bucky was surprised that Y/n would order something with no alcohol in it. She hasn’t seemed to change much. But, he caught that part about having to pick “Kennedy” once she leaves. Natasha told him about her sort of having a kid, but hearing Y/n say it was something else.

“One Mojito lime coming up,” he winks at Y/n before turning his back away from the two. He hopes Natasha is nearing the bar soon.

“Why don’t you ever want to have fun, Y/n? You always look so on edge. It’s like you’re not comfortable in your own skin!”

Peter’s assessment was not too far off, but Y/n wasn’t going to have this conversation. Not here and especially not with him. Prisha and the others were wrapped up in their own conversation, so Y/n couldn’t butt her way into it to save herself from Peter. She always finds herself in a weird situation where if someone is hitting on here they’re always too much for her to handle.

Bucky turns back towards and places the glass in front of her. “Here you go,” he says with a smile and small nod.

Y/n expected him to walk away or serve someone else who wants a drink, but he stays there. He places his arms on the counter and leans against it.

“You look familiar.”

Y/n was feeling attacked from all angles. But, if she had to pick one, she would choose Bucky, asking who she is over possibly-married-Peter trying to flirt with her.

“I’m not from around here,” she answers, hoping that it would deter him.

“You sure I don’t know you?” He has that look on his face, one that reads that he’s just waiting for Y/n to lie to him. The tone of his voice is almost mocking her too.

“Maybe…I don’t know,” she admits. For some reason she just can’t lie to him like she wishes she could. She wishes she could make a great escape and find solace in her hotel room with Kennedy watching cartoons, but she was stuck.

If two people weren’t suffocating enough, then three is sure enough to put Y/n under. Natasha comes in acting coy, like it is a complete coincidence for her to be here.

She sees Bucky at the bar and in front of him is the unmistakable silhouette of Y/n. To her right is some guy sitting on the stool next to her. Something had squeezed Natasha’s heart when she noticed how he was leaning in closely to her. She’s so selfish that she can’t even hide it.

“Bucky!” She calls out her friend's name, making three pairs of eyes dart towards her.

Bucky can’t help but smile at the entire situation. He feels bad for thinking it’s funny, but to see Y/n’s face drop was funny to him.

“Y/n?” Natasha asks blankly. She’s not good at faking it, but she’s putting on her best Meryl Streep in trying to put on a convincing act. “You’re here? You’re here. Hi!”

If Y/n wasn’t on the verge of having a panic attack, she’d be able to see through Natasha’s act. She feels cornered.

She’s sure that Bucky set this up, but it doesn’t help that Peter is also still breathing down her neck.

“Do you know her?” He asks Y/n as if he has some authority to question who is approaching her.

“We go way back,” Natasha shoots back at him. She was acting like a jealous girlfriend, which is not what she is.

“I’ll let you two catch up,” Bucky says before slinking away; always causing a mess and then somehow being the first one to come out unscathed.

Natasha takes the empty seat next to Y/n and makes herself comfortable.

“How are you? Is everything okay with Kennedy after yesterday?”

The only plus side to this situation is that she gets a chance to turn her back on Peter and escape his insistent nature. However, the mention of yesterday makes her shiver. She almost did something very stupid yesterday, and she wonder if Natasha realizes that.             

“Yea…she’s happy now, she has her toy back.”

Y/n can feel Peter’s eyes burning into her back. He’s confused as to who this is and why Y/n hasn’t introduced her. They’re familiar with each other as evidenced by their conversation and Natasha knowing who Kennedy is, but Y/n doesn’t look all that comfortable with her.

“Y/n,” Peter interrupts them, causing the two women to look at him. “Do you want to step outside for a little bit? It’s kind of hot in here.” He’s right, the temperature in the bar seemed to be rising due to more people filing in. Stepping into the cooler, thinner Spring air would probably feel like heaven itself. The look on Peter’s face gave him away though. He looked so smug, like he was the hero for coming up with an excuse for Y/n to leave this awkward situation. The only problem is that Y/n doesn’t want to be around either of them right now. She wishes she could throw her drink in Bucky’s face because she knows he’s the reason her ex-girlfriend is here.

“It’s not that hot in here,” Natasha refutes, “plus the A/C actually works here compared to the other bars on the strip.”

Tension grew between the two with Y/n awkwardly in the middle of it. If the Earth decided to open and swallow her whole, she’d accept it. 

Peter grabs her wrist, a little forcefully even though he didn’t intend to.

“She’s sweating, I don’t want her to overheat.”

Y/n felt her autonomy slipping away from her. Ironically, Peter and Natasha reminded her of her parents and how they used to act when she was young. It made her sick to her stomach, angry at both of them.

She shakes her hand loose from Peter’s grasp and walks away from the two of them. Their eyes follow her until she disappears around a corner. Peter starts towards that direction, but Natasha cuts him off and follows the exact path that Y/n took. Natasha had to catch up with her quickly because she stormed off towards the employees only section and if she gets caught back there, she’ll get an earful from one of the workers.

Natasha reaches out to grab her wrist and Y/n jumps nearly a foot into the air. She thought it was Peter for a split second, but once she caught a glimpse of that red hair she knew who it was. She relaxed only a little bit. She didn’t want to be around the overbearing Peter, but she wasn’t exactly excited to see Natasha either.

“You can’t just fucking do that, Natasha.”

“Do what?” Natasha was shocked by Y/n cursing at her. She feels like her behavior was inoffensive, yet Y/n looks at her with some much contempt that Natasha wonders if she said something and didn’t realize it.

“What you just did back there!”

“What did I do, Y/n? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Why did you just show up here?”

“It’s Bucky’s bar, he’s my friend! I come here all the time-“

“Bullshit!” Y/n’s voice was louder than Natasha would have liked it. If Y/n knew how loud she was being, she’d immediately stop talking, but Natasha fears that saying anything would stoke the fire between them. “He called you, didn’t he?”

Y/n had every right to be angry. If Natasha had showed up simply because it was Bucky’s bar, how was she able to spot her so quickly and why did she linger around him? Y/n knows a lie when she hears one; it’s insulting for Natasha to assume that she can just lie to her like she’s a naive 19 year old again.

Her inability to answer Y/n’s question gave her away, making Y/n laugh and sigh in disbelief. ‘Why does this shit keep happening?’ she thinks to herself. She has a pretty quiet life in Arizona; free from drama except for the few tantrums Kennedy throws. So, why does her life have to implode the second she steps out of new home state.

“Why did you show up here?” Y/n asks a bit more quietly. She has calmed herself down a bit, but she folds her arms and keeps herself guarded.

“I told you, I was around,” Natasha lied again. Y/n figures she’s going to keep up the charade and rolls her eyes. “You know Bucky’s my best friend.”

“Yeah and he’s always been weird towards me. I wouldn’t put it past him to set me up.”

“He’s not weird and you’re not being set up. Why do you think I’m out to get you? I know you’re not the happiest with me, but I’m not going to hurt you, Y/n.”

Y/n had to bite her tongue before she said something stupid and regretful. She wants to be argumentative and confrontational, but that’s just not in her nature. 

“I didn’t mean to cause problems by coming here,” Natasha continues, “but, it looked like you weren’t enjoying yourself with that guy you came with.”

“I’m not here with just him. He works at the university and I’m here with a few other people from there too,” Y/n clears the air, knowing that Natasha was trying to insinuate that she intentionally came out with Peter alone.

“Okay, well, you didn’t look comfortable at all.”

Natasha was right, but it didn’t make Y/n anymore comfortable for her ex girlfriend to pop up unexpectedly. She feels confused and just wants to go home, yet she still feels like she’s trapped like she was between Peter and Natasha.

“I saw you and wanted to see if you were okay after yesterday. I know after everything with Kennedy and the shit with Yelena that it probably wasn’t an easy day. I still feel bad for what my sister did. I try to keep her on a short leash around the people I know, but I wasn’t there and I’m sorry.”

“I know, you said that yesterday. You apologized a thousand times for it.”

Natasha sighs thinking back to yesterday. She probably looked like a loser standing in the rain, begging Y/n to forgive her for something she didn’t even do. But, she felt compelled to let Y/n hear those words come out of her mouth. Yelena had crossed the line when the two of them are already on shaky terms, and Natasha worried it would make things worse. 

“Last night…what was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“You were acting…different. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Natasha knows how to explain it, she just doesn’t know how to say it without scaring Y/n off. It seemed as if Y/n wanted to get close with her, physically close, last night and it left Natasha confused as.

“I was tired and standing out in the rain. That’s all it was,” Y/n says as she crosses her arm, making her look defiant and like a liar.

“You looked like you wanted to kiss me,” Natasha blurts before she can even realize it. “Or, hug me, or something,” she says to soften the blow.

She watches Y/n’s face turn and she quickly regrets not watching her tongue. However, it’s what's been on her mind all last night and all day. They were close for a few seconds, extremely close, and it left Natasha feeling confused. Mostly confused about how Y/n feels about her. Natasha personally feels like she has no ill-will towards Y/n, but she can understand if that’s not the case with Y/n. But, it’s been so long since what happened happened.

“I didn’t want to kiss you. I was tired and the entire day was just annoying with Kennedy throwing a fit and your sister grilling me over stupid shit. If I’m being honest, I didn’t want to see your face yesterday after all of that.

“Yet you answered the phone and came downstairs when I called you. You didn’t have to do that Y/n.”

Natasha doesn’t mean to make her words sound pressing or her tone like she’s trying to back Y/n into a corner. Of course they come across that way to Y/n, who is defensive right now.

“I didn’t want to be mean. It wasn’t anything more to it,” Y/n says bluntly.

“Y/n,” Natasha sighs with frustration, “I just don’t know where I stand with you. The conversation at dinner went nowhere, and I feel like you’re still mad at me. I’m just confused.”

“Why are you confused? Why does it even matter? I’ll be gone soon enough, and we won’t see each other again.”

For some reason, that’s not what Natasha wants. At least, she wants to right her wrongs. Natasha never had a relationship or situation with someone where it ended badly and they just never reconciled some time later. She is a woman who is keen on controlling every aspect of her life, but this seems to be the one situation she can’t control and it bothers her, like something poking her in her shoe.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me. I don’t think there is a way for me to ‘make things better’, I think that would be a stupid and regressive thing to do. But, I also want to do anything I can for you to no longer be mad at me, and don’t act like you aren’t mad at me; I could feel it from the moment we ran into each other, to dinner, and to last night. It’s unnerving to see you so mad at me.”

Maybe it was because Y/n can be considered a passive person who is easy to pushover, but it’s not an uncommon phenomenon for people to see her as this all-forgiving person. She’s always been quiet and to herself, never expressing herself, but that doesn’t erase the humanness of holding grudges and feeling consumed by anger when being around those who have done her wrong. 

“I’m not mad…I’m just confused like you, I guess.”

“What’s confusing?”

No alcohol in her system, yet Y/n was feeling vulnerable like those who have had two or three shots tonight. She hates that this is happening here. The dinner at Natasha’s house was awkward, but at least it was just the two of them. She wondered if Peter or anyone else she was with would come and find her or if they just forgot about her. She’d feel alone if she didn’t have Natasha standing in front of her; maybe that’s a comforting fact that makes her open her mouth to spill her feelings.

“How you just moved on. I feel stupid and pathetic because I still think about shit that happened to me when I was a freshman and sophomore in college, and I still let it affect me. I feel like a loser for still being sad about it. I don’t know how to move on like you.”

Natasha finds it comical that Y/n thinks she’s an expert at “moving on.” Natasha doesn’t “move on”, she’s just avoidant. She probably needs therapy, but she’s too stubborn for that. She works herself to the bone because it’s easy to distract yourself when you have to answer 20+ emails a day and get on conference calls with clients across the globe. When she’s catching a red eye to meet up with another company at the last minute, she doesn’t have the time to think about the things that are lacking in her life. When those thoughts begin to creep up, she finds a way to work somehow — even if it’s 1 in the morning.

“Y/n…my coping habits are not the healthiest. You used to hear my friends joke about me being a workaholic and you know it’s true. I don’t ‘move on’…I just keep going. Life doesn’t stop, so I can’t either.”

The answer felt like such a cop out. Whether it’s Natasha’s truth or not (which it is), Y/n wasn’t having it. She scoffs at the answer, but has nothing to say.

“But that isn’t to say I don’t have regrets,” she continues, “there are things about my life I wish were different, but there is nothing I can do about it. So many things I told myself weren’t important, but what I was really telling myself was that I couldn’t achieve them. You know more than anyone I know that trying to form good relationships with people when you had a fucked up childhood is hard. There are things that I probably would enjoy if I just let myself. You don’t wanna miss out like me.”

“But I don’t even have anything to ‘miss out’ on because I can’t get over anything. I’m just confused about everything.”

“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself,” Natasha sighs at the sadder look forming on Y/n’s face. Natasha is far from having it together, and may never will, and she doesn’t want to see Y/n compare herself to her life. “It’s tough, but you’re doing okay.”

Natasha feels bad for struggling to find the right words, but she’s not exactly an expert at this. Instead she lets Y/n slip closer to her, feeling comforted by the person whom she was once very familiar with. Natasha feels even worse when she doesn’t stop Y/n from completely leaning in and kissing her. She’s both shocked, but unsurprised at the same time when she feels Y/n’s lips against her. It feels so right in the moment, but her mind can’t help but wonder about the consequences of this might be. But, instead of worrying about that now, she kisses back.

Those 30 seconds felt like years, years that have passed by and aged the both of them. It wasn’t until someone bumped into them, a worker that was annoyed by their presence, that they pulled away from each other. Y/n had nothing to say for herself, all she could do was pull her eyes away as Natasha gets into a tiff with the worker, Joe. The moment gives Y/n some time to become embarrassed by her actions, she feels desperate and cheap. Natasha was receptive to the kiss, very much so, but Y/n still feels a sense of dread. She’s angry with herself.

“I need to go home.”

Natasha turns her head from Joe and looks over to Y/n. Joe doesn’t care why they’re standing in the way of a door he and the other workers use, he just wants them to get out of his way. 

Without saying a word, Natasha grabs Y/n’s hand and guides her out of the bar.

“Text them and let them know you’re going back to the hotel,” Natasha commands, referring to the people she had come here with tonight. If Y/n had weaved through the crowd to find them, to find Peter, to tell everyone she’s leaving, they would certainly try to convince her to stay. She nods her head obediently as Natasha pulls her to freedom.

“I have to pick up Kennedy.”

The outside world is much more quiet than Bucky’s bar, but it’s not silent. Y/n heads off into the direction of the university, nearly forgetting that she’s still holding Natasha’s hand until she feels herself dragging her along. She stops her feet from moving and instantly drops her hand.

“Sorry,” she mutters, “you can go back now.”

“No, let me walk you back. It’s the least I can do."

Y/n doesn’t protest. She doesn’t necessarily want to be in Natasha’s presence after what she did back there, but she also wouldn’t mind the company. Y/n has nothing to say, and neither does Natasha as they walk to the university together in silence.

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [3] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 6k.

Part Two || Part Four ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist

Summary: In search of something important that was left behind, Y/n meets someone ‘new’ in Natasha’s life.

Content: angsts and a tiny bit of fluff at the end.

A/N: I promised this chapter months ago, but I’m happy to have it out! Lost a little bit of motivation with writing due to my job, however I’m getting back into this story and had fun writing this chapter and starting the new one!

minors, ageless blogs, and blank blogs will be blocked.

Keep reading

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [3] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 6k.

Part Two || Part Four ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist

Summary: In search of something important that was left behind, Y/n meets someone ‘new’ in Natasha’s life.

Content: angsts and a tiny bit of fluff at the end.

A/N: I promised this chapter months ago, but I’m happy to have it out! Lost a little bit of motivation with writing due to my job, however I’m getting back into this story and had fun writing this chapter and starting the new one!

minors, ageless blogs, and blank blogs will be blocked.

Keep reading

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [3] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 6k.

Part Two || Part Four ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist

Summary: In search of something important that was left behind, Y/n meets someone ‘new’ in Natasha’s life.

Content: angsts and a tiny bit of fluff at the end.

A/N: I promised this chapter months ago, but I’m happy to have it out! Lost a little bit of motivation with writing due to my job, however I’m getting back into this story and had fun writing this chapter and starting the new one!

minors, ageless blogs, and blank blogs will be blocked.

The absolute dread Y/n felt when she was woken up by a crying five year old by her bedside was incomparable. She had never heard Kennedy cry like that before and a sense of dread set in. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust, but once they did her eyes frantically scanned over Kennedy to make sure she wasn't visibly injured. She felt a sense of relief when she didn't see any marks or blood on her, but the little girl was still crying like she was in pain. Her tears would not stop flowing, eyes red and puffy from her crying.

"I can't find him!" She wails.

"Him? Who is him?"

Y/n's main concern was getting Kennedy to quiet down before they got a noise complaint. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed to pull herself up. Kennedy reached up for her and Y/n bent over to grab her, groaning in the process. She is still not fully awake so she cannot comprehend exactly what was going on. All she knows is that she wants to get Kennedy to calm down before she makes herself sick from crying this hard. She presses her against her chest and strokes her back to comfort her. This was once so odd for her to do, something that was so motherly, but she got over herself years ago and allowed herself to be some sort of parent when Kennedy really needed her.

"Can you tell me what's wrong? Who can't you find?"

Y/n begins to rock back and forth. Her efforts slowly begin to work as Kennedy's crying comes to a halt and she only sniffles.

"Raffie," Kennedy responded weekly.

"What? What about him?"

"He's not here. He didn't come back with us last night."

Y/n was always concerned about Kennedy developing attachment issues after one day mommy was here and the next day she was gone. She had a set of favorite stuffed animals, but the dingy giraffe she got from a trip to the zoo was her number one. She had it with her at all times. Y/n figured it was normal for kids to grow strongly attached to toys and other inanimate things, but her biggest fear was that Kennedy would feel alone and abandoned. Y/n didn't really have anyone to talk about these kinds of things, but google told her it was normal for Kennedy to be obsessed with the giraffe.

By the time last night's dinner ended, the stuffed giraffe was the last thing on Y/n's mind. She wanted to leave Natasha's apartment and be in the comfort of the hotel bed. Kennedy had only been up for a few seconds between the car ride and walking to the hotel room, so that's probably why she didn't make a fuss last night, otherwise she definitely would have let it be known that her best friend in toy form was not with her. Y/n tried to think of when and where there would've been an opportunity to somehow leave Raffie behind. Kennedy always keeps it next to her so Y/n finds it hard to believe that she would willingly let it go. The only time she can think of is when she picked Kennedy up to lay her on Natasha's couch -- it must've got left on the dining room chair Kennedy was sitting in.

Y/n sighs in frustration at the entire situation. She's upset with herself for not remembering to grab it before they left, and she's still on edge because she thought something truly awful happened to Kennedy. There isn't any way around avoiding going back to Natasha's house at this point. Kennedy won't accept a replacement and she will start crying again if Y/n even hints about her having to just forget about her beloved giraffe.

After what was a pretty contentious dinner, Y/n didn't want to see Natasha again or go back to her place. Her feelings were still unresolved, but she figured they were just going to have to stay that way. She came to the conclusion that it would be easier for her feelings to dissolve rather than her receiving answers. She needs to get over it. But, how can she do that when the universe has just pulled her exactly to the person she wants to avoid forever now? If she was being honest with herself, she would've like all these weird coincidences and happenstances a year or two after their break-up (and even a few weeks before this trip she was entertaining the idea of it "coincidences"), but the dinner had turned things sour despite there being some okay moments from the night.

"Are you sure he's not just hiding somewhere? He might be hiding under a table or something."

"No! I looked for him and he's gone! I want him back Y/n!" Kennedy whines. It's moments like this where Y/n knows she isn't equipped to deal with a five year old all by herself. This would be easier if she didn't have to face this ordeal alone, but life does not care for ease when it's indifferent. She can't skirt on her responsibilities as Kennedy's legal guardian and her parental figure. She has to suck it up because that's what parents do for their kids.

"Okay. I will try to get him today, but I need you to stop crying. Everything will be okay and you will see him again."

"I don't wanna stop crying...I'm sad," she whines as she pokes her bottom lip out.

"I know you are, and it's okay to be sad, but Raffie wouldn't want you to cry. Besides, you will be able to see him later today!"

Kennedy didn't seem convinced, still wanting to wallow in her sadness, but she nodded her head regardless. Y/n was able to sigh in relief and breathe for just a moment before realizing what she had to do later today. Last night ended so awkwardly, she doesn't know if she'll be able to show her face around Natasha without feeling like a dog with their tail between their legs. She doesn't want Natasha to think that she's making up a lame excuse to come back and see her.

Y/n felt too cowardly to call Natasha even though she'd probably be able to reach her quicker that way. She's afraid that her voice will crack and that she'll come off as lying when asking to come over to get a stuffed animal. Instead she texts her and closes her phone immediately after sending it. Typing out that simple message felt like she was sending a risky text and she feared looking back at her phone again. It's not like Natasha would say no or tell her to fuck off but she feared this would look like her trying to crawl back to her. But what's worse is her fear of coming off as desperate. As much as she wanted to cross paths with Natasha again (whether she admits it or not), she wanted it to feel natural and not forced.

"I'll go and get it today, I promise, but right now we have to go or else we'll be late!"

The little girl begrudgingly got up and let Y/n get her ready for the day. Y/n kept reminding her that she will be able to see her new friends again and that she will have plenty of other toys to play with today. Kennedy would nod along but she still poked her bottom lip out and had that sad look on her face. Y/n felt awful for a simple mistake that she had to make it up to her.

Y/n didn't check her phone until she got to the car. Surprisingly Natasha responded back to her fairly quickly, about two minutes after Y/n sent her initial text. Y/n doesn't know too much about Natasha's job these days so she wonders if she's still slammed with responsibilities or if she's so high up that the workload melted away.

'No problem! Can you swing by my place around two? I'll take my lunch just to meet you.'

'That sounds fine. Sorry for the inconvenience.'

'Don't be sorry about anything Y/n.'

Every time they talked, Y/n felt like Natasha was pitying her. She doesn't know if her ex is trying too hard, or if Y/n herself is just jaded.

Natasha was seemed to be extremely careful with what she says to Y/n and how she says it. She could be missing the mark in interpreting her actions differently, but god is there a part of Y/n that hopes she isn't. She wants Natasha to feel like she has to walk on eggshells and be remorseful (although, the redhead didn't hurt Y/n physically -- and looking at the big picture she did turn out "fine" -- there is no divorcing her relationships with other people from how Natasha had broken up with her). But, are these little moments of gratification worth it when she came back to the hotel last night and went to bed feeling torn up inside? She is uncomfortable; feeling constantly agitated by Natasha feeling sorry for her. Guilt she resulted in apologizing, not pitying.

No one has ever taken off the kid gloves when dealing with her. People have worried over her all of her life, but it never felt like it came from a place of care. Natasha had been one of those people who used her bare hands to deal with her, but now she's like all the tepid adults from her younger years. This treatment has caused Y/n to psyche herself out almost every single time. She was so scared to take this trip, especially since Kennedy is so young, but she felt like she had to prove a point.

Riding through this city isn't easy. Traffic is awful during the weekdays and cars are constantly beeping at one another. Kennedy sat in the back without a single thing to say. She would never stop complaining about the "noisy cars", but she's silent. Y/n feels bad knowing that at that age she was just as impatient and when Kennedy said it would be "forever" until she'll see her stuffed animal, it will really feel like it's been forever for her. Her hope is that Kennedy will find joy in something at daycare. Y/n gives her forehead a kiss before leaving her to start her own day.

Despite the other distractions that came with this trip, Y/n feels reprieve when she's here to do the thing that brought her back to the city. If she ever doubts herself in other aspects of her life, she knows for a fact that she's good at what she does. Only a few days into this trip and she feels comfortable in the building and lab she's working in. She finds it a bit scary that she finds herself getting a bit settled into city life. Back home is not small, but it's not Chicago. This lifestyle never appealed to her, but there is a dissonance inside of her that deals with trying to resolve her past while also feeling like a brand new person when she walks through these halls.

"You're 30 minutes over, you can take your lunch now, Y/n," one of the resident lab techs tells her. Her eyes peer over to the clock and it's way past the time she was supposed to be at Natasha's apartment.

She tries not to make it look like she's rushing out of the building, but it's hard to hide her panic. She passes a few graduate students who look at her like she's crazy.

She's not worried about not having enough time for her lunch, she's worried about standing Natasha up.

Natasha can wait, but Y/n feels bad thinking about that. Her phone hasn't buzzed nor has the ringer gone off. She checks her notifications quickly and finds not a single missed call. Maybe the traffic has Natasha running late, or she's at her apartment patiently waiting for Y/n to show up.

Her heart races as her power walks through the parking lot and hops into her car. The university is not that far from Natasha's apartment, but there is traffic to factor in. Traffic that makes her arrive 15 minutes later, so nearly 45 minutes after their meeting time. Still, she hadn't received anything from Natasha which confuses her, but right now she focuses on getting to her apartment.

Everything almost felt the same as last night. She parked in a spot near the one from last night, she walked the same pathway, and walked to the same desk with the same man sitting behind it. He just looked at her, remembering her as the woman from last night who really didn't look like she belonged there. He scoffed at her before nodding his head towards the elevator. The elevator still had that same suffocating filling with its tacky green carpet; she almost felt like she was walking into a death trap. 'If only I had grabbed' she repeats to herself, but beating herself up over it is futile. Leaving Kennedy's stuffed animal behind is an honest mistake, something that will be easily fixed. Yet, somehow it made her feel like a desperate little girl crawling back to get one last glimmer at her ex-girlfriend.

The elevator dings to let her off on the floor and Y/n decides she's going to make this trip as short as possible. She has to build herself up with every step she takes towards Natasha's apartment door. In just these few, short seconds, she reminds herself a hundred times that it won't be like last night. She knocks on the door and waits a few seconds for someone to answer. There is no sound of shifting or any movement behind the door, so she knocks again. Another bout of silence and she worries that she's missed Natasha. She checks her phone again and still hasn't received any other texts or calls from the redhead. She almost panics until she finally hears something from behind the door.

The door flies open, a bit abrasively, and although Y/n prepared herself for this moment, she was not prepared for a blonde woman to be opening the door. The woman looked her up and down and had a bit of a snarl on her face as if Y/n was interrupting her precious time. And now Y/n can't help but wonder, is this Natasha's girlfriend?

"Who are you?" The blonde asks, her accent hard to ignore.

Y/n felt a suffocating lump form in her throat. Her vision turned a bit blurry and she wondered if it was because of tears forming in her eyes, but nothing fell from her eyes. She felt unexplainable — something close to jealousy, but she would never admit that.

"Who are you?" She tries to sound just as bold as the blonde staring her down. She's sure her voice shook without her even realizing it.

"No, no, you first."

Y/n folds rather quickly, timidly introducing herself, "I'm Y/n...I know Natasha. I'm here to grab something."

"Hmm," is all the blonde says, as if she doesn't believe Y/n or trust her. Y/n can't really blame her, but if Natasha had someone here at her apartment then she should've at least told Y/n that. "I'm Natasha's sister."

She had expected the woman before her to say that she was Natasha's girlfriend, but her announcing that she's Natasha's sister stunned Y/n. Her jealousy relaxes but she has not completely calmed down. Now she's so damn confused. Sister? Natasha has never mentioned any siblings let alone a sister. In fact Natasha didn't talk much about her upbringing when they were dating. Any time she mentioned her younger years, nothing she said insinuated that she had a sister.

"Oh...okay," Y/n looks stuck on stupid, but she's in a state of shock. "I'm Y/n. I'm here to just pick something up," she responds in a low voice.

"I know. She told me, it's some toy right?"

Y/n felt a little annoyed seeing that Natasha's "sister" knew she was coming and still decided to act so cold towards her. Her annoyance doesn't bubble to the surface and she replies shyly with a "yes."

"Well, come in and get it."

She steps to the side and gives her space to come in as if she had been welcoming to her all along. Despite her somewhat dropping the uptight, bitchy act, Y/n is nervous just being around her. It's not surprising that someone related to Natasha is this intimidating. She was probably acting like that on purpose.

Yelena didn't know who to expect when she opened the door but it certainly wasn't Y/n. Natasha didn't tell her much about her or who she is to Natasha, but Yelena is not stupid. She is almost sure that this the ex Natasha had briefly mentioned recently. Yelena is the last person to be concerned with her sister's dating life, but she's starting to feel like having a bit of fun. Y/n is probably not that much younger than her but something about her makes her seem like a timid teenager, which is ironic since she allegedly has a kid. Yelena doesn't know much, but she wants to.

Kennedy's giraffe sits on the couch alone and Yelena grabs it to hand it to Y/n. To her it looks completely tattered and useless

"Funny how things like that hold such sentimental value to small humans."

"Yeah," Y/n's voice is thin, overcome by the awkwardness of this entire situation. "Well thank you, but I should get going."

"You don't have to leave so soon you know. Natasha might be coming back at any moment," Yelena was under the impression that this whole "leaving" the stuffed animal behind was just an excuse to be able to come back. Now Yelena isn't so sure about that when she sees the look on Y/n's face change at the mere mention of her sister. She doesn't seem thrilled by the idea of seeing her again which makes Yelena curious, "you don't want to see her? I thought you were an old friend?"

"I'm not too sure," she's not too sure about what? Y/n pauses before deciding which question to answer. "I'm not too sure if I should stay."

"Who are you to my sister?" She flat out asks. Y/n doesn't seem like the type that easily gives information out, it's going to take a bit of prying on Yelena's end. "She randomly started talking about you a few days ago and now you're popping up at her house. I can't help but be curious about who my sister has coming around."

There is something about Yelena that is much more intimidating than Natasha. She feels obligated to answer even though it's really none of her business. She's on edge because she's being questioned, and because Natasha never told Yelena about them. Natasha's friends from back then knew, but for some reason Natasha didn't tell her own sister.

"We kind of used to date."

"What does 'kind of' mean? You either dated or you didn't."

"We did date."

"When?"

"Years ago..."

"How old are you?"

"27."

"So years ago...you mean when you were 23...24?"

"It was when I was in college...so I was 19."

Beyond the line of questioning making her feel like she's being interrogated for a crime, Y/n felt embarrassed to answer her questions, especially the one about her age. Yelena has that same look of condescension in her eyes that Y/n has seen from Natasha before — maybe it's a family thing.

"You know, I don't know much about my sister's past. She keeps everything to herself — hell she didn't even tell me where she worked for the longest time. But she can be a bit sloppy with keeping things a secret, yet she hasn't mentioned your relation to her at all." The relationship between Natasha and Yelena is complicated, more than complicated. She didn't expect to be all buddy-buddy with her sister after all these years. However, at the same time it makes no sense to be so secretive when there is no threat. Yelena can imagine that there are probably things about Natasha that Y/n knows and she doesn't. The possibility of finding out more leaves her excited, and quite frankly, nosy. "But, what I do know about my sister is that you don't seem to be her type.

"What do you mean?"

While still being private, there had been instances where Natasha had slipped up and mentioned a few women here and there. It wasn't in relation to work so Yelena assumed they were romantic partners in some way. She's also witnessed women approaching her sister whenever they go to Bucky's bar and how Natasha would flirt back with them. None of those happenings lead to an official relationship which didn't surprise Yelena; their parents fucked them up raising them so strictly, of course Natasha wouldn't be able to easily form healthy romantic bonds.

Yelena isn't dumb, she knows when two people are simply just fucking each other for personal satisfaction. Nothing about Y/n screams that she would enjoy being just a one night stand or someone's fuck buddy. She's 27 yet looks a bit younger and seems very shy; that just doesn't seem like Natasha's type at all. The women Natasha liked to fool around with had extensive career history's and a name for themselves. Yelena doubts much would come up about Y/n if she tried to google her.

"Well for one you seem really young, and I don't mean age wise. Natasha has a particular taste, and she only has so much patience for someone. I can't imagine her having the patience to deal with a 19 year-old."

Yelena didn't mean it in an offensive way, but that's how Y/n took it. It's hard for her to retaliate because she assumes that Yelena probably knows more about Natasha than she does because they're siblings. A pout forms on her face that makes her look even more childish in the eyes of Yelena, and this need to prove herself (and her past relationship) rears its head.

"She was patient with me," Y/n responds defensively. She didn't want to defend Natasha per say, but whatever Yelena is thinking in her head is wrong in her eyes. Natasha hadn't told her a thing about their relationship if she didn't know who she was when she answered the door, so everything is just an assumption. "She was nice to me...she was good to me."

"Who broke up with who."

The silence coming from someone who randomly grew a spine confirmed what Yelena assumed.

"That's what I thought. Natasha likes being in control, which is why she's so good at her job but her personal life is the way it is. She's not the easiest person to understand. I'm her sister and I tried but she doesn't let anyone get inside of her head. I can't blame her for making that her coping mechanism." Yelena notices Y/n shifting uncomfortably on her feet, "you can sit if you want."

"I probably should go now."

"Aww, you're really going to leave me? I was just getting comfortable with you. I like talking to you -- you're not the best conversationalist, but you're better than Natasha's weird friends. You should stay, really. Just five more minutes, okay?"

She struggles to see the benefit in continuing to talk to Natasha's sister but she feels like she has no choice. Talking to her won't give her the answers to the impossible questions she has, but something tells her it's worth a shot to try to leave her having learned something. Plus it's human curiosity that makes her badly want to know what Natasha has said about her. She can risk being a little late heading back to work, god knows she isn't the only one who bends the rules a little bit.

"Natasha should've known she wouldn't have been able to make it today. She's a workaholic, she probably wouldn't leave work even if she was about to die. She's always been like that, hasn't she?"

"I guess so. She always would talk about work and seemed to be working a lot, but it was hard to tell since I was in school," Y/n answers truthfully.

"What college did you go to?"

"Brecker."

"Ah, the one south of here like an hour away, right?"

"Yea."

Y/n felt a bit uncomfortable, and her body language shows it. She knows herself better than to think the pressure wouldn't make her fold.

"And you have a daughter?"

"Well, she's technically not my daughter, but I am raising her."

"You must've been really special for Natasha if she let you bring a kid over. Her and Wanda go way back and yet she still gets all stiff around her kids. Did you ever meet Wanda? I shouldn't assume you know all of her friends."

"I met her once, at Natasha's birthday party years ago."

"She invited you to her birthday party? That's almost as rare as her actually doing something on her birthday."

Y/n is unsure what Yelena was trying to do. Was she just speaking truthfully, or is she trying to make her feel special? It has been beaten into her over and over that Natasha is not the relationship type, so that would mean their relationship was something "different"; but if it was so different, why did it end the way it did?

"I'm sure Natasha has someone around," Y/n finally speaks up. She couldn't listen to all the ways her relationship with Natasha was out of the norm for the redhead without it getting to her. "Wouldn't she get bored of working so much and so hard?"

"I thought the same thing but apparently she hasn't tired herself out yet. Natasha would never make it obvious though. I don't think she talks to many people these days besides me, and occasionally Bucky and Wanda. She's definitely not screwing anyone if that's what you're worried about."

"I-I'm not worried about that...I don't like Natasha like that anymore."

"I wouldn't be so fond of someone who dumped me either. She was the one that did the dumping, right? I only assume so because I don't think Natasha would ever put herself in a situation to be dumped."

"I don't hate Natasha. It was upsetting when it happened, but it's been years -- I've moved on," Y/n's voice shakes again, not because she's nervous but because she knows she's lying to both Yelena and herself. It feels alien to be playing defense for her ex because it's a proxy to defend herself. "She was nice to me and great while we were together. I don't...I don't think it was meant to last but that doesn't mean it wasn't good."

"You know, Y/n, every time you talk about the relationship, you don't sound so sure of what you're saying. If it wasn't good, you can just say that. I'm not going to go back to Natasha and snitch on you."

"You can't just make that assumption of people," Y/n says bitterly, "you yourself said you don't understand much about your own sister, so what makes you think you can understand a relationship that ended years ago?"

"Because you're not good at masking how you truly feel. You're not like Natasha."

"I'm nothing like Natasha, I don't want to be like her," Y/n clutched onto the stuffed giraffe as if she was the same age as Kennedy. She felt herself becoming so angry to where she couldn't control her words. "Of course you're Natasha's sister, you're a huge fucking bitch."

She's out of there in seconds, not waiting for any snarky response from Yelena and not giving a damn about slamming the front door to Natasha's apartment shut. She was angry at both Yelena and Natasha, but she was also embarrassed. She had cracked under pressure and snapped which is out of character for her. She felt an ounce of regret for calling Yelena a bitch, but she can't take it back.

Y/n is uncertain if this will get back to Natasha and if this will lead to them falling out. She can't imagine that Natasha and Yelena are on the best of terms, but after last night's dinner and what happened today, she and Natasha aren't really any better. She feels so stupid for not being able to control her emotions at her age, but at the same time it felt so liberating.

-

The day after the breakup was the most bitter day for Y/n, and Y/n alone.

The end of the semester was near, people had their plans for break, and everyone was filled with joy for the looming summer. The shared happiness left Y/n feeling jaded. She didn't share the news to her two friends in fear that they would insist on talking about it when all she wanted to do was pretend that it didn't happen. It was embarrassing that she wasn't even worthy enough to be dumped in person. So she kept quiet about what had happened the night before. In turn, her friends carried on like everything was just fine, and she felt like they (and everyone else) were smearing their happiness in her face.

Things didn't get much better when she went home for that hot summer. She was back at home with her parents and any self of sense that she had gained while away from home had been utterly crushed. She was too caught in her inner-whirlwind to give a damn about her parent's constant bickering and the signs of infidelity coming from both of them. She was so bogged down in her own thoughts of despair that she willingly accepted a volunteer position at the church she attended as a child. The broken AC-unit made it feel hotter than hell and the memories of her youth wouldn't leave her alone; but they drowned out the hurt if only a little bit.

But, the moment she became good at tuning out those rowdy kids, her mind drifted to that place of hurt. Not even as a kid did she have such an active imagination like she did that summer. Every moment she closed her eyes, even for a small second, she imagined that night. But, it was always a re-imagination of it going a completely different way; it somehow worked out in her favor. The one thing she never did was imagine that Natasha didn't break up with her. Them actually no longer being together was hard to fathom, but somehow she accepted that more than the way it happened. What she wanted was for herself to not have sounded so helpless on the phone. She had felt like thousands eyes were on her despite being alone in the student lounge. She wondered if her desperation had traveled and everyone down the halls could hear it. It ate her up inside wondering so much. The only thing she knew would make her alleviate even some of the pain was "sorry."

"I'm sorry...I'm really, really sorry."

Y/n looks up at her ex-girlfriend standing in front of her and she feels like a young college girl again. The first drops of rain are beginning to fall, but they're safely situated under the structure of her hotel's building. She gave Natasha the name of it, but she didn't expect her to come and beg for her forgiveness. Y/n leaned against the building, looking down at her worn shoes instead of Natasha. Kennedy is upstairs in the hotel alone, fast asleep with Raffie tucked safely under her arms. Y/n felt like an awful "parent" for leaving her alone for just a second. The text from Natasha asking her to come downstairs was compelling enough to sneak away for a moment. Natasha sounded so apologetic about what happened earlier with her sister that Y/n couldn't miss the opportunity to see her in person. When she does bring her eyes up to her ex-girlfriend's face, she feels a little bit of satisfaction to see the lines of age and stress.

But, why does Natasha show more remorse for her sister saying a few shitty things that pale in comparison to what she did.

Y/n says nothing as Natasha tries to explain why her sister is "like that" and make up for what she had done. If Y/n is being honest being honest, she isn't sure what to make of her ex- girlfriend's behavior.

"Natasha," her interjection was too quiet to overtake Natasha's ranting voice. She has never seen Natasha look so...clumsy. "Natasha," she calls her name again and it finally stops her ex from going off about her unruly sister, so Y/n continues, "it's okay."

Her response is simple, and it's almost shocking to Natasha. She was expecting Y/n to be pissed because that's how she would feel. Yelena had no right to pry into her life like that.

"I'm sorry," she says again but this time it isn't followed by a long-winded explanation about Yelena's behavior.

"Since when did you have a sister?" Y/n asks in a joking tone. She felt so awkward just leaning there against the wall while others walked by, so she had to do something to lighten the mood.

"It's a long story," Natasha says with a sigh."

"Kind of like the one about Kennedy and I?"

"Pretty much."

The mood had calmed down but not the rain. "You know you're going to get caught in a storm," she changes the subject. She isn't sure why Natasha is still here and not trying to make it home before the weather and traffic get worse.

"I know -- I've been caught in worse."

Y/n almost wanted to roll her eyes and laugh. She feels like she's seeing a different side of Natasha; one that is a bit pathetic.

"It's not a big deal Natasha. Your sister is just nosy, which I guess I understand especially since I'm essentially a stranger just showing up to your place. But I don't ever want to see her again," Y/n says bluntly. Natasha shouldn't have expected anything else, but for some reason she's stunned by Y/n she just said.

"O-Okay." It's not like she ever planned to have Yelena and Y/n in the same room again, but Y/n's declaration implies something she's not too sure what to make of. "You won't see her again," she continues.

"Good."

Y/n nods her head and Natasha copies her action.

The two of them have no business staying out here as long as they are, taking up each other's time. Last night was different because Natasha invited her over as the polite and kind thing to do. This "apology" could've been done over the phone, Y/n believes, but Natasha thought otherwise. People scurry into the hotel as the rain pours harder and the two idiots who still dare to stand outside just stare at each other. Y/n's inner battle of wanting to be angry versus wanting to be the "bigger person" has her frozen right now. Natasha is almost deathly afraid of what Y/n might say or do next and that has her stuck in the same spot too.

Y/n can only blame herself for leaning forward and getting close enough to Natasha where their lips are almost touching each other. She was going to do something stupid, but she has made stupid decisions along the way in her journey into adulthood. She realizes that she can't hate Natasha. No matter what happens, she cannot bring herself to hate Natasha. She was angry for years over what happened, but she never hated her.

"You should go," she says suddenly, before she can do something "stupid", and Natasha follows her words like an order.

All Y/n gets is a "see you around" and a small wave. She wanted more than that, but can't blame anyone other than herself.

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [1] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 4.2k.

- || Part Two ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist

Summary: Y/n is back in the city, a place she never thought she would be. A heavy cloud hangs over her until it produces a heavy storm.

Content: mentions of a past toxic relationship, slight angst.

A/N: I hate to call this a starter chapter because it makes it seem like it’s not important, but this chapter is just to get us started. I hope you all enjoy the sequel! It won’t be as long but it will tie up all the loose ends!

MINORS, AGELESS BLOGS, AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.

Keep reading

[luvcherry]

im going FERAL over zoe kravitz in the new batman movie oh my. would you write something with selina x reader? smut possibly? pretty please

𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐊𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 —

Content: Slight!Dubcon, arrange relationship (sort of FWB), mention of infidelity, dom!Selina, submissive!reader, degradation, pet names, oral.

Word Count: 0.6k

Reblogs are greatly appreciated 😊

Masterlist || Saturday Sleepover Masterlist || Patreon Masterlist

✰ MINORS, AGELESS BLOGS, AND BLANK BLOGS DNI, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED ✰

"Go on angel, don't stop."

For a voice and words that sound so sweet, Y/n still felt like she was being scrutinized; every flick of her tongue was watched and all she hopes is that she’s doing a good job. She tries to think more about enjoying herself instead of trying too hard to please the woman above her because she does like being between these legs. She tugs at the black garter that clings to Selina’s thighs. Her breasts slightly jiggle when she throws her head back in a gasp that leaves her mouth.

Y/n was a submissive person, she always has been and always will be. Selina knew that and decided to take advantage of it — all because she accidentally stumbled upon something she shouldn’t have. Y/n wouldn’t snitch anyway but Selina wanted to get some fun out of it. She did feel a tiny bit bad for stoking fear in the office girl when she threatened her but hearing her beg for mercy was exhilarating.

She had thought Y/n was inexperienced by how scared she was to touch her when Selina told her to do so. But she learned (without Y/n having to tell her) that she’s seeing some clueless guy in her office department. He must not be so interested if she drops whatever she’s doing to come between Selina’s legs.

“Cute little kitty,” she coos as she pats Y/n’s head. Her eyes are dark as she stares down at her. That heavy gaze prompts Y/n to suck on her clit and make Selina moan louder. She was the one giving her pleasure yet she feels so small down on her knees and gripping her thighs, desperately for more of Selina’s sweet honey. “So pretty for a dumb little girl. See how things are so good and so sweet when you obey me?”

Y/n nods her head and mumbles ‘uh-huh’ while her tongue is pressed against her clit. Selina can’t get enough of those unsuspecting eyes and soft lips against her cunt. Y/n was not that good at this when they first began but she was a quick learner. She responded well to praise, but Selina suspects that the degradation is what really gets her going. She calls her all those mean names and yet when Selina pulls her cute little panties down, the one with the white bow on the front, she’s dripping wet and her arousal is clinging to her panties.

Selina is so infatuated with Y/n that having her between her legs is one of the only few things that satisfies her these days. She can’t quite put her finger on why that is. Maybe it’s because she likes seeing her cute face between her legs.

Selina’s legs spread wider as she began to shake. She doesn’t let her dominance falter but in moments like this she lets herself feel that slight vulnerability that comes from getting eaten out like this. Y/n just tries so hard for her and when she sees those big eyes looking back up at her she can’t help but cum against her face and make it a little mess.

Y/n keeps lapping at her until Selina is pushing her head away. “Enough,” she spits at her. She isn’t mad at her, but it’s hard for Y/n to tell at times. She quickly pulls away completely and sits on her legs, looking back up at her for further instruction.

Selina was a bit dazed, she was out of it just for a few seconds. She was quick to remember where she was and what the task at hand was. Y/n’s face glistens with her cum and her hair a bit of a mess; just how she’s supposed to look.

“Don’t just sit there. Stand up and undress yourself for me.”

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [2] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 5.6k.

Part One || Part Three ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist

Summary: Y/n has dinner at Natasha's place.

Content: mentions of a past toxic relationship, angsts, mentions of death.

A/N: Wanted to post this last week but I got caught up with some personal stuff so I ran a bit behind on all my fics. But, I hope you enjoy!

MINORS, AGELESS BLOGS, AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.

Y/n wanted to look pretty.

She felt like a girl getting ready for prom, obsessing over how she looked in the mirror and if she accomplished her goal of looking pretty enough. Later that night at the hotel after running into Natasha, she realized she had nothing appropriate to wear to dinner. She was not expecting this to happen to her as it all occurred on her first day back in this city. She didn't want to show up in something shoddy, so she grabbed Kennedy from the daycare center and the two went downtown for Y/n to find something. The price tag on the dress she settled on is going to be felt next month when she's budgeting, but she doesn't pay it any mind. She feels like it's worth it and maybe in the future she will feel like she was stupid for buying that dress and going through with the dinner, but not right now. She had been thinking about how tonight will play out for the past 4 days. This is either her revenge or the funeral for her 20 year old self.

"You look pretty," Kennedy praises as she turns away from her stuffed giraffe for one second.

"Thank you," Y/n huffs as she straightens her dress out. She was so nervous that even the little girl could feel it, but she interrupted much differently.

"Why do you have to get so dressed up? Where are we going?"

"We're going to see my friend."

"Is it that lady from the frog store? She was kind of weird, she kept looking at me funny."

"She's not weird. She's just an old friend of mine and was surprised to see you with me."

"But, if she's your friend why would she be surprised to see me with you?"

"Because she's an old friend, Kennedy. I haven't seen her in years," Y/n finally stops looking at herself in the mirror so she can turn to face the five year old, "go put your shoes on and then we'll be ready to go. And don't forget your socks; it's warm now but it's going to get much cooler tonight."

Kennedy sighed in annoyance which made Y/n laugh in disbelief. Sometimes she feels like she's raising a teenager. Kennedy is a smart and normally a good kid, but she is the opposite of Y/n as a young girl. She's not timid or overtly obedient, she's one of those kids who doesn't have a filter and it doesn't help that she's too young to read the room. Y/n purposely didn't tell her much about Natasha because she knows the little girl will snitch on her somehow. But, she did feel a bit guilty about not telling Kennedy more while they're in a big city together for the first time. Although Y/n has her personal problems with Natasha, she knows that her ex-girlfriend would never ever do anything that would lead Kennedy to harm. Y/n trusts Natasha with a small child, just not her heart.

Y/n takes one last glance at herself in the mirror, admiring the gold earrings she found in the discounted section of one of the stores and how the black dress she found just fits her perfectly. She was dressed more for going out to one of those nice restaurants like Agwi or that one with the statue outside that scared Kennedy. She was dressed up as if she was going out on a date, but she can't admit that to herself, at least not right now.

"You ready?"

Kennedy gives her a nod, her little backpack hanging off of her shoulder, and Y/n takes her hand and holds onto it tight.

She's so damn nervous that she feels like she's going to throw up. Kennedy talked the entire drive over to the new address Natasha gave Y/n. Y/n tried to engage with her to take her mind off of the butterflies bumping intensely in her stomach but it was hard for her to find anything to say besides "oh" and "hmm."

Y/n noticed that her GPS was taking her to the area of the city with the more expensive apartments. She felt like an imposter just driving through the streets of this district. Natasha's last apartment was probably pricey simply due to location but there was nothing super fancy about. Stark Industries has to pay someone with a position like Natasha well, but it was just so surprising for Y/n to be coming around these parts to visit Natasha. Just because Natasha had a nice job and rubbed elbows with upper-class entrepreneurs and Silicon Valley tech workers doesn't mean she was like them. Or at least that's what Y/n thought. She doesn't really know anymore (and she isn't sure if she ever knew), but she isn't going to judge her. Y/n's sure that once she moves up the ranks in her job she's going to buy something better than the small 2 bedroom apartment she has back at home.

'You have arrived at your destination'

The robotic voice sounds out throughout the car and it makes Y/n's stomach churn. She's so damn nervous that she almost misses the entrance to the apartment's parking garage. There was a limited parking area for guests just like Natasha said. All the spots were nearly filled but Y/n managed to find one.

Natasha lived on the 5th floor. It was a pretty tall building but it had many floors because the apartments on each floor were huge (that's what she discovered when she went snooping online when she was deathly curious about where Natasha lived now).

"You have to be on your best behavior, okay?" Y/n bent down to be at Kennedy's level, balanced on the slight elevation from the boots she decided to wear. "You're normally very good for me, but I just want to remind you to keep your hands to yourself and not touch everything that interests you, okay?"

"Okay," Kennedy nods her head as her voice is filled with annoyance. Y/n always gives her this lecture when they go somewhere important and she's tired of hearing it. As long as she has her entertainment in the form of her giraffe and her child-proof tablet then she'll be fine.

"Okay, let's go."

It was intimidating walking through the garage and seeing all the nice cars parked in their assigned spots; not even the staff parking lot at the college was filled with this many newer car models. The building itself was secured and Y/n had to walk through a long hallway that only led to the lobby. She wasn't surprised to see a receptionist at the desk separating him from visitors. She felt like she was in a hotel again, but this is just one of the amenities the stupidly rich have.

"Hi, I'm here to see someone on floor five," her voice slightly shakes. The man doesn't even look at her which makes her feel a bit small, like she's not relevant at all.

"Apartment number?"

"Uhh, I'm not sure. I'm here to see Natasha Romanoff?"

"Sorry, I need an apartment number."

Y/n furrowed her brow in confusion. This is one of those buildings that don't want to confirm any of their residents that live there for the sake of anonymity but Y/n felt like the whole process was ridiculous. She had to dig her phone out of her purse and text Natasha to give her the apartment number. It took her a little bit to receive a text back with 'E53'.

"The apartment number is E53." The man seems slightly annoyed at Y/n's interjection but she doesn't care. She just wants to be at Natasha's door already because at least she'll feel a smudge more comfortable around someone she knows.

"Okay, you have access to the elevator."

It was such a weird process for something so simple, but Y/n didn't protest and soon enough her and Kennedy were riding up the elevator to Natasha's floor. Kennedy held onto her hand tight at the quick ascension. Y/n looked down at her to make sure she was okay. It may not be the most correct thing to do, but Y/n knows if she somehow needs to make an escape from an awkward conversation or Natasha tonight then she can use Kennedy being "tired" as an excuse to get out of there.

The elevator dinged and Y/n's heart dropped. She was realizing that this is very real and she's stupidly agreed to this. Just because she's older now doesn't mean she wasn't going to fold at the mere sight of her ex-girlfriend's face. She's desperate for this to go her way so she doesn't leave her with egg on her face.

She stops right at apartment E53, but she hesitates to knock. She lets go of Kennedy's hand and adjusts her hair to make sure it looks good. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh which makes the five-year-old look up at her like she's crazy. Finally she knocks on the door and she's never been so nervous in her life; Y/n wishes she was in Kennedy's position, just oblivious to everything that's going on.

"Just a minute!" A muffled voice calls from the other side of the door. Y/n nods her head as if Natasha can see her. She hears the shuffling of feet getting closer to the door until it opens up. The second that door cracks open Y/n feels like she's too dressed up. She can't ignore how Natasha's eyes travel up and down her body with an expression she can't read. "Wow, you look great," the redhead croons.

"Thank you. So do you."

Natasha looked like she was still wearing her work clothes which made Y/n feel young again for being the only person to put so much into something. It was fitting for the occasion, something she would laugh about because of the irony if she wasn't the person in the situation.

"You two can come on in," Natasha steps out of the way to make room for Y/n and her...not-daughter to step into her apartment. She wanted to catch up with Y/n in general but she had so many questions about the little girl holding her hand. She doesn't resemble Y/n at all so they're not sisters, besides Y/n would've just said that on the phone. She fully understands if Y/n is hesitant to tell her why she's taking care of a whole human, but she might die if she doesn't find out somehow.

"It's really...spacious here."

Y/n remembers Natasha's old apartment as if the last time she stepped inside was yesterday. If Natasha still stayed at that apartment she thinks it would've made her more hesitant to accept this invite. It wasn't a bad apartment, quite the opposite. It was way smaller than her new apartment but that's what gave it that quaint, cozy feeling. There were books haphazardly stacked and placed on a bookshelf while papers were always somewhere on the floor. Natasha's old apartment was the apartment of someone who was too busy to get their life together, and that should've been a sign for Y/n. Still, she was very fond of that apartment although the thought of it was too painful at times. Even after the years began to grow longer and longer, she remembered the instant warmth she felt the first time she went there, that first day she met Natasha in person. It was a stupid pipe dream to think that that would be their apartment someday, but she used to fantasize about it a lot when they were dating.

"Dinners' almost done. You two can sit in the living room and wait while I set up the dining table, okay?'" Natasha's voice snapped Y/n out of her daze.

"Okay."

They awkwardly parted and Y/n guided Kennedy to the couch. It looked very expensive just like everything else in here. The walls were decorated with paintings and there were vases placed on end tables. Y/n never took Natasha to be the one who decorated her home in such a nice and neat fashion. Sure there were posters on the wall of her old apartment, but that doesn't compare to paintings.

Natasha was mentally berating herself the entire time while in the kitchen. She worried about not making Y/n feel comfortable enough or not really acknowledging Kennedy enough. She didn't regret asking Y/n to come over for dinner, but she wishes she would've sorted her thoughts out first before ever making an offer like this. It would be a lie to say she hasn't thought about Y/n in these last seven years, but she knows what type of girl Y/n is (or at least what type of girl she was), and she can bet that Y/n thought about everything ten times more than Natasha did. She felt a bit guilty thinking about Y/n losing sleep over their failed relationship, but Natasha has mastered the art of distracting herself from her personal life using work. So many things have happened in her career that it would be impossible to sit down and tell Y/n everything within these next two hours. She doesn't want to anyway, she wants to focus on Y/n.

"Dinner's ready!"

Y/n grabs Kennedy's ipad and stuffs it back into her little book bag.

"Can I bring Raffie?"

Y/n looked at the look on her face and then to how tight she was holding the stuffed animal. She seemed a bit stressed due to the new location, but it was also because she didn't see Y/n react warmly to the redheaded woman so she doesn't know if she can trust her either.

"Sure," Y/n says, sympathy painting her voice and her eyes. She felt bad for dragging Kennedy along but the university's daycare closes around this time, so she had no other options.

Natasha is just finishing adding the dishes to the table when Y/n and Kennedy walk in. Her eyes light up when she sees them and she urges them to take a seat. It's not a big dining table so there aren't many options, but Y/n did not want to sit next to Natasha. Instead she sat across from her with Kennedy taking the seat to her right, her stuffed giraffe sitting on the extra space of her chair.

"I didn't know if the table would be too tall for her, so I bought a booster seat if she needed one."

"Natasha, you didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to do that. It's the least I can do."

"I think she's fine," Y/n turns her attention from Natasha to the girl, "you okay, Kennedy?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Natasha wasn't super fond of kids as she hadn't really been around them, but Kennedy was adorable. She knows she's not Y/n's daughter or anything like that, but it's still very surreal to see them together. Natasha can tell by the way Y/n's eyes linger on her that she's very protective of her and they must have some sort of bond that mimics a mother-daughter relationship, or at least the relationship of two sisters.

"I made spaghetti. I made other stuff, but I figured spaghetti would be a good option because I heard young kids can be picky — I was at that age."

"Spaghetti is perfect. Kennedy likes it a lot." Kennedy nods her head in agreement with Y/n's words. She was nervous about this stranger, but that began to dissipate when she learned she would be eating spaghetti.

Watching Y/n fix her plate and remind Kennedy not to make a mess was interesting to say the least. She sounded like such a mother Natasha was still unable to grasp the entire situation, including that Y/n is here in her apartment, right in front of her, right now. Y/n's slight nagging reminded Natasha of her mother, but a much nicer, softer version. She only wanted the best for Kennedy and wasn't going to make her feel dumb when talking to her.

"So," Natasha interjects while fixing her own plate, "is the city like you remembered?

"Pretty much...I mean nothing has really changed, but I also hadn't explored the city much in the first place."

"That's true. We didn't go that many places. Which hotel are you at?"

"The Echo, it's more towards the outside of the city."

"I've heard of it before. Very fancy."

"Yeah I'm surprised my job put up the money for me honestly."

"Mmm," Natasha hums.

This dinner is more awkward than she wanted it to be. She suspects it's because there is an elephant in the form of a five year old in the room that severely limits Natasha.

"So, are you in preschool, Kennedy?" Natasha's voice is stiff as she asks the child a question. She has had conversations with very powerful people but no one makes her quite as nervous as children. She just doesn't know what to say to them or how to talk to them because she's not a child.

"I'm in kindergarten," she answers, mouth full of spaghetti.

"Chew and swallow your food before speaking, okay? It's rude to talk with a mouth full of food."

"Okay, Y/n."

It was surreal to see Y/n in this motherly role, but from how Kennedy talked to her it was obvious that they didn't have an explicit mother and daughter relationship. They acted more like sisters which made Natasha nearly desperate to know what the full backstory of this is. Y/n tries to speak to Kennedy in a stern voice but it always comes off as soft and gentle. Her words sounded more like suggestions than concrete rules for life.

"Sorry," Kennedy apologized to Natasha who really did not mind that a kid was being a kid, "I'm in kindergarten!"

If this was any other child Natasha would probably not be too fond of them, but this little girl seems to mean a lot to Y/n. She can see it in the way she looks at her. She can also see the insecurity in Y/n's eyes which she guesses is in regards to being a parental figure.

"What's kindergarten like?"

"I don't know...it's easy. I like coloring and playing with my friend," she explains to which Natasha nods.

Kennedy is very different from both Natasha and Y/n as children. She has that sense of freedom the two of them never felt at that age. Y/n was not going to raise this girl like her mother did her; it wouldn't be fair to neuter a young girl's potential before she even knows what that word means.

Kennedy had finished dinner faster than the two adults which resulted in a tummy ache.

"I told you about eating too quickly, Ken," Y/n softly chides her as Kennedy starts to cry crocodile tears.

"I'm sorry...can I lay down?"

Y/n suspected that she was tired and that's why she's making a bit of a fuss. She had a long day playing at the daycare and now she's worn out. Y/n looks to Natasha before she can answer the question.

"She can go lay down on the couch. I'll grab a blanket for her."

Y/n nods before pushing herself out of the seat and picking Kennedy up. She carries her to the living room where Natasha is there grabbing a blanket for one of the closets'. She lays Kennedy on the couch and grabs the blanket from Natasha who stands closer to her. It's one of the softest blankets Y/n has ever felt as she unfolds it and lays it over Kennedy.

"If you need me just call my name, okay?" She reminds her as she tucks her in like they do at home.

"Alright," Kennedy says through a yawn. From the look of it, she'll be out in a minute or two.

Y/n stands up and watches over her for a few seconds. She stares at her to make sure she doesn't magically disappear before she's comfortable enough to leave the girl alone to fall asleep.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt dinner," she apologizes after turning to Natasha.

"It's okay. We can finish up."

Now they were alone; the adults in the room. Natasha could finally talk candidly without worrying about her language around a child.

"Is it easy?"

"Is what easy?"

"Being a...parent? I don't know what to call you," she admits truthfully, "but you're clearly her guardian and she's very fond of you."

"You should see her when I'm trying to make her turn off PJ Masks so she can go to bed," Y/n quips.

"But she definitely listens to you and respects you. She seems like a good kid."

"She is. No child is "easy" to raise per say, but I am glad that Kennedy makes things a little bit easier."

Natasha was beating around the bush, trying her best to avoid the real question that has been plaguing her mind. But she wants Y/n to feel comfortable enough to tell her. Prying it out of her would be too scummy in her opinion.

"Have you been seeing anyone?" Natasha pivots the conversation with the other bold question she wanted to ask.

"I don't have time. Between work and Kennedy, I barely get enough time to myself, yet alone time to date. There is this guy at my work who flirts with me but he reminds me of my father — huge turn off."

It's true that Y/n is too busy to date, but she could make time if she really wanted to. She's just too jaded right now to date. She's always had the fear that anyone she dated would move on from her because she didn't fit into their lives. Even when it was someone who lived a similar life to her, she just felt like she was a bit too odd to fit into someone's life. Then Kennedy came along and she was afraid of the stigma of dating as a single "mother." She's not going to talk about the circumstances surrounding her and Kennedy all willy-nilly so many of potential suitors have written her off when they found out about the little girl.

"I haven't gotten out much either. The con of being a career woman."

Y/n wasn't sure if that was supposed to reassure her or not. She doesn't care to know about Natasha's dating history after their relationship because she knows it will set off some jealousy inside of her. But she can't help but compare herself to the hypothetical partners in her head.

"I'm sure we'll both find the time to date someone someday."

"Maybe...it might take a little longer for me since my career quite isn't where I want it like yours is. I have a ways to go. And I rather focus my extra energy on raising Kennedy. She needs me."

"I have to ask," Natasha couldn't hold it in any longer, "what is Kennedy to you? Is she your sister?"

"Oh, hell no. My parents stopped touching each other when I was like 12. I don't even think they like each other anymore. Kennedy isn't mine and I'm not related to her by blood. It's just...do you ever have a story that is too complicated to tell? One that has too many side stories and footnotes that tie all together to make the story make complete sense?"

"That's it every story I have from college," Natasha jokes.

"Well this is mine."

"If you don't mind, you can indulge me. I don't mean to offend, but you were never really one to have a lot of friends so I worry you may have not had anyone to talk about all of...that."

"It doesn't offend me because you're right. It was never easy for me to make friends and that hasn't changed. I do talk to a few coworkers so I'm not alone. Sometimes it's better to just keep things to myself."

"But, you don't have to with me."

Y/n knows that, but what's the point? She's only here for a week-and-a-half, and she isn't even sure what she wants from Natasha. She accepted this dinner for a reason but now she's backing out.

"If you don't trust me, I understand. You have the right not to-"

"It's not about trust. I trust you with the story. I just don't want you to feel like you have to shoulder the burden of it."

"It's the least I can do."

'The least I can do'

That was becoming the tone of this trip. Y/n noticed Natasha say that to her more than once. It was her way of atoning, hoping that all those small gestures could make up for what she had done. Neither of them are naïve enough to think forgiveness works that way. One dinner and one talk isn't going to give Y/n what she wants, and neither is it going to make Natasha feel less guilty. Both of them are scarred from this and it's time to either patch up the wound or rip it open again.

"Amy and I became really close," Y/n begins, "it was random and came out of nowhere. Cindy kind of...she kind of faded out of the picture but it wasn't by any of our choices. Amy and I moved in together after graduating and Cindy went to grad school across the country. Amy got in a relationship with this really awful guy. Long story short he knocked her up and left her. We were practically raising Kennedy together," she pauses for what feels like a minute but is only a few seconds, "then she got in a really bad car crash. I don't want to go into the details of it. I had to fight really hard to get custody of Kennedy — I was so lost and clueless while doing it, but she had no one else but me. Amy's grandmother died a year after she was born and she really has no other family besides an estranged older brother. They wanted to put Kennedy in foster care, but she knew me and loved me, I couldn't let her go."

Natasha inhaled sharply at the story. She didn't think it would have taken a turn like that. She feels awful for Y/n; awful that she was probably alone in the process too, it makes her guilt grow even larger.

"I wish I would've reached out."

"It's okay, Nat. You didn't know and no one expected this to happen. Neither of them can change the past, but I'm just glad that everything is okay now. Kennedy doesn't really remember much about her mother, but I like to remind her everyday. Amy really loved her and it's unfair they were separated like that. I could never replace the spot of a mother, but I will try my best."

"I can tell you're doing a great job, Y/n."

"Now it's my turn to ask a personal question...Natasha, why did you invite me here? Are you trying to say sorry without saying it? I don't want to dwell on the past..." It was such a lie because that's all Y/n has been doing for these last few years, but she doesn't want to admit that in fear of looking pathetic. Natasha may not have been in any long-term, serious relationships since the two of them broke-up, but she's sure Natasha has had someone in her life since.

"Honestly? I'm not sure. I do feel bad. What I did wasn't right. I don't want you to think I regret our relationship, but I do hold most of the blame because I don't think I should've progressed it any further. You were young and only in college while I was reaching some of the heights of my career."

"But, it was my choice," Y/n says hastily, "I made the choice to be in the relationship too, not just you."

"I'm aware, your consent was always important to me, but did I ever make you feel like you were pushed to be with me?" Natasha asked that for the sake of herself. She can be domineering at work but sometimes it spills into her personal life. The last thing she wants to be is the person who forces relationships (romantic, platonic, professional, whatever) onto people.

"No. I wanted to be with you and I enjoyed it. It wasn't always easy but I just figured that it was because of my first relationship. Plus relationships are not easy in general and heartbreak is inevitable."

It is, but Natasha certainly could've gone about the break-up in a better way since she was the older party. But, she doesn't admit that out loud.

"Do you think we were a good match?" Y/n asks.

"You want my honest answer?"

"Of course," no matter how painful it might be, Y/n needed to hear the truth so she could maybe start the process of getting over this.

"It was just the right person, wrong time."

Y/n never noticed the small things like the hesitation and vague answers before, but now it's glaringly obvious and it's almost upsetting.

"Ugh, don't say that. I don't like stuff like that. It was either we were a good match or not."

"Things are more complicated than that, Y/n."

"Oh, spare me that," she responds with a bit of anger. She didn't mean to let her emotions get the best of her but she has wanted to say something for years and now she's sitting directly across from the person she needed to get these things off of her chest to. "I know things are complicated, but sometimes there are clear distinctions of right and wrong. I'm not a little girl anymore, and I know that some of the stuff you did to me back then was fucked up." Y/n's anger begins to bubble but she keeps her voice low so Kennedy doesn't wake up to her saying "no-no" words.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I told you I regret a lot of things, including even starting the relationship. When I realized that maybe a relationship wasn't what you needed, I should've been more careful."

It was hard for Y/n to get what Natasha was saying. Just because time has passed doesn't mean she has grown all that wiser. She just felt like Natasha was being cruel with her power because she simply could. Y/n couldn't bring herself to regret their relationship (even the arguments they had), but she did mull over what maybe she could've done differently to change the outcome.

"I guess," Y/n says defiantly. She wasn't going to see eye to eye with Natasha tonight, and maybe not ever.

"Regardless, I don't think you should give up on love because of what happened between us. I'm sure you can easily find somebody."

"Well, the same goes to you."

"I'm pushing 40 Y/n, I'm old," Natasha jokes. She always had this air around her that she was too bothered to be in a relationship and now that she's older she wonders if it's even worth it.

"40 isn't old, Nat.

"Maybe old isn't the right word, but I'm definitely...definitely settled into my ways."

Y/n hums; she couldn't disagree with that.

It was later than Y/n expected. She was grateful for having to go in later for work tomorrow since it's a Friday."

"We should be heading out. I don't want to keep Kennedy out too late."

Natasha almost forgot about the little girl since she was so quiet in the living room. "Of course," she responds before standing up from the table. Their dinners were partially eaten, a sign that their conversation swept them up more than the food.

Kennedy was sound asleep on the couch and Y/n was hesitant to wake her up, but she had no choice. "C'mon Ken, we gotta go." Y/n was met with groans from the fussy five-year-old. She knew she was going to have to carry her all the way back to the car.

"Do you need any help? I can walk you both to the car."

"No, no, it's fine," she answers as she throws Kennedy's book bag on the same shoulder as her purse. "She looks heavy but you develop a super strength when you have to carry a sleeping child," Y/n jokes.

With a half-sleep Kennedy in tow, Y/n lets Natasha open the front door for her.

"Thank you for dinner. It was nice to eat something other than fast food and college cafeteria food."

"No problem. I hope you enjoyed it — and I hope our talk wasn't too much."

"It was fine."

The two kind of linger for a bit, the air around them becomes stiffly awkward again. Was this goodbye-goodbye or just a 'see you later'?

"Have a good night, Nat."

Y/n begins to walk down the hall before Natasha can respond. She pokes her head out the door to watch the two and make sure they make it to the elevator. Natasha wanted Y/n to look back at her, maybe give her a little wave or something, but Y/n kept looking forward.

[luvcherry]

Let Me In [1] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 4.2k.

- || Part Two ✾ Complete Chatroom Masterlist

Summary: Y/n is back in the city, a place she never thought she would be. A heavy cloud hangs over her until it produces a heavy storm.

Content: mentions of a past toxic relationship, slight angst.

A/N: I hate to call this a starter chapter because it makes it seem like it's not important, but this chapter is just to get us started. I hope you all enjoy the sequel! It won't be as long but it will tie up all the loose ends!

MINORS, AGELESS BLOGS, AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.

"If you keep dragging your feet we're going to miss the shuttle!"

"I don't like it here, it smells," the five year old groans, tugging hard on Y/n's hand. The plane ride had been fairly easy with her, but the young girl grew restless as she had to walk on her own. The moment they began their lengthy walk to baggage reclaim, she complained that her feet hurt and that she was tired. She braved it earlier due to the excitement of flying for the first time, but now she was making it harder for Y/n. Y/n did her best to keep her at bay, but nothing she said could get her to stop whining. Once they made to bag reclaims, Y/n had to carry both of their carry-on bags, roll her suitcase in her free hand, and make sure she didn't lose the five year old in the busy crowd of the airport.

"I know Kennedy, but we have to keep going, c'mon. We're almost there."

She held onto her hand tightly as her suitcase rolled against the pavement. Y/n feels a little bit bad about dragging the little girl along as they exit the airport, but it's either that or being forced to wait another 30 minutes for a shuttle to the rental car pick-up building. Y/n had developed the skill of tuning Kennedy out when she really needed to; she's learned to just deal with the guilt later.

Every step felt a bit more agonizing than the other. Making it to the shuttle gave her the smallest feeling of relief, but it's something she'll take. The small bus is fairly crowded already but there is one open seat left. Y/n helps Kennedy up the stairs and ushers her to that open sear. A few eyes gloss over the two before reverting back to their phones. Y/n feels so awkward and out of place even though she has no reason to feel that way. It's been some time since she's had to deal with the busy process of the airport and she forgot just how much anxiety it gives her. This was Kennedy's first time on an airplane, and Y/n's first time going somewhere more than 50 miles with her. Y/n stands close to her, worried that somehow if she takes her eyes off of her for even a second that the girl would disappear. Y/n's mother offered to come with them, but Y/n politely declined her offer. It was hard enough to answer her phone call in the first place; she just isn't ready to talk to her yet let alone be around her.

The cracked windows of the bus allows a breeze to flow in and out. Y/n is grateful that she's in the city now when it's Spring, almost Summer, time. It's lovely in the winter, but she doesn't think she would be able to handle the snow and the cold while alone with a five-year-old Kennedy. She hasn't seen snow yet, but maybe when she's older they'll come back together so she can see just how pretty a city looks when it's covered in a light dust of snow.

"I'm hungry," the whine of a child is unmistakable and Y/n worries that Kennedy will annoy someone riding the shuttle with them.

"Shh, I know you are. I promise when we get the car and then we'll stop and get some food, okay?"

The plan seemed to placate the little girl who was playing with the straps of her little book bag. They had run out of snacks half-way through the plane ride and Y/n was worried about a meltdown happening. Kennedy kept quiet but sat there with a pout on her face and her arms crossed. Y/n took her silent fustration as a win since it's better than her crying.

It seems as if the shuttle driver was driving painfully slow, making a 25 minute trip into a 45 minute one, but they finally arrived to their destination. They come to a stop and a few people file out before Y/n and Kennedy can even prepare themselves to leave. "C'mon," Y/n whispers to her, grabbing her hand and holding it tight. They start towards the exit before some man grabs Y/n's suitcase for her to give her a helping hand. He gives her a sympathetic look, one that she is used to and has learned to stop taking the wrong way. She's just glad to have made it this far even though their journey isn't complete. With Kennedy's hand in hers, they walk inside the car rental center.

What was a hectic 7 hours felt worth it once they were secure in the car and driving into the city. Y/n feels oddly safe when she begins to recognize buildings and high rises as she drives into the city's limits. These buildings are so painfully familiar to her. She can hear Kennedy constantly going 'wow' in the backseat as they pass more and more tall buildings. Everything is so big compared to her and it must be a nearly magical experience for her. Y/n had the same feeling when she first stepped foot into this city.

"Are those buildings touching the sky?"

"Kind of. If we have enough time we can take a tour of the tallest building in the city. It's so tall that we'll be floating on the clouds!"

Kennedy let out an excited giggle that made Y/n smile. It is bittersweet. Completely bittersweet. She was coming back to this city, mixing her old life with the new.

Y/n hopes that everything goes smoothly with her job, Kennedy, and herself. She fears the elephant in the room is going to make itself known and cause a disruption in her life. She is older, but she is not necessarily better with handling her emotions. She became an expert at repressing herself by age 10 and she easily can do the same with her emotions as an adult. The feelings of sadness and disappointment she's felt in recent years feels like nothing compared to the first half of her 20s. More devastating things have happened to her since she was 19, but heartbreak she experienced as a teenager is fighting to overtake every heartbreaking moment of her life. Y/n has fought back very hard to keep those feelings deep down. But the dissonance in her head and her heart had her feeling completely out of whack the moment she accepted the offer from her job.

For the last few weeks she pretended like she didn't care about the particular location and that it didn't mean much. Yet the years of imagining and secretly rehearsing the scenarios she drummed up in her head where she comes out on top serve as evidence that coming here does in fact mean much. She does care. No matter how hard she tries to convince herself she doesn't, she absolutely cares.

The chances of running into anyone familiar is slim seeing as this is a city with over two million people. Her and Kennedy are drowned out by the sea of locals, expats, and tourists. But even just being here makes her wonder.

-

"It's two weeks long. I know you've got Kennedy to take care of but the university provides a daycare service. Dr. Bennett specifically requested you — you were recommended by an old teacher of yours. this would be great for your resume, Y/n, and it's paid for. I hope you don't let this opportunity pass you."

Y/n found it tedious to travel for her job. Location aside, she didn't like having to make a decision about something so major so quickly. There are many, many pros to this little two week work trip, and virtually no cons honestly. But it felt like a ripping off the band-aid off of a wound too early — except she suffered that wound 7 years ago. Now she sits in the place that is the very genesis of where her problem began.

Kennedy was buzzing to go into the place with the giant frog outside. It looked just the same as it did when Y/n first came here years ago; not even a single poster had been replaced. She hesitated to step inside but she had no choice when the five-year-old developed some mysterious strength and dragged her to the door as she walked on her little feet.

"Look at my frog!" Kennedy croons. Y/n quickly shushes her so she doesn't disturb anyone around them. Y/n noticed a few annoyed glances when she walked in with a small child in tow. She knows what it's like to be bothered by the presence of a kid in a place that caters to an older crowd. But, she also finds herself being upset at the people who look at the two of them with contempt. Other people's reactions to Kennedy is still something Y/n is not used to. The town they live in is so small and to itself, so it's easy to skate by anyone. A few older women in town will fawn over Kennedy if they spot her and Y/n at the grocery store or library. Other than that, it's always just Y/n and Kennedy.

"Make sure you finish up all of your food; alright? We have to go soon."

"But why?" There was a little bit of sadness in her eyes made Y/n feel guilty. She's had a tumultuous morning, experiencing an airport and airplanes for the first time in her young life. The least Y/n could let her do is enjoy her time here for a little bit longer, but they have to check into the hotel sooner rather than later.

"Because we have to get to our hotel. Don't you want to walk around, and maybe see if they have a pool?"

Kennedy looked at her with excitement before nodding her head profusely. Y/n's not so sure about the second half of her plans, but anything that placates Kennedy is good. She was probably too tired to even put up much of a fight. Y/n is swamped after the hectic morning the two had and she almost wishes they hadn't even stopped at this damned café. The freneticism of this morning is partially her fault due to obsessing over whether or not Kennedy was going to behave. Most of the plane ride she was on edge thinking about someone yelling at them because Kennedy was too loud. Y/n is a big girl now, but confrontation still scares her. She also fears Kennedy facing the harsh realities of the world for the first time. She fears that if that day comes, she might not know how to stand up for the two of them.

But, she doesn't have to worry about that now. It's easy for her to become inundated with the what-ifs and scenarios where everything goes wrong that it's hard to remember that everything is fine. Y/n's worries are a part of a larger fear she's playing the game of pretending it's not there. She has problems to confront, but right now she is fine. Kennedy is preoccupied, playing with a little plastic frog, and not making a fuss about them having to leave soon. A song Y/n remembers from years ago is plays through the speakers and it serves as a reminder that she's made it here safely. She's always so in her head, always worrying about how she's going about her life. Slowly this becoming a debilitating coping mechanism when she has very real things in the real world to deal with.

She lets Kennedy enjoy a few extra minutes snacking on her food and playing with her toy before telling the little girl it's time to go. It wasn't as painful to be here as she thought it would be. The familiarity makes it comforting as she hasn't been anywhere else outside the small town in Arizona where she resides now.

"It's time for us to go now," she quietly ushers her to grab her little bag and the toy she quickly grew fond of. Kennedy didn't complain about having to leave, much to Y/n's relief. She could always actually take Kennedy to the hotel's pool if she ever gets too upset, but that's her last resort.

"Can we watch TV when we get back?" Kennedy reaches up with her small hand and Y/n grabs a hold of it, both of them holding onto each other tightly in what feels like a strange world for the both of them.

"Sure, but after we put all of our clothes away, okay?"

"Fine."

Y/n has this habit of looking down at Kennedy as she's talking to her even if she's walking. She's walked into strangers before because of it. It's no longer feels like a huge embarrassment since it has become a frequent thing, but Y/n always feels a tiny piece of guilt for not paying attention to her surroundings. When she feels herself colliding with someone, she realizes that he has happened again and she immediately goes into apology mode.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry...sorry!" Y/n backs up and apologizes to the person. Her first instinct is to look down at Kennedy to make sure she is okay, so she doesn't even make eye contact with the person she just ran into.

"I thought that was you."

Movies and TV shows have told her that a familiar smell, sound, or voice can transport a person back to a poignant time in their life; today was not the day Y/n wanted to learn that that was true. She looks up and feels like she's got the wind knocked out of her. Not even the collusion was as jarring as registering Natasha's voice and face in her head. Suddenly it felt like the Earth had shifted underneath her feet and she felt uneasy. Of course the thing to pull her back into her body was Kennedy's little voice.

"Sorry for running into you!" She says as if she was the one being so careless and clumsy. She's completely oblivious to what is going on.

Watching Natasha laugh and bend over to reassure Kennedy that she hadn't done anything wrong made Y/n's blood run cold. She found herself warring with her needs and her wants again. She needs to keep walking and leave as quickly as possible, but what her subconscious wants is to stay here. She knows that Natasha didn't wake up this morning and expected to see her ex after years of being apart. Y/n can certainly understand if she's confused and shocked by not only her presence, but the little girl holding onto her hand tighter now, but maybe she wouldn't ne so in the dark if she made different decisions.

"I...I'm sorry," Y/n repeats, this time her voice hoarse from her mouth becoming dry. She's sure that Natasha is still able to read her like a book and can feel how deathly nervous she is. She feels stupid by choosing to just stand there instead of continuing on about her day, but she's paralyzed.

Natasha stands tall again and looks at her. She looks at her as if they're old classmates or something like that; not people who once dated each other. It's partially because Natasha isn't sure how to act right now.

"It's okay, Y/n," she reassures her.

Kennedy looks between the two adults as they stand there silent for a few seconds. She's so confused but her five year old brain would not be able to comprehend this moment even if someone tried to explain it to her. She doesn't know why Y/n is frozen in the spot, not saying anything, and just staring at this stranger. She misinterprets Y/n's behavior as fear and begins to feel weird about the woman with red hair.

"Why are you here — I mean — why are you in the city? I never thought I'd see you here again," Natasha laughs nervously.

"I'm here for work," Y/n responds curtly.

Natasha nods her head which makes Y/n nod her head too as if she's her mirror. It's more awkward than any moment Y/n had as a teenager and wants the floor to open up and swallow her whole. It's like seeing Natasha's face leaves her stuck on stupid and she forgets to function as herself. She feels too many emotions at once that it's dizzying. She she doesn't even have the words to describe some of the things she feels. Her body feels to be no longer under her control and she wonders if this is just a vivid dream that she will wake up from in seconds and will still be on the plane in midflight.

"Excuse me!"

Without thinking, all three of them step to the side. Neither Natasha or Y/n realized they were blocking the exit to the café. Natasha can't be mad at the guy who yelled at them because they were being a nuisance, but this is an important moment that Natasha doesn't want to be ruined by outside influences.

Natasha never thought this would happen more so than Y/n. She didn't think Y/n would want to step foot into this city ever again; she already wasn't too fond of it, plus Natasha had given her a reason to hate it. She can't decide which is more shocking, seeing Y/n here at this café where they met for the first time or that she has a child holding onto her hand for dear life right now. She can't help but keep glancing down at the little girl because she's desperately trying to see if she can recognize the traces of Y/n's face in hers. Natasha had not checked up on Y/n after deleting her Myspace page, and she felt too guilty to find her on Facebook (if Y/n even used it).

She wonders if Y/n is still mad at her even after all of these years. She wouldn't be able to blame her if she was mad. The more time Natasha had to sit with her thoughts she came to the conclusion that what she had done was shitty to say the least. Not just the break-up itself, but the entire relationship as a whole was a bad move on her part. She knew that in the moment when it was happening, but those few months after she felt worse and worse about it. What Natasha wasn't expecting was to feel so bad about it right now. Y/n is not a young girl anymore, she's 27 now, but in her face Natasha can still see some of that innocence she had in college. It's good that a part of the light in her eyes hadn't been completely dulled, but she's so curious if it's because she's matured or not.

"How long are you staying in the city?"

Y/n is hesitant to even give her an answer. She knows what that question will lead to and she knows she won't be able to decline any offers from Natasha. And that's exactly why she answers, "two weeks."

"Two weeks is a long time! What are you going to be doing."

"Oh, I'm a research assistant. I'm going to be working in the university downtown. I didn't want to do it, but you know how jobs give you better opportunities if you clear your whole life schedule and travel for them."

What was a little joke to clear up some of that awkward air was a reminder of why it's so awkward to be around Natasha in the first place. Y/n sees a change in Natasha's face, a flash of guilt, but the redhead quickly washes it away. Y/n didn't mean it in that way even though deep down she still has that resentment towards her ex-girlfriend.

"That sounds great," Natasha's eyes flash down to the little girl who is anxiously buzzing before looking back at Y/n, "well I won't hold you two up any longer. But, I do want to extend an invite to have dinner. It's the least I can do." Through the formalities and faux friendly behavior is a show of humility from Natasha. The look in her eye is almost sympathetic, like a nice good meal is the best she can do to offer Y/n some comfort for a pain she caused seven years ago. "You two will probably be eating out a lot, so I can cook so you can have a homemade meal," she continues.

Before she can't process anything Y/n's lips are moving and she's agreeing to this plan.

"Great. I have a new place that's nice and big, and I could use some guests to help me break in the place. We can exchange numbers and go from there."

"It's still (630) 555-3825, right?"

"Yeah," Natasha is shocked that Y/n still remembers her number. She also can't gloss over the fact that Y/n figured she wouldn't change her number. "That's exactly it."

"I'll call. Okay?" Natasha nods her head. Y/n looks down at Kennedy to check in with her; the little girl was growing restless just standing there and listening to the adults talk and they're going to have to go soon. "I'll see you later."

Y/n gives her a small smile, the first one of the trip, and the first one Natasha has seen in years. It's refreshing to see even if she can tell that it's forced when she sees Y/n's true emotions are right in her eyes.

Y/n walks past her and leaves the café with Kennedy in tow. Natasha is still a bit stunned that that actually happened. It was like a movie moment in real life but without the glamor and a more painful feeling. She didn't expect a happy reunion, but she at least thought the tension between the two would have lessened. It's been 7 years, many career changes, and possibly many relationships later, that should require someone to move on to an extent. She hopes that the dinner will be more lighthearted and less awkward. She can't believe Y/n accepted her offer, but if she's anything like she remembers then Y/n still struggles to say no.

Natasha leaves the café and heads home in the opposite direction of Y/n's hotel. What was once a decent, sunny morning turned into a bitter afternoon. It was the opposite of what Natasha felt inside. She felt an optimism that was almost uneasy. For years after that break-up she was desperate to make it up to Y/n for her ego's sake. She wanted to prove to Y/n and herself that the break-up wasn't just a power move. But, it is also easy for Natasha to delude herself when she wants to justify her actions that cause emotional harm. She'll have to reevaluate what she gains from this and what she wants out of it, if she wants anything, but right now she revels in the happenstance.

That is until her phone begins to buzz and takes her out of the moment. An unfamiliar number pops up on her screen. She rarely answers calls from numbers she doesn't know, but she does this time.

"Hello?"

"I'm just making sure you have my number."

Natasha was not expecting Y/n to call her just five minutes later. Y/n didn't expect to call her either but she wanted to hear that voice again and how it has changed so much yet still tugs on her heart all the same. She's too stubborn to admit any of that to herself though.

"Oh okay. I have your number now."

"Okay. My work schedule isn't exactly always accurate so I'll be the one calling you," Y/n says matter-of-factly.

"That's fine. I'm off of work every day at 4."

"Okay I'll call you when I can to set up a time for dinner. Bye-"

Natasha quickly interrupts her before she can hang up, "Y/n?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you something? I don't want to be rude or pry, but I'm just very curious."

"Sure, go ahead."

"Is that your daughter?"

Y/n is surprised Natasha hadn't asked her sooner. She kept looking at Kennedy with a mix of fear and confusion when they were at the shop; Natasha tried to hide it in her eyes but it was so obvious to Y/n. There is no way that a person wouldn't have many questions when seeing their ex with a small child. Maybe Natasha didn't ask earlier because she wanted to be polite and not ask in front of Kennedy. Y/n is grateful for that.

"No. She's not mine, but she is mine...if that makes sense."

"It does." It absolutely doesn't make sense to Natasha, but now is not the time to try to get any more information out of Y/n. Despite there still being some confusion, Natasha feels a sense of relief wash over her at the answer.

"Okay, well I gotta go."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye bye."

Natasha's plans when leaving the house today to run some errands was to go home afterwards and continue her productive day. Now she feels like kicking her shoes off and taking a bottle straight from her wine cellar. Bucky is going to be in for a story tonight.