luvehhj

[luvehhj]

Do No Harm

Hello - its Gem again ✧⭑๋ I wrote this fic about 6 months ago when I was in a weird place and just now got around to edit it and make it presentable. I hope you enjoy ♡⊹

✶ Word Count: 19k (sorry)

★ Genre: !afab reader x Bang Chan

✹ Rating: Explicit 18+ Minors Do Not Enter

❀ Comments: Tropes used: friends to lovers. Mentions of anxiety, depression. Hurt/Comfort. Mentions of Ex husband (not skz). Self deprecation. Slow to smut but it gets there. Unprotected consensual sex ; some cursing ; very light d/s dynamics. Please let me know if I left out any big TW/CW.

‎‎₊˚⊹ 𐦍༘⋆₊ ⊹

Nothing could have prepared you for the deep wave of nausea that hits you. The week had moved fast, too fast for your mind to process what occurred. Nothing is particularly shocking about the events; you knew it was coming. Bolting awake without an alarm on Saturday morning, firm, bright light fighting its way through your dark blue curtains, you find yourself lightly gasping and clawing at the damp sheet that’s covering your half naked frame.

Alone. Truly alone, again.

Yanking the sheet off, you rush into your bathroom and flip on the icy water from the sink faucet. The soft churning of the water and its cool contents hitting the porcelain pulling your focus from the pit in your stomach. You pull your hair into a quick bun at the back of your head with the hair tie sitting to your right, still on the counter from a few nights earlier, and stick your wrists in succession under the water, shocking your system into rebooting. You signed the divorce papers late Tuesday evening. Work was busy enough that you hadn’t had a chance to sit and think about it during the day. Two emergency surgeries this week: a large German Shepherd with a broken femur and a young cat struggling to birth on her own. Both were successful, and you’re ashamed to admit that if they were not, you’re unsure how you would have been able to deal with it. By night you were so exhausted from your early mornings that a glass of wine and a plate stacked with an assortment of veggies, cheese and deli meat was all you could muster before falling asleep in bed or on your large, too comfortable couch. TV turned loud enough to drown out your thoughts but quiet enough to lull you to sleep.

The freezing water brings your attention forward and you inhale deeply. A soft shake cascading down your spine as the breath leaves your lungs. Glancing up at yourself now would be a mistake. Instead, you’re softly pushing the tap off, placing your hands on the cool countertop and shutting your eyes to reel your breathing back in.

As if on cue, you hear your phone with its unsettling, cheery ring going off in your bedroom. Not the time, you think to yourself. The phone continues its lively tune until whoever is caught on the other end goes to voicemail. If it’s important, they’ll leave a message. However, the phone barely stops its melody before it starts again.

Aggravation seeps into limbs. How dare someone interrupt my panic? My pain? This moment is for you alone. No one else needs to see or hear how pathetic you feel right now. But what if they can help? It wouldn’t hurt for them to try. But it would hurt. It would hurt you for them to try and fail. Knowing it was foolish for the attempt. It would hurt them to give their all in sweet sincerity just for you to still be a pile of lost puzzle pieces at their feet by the end. You push off the sink and trail your way around the bed to your nightstand, wiping the water from your wrists and hands on your sleep shirt as you reach for your still ringing phone. The contact is there, lit plainly. As is the clock above it that reads 11:38 AM. A rush of guilt, or denial pinches your nose and brows together. You rub your eyes, press the green button, and give yourself a few seconds before lifting the device up to your ear. “Hey,” you try to conceal the shakiness, but anyone with ears can hear it. “Hey Bug, sorry I called you twice, but this is time sensitive. Are you busy right now?” his voice is strained also but nowhere near the same edge as yours. “No. I was just cleaning the bathroom.” A harmless lie. It will make sense of the tiredness in your voice.

“I thought you only cleaned on Sundays?” He’s not pushing, just a genuine question. Of course he remembers that. You roll your eyes slightly. “I spilled some coffee on the floor yesterday morning and didn’t have time to properly clean it. Sue me for not wanting sticky feet.” You’re unsure why you continue the lie. You could have easily just brushed past it and moved on. Deceit never did feel good on you, but in this moment, your endorphins have come down from your rude awakening and the embarrassment is pushing you to cover it up. “Anyways Chris, what’s up?” Just divert it. You can hear a soft laugh from his end. He seems nervous, and you’re not sure why he is but you’re also nervous. You hope your emotions aren’t seeping through the phone. “Well, I know this is really last minute and I know you take your weekends of rest very seriously, but I was invited to my sister’s opening today, and of course I want to support her, but I’m in one of those… ya’know, moods. I was hoping you could come with me so I can show face and also have you as my trusty support to help get me out of conversations I can’t exactly stomach right now.” His words are rushed and straightforward. Laced with ragged breaths and a few uncomfortable fake laughs. You know this feeling all too well. A yielding plea of someone to hold your hand through something so small and mundane to most but overwhelming and suffocating to others.

You pull the phone far away from your face again to take a long-tremored breath. You didn’t mention to him on purpose that Alex and you signed the divorce papers this week. You know he’d worry about you and at the moment you can’t fathom having his soft eyes and voice trained on you. You’re certain he would have done his best not to make a big deal out of it at your wishes, but his character is not lost on you. “What time is it?” you bring the phone back and ask him. “Right now? Uh, it’s almost noon?” he sounds confused. “No Chris, the event. What time is the event? I haven’t showered today, and I need to know what style to dress in.” You sound exasperated but it’s not at him. “OH! So, you’ll come, yeah? It’s at 1pm. It’s casual and I’ve already gotten ready if you want me to come over and help you pick something out? I figured I’d pick you up anyway. Seeing as you’re doing me a favor and all…” “No no, that’s alright. Just picking me up is fine. Is noon too early for a glass of wine? Don’t answer that. I’ll, uh, just get ready right now and I’ll see you in 40?” You lightened your tone and hope he picks up that you’re fine. He is anywhere far from a burden, and you trust he knows that. “Okay perfect, see you soon. And Y/N? Thank you again. I really do appreciate it…” His voice is soft and deep. Softer than at the beginning of the convo, and the sweetness in it creeps down your chest, willing your heart to unfreeze. Even just for a moment. You nod, brush off his niceties, quickly say your goodbyes and hang up, tossing the phone on your bed. Forty minutes is not nearly enough time to tighten all the red string that’s holding together your expressions or emotions, but you’ll just have to make do. He would do the same for you in a heartbeat. What you do have time for is a glass of wine, a bit of cheese and bread, and a shower.

You pull out a freshly ironed pair of black high waisted trousers, a black belt with a gold buckle, a crisp white crop shirt and a black princess vest style top with ties in the front, paired with black boots. The outfit sits splayed out on your bed, and you sigh, rubbing your face with one hand. The fit is as dark and depressed as you. It's not worth rethinking. What is worth it is the glass of wine you pour and bring into the shower with you. Placing it in your designated ‘wine only’ spot on the top rack of your shampoo holder. You hopped into the shower before the water was a decent temperature, so you back yourself against the tile, letting the water rush in front of you with your head leaned back and eyes closed. Can’t let him see your pain today. It’s a fair assumption to think he might already know. Heard from an acquaintance about the week’s events. People never know how to keep their mouths shut especially when talking about things they have nothing to do with. Or worse, everything to do with. The alarm you set earlier on your phone to give you a timing warning goes off. You scramble a still dry hand out the side of your shower curtain and swipe the off button. Shit, 20 minutes. Truly no time to overthink now. The expensive wine in your cup doesn’t deserve this but you down the rest in one gulp and rush through washing yourself, hoping your hair has the decency to dry nicely on your head without having time to style it properly. By the time you’re dressed, you know he’ll be arriving any minute. Shoot him a quick text saying the door is open and start your make up. He can wait, but the bags under your eyes and the paleness of your skin needs to be dealt with. You hear the front door creak open, “Heyyyyy, I’m here!”

“Just a minute, I’ll be right out!” you yell back. One final swipe of a light mauve lipstick to your lips and a glance at yourself in the long mirror on your bathroom door. One could say you look nice, fresh and ready for the day. However, if they took the time to look in your eyes, like really look into your eyes, they would notice otherwise. As you step out into the living room, he is sat in one of your large emerald armchairs scrolling idlily on his phone, one arm leaned against his knee with his head resting in his palm. His eyes bolt up at once upon you entering, and he stands just as fast. “I’ll go change,” you quip out before turning to head back to your room, but before you can fully turn around one of his strong hands gently catches your arm and pulls you back to look at him. “What? Nooo, it’s fine, it doesn’t matter. You look nice, and I don’t think anyone will care or notice.” He has a big, dimpled smile on his face. You blink a few times to stomach the immediate ease it brings you. You wiggle your arm free and step back to look him up and down, gesturing wildly at him and yourself. “Chris, we are basically matching head to toe.”

He's wearing fitted black slacks with a belt, a fresh white tee with a black button up shirt open and black boots. Topped with one of his favorite hats. It couldn’t be any more identical, but his buckle is silver to match the chain bracelet that sits delicately on his wrist. “I promise you its fine. Our plan is to stay incognito as much as possible. Besides, we’re going to be late.” And before you have time to protest again, he pulls your purse off the hook and opens the door, nodding for you to exit. “You look great. It would be a shame to let that outfit go to waste.” His smile dons his teeth this time, and you can’t help but give him a small smile back while slightly rolling your eyes. “Fine, okay. I hope they have good snacks there.” You grab your purse from him and walk through the door, trusting him to turn the locks on the inside before he shuts it.

⊹ ⋆ ₊❀∿.✧ཐི༏ཋྀ󠀮✧∿.❀₊ ⋆ ⊹

The opening went smoothly. A couple rushed glances from him telling you he was at his limit with a certain interaction that you solved deftly with a “Sorry to interrupt, Chris can you show me where the restrooms are?” or “Oh I left my phone in your car, would you mind grabbing it for me? I’m expecting an important phone call.” Giving him reprieve from unwanted questions. He spent a quiet moment with his sister towards the end which left you at a deserted snack table munching on decadent squares of brownies, and crackers perfectly arranged with soft cheese and prosciutto, garnished with a sort of pickled onion. A quiet moment for yourself. You spent your time here closely following his movements and body language. Picking up on the little things people usually wouldn’t notice. His fingers fidgeting with his bracelet. A short shuffle of his shoes, bouncing on one foot to the next. Things you’ve picked up on the years you’ve known him. Little alerts to your mind that he’s in a silent war with himself. 7 years is a long enough time to align yourself with someone’s idiosyncrasies. It especially wasn’t hard for you knowing he shared your same anxieties. You’ve always put each other at ease. In college, pulling the other away from isolating study sessions to take a walk and breathe fresh air. Silently keeping tabs on schedules to leave a favorite sweets or drink on a desk before a daunting exam. It was never implied that it was expected. It was easy. Inevitably when you parted, both off to specialized schools to further your individual career paths it was more than difficult to say goodbye. You weren’t especially far from each other, less than a two hours drive. But eventually the short, happy, safe moments you often shared before were long gone. The hole they left was deeper than you had imagined. You kept in touch during those years apart. Meeting once or twice a month and calling often to check in or distract each other. When you met Alex, however, the meetings slowed to a halt, your attention drawn elsewhere. He was happy for you, understanding your absence and missed calls. You thought you were happy, too.

Your attention is ripped from your thoughts at a soft touch to your lower back, jumping from the contact and almost dropping the last bite of brownie from your hand you turn to see his shocked expression hands up to his sides. “Oh, fucking hell, Chris, you scared me.” Placing your free hand on your chest, you will your heart back into its normal rhythm. His shocked expression turns into an almost gleeful laugh. “I’m so sorry; I thought you heard me call your name.” “I guess I must have been entranced by the flavors of this brownie. Have you tried one yet?” He looks to the quarter piece in your hand and to the table, where the plate that once held the brownies is left barren. “Oh, uh, whoops.” You smile sheepishly and offer the last bite up to his lips. He takes it carefully from your fingers with his teeth, but you don’t miss how his bottom lip drags along one of your fingers for a moment. He closes his eyes as he chews, then they open and crinkle at the corners. “Mm, delicious. Now how about we get the hell out of here and eat something more substantial.” You can tell his eyes are tired and worn down from the social interactions, but the way he looks at you with admiration never changes. “I thought you’d never ask.”

⊹ ⋆ ₊❀∿.✧ཐི༏ཋྀ󠀮✧∿.❀₊ ⋆ ⊹

The car ride was comfortably quiet. Both of you relaxing into the gentle hum of the car and nonexistent expectations to be “on” anymore. Shutting your brains off for a moment, taking contented breaths. You agreed that eating at a restaurant would be more than either you could handle now, instead opting to pick up some pizza and go back to your place to unwind before the day’s end. By the time you arrive at your humble apartment, it’s nearly 5pm. You shuffle around in your purse for your keys and swing the door open gesturing for him to enter before you. “Pizza first.” Your lips make a smile out of a thin line. He laughs and dips his head as he walks through the threshold. Closing the door behind you, you hang your purse and kick off your shoes. Turning to see he’s still standing in the entryway, shoes off waiting for your next move. “Go ahead and dig in. I’m gunna go change real quick, this belt is driving me to madness.” You slip past him and make your way to your bedroom. “Do you want to eat at the table or...” “I didn’t skip the restaurant just to sit at an equally uncomfortable chair at home.” You say with a smirk over your shoulder as you enter your bedroom. As soon as your feet hit the cold tile of the bathroom, you’re reminded of your morning long forgotten since you kept your mind busy focusing on Chris’s needs today. Thinking of how you were planning on spending the day quite literally rotting on the couch by yourself - if anyone knew how to keep you from yourself, it would be him.

You fuss with your buckle and pull the belt from your pants in one swoop, coiling it up and setting it on the bathroom counter. Whether or not he knows about the finalization of the divorce papers, you’re not sure. If he does, he’s fantastic at hiding it. Could he have pulled you to this event on purpose? To keep your mind busy when he knows you need it the most. It’s not unlike him to predict what you need before you know it yourself. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you stand still, frozen for a moment, evaluating your indistinct expression. The way you’re sure your shoulders don’t stand as tall as they used to. How your favorite pair of pants digs ever so slightly tighter on your hips. Your eyes glaze over at the silent judgment in your head, and you spot your trusty shower wine glass sitting empty in its space. That certainly needs tending too. Never mind your doom and gloom right now. You quickly undress and throw on a comfortable, plain t-shirt, some black biking shorts and grab your empty glass heading back into the living room. “Ah, there you are.” He beams up at you from his favorite spot on your couch tucked into the left corner, legs up and crisscrossed under his body. The table has two plates, each with 3 slices of pizza barely fitting except one plate, your plate, has a dollop of ranch squeezed onto one side. In front of your plate is a wine glass filled halfway and in front of his sits an unopened beer. “Beat me to it,” you smirk at him and jiggle the empty glass in your hand. He pats the empty cushion next to him – “Least I could do.”

You slide past him and flop down in your seat, setting down your empty cup, grabbing the full glass of wine and taking a long sip. “You did good today. How’s your sister? I only got a quick moment to say hi to her.” He pops the top of his beer off and clinks your glass before taking a swig and sighs, staring up at the blank wall above your TV. Fiddling with the paper label on the bottle. “She’s great. Like usual. I’m really proud of her. Being able to open a second store was never in her plans but she excels at everything.” He sighs again and takes another sip, places his beer on the table and leans back on the couch. That’s all he really wants to say, and you can tell. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk about her or that he’s not actually proud, because he is. You’re aware of the pressure he puts on himself. By no means is he doing bad in his career. His life. But you're not the type to assume everything is fine just because things seem to be in order on the surface. You silently place a hand on his knee that’s closest to you and give him a patient smile. His eyes fall to your hand, and he reaches out to grab your fingertips, giving them a quick squeeze. “Eat your pizza before it gets any colder.” His turn for diversion.

You both tuck into the pizza while mindlessly scrolling through a streaming app to find something to watch. Landing on an old classic comedy you’ve both seen a hundred times and could probably recite the lines. The bottle of wine found a spot on your coffee table, nearly empty by now. And you had no intention to stop there. 

It was unlike Chris to drink more than a beer or two. Tonight, after the three beers that were left in your fridge from the last time you had a few people over, he popped a second bottle of wine and poured himself a glass along with topping yours off. To others there would be some concern. To you, nothing but a friend needing a little extra help in the quiet your mind department. However it wasn’t working as well for you this evening. Feet propped up on an ottoman next to the coffee table, your body insisted on sinking heavier and heavier into the cushions. Seeking to be enveloped. Pulled down between cracks where the dust bunnies and, likely, a forgotten hair pin lived. 

You can tell he’s feeling better. Laughing almost a little too loudly at jokes he’s heard before. Lips permanently parted in a delicate contentedness. Hands locked behind his head, leaning back, legs stretched out and spread before him. Relaxed. Comfortable. Seeing him this way makes you feel guilty. As if he should be somewhere else, with someone happier.

Someone who could really help him feel better. Who could hug him tightly without letting their own shadow creep over him. The wine was making your head fuzzy, but where it would usually quiet your emotions, they seem to swirl in your lower belly sticking to anything with purchase. You weren’t upset about the divorce in a common sense. Yes, you had loved Alex, but the stability and togetherness were something you craved the most. It’s not hard to tell yourself now why you latched onto him and the idea so quickly. You were simply afraid of being alone after you and Chris had stopped being so close. Something you’ve never admitted out loud but are aware that your ex-husband surmised after just a few short years of being married.

Sitting here now, next to him, smelling his familiar cologne, hearing his laughter and feeling that easy tranquility that comes with your relationship. It should be enough. So why do you feel this way?

Your eyes sting and your throat tightens as you stare down at your empty glass. Willing the tears back in with an iron grasp on the glass stem in your hand. “Hey hey hey, what’s going on here?” he coos at your side, and before you can turn your head to face away from him, you’re pulled across the cushion to rest your head on his lap. He removes the empty glass from your hand and places it on the table, then lays one hand on your shoulder while the other gently strokes your hair. Something he knows well will help ease you. You sink down into him and squeeze your eyes shut, covering them with the hand that’s not lodged beneath your body. “I figured I’d wait ‘til you brought it up,” he says delicately above you. “Your sister texted me Thursday. Said she was worried about you but wouldn’t tell me why. As I expect you told her not to,” he rakes through the bangs obscuring the view of the hand covering your face and traces a finger over your pointer that’s resting over your eyebrow. “We don’t have to talk about it, but I wish you would have told me.” He sighs lightly.

Your hand frees from your face and balls in front of you placed on his knee - “What is there to tell, Chris? We all knew it was going to happen. I mean, we’ve been living apart for almost 6 months now. All we did was sign the papers and finalize the results of our shitty decisions.” The tears have made their way out, and they seep onto his nice slacks. A physical example of you spreading your disease.

“I didn’t want you to worry about me.” Your fist unclenches and falls palm up on the couch in front of you.

He hums in understanding. “You’re aware that I always worry about you, right?”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” You flip your body around onto your back to look up at him.

“How long have you been doing that? Worrying about me? Your career is taking off, no matter how much you want to downplay that, along with Felix joining your company. You’ve moved back closer to your family, which I know pained you to be so far away, and I heard from Changbin last month that Lisa asked to give it another shot. Why do you insist on always keeping tabs on me?”

You shoot up from your place in his lap and turn your body to face him. The tears that were streaming have crawled their way back up as your mind races with confusion and misplaced anger. “You have so much to look forward to, Chris. We’re not stupid college kids anymore. It just doesn’t make sense to me how you continue to give a shit about this sorry sack of shit sitting in front of you.” You sigh and close your eyes rubbing at them with your fingertips. FUCK. You know he doesn’t deserve this, and you’re not even sure why you felt the need to say any of that. In its essence, your friend is just doing what friends do. Being there for each other. For some reason, though, his care always felt different than anyone else’s.

You know why it felt that way for you. But even after so many years, you never let the thought fully develop.

“Are you done?” His hand pulls yours away from your face, and he’s switched his position on the couch to face you. He tilts his head forward and locks eyes with you, his expression a look of ‘now was that really necessary?’ with a small smirk on his lips. “Do you feel like you need a reason for me to care? Did you have a good reason to drop whatever plans you had today to come help me out at my sister’s event?” His eyebrows knit together. You know these are rhetorical questions. You let a breath escape you and lull your head to the side, staring at the empty space between you two on the couch. My reason was ‘it’s you.’ I’d do anything for you. You keep this thought locked tight and away from his ears. “No matter how much I feel like I’m trying to help you I feel like it will never be enough. Or the good kind. The kind that actually helps. I think I’m stunted.” You bring your arm up on the back of the couch and bend it, laying your face in the crook of your elbow. An arm comes out, and his soft hand connects with your back as he rubs small circles between your shoulder blades. It’s been a while since you had prolonged contact with him, and it feels good. You’ve spent a decent amount of time together over the last year but typically just brunches turned into lunches, or him dropping off food to your house for dinner making sure both of you eat well. You still your body and whisper a selfish silent prayer in your head that he doesn’t stop.

“I've never seen any problems with how you care. If I were to look back at the receipts, I'd say 99.9% of all your attempts were successful.” It’s apparent he’s saying this through a smile. You don’t lift your head but mumble into your limb, “And the other .1%?” “Remember that time in our third year at university I was upset my roommate had to move out, and you bought that insane painting from the vintage shop of that lady with a really long neck to put up on his side of the room and keep me company? I still have nightmares about her, I swear." His hand stops its movement on your back while he’s recollecting the painting. Your head pops back up to make eye contact, a mock look of shock on your face. “I thought she was pretty and elegant!” “Her eyes staring off into the distance... or was she looking at you? What was she looking at? Why was her neck so… long...?" he ponders, letting his eyes glaze over while glancing over your shoulder to solidify his point.

The tightness in your chest breaks way to a full belly laugh. Catching him off guard and prompting him to join in the fit. Both of your incessant giggling bouncing off the walls together. “You’re ridiculous you know that?” You say as your hysterics subside, gently slapping his knee. Your bodies had both shifted closer to each other on the cushions during your laughter, and your anxieties have settled again. Safe. Easy. Staring down and fiddling with the hem of your shirt mindlessly, you hum out your comfort. “Bug?” He whispers his silly nickname out for your attention. Still with a half-smile on your face, eyes downcast, picking at a string that should not be meddled with, you respond, “Yeah?” You wait a few moments for a question or statement, but the air stays silent. “Wha-…” Your words are cut off by a clashing of lips. His hand on your cheek guiding you up to face him, his plush lips firm but slightly off mark from aligning directly with yours. Your eyes widen and a hand flies up to catch his wrist. A small but not unwelcome spark flits up your lower back as you start to register what’s occurring. Then the realization fully develops.

Your stomach flips in a somersault. First down to the bottom where it feels alive and floating, prickling the tops of your thighs; then up to your throat where it sticks and tries to strangle you from the inside out. A panic settles there. You pull his hand away from your face and throw yourself up onto your feet as if something just burned you. Confusion and guilt paints his face as his hands both come up to run through his soft, dark brunette hair. One of your hands finds your lips as you turn and pad around to the front of the coffee table. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…” He turns his body to sit straightforward in his spot, resting his elbows on his knees, hands clasped and not ready to make eye contact. You stare at the top of his head. Brain running as fast as the wine and confusion will allow. That couldn’t have been real. That was in your head, right? His posture says otherwise.

“Please Bug, can we just…will you let me say something?” His eyes come up to meet yours finally. Pleading and looking like he could have just been slapped across the face. Or stabbed in the back by somebody he loves. His eyes cut right through your fog, and you snap back into place. Moving shakily, you grab both your empty wine glasses off the table and make your way to the kitchen, nearly speed walking. Opening the dishwasher and placing them both in, then closing it. He doesn’t follow, and you take a few deep breaths in the open space of your kitchen. A few questions strike you particularly hard in this moment of clarity. 

Where did that come from? 

Did you miss something? 

Does this mean something more than a stupid drunk mistake? You’re certain he didn’t drink that much. Sure, a little more than usual, but 4 drinks are not nearly enough for him to be that far removed from himself. Was that pity? And most importantly,

Why did you stop it?

Every point your mind tries to make, every conclusion to your questions only fuels a deep self-deprecation as you toss around the information in your head. No matter the answer your mind revolts. Unaccepting of any critical thinking.

Sleep. You both just need sleep. This is the only rational thing you can accept. You decide quickly and round the corner back into the living room, stopping just short of the hallway to the rest of your home. “You can stay in the guest bedroom. The blanket that’s usually on the bed is folded and in the closet on the shelf. Just uhm…never mind. I’m… I’m sorry.” Your eyes prickle as you see him still in the same spot, only now his head is in his hands. “Please don’t leave me yet,” he asks earnestly. Low, as if coming from a wounded dog. You couldn’t stay right now. None of the words that would come out of your mouth would make any sense. In fact, you’re scared of what you might say. Selfish. You’re being selfish. Whatever led him to do what he did; his reaction to your abrupt shock, he deserves something from you. “Chris, it’s fine, I just…think we need some sleep,” you lie to him again today. You know neither of you will be getting any sleep, just a few steps from each other’s beds in your little apartment. He sighs into his hands and lifts his head from them, looking forward at the TV screen, long since forgotten, its screensaver bright and cheery, bouncing soft blues and pinks off his features.

You twist the front of your shirt in your hands and bite the inside of your cheek. He looks defeated, and you’re worried that you’re the reason. Five minutes ago, he was doing everything he could to make you smile and be nice to yourself. To help you. As you said to yourself earlier, you knew you would do nothing but hurt whoever tried. There is no other choice now; you just need to turn and walk away. “Goodnight.” You say under your breath and make the move towards your bedroom, taking a quick look out of the corner of your eyes at the barren guest room. Filled only with a bed, one nightstand and a standing lamp in the corner. It feels cruel to send him into the cold like that tonight. You hadn’t had any time to plan or decorate it all that much. No physical hobbies you brought from your old house with your ex to don the walls or fill shelves. Just as empty as you felt day after day. Your room had more warmth at least. More than you deserved tonight. The lamp next to your bed is clicked on already, casting a soft orange glow over your bed. The clothes you wore earlier were thrown hastily toward your hamper in the corner of your room and your white cropped t-shirt sits crumpled on the ground in front of it.

You grab it and toss it properly into the bin then pull your comforter back slipping under its fine and delicate fabric. You pull it up to your chin, curling in on yourself on your side and sinking as far as you can manage into the mattress.

Sleep. You tell yourself again. It’s what you both need.

⊹ ⋆ ₊❀∿.✧ཐི༏ཋྀ󠀮✧∿.❀₊ ⋆ ⊹

The minutes to hours clicked by like thick mud descending a slope. By the time the clock next to your bed reads 3:04 AM, you knew you weren’t getting any sleep. Your body at this point buzzing with anxiety, eyes forcing themselves open despite your protests. Trying to force yourself not to think was impossible. You practice the tricks you’ve learned from years of meditation. Lying on your back focusing all your might and energy to release the tension one limb at a time. Starting at your jaw where the anger was, down to your shoulders where sadness hung, through the hot veins in your arms and out your fingertips where the anxiety lies. Nothing would stop the never-ending cycle of guilt. You tried to drown everything out by zeroing in on the sound of the ceiling fan above your head. Instead, your ears searched for any sound of him moving around. You’d hoped that he was able to sleep, unlike you. Wished for him peaceful oblivion from the uncomfortable position you both were in. You hear the hall bathroom door click shut and see the light from under the door illuminating the hardwood flooring of the hallway.

Seems his night is no different from yours. What could he have possibly told you that would have made sense of his actions earlier?

Is it impossible for you to think he might…love you? Even after all these years of seeing what a natural disaster you are? You let the thought cascade down your body like a warm sunset over a mountain. You’ve had this thought throughout your life many times in many different ways. Too bizarre to be true. Chris, in all his wholesome, thoughtful actions. Putting the needs of others above himself. Letting himself get pushed and pulled by people like you into dim light. Giving, giving, giving. 

And you, a taker. Taking people’s soft looks and touches. Drawing out their pity. Unintentionally, truly. You just seem to bring out the nurturing parts of people when they look at your frail state. Despite doing your best not to. Trying to strive, to do well. Make people proud and not show how desperate you are to keep your head above water.

Could this be one of those moments? Did he just want to make you feel better and not continue to watch you suffer in silence? What would be the goal if this was what he was trying to accomplish. One night of heat and passion to keep your mind busy? He’s just not the type. Thinking this of him makes your stomach turn and guilt pang in your chest. The toilet flushes and you hear the sink turn on. The familiar rush of icy water from the tap. The light dims in the hallway and the door clicks open, followed by his padding footsteps to the guest room. There could be a reality in which you took his words at face value. Whatever he did want to tell you. Honoring the trust built between you. Why instead do you insist that you’re underserving of it? His trust. His love. Determined to continue lying to yourself, pretending you didn’t wish it was Chris who held you when you were stressed after work. Who wiped your tears when a loved one passed. It’s possible you could do the same for him.

Your mind focuses back on the sounds of the house. There’s some rustling coming from the guest room. He might have drifted back to sleep.

You have two choices. Spend the rest of your night ignoring all these thoughts and feelings, essentially leaving him on a proverbial ‘read’ until tomorrow morning where you would surely share an awkward goodbye. Or… just talk to him.

There’s a 50/50 chance he is still awake in his room. What’s the harm in trying?

Your adrenaline picks up as you make the decision. Sitting up and ripping your comforter off your body, swinging your legs over the side standing up quickly. If you don’t move your feet now, you’re scared you won’t make it to the guest room. Just go. Getting to the hallway was a feat in itself, and you slow your steps as you reach the corner of the door. It’s sitting halfway open, and the room is softly lit. The lamp in the corner of the room turned down to its lowest setting. Your nerves catch up to you as you plan on either peaking around the corner or calling in to see if he answers. If you call for him and he’s sleeping, then you’ll wake him from well-deserved slumber. If you peek around and he’s awake, he might see you, and you’ll have no choice but to confront the situation. If you peek and he’s asleep, then you may have a chance to save you from yourself, just grab a glass of water and take yourself back to bed. “Just come in already.” You hear him say.

His voice startles you from your thoughts, and a gasp escapes you. He must have heard your erratic footsteps coming to a halt right before the door. Maybe he’s been listening for you too. Shame covers your brow as you poke your head around the corner to see him sitting up in bed, leaning back against a pillow and the headboard. His shirt is off, and the dim light from the lamp curls around his muscles, forming rich curves and indents immediately muddling your thoughts.

You swallow harshly. “Uh, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t sleep, and I heard you get up a little bit ago. I was just going to grab myself some water, do you want some?” An excuse but not technically a lie. God, I'm pathetic.

“Sure.” He nods, his smile is weak and appeasing. Clearly letting you take the lead in this dance.

You take the opportunity gladly, making your way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Using it again as a spot to gather your thoughts. You grab two tall glasses from your cupboards and fill your cups from the fridge filter. Just let him talk. Listen to him, not yourself.

Stilling your shaking hands, you trail back into the hallway and don’t let yourself stop at the door frame this time. However, you don’t dare come around to his side of the bed, seeing him up close right now in his ‘state’ would fizzle out whatever common sense you had left. You don’t make eye contact, but you can feel his eyes follow you around the bed to the opposite side and sit uncomfortably on the edge shoving your hand out to pass him the water. Taking a long sip from your own and visibly trying to settle your nerves. Being nervous around him is not something you’re used to anymore. In college when you first started hanging out, sure, meeting thanks to your mutual friend Felix, you realized early that he might possibly be one of the most beautiful and kind people you had ever encountered. But you had also decided early on you did not deserve him. Despite how quickly he gravitated towards you. And you to him.

He doesn’t seem nervous right now though, and that confuses you more than anything. He takes the cup from you and takes a small sip, sitting it on the nightstand next to him only briefly taking his eyes off you to make sure it lands on the coaster. You can sense he’s waiting for you to start the conversation, ever the patient man. “I’m… I’m sorry about earlier” is all you can manage right now. Regardless of his resolve to clearly let you take the lead here, you’re lost for words and whatever you manage to think, it’s next to impossible to try and voice them. “Why do you keep saying sorry?” His voice is a little hoarse. The question catches you off guard, and you finally look up from the cup in your hands to meet his eyes. “Because… I don’t know. I just am.” Easier to be vague. His hair is curled and ruffled on his head, making him look soft and almost resemblant to the boyish charm he held back in the day. He doesn’t speak again. His face shows he’s not happy with your answer. “I’m sorry for who I am as a person. I’m sorry I always tend to make situations worse in my personal life. I’m sorry I always make the people in my life suffer from my actions.” The words come out quick and despairing. He sighs and hangs his head, shaking it.

"I’d like to think I’ve never given you the impression that you've made me feel this way towards you.” He puts his hands on the bed to shuffle his body straighter which slightly reveals the top of his black Calvin Klien boxers peeking up over the blanket that rests on his legs. You avert your eyes and stare back down at your water. Maybe a cup of chamomile would have been better. “I can’t help right now if I don’t know what you’re thinking.” He tilts his head to try and bring your focus back up to him. “I don’t know what to think right now, Chris.” It’s true. Your head is full to the brim with thoughts but none of them feel worth sharing. “Just give me anything. The first thought that pops up in your head.” It’s apparent he may not know where to start either. “Why?” 

A simple word. It shoots out of you quicker than you imagined it would. You know it’s not an easy question to answer. But it’s the word that prefaces all the questions you’ve made yourself suffer through the entire sleepless night.

His hand comes up to rub the back of his neck. He seems at a loss for words just as you. He ponders for a moment before shifting nervously. “Did you not want me too?” “That’s not an answer to my question.” He sighs and his arms come up and behind his head to grab the headboard, leaning his head back and directing his eyes up at the ceiling. You’re not making this easy on him, but you could say the same. You suppose you could make the question clearer, add context. “Why did you want to?” You’re both grown adults. But this conversation seems more difficult than trying to explain to a parent why their favorite vase sits in pieces on the floor. “It felt like it was time.” His arms come back down, and his eyes meet yours, filled to the brim with sincerity. You shake your head. Irritation trying to make its way forward. You pull both legs up on the bed sitting on your knees completely facing him. Hands still gripped tight around the glass of water in your hands.

“It was time for what, Chris? That doesn’t make it any clearer.” The frustration is plain in your voice and directing it at him feels wrong, yet the voice of reason in your head is not paying any attention. He repositions himself to face you dead on, just as you were earlier. “Our entire conversation on the couch was centered around you, in some sort of wild disbelief, that I care deeply for you. Has it not been apparent over the past, I don’t know, seven, almost eight years that caring for you is not a burden to me? That seeing you sad or stressed or angry pains me to my core? And I know I can’t just take that away from you; I can’t tell it to stop or will it away. But could you at least give me the chance to try and protect you from it? From letting you beat yourself up behind closed doors. Or at the very least let me hold your hand when it all gets too much, just as you would for me?” His words rush past you in a haze. You can’t seem to move, but your hands begin to shake again and your chin quivers. It’s typical of him to know exactly what you need to hear. Nonetheless that unyielding, rattling voice in the crawl space of your mind does what it does best and tries to beat down any accepting thoughts.

He moves closer to you, grabs the cup from your hand and reaches back to set it next to his on the nightstand. His strong hands maneuver your body to sit more comfortably on the open side of the bed, and you let him. Guiding you to rest the side of your body, head against the free pillow to his left and the headboard. Pulling the blanket that was once wrapped around his body up over both your legs and gently clasps your hands in his. He takes a few moments to let you adjust to your new position. Tears welling in the corner of your eyes not yet making their escape. He sits cross-legged in front of you. And you finally let your eyes focus on his striking features. The look on his face the very epitome of being free from pretense or judgement. You clear your throat as his thumbs rub small circles over the tops of your hands. “Is there a world in which I could make you believe me?” He asks. His monologue had shell shocked you. You know he cares for you just as you do him. Hearing it said so plainly and to a deeper extent was not at all what you were expecting. Still, caring deeply for someone and being physical are not mutually exclusive. It still doesn’t explain why…

“It’s not that I don’t believe you Chris. I just don’t understand why. And I care about you too. It’s not a secret that I’d drop just about anything to help you if you’d need it, but I know my reasonings. And still what you said doesn’t explain at all why you would– about the…” Your words trail off. Your lips unsure of the confidence of saying it out loud. “The kiss?” His lips press together, and his eyebrows slightly raise, like he knew it would be hard for you to say. Your face heats and your cheeks turn a light shade of rose. Your mind finally registering that your hands are lightly placed in his. His hands grip a little tighter as if on instinct he knew you might pull away. He’s not wrong. The flush that’s running down your neck into your chest is screaming at you to abort physical contact no matter how good it feels. “Look, Bug; I know things have been a lot lately. In hindsight, the timing for that move might not have been perfect. But I don’t know how much longer I can wait for you to come to your senses.”  There’s a smirk on his lips that begs you to fall in line and understand what he’s trying to say. However, you’re too stubborn for that. “What are you trying to say, Chris?”  Your eyes are like saucers. Big and round. He chuckles in feigned exasperation, his eyes pinched shut accentuated with a big, dimpled smile. He shakes it off and looks up at you through his eye lashes. Sudden sincerity clearly in his expression.

“The year following your marriage to Alex was probably one of the hardest years of my life. It felt like I was mourning. And in a sense, I was. I had lost the last viable chance I thought I had in this life to make you finally see me. You were gone. Out of reach forever.” “I didn’t go anywhere. We’ve still been in each other’s lives...” “I know. I know. I knew we’d still be friends just as we always were. I could call you when I needed to hear your voice. Or meet for lunch when not seeing you every day became such a miserable thought in my mind. I don’t think you realize how many times just a simple voicemail from you, snarky and annoyed that I didn’t answer your call, saved me. Made me smile and laugh when I was unsure if I could dig myself out of a hole that I made for myself.”

“Laughing at my annoyed voicemails. Interesting.” You narrow your eyes in pretend irritation, trying to hide a sly smile from your lips. He leans back and huffs out a breath with a smile on his face, shaking your hands together back and forth. “My point is!” He lets go of your hands and cards his hands through his hair, ruffling the front a bit to sit how he’d like it to on his forehead. You let your eyes dance around his flexed muscles more freely this time. His hands fall back into his lap, and he takes a deep breath, fidgeting with his bracelet on his wrist. This time, you reach one hand out and pull his hand away from its busy work and cup his hand between both of yours. You stare down at them folded together. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone in my life that is more deserving of my attention and care…” He says softly and exhales slowly, 

“Or love.”

Your breath catches in your throat, and you close your eyes. A familiar sting behind them. You feel his free hand brush past your cheek with his knuckles and tuck a piece of hair behind your ear landing to cup your chin. “Y/N, look at me, please.” You’re afraid to open your eyes because surely the tears will fall. But you let him raise your head, suck in a slow breath and slowly open them. His eyes are trained on yours, earnest and full of adoration. The foundational nature of a kindness one is born into the world with. A simple tear falls from your right eye, and he swipes it with his thumb. “Will you let me show you? Will you let me help fight the thoughts that tell you you’re not?” “Chris, I…” And before you can finish your sentence you’re pulled into his lap. Rounded up into his toned bare chest and cocooned inside his arms. With your seat between his open legs and yours laid across one of his thighs, you curl your arms into your chest with one hand splayed hesitantly on the side of his lower neck and your head tucked beneath his chin. The fantasy of it all sounds like a dream. You let yourself feel it. A world in which his devotion focuses on you. Where you don’t have to imagine yourself without him. One where when you inevitably fall in a pit you’ve created for yourself, and he is there to catch you. He says he wants to show you how you deserve that kind of protection.

But does he deserve what little you have to give? It's plain to see what his intentions are. Even with his arms wrapped tightly around you, the feeling of being frail and frozen inside is still deep within you. Of course, he could make you feel safe and perhaps even truly loved. But at what cost to him?

“What if I can’t be enough for you? If I can’t give you what you deserve?” It comes out of you so small. So weak. Like a tiny branch, not yet ready to hold up the season’s first fresh ripe apple. “Whaddya mean? Was that not you today? My knight in shining black boots, rescuing me from fumbling over my words in countless conversations today at the opening? I think you forget just how strong you can be.” One of his hands that’s resting on your side lightly raps on your ribs eliciting a small yelp and squirm from you.

You pull your head up to look him into the eyes, “If you tickle me right now, I swear to god I will get up and leave this room, Christopher.”

He laughs and tucks your head back under his chin then rocks you both back and forth a few times before settling with one arm still wrapped tightly around you and his other hand on the back of your head.

“You only brought me there to busy me.” You’re back to talking quietly. Body heat is radiating off him. One of your arms is pressed tightly between your side and his defined abs. Your always cold skin, pulling the warmth from his body to put life into yours. “I think it can be described as a win-win.” He pushes his fingers through your hair to massage your scalp in slow circles. “You know it’s been hard for me lately. Hannah’s success has nothing to do with me but, my five-year plan isn't exactly going as well as I'd hoped it would.” Sighing deeply, he strokes your hair. Combing his fingers through and setting the wavy strands back into place after tussling them from his services.You use a finger to lightly trace a small infinity symbol on the skin of his arm that’s directly in your line of sight - “Finish college, move back home, start your business then watch it grow. It seems like it’s going just about as good as I recall you telling me about.”

His deep breath in and out shifts your body,

“To fall in love again,” he says in a whisper.

Your finger stops moving.

“That was part of it too, but I guess I found it hard to tell you. It’s not the easiest to tell the person you’re in love with that you hope you’ll eventually get over them and find someone else.” His hand that was on your head comes down to lock around his wrist caging you in against him again. The last time you spoke about your ‘five-year plans’ was a little over a year into your marriage to Alex. Chris had just bought his first office space, and you remember him calling you absolutely beaming through the phone about it. You laughed together and gave congratulations. The conversation didn’t seem somber to you then. “I really need you to know something, Chris.” You wrap your small fingers around his arm as far as they can reach, and squeeze lightly.

He picks his chin off from the top of your head and pulls back to try and look you in the eyes, but you stop him and pull him back against you. Unable to let his soft eyes waver your resolve to not cry in this moment.

“I really loved you.” You pause to steady yourself before continuing.

“I was sure that after we parted ways and went to different schools, I’d never find someone who could make me feel so safe. Someone who could help me not feel so isolated. I was scared, Chris. Talking to you on the phone, seeing you when we could spare the time, truly grounded me. But the loneliness, the inaccessibility, the inability to reach out to you whenever I felt like I couldn’t even stand on my own two feet… it wore me down…” A breath stutters out from you, and your throat begins to tighten. You can feel your stupid lip start to quiver despite clenching your teeth as hard as you can for a moment. He loosens his arms ever so slightly when he feels you readjust your weight. “I could have told you.” You continue. “It wouldn’t have been fair to you. You can’t convince me that if I did tell you that you wouldn’t have dropped everything to come to me. You would have put a hold on your dreams to protect me from whatever nightmare I caused for myself. And that’s dumb, Chris. That’s really really dumb and selfish of me.” “Y/N, I could’ve-”

“No, you know it’s true. So instead, I did the only thing I thought would help relieve you from the burden and tried to find someone else. And…and all it ended up doing is hurt you even more. No matter how I try, I just continue to salt your wound or push you away.” The resolve you had finally crumbles, and you can feel the hot rush of tears begin their descent down your cheek. You can sense his panic start to set in as his arms unclasp themselves and hastily find their way to your head, fussing with the hair that’s draped around your face, pushing it away over your shoulders. Both hands find your cheeks, and he holds your head in his hands and forces you to look at him. Your hands scramble up to cover your face, but he’s quick to move them out of the way with his arms. Letting them fall limp in your lap you acquiesce to his desire to meet eye to eye.

“Do you still love me?” His eyebrows are knitted together, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him so serious before. His brown eyes are so deep, the question filling the pool to the brim. Your hands reach up again and grab his wrists. Eyes blinking rapidly to force your tears to stop blurring your vision. “Chris, we-“ “Do you love me, Y/N?” His thumbs brush a few stray tears from the apple of each of your cheeks and he studies your face again. His gaze moving from one eye to the other. You pinch your eyes shut for a moment, scrunching your face tight. Then you let it go lax, let a deep breath out through your nose, and open your eyes to lock with his. “I always will.” All at once, the tension and worry in his face gives way as his eyes soften and his lips part. His hands move slowly, pushing any stray hairs that were fighting in your favor to cover your face back behind your ears. They proceed downwards until his fingers are delicately at the back of your neck and his thumbs rub softly on your jawline. A gentle smile paints his soft lips. “You really made me fight for that, didn’t you?” He says through his smile and a light chuckle.

You huff out an annoyed laugh and begin to roll your eyes, as soon as they shut, you feel his heated lips press to your forehead. They stay there as he breaths out. He repeats the kiss a few more times as your hands let go of his wrists and make their way around his waist. Wrapping your arms tight around him, letting the affection spill from his lips.

⊹ ⋆ ₊❀∿.✧ཐི༏ཋྀ󠀮✧∿.❀₊ ⋆ ⊹

Warmth spreads across the back of your legs before you can see the reason behind it. It stirs you in a nice way. Your hand comes up and runs through your hair, brushing stray pieces away from your face. Lungs fill deeply, slowly and steadily as you muster the courage to peek your eyes open. The dark blue curtains covering your window are halfway open. Letting a spill of late morning light fall through and onto the lower half of your body. Rolling onto your back you stretch all your limbs out at once in a starfish, wiggling your fingers and toes. You must have slept almost 10 hours. Eyes finally closing around midnight last night and waking naturally this morning when your body was ready. It’s in no rush despite the eagerness you have for the day.

You grab your phone and check your notifications. A few emails, a couple of social media posts from some of your favorite artists and 5 text messages. The digital clock says 10:03 AM but that doesn’t bother you. Your thumb pulls down the bar and sees the sender names of the texts waiting for you. One reads your sister’s name and the other says Chris.

You start with your sister’s. Three messages came in between 1 AM to a few minutes after 3 AM. 

Why weren’t you going to tell me this show was going to make me cry. DANG IT Y/N I CAN’T BE SOBBING LIKE THIS AT 3AM. 

Oh, thank God. The ending was fine. You are forgiven.

You giggle at your phone and type out a response:

If I would have told you, you wouldn’t have watched it. But you liked it didn’t you!

You hit the back button and click on Chris. Both messages came in around 8:30 AM.

The first message is an image. You click on the photo to make it bigger and smile. It’s a selfie of him sitting on the back porch of his parents’ house, his dog Berry sitting in his lap. You can tell he’s giving her good scratches because her eyes are closed and she’s leaning her little head into his hand. His smile is wide and bright. The dimple on the right side of his face prominent and tender.

You click the bottom left button on the screen and save the image to your phone then you click out and scroll to see the message underneath. Berry says Goooood morning! I do too of course. Can’t wait for later, hehehe ^_^ You scroll back up and look at the picture again for a few moments. Your smile deepens and you bite your lower lip clicking into the reply spot. Good morning to Berry and her loyal ear scratcher <3 Me too, see you at 4! You hit send and roll onto your side placing your phone back on the nightstand. You have quite a few hours to get ready and not too much cleaning to do. A nervousness swirls through your stomach but not in a bad way. You lay for a while, thinking and blinking at the rays of light shimmering through the window. It's been a month since you’ve seen Chris. By your own decision. That fateful night, before you fell asleep in his arms, you told him you needed some time to rearrange your thoughts. He of course accepted this, patience is his middle name. He told you he had already waited years and would wait more if he had to.

You didn’t need years to answer the question. The thought alone is simple enough. “Will you let me?” Can you, will you be able to let him love you? Spending years telling yourself and believing that you’re not deserving of it can’t be rewired overnight. Or even over a few weeks. But the beginning of the process must start with you. Will you love yourself enough to accept his love?

What is the condition one must be in to relinquish control over your emotions and let someone else bring your feelings out of you? What you knew for certain was that you were not yet in that state. Hard boiled and stagnant. Walls placed brick by brick around you with exceptionally frail edges.

Pushing the sheet off, you place your feet on the cold hardwood and stand slowly, stretching your arms up above your head, twisting your back to the left and right to smooth out any soft aches. You recall one of the emails in your phone telling you a package had arrived early this morning, find your way out to the living room, and twist the locks to open the front door.

A tall, thin cardboard box sits up against the wall to the side of your door. Excitedly, you slip your sandals on and step out to retrieve it. It’s not heavy in the slightest, you knew it wouldn’t be, but it still surprises you when you lift it so easily. You make your way back inside and push the door closed with your foot, heading straight to the guest bedroom. Placing the box on the bed you open the drawer of the desk in the corner of the room to grab a pair of scissors and start opening it up. Carefully you cut the bubble wrap and pull the painting out. The watercolors grab your vision at once. Every shade of green imaginable. Dark and rich at the forefront, light and feathery towards the top. A landscape of the treetops, of a deep vast forest with a soft mist of fog dipping in between the layers of Redwoods. A vision of home. You had already measured and prepared for its arrival, so you step up onto the bed and fix the painting onto the hooks. Easing back down onto your knees you back up until you reach the bottom of the bed and look up at your new art. It fits perfectly above the headboard and between the tall bookshelves at each side of the bed.

What is self-reflection? was a thought you had many times these few last weeks. What does it look like to move forward? To see yourself make progress and evolve past your former predispositions. It was clear to you that you didn’t have a clue.

The first week after that night you spent every hour at work and at home racking your brain to figure out your plan. Picking apart each negative thought you’ve had about yourself to see if you could find its source and snuff it out. It went nowhere. You spent hours reading articles and motivational books on self-care. All it did was make you feel silly. Out of touch with guides and steps to take.

You weren’t sure if you could call this a deep depression. You had been there before, and it didn’t quite look like this. You spoke with your family and friends often. You loved your job and took pride in your work. Cleaning your home and making dinner weren’t your favorite things to do, but they never truly were in the first place.

It was more of a wrong turn your brain had taken a long time ago. And continued to make for a long time. Set on a track headed for a cliff you knew was coming but never reached. The anxiety building and building but never falling off the edge.Halfway into the second week, you laid flat on your back on the bed in the guest bedroom. Frustrated with yourself and your inability to see the path before you. See the steps you were sure you needed to take. Fresh tears quietly and slowly making their way down your face and onto the baren bed below you. Your phone buzzed next to your head interrupting your thoughts.

A text message from Chris. A habit of his always seeming to know, even when you’re not around each other or haven’t spoken to each other, that you were silently suffering. Wiping the tears away, you pulled your phone in front of you and opened the message.

I saw this pretty thing today and thought of you. I hope you have space on your walls for a new friend.

Attached was an image of his hand holding a small square frame with a dry-preserved Atlas Moth pinned beneath the glass. The beauty and the irony were not lost on you. It was then that you knew you didn’t have to worry so much about what it looked like to move forward.

If you could let yourself enjoy the feelings he gave to you, it would be enough for now. 

The work you wanted to do on yourself would move along with him there beside you. There was no strategy to this. To love. For oneself or for another. The two things weren’t mutually exclusive. You had to take a step back and look at yourself as he would look at you. As anyone would. At the end of the day, you were just as deserving of love as anyone else was. You could say this to a friend or a family member but had a hard time saying it to yourself. 

Instead, you turned your focus to the guest bedroom you were laying in. Walls untouched. Void of color and warmth. You were never one to call yourself a minimalist. The room itself became a metaphor for your unwillingness to let Chris shine brightly the way he wants to for you.

Now sitting here in the bed scanning the room around you, it felt inviting.

You placed each object in the room with care. Bookshelves filled with some of your favorite authors and even a few rows of comic books and old video game cartridges. Shelves on the walls stacked with antique knickknacks that made you laugh and brought you joy. And now your new piece of art that reminds you of home.

Shifting off the bed, you grab the remnants of the cardboard box and wrap and take it to the kitchen. Ripping the cardboard into smaller pieces and placing all the trash neatly into your recycle bin. Chris had suggested a small Italian restaurant for dinner tonight, but you declined. Saying you two would have plenty of time to go out together, and you’d rather spend this Saturday alone with him. 

The rest of your day went by in a flash. With the only things left to do being a quick clean of the kitchen and mopping the floors, followed by a hot shower and pre-cutting the ingredients for dinner. 

Chris requested something to take the chill from his bones caused by the crisp late winter air. You could never call yourself a chef, but one dish your mother taught you and taught you well was Caldo Verde. A comforting Portuguese sausage, kale and potato soup. Homey and rich, the perfect soup to ground you both and warm your bellies. 

Despite not wanting to leave the house, it didn’t mean you couldn’t dress up a little. You gazed at yourself in the long mirror in your bathroom checking your outfit over again. A beige oversized cable knit sweater, plain black mini skirt with a slit up the side of your right thigh paired with matching beige cable knit leg warmers and fluffy closed back slippers. Cute, but not too much. 

Picking up your phone from the counter your stomach swirled once you read the time. 15 minutes to four. You couldn’t help bouncing on your toes a little bit before catching yourself and planting your hands on the counter to reel yourself back in. All you had left to do was be patient for a few more minutes.

‎‎₊˚⊹ 𐦍༘⋆₊ ⊹

Standing in your kitchen you swirled a tall, elegant wine decanter around in front of you. Appreciating the smell and the sound the wine made in its glass container when you hear a few quick knocks on your front door. You close your eyes and press your lips together while sucking in a breath, nerves coursing through your veins. It’s just Chris, stop being so nervous. Get it together girl. 

Quickly you place the decanter back on the kitchen countertop and step your way to the front door. You left it unlocked assuming he would just walk in as he usually has done before so you turn the handle and pause a second, readjusting your skirt one last time before opening it. 

And there he was, standing in the doorway, dimples on full display, one hand behind his back and the other holding a small square green pot with succulents in it.

“Anacampseros Telephiastrum Variegata.” He says in best fancy voice. 

You bring an arm across your stomach and put your elbow on your hand, resting your cheek on your closed fist. Looking at him with a smile and furrowed brows. 

“Otherwise known as ‘Sunrise’. I know you think flowers are cheesy, but I wanted to bring you something. I’ve been practicing saying the Latin name correctly all day.” He chuckles and winks at you. 

You reach out to take the plant from him and grab his now free hand to pull him inside.

“It’s beautiful, Chris. I’ve been meaning to add more color to my selection by the window.” You close the door and hear him set something down behind you and right before you turn around, you feel his arms come around your waist and embrace you from the back. One arm wrapped around your stomach, hand resting on your hip, and the other resting across one of your arms, hand resting on your bicep. 

“Mmmm, you smell so nice. A new perfume?” He says into your neck, taking a deep breath in. 

Your cheeks immediately flush, and you giggle awkwardly at the sudden contact.

“No, not new. I just never have a reason to wear it.” 

“Well, it suits you perfectly.” He rubs his face back and forth on your neck a few times, nose brushing the skin just below your ear then lets go, backing up a pace and picking up whatever was on the floor.

You turn around and see him holding a white gift bag. It’s now that you can appreciate how he looks. He’s wearing a silk black long sleeve shirt with quite a few buttons undone at the top, revealing a wide V of his prominent pectoral muscles, sleeves rolled a few times up and slightly tucked in at the front. Black, freshly pressed slacks that fit him perfectly and of course, shining black, dress shoes. A simple silver chain sits around his neck along with his favorite silver chain bracelet around his wrist. 

Fuck, he looked good.

You take a deep breath and blink a few times.

“Chris, you didn’t have to bring me anything. I feel so silly I didn’t get anything for you!” 

“Oh shush. You’re making dinner for me, aren’t you? That’s enough in itself. Promise. Plus, this is just your new friend.” He hands the bag out to you, and you grab the handles with your free hand and try to peek into the top. 

“I love him. Can’t wait to put him up with all the others. I don’t think I have a moth yet.” You say as you pace your way into the living room and set the bag and plant down on the coffee table. Chris swivels around on his heels and watches you. Arms in front of him, one hand clasped on top of the other and his head tilted to the side.

“You look beautiful.” He says just above a whisper. 

The blush that you were willing away fights its way back to the surface of your cheek bones. You shuffle on your feet and look down, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, too embarrassed to raise your head and make eye contact.

“I love the shirt.” The delicate laugh you let out is absolutely telling of your nerves, and you are positive he can sense it. 

He laughs under his breath and takes the short few steps towards you. 

“It’s really soft, wanna feel it?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

You scoff and turn your head to the side as he reaches out pulling you into another hug. Arms encircling you. This time with the side of your face pressed right up against his shoulder. Your arms lay slack for a minute before hesitantly coming up around his waist and locking behind his back.

You take a deep breath and feel that swift sense of relief and comfort wash over your body. All the spikey nerves in your arms and legs fizzling out to make way for a flowing sensation of calm. He hums above your head and runs a hand up and down your back. 

“So, is dinner coming out alright, or do I need to prepare to order some food in?” He asks in a teasing voice.  

You pull back and swat one of his arms. 

“It’s perfectly fine, thank you very much. Speaking of which, go sit your ass down at the table before I accidentally on purpose burn your pieces of bread.” You point a finger at him, and he raises his arms up, his eyes wide and closed-mouthed smirk on his lips. 

Dinner was in fact fine. The soup was still the perfect temperature when you served it despite making it a little earlier than you should have. Chris devoured his bowl and asked for seconds, which you happily obliged. Conversation was easy and light, him asking you about your work week and you asking about how his parents are doing and of course Berry.

He showed you several more pictures of her on his phone before demanding he be the one to clean the table and do the dishes. You sat on a barstool on the onlook of your kitchen, slowly sipping from your wine glass and watching him bounce and dance around the kitchen, acting way too happy for someone who’s cleaning. 

When he was done, you made him go sit on the couch as you prepped snacks for the rest of the night. And along with the snacks, you made sure yesterday to stop by the bakery near your work and pick up two slices of his favorite chocolate cake. 

You glanced at him a few times through the opening in the kitchen and saw he sat on the edge of the couch, leg bouncing, elbows on his knees, worrying his lip and wringing his hands. It made you feel a little better that you weren’t the only one nervous about the night, but you still couldn’t wrap your head around what he could possibly be thinking that would make him on edge like that.

Padding into the living room you placed a platter of assorted fancy cheeses and meats with some pickled vegetables and crackers. He smiled up at you so affectionately as you smirked and quirked an eyebrow then turned back around to grab cake and wine. 

Finally bringing the rest out on another tray you sat it down and picked up the two plates of cake, handing one to him and sitting down next to him holding out two forks between you. He took one and smiled again at you although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

You kept eye contact a little longer before gesturing at the cake in front of him. 

“You still like chocolate cake, right?” You asked while forking a small piece off the tip of your slice and taking the bite into your mouth.

He huffed out a laugh and followed suit. Taking a rather small bite for his standards and dancing the flavors around on his tongue before swallowing and looking back up at you. 

“It’s okay if you’re full. We can save it for later, you know.” You place your fork down on your plate and sit it on your lap. 

You watch as he slowly turns something over in his mind and sits his fork and plate back down on the tray, then reaches over to yours and takes it out of your hands, placing it next to his. His slow movements and hesitancy send a shiver of worry up your spine, and you can’t stop yourself from the comical gulp you make.

He turns his body towards you and reaches out to take your hands in his. His hands are so warm against your icy fingers, and you stare down at them for a second before looking up into his eyes. And there they are. Soft and round. You can’t make out what they portray. Somehow hiding their intel from you. 

The lights in the room seem to fuzz around you. You feel scared. Like he has a secret he’s been holding onto, and you’re the only one in the world who doesn’t know. Your heartbeat picks up as he pinches his eyes shut for a moment and runs his tongue along his bottom lip. 

“Chris, what’s wrong? Did I do something?” You tilt your head and question. A familiar sting behind your eyes and in your throat. 

“Oh god, no. No no no.” He shakes his head and lets out another nervous laugh. 

“Then why do I feel like you’re about to tell me the worst news of my life?” You gulp again and pull your bottom lip into your mouth. 

“Man, I’m really not good at this am I?” He chuckles again and turns your hands over in his so his are on top of yours like he’s grounding himself.

“Y/N, I was so worried these past few weeks. I mean, the amount of pacing I did in my room, I could have run a marathon instead.” He laughs again and runs a hand through his hair before bringing it back down to yours and grips a bit tighter. 

“I was worried you were going to shut me out. You responded to my texts, which gave me hope that wasn’t the case, but I still wasn’t sure if it was you being, well… just your regular self.” 

Your stomach knots. Another chip you had unknowingly taken out of his heart.

“I told you I’d wait for you, and of course I will. I don’t think I’d ever not wait for you. But I… I realized within that time what I didn’t notice before… the pressure I was putting on you. Asking you to take this leap of faith that I could be everything you needed. That you could feel safe with me, and I’d protect you. I can’t just…decide that for you. No matter how much I want to be that for you, it’s not my place to tell you I am what you need…” 

“Chris.” You cut him off gently. His eyes had been staring down at your hands clasped together. You could see the worry lines on his forehead from this angle. And the tears of doubt and worry in your eyes that were trying to force their way to the surface cooled their heat. 

You see him scrunch up his nose then pull his face back up to look at you. 

“I want to show you something.” Standing, you pull him up with you. You turn and keep one of his hands in yours as you walk down the hallway before stopping at the closed guest bedroom door. Turning, you face him with your hand on the doorknob. He looks at the door and then back to you confused.

Opening the door, you click on the light and drag him in along with you. You stop right at the foot of the bed, still holding his hand and sigh contentedly. 

You watch him as his eyes scan the room. The shelfs and books. The soft lavender duvet on the bed with a few decorative pillows. And eventually land on the painting on the wall. A light grin appears on him, but his eyes and brows still etch themselves confused. 

“It looks really nice. But I still don’t understand why...” 

“I’m sorry I made you wait for me again. I really am. I don’t want to continue making you feel that. But, this time it was necessary. I don’t have any concern of your, for a lack of a better word, devotion. It’s never been you who I worry about. It’s myself. You’ve never put any pressure on me, in any sense of the word, since I’ve known you, Chris. You make me feel safe. You always have.” 

You turn and sit on the edge of the bed and bring him with you. 

“My concern wasn’t that you couldn’t provide those things for me. I was afraid that I wouldn’t let you. I mean, for fuck’s sake you know how stubborn I can be.” You look at him with your lips pressed in a thin line and big eyes. 

He laughs, eyes closed and rubs the back of his neck. 

“You said it, not me.” He says playfully.

“What I’m trying to say is: I learned something important during these last few weeks… I need to stop worrying and just live. I need to let myself enjoy the things I love and accept the things I cannot change. Especially about myself. The only way I can stop myself from pushing you away is to remind myself that I am worth it. And I know, I know, you’ll tell me a thousand times over I am, but how can I take your words and believe them if I don’t think them myself?” 

You pause and glance over your shoulder at the painting on the wall. Serene, empty, yet full. The quietness of a deep forest. Just living. His eyes don’t follow you to the painting but stay trained on your profile.

“I can’t promise you in the slightest that I have accepted this overnight or that I’m immediately a changed woman, because that’s just not how change works, I think. But… I can promise you that I will try for you. Forever. Until I get it right.” 

You sigh deeply and bring your face and eyes back to meet his. His eyes are creased, accompanying a smile one could worship. And you intend to do so.

His free hand comes up and cups the side of your face, brushing his thumb across your cheek. 

“I love you.” He says softly. 

“I will always love you.” You say, brimming with sincerity as you wrap your free hand around his wrist that’s holding your face. 

His eyes dance back and forth between yours, his smile delicate, as if asking for permission. Without hesitation you lean into him, placing your lips against his. This time you feel just how plump and perfect they are. His nose pressed softly against your cheek. He presses a bit harder and pulls away to reconnect at a better angle. 

You let his hand go and reach out to place your hand on his bare chest right in the middle of the V from his shirt. His free hand comes up to mirror his other hand on your cheek and pulls you closer to him. You feel as though the lights in the room really have gone dark this time. Encasing you and him in a pocket of time.

The heat between you two rises in an instant. He uses his grip on your face to his advantage, tilting your head side to side to press his lips onto yours repeatedly until you can feel yourself go dizzy in the head. Instinctively both your hands grasp at the front of his shirt, pulling him even still closer to you and run your tongue along his bottom lip. You can feel the shutter of his body  as it takes control over him, and he pushes you back onto the bed. You gasp quietly as your lips open for access.

His tongue enters your mouth slowly, tentatively as he rolls it around to find yours. The taste of him sweet like the bite of chocolate cake he savored earlier. Your stomach rolls up into your chest, a million soft wings of butterflies, moths, birds, dancing inside you. His right-hand slips down from your face, down your side to the hem of your big sweater and creeps up below it, brushing along the skin of your hip, sending goosebumps up your skin. 

You gasp again away from the kiss at the sensation. He pulls his hand away and opens his eyes to look at you. 

“I’m… I’m so sorry we don’t have to do this right now; I just got so carried away and I, god you feel so good against my lips.” He says rushed, out of breath. His elbow and forearm lay flat next to the side of your head, and he rests his other hand on the bed next to the hip he was once touching.

You take a second to catch your breath and smile, the most genuine smile you’ve ever had. Bringing your arms up, you wrap them around his neck and pull him down flush against you.

“I don’t think there is anything I’ve ever wanted more in this world, Chris. Now please, I love this shirt but take it off before I rip it off.” 

His eyes go wide, but he quickly recovers and smirks, adjusting his body to get the right angle and pulls your body up the bed so your legs are no longer dangling off the side. Then he gets on the bed and slots his knees between your thighs. Still upright on his knees, and smirk still adorning his face, he slowly unbuttons the last few buttons left on his shirt. 

You can’t help the giggle that comes out of you as your hands come up to cover your bright, heated cheeks as you watch him peel the silky tight shirt off his shoulders, behind his back and down his arms till he swings it above his head, balls it in his hands and sends it flying across the room to the floor. You cover your face as you laugh again at his ridiculousness. 

The bed thumps as his hands come down on either side of your head. You pull your hands down and peek over them. He slowly comes closer, down on his elbows, pressing his body against yours. Hips now connected to yours, slotted between your thighs. Pulling your arms out completely from between your bodies you wrap them back around his neck. Brushing at the hair on the nape of his neck with your fingertips.

The intensity in the air comes back quickly at your new position. He shifts his elbows down a little so he can brush the hair from your forehead and eyes.

“You’re so beautiful. The universe really did its thing when it made you.” He says simply as he kisses the top of your forehead, your nose, your beauty mark, and then connects your lips again. 

This time it’s your body that takes control. Your arms wrapping tighter around his neck bringing his full body weight on top of you. Feeling as if he could take your last breath now from your lips and you’d die happy. 

His tongue asks for entrance immediately, and you let him. Your knees come up and your feet plant on the bed, shifting your mini skirt up your legs, hips involuntarily pushing up against him to feel him beneath his tight slacks. A soft groan in his throat tells you he liked that, so you do it again. He moves his hips along with yours for a better angle, and this time you can feel his hardness pressed to your heat. 

His right hand comes down to resume the work he started earlier and quickly slips beneath your sweater. Running up your side all the way up, forcing your sweater to bunch and ghosting over your breast, all the way up through the hole in the top of the sweater, hand softly grabbing your neck and pushing your face to the side. 

He kisses down your jaw, until he reaches the soft skin of your neck. Your breath hitches in your throat as he trails kisses down your pulse point until he stops and nibbles delicately right above your collarbone.

Your arms unlock from his neck and smooth over his strong shoulders. Feeling every muscle as he continues to suck and bite on your neck. A moan escapes you at a particularly hard bite, and he hisses through his teeth while tightening his fingers around your throat. A high-pitched whine from you pulls his attention back as he lets go and leans off you. 

You gasp at the sudden lack of pressure only to look up and see a fire in his eyes staring down at you. Chest heaving, his eyes are lidded, and tongue comes out to brush his bottom lip. The silhouette of his body alone could send you into a coma.

“Take your sweater off for me.” His voice is deep. Your breath still catching up to you and your mind floaty, it takes you a second to realize what he said.

His tone was not lost on you though. Something you’ll have to tuck away for later and unpack with him. 

Pulling your upper body off the bed to sit upright, you quickly acquiesce to his request and yank your sweater up over your head and throw it to the floor while maintaining eye contact as best as you can. However, your hands have a mind of their own.

Your palms come up and lay flat against his lower abdomen, running up the rivulets of his abs followed by your lips, pressing soft kisses one by one around his belly button as your hands continue up and over his chest and down his sides. Your eyes flit closed as you feel his hands run through your hair then find their way against your scalp and tighten against the roots pulling your face slightly away from him. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you from this angle.” He says as he brushes his free knuckles against the side of your face and jaw, your eyes opening slowly to see his gentle eyes scanning your face. A rush of heat dances in your belly, and you are overcome with the sudden urge to please him. To make him feel good, the way he makes you feel good by just existing in your life. 

Your hands find the button of his slacks quickly, unbuttoning them and pulling the zipper down. His hand tightens in your hair faintly, and you can’t help the moan that escapes your throat. 

“Pants,” is all you can muster. Your hands grab the waistband and try to pull but the snugness of the fit fights against you. Before you can summon the courage to clarify yourself, his hand tightens aggressively as he maneuvers your head to face back up at him.

“Come again?” His face is stoic, except for a brow that’s raised. His composure is so different than he’s ever been with you before. His attitude was always kind, lamb-like towards you. Soft words spoken to a soft shell of a person. But the tone in his words, the severity of this change in him, like he knows your body is craving someone to be rough with you. 

“These pants need to come off.” You tug at the waistband again, but his face remains focused on you. Expression changeless. His eyes bore into you while your mind finally reaches for what he wants from you. 

“Take your pants off… please?” You don’t miss the desperation in your voice. It’s not a new tone for you but the words felt fresh coming from your lips.

“Anything for you baby.” As he releases your hair and pushes your body back slowly until you’re resting on your elbows. 

He backs off the edge of the bed, and you watch as he steps out of his tight black slacks. The dips in his pelvic area creating the perfect tunnel for your eyes to follow down to his boxers. You can tell his eyes are watching yours, but you continue to stare down, mesmerized by every curve his body makes. 

He waits for you to meet his eyes before he makes the next move to pull down his boxers. Your lips part as you see in your peripheral, his cock springing free. You continue to stare at each other for a moment, your heart racing, until his eyes slowly trail down to your legs sitting open in front of him.

A rush of nerves flows down your body at your vulnerable position, and instinctively you move to close your legs, but he quickly reaches out and catches your knees before they can shut. 

“No being shy now. I need to see you.” He says as his hands smooth down your upper thighs to the hem of your skirt. He touches the fabric softly before pushing it further up to expose you more. His hands come up the outside of your thighs before hooking under your knees and pushing them up against your stomach. 

There you are, laid out for him in just your lacy black bra and matching panties with your skirt pushed up and his hands on your body. Your arms feel weak, and your elbows almost give out when you have a moment to really study his face looking down at you. He almost looks pained. His jaw is set tight, and his brows are bunched together. Your stomach swirls, and you feel the patch of wetness on your panties grow.

“Fuck. I can’t believe I’ve had to wait this long to see you like this.” He says as he brings his knees back onto the bed to get closer to you. Between the small gap of your knees your eyes can finally see his cock. Your breath hitches in your throat as you take in its length and size, filled out completely from just looking down at your body.

“Chris, please, I wanna taste you. Let me taste you.” You say, breathless.

He laughs and pokes his tongue into his cheek before pushing your legs closer to your chest forcing you off your elbows and onto your back. 

“No matter how much I loved hearing that from your lips, you’re gonna have to stop saying stuff like that, babygirl, or you’re going to drive me insane. I could come right now from the sight of you alone.” His fingers on your thighs dig into you a little deeper.

Your hands grip the fabric of the bed and whatever little patience or control you thought you might have had slips away. 

“Then kiss me. Shut me up.” You say with frustration.

A small, mischievous smile twists his lips, 

“I plan on it.” He says as his body dips to flatten on the bed. Before you can register what is happening, his plush lips press softly on the thin cotton covering you. A moan escapes you as you feel the heat flood your body. 

“This isn’t going to keep me quiet.” You say under your breath.

His lips come off you, and his hands find their way down your thighs till they both rest next to your center. You feel one of his fingers gently trace their way from the top, down to the bottom of the wetness on the cotton and back up again. The sensation sending a soft shudder down your spine.

“I don’t want it to.” He says as he hooks his finger into the fabric and pulls it aside, exposing you to the cold air. A deep breath is sucked into your chest as you feel the first contact of his tongue pressed flat against you. The warmth invades your senses. He keeps it there a moment before starting to lick at you slowly, then increasing in speed and intensity, finding every inch of skin with his tongue. 

This feeling alone has you panting quickly, your fingers digging into the soft bedspread below you. His free hand palms at the flesh on your thigh, massaging it deeply with his thumb until it reaches the edge of you, spreading you out for better access. You yelp as his tongue enters you, and the muscle dances around creating a buzz beneath your stomach.

“Mmmm, you taste fucking fantastic.” He says before attaching his plump lips to your clit, sucking gently.

“Chris.. ohmygod...” Is all you can get out before you feel one of his fingers find your entrance and tease you with it. The combined feeling has you pinching your eyes shut and a whine leaving your throat. Before you can manage to wrap your head around the pleasure coursing through your body you feel two of his fingers thrust themselves inside of you, each finger alternating in a curling motion.

Your head is spinning as you become a mess of heavy breathing and loud moans falling from your lips. His name coming in between harsh inhales. Your legs tremble as his sucking increases in intensity, coiling a knot inside of you so tight that when it snaps, you’re afraid recovering from it will be impossible. 

“I, Chris, I’m..” You mumble incoherently as your legs give out and fall from their hiked-up position to rest over his shoulders effectively closing him in between your thighs. 

“Come for me, baby, come on my fingers. Let me hear you.” He says before reattaching his lips on you and furthering his power and concentration on your pleasure. 

His tongue swirls around your clit, sending you fast over the edge. Your breath hitches in your throat, and you hold it in while the muscles in your body let go and dance under his touch. The feeling courses through you so strongly, when the peak finally subsides your legs instinctively close against his head suffocating him in your center. You hear him moan deeply and his fingers leave you so both of his hands can come around to your hips, gripping you and pushing your body harder against his face.

His mouth on overdrive, he licks, sucks and kisses you into oversensitivity. Your head buzzes at the feeling as your hands find his on your hips, wrapping your fingers around his wrist and bucking your hips further into him. 

“Chris, please, oh fuck,” you muster between your whines. 

His grip tightens on you, and you hear another moan from him, this time louder and deeper sending vibrations through your skin and deep into the bottom of your stomach. You’re positive you’ve never come twice in such quick succession, but your body reacts on its own, sending you straight off the edge from his attention.

Your body shakes, and your hands let go of him to find their way into your hair. You squeeze at the roots and ground yourself into the sweeping sensation all over your body. His hands release your hips and smooth over your stomach and waist feeling your muscles tighten and contract beneath them.

He slows his exertion, seemingly satisfied with your exhaustion and pulls his head away slightly guiding you to drop your tight hold with your thighs. They part and fall to the sides leaving his face unobstructed from your view, if only you could find the strength to lift your head.

Before you can fully catch your breath, you feel him untangle himself from your lower half, grab your panties and skirt, pulling them down and off your legs, and crawl up the bed and over your body until you’re face to face. His eyes are lidded and heavy and the bottom half of his face glistens as his tongue comes out to lick his lips. 

“I hope you liked that as much as I did.” He says with a slightly cocky smile on his lips. 

“For fuck’s sake, Chris.” You huff out jokingly as his body flattens against yours between your legs. His cock hard and warm, pressed flat against your wetness. Your tiredness aside, the sensation sparks through your body, making your breath shudder.

He laughs and connects your lips together. You didn’t even realize just how much you missed the feeling of his soft lips pressed against yours, however busy they were just a few seconds ago. Your stomach stirs again feeling his body weight against yours.

“You’re so tight, baby. We might have to go a little bit slow even after me doing my best to help you relax.” He says between kisses. Your arms wrap around his neck and legs come up to hook themselves around his waist, moving your hips until the tip of his cock is closer to your entrance. 

“I can handle it. I know I can.” You say against his lips.

His eyes close and his brows furrow as you slightly move your hips again in a circular motion. Dragging him along your wetness hoping to edge his patience into taking action. You stick your tongue out and lick his lower lip. His eyes snap back open and in one quick motion you are flipped around until you are laying over him.

“Come on baby, sit yourself down on me. Take your time. I wanna see your face as you work yourself open on me.” He reaches down and cups your ass to get a handful and squeezes. 

Your brain feels foggy, and it can’t believe it’s hearing Chris say these things to you. Using his arms as leverage you push yourself up into a seated position on your knees with him nestled perfectly beneath you. Your hands come up to your bra and go to unhook it, but his hands stop you.

“Leave it on.” His voice is deep again in a way that vibrates your chest. His hands push yours aside and caresses both of your breasts over the lacy fabric, using his thumbs to rub back and forth over your nipples. The fabric is thin, and the contact is enough to make them harden beneath it. You watch his face as he continues his work, feeling your nipples through the fabric, pinching them a few times making you moan and then pulling the fabric down to expose them. 

He ghosts his fingertips over them sending a shiver down your spine. One of his hands comes up to your mouth, softly pressing his fingertips onto your lips until you part them and take them in, gently sucking and licking them. His own lips part as you wet his fingers, and his hips rut up once against you as if working on their own accord. 

A soft “fuck” leaves his lips as he takes his fingers away and rubs them against one of your nipples. Circling it and pinching it, creating sweet shocks of pleasure. You close your eyes and enjoy the feeling until you feel a sharp smack on your ass. You can’t help the excited yelp that leaves you as your eyes snap back open.

“Let me feel you, babygirl,” he says, eyes lidded, looking like he’s right on the edge of his self-control. As if he wants to snap and take over but is fighting himself to let you take the lead. 

A new swirl in your stomach forms and you plant your hands on his chest. You move your hips up and down on him slightly, feeling his length beneath you before lifting yourself off him. One of his hands comes down to grip your waist, and the other to the base of his cock to hold it up for you to do with as you please. 

You waste little time centering and slowly sinking an inch or two down. The hand holding himself quickly pulls away before attaching itself to the other side of your waist. His eyebrows bunch as he fixes his gaze down to where you two meet. You stay there for a few beats, relishing in the stretch and heat of him. It floods all your senses, sending warmth from below your belly all the way up to the tips of your ears.

Not even a moment passes before your body sends desperate shivers down your legs to give in and sink down. You can sense he’s being extremely patient with your pace, his fingers twitching slightly on your skin, begging you to move. You swirl your hips in a circle as you lower yourself fully onto him, unable to resist the urge to let your jaw go slack and your head fall back.

You feel immediately insane. Every inch of your body is screaming to keep yourself filled by him forever. Your hands grip his pecs as you start to bounce on him. You see his expression change rapidly from one of frustration and restraint to pure, uncontained lust. His hands seek your hips and squeeze harshly on the flesh prompting you to pick up your pace. It’s not long before you’re panting and moaning softly above him. Almost unable to keep your eyes open at the pleasure coursing through your body.

Desperate to feel him even deeper than you could possibly imagine you pick your hands off him and sit up arching your back and rolling your hips forward. His hands are quick to react to your new position as they start to roam over your stomach, up your sides and back down to squeeze at your thighs working hard over him. 

Your hands come back behind you and land on his upper thighs to help keep you upright as you continue to bounce on him. However, you know it won’t last long, the power you want cannot be maintained by the strength that you have. 

Moving your face back down to face him you’re stunned by how beautiful he looks beneath you. His skin is glistening above his collarbones and gently across the apples of his cheeks. His mouth is open and his eyes that were once dancing across your body come up to meet yours. 

“Chris, I…” You start before moaning loudly as his hands grab your ass and squeeze.

“Kiss me, please,” leaves your lips as you feel your legs shake.

He groans softly and quickly fixes himself into an upright position and latches his lips onto yours, wrapping his arms around your body. His new position creates a new angle, and you clench around him pressing your body up against his and wrapping your arms around his neck. As soon as he feels you, his body reacts pistoning up into you as best as he can at a bed shaking pace.

His kisses renew your strength as your body starts to move with his, pushing him further into you and hitting the perfect spot over and over again.

"How does it feel, baby?" His lips detach for yours and find themselves at your neck sucking harshly at the skin.

“So.. good” is all you can mumble between breaths.

“Tell me again.” He says firmly, biting down on the space just above your collarbone then quickly licking over the sensitive skin. 

"You feel so good, Chris. I need you. Please." Your words are accentuated by you clenching around him. His hips stutter, and he quickly flips both of you over until you are lying on your back again under him. His hands smooth up your body as he sinks all the way down into you and stops at the hilt.

"You’re so perfect. You feel so perfect. I need you to come for me again, you're going to do that for me, right?" He fixes the position of his body until your legs are pushed up against your chest again, and his body is laying on top of yours. He puts one hand between you to massage your clit with his thumb as the other comes up to caress your face, his elbow perched on the bed beside your head. 

His passion is pouring out through his hips as soon as he starts to move again. You need more though; you need his perfect lips against yours again to seal all the emotion and pleasure. You reach an arm out and wrap it around his neck pulling his face into yours and without missing a beat he licks into your mouth and pulls on your bottom lip with his teeth sending you fast off the edge of your next high.

Your body shakes and pushes itself up against him, willing him to let go with you, to feel him inside of you. 

“Give me what I want, Chris. Please baby.” you whisper in his ear.

Your words spur him on as both of his hands find their way to your face and he kisses you through his release. Sloppy and heated kisses mixed with his stuttering hips colliding with you slowly over and over again until he is satisfied with his depth and pleasure.

He pulls away from your face slowly, leaving soft pecks on your lips until he can look you in the eyes. A tired smile is gentle across your face. Both of your heavy breathing mix in the air together. He takes his time moving his body off yours and onto the bed next to you, pulling you onto your side with one of your arms and legs draped across his front.

His hand runs up and down your arm as you both settle your breathing and bask in the heated air. There’s a serene sort of stillness that has settled around you that only comes from clearing your soul out. 

You hear him hum in contentment above you. His hand on your back rubs up and down your spine. Your breath is soft again, blowing gently across his chest as you lift your head up and place a kiss where your cheek was then crane your neck to look up at his face. His eyes are closed and the glow on his face is ethereal. 

“We still have cake.” You whisper to him with a soft smile on your lips.

His eyes jump open, “Oh fuck, that sounds so good right now.” He’s never sounded so serious about a piece of cake before.

You start to laugh as his body kicks into action, jumping off the bed and swooping you up into his arms bridal style carrying you back into the living room. 

“Chris, our clothes!” You bark out through your laughter as your arms wrap around his neck.

He winks and kisses the tip of your nose, “Nahhh, we don’t need 'em yet.”

Thank you to @thehandmaidenofcreativity for helping me edit this mess! Love you bb <3

[luvehhj]

OMGGGG

﴾ i drink your blood and i eat your skin, part twelve.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x f!reader

genre: vampire au

word count: 11,6K

warnings: angst ⋆ smut ⋆ dry humping!

masterlist

playlist

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Your lips were apart, mimicking those kisses he put into your hairline. They were soft, like a feather caressing and tickling your heated skin. You could feel your own blood ablaze by his touch, eyes just barely open from the feeling of his hands on you. A fog, a translucent mist blinded you and you knew it was nothing, but desire. You were far away, too deep into that dark feeling, his short and heavy breaths like a gentle, cold breeze blowing in your ears. His hands, cold yet warm from the meaning they held, followed the curve of your waist, nothing but a thin fabric separating you from feeling his blunt nails scratching you.

Your mind was empty, you only feel now. You didn’t feel anything other than him softly holding you into him and this never felt before pleasure. It was so consuming, it was too strong and you did nothing, but succumb to it. Your head rolled back, his broad, muscular shoulder letting you take a look at him. His stare was unmoving, yours hazy and you could see his eyes flickering from light blue to flaming red. He pressed his hand onto your stomach, pulling you closer to his chest that rose heavily under you. A sigh left your lips, when his fingers digged softly into your plush skin.

Coldness, coming from his other hand that found your exposed shoulder blade, made goosebumps appear all over your body. You felt yourself trembling, sighing out in short puffs as his hand traveled across you. From your shoulder to your collarbones, dipping just slightly into the place were your bone made a prominent dent, like he was trying to crawl his way into your heart. His hand caressed the neckline of your flimsy nightdress, hanging so loosely around your body, before he went a little higher. Your eyes were teary, not even questioning yourself why, because they came to you naturally. It didn’t feel like you had any control over your body — he did and he looked well aware of it. You didn’t pull away nor protested…you had become a mere puppet in his hungry hands.

His eyes changed. Red swirling around his blown out pupils that held so much longing. His lips, bitten raw by his sharp teeth were smeared with his own blood. You own lips fell apart, like trying to catch a drop of him. You wanted to taste the tangy and irony liquid on your tongue, but your next breath was taken away from you, when his fingers pressed into your neck. Your small gasp was still loud enough to cut through the fog around you. You couldn’t move, you couldn’t do anything against him, too weak to even jump away, when he tilted your head back to bare your naked neck at him.

A subtle kiss landed on to the exposed skin, his saliva that seemed to drool out of his mouth making you shiver in expectation. Just the tips of his fingers pushed into your pulse, lips nearing the marked spot. His tongue run along the length of your neck, before there was a pause in his movements. You had a feeling why — you knew why and you did nothing to stop him. His hold was strong, mouth running over you like he wanted to replace your natural scent with his. You felt the sharpness of his canines scraping you, you felt how his movements came to a full stop, mouth right on the vein pushing against your skin. And then without any word or a sound his teeth broke the thin skin of your neck.

Your body didn’t become stiff nor fought against the obvious danger that at the moment seemed like nothing, but everything. There was no pain, only this wave of pleasure crushing over you that seemed to have no end at this moment. His teeth were so deep in you, mouth sealing the spot so not even a drop could be wasted. He sucked your blood softly, lovingly. Everything seem to became more bright to you the more he drank from you, but then it all changed when your hand fell on his…

You didn’t recognize it…it felt suddenly so heavy against you, so cold it made your own freeze and you felt a sudden and unbearable pressure on your neck. You suddenly felt the painful sensation from where his lips were and your eyebrows pulled together, mewling in discomfort. Your hand pressed down on his again in hopes he would pull away, but he only pulled you more closer to his hard body. The hand on your neck wrapped around your airways, making you gasping sharply, but your own breaths were taken away from you. You started to crash against at him, screeching agony filling you. More and more you try to escape his hold and you at that realize how sharp his nails had become — how his mouth opened and his teeth started to nibble at your flesh, tearing you apart.

So cold — everything became so cold. You could only feel the sensation of your hot blood flowing down your body. A cry, small and broken left you when you felt the teeth of the vampire pushing into your pulse. You wanted to scream, plea for him to stop and spare you from the agony. Your head filled with screams of your own, but you swore you could hear every scream from all the victims of this creature latching onto you. He didn’t feel like the man you thought he was — he became a monster…a man hungry for power.

You started to fall, eyes closing and opening. It was like you could see the picture of your dismise right in front of you. Were you really that blinded by his beauty and his voice, his promises and shared whispers that you couldn’t see the truth? The painful truth that you were suddenly pulled away from, when he pulled his teeth out of you. The last drops that were left in you weren’t enough to help your senses. He took everything from you and when your heavy head tilted to glance upon him — you couldn’t even see him. He became just a blur, his features unreadable and you wondered if it even was truly him in the first place. The only thing you could feel was the agony, exhaustion and a hush whispers piercing you.

“Come to me.”

The words strike you, haunt you, lingering in you as your eyes fall shut. Your hand was outstretched, trying to catch — safe yourself from the big fall. You scratched at the last pieces of hope and sanity, but it all slipped right through your heavy hands. An agonizing and terrifying darkness filled your body, mind and all of your senses. It tasted horrible, like dirt and iron, it smelled like rotten flesh, felt freezing to the touch and in your state you couldn’t even open your eyes. You could feel yourself falling, stuck in the moment and terrified of the thing that is waiting for you at the end of the path.

Your body started to tremble wildly, fighting against it, but it all soon started feel like there was something holding you — squeezing you in hopes you would open your heavy lidded eyes. You didn’t want to, you fought against it, but it soon become so great, you couldn’t stop yourself from blinking your eyes open.

The same blur, fog that blinded your sight came back, but when you blinked more and more you soon realized it were just your tears blocking your way. Everything swirled around you, colors, textures and shapes all over the place, before you start to recognize the new light that formed before you. Him — he was the one shaking you, one of his cold hands on your shoulder and the other right on the side of your neck. You breathed heavily through your nose, staring at the man hovering over you. On his face was fright, while also relief, but when he sighed in such emotion, your ears started to ring at that familiar sound and you saw nothing else, but your vanishing memory. How he gripped onto you so tightly, teeth deep inside your neck that is still being held by him, the pain that he caused you — you had to jump away from him.

You sit up, pushing away from his hold that felt soft to the touch, but you still could remember how it so quickly became unbearable. Your own hand finds your neck, searching for any sign, anything…but there was nothing, but your jumping pulse under your finger tips. Your eyes blink rapidly, jumping around the room, lip quivering. “It’s me…” You hear his whisper, but you only shook your head in denial. Turning back to him there was nothing, but pain — he is broken by your sudden fright you held. “Y/N.” His voice started to hurt your ears. You couldn’t catch your breath, your body covered in a thin layer of sweat and goosebumps. You mind was shattered into pieces and you have hard time picking them up, when nothing, but darkness covered every corner of the room.

“Can you feel it?” You say, voice rough like from screaming, far away like it’s wasn’t your own. “I felt it…” Your eyes were looking behind him, waiting for anything to climb out of its hiding to catch you with its claws and teeth. You could still feel those cold hands gripping, you still could sense the monster eating you alive…

The man beside you came closer and you almost cry out as you began to tell him apart. It wasn’t him, it couldn’t be — then why did he remind you so much of the thing you saw? It wasn’t him…in the dream, you were just dreaming. Dreath and absolute exhaustion wraps around you and your eyes soon fill with tears. You were loosing your mind, not even few moments of joy you felt in this house could help your corrupted mind.

Hyunjin watched you — the first twitch in your features, the first irregular jump in your heartbeat. How you started to breathe heavier, how your body became hot, how your lips parted into a silent cry. He was paralyzed by how your once peaceful state formed into this. You were shaking, pleading for what you were experiencing to stop and he instantly leaped from his state of shock and fright to pull you out of yours. Now, you are looking at him so wildly, like you were still sleeping and not being able to recognize him. You had trouble recognizing the real, the truth.

He sees your hand on your neck, pinching almost at the thin skin. You jumped away from him so fast that it looked like his touch burned you, but the more he stared at you, the more your expression pulled into sadness and defeat. He couldn’t help himself from not closing the distance between you, that seemed long as mile. When he moves closer to you, you don’t move away from him again, on the other hand you are slowing falling into his awaiting embrace. His hands fall onto your shaking, slumped shoulders, pushing at you just so carefully. He pulls you to him softly, scared that you would again move away, but you only crumble against his chest. Your head falls to his shoulder, your hot tears staining him and letting him feel your pain. “I thought, I was getting better…” Your voice is broken and his own eyes sting from your state.

Hyunjin doesn’t want to say that it was again just a dream and nothing more, he started to also believe that something is happening to you — and he seems to have not a clue why. He didn’t know anything and it is hurting him so badly to see your blissed and joyful smile turn so quickly into to sorrow and pain. He has no explanation, it is like he has to know himself why, because you are his second half — person he searched for so long and you are being taken away from him so soon and right before his eyes. The rage in him wanted nothing more than to destroy everything, everyone doing this, but now the sadness overpowered everything in him.

He watches, how your hand still lingered on your neck, pressing down on one specific spot, right over your pulse. His own hand travels to yours and it shakes in his hold as he pulls it away from your red neck, marked by your own touch. You were only hurting yourself more. “There’s nothing–“ It is like he knew you were searching for something and you let him turn your head to look at the mirror beside the bed.

Your face is pale, eyes red and puffy, tears drying on your body that slowly stopped trembling the more his touch seeped through your skin. You look down at your neck and you find nothing. Not even a small mark and you at that remembered the night before. It wasn’t him, you remember his kisses — so different to those you dreamed about. Yet there wasn’t even a spot that would tell you that even the night before happened. You started to almost wonder if you also just dreamt about it…

“Nothing…” You repeat to yourself, closing your eyes briefly from the pleasurable, sweet and intimate memory, before turning to look at him. “It was nothing.” Just another dream, another nightmare that it wanted you to seen and feel. It wasn’t real…it wasn’t your own mind doing this to you.

Hyunjin held your face in his hands, thumbs going over your dried tears and he nodded in agreement to encourage you. He smiled softly, but it was subtle, because you are still holding onto that dream. He wishes, he could be the one instead of you. “Just another dream–“ Or an omen? Can you really pretend, tell yourself that it wasn’t nothing, but a dream? You would be lying to yourself and you are not sure if it would help to ease your mind.

His lips, so soft and pillowy land on your forehead and you slowly melt into it. This intimate touch, it couldn’t be mimicked, but you still fell for its tricks. You look at his face — from his lips, still stained by you, to his eyes, blue and calming. “Then why did it feel so real?” You whisper, pulling yourself closer to him, scared of the darkness behind his figure. He had to feel it, it still lingers on his lips — but to him he couldn’t taste anything, feel nothing other than your emotions. Hyunjin couldn’t sense the reason. Your hand, still in his falls onto your neck, images of its lips and teeth flashing before you — so painful and do cold. “It’s like I could still feel it — feeding from me.“

Hyunjin stare is hard, face pulled into a frown that seem almost unemotional, but you can see the questions in his eyes. His fingers replace yours, trailing over the vein in your neck, but he did not look away from your eyes. “Feeding…” The word is familiar to him and when his gaze drops finally to your neck, he suddenly looks back at your face with a knowing look. “Were you dreaming of a vampire?” He asks, back straightening so minimally you almost missed it, but you could see the anger in his eyes. The anger from realizing that a same creature like him did this to you.

You grimace, your head pounding when you go back to the dream, only finding yourself searching — you can’t even remember it correctly and again there was nothing, but pain left behind it. “Yes…it was horrible—“ You choke almost, forgetting how to breathe. “It was so strong and I couldn’t do anything, I felt everything it did to me, and then I was falling — losing…” Your eyes sting, but you have no tears left, too exhausted to cry. You look at your hand, into your palm that soon is hidden by his and it makes you glance back at him. “You saved me. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t wake me—“ The hand on your neck no longer holds pain and you sigh in relief, it was really him.

Hyunjin doesn’t let you finish, shaking his head, pulling you closer to his body. “Nothing, Y/N…” His hand on your neck comes to your face and you sigh again at the gentleness. “Nothing would’ve happened because it was just….nothing.” But was it? He pulls away from you slightly and you just catch the flash in his eyes.

Your lips fall apart. “You don’t believe me?” You ask him in small disbelief and you feel your heart cracking.

Hyunjin doesn’t answer right away, not looking at you fully and you can only look at him in shock. His hold on you suddenly becomes heavy and when you just barely indicate to pull yourself away from him, it was like your move pull him out his thoughts. You stay silent, waiting for his answer as the air around you thickens. He has to sigh, looking over your almost disappointed expression. “I do believe you, trust me…” He sighs, breath mixing with yours and his words do sound truthful. “I watched the dream happen to you, but I can’t say that isn’t just your mind.” You listen carefully, face falling just a little. “Part of me thinks it isn’t, because you still have bits of my blood in you, it should’ve helped you sleep…but we also no so little…”

You nod, looking at his eyebrows that are pulled into a frown. “You don’t know if you can trust my dreams.” You voice out the obvious and you see why and understand how he feels about these things happening to you. “I understand, but please listen to me–“ You can’t believe, it doesn’t make sense that it truly could be just your mind. You don’t know yourself — you don’t know anything, other than those emotions you experience every time something like this happens to you and it can’t come from you. “The pain, the emotions, all these things I feel in my sleep, with my eyes closed and mind open can’t be made up — they can’t.”

Your words come out choked, because you just now realize how you started to crumble again just from the lingering memory of the dream. Your eyes are red, lip trembling and his heart breaks, because how could he say such thing? You are the only thing that matters, you are everything and how could he question your own pain? He doesn’t like to show his emotions and it seem like you were once the same as him, but now you are letting him in — letting him see you like this, letting him be the person that shall hold you and whisper sweet nothings to your ears in hopes he would curse those haunting thoughts away. But he…he doesn’t know if he is ready to share with you his own pain and sadness. Because it would mean that this would be real…

He huggs you tightly, letting your head fall onto his chest and he wonders if you can hear his death heart beating as he tries to escape the pain. He has to be the strong one, but his voice betrays his cold demeanor. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I do believe you, I really do–“ His tone of voice is so shaky, almost unrecognizable, but you do not break more, it seems like hearing such raw emotion from him makes you calmer.

Your heart hammers against your chest. The feeling of his arms caging you was something so new to you, but also so familiar. “You think a witch is doing this to me?” You wonder out loud, mouth pressed against his white, thin shirt.

You can basically feel him shaking his head, the slump in his shoulders showing a small defeat. “I can’t say, I do not know much about them, but if they would be powerfull enough then maybe, it would make sense why we didn’t find anything.” His voice is clear now as few moments pass by, you both became calmer in each other arms.

“But shouldn’t you know about them? All of them?”

“Yes, but we mainly keep track of our own species, though witches are certainly one that should be aware of by anyone…” Hyunjin sighs into your hair. “I hate that I know nothing, that I can’t do anything other than wait–“

You pull away from his chest ever so slightly, just to look up at him. He watches your lips stretch into a small smile that seem to be more broken than ever. “Then let’s just wait…” You mumble, your words piercing him.

He looks at you softly, but the pull at his eyebrows stays the same. “Please, don’t sound like that..” He pleas.

“Like what?”

“So defeated…” The smile disappears from your face, eyes dimming.

“The ball is tomorrow.” You say, stating the obvious and the painful truth that you will have to go through. Time is closing onto you, so close to the end which you don’t even know it’s goal. You can’t ignore the fact that you maybe really will die tomorrow, the sliver of hope becoming so little it seems like there wasn’t even one to begin with. Maybe if your dreams weren’t so terrible, so haunting, maybe if you would not think of the worst. But there’s him — he on the other hand tries the ignore the obvious and hope for the better.

“I know.” He says, looking down at you, with sorrow, hand twitching against your hot cheek. “But please don’t be afraid, no one will even dare to touch you with me by your side.”

“But what if they come?” Are you trying to push him away, see what would be the breaking point for him to let you go? He would never…

“Not even them.” Hyunjin states, tone hard and you fight the argue to crumble again from his determination.

Your eyes blink slowly at him, melting into the palms of his hands. You could still remember just how much you feared him before, despise him almost and now? You think you have never felt more cared for. It’s still so foreign and when you finally did succumb to your emotions again, it might be all soon gone. You do not know if you are more afraid of death or from the fact you might never feel like this again. “Hyunjin…” It’s like a prayer, lips falling apart as his thumb presses on your bottom lip. He wants you to repeat his name again.

“Y/N…I know sadly that if they do know of you that they already would try-“ He can’t finish the god forsaken word, but you do it for him.

“To kill me?” You continue, your still joined hands shaking around each other. The word for you means such a familiarity. “Because I know what you are?”

He feels your every word on his thumb that comes to caress your cupids bow. “Yes…” That answers both of your question, though the first one still lingers in the room. The oldest of his kind disappeared a long time ago, abandoning their responsibilities and appearing only to express their displeasures. Even if they don’t show themselves, they hide behind every corner so there would be not a single thing missed by them. Something tells him they do know about you and hearing that their first rule — humans can’t know of our kind, was broken…they surely would have done something about it a long time ago. Maybe they are also waiting for your enemy to reappear so they could for once take a stand — maybe they are just here for the show. Hyunjin, like everyone know their act — trying to appear uninterested, but they thrive in the drama of it all. Were they waiting for the right moment or did they already decided that killing you will do them no good? If they did that, their true enemy would win and that’s something Hyunjin knows they would not be pleased by.

So lost in his thoughts he just know sees the look on your face. “Is there something you wish to tell me?” He already knows what it is about as you look back at him.

“Can I?” You cough, wincing at your weak voice. While he became lost in his thoughts, you also started to think about all of this. You again thought of the possible future and then it led you to your friend Mia. How is she? Does she misses you as much as you miss her? You need to hear her voice if it means you might never hear again. She is your everything, a shoulder to cry on, a person that would listen to your every trouble and every dream you had for yourself before this. You miss her so much and the fact her face started to fade away made you taste bitter. “If something does happened to me, can I at least talk with my friend before I-“

Just a small anger flashes in his eyes from your words, fingers pressing into your skin more meaningfully. “You won’t, don’t you even dare finish it…” Hyunjin realizes how harsh he sounds, when you give him a look of guilt. You were asking him something, but he firstly didn’t hear anything other than you excepting your end. You were asking him for permission to talk to your friend, which you maybe might not meet again and the fact you are asking him, makes him feel awful. “You, of course you may talk to your friend.” His tone of voice is softer now, understanding.

The silence after is welcoming. In his quiet presence you gather your thoughts, take your time to calm your heart and mind. He helps you go through every thought with his thumb rubbing circles over your hand, lingering on your ring finger slightly. The darkness around you clears and you realize that again it’s sunset, orange light peaking from behind the curtains. It’s almost amusing how much your body got used to his life style. You can feel his gaze on you, not to mention his face is just few centimeters away from yours and you have to calm yourself down from the proximity. However you two were yesterday way closer to each other, so close…the memory is bright to you and finally that somehow helps you forget the pain and future. You wonder if he can hear your racing thoughts, feel and maybe see the blood under your skin rushing to your face. You always thought that being intimate with someone would be different — nerve racking, but you didn’t feel that scared of showing that side of you, that you only knew of yourself till the night before.

You see the shift in his face way before you hear the sound of the door to the bedroom opening, jumping lightly in your spot as the door slam into the wall. Your widened eyes snap to the direction, while the man before you slowly follows your movements. The sandy haired man looks instantly at you two, eyes widening just slightly like he was the one being startled, though the spark is not missed in his eyes. “I’ve been waiting…for way too long.” He says and without any further explanation he marches into the room, right to the direction of your closet.

Your confusion makes you momentarily forget about your thoughts, glancing at Hyunjin briefly, before looking back into the doorway when another man appears. The blonde right upon his arrival flashes you a dazzling smile that flatters just a little at your state. He could see right through you, even if you are now bewildered by this odd visit more than anything. “You alright?” Felix asks you, eyes going back and forth between you and Hyunjin, before they fall at your still joined hands.

You can see from the corner of your eye how Minho stops just for a moment his ramming through the closet to also glance at you. Just for a moment you don’t want to think and you do silently thank for such a distraction from their presence. “Of course.” You nod at him and you can feel all of their eyes on you, knowing, but thankfully they do not ask further. Your eyes go back to the man at the closet, looking over those dresses given to you. You can’t lie that his minor expression aren’t amusing. “What’s the rush?” You ask, looking at Felix who leans on the doorway.

You gasp, when you suddenly from the corner of your eye see Minho throwing a dress right at you, but thankfully the vampire beside you catches it before it can be smashed into your face. Hyunjin sends an unimpressed look his way, but his friend only flashes him a crooked smile. “Just joins us at the dance room, when you are ready.” He says, walking away, with a hand on Felix’s shoulder to push him out of the room. “Be quick.” He states and Hyunjin has to roll his eyes at his behavior, but it is soothed with an apologic smile from his other friend.

You only give him a small look of confusion, however not too worried about what this might be about as you look down at the sparkling light dress in your hands. The fabric is soft, like water pooling in your hands and the color stands out in the darkness. Your mind and heart betrays you — it almost looks like a wedding dress and the irony is strong on your taste buds. You don’t have to look at Hyunjin to see if the same thing is on his mind, pushing yourself out of his hold to change. Alone, because you don’t know if you could hold yourself back if he would touch you again like yesterday. Though you don’t know that’s what he was waiting for — give into your desire.

────

A big weight was put onto your shoulders the moments you stepped into the dress. The soft fabric was nothing, but burning, when you saw yourself in the mirror. You wonder if Minho gave you this dress on purpose or maybe he didn’t think that you would actually take it the wrong way. It’s beautiful, you can’t lie about that, but the light sparkle didn’t match your sorrow expression. Though when you stepped out of the bathroom, so nervously, heart jumping, when Hyunjin turned to look at you, it all became too…real.

You don’t even know if you will live long enough to see yourself in this type of dress again. Maybe and maybe the man looking at you would be standing there at the end with the same look of astonishment like right now. You know that the ball was just a plan — a plan that is only mean to provoke the people you are the most afraid of. Then why did it really feel so real?

Hyunjin will have to thank his friend for such an amazing choice. You looked nothing, but perfect as always and without even a single word whispered he knew what you wanted to say. However is it wrong to enjoy this while it lasts? While he has you by his side? He waited for so long and he will try anything in his power so it will last forever. No man, no creature would be able to steal you from him, he will not let it happen.

The silence is loud as he approaches you, taking in your beauty — every mark and every wrinkle. He hears your heart calling, jumping with his every step and just then you start to feel the sadness and pain quiver. Your lips so slightly lift up, but it was real. He took your arm, lacing it with yours and when you both went to meet his long life friends, he sees you both in the small reflection of the golden decor. The image becomes imprinted in his mind, fingers twitching, because he knows he will have to paint this memory to fully grasp it. To seal it…

The walk to the dance room is short and quiet, till the soft sounds of a piano fills it up. You ease at the soft and wonderful sound as you let the man holding you guide you. His home has so many secrets, you always become amazed by how many places there are and that you haven’t explored yet. The glass doors before you are opened, warm candle light welcoming and you are taken back by the polished floor that reflects the beautiful frescoes on the ceiling. Your eyes follow the sound of a music, falling on the short haired man sitting before a piano.

You know that he and the man behind him could sense you way before you walked into the room, but your presence doesn’t disturb Chan. Hyunjin watches you taking in the music, one of the many things that bound his family and he lets you have your moment of complete peace from his brother’s playing. Chan’s fingers move on the keys lightly, precisely and even if his movements slow down, till he eventually plays the last note, the warmness still lingers. He looks up at you, small smile on his lips and you just know he can tell how pleased you are from his playing and you can’t help, but mimicking him. You enjoy these moments with the others just as much as you do with the man next to you.

Your eyes go to the two men behind him, Minho at your stare putting down his glass filled with what you presume is blood to take a step closer to you. “The ball is tomorrow…as you know.” He says, eyes blinking away from you for a split second, but even though the fact what tomorrow leads to is bitter, he doesn’t sound like it. “There will be a dance and I thought it would be nice of you to join us right here, before tomorrow.”

You nod slowly. “Alright…” You say, watching him take another step closer to you. Were his eyes always so intense? You have to remind yourself of their alluring nature, but still Minho always looks so brooding, but not in such a bad way. The sandy blonde briefly glances at Hyunjin, before pulling your hand out of his hold to his. Your eyes dart between the pair, but you still follow the man holding you into the middle of the room. You blink as the light reflects the sparkles in your dress and you do catch Minho’s eyes lingering on you. When you both came to stop, him guiding your other hand to his upper arm, you can’t help but go back to those few times you have done this. “I-I don’t–“

You shuffle your feet a little, letting him put his hand on your upper back as he finishes your worry. “I know.” You frown a little at his words, not too offended, but still his boldness stabs a little. “I can tell by the way you stand–“ He explains and you at that stop your shuffling, bashfulness creeping up on you. However Minho isn’t too concerned about your lack of experience as he pushes you a little closer to him to gain your attention back. “Put your feet on mine.”

“I don’t know…” Your small insecurity is the thing that irritates him, but he still holds softness. Without a word you are lifted off your feet, small noise getting caught in your throat as he puts you on his shoes. Your wide eyes go to him, but his own are on the man at the piano, nodding at him. Your gaze goes to Hyunjin, who is already looking at you with an unreadable expression and you are startled a little when the man before you takes the first step.

You realize that him putting you on his feet was the right thing to do, because the spinning and twirling around is a little too quick for you. Your hands are gripping onto him, but you know he wouldn’t let you fall, with his brother staring st you so intensely. Minho is a smooth dancer and with years of experience that you lack. The music is slow yet dynamic and you have to wonder what you look like. Your skirt is heavy, separating you from his body and pushing you a little away from him. You can’t even see your feet, so you let him guide you. However he suddenly separates himself from you, pushing his arm out and you do stumble at that, skirt getting caught in your shoe.

His sigh is loud, though not too disappointed. You are embarrassed that the first move you make yourself is wrong, your hand still in his as he stares deeply into the side. “Felix, come here.” He pulls his hand away from yours, making you gather your skirt in your hands, while you watch the blonde emerge from behind the piano to join you two. “Watch.” Minho says, looking at you and you are relieved that he doesn’t sound disappointed in you. You walk away from the middle, feet dragging you to Hyunjin, who still doesn’t take his eyes off you, but too be honest you are too occupied by the dancing pair infront of you.

The music starts again, your eyes on Felix as he takes your place and you soon become hypnotized. They move so smoothly, not missing a beat, gazing into each other’s eyes and you at that just realize how important eye contact was. They form into one. The heels of their shoes click on the floor and its trully mesmerizing that even that sound blends into the music perfectly. When they depart from each other, hands joined, you can finally see where you did wrong. You can feel Minho’s eyes briefly going to you to see if you are paying attention and how could you not...

The blonde replacing your spot, twirls and twists more and more, when the sound of the piano picks up speed. You can tell that they must be following a beat of an different instrument not present in the room and you nervously wonder how much more nerve racking will it be tomorrow. You do in the moment ignore the future, the pair letting you take a small breather, before they all too soon stop.

You watch them bow to each other, before Minho goes to look back at you, without even showing any signs of exhaustion from such a dance. “Good?” He asks, eyes glimmering.

You nod slowly, twirling your fingers. “Good.” You repeat and you watch his eyes go to the man next to you.

“Hyunjin…” A silent question is being asked, the sandy blonde gesturing to your form. You look up at said man, small sparks of nervousness appearing in you. He is already looking at you and you wonder if he even stopped to glance at the pair. “We shall go now…” Your head snaps back to Minho, catching him and the other two man just in time, before they could leave. “Good luck.” His words have a hidden meaning, but you still nod in appreciation. The other two nod at you in small goodbye and your eyes go to Chan, wondering how could you dance without music, but then you realize — they are giving you privacy.

The sound of the doors closing is a heavy in the silence of the room. In your field of vision comes a hand, making you turn to its owner. The candles cast shadows on his face and it makes his small smile stand out more and you fight back the shiver going through you as you put your hand in his. The quiet between you two is so intimate and you can’t keep your eyes off him as he takes you to the the middle of the room. His hold seems to be even softer than Minho’s, but Hyunjin’s definitely is stronger in a sense that it makes you crumble.

You put your hand on his arm, his a little lower on your back, fingers just reaching your waist. It’s on purpose, he couldn’t help himself. Without even a word, he lifts you up just like his friend did, but now it makes you gasp. You can’t look away from him, faces close to each other and you let him guide you. Your moves are still a little shaky even if he is dancing for you both, but that it is mostly now because of him and not your inexperience. “I am not a good dancer, sorry.” It flies out of your mouth, before you can stop yourself, because you now depart from him to twirl, just like his friend showed you.

He shakes his hand, pulling you back to him, but now without lifting you back to step on his feet. “Don’t apologize for such thing, I will guide you.” His voice is soothing, feeling a little better, because he is not judging you at all. His eyes leave your face just to look down at your figure and how your dress beautifully draped over you. You don’t even realize how mesmerizing you are in your dress and how perfectly it twirled with your every move. “See? You are doing great.” ‘Amazing even’, he wanted to say.

With his powers he sees the blood rushing to your face and he hides his small smile behind his hair. Your dancing slows to a simple waltz and you don’t even mind it, when your dance comes to an end. Your bodies sway to the absent music, both of you listening to your heartbeat and blood rushing in your ears. You finally see the small smile on his face as you look up at him. You can feel him making soft circles with his thumb on your waist, even if there was clothing separating you from his touch. The more you look at him, the more you understand his natural twitches in his face, just like now. You watch him silently, your slow dancing coming to an end, when one of his hands leaves you to reach into the back pocket of his pants.

Your mouth falls open a little at what he reveals to you. “My phone…” You say, when he pulls the device out of his pocket to hand it to you. With your stay here you didn’t even think much about it, too caught up in too many different things.

You take it from him, thumb brushing over the slightly dirty screen. “I apologize, that I didn’t give it to you sooner.” He says, though your eyes are still staring at the screen.

“Doesn’t matter.”

The realization of why he gave it you sets in, small lump forming at the back of your throat. You switch on the screen, light shinning into your face and it burns your eyes a little, but as much as the photo on your lockscreen. It’s so weird to be holding something so modern after such a long time. You stare, completely unblinking at the photo of you and your friend and it makes you tremble. It’s like you are looking at a completely different world and your heart breaks at the sight of your friend’s face.

Your thumb hovers over her features and Hyunjin steps away from you, pulling you out of your thoughts and making you glance at him. He only gives you a small look of understanding, taking a few steps away from you. It wouldn’t matter if he would walk away into a different room, but you do honestly appreciate his presence more than anything at this moment. You click away on your phone to your contacts and waiting to press your friend’s name. You don’t know, what you are waiting for, the silence and the guilt and everything seems to only gather, so you at that press blindly at her name.

Putting your phone to your ear, you turn away from Hyunjin, though it wasn’t necessary as he can hear everything. You wonder, what time it is as you glance out of the window next to you, listening to the ringing sound, before it suddenly stops. “Mia?” Your voice is strained, eyes wide.

Your hopes are fullfilled, when you hear a sigh fanning over the speaker. “Hi, Y/N, how are you?” You close your eyes, already shaking, relief instantly washing over you.

“I am good.” You answer after few beats, not joining your friend’s happy tone, but you can’t fight your emotions. It’s all so casual, her voice and tone, it’s like nothing happened.

“How are you enjoying everything?” Mia asks and you hear small shuffling from her side. You wonder what she’s doing, what did she do and didn’t.

“It’s good…” You trail off, eyes going to the side. You don’t know what they told her. “I told you, where I was going, right?” It leaves your mouth smoothly, though it’s quiet.

“Yeah! Greece, right? You always wanted to go there, I know how much you love the sea–“ You nod, eyes closing again, hand tightening around your phone. She sounded so happy for you…

“Yes...how are you though?” You need to know everything, but you know it’s not the time for that, you know that you would crumble and tell her something you shouldn’t. You can’t — you can’t even say, that you might never see each other ever again.

“Everything is good around here, but it’s not complete without you.” Mia’s voice is filled with sadness and even if you know that it’s not so big, it doesn’t help you fight your own right now. “The Johnsons and I miss you, but I’m happy for you. Promise me, you will bring me some other time?”

Your face scrunches, mouth opening in a silent sob and you eyes start to sting at her small question. “I promise.” Your answer is so quiet you wonder if she could hear you properly through the shuffling from her side. She always had to do something, when talking on the phone…

“When are you coming home?”

The tears in your eyes and not voice out cries makes you nonverbal for a second. You press your hand to your eyes, smearing your hot tears across your face and you have to wonder, why you can’t be stronger. “I don’t know….” The strain in your voice is so clear.

There is a small silence on the other line, before the shuffling stops and your friend responds. “Are you okay?” Her voice is so sweet and you hate yourself for not being able to control yourself.

“Yeah, it’s just nice hearing your voice–“ You take a deep breath, while going through your answer, puffing air out of the away from the speaker.

You can hear her smacking her lips softly, cooing then. “Baby, if there’s something you want to tell me then you can.” You smile sadly, feeling the obvious stare at the back of your head.

“I know, I know — maybe later..”

“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow.” Mia sounds unbothered and unknowing of the situation and even if it hurts, it is for the best. The last word is bitter, hurtfull and you dig your nails into your face.

“I can’t tomorrow…I will call you.” You can’t even promise her that.

“Okay and I’ll be waiting.”

You nod, staring out of the window with tears filling up your vision. “I love you.” Your sob almost breaks out of your mouth, making you bite down on your tongue.

“I love you too.”

Then the call ends. The beeping sound fills your ear and your arm falls back loosely to your body. You can’t — can’t breathe and you finally gasp loudly in pain. Your hand presses down on your stomach, body shaking in sobs. A cold air blows around you, before it wraps you into a tight embrace. Your phone falls to the ground, your skirt catching it just before it could shatter in pieces like your heart and you are thankful that he doesn’t stop holding you. You are so exhausted of everything — crying, shaking, knees buckling under you. His arms around your chest pull you to him and you cling onto them, gazing out of the window as the thoughts of the world beyond fill your mind.

────

Your eyes are plastered on the ceiling of the bedroom, hands clasped and fingers tugging loosely at the duvet. There isn’t for once a single thought in your head, only expectation in your body as you lay there in the bed alone. Your ears twitch, the low hum of your blood filling up the silence as you wait. Hyunjin is quiet also, the slightly open door to the bathroom creaking loudly. The age of his home only gives him away. It’s cold in the room as always, but it isn’t uncomfortable, though it certainly isn’t the cold you crave.

Hyunjin hand wraps around the doorway, eyes shining in the dark and drawn to your figure. The fall and rise of your chest is even, not even a single miss of irregularly in your heartbeat. It scares him a little, how calm you seem to be. His eyes fall from you to the couch, feet ready to drag himself to it, but with the first creak of the floor under him makes your lips part. “Join me.” You say and finally at that your heart stop for a split moment, blood rushing under your skin from your own words.

He doesn’t speak, doesn’t ask, following your almost demand and walking up to your layed out body. He stops at the side of the bed and he wonders if you now that the side you are laying on is his, but that no longer is important as your scent fills his nose. Your head falls to the side, glancing at him, him watching you pull away the duvet for him. Such a simple act, but so meaningful. He almost feels bad from the cold his body brings as he sits on the spot you made for him, but that’s exactly what you need to cool down your body.

Your hands touch as he takes the duvet from you to lay down, your figure slightly dipping to him closer as he joins your side. You don’t move away, nor your gaze and he is for the first time the one not looking. His eyes are on the trees, twisting around the wind blowing outside. Your scent is stronger than ever and he has to close his eyes in delight. He hears your lips falling apart before you even have a chance to speak and he instantly opens his eyes to look up at the ceiling. He could almost feel your stare through it. “Remember the first time we met?” You ask, voice soft and you grow to love how you can speak so softly and still be heard.

He humms lowly at the question, mind flashing with memories of the night. He doesn’t see anything other than the memory of your gaze meeting his for the first time at the bridge. His chest vibrates, purring almost, though his mind goes to the part of the night that caused all of this to happen. Your trembling body, covered in blood and tears, eyes wide in fear and staring right into his. “You were scared of me.” Hyunjin says.

He hears your shuffling and then your eyes on the side of his face. “You were scary…now you are not…not so much.” You mumble the last part and the hidden tone is obvious to him, so he can’t help but smile.

“I thought, I only made you nervous.” His teasing is light and you sigh softly, while looking at him.

“It’s both.” You say firstly and he at that tilts his head at you. “But not in a wrong way however.” His eyes are shining, predatory, but you do not fear them as much. It takes you back to yesterday — the loving yet rough touches, heavy breathing and sounds of pleasure, your lips and tongue coated with his blood…You don’t wait no more, the question unbearable and need to be spoken. “What did it mean to you?” What did it mean to you that you were the first that I shared my pleasure with? “Yesterday?”

He does feel the shift in you, how your chest rose and fell more in deep breaths and how your nose flared. His eyes go to your figure, your moving making the duvet slip down your body slightly, showing him the top of your chest. The nightgown, he realizes is the first one he had ever given to you and he can’t help, but let his gaze linger on your exposed shoulders. Hyunjin can still remember where he put each of his kiss and small bites. “Everything…” He whispers, your body visibly shivering from his voice and he hopes you know you are everything. You watch him, eyes brighting like he just remembered something and you found yourself to be correct at his next words. “I want to give you something.”

He sits up, hand trailing over the sheets to your naked shoulder, goosebumps immediately awaking. You let him guide you, his hand wrapping around your upper arm to push you to follow him. You sit up at that, heart racing suddenly as you watch him turn him away from you to open the nightstand beside the bed. Your eyebrows are furrowed slightly, sitting just a little straighter as he turns back to you. Your mouth falls open, eyes widening, because in his hand is a small box, opened, revealing a ring. You don’t need no light to see its beauty and you are so stunned by his gesture you only look at him in complete shock.

You think you have never seen him this nervous before — his bottom lip is caged between his teeth, looking at you from beneath his eyelashes and you don’t even realize how much your silence is killing him right now. You are just…speechless, you don’t know what to say, because you fear you don’t understand him clearly. “Are you asking me–“ No, you can’t be so stupid. His words from few days ago ring in your ears. He can’t be asking you to…

You are breathing heavily and Hyunjin’s hand holding the box almost shakes. “You mean so much to me…” His head falls to his chest, air getting stuck in his throat. “I know that it is all so quick and I wish we could have more time, more freedom, but I want to give this ring to you. I want you to wear it with my name on my mind that maybe in the future could be yours as well–“

Your hand fall on top of his, pushing at it just slightly to gain his attention. It works, looking at you so wildly you feel your lower tummy rumbling. “Put it on for me…” You say, head tilting to catch his gaze fully. He doesn’t show it, but he feels almost sick from how much this one feeling starts to creep up onto him. He pulls the ring out of the box, deep, red ruby glimmering in the moonlight as he wraps his hand around your wrist. You are shaking, fingers almost fidgeting too wildly in his hold, but it all stops the second he puts the ring slowly down your finger. The metal is cool, but it burns just the same as the fire rising in you. “It’s beautiful.” You don’t know what to say, your minor expressions talking for you as the meaning sits down on you.

It’s a perfect fit, like made for you and you are almost scared to look up from the ring to him. “You remember, when I was in the dungeons?” The question leaves you confused, but you only nod, eyes falling on his hand still around your wrist. “I was there because of this…when I was turned, I couldn’t go back to my home. I never saw my mother again, but I never left.” Your expression softens, looking up at him, but he is not looking back at you, his eyes are still set on your hand. “I send them everything — everything I stole from those innocent people, I gave my family. I felt horrible, I knew it wasn’t right to stole and this ring—“ His index finger, touches the stone slightly. “The stone in it was the last thing I gave my mother, nothing else. I remember her saying she always wanted a ruby rig and my father, like he knew it was a gift from me made it into a ring, with just a few pieces of metal, nothing more. After my mother died, my father took the ring and wore it around his neck till his last breath—“ He is shaking, hand gripping your wrist tightly and you soothed his pain by clasping your hand around his trembling one. “I couldn’t bear to look at it for a long time, because it reminded me how much time had passed — time I hadn’t spent with them. I was hiding in shadows, waiting to finally gain control over my hunger, but it was far too little time to truly overcome it. But I did kept it, hidden, but not forgotten and that day when I finally had the courage to go and get it, you appeared right in front of me…”

Your heart aches, eyes blinking away your tears at his words, but when he finally looks up at you, they pool down your cheeks. Words can’t describe how sorry you feel for him, for what those monsters and his creator did to him, so you pull him to you, just like he did to you. His head falls on your chest, ear pressing where your heart beats and he never felt more at home. Not when he and his brothers build this house together, but here in your arms. His fingers tear at your nightgown, mind slowly clearing as you caress his soft hair. Your kiss into his hair line makes him sigh, cold breath fanning over your collarbones and he presses his lips to you.

It’s a light, fatherly kiss, but he doesn’t stop at that. He puts a kiss where your heart is, trying to get closer to it more than he already is. Your fingers tangle in his hair at the quick change in him, when he more and more presses his mouth to your skin. They soon are open mouth kisses, wet and quick, like he has to cover every inch of your body. You squeeze his hand, your other tightening around his strands as he starts to breath shakily under you. His lips follow the veins under your skin, kissing and almost licking his way up your chest to your neck.

You gasp as he wraps his lips around you, sucking lightly and sighing out with you, when you tug at his hair. “I want…I want to-“ Your words are taken away from you with his hungry mouth and you at that take action.

Your inexperience is showing as your hands come to push at his chest lightly, sitting up in your spot. Your moves are shaky and not just by his doings. He looks so drunk on you and you are shocked by how much you seem to be having control over him. He waits for you, watching you closely as you slowly climb up his body. “Y/N…” Hyunjin must be dreaming, because you are looking at him so dearly, while also dripping in absolute sin.

“Is this–“ You are trying to catch your breath, but how when you are on top of him like this, how when he is looking up at you like that? “Do you want to–“

“Yes…so badly.” His hands find your waist, groaning from your words and everything that you are. Your body is so warm under his hands, pushing down at you and you at that crumble, falling onto him as he lays you down onto the bed.

Your legs part, letting him in between them as his head falls to your neck again. Your hands find his shoulders, gripping him tightly to you, head rolling back as he mouths at you again. It’s all so much for you right now, but not enough. The position he has you in is almost like a dream — a dream you once had, but this…this was unimaginable. Hyunjin doesn’t graze you with his teeth, lips and tongue lazily marking you, because he is more occupied by the feeling of your body under him.

You are delirious, looking at him as he tilts his head to catch your gaze, hands not stopping in their exploring. It is like he is trying to see if there is any hint of regret in you. His hands travel from your waist to your stomach, going up, before stopping under your breast. You push into him in reflex, flushtered by your own neediness, too blind to see it being mirrored by him. Your little permission, makes his hands shift higher, before wrapping them around you.

The moan ripping out of you is almost embarrassing as only just that makes you drip. He can feel your nipples under his palms, hands squeezing lightly at you and you suddenly at that push your hips against his. Now, he is the one groaning, his own hips pushing instantly against yours and you can’t stop yourself from grazing against him again. “Oh…Y/N. Like that, just like that-“ Your hand finds his wrist, frown of pleasure on your face as he starts to rub against you.

You can feel all of him and you shiver from the sheer length pressing to your center. Your hips shutter, not too confident in your moves, but he thankfully takes over. The first roll of his hips is hard and delicious. A whimper gets stuck in your throat, because you can already feel your underwear sticking to you, the material of his pants getting caught on your clit. Everything seem to be more clearer, more pleasurable than the night before, even if there isn’t any of his blood in your system no more. You realize that seeing his face controlling into the same amount of pleasure is just better.

A spike of insecurity strikes you, when Hyunjin suddenly sits up to kneel before you, eyes wide and glistening at you. His nose flares, taking in your scent, hands trailing over you to grip the underside of your thighs. You just realize how much you are exposed, how your nightgown doesn’t leave anything to the imagination and how it gathered around your waist. Your legs shake, closing just a little as his eyes fall right at your center and you just know he can see the growing wet spot of your arousal. You come to realize that it wasn’t something to be overly concern about, because he takes your literal breath away, when his fingers grab the meat of your thighs.

You let him lift your hips and pull you by your legs, so your bottom half is right in his lap, because the pleasure he gives you right after makes all of your insecurities melt away. Hyunjin breaths heavily just so he can smell you and you become bashful from it even if he starts to thrust his hips against yours. You bite your lip, arm falling over your eyes, but you still don’t look away from him. It’s so hot — everything. His plump lips are apart, soft noises — moans, groans and hisses leaving him as he moves harder and faster. His hair is in his face, but you can see his eyes going everywhere — from your face, to your moving breast and tummy, before they become fixated at the spot where your bodies met. You can’t lie that if he would be naked, pressing himself into you that it wouldn’t be better…but this is all you can handle right now. The pleasure, the emotions, everything is becoming too much for you. You try to be more quiet in your state, knowing that the others can hear you and it is like he knew you were thinking just that.

A breathless laugh leaves him, wide smile stretching across his face. That expression only gets you more mad as his moves are unwavering, even if lans closer to hover over your body. “Let them hear you–“ The words are whispered to you, his breath fanning over your ear, before he nips at your earlobe.

You whimper almost unwillingly, because you don’t know how to control your sounds anymore after his words. You are still quiet, but to a vampire’s ears it is enough as they probably can even hear your wetness staining you. Hyunjin hovers above you, face so close to yours you want to shove him back into your neck, because his stare is too much. His tongue pokes out of his mouth, your eyes staring at the pink muscle. The tug at your nipple is almost mean as it takes you by surprise, small pain that very quickly changes into pleasure striking you. You can see the silent question in his eyes again, when his hand finds your breast again, fingers playing with the hem of your nightgown and you only give him a look of expectation.

Hyunjin hunger is big and strong, tugging at the restrains of his sanity as he pushes your nightgown down to expose your chest. You are soft, beautiful enough to eat and he doesn’t think further, before his lips are on you again. His kisses, though they held a sense of neediness, are also becoming so desperate and he immediately takes his chance to wrap his lips around your hardened nipple. He can feel your heart drumming, blood rushing to the surface of your skin and it’s enough to tease him senselessly. Your sounds are shorter, almost like trying to catch your breath as he suck at your bud, other hand squeezing your other breast that is still covered.

You are so so soft and delicate here and he would feel sorry for ruining you like this if you wouldn’t be so responsive to his every touch. His cock is leaking, no doubt that his arousal is now mixing with yours through the thin layers of clothing. He thinks he has never felt so much pleasure in his life. It’s everything to him, but for you now it’s…too much — everything suddenly becomes too much for you to handle. The quiet, broken sound of your first sob, breaks him out of his trance, body freezing on top you. He pulls his mouth away from you, going blank as he lifts his head to look at you.

Tears are brimming in your eyes, before rolling down your hot cheeks, puffy lips apart and letting out small cries. Hyunjin hips shutter at your state and he thinks he died right there, but you don’t plea to the heavens as he slows his hips, you do the complete opposite. “Don’t stop…please don’t-“ Your voice is shaky, head titling to look at him. You hand goes to his lower back, pressing down to make him move again, but he only gazes at you in shock. “Please, Hyunjin.” Your cry mixes into a gasp as you pull him up with your hands on his face.

Your emotions are all over the place and you couldn’t hold back the sadness in you no more. It’s bittersweet as it is mixed with so much pleasure and you are thankful that he listen to your words when you look into his eyes. He understands — everything. You sigh in relief, pain and pleasure, when he puts his arms around you to hold you to his body, slowly picking up the delicious speed again.

He is hiding his face in your neck, soft whimper echoing around you as he so desperately chases yours and his pleasure so it would be the only thing left behind. “You are everything — you are my everything–“ It’s breaking your heart more. His voice is so quiet and soft you almost don’t hear him, but his hand finding yours tells you everything you need.

You lace your fingers with his, squeezing tightly, your nails digging into his alabaster skin and he lets you dig into him deeper so it would last. The small drips of his blood are ignored, when he feels your heart jumping, hips bumping against his. Your head rolls back, small sobs filling the room, when you feel yourself falling over the edge. Feeling and hearing your pleasure leads him to his own and he snaps his hips against yours hard, stilling as he cums right after you.

He doesn’t stop hugging you, even when he rides out yours and his pleasure, milking every last bits of it as he for the first time feels exhaustion taking over him. Hyunjin lets you cry, listening to your every sound, reading your every emotion without moving away from you. He caresses you, maping every dip and curve on your body, like it would be the last time he would be able do that. It won’t — he will make sure of that, but this night, he lets you express your own feelings that became so dear to him. Tomorrow won’t be your doom…it won’t be…

──────────────────────

taglist (still open);

@babrieeee @akaligogrrr @hyuninslutbbgirl @satosugu4l @lovemeorleavemetonight @dandelions-143 @skzfelixlove @syedazarintasnim @rylea08 @ahluvisyou @oddracha @annairacheyenne @dabiscrustyfeet @blankdyean @chartrucewhore @shuporangporang @palindrome969 @vv-us @reignessance @koalanacho @skz1-4-3 @hanonlymeuu @mlink64 @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @ilprofumodeifiori @amanstiles @sofiadaputa @luvehhj @stayytthenight @eastjonowhere @black-sunshine-00 @lailac13

[luvehhj]

honestly i have no words to describe how good this was

Of Birds and Worms

☀︎ nomad!hyunjin x afab local!reader ☀︎

☀︎ synopsis: A mysterious nomad enters your town in hopes of seeking shelter from the upcoming sandstorm. ☀︎ warnings: swearing, somewhat graphic violence, descriptions of a panic attack, mention of scars, forced proximity, multiple sex scenes, grinding, unprotected sex (don't), oral sex (m and f receiving), creampie, fingering, handjob, cum eating ☀︎ genre: dystopian AU, fluff, angst, smut ☀︎ wc: 11.5k ☀︎ a/n: giant has been on my mind a lot and... here we are! [partly also inspired by horizon zero dawn where the pic in the middle is from!] please let me know what you think, i'd really love to hear it as this is a bigger fic and i'd love some feedback so i can improve! <3 happy reading! 🧡 masterlist divider by @firefly-graphics

Due to the harsh weather conditions there are only two ways of surviving nowadays: either you grow nomadic and are always on the move, desperate to try and get away from the regions where each year the conditions grow worse and risk running into monsters, or you settle down amongst other people and try your best to build a home that can withstand even the harshest sandstorms.

Hyunjin was of the former people, always travelling, always on the run from something. He learned how to deal with monsters, icy cold and burning hot temperatures ever since he was brought upon this unfortunate earth that seems to be fighting itself with everything it has.

The family he grew up in called themselves nomads, yet they weren’t entirely focused on mere survival. Some of them were geniuses that could make sense of the remnants of the Old World they came across. So it became normal for him to travel from ruin to ruin, seeing if he could salvage anything that still had some use in his eyes.

As he grew older, they allowed him to dabble in experimenting with some of the gadgets as well, learning he too had an affinity for it.

Nomadic people usually didn’t stick together for too long or stopped along the way when the group became too big.

This was the reason why, once he was old enough, his family passed him off into the wilds, confident that he could survive on his own and maybe create his own family in the future, continuing the cycle.

Predicting that the sandstorm would ravage these lands within the next few weeks, he had enough time to either make his way to the nearby settlement he had heard about or seek out a somewhat safe place out in the wilds that he could camp at.

He sighs, these sandstorms were a pain in the ass, sand would get everywhere and if you’re caught in the middle of it without proper preparation, it could tear you apart, the little sand particles suddenly as sharp as cut glass. Even worse when they lasted several days.

Seeing as he is already close enough to the next settlement, his goal was to hurry on over and hope that they were friendly towards nomads.

When he crosses the first gate of the town, heavy boots whirling up the settled sand, he gets largely ignored, everyone pretending to be busy with one thing or another. That’s the mildest reaction he could have hoped for.

Dealing with nomads was considered to be unpredictable, some extremely friendly, just travelling through and looking for some company and places to stock up on in exchange for odd jobs, some extremely aggressive and dangerous, seeing the people who settled in one place as ‘weaklings’ and trying each and every way to take advantage of that.

Hyunjin was of the former, never wanting to hurt anyone, yet he didn’t look the part. To protect from the wasteland, his attire was entirely heavy. A big jacket snug around his body, several ropes holding his clothing and everything he carried with him in place. His heavy boots over a thick pair of pants, again secured with ropes and chains. Not a sliver of skin to be seen, hands covered in gloves, neck covered in a scarf, face and head covered by a mask, a big pair of goggles and a hood, entirely obscuring him.

Hyunjin doesn’t mind the lack of attention as he’s already more than used to the disdain nomads are faced with if they weren’t accompanied with one of the townspeople, indicating that they were trusted. Instead, he busies himself in seeking out a person who might be kind enough to offer a place in their home for one or more nights.

The town is a simple one, the houses built out of solid stone to withstand the weather conditions, the windows made to be airtight and easily sealed shut. Most of the colors are found in the vibrant cloths and decorations scattered across the outer walls of the houses, making this place seem a lot more lively. If there’s not a house or a shop, there’s a dirt road or plenty of colorful plants to be found that Hyunjin appreciates a lot.

He's had enough of dead places for a while.

As he stands in what he assumes is the village center, he notices someone watching him out of his periphery. He slowly cocks his head in their direction, as if challenging them in case they want to start trouble, some people too eager to throw nomads out with force.

He has the weapons and skills to take the entire town out if need be.

Hyunjin hopes it doesn’t come to that.

You’ve lived your entire life as one of the few people in this world who chose to stay in one place. The town you grew up in is just a speck of dust in the world, right in the desert wasteland surrounded by sandstorms in the summer and hail and snow storms in the winter. Not only do you have to endure these extreme conditions, but also the monsters borne from whatever took out the previous civilisation.

Giant sandworms, boars the sizes of a human, bats that can easily grip and carry two people at once.

There were certain people in your town that were raised to be warriors to protect everyone else valiantly. You weren’t one of them.

No, you were simply someone who regularly cooked for whenever the people going on hunts needed energy beforehand, or someone who helped maintain the weaponry, fixing little gadgets and other craftsmanship.

Since there was always something that needed a little repair, be it a spear, a sword or simply clothes that needed mending, you were plenty busy in your life.

Today was no different. You were on your way to drop off some of the daggers you repaired last night when you saw a stranger standing in the townsquare. He was covered from head to toe in heavy cloths and fabrics, surely carrying his own fair share of weapons with him. It was immediately clear to you who this person was: a nomad, an outsider.

You stopped dead in your tracks and observed him, trying to gauge whether he was one of the good ones or one of the bad ones. Usually, you only got the good ones around these parts, they stop for a day, experience some hospitality and go on their way rather quickly. In your lifetime, there had been only a handful of… incidents with the bad kind. Some of these incidents ended with death.

You didn’t like thinking about it.

When you noticed him looking at you, at least you think he did, it was kind of hard to tell with his entire face being covered, you smiled and waved at him. There was no immediate reaction from him, he simply continued staring at you.

You almost just continued going your way, when he slowly made his way over to you, the chains on his body audibly clinking together as he moves.

He towered above you when he stops just one or two steps away from you, menacingly staring you down. You could guess what he was in search of. Some nomads didn’t really talk, some couldn’t, some refused, so you were used to taking a guess.

“Are you looking for a place to stay to wait out the sandstorm?” – you smile up at him.

He nods and you nod right back at him wisely. Nomads usually take on a number of odd jobs to pay their hosts back for their hospitality, things that they couldn’t do on their own or needed help with. Might as well start taking advantage of that now.

“I can ready a bed for you in my home. Help me carry these daggers to the weapon’s dealer!” – you uncerimoniously dump the cloth full of daggers into his arms, which he takes ahold of bewildered at your sudden enthusiasm.

You skip your way over to the forge, the nomad following you obediently. He still hasn’t said anything, so you figure he must be one of the silent ones.

“You can put them all on that table over there, Nomad” – you tell him and approach Bahari, the local smithy, for your payment. Bahari is quite the delicate man, that you could easily mistake as a weaver if not for his weathered hands. Nobody really knows where all his strength to wield the hammer comes from but nobody has ever questioned it, glad to have someone as knowledgeable about weapon and armormaking as him in town.

Bahari already sits there with a gentle smile, holding out a small bag that you know is full of rare spices.

“Thank you for your help, y/n. I really appreciate it” – he doesn’t acknowledge your silent follower with more than a simple glance.

“If there’s any more weapons that need quick repairs, you know where to find me! For the right price, of course!” – you grin at him and he shakes his head fondly.

“I’ll let you know, little bird. Now, off you go, I’m sure you’ll be plenty busy for the rest of the day” – Bahari nods at the nomad before turning back to his plans, already sketching up a new weapon design that you’re sure will be of great help for the warriors and hunters.

As you exit the building, you stop dead in your tracks in the middle of the road, the nomad running into your back.

“I totally forgot to ask you! Are you hungry?” – you spin around to take him in, in case he wanted to give you a sign of affirmation. His hands come up to play with the fabric of his jacket, seemingly unsure of how to answer your inquiry.

“It’s okay if you are. I’ll be your host for as long as you want to stay, my food is your food, don’t worry about taking too much!”

That seems to clear some of his worries and his hooded head tips forward in a nod.

You clap your hands together, happy that he was honest with you and drag him to the canteen. Usually, you would offer to cook for him but you only have enough ingredients left for dinner and breakfast tomorrow. The canteen was almost as good as your cooking, so it would be fine.

Since the nomad didn’t seem to have any preference, you order the regular stew for the two of you.

You can’t help but stare at him, curious to see if he was going to take at least his mask off to eat and if he did, what the lower part of his face looked like. Some nomads had very prominent scars all over their body or just very noticeable ones in certain spots. Then there are those men with impressive beards but you doubt he could contain one of those under the mask he chose to wear.

The nomad takes notice to your very badly conceiled staring. He keeps his head angled towards you when his hands come up to get rid of the protective mask, revealing a smug smile gracing a pair of plush lips that you didn’t expect. A small but noticeable scar ran over the side of his lips horizontally. From what you could see of his face, he seemed handsome, the only thing left obscuring him was that big pair of goggles and the hood over his head.

You’re sure his eyes are just as pretty as his nose and lips.

“Well, enjoy your food!”

After the first bite of the stew, the nomad let out a simple but adorable ‘mmh!’, that made you happier than it probably should have.

You were going to be sad when he inevitably left to continue his travels.

-

Now in your home, you showed him where he was allowed to stay and sleep and where he could put all of his gear and baggage. He unloaded quite a bit, several jackets coming off, revealing his toned arms, which continued to tell his life’s story in form of scars and blemishes, small and big, dancing across his flesh.

He survived a lot and for that, you admired him a little, as sheltered as you were.

The hood of his jacket now off, dark brown hair kept together in a small ponytail framed his face. He kept the goggles and mask on.

“I don’t do a lot except cook and do maintenance on stuff that needs it, so I can’t really offer you many jobs to do around here. You could help someone who really needs it instead of me and I’ll take that as my payment, hm?” – he doesn’t even give you as much as a hum so you turn to look at him after stowing away your precious spices only to find him staring at an empty frame in your living room.

The frame was a beautifully crafted wooden one, with intricate designs on the exterior while holding two hooks in the middle of it, clearly meant to hold up some artefact that was missing. The nomad silently cocked his head in your direction.

“It’s nothing, please just leave it alone” – you sighed and he relented easily, making his way over to where he was going to live for the remainder of his stay and arranging his room the way he wanted to.

You left him to his own devices, rather spending your time getting dinner started and shooing away the lingering thoughts of the empty frame.

-

Dinnertime is equally as silent, the nomad still choosing to stay quiet, save for the occasional sound of approval towards your food. You were itching to put a name towards the man in front of you but it wasn’t customary to get all buddy-buddy with a traveling nomad, for their safety and for your own, in case they were followed by less than savoury individuals.

He still hadn’t forgone the goggles, them still sitting securely on his face. You began to think maybe something was wrong with his eyes, maybe he had bad scarring and didn’t want to show it to any stranger. Or maybe he simply didn’t want you to see his entire face. The latter makes you sadder than the former.

He politely helps you clean and put away the dishes before heading towards your bathroom to clean up.

As he showers you just kind of dumbly sit in your living room, unsure of what to do. It isn’t the first time you invited a nomad to live alongside you but the last few times they either talked your ear off or were gone the next morning before you could even say goodbye. If he wanted to stay until the sandstorm was over, then there was a possibility you’d end up spending at least one or two weeks with him, if not longer.

He walks out in the same gear he was wearing previously, hair damp, goggles still on.

“Uhm, tomorrow I have to help in the canteen but feel free to look around town and see if anyone can offer you something” – you decide to speak up as he trudges past you.

He simply nods but stops in the doorframe to his designated room.

“I’ll help you” – he says and closes the door behind him.

A few simple words that make you feel like exploding on the spot of happiness. He talked to you! You have to hold yourself back from giggling like a child and disappear into your own room for the night, giddy that he seems to be warming up to you.

Sleep doesn’t come as easily to you as it usually does. You toss and turn in your bed, heart still thumping excitedly against your ribcage at the simple interaction.

A few days go by with the nomad simply helping you in your normal chores, which you appreciate a lot. Extra hands are always nice. You are kind of disappointed that he kept conversation to a minimum and had yet to take off his goggles in front of you. At the same time, you don’t really understand why this nomad felt so different to you than the previous ones, why you wanted him in particular to let down his guard and relax in your home fully.

The dynamic between the two of you shifted one evening.

You were sitting on your couch fiddling around with some gadget that the town elder brought to you to figure out, the nomad sitting on the other end of it fixing a hole in one of his clothes. No matter what you did, the little device wouldn’t turn on, not even a flicker of light indicating that it even had the energy left to do so.

Frustrated you tossed the device on your coffee table, mad that the inanimate object would disobey you like that.

“It’s a device that gets energy from the sun.”

Your head snapped over to the nomad who had a soft smile on his lips as he looked at you from the side. Probably looking like a fish, your mouth opened and closed a few times, not entirely sure what you wanted to say to him first.

He saw you struggle for like twenty minutes and only chose to say something after you gave up? Did he know the entire time or did he figure it out alongside you?

And in a more dramatic manner, why was he being mean to you?

“You… you knew?” – you couldn’t help but squint your eyes at him in a playful manner.

His soft smile widened.

“It was funnier to watch you almost throw the thing against the wall.”

“Oh, you are so sleeping outside when the sandstorm comes. Consequences of being mean to me” – you huffed and crossed your arms, refusing to look at him, although you couldn’t stop the amused grin from spreading on your face.

For the first time ever since the nomad came into your little, insignificant town, he laughed. Cackled, even. And it was the most wonderful laugh you had ever heard. It was goofy and it didn’t fit to the mysterious and threatening figure that always followed you through the streets with heavy boots thumping against the ground, chains swinging and clinking as if he was Death itself announcing his arrival.

Even if he was just that and it inevitably led to you being dragged to your own demise, you never wanted him to stop laughing like he did in this moment.

He got up from the sofa, still slightly giggling and took the device into his hands to put it on your windowsill angled towards the sun.

“Come watch” – he said and urged you to stand beside him by waving his hand towards him.

You hurried on over, eager to see what the little gadget was capable of.

At first, nothing happened and you started to fear it really was broken. Or that the nomad simply wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. But then the outer panels started peeling back, a little figurine emerging from its core. A melody started playing and the little figurine started its delicate mechanical dance along the upper panels.

“It’s a music box. The people of the past used this as partly an art form and partly to immortalise certain musical pieces in miniature form. Or they just found it cute, I’m unsure” – he explained as the two of you watched the small dancer go through their routine.

When the song came to its end and the dancer retreated back into their casing, your home was eerily silent. You gingerly took the gadget back into your hands and cradled it against your chest, unsure of how to proceed, suddenly too aware of the proximity between you and the nomad.

“Hyunjin” – he suddenly said and you jolted, your shoulder slightly making contact with his.

“Huh?”

“That’s my name.”

You looked at him like he had just given you the secret to stopping all the catastrophes and monster attacks happening to your town and not just his name. Yet in that moment, it felt like it had the same weight.

“y/n” – you answered, slightly choked up and quickly cleared your throat before it became all too obvious that him telling you his name almost made you cry.

“I know, ‘little bird’” – he tapped your nose with his index finger before retreating back to your living room couch as if he didn’t just flip your entire world upside down with one simple gesture and one simple word.

You were in deep already.

“Hey, bitch, watch where you’re going!”

Another nomad that seemingly wanted to weather out the sandstorm in your little town bumped quite violently into you as you took care of some delivery requests. He was towering over you, face contorted in anger as if you had personally insulted him.

You quickly tried to gather the delivery items you had dropped, not wanting to linger in the middle of the townsquare with all these people staring at your mess.

“Are you deaf? At least apologise to me! Because of my people, you can live here while sitting on your asses all day long, the least you can do is respect me!” – you’re unsure what exactly you did that ticked him off so much but his hand fisted itself into the fabric of your collar, yanking you up to stand upright in front of him.

“S-sorry” – there was no use arguing against these people, the best thing you could do was obey their demands and hope they would leave you alone after hearing what they wanted to hear from you. The last time you tried to stand up against an arrogant nomad didn’t go all too well for you and you weren’t eager to experience a repeat of that.

His other hand that was just uselessly hanging off to the side came up to grab your arm so hard, you were sure it was going to leave a nasty bruise.

“Look me in the eye and say that shit again and actually mean it this time.”

Your eyes flickered towards his and the sheer hatred and arrogancy in them intimidated you more than you cared to admit. If you weren’t careful, this could end in a bloodbath.

You opened your mouth to tell her what he wanted but the familiar clinking of chains in the distance made you hesitate. Did you really want him to see you in this pathetic state? The feelings that started to blossom in your chest ever since he lowered some of his walls around him made you want to impress him, even if it was the stupidest decision to make in that moment.

“Fuck you, you bumped into me” – you spat in his face while squirming to get out of his hold.

He did let you go, only to crack his fist across your face, causing you to stumble and fall back onto the dusty ground. The commotion around you grew in volume, the onlookers whispering amongst each other at the spectacle unfolding in front of them, nobody brave enough to step in.

When your head finally stopped ringing and your vision cleared, you understood however that they weren’t whispering about your embarassing attempt to rise up to a bully, but about the two nomads going at each other’s throats. And you knew one of them.

The reality started to settle in your chest, that that was what Hyunjin was, after all. A nomad. Partly known for their violence and aggressiveness that was needed to survive out in the wilderness. Maybe he had fooled you the past few days with his soft and silent demeanor and he just needed the perfect excuse to let the mask fall.

Whoever was continously beating on the person below them wasn’t the Hyunjin you had gotten to know. His mouth was deformed to a snarl, loud grunts coming from him as he blocked the other nomad’s futile attempts at fighting back against him, his knuckles already bloodied. All you could do was watch in horror as his fist kept colliding with the nomad’s face, his arms scrambling to get Hyunjin off himself by yanking at his clothes, scratching at his arms.

He did get one or two punches in but Hyunjin decided to end it, drawing his dagger out of its sheath and holding it threateningly close to the nomad’s throat.

“You lost. This is my territory for now” – he only knicked him with the top of his blade, drawing one last drop of blood as if emphasizing his claim, before getting off of him. He scrambled to gather his things, face swollen and with a limp he hurried to break through the crowd that was forming around you, trying to get away as fast as possible.

As Hyunjin cautiously took a few steps towards you, hands hanging limply by his side, you couldn’t stop your instincts from kicking in. Your legs bracing themselves against the ground as you pushed yourself away from him, fear taking over your body.

He stopped his approach immediately, his mouth twitching fleetingly in a pained expression. All he wanted to do was protect you and now you were trying to flee from him, eyes big and scared. An expression that he never wanted to see on your face. Especially not caused by him.

Something in his chest constricted when you got back up on wobbly legs, weary eyes still fixated on him, watching him for any sudden movements that might indicate he would strike you down as well. The whispers from the onlookers grew louder, now that the danger had passed and the only threat to them was a lone nomad too busy processing the fact he might have destroyed the bond he was slowly building with a person who made him softer than the world allowed him to be.

The voices in his head were screaming at him. Telling him to leave, to run until his legs couldn’t carry him anymore; stop the eyes roaming over his body; stop the hateful eyes roaming over his body; stop the fearful eyes roaming over his body; stop the whispers; stop the pounding in his chest; take the dagger and point it at her; take the dagger and point it at yourself; cut it away; protect her; protect yourself; get rid of everyone else-

The feeling of a gentle hand on his bicep and the soft whisper of ‘let’s leave’ silenced the voices. His breathing had grown erratic, chest heaving with every shallow breath he took. His lungs burning and eyes watering.

Back at the place he started calling home, Hyunjin retreated into his room quietly but quickly, not daring himself to look his companion in the eyes.

That left you standing there alone.

Your jaw still hurt from where the nomad had hit you, so in an attempt to escape the reality of having to confront the possible danger living with you under one roof, you busied yourself with applying some soothing ointment to your face.

But was he a possible danger? If he wanted to hurt you or take your things, he could have already done that easily. You trusted him easily, let him into your home without much hassle, he could have taken advantage of your momentary kindness.

Yet he didn’t.

Instead, he chose to spend his time by your side helping you with your daily chores, carried the heavy items despite your protests, listened to you yap about things nobody had ever willingly listened to. Taking the other day into consideration, too, where, despite him being a nomad, he teased you jokingly about your inability to figure out a simple device and stood beside you radiating nothing but calm and softness as you two gazed upon the dancer elegantly moving to a gentle tone.

The world outside of the fences is a horrible one, as everyone in the town would say. It deforms you and forces you to become a wild beast yourself in order to survive. That’s why nomads were the way that they were. Fighting not only against monsters but also amongst themselves.

The strongest survived and the weak were culled.

You should have known that Hyunjin wasn’t going to be all sunshine and that he was capable of more. But seeing him hunched over that man, wild snarl on his face as his bloodied and bruised knuckles continuously hit him while he had little chance of fighting back, solidified that reality within your heart.

When he drew that dagger, a small part in your mind feared that he would actually kill her. Just like that. In the middle of the town with countless people around him.

Maybe he would have if they were out in the wilds.

Yet he stopped approaching you when you were clearly afraid of him. He began to tremble, his breath quickened and it seemed like he was on the verge of a panic attack. You didn’t know from what, maybe the realisation of what he had done, maybe the adrenaline wearing off after the bloodrush.

Your hand seemed to soothe him and break him out of whatever he was facing. It was confusing you.

You sighed and shook your head. He hadn’t hurt you yet.

Before you could overthink your actions, you stood in front of his door, rapping your knuckles against the wood.

The door opened just a little bit, far enough for one goggle to peek out. Suddenly, he reminded you far more of a scared and timid animal more than he did the big and scary nomad you were afraid of just a couple of minutes ago.

You cleared your throat.

“Are your knuckles okay?”

“What?”

“Your knuckles. I don’t imagine they’re fine after…that.”

He was silent after that, seemingly fighting with himself over how to proceed. The door creaked open after a while, inviting you in. You surprised him once more by firmly taking his wrist between your fingers and dragging him to your bathroom where you pushed him onto the toilet seat.

“Don’t move.”

The light reflected off his goggles as he watched you kneel down and carefully take one of his bloodied and bruised hands into your soft and unsoiled ones. His eyes, unbeknownst to you, were trained on your face for the entire duration of you cleaning and disinfecting his wounds.

The bruise forming on your jaw made anger bubble up inside him again. If he had been faster, he could have gotten between the two of you quicker and avoided getting you hurt. He wasn’t used to looking out for another person other than himself.

“You were dumb for speaking up against him” – Hyunjin’s voice came out rougher than he intended and he cursed himself internally as the words sharply cut into you. His hand twitched in yours, thoughts of fleeing your warmth to protect you from him in the forefront of his mind.

“Oh yeah? Should I have bowed down and offered him the shirt off my back so he leaves me alone?” – you spit back just as harshly.

“He could have killed you.”

“Like you almost did with him?” – you finally met his gaze, even more agitated that you couldn’t even properly look him in the eyes, your fingers itching to just rip the glasses off of him in retaliation to his words cutting you deeper than you could handle.

“I wouldn’t have. Not here, anyway” – his voice grew quieter now that you were looking at him.

“Would you have if you weren’t in this town?”

“Yeah.”

You furrowed your brows, squeezing his hand a bit harder than you needed to, the pad of your thumb accidentally pressing directly into a sore spot, yet eliciting no reaction from Hyunjin.

“Him grabbing your arm like that… It made me angry. I’ve never wanted to protect someone else. I’m sorry, I’m bad at communicating, I don’t know how many years it’s been since I’ve spent so many days with another person” – he started to ramble as you resumed to desinfect his other hand.

“Nomads sometimes fight over safe places to sleep, food. Sometimes you get attacked because someone deemed a path ‘theirs’ and not yours to walk.”

He’s silent for a few heartbeats, pondering over how best to phrase the next thing he wanted to tell you. You finished bandaging him but kept staring at his large hand in yours. A fleeting thought of kissing his bandaged knuckles passes by.

“I guess I felt possessive.”

That makes you look up at him. His lips were reddened and raw, he must have been biting them nervously, tongue gliding over them to soothe the pain. You wondered what they felt like. The constant back and forth between wanting to put as much distance as you could and wanting to get as close to him as you humanly could made your head ache.

“Over me?” – you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He hummed.

“But not in a… in a way I would feel possessive over food. No, not like that.”

“I know what you mean, Hyunjin.”

Hearing his name from your lips in such a gentle tone made him shut up again. He swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat unknowingly.

Your hands were still connected on his lap, neither of you moving to remove them. You could still feel him tremble slightly against you, despite his stoic demeanor and steady voice.

For a moment, the world outside of your small bathroom didn’t matter anymore, as you sat cramped together with him, just holding eachother’s hands in silence.

The temporary rift between you two would mend itself, you were sure of it.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder what used to be in the empty frame in your living room. It clearly was a sore point for you since you avoid any and all mention of it and whenever he alluded to it, you changed the subject as fast as you could. Although the sandstorm would be in a few days, he wanted to alleviate your pain before he left this town behind again.

Sometimes, when the two of you sit together to eat dinner, a layer of sadness seemed to be cast over you, the quiet allowing all the loud thoughts to rise up to the surface and plague your mind. Your usually long-winded answers cut short to the bare minimum, your smile contorted to a strained one. There seemed to be something hidden beneath that cheery exterior.

When you’re busy in your room tinkering with some gadgets that were loaded off at your house this morning, Hyunjin took the opportunity to further inspect the frame in its fullness. The little hooks look like they’re specifically tailored to hold up a weapon and there’s a small indent in the frame where said weapon could lean against to avoid falling out.

“A hunting knife…” – he whispered to himself as he put the puzzle pieces together. That knife must mean something to you if you went through all this trouble to have something handmade just to display it.

“It belonged to my grandmother, she handcrafted it when she was younger and used it until she passed. Then it belonged to my mother, who took care of it until she decided to run away with a nomad. And then… it belonged to me, until I got fucked over by one of the nomads who think they’re better than us. Tossed it to a sandworm and that was it.”

Your usual bubbly exterior was gone for the moment as you stood on the stairs behind him, a bitter expression finding its place to your face, a rage Hyunjin had never before seen coursing through your entire body, making your hands tremble. Hyunjin lowered his head in a silent apology at his prying yet you waved his apology away with a swift hand.

“It’s whatever. I’m not getting it back, I should probably get rid of the frame anyways.”

“When did that happen?” – Hyunjin dared to ask cautiously. It was a wonder that you still let him live with you after what had transpired the other day and he didn’t want to throw away the second chance you had so graciously given him. His desire to stay close to you growing steadily.

“A month or two ago, I don’t really remember the exact day” – you sighed as you carefully took the frame off the wall.

Suddenly, Hyunjin clapped his hands together loudly before running off to his room, leaving you to stand there baffled by his sudden exit. Leaving him to do whatever he needed to do, you gave a last kiss to the frame before putting it away in your storage.

When you came back out, Hyunjin stood there, half clad in his gear while the rest of it lay scattered around him.

“Hyunjin?”

“The biggest sandworms, all those who would have survived swallowing a knife the size of yours, have extremely slow digestion.” – he excitedly explained as he pushed some of his desert gear into your arms before going back to securing all his ropes and jackets to his body.

“That means, if we find the one that ate it, we can just… cut it out and it’ll be as good as new! Sandworms are similar to your people, they don’t really move away from their birthplaces, so it probably still lives around here.”

You shook your head erratically, your hand coming up to rest on his bicep.

“Hyunjin, I… I’ve never left this town, I can’t go and hunt a sandworm!?”

Both of his hands now came up to grip your shoulders tightly while he grinned that brilliant smile at you that you dearly missed.

“You’re not gonna hunt a sandworm, birdie! I will! You’re just gonna point it out to me! And I assure you we’ll be back before the sandstorm hits.”

You gaped at him and even though you were still somewhat in refusal of this sudden quest, somehow he got you into all of that desert gear regardless.

He was insane. All nomads were insane. How could he suggest hunting a sandworm with a smile like that?

Maybe you were insane for letting him simply drag you outside of the village after stocking up on provisions and telling the most important people you were going to be out for a day or two, too.

“Hyunjin, I’m going to die.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“No, I really think this is the end for me.”

Hyunjin sighed loudly at your whining, his boots coming to a stop in the scorching hot sand. He took a look around, finding nothing but the vast desert around the two of you, save for a few rock formations. He knows if you pull through, you could get to an oasis before the end of the day and camp there.

“Are you sure you can’t continue?”

As he looked over to your slouched form, hands braced on your knees and gasping for air, he felt bad for pushing you so far. It was easy to forget that not everyone could match his pace, too long has it been since he traveled with someone by his side.

“Put on my backpack” – he slung the bag off his back and offered it to you and you glared at him.

“I just said I’m dying and now you want me to carry your shit?”

Maybe this really was a bad idea. You were going to die in the desert and Hyunjin was going to have to bury you out here. All because of that damn knife.

Yes, it may have been in family possession for many years but the attachment was never to your family, to the knife itself but rather an attachment toward everything staying the same around you. Change like a knife your mother had always told you to take extra care of disappearing from your life rattled you.

And it seemed so silly now.

You could have been spending this time mending the rift with Hyunjin in the safety of your own home. A home you had never left because of several reasons. Not dying to a sandworm being one of them.

And now he was mad at you for being so unathletic, slowing him down on this trek where it seemed like it was his life’s calling to be in the wilderness. He was going to hate you, think you were weak and not want to speak to you anymore after you were done here. With the frustration growing in your body, tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

“I can’t carry you with my backpack on, so we’re going to have to find a temporary solution. You’ll carry my backpack, I’ll carry you” – he softly said and one of his gloved hands came up to wipe away some of the tears that did spill over.

With you secured safely on his back, Hyunjin impressively kept his pace towards his destination without too much trouble despite the added weight on his back.

“Sorry about all this” – you whispered beside his head and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

“I wouldn’t have suggested it, if I didn’t want to do it. Now, be quiet.”

And he carries you the entire way without any complaint, as if you were always part of his travels.

-

The two of you arrive at a small oasis in the middle of nowhere where he sets both you and his camping equipment down. While you busy yourself with getting the tent set up, Hyunjin stretches and groans loudly as his back lets out a few cracks.

As soon as the tent stands, you hurry inside it, neither of you wanting to stay in the cold outside any longer. You sit there awkwardly, your thighs and shoulders touching due to the tent being meant for one person only. Hyunjin doesn’t seem to mind, or at least he doesn’t show it, rummaging around in his backpack for the food you brought.

Dinnertime again starts out as silently as always before you gather you courage to ask him a couple of question that were threatening to drive you insane.

“Why are you doing all this for me?” – you ask, voice small and quiet in the silence of the tent.

Hyunjin hums around his food at first, seemingly thinking over how he could phrase his answer.

“Because I want to.”

“That can’t be all of it. If you think I can pay you with riches and gold, I think you chose the wrong person to stay with” – you say half as a joke but it still stings in your chest to voice that thought out loud. That all of this was purely for his gain.

“Why do you help in the canteen? Or help Bahari with the weapon maintenance? Aside from the spices, we both know you don’t really need those” – Hyunjin puts his food away to turn his entire attention towards you, the glasses of his goggles softly reflecting the low light of your lamp.

“I’ve found my food makes people happy… and Bahari always has so much work, I just want to help him out. What does that have to do with you?”

He smiles again and touches your cheek gently.

“Well, little bird, why do you think I’m helping you?” – his voice is low, the small smile on his plush lips growing into something more playful, dangerous.

You want to answer him but find yourself at a loss for words. The distance between you two is practically zero. He’s so close and you think you might die for real in a few seconds if he keeps this up.

“I told you, I’ve felt possessive over you. I’ve grown to like you quite a lot over the past week” – he begins and suddenly he seems to be even closer. Is he leaning closer?

“If finding this knife brings some peace and happiness back to your life, then I’ll gladly find that stupid sandworm and get it back.”

The air between you two shifted. A hand of his laid gently atop your thigh just above your knee in fear that anything higher would scare you off. The skin he touched tingled like you were electrified.

He hummed, suddenly confident that something else had to come first if he wanted to close the gap between you two further, the sudden absence of his hand causing the skin he touched to be exposed to the cold again.

Yet your breath became stuck in your throat when you realised what he was doing when his hands came up to his face, taking ahold of the goggles that had been in your way since the very first day.

The seconds he took to glide the goggles off his head were the longest in your life but all the more worth it once you finally could take his entire face in. The goggles had left little imprints on his cheekbones and around his eyes. Meanwhile, his eyes were sharp but kinder than you expected, the final puzzle piece of his face clicking into place.

The corner of his right eye was blemished, a nasty scar eating away at the side of his face yet it didn’t take away from his beauty. You don’t think anything could make him less pretty.

“I don’t think anyone’s seen my face in… I don’t know actually” – he said a little breathless, a nervous chuckle escaping his throat.

“You’re really pretty, Hyunjin” – and he knows you mean it with the way your eyes sparkle in the dim light as you look at him in awe.

And here in the same dim light you see the exhaustion in his eyes that the nomad lifestyle in this age brings with it, constantly on the run, entirely alone for most of you life, yet as free as the birds that fly in the sky. You briefly wonder what sights these eyes have already seen in their life.

He smiles at your words and now that you can see his entire face light up, you find his smile even more stunning. His eyes crinkle up as he smiles and it might become your new favorite part of him.

With his heart thumping steadily against his chest, Hyunjin felt like taking another risk, now that he was already here, bearing his most vulnerable parts to you. Something he had never expected he would ever do again to anyone in this lifetime though he had always wished it would happen.

His hand finds its way onto your thigh again and this time he leans closer to you more noticeably.

“Can I kiss you, y/n?”

You don’t think, you can’t even think, your mind too jumbled to form a coherent sentence, so you dumbly nod at him.

In an eagerness you hadn’t seen from him before, a man usually so calculated and precise in his movements, his lips crashed into yours, your teeth somewhat painfully clacking together but neither of you care.

Effortlessly, he began to crowd your space, coming ever so close to your body, almost seating himself in your lap. Feeling a little mean, your hands found the back of his thighs and you pulled him into your lap properly, his legs now on either side of you.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, momentarily disconnecting your lips to chuckle into the quiet air of the tent. You had to giggle yourself.

Not everyone could say they had a scary nomad sitting on their lap like this. Yet here you were, your heart currently on cloud nine as his giggles filled your ears. And even though you could listen to him for hours, right now, you wanted his lips back on yours more than anything else.

So you tilted his head back towards you with your fingertips and your lips found eachother again.

His hands were everywhere, yet his touches were softly unsure. They glided up your arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake before settling against your neck and jaw.

Both of your touches grew more eager, your kiss deepening, tongues sliding against each other, hands slipping under clothes. Your fingertips bumped against the ridges of his scars, finding he had more of them on his torso.

Your mind was filled with him, him and him. His soft groans, his movements against you, his scent, his warmth. You couldn’t get enough of him.

The chill of the desert night meant nothing when the air in the tent felt like it kept heating up as garments were shed. Hands roaming over stomachs and chests, fingers catching on nipples, noises muffled by eachother’s lips.

Hyunjin eventually found himself pushed back into the haphazardly thrown together bed, his back supported by the few pillows that you allowed yourselves to bring. He was a sight to behold. A beauty you had never before assigned to another person before. Despite his body seeming all sharp lines, there was a softness to his edges. Moles scattered around his skin that seemed like they were placed deliberately and with care and so much love you felt the need to kiss and worship every single one of them.

The ragged lines of scars here and there, small and big, some faded to a dusty pink, others still dark and noticeable. Hyunjin felt shy under your gaze despite there not being a reason to, so he was glad when you seemed to be broken out of your stupor and continued to let your fingers wander under the waistband of his boxers, a prominent bulge already straining against the fabric.

His thighs twitched when his erection was finally freed from its confines, slapping lightly against his stomach. Hyunjin looked irresistible like this, laid back on his elbows, eyebrows furrowed in need. In the mood to tease and to indulge your own desires a bit, you leaned over him to leave open-mouthed kisses down his neck, giving special attention to every mole that you came across.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin started growing restless beneath you, hips bucking into nothing in a desperate attempt to gain some friction, yet he wouldn’t even begin to think about begging, wanting just as much as you to prolong this night, not knowing what was going to happen the next day.

He was red and sensitive beneath you. A small, sticky pool of precum had already formed on his stomach. You placed your lips softly against his head, eliciting another debauched sound from him. He could cry from you finally paying attention to his painfully hard length. You chuckled at his reaction, granting him another soft kiss.

Hyunjin’s fingers tangled themselves into your hair as your lips finally wrapped around him. Your hands massaged his twitching inner thighs before settling at the base of his cock, squeezing it rhythmically and taking more of him into your mouth.

“You’re being so good to me, little bird” – Hyunjin’s voice was raspier than usual. His fingernails scratched against your scalp and the slight tension he held on your hair make you whimper against his length. It was a nice surprise that Hyunjin was so beautifully vocal. Pretty noises were escaping his throat at the feeling of your wet mouth around him.

Despite his hold on you, he made no moves to force you down or guide you, simply keeping his hand in your hair. His abs tensed and the coil building in stomach wound tighter and tighter with every time your tongue swirled around his head.

Before he could lose himself completely in the pleasure, he gently pried you off of him, a layer of sweat already covering his body. He lovingly guided you to lay you down in his place.

“Nomads usually return their host’s kindness” – he said, voice far unsteadier than he intended and it made you giggle. His lips connected to the junction of your neck to bite and suck his way down to the apex of your legs.

Your thighs were already coated in your own slick when Hyunjin delved between them, tongue greedily lapping up your juices. He couldn’t get enough of you, your arching back seemingly laying you across his brain as his thoughts were reduced to you, you and you, your presence disallowing any other thoughts from invading his mind.

His lips wrapped around your clit and suckled, his eyes fluttering shut. He had to stop himself from grinding against the blankets below him, not wanting to risk falling apart before he had you fully.

“You taste so good” – his voice sent vibrations right through you.

You were in total bliss, your lips raw and red from your teeth. A finger slipped inside you and it soon became two, preparing you to take him later.

“Hyunjin…” – you begged; you weren’t sure what you were begging for but Hyunjin seemingly understood your incoherent babbling better than you did, his form coming up from between your thighs, slick still coating his lips and chin.

The temporary loss of contact made you both whine, Hyunjin crawling above you, the front of his thighs knocking against yours in his hurried movements to get closer to you again. Your fingertips brushed his ribs as he kissed you, spit mixing with your own essence.

Desperate, so desperate were your movements. Keep him close, closer screamed your brain at you, your arms circling around the back of his head to pull him into you as he grabbed the base of his cock, equally as desperate to be even closer to you.

Something between you had shifted and while you were teasing and playing with eachother a moment ago, there was a sense of urgency to close the gap between you now. He inserted himself slowly, making both of you moan at the breach, your fingernails digging little crescent moons into his shoulder blades.

Your bodies moved in sync against each other needily, grabbing flesh wherever you could, squeezing as if it would bring you two closer, merge him and you together so that you would never have to part. The sound of your gasps and skin slapping together filled the silence of the tent.

One particularly hard thrust to your sweet spot had you clenching around him, fast approaching your high.

“Hyunjin! Fuck” – you wanted to say something to him, anything that would convey just half of what was swirling around in your head at the moment.

“You feel so good around me, y/n. Never want to leave” – he rasped as he hugs your body tighter to his.

“Don’t have to. Stay with me” – you almost sobbed against him, overwhelmed by the emotions in your chest and the pleasure you’re feeling. Your lips haphazardly kiss the side of his face.

“Please. Stay…” – you repeat, hoping it doesn’t fall on deaf ears as his hips begin to stutter against yours, one of his hands sliding down to rub at your bundle of nerves, hoping to tip you over the edge.

And he does, the tight coil in your stomach snapping as you let go and come around his cock with a loud moan against his sweaty skin. His release soon after coated your insides as he rides you through your highs, before his body collapsed on top of yours, face nuzzling into your neck, breathing you in.

You held onto eachother for a while, just basking in the warmth and closeness you shared for this moment.

Despite not saying a thing to each other, there was something looming in the air. The reality that Hyunjin would leave, soon after the sandstorm had passed. Your hearts now intertwined, how much would it hurt if you severed the connection by force? How much would your heart bleed as you watched him go on his way, leaving you behind?

Tears gathered in your eyes as you sighed shakily and pressed his comfortingly warm body further into you, inhaling his scent, hoping you would memorise his entire existence and how it felt to have him just for one night.

Hyunjin was equally lost in thought as his cheek rested against your collarbone, utterly spent. His chest constricted at the thought of having to leave. He had thought briefly about staying behind with you, adapting to a settled life but he had always enjoyed and craved the freedom that came with a nomadic lifestyle. Would he choose you over it regardless?

The loss of warmth on your chest broke you out of your stupor to see Hyunjin rummaging around to clean the two of you up, all of it so gentle it made you want to cry.

He helped you dress back up before settling in for the night, offering his arm up for you to sleep on which you gladly take, making yourself comfortable against his chest.

No words were spoken, both you and Hyunjin too afraid to break the illusion that this is permanent.

Sleep didn’t come to you easily and when it did, it’s entirely dreamless.

The next day already looks much different. Neither of you mention the activities of last night and get to walking the last amount of distance as soon as you’re properly awake.

Hyunjin observes your surroundings and seemingly deems it the right place, stopping in his tracks in front of a cave.

“This seems to be the nest” – he starts, kicking up some sand.

“I’m gonna put out the bait then we’ll hide. Shouldn’t take too long to attract most of them” – his voice was strangely monotone. This long quest of walking all the way here to get your knife back suddenly seemed hollow.

The nomad takes something wrapped in cloth out of his backpack and carefully places it on the ground in front of the cave before leading you to hide behind a rock formation.

“Whatever you do, don’t show yourself until I say so, sandworms can’t really see well above ground but once they notice you, they’ll give chase” – he explains but hands you one of his daggers as a safety precaution. The last thing he needs was you dying to one of these dumb worms.

You hide behind the rock formations, clutching the dagger like a lifeline as Hyunjin leaves when he hears the first few signs of movement in the ground. His initial is etched into the hilt and it seems like this dagger in particular was handcrafted.

Sounds of struggle and the roars of several sandworms reach your ears. How many did that sound like? Two? Five? It was hard to tell apart.

What if he was already hurt? What if there were too many? Your fingers clutch the dagger tighter in your hands, mentally rallying yourself to jump out of your hiding to support him. You could die. But what if your support saved him?

Letting out one last steadying breath, it takes all your courage to step out of your hiding, ready to face however many sandworms were circling around Hyunjin, his dagger pointed towards the direction of the cave.

Only to find Hyunjin already digging through monster guts nonchalantly.

He jolts momentarily and you assume it’s because he heard the sand crunching underneath your boots, yet he keeps digging in the innards without acknowledging you, suddenly so reminiscent of the first day you met.

“They weren’t even that big. Can’t even bring them back to eat them. Shame” – he murmurs, probably more to himself than to you.

He lets out a small ‘ah’ before fishing out the dagger you came out here to retrieve, holding it against the light as unidentifiable juices drip from it.

“Dagger found.”

Yet you don’t feel like celebrating.

-

The way back wasn’t nearly as exhausting and eventful. Hyunjin and you kept the conversation to a minimum, focusing on covering as much distance as you could.

Back in your home, you cleaned the dagger thoroughly. Very thoroughly, the mental image of where it used to be still flickering in your mind; the frame in your living room back in its place and the dagger atop the hooks designated for it.

The sandstorm was predicted to start this night and even though you were deadly tired from your wandering, Hyunjin and you stocked up before barricading yourselves into your home.

He was off doing whatever in his room while you tinkered with another seemingly broken gadget. You knew you could fix it, there was just one little thing you had to repair and it would work again, you were sure of it.

Yet the stupid piece of long lost technology didn’t cooperate with you, refusing to work, to show any sign of life. And then your screwdriver slipped and you nicked yourself into the finger, blood quickly rising to the surface to seep out of the miniscule scratch.

That was enough to make you break down in tears finally. Frustrated that this stupid thing didn’t obey you. Or was that it? In the back of your mind, the thoughts of Hyunjin leaving you behind without a second thought kept swirling around, never really leaving you alone.

You were frustrated with him. Angry, that he didn’t just say ‘yes, I’ll stay with you forever’ and settled down together with you. But that wouldn’t be fair to him, would it?

He always called you birdie, picked it up from Bahari, yet you wanted to snatch him up and rip his wings off, forcing him to stay on the ground together with you. Would it be so hard for you to grow wings and join him in the air?

As the tears freely flowed from your eyes, device long abandoned in front of you at the table, Hyunjin watched you.

“Do you have games to play during the storm? I don’t really want to sleep through it or sit around and do nothing.”

You hastily wiped away any stray tears on your cheeks and hoped you looked somewhat stable when you looked back at him. He had entirely forgone the mask and goggles in your home now, feeling comfortable with you seeing his entire face by now. It was comforting. That way you could see his softened gaze sweep over your form.

“Yeah, but uh… it’s a dumb card game and it’s-… I find it fun but it’s too complicated and-“

“Explain it to me then” – he sat down across from you, smiling softly.

You sniffed and nodded silently, retrieving the small box in which you found the cards. And so you started explaining in great detail the rules and workings of a card game that someone in your village made up some twenty years ago that either clicks immediately with you or just thinking about its existence gives you a headache.

Hyunjin was an excellent learner, you found out. He had to ask every now and then for a repeat of a specific rule or what he should do in a certain situation but overall he learned the game rather quickly.

Too quickly. In your third game he came scarily close to beating you and it felt kind of embarassing. The worries that swirled in your mind temporarily dissipated as you two lovingly teased each other whenever someone made a dumb play.

The sandstorm was in full force, your windows and doors rattling beneath their barricades but since this wasn’t your first one, it didn’t scare you.

What scared you more was that by the end of the night, Hyunjin had you in his lap, as if nothing happened. Despite trying to ignore each other to make your parting less painful, you couldn’t keep away, lips meeting sloppily as you licked into his mouth needily.

He grinded up into you, the fabric of his pants catching deliciously on your core, making you whimper into his mouth. He grabbed handfuls of your ass to guide your movements against him, aiming to give as much pleasure to you as he could.

“Come with me” – he breathes against you, lips latching onto your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses in their wake.

“Leave with me, we’ll travel together” – his clothed cock strained against his pants painfully, desperate to be touched.

Your sanity was hanging on by a thread at this point, his needy moans right in your ear as he voiced his wish was driving you insane. Your hands found the zipper of his pants, clumsily freeing his cock from its confines and wasting no time to get your hands on him, pumping him in fast up-and-down motions.

“y/n…” – his moans raised in pitch. He looked so pretty like this, you thought. All disheveled hair sticking to his forehead and lips red and puffy. His eyes are trained on where your hand is wrapped around his cock, watching the way you stroke him.

“Fuck… Fuck, please…” – he keened and his hips met your movements, fucking up into your hand desperately.

Your hand glides a few more times over his length before he spills his release all over your fingers with a drawn out moan. You leaned up to pepper his face with a few kisses.

“You did so good, Jinnie” – you whispered with one last kiss to his pretty lips. You climb off him to lick your hand and his dick clean of his own release, eliciting another groan from the man above you.

In true nomad fashion, Hyunjin returned the favor, two of his fingers continously abusing your sweet spot a moment later, his voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear that you could barely process the meaning of.

You watched as his fingers disappeared into your heat, your wetness causing obscene squelching noises.

“Even taking my fingers so well, aren’t you, little bird?” – he kissed the shell of your ear. His thumb started circling your clit for even more stimulation.

It didn’t take long for you to clench down on him as you reached your high, juices spilling over his fingers that he licked clean just like you did.

Even after you had cleaned up and cuddled up to each other in your bed, the sandstorm raged on.

Your fingers traced idle patterns into his skin as you thought over the words he had so desperately whispered against you just a few moments ago.

There was nothing really holding you here except the knowledge that your family had spent their lives in this exact same spot. You wouldn’t be missed in the canteen, easily replaced by one of the other people who were excellent at cooking. Maybe Bahari would have more work to do without you but nothing impossible.

Could a flightless bird really learn to fly?

Some birds had to learn that the hard way. Their mothers believing in their ability and tossing them out of the safe nest.

Maybe it was your time to leave the nest, too.

The sandstorm was over and so Hyunjin had packed his things and stocked up on food. He secured his goggles and mask onto his face, veiling himself back into obscurity.

He would miss this town, some of the strange characters living here had wormed themselves into his heart in the short while he had lived amongst them. One of the locals especially, who had accepted him into her home without much thought. Someone who had quickly become something he would liken to a feeling of ‘home’ that he never had a concept of before.

Hyunjin sighed and kicked up some dirt, slowly growing impatient. He wanted to be on his way already.

“Sorry!”

There it was. Now they could maybe get at least close to the distance he wanted to cover.

“You’re late.”

You huffed and pointed to your own backpack.

“I don’t usually run with half my weight on my back, give me a break!”

Hyunjin tilted his head at your response, an amused smile finding its way onto his lips as you pouted up at him.

“Get used to it, I can’t carry you all the time, birdie.”

He rummaged in his sidebag for a moment before producing a similar pair of mask and goggles for you, fitting to his. You immediately struggled to put it on, confused with how the mask is supposed to be clicked into place.

Hyunjin sighed again and helped you attach everything to your face, but not before giving you a quick peck to your lips.

“Do I look as cool as you?” – you twirled for him, striking a pose.

“Every nomad is going to fear you and I’ll hide behind you, swooning over my cool girlfriend who can definitely protect me” – he freed a lock of your hair from beneath one of the straps of your equipment.

“That’s right!”

And so your nomadic lifestyle alongside Hyunjin began.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad to get used to someone slowing your wanderings down if it meant that sights that Hyunjin had seen countless times before elicited the biggest, sparkliest eyes so filled with wonder in you.

For that he didn’t mind stopping, resting his wings for a bit.

-

taglist: @jeonginsleftcheek @moonchild9350

[luvehhj]

just wow

𝑨𝒓𝒕 𝑫𝒆𝒄𝒐

♱‧₊˚. pairing: dom!hwanghyunjin x sub!femreader 𓈒 ୨९⟡₊⋆∘ synopsis: An eccentric and peculiar artist, whose art is well known for its captivating and erotic method, is fascinated by you, who naively thought you just accepted a small job for him. ೨౿ ⋆ ˚｡ genre — warnings: MDNI, smut, shibari ropeplay, dubcon, bdsm, sex toys, impact play, spanking, edging, overstimulation, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, fingering, cunnilingus, unprotected sex, creampie, pet names. ⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ word count: 9.3k

♬⋆.˚ art deco by lana del rey ♥︎ closer by nine inch nails ♥︎ tear you apart by she wants revange ♥︎ red lights by stray kids

(𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿 '𝟮𝟰) ₊˚🕯️♱‧₊˚. 04: artist

wen’s note: bitch christian grey who, also red lights is a rope bunny slut wbk

The distant scent of cigarette smoke hit your face along with the cold night breeze. You shrank into your jacket, feeling your whole body shiver with cold as you waited for the driver you paid for in an app, to wait outside the large chateau property in the middle of nowhere.

It was cold and you felt the anxiety that there was no one left but you.

You heard footsteps behind you and with a shiver you turned, seeing how from the darkness and dim light emerged the bearing of a tall man in a suit.

You would be lying if you said you didn’t recognize him, someone like him would stand out anywhere. Hwang Hyunjin. A handsome adult with long black hair as shiny as night and slitted, villainous eyes in contrast to the rest of his smooth, harmonious face with beautiful bushy eyebrows, a straight nose, and full lips. He was so beautiful and handsome that he also became the model sometimes.

Hyunjin came out for fresh air and he noticed you, he had done so from the gallery, the young girl making little notes. Hyunjin had counted the journalists in his exhibition and knew their names and faces but you… he had never seen you, you were too young to work in journalism or as a critic, and yet you still took your notes.

Hyunjin approached you, playfully puffing on his cigarette.

“What did you think of today’s exhibition?”

You looked at him, surprised, you had never been that close to him or talked to him directly but you certainly knew his voice from the one or another interview you saw on the internet. Ah, the great exhibition today by Hwang Hyunjin, you were grateful and amazed that you had gotten a spot to be able to attend. His latest art exhibit, a compilation of sculptures, paintings, and photography inspired by 1920s nightlife, Art Deco, The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald and Zelda, Hemmingway, Lempicka and Picasso, in a place perfectly with an interior design exactly referring to that era. Hyunjin never did small exhibitions or hung around in small galleries, if he exhibited his art he did it big, in the famous Hwang chateau with a very strict list of upper-class guests, it was not only an exhibition, but a fashion show and almost a carpet event as his dress code was strict and even the most important fashion magazines and designers attended.

You were surprised that he suddenly walked up and spoke to you. You had been lucky enough that the university had gotten you a very coveted spot at the event. You had enjoyed his art… you just couldn’t lie about feeling a little uncomfortable seeing it for the first time in person with your own eyes. His classic and characteristic section of somewhat erotic photographs of women being tightly bound. The photos showed naked and semi-naked women with their red, slightly purple limbs, signs of how truly tight the ropes must have been. But Hwang Hyunjin was praised for his play with eroticism and a popular fetish practice.

In fact, there were so many unsolved rumors and mysteries regarding the uproar of those photographs, of which you were very curious about.

You had to be honest, you were in front of the artist himself, which is very busy and coveted in the art world, you didn’t have that opportunity every day; plus it was what you did, you wrote your most honest thoughts.

“I thought it was beautiful, wicked, perverse and devious.”

You added a bit of mischief and sarcasm in your tone, throwing in a few popular adjectives of which they catalogued his art over the years, an amusing reference that Hyunjin understood perfectly and you were relieved that he did, as if you had instantly connected. He laughed playfully, forming a smile that showed his teeth and narrowed his eyes.

“Wicked and devious, who are you, The New Yorker?” he took another puff of his cigarette, “They called me wicked and compared me to a politician, how dare they, fucking bastards. I prefer the version of The New York Times.”

Erotic and provocative. An artist born to succeed. Art whose photography arouses more than one feeling. Once in their lifetimes, unique art that happens once in many years. The one Hwang Hyunjin. Young and ambitious.

You smiled, as he was clearly just playing along and feigning an angry tone.

“By the way, I’m Hwang Hyunjin” he added more softly staring at you, stepping on the butt of his cigarette.

“I know, nice to meet you, Mr. Hwang.”

He raised his dark eyebrows as he licked his lips, waiting for an answer.

“And… you are…”

“Y/n” you replied, repeating it with your last name.

Hyunjin looked you up and down for a few seconds and your compliance vanished from you in seconds, now you were nervous, feeling penetrated by his gaze in that cold, dark night. You couldn’t lie, Hyunjin was fucking hot and handsome, his scent exquisite and his presence out of this world, he was worthy of a work of art on his own.

“Mmm… I see” he met your eyes again, “Did you come as an enjoyer or a critic?”

“A little of both” you said proudly with a smile.

“Mmm, you can never be both” cold weather steam now coming out of his mouth every time he spoke, “You work for some magazine… are you waiting for someone? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a face like yours before…”

You almost fell at his feet at his soft rambling tone of voice, you almost believed him and fell for his charms that you were sure was just another one of his moves as an artist. So you just let out a soft chuckle, but his face reflected subtle genuine confusion.

“No… I’m here for college, I also study art, I got on the list… I have a little blog of my exhibition reviews.”

Hyunjin listened to you carefully, “Ah… I had no idea a college girl would come…” he whispered almost to himself, “And a blog? Like… written? People still use that?” he added amused

You smiled, “Well so far it’s going well.”

“I’m glad. You’re going to write about this? What’s it called?”

You knew exactly what to write about, a charming, playful artist with a mysterious haze about him, you were not to be fooled by his charms…. Hwang Hyunjin was still hiding things.

“Sure, it’s called Red Lights.”

“Ah, of course I’ve seen it, you do those reviews?” your eyes reflected mild surprise, “I liked that write-up about Lee Felix’s fashion collection… but I don’t remember seeing you there on your blog.”

You lightly bit your lower lip feeling a little flattered that someone like him would read something like that, maybe it came to him because of the last review you did of his exhibition months ago that you saw online.

You called his art and method erotic, like many other major media, but it wasn’t just because it was nude… it was because there really was something erotic about it. First, the bondage of the woman was shown, and in another photograph the genuine and true face of pleasure itself, a twisted pleasure, a wicked smile, and shiny tears. That left as much to the viewer’s imagination as the popular belief that it was evident that Hyunjin was pleasuring or performing sexual acts on his models. In your writing, you revealed that Hyunjin himself had exposed liking that sort of thing, such as discipline and light physical abuse. You did not call him a sadist as such since it was just a pair of nudes and ropes tightly bound a woman’s body and upper limbs and their faces with tears of joy. You mentioned the mystery that the photograph captured and left a faithful follower of Hyunjin wondering how it was always a different woman. He had no fixed muse, despite also expressing how romantic he was.

You suddenly felt insecure remembering your review of him, you left more questions than answers but you couldn’t help it. No one really knew Hyunjin outside of the public eye. He could be whatever, his attitude now could just be part of his technique, he was a spontaneous artist, many times compared to Helmut Newton, but you weren’t sure about that, Hyunjin’s art was more haunting and in color.

“You haven’t seen me because I never show my face. I only write. But my instagram is there.”

Hyunjin let out a giggle and you blushed instantly, your body heated in embarrassment, why would you say something like that to an artist much older than you that you had a certain social media. A notification on your cell phone interrupted you, the driver texted that he was close to arriving.

Hyunjin thought it was cute that a beauty like you wasn’t a bit snooty and showing your face, making short art information videos, as it was obvious you had little influence, attending fancy events, dressing well, but still kept to the old method of simple writing. Maybe you were the one looking for a real position in one of those magazines. Maybe you were a beautiful girl stuck in the present day with an old soul.

He couldn’t deny that you had absolutely captured his attention. He was smitten. You were young and smart, but care and rough sex could make you dumb, which was what his deepest, most perverse thoughts hid.

“Sure, a face like yours is unique…” you smiled shyly, ”I’d remember and recognize it everywhere.”

The driver was getting closer and closer to his destination. Hyunjin licked his lips softly and a silence formed in the cold night. He questioned… whether to do it… when every girl he chooses, he studies and gets to know her first, but you arrived so spontaneously, dressed in a Maison Margiela by Galliano that gave those touches of a classic 2000’s Dior.

He acted impulsively.

“What are you doing this Monday afternoon?”

Your heart raced. If he said so, you’d cancel anything.

“Nothing in particular, I’m going to college early.”

“Are you interested in modeling for me?”

Monday, but what a strange and rushed day. Hyunjin didn’t even have plans to start his work at once, but he didn’t want to let you go. He wanted you in his art, somehow something about you connected so much with Art Deco.

The car stopped in front of you right with the descriptions that came in the app. Hyunjin didn’t think you would leave so suddenly, he didn’t even contemplate it.

You thought about it… modeling for him… it meant posing nude? And if the rumors were true… you would be subjected to sexual activity. It was the perfect opportunity to see with your own eyes and fully experience the true process and method of Hyunjin’s art.

“Can I ask you something?”

Anything, Hyunjin thought. He nodded, sensing that the situation was being rushed since you had to get into the car.

“Can I write about it?”

“Deal” Hyunjin didn’t even think twice about it, he would see how he would manage, “I’ll send you the details later. See you soon.”

You got into the car and Hyunjin closed the door for you, bowing with a tender smile that you caught a glimpse of from the window. You wondered if he was staying alone in the huge chateau.

You would finally find out what’s really going on behind the camera.

Only Hwang Hyunjin could make your Monday so fucking interesting. You were about to spend the afternoon with him and that made you nervous, despite having received all the information in the e-mail where it was specifically worded by Hyunjin’s staff that it would be a simple portrait modeling.

You were slightly disappointed, not because you expected to be tied up and have sex with the most handsome man your eyes have ever seen, but because you wanted answers to all the questions that caused a buzz in the art community, you thought you would be special and be the first to write details about working for Hwang Hyunjin, because every woman he photographs are young and unknown to the public and not much is known about them, not even Hyunjin shows them in his exhibitions so that the public knows that they are real, that they existed and are not just art captured from him… or maybe they were just that. By working for him you became his property and immortalized as such, maybe the beautiful twisted women were others in their daily life.

Still… you hoped you could ask him a few questions and maybe he might reveal something.

Hyunjin was specific with your makeup, natural, with subtle gold with silver glitter eyeshadow and thin-pencil eyeliner. His team showed you in the email the example and sent you exactly the right eyeshadow, foundation, soft blush in a cool pink shade, and the perfect nude shade of silky lipstick. You complemented the makeup hoping it would be what Hyunjin had wanted. He had also been specific with the clothes, nothing that would make marks on your skin, from tight underwear or clothes.

You arrived at the address Hyunjin gave you. A lonely loft building, owned by Hyunjin, where he had his photography equipment and a small studio. Upon entering it was nothing like you expected, everything was perfectly decorated, you should have seen it coming from him.

He greeted you with a smile and you were surprised how he became more handsome in two days… or you were beginning to see him differently after your little paranoia you kept looking for things about him, you couldn’t deny it, he had a unique beauty and charming personality without even trying, something that captivated you and trapped you.

But it was very well known that Hyunjin was a guy who loved to party despite being reserved, he was the perfect combination of a partying artist, lonely, mysterious, and romantic, all his love life was very well hidden, and nothing was known about him romantically other than his art, lifestyle and the way he expresses himself.

Hyunjin saw you with a sparkle in his eyes, knowing you would document everything later. His plan was to go moderately slow, though he couldn’t wait and was itching to tie up your body until you were bruised. But first, he would charm you, with little details and photo shoot appointments, and before you knew it, he would be offering you something much more interesting. He recognized that the process could take days, weeks…

“Welcome. You look beautiful, my godiva. I’ll show you around.”

“Godiva?”

You followed Hyunjin and he turned with a tender smile continuing his walk. Hyunjin looked so good, wearing all-black attire, a thin turtleneck sweater and pants that matched his manly long legs, with his hair slicked back and ring details on his long fingers and a watch on his wrist.

“It is one of my favorite paintings with a story, a pretty and kind woman whose kindness and heart changed her ambitious husband’s mind and helped the village, in exchange for a shameful sacrifice, you know the story?”

“I know it, yes… why did you call me that?”

“Do you want an explanation for everything, don’t you, sweet girl?” he looked at you amused, “Because you are my kind woman. For today. My muse.”

You felt a good shiver. You were happy but at the same time you thought maybe then it’s something he says to every woman who passes through here or works for him. Just another part of his tricks.

You didn’t understand why you were suddenly making such a big deal out of it, it wasn’t like someone like Hyunjin was magically going to fall in love with you.

Hyunjin showed you around, telling you details and stories while you listened to him carefully… but there were times when you got lost in the movement of his lips, you couldn’t help it, so full, so kissable; he noticed it and an occasional mischievous, shy smile escaped from him, normally he felt like he had the highest ego… but with you, it felt like the innocence of a first date.

“Wouldn’t you be taking notes of everything I would tell you?” he paused in his talk to tell you.

You opened your eyes slightly, you knew exactly what to write. Your evening with a real artist, an attractive and charming one, all your college girl classmates would go crazy. Anyone who saw Hyunjin would have a crush on him.

“Oh, I’ll remember everything, don’t worry Mr. Hwang.”

Hyunjin licked his lips, arousing his senses that you spoke to him formally.

“God, I wish I could give you something better to remember tonight” he whispered, his eyes glued on you then averted, you had heard him. “Call me Hyunjin.”

Next was your photoshoot of which you hadn’t felt nervous about until he was attractively setting up his camera, you hadn’t even prepared yourself… the whole damn time you were thinking about his other kind of pictures, the erotic ones, how he tied with his nimble, long fingers and what was really going on for women to have that fucked expression on their face. You only knew that Hyunjin himself talked about that very thing three years ago, that he traveled to Japan to relax, to find inspiration in the little things, and that suddenly one day he discovered the art of shibari, the Japanese rope play and that he learned it from scratch; months after that trip to Japan the world got the first photographs.

It couldn’t be possible… that it was you who was lusting after Hyunjin, and if that was his plan or how he used to do it, it was working, you didn’t care. His clothes were tight on his manly, slender figure… and his thighs thick, but you couldn’t help but notice the large bulge that formed precisely there, the bulge of his notorious cock, which was right there, impossible to miss and without needing to be hard, you cursed mentally, thinking it must be big.

You started to get hot, sweating slightly from your lower back, the dirty thoughts were happening at an incredible speed in your head.

He approached you, ready for the pictures and noticed the faint red color on your cheeks; he smiled smugly, as he had done nothing but exist and you were already all flushed.

You confessed to him that it was weird being the model because you used to be the artist, but he took it upon himself to help you.

You tried on different outfits that suddenly didn’t feel like you. And after a while, you thought you were done when he suddenly ordered you in a harsher tone of voice:

“Wear this Versace, now. I’ll take pictures of you.”

You were surprised because he had all along been polite and didn’t order as such… but you liked how his voice suddenly got thicker as he ordered you something.

The shoot was officially over, and after that and with timid steps, you were ready to get back into your clothes again, Hyunjin was tidying up his photography equipment a bit when he stopped you.

“Where are you going? Stay dressed like that” he ordered you again and then realized his tone, “You can keep the dress… it’s made to fit you. Okay, any questions now that we’re done?”

Too many, but you had no idea how to phrase them.

“It’s night now, would you like to go out to dinner somewhere taking advantage of that pretty dress you have on, sweetie?”

He was driving you crazy, ordering you around but then talking cute to you while looking this handsome and asking you out. You didn’t turn him down.

On the way to the restaurant in Hyunjin’s car there was a tense atmosphere somehow, but he softened it with small talk, he really liked to talk, he was tender.

You arrived at a fancy place, you weren’t ready for all that but you let yourself go, just walking beside him felt good already.

A delicious dinner, a couple of drinks, and you and Hyunjin were getting to know each other more and more and becoming more comfortable with each other. Even comfortable enough to ask him:

“So… how do you do it?”

“Do what?” he replied with a smile.

You looked at him with your eyes narrowed.

“Your… photographs…”

“Well, with a camera” he joked, “What photographs?” Hyunjin noticed your slight uncertainty to answer in seconds and understood. “Ahh, those photographs. You’re dying to know, aren't you?” he said smugly.

“Of course not…” you jokingly replied.

It was all giggles, until he got serious, took from his glass with champagne and, with the glass near his lips said:

“Do you want to find out for yourself? I bet you want to try.”

A wicked smile formed on Hyunjin’s face each time you got closer to your destination. He had fantasized about it but he didn’t want to seem like a pervert or rush things with you… but you agreed, you did it and now you couldn’t believe it.

You were more and more surprised because it had been 20 minutes since you had left the city and just driving out of town. Twenty more minutes and Hyunjin finally stopped the car in the middle of nowhere, in front of a traditional Korean house.

A part of you trembled that you felt it in the foreground, that it was you who now let out tears of pleasure as you had fantasized as a handsome, older man like Hyunjin. But another part of you hoped it was only information told.

Hyunjin opened the car door for you and you looked at the place… truly a house in the middle of nowhere among the trees. You felt a chill and the cold of the night on your skin, thinking then that’s where it all happens, where other women have been before you.

“This hanok belonged to my grandfather and he passed it down to me. I’ve kept it ever since. I learned a lot from him, I owe my love of the art to him.”

Hyunjin spoke sincerely. You admired the nice garden.

“It’s nice and peaceful.”

You were trembling with nerves.

Finally, you entered the main room. Everything was still so traditional, with wood everywhere, but you noticed the little modern details Hyunjin added. Every one of his places was just like another art exhibition, decorated with paintings.

“I use it to relax, I get distracted here for a really good time and it's ideal for inviting my friends over… and well, this is where I usually practice bondage.”

You nodded, avoiding looking him in the eye. You wanted to leave. Since you knew the place you could leave; you were biting your lip in constant regret that you were actually going to be tied up. But you wanted to leave because you were embarrassed, not because you didn’t want it—the unique sex experience.

“Come here. You wanted to see it for yourself.”

A couple more rooms with sliding doors. You arrived, but Hyunjin paused with his hand on the door.

“So that you know absolutely everything…” he spoke, looking you in the eyes again.

You nodded, you were anxious and slightly excited but you were beginning to accept your fate —which you weren’t complaining much about—. Hyunjin continued:

“Usually this is where I take the pictures, I like to play with the scenery and re-decorate it, that’s why you see different scenery” he pointed in front of a spot in the room with more photography equipment. “Before entering the model is given a consent form that they decide whether to sign or not, it talks about agreeing to pose nude, to have risqué photos taken even on her genitals, and to abide by my orders as well as choosing a safe word in any case she feels uncomfortable or doesn’t have as much tolerance for pain. I like to play with them, dress them, tie them up, and let the art perform itself.”

Your breath shortened. It was so twisted but coming from his lips, voice, and serious tone… why it was so hot and mesmerizing.

It was a small disappointment that before you there were multiple women and you could almost imagine their naive and excited faces before walking through that door. The contract thing? Slick and dirty.

“Can I see it?” you said suddenly.

He raised an eyebrow in confusion looking so attractive, there was something about his bearing that looked commanding all of a sudden, as if his eyes became sharper and his body more desirable. You were impatient, at least you wanted to kiss him, you didn’t understand why so much desperation.

“The contract” you sentenced.

Hyunjin chuckled and walked over to a desk, pulling out two sheets of paper from some folders and handed them to you.

You bit your lip as you held them… thinking that maybe you were getting excited in vain, that after all, he wasn’t inviting you to be one of his models and that he hadn't even given you the contract nor did he look like he intended to give it to you, just because you asked.

The contract was specific and explicit and talked about you agreeing to be Hyunjin’s submissive for as long as he chooses by being inside that property. In the end, it said something that made too much sense, that after the shoot and when all is concluded, the model should only approach and address him professionally and under no circumstances divulge what she experienced and did. The model has the right to attend the event where her photographs will be exhibited and is obliged to use an artistic name or pseudonym. And it ended with an impressive amount of money with which she would be paid.

You sighed softly as you finished reading. It sounded private and serious from what you said:

“I won’t write about this.”

“Wise decision. But because I like you so much I can give you the exclusive and you decide already whether to write or not, sweetheart.”

You didn’t even have time to think when Hyunjin took the papers from your hand and slid the door open, revealing a long rectangular room decorated in classic wood and well-lit, with a sweet and mesmerizing scent, everything was spotless… but in the room, there was evidently sex practice furniture.

“Obviously everything is clean, it’s rigorously cleaned every time the mess is finished, and you’re lucky that the chairs and stuff are new.”

Lucky. You were at a loss for words. It was real. It was what he liked to do. You didn’t judge him, it was so normal, just another way he lived his sex life. But it was unknown to you, at least living it or actually seeing it and the unknown gives you that certain uneasy feeling.

Hyunjin took a step forward staring at you still holding the papers in his hand.

“Do you want to give it a try? Do you want to sign the contract?” he brought his face close to yours with a smug smile. “It can be for artistic purposes, just so you understand the art you’re so curious about” he crooned, playfully.

You shuddered and maintaining eye contact you nodded shyly. You knew exactly what you were agreeing to, there was no need to play dumb, you wanted it, you wanted it ever since you saw him when you entered his loft.

“You can sign later. I’ll get you dressed” Hyunjin spoke, in a more cheerful and excited tone.

He was just as, if not slightly more impatient than you. He hadn’t felt this aroused in a while, most of the time he did get aroused but it was more like pleasure play, he found satisfaction and didn’t get too involved, he was more dominant and knew how to control it… he was’'t sure if he could pull that off with you just now.

You went back to giving a visual tour of the place as Hyunjin walked to another door that appeared to be a closet. You sighed as soon as you saw that it was a closet, with lingerie, sex toys and his ropes.

Hyunjin approached you, holding a silky white babydoll and thigh high sheer stockings also white. He held your face for the first time, making your heart almost stop as you saw him so close and felt his warm hands and cold rings on your cheeks.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m going to dress you in white because…. you have that energy in you so pure and wise, you’re as beautiful as a woman waiting dressed in white at the altar, anyone who marries you will be a lucky fucking son of a bitch. So just for tonight be everything to me, my object of pleasure, my lover, my wife.”

Hyunjin caressed your cheek and you felt your knees go weak at hearing him and seeing the gleam in his dark eyes, you didn’t even have that silly thought that he might have told someone else, you didn’t care, at least you were the one hearing it and living it right at this moment, with him.

“Undress, love, now” he ordered you softly, sliding the zipper of your dress and he took two steps back and moved a little away from you.

His piercing gaze watched you standing there and a subtle wicked smile twitched the corners of his lips. You did as he ordered and as soon as your dress fell to the floor the sensitive spot on your pussy throbbed in excitement, there was something in the atmosphere and in the room beyond your arousal and his incredible sexual energy, something about the place made you feel haunted, as if the silence of the night had a supernatural erotic power on you, you were as uneasy as you had ever been.

Hyunjin licked his lips, watching you take off your last little garments, your underwear. You were so wet, that you felt your wetness slide into your folds as you took off your panties. This time, his cock was unbelievably hard at the sight of your naked body. Hyunjin’s world stopped for a second as his cock throbbed in complete pleasure, and he paused to watch you carefully without missing any detail about you, from your shy and slightly nervous expression to the shape of your neck and how it connected to the delicacy of your shoulders and collarbones, showing your chest and breasts… the shape of them, your nipples, your delicate limbs, your abdomen and the sweet juicy skin of your pubis… every detail, down to the moles on your body. He was satisfied.

“You are beautiful,” he told you, moving closer to you.

Up close he became more absorbed and managed to perceive the scent of your perfume, delighting himself in it. He bit his lower lip and couldn’t resist how soft your exposed breasts looked, so he brought both his hands to your tits, making you shudder slightly, massaging them gently, with the babydoll on his broad shoulder. You too bit your lip in pleasure to stop a sigh. You saw his big hands grab your breasts, move them and play with your nipple and in the process you noticed the huge erection in his pants and then you saw his face, thinking he was even bigger with a hard cock, you wanted Hyunjin now, you needed him, you needed to feel him inside you, in your hands, in your mouth… He was so close to you… you could appreciate his so manly features perfectly marked, like his nose and sharp jaw and his lips, you wanted to kiss him and have him take you at once, you felt he could fuck you right there, you were already so ready for his cock to slide into you without even truly touching him.

He repeated your act, he saw your breasts and enjoyed the feel of your tits adjusting to his hands and then he watched your sweet face holding back and he smiled.

“You like that, bunny, huh? Answer everything I tell you.”

“Yes” you sighed.

His giggle again appeared and what started out sweet became more and more intense, squeezing your breasts with intensity and treating them rougher, ending with a rough play towards your nipples that made you sigh.

“Arms up, my baby doll, I’m going to dress you.”

He took his hands off your breasts leaving you with a void as it felt too good, he was stimulating you and turning you on more. Hyunjin put the silky robe on you and took the opportunity to caress and squeeze your ass, taking you to heaven. He got down on his knees and put on your stockings, caressing and squeezing your thighs, until he couldn’t resist, he lifted the robe covering your pussy and his face was in front of your mons pubis, Hyunjin finely ran his fingers on your slick once, and then did it deeply again, earning an unexpected shudder and soft moan from you.

“Shit, you’re so fucking wet, baby.”

He smirked and went to the closet again, finally pulling out the ropes. You didn’t move an inch.

Hyunjin began untying and preparing them, standing in front of you at a distance and looking so fucking sexy as his hands and arms wrapped around the rope.

“Do you know why I chose this place? A house in the middle of nowhere?” he commented, a flirtatious tone in his voice preparing the long rope.

He looked at you and you shook your head, he smiled running his tongue along his cavity, satisfying him as you were suddenly at a loss for words as you had gone from being bubbly and chatty with him to showing yourself just the way he liked it: submissive. A submissive with the big eyes of a frightened bunny, of a prey about to be devoured, of a helpless woman about to be fucked hard.

“Because I took so much admiration for this practice in Japan and my first bondage I did when I was young in a traditional Japanese house, the place inspired me too much and I remembered I had this house a bit abandoned… but the best part of it all is that you are free to make all the noise. You can cry all you want, no soul but me is going to hear you scream.”

Your skin stood on end, the last sentence had been dangerous in every way, hot, commanding and when you least knew it, he was already close to you rolling up his sleeves and ready to start the real attraction.

“Turn around and put your arms behind your back.” he ordered, in a rougher way and intimidating you with his gaze.

You obeyed him and stood staring up at the traditional walls of the room and felt the sensation of the soft rope passing through your arms and Hyunjin placing it in front of your body, encircling your breasts and abdomen, and going up your shoulders. You were so excited that if you opened your mouth you feared a moan would come out of it.

“So… what’s going to be your safe word?” he questioned in a rough, seductive voice and you felt your first squeeze in your arms through the ropes. “Or will you make a bad girl and not need it? That never happens…”

You hadn’t thought about it… was it so painful as to require a word? You thought you were holding on. You will.

“There will be no safe word” you mentioned in a shaky voice.

The next squeeze and the first strong tie in your arms.

“You are a little sick. I adore it. You want to be all spunky girl” he kept on tying, each time squeezing tighter and drawing your arms tighter together, “Let’s see how that works out for you, honey.”

And suddenly, it wasn’t the intensity of the bondage that surprised you, but the way he began to tease you, feeling his warm breath behind you, his heavy breathing, and his erection rubbing against your body.

“Tell me, my dear, have you tried submission and bondage before…?”

“No.”

He tied hard. Squeezing around your breasts, marking them on the babydoll.

“It will be an honor to be the first. But I won’t be gentle, I never am. Do you like rough sex?”

“I-I don’t know.”

You weren’t even beginning to think straight, your pussy was throbbing painfully down there, you were afraid you were going to start dripping from how turned on you were and he was just tying you up and rubbing his erection against you. All you could think about was how good his long fingers must look holding the rope and skillfully tying you up, you wished you had eyes on your back right about now.

“You don’t know?” he tied tight close to your hands, finishing. “You’ve never been fucked hard? Or don’t tell me you’re a virgin?”

You swallowed nervously, gulping saliva that burned in your throat from how enormously aroused you were, your heartbeat thundering in your ears.

“I’m not…”

“Oh yeah? Who was the lucky guy who entered paradise between your legs for the first time?”

Hyunjin stepped back, appreciating the beauty of the bonds in your arms, leaving you immobilized and staggering. He walked to the front of you with a predatory gaze, admiring his creation now on the front of your body, your breasts well marked on the fabric and your abdomen bound in a figure.

“Remember to answer everything, I thought you would be a good girl.”

You looked into his eyes, your big, merciful eyes, full of pure sexual ecstasy.

“My first boyfriend, when I was 19.”

“How is he now?” Hunjin ran his hands through your hair, pushing it a little away from your face, “Knowing he won something wonderful in life, your purity.”

You felt slightly humiliated, you were facing him, in a slightly curved position because of the tight bonds that bothered your arms, which bothered your circulation a little.

“He’s fine, I think. He studied law.”

“Too bad for him, he lost you, but now you’re mine.”

Hyunjin walked out of the room to return with his camera in hands.

“There go the first pictures, hun..”

Flash behind your back, this time Hyunjin didn’t bother to change the setting of the place, he had never shown the place as such, he always decorated it in a way that suited the concept of his exhibition, but you had been so spontaneous, you weren’t even planned for weeks like all his models, the concept was the simple nature of desire, erotic and experimentation.

Then he took pictures of your body in front.

“Fuck they look so good, so homely and domestic. I love it” he mentioned looking at the pictures.

He put the camera away leaving it on the floor carpet and moved your body from your shoulders forcing you to take a few steps, all the way to the center under a bar with chuncky metal hooks hanging from its ceiling.

“You seemed to get so excited at the idea of being tied up. But let’s steady your position, sweetheart.”

Hyunjin hooked you from the rope that ran behind your shoulders and left you hanging, just touching your toes to the floor. You felt strange and excited, unable to move and hanging there like nothing.

He smiled again, satisfied and wicked and his erection throbbed in pleasure at the sight of your state, helpless and bound.

“You still want to know how I take my pictures” he whispered hotly in your ear.

He gently pulled away until you felt his hair brush against your cheek, being in that position and tied up was making you uncomfortable but there was something so hot about it.

“Yes, Hyunjin.”

At this point you couldn’t say no to him and you weren’t thinking clearly, other than the feeling of your limbs and body tied, dangling and your throbbing cunt.

“I know absolutely everything they say about me, but although it may surprise you I never fuck my models, I don’t even kiss them, but I do like to play with them, with their pleasure and temperament, I enjoy taking them to the extreme and having them explore the very capabilities of their body…”

Hyunjin spoke close to your face, like a villain telling his plan to the poor helpless and immobile victim.

“Oh, honey, but I asked you if you like rough sex because I plan to fuck you” he caressed your cheek with his thumb.

He turned away to go back to his kinky closet.

“Wooden paddle or leather?” he hummed for himself, “What will I beat your cute ass with?”

You began to move your hands in desperation looking for a release. It was starting to bother you but you didn’t want to complain, you wanted to truly feel that rare and erotic experience.

Hyunjin approached you, with a vibrator and his leather spanking paddle.

“You’re a good sweet girl, let me get you ready.”

He ran his hand in your folds and you moaned instantly, shuddering, he played with your clit and he bit his lip, getting lost in the soft, sticky, warm feeling of your pussy lips wrapping his fingers. It was feeling so good, you were so needy. Your nipples hardened and your body sought to move in pleasure.

“Go on, sweetheart, make all the noise you want, don’t be afraid to enjoy absolutely everything.”

You let out a choked moan, you pressed your hands against each other unable to move your limbs, it was feeling like heaven itself to be touched by him as you looked into his eyes, his sultry gaze and wicked smile.

“God, you are so wet, are you liking this, my bunny?”

You nodded, desperate.

“Yes!” you moaned in pleasure and surprise as you spoke just as he thrust two fingers into you.

His fingers were perfect in you, so long reaching a soft spot inside you as he stirred them deep in you, almost as if exploring then slowly penetrating you. Hyunjin felt his erection to the fullest, if it wasn’t for his very good control and management of his body, he would be whimpering with excitement, everything about you made him so fucking horny.

But then he left you an emptiness, as he removed his fingers from you. You opened your mouth, breathing was becoming a difficult task, Hyunjin took advantage of your expression and stuck his fingers that were in your pussy to mouth.

“Taste yourself. I bet you taste so good my little doll” he removed his hand from your mouth to hold the sex toy, “Alright, this goes inside you.”

You whimpered in pleasure moving your legs in desperation as you felt the vibrator slide deep inside you, you watched as Hyunjin pushed it into you settling it into a delicious and strategic spot. You again noticed his huge erection and had a great need to touch it… but you were right in that painful situation with your limbs without proper circulation. He placed the single sofa of the room right in front of you and sat comfortably as if having a girl tied up and hanging was the most normal thing on a Monday night for him. Hyunjin placed his calf on top of his thigh, watching you. He stirred in place as sitting made the fabric of his pants squeeze his erection tighter and he grunted softly.

In his right hand he held the small vibrator control and didn’t hesitate to use it, with a single click and a wicked grin on his part, the toy began to do its thing inside you making you moan breathlessly.

You bit your lip hard and swirled your pelvis in pleasure, cursing softly as your walls vibrated, you felt it tingle in you, your labia majora were already a mess. Hyunjin pressed his lips together, examining how you writhed in pleasure with the limited body parts you could move, your head, your neck and your lower limbs.

“Now… tell me that story you didn’t finish, how your love of art was born.”

“What?” you whimpered.

You didn’t think he was serious, he was overstimulating you.

“Do it. Now. I want to know,” he ordered roughly. “Tell me, now.”

You whimpered feeling every great change of vibration and movement in you. You didn’t think he meant it and could hold a conversation having you as a rag doll dangling in front of him.

“I tol-d you that my fa-father had a replica of a painting… by Norman Rockwell in his room… and…” it was hard to speak, between whines and sighs, combined with the guilty pleasure of the pain of not being able to move. “It was fun to look at it… I liked it.”

“Just that? I want more details. I feel you know everything about me; but what do I know about y/n?”

Hyunjin switched the stimulation mode to simulated thrusting motions. Your poor body writhed and contracted, you felt excitedly trapped with nothing you could do about it. You were agitated, excited, with your slightly watery eyes and your pussy getting wetter and wetter.

“Fuck” you whimpered and he smiled, “The painting was done by a friend of his…”

“What was his name?” Hyunjin loved playing with you, for an incredibly smart woman, the sexual pleasure was making you silly and he was barely into foreplay.

“Jack… Bahng… and my father noticed the admiration I suddenly had for paintings and took me to my first gallery when I was twelve in New York…”

Hyunjin thought the last name sounded familiar, but he played with you, interrupting you and increasing the intensity of the thrusts that tickled your cervix almost bringing you to orgasm. You squeezed your legs together, it was painful and pleasurable, you felt you couldn’t cum because the position was uncomfortable so you were building the intensity of your climax.

“Whose gallery was it?”

“John Currin, November 2015… mmm, fuck, Hyun-”

“Focus, honey, you’re telling me something? John Currin, doesn’t he also do nudes? I think you like a certain kind of art, you little slut.”

“Mmm…” you didn’t even know what you were talking about, you started to stammer breathlessly, “But… they’re exaggerated or funny paintings sometimes. I attended with my father, his friend and his son, his son is also an artist and he taught me how to paint and from there, from there it was…”

“Aw, you’re daddy’s little girl? Who is your daddy’s friend’s son? Was he the one you said between drinks was your first crush?”

So many questions that were suddenly so hard to answer; this time you didn’t, you were about to burst into your first orgasm, you could feel it, you bit your lip and rolled your eyes softly.

“Don’t you dare cum, I haven’t authorized you yet. Hold it” he spoke annoyed, “You have to answer what I ask you, don’t make me beat you and punish you with the fucking wooden paddle.”

“What?” you stammered, desperate, watching his expression, his smooth thick black eyebrows furrowed in anger.

“Who was the guy who taught you to paint?”

Shit. You wanted to cum already, you were at your peak that you accidentally cum whimpering his name, which Hyunjin disliked completely.

“Chris-Christopher Bahng, ahh.”

This time he was genuinely pissed off.

He turned off the vibrator while you thought you fell into a small release but you were still trapped with pain in your body.

Hyunjin walked towards you and grabbed you roughly by the face.

“I ordered you not to cum.”

That wasn’t what he was truly angry about, it was that you whimpered another man’s name while cumming and it was someone he knew well.

“Christopher Bahng?” he claimed to you in annoyance, releasing you from the hooks and holding you up to lay you down moderately roughly on the floor. “Isn’t he a professor at your university?”

You nodded, exhausted. Christopher had been your first innocent love but it was obvious he was someone older and you were a child, after fifteen you never saw him again and came back reconnecting with him as you remember him, looking the same and teaching art. In fact, he was one of the most important reasons why you attended those important art events, he would get you places, but you used to say it was college support, because in part, it was true. He was just so good to you.

“Use your words.”

You had fallen sideways, turning your back to him and you were giving up feeling your arms, you wanted to be untied already.

“Yes, he is, he’s my teacher now.”

“Unbelievable, you go from Rockwell to Nabokov. You like older men, don’t you?” he spat, taking his camera to photograph you from that angle, with your bare ass, your wet thighs, your numb white arms. “That’s why you’re here, seducing me. Do you know how old I am?”

His choice of words, his tone, he was playing with you. Hyunjin photographed you on the floor, one last time before inflicting physical pain, before leaving your ass red-purple and sore. It was so dirty and hot that you thought for a second that they could be interpreted as the pictures of a helpless victim.

“Yes, I know.”

“I’m older than you, I should have known better bringing in someone so young, sleeping with her seniors for fun. And how old is Chris now?”

“I don’t know… 33, 34.”

“And did you enjoy fucking your teacher, you fucking slut?” he whispered, putting his body over yours without crushing you, to then roughly pull the toy out of you causing you to moan, “Did he enjoy being reunited with his little girl?”

You turned your neck to look at Hyunjin, he was getting the wrong idea, he was breathing heavily against your skin.

“It’s not like that, nothing happened.”

“You know how much it infuriates me that you whimpered his name while you were cumming like a fucking whore, writhing for him, huh? You were thinking about him? When you’re supposed to be mine tonight.”

You were about to answer, but Hyunjin turned your body leaving you face down and began to spank your ass violently with his strong, heavy hand, making you scream and whimper.

“I’ll show you that you’re mine, fuck, I don’t just want you to be mine tonight, I want you to be mine forever” he babbled, giving you spank after spank.

Your body contracted at each stroke, your arms sought to move and you moved your legs but Hyujin held them tightly to stop you from resisting. Your cry and his hand hitting your skin were present in the room, you could even feel the firmness of his rings digging into your skin.

“Hy-Hyunjin!” you couldn’t with the pain that was uncontrollably arousing you, you felt sick, your buttocks were burning but your clit was throbbing again.

“You fucking like this, don’t you, little slut? You like being treated like what you are, huh?”

He stopped spanking you to play roughly with your pussy, penetrating your entrance and stroking your labia hard. You whined in pleasure, the pleasure seemed painfully eternal with Hyunjin. And minutes later, you cum on his fingers unable to resist. He couldn’t resist how swollen and juicy your cunt looked either, so in one swift movement, he settled his body to lick and revel in your juices. You were desperate, you wanted to move, you wanted to touch him, you wanted to see his handsome face as he ate your pussy but you were limited from so many things; still Hyunjin continued, running his hot thick tongue in your cunt.

“Mmmm, fuck baby, you’re—so fucking delicious, I can’t” he moaned, sucking on your labia and cumming slowly and painfully in his pants, unable to hold it in any longer.

He continued to make a series of movements in a rhythm that blurred your vision and brought you to orgasm after orgasm. You were exhausted, sore and hoarse. You had been used.

Hyunjin was hard again, ready to do one last thing before he untied you completely. You felt his mouth pull away from you and heard the sound of a belt buckle and zipper being pulled down. You knew it, you were just slightly recovering when you felt his hot wet tip rub against your puffy pussy lips. He settled your body so that you were supported on your knees; he kept teasing you with his hard member in you, which made him moan until he finally pushed his entire length into you.

New tears began to flow from you. Hyunjin was huge. He was tearing you apart, but his warm cock inside you filling absolutely everything made you feel so whole.

He held on to the ropes, as if he was riding, he began to fuck you and ram you hard, bumping skin against skin.

“Hyunji-n, Hyunjin” you whined his name.

The gasps from both of you filled the room; his cock pounded every part of your insides. His movements were fast, beastly and violent but they left you so satisfied that you came twice in the process and he still continued in you until in sensual moans, he finally filled you with his cum.

Hyunjin pulled out of you to appreciate your used entrance and, out of breath, began to quickly untie you. It was unbelievable, you had not used any safety words or begged for him to stop.

He knew he was rough and that had to untie you soon, otherwise, the ropes would leave more serious marks, of which serious marks, only your ass suffered, red and swollen with signs of bruising. And you had resisted every damn spanking of which he lost count and only hit you for his slight sadistic pleasure of feeling your soft skin being abused.

Finally, your arms could breathe, but you felt a tingling in them. You were just adjusting again when Hyunjin turned your body to see your flushed face covered in tears and light sweat on your forehead.

You groaned in pain as your bottom brushed the carpet. Hyunjin unfastened your rope and robe, leaving you naked and wearing only your stockings.

He began gently caressing your breasts and waist.

“A photograph is not enough to capture you, my dear. I need to immortalize you with my oil painting. I need to paint you. I think I’m in love.”

You watched his face, with your breathing and heartbeat agitated and altered and you also noticed his visible cock, veiny, wet, shiny, erect and big.

You blinked, feeling your eyelashes still wet. Wanting to believe he was serious. Wishing it. That he could be in love with you.

He leaned toward you, brushing his nose against yours and for the thousandth time in the night, he broke every one of his rules with a model:

“Kiss me.”

You joined your lips, his kiss soothed every physical ache in you and the sensation was just as you imagined, dreamy, velvet lips deft in their movement.

The kisses escalated to be more and more sizzling, his hands kept massaging your breasts and his lips started to slide down your neck, you were obsessed with Hyunjin’s lips, your weak arms found a way to caress his hair.

He slowly separated from you. Looking at you with his typical mischievous and tenderly wicked smile.

It was a night to remember, a night you body will remember, but you got the feeling that is was just the beginning.

𐙚TAGLIST: @rylea08 @hann1bee @iovecb97 @armystay89 @lolareadsimagines @lailac13 @ayyonoona @do-you-remember-summer-127 @wildtokay @korthbum @oddracha @hyune-sssne @velvetmoonlght @shadowhunterathene @compersian @binniesbabe @strayywayy @isabel-018 @paborachaslvt @tirena1

[luvehhj]

no story can ever beat this

﴾ i drink your blood and i eat your skin, part eleven.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x f!reader

genre: vampire au

word count: 11,4K

warnings: angst ⋆ smut ⋆ blood!drinking ⋆ thigh!riding

masterlist

playlist

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You felt disconnected, as if you were watching yourself through someone else’s eyes. You didn’t feel like yourself anymore. It was as though you were losing yourself — your life, even if that life hadn’t seemed like much to live for. You were falling again and now you’re not sure if you’ll be able to get back up. The fear within you made you sick. You thought about how much time you truly have left. You can’t push this reality away, but it hurts even more when you realize that, in some way, you’re finally starting to feel.

You cannot describe it. You were in some way in the future,, but also right here at this moment. Everything seemed unreal to you. From learning about the supernatural, coming across the most gruesome sights your eyes have ever seen, to feeling — feeling wanted. You are doing it again…jumping away from your body and thinking about anything else than the present.

You were so scared…and you felt pathetic that you were only thinking about yourself right now. You should think about Mia and the others, about the fact that they also maybe be in danger. It’s been so long since you last saw them that it nearly felt like they weren’t truly there in the first place. You feel so selfish that the only thing you can think about is yourself right now…

There is so much that you haven’t seen and till now you didn’t even think twice about what you accomplished in your life. Which was nothing…Maybe these few days are truly your last. One side is making you terrified, but the other keeps pushing you to…him.

Was he really your the lost part of your soul or just a man leading you to your death?

Though he’s death and light all in one. There is darkness around him, like a cape, but under it is a man who showed you ways to life you have never knew. He made you look at life like it was just the beginning, maybe because he died so young and such a long time ago that there wasn’t anything other than death for him. The more you spend time with him, the more you fall deeper into the darkness. It was consuming, wrong, but oh, so appetizing.

You can’t get enough of it. His cold, pale skin and bloodied eyes that should scare you, but you thought you have never seen something as mesmerizing as the way they stared into yours. In a way you two were different, but the more you two become selfish, the more you taste the forbidden fruit — the more it stained both of your souls. You are supposed to be scared of him and once you were, but you realize that it was only the fear of the unknown.

You know him, you know him well enough to see how much blind you were. Your insecurities kept pushing you away from him and even your mind, but your heart still held the reins. You hate how you are again becoming absolutely consumed by someone. But he also couldn’t get enough of you…

The night when you were peacefully asleep, mind empty and body unaware of his lingering stare, he almost lost it. He almost lost control. Hyunjin’s chest filled with panic. The tickling of the clock became unbearable. Time was slowly closing on both of you and he for the first time became scared by how much it went by. Can he really pretend to be alright? To just sit here and wonder what would happen if he would just let go and finally have you?

On him, under him, in him — he would let you crawl your way into his heart and let you squeeze it hard enough so that it would maybe started to beat again. He wants to give everything and every part of him to you, just as much as he wants for you to give yours. Everything — your touch, so warm on his freezing skin, your eyes, so bright and youthful yet so wise, your lips, so soft and careful about your words, your body, so plush and full and your soul…that he maybe never truly feel.

Every moment without you went so slow, it was agonizing, but with you? So fast…He doesn’t know if he should pull away from you and give you more time or just let be selfish…but was it even selfishness, were his deepest desires taking control over him?

You look over your own features. You could see every wrinkle, spot, even the subtle fuzz on your skin. However you can’t recognize yourself. Your eyes seem hollow to you, in a way you have never seen them before. Was the fear of dying already sucking the life out of you? You looked sick and tired, but you really couldn’t beat yourself up for it. This paranoia of someone just hiding here in this room with you was choking you. You know that no-one is, but you also thought that yesterday.

Even after sleeping almost the whole day, you felt exhausted. You didn’t have appetite for anything, asking yourself if eating was truly necessary if you maybe be gone soon. Your mind was only filled with the person you saw yesterday or as you thought you did. The more you thought about it, the more it seems to become just a fragment of your imagination. Those vibrant eyes started to shift into nothing and you really do wonder if you were just dreaming.

You were going insane, there was nothing else to say, but Hyunjin of course thought the opposite. He held your quivering body, speaking so softly into your ear and you finally felt calm at that moment for the first time. No whispers, no pain, just him. You need him and that is another thing that scares you. You don’t want to become undetachable from him, but you are already in the deep end — you won’t get out of it.

You trace over the skin of your wrist, pushing lightly into your pulse. Your skin is too thick and soft for his thin and coarse one. Your lips almost quiver, tongue vibrating just from the memory of his taste. You feel your heart jump under your fingers, checking if you didn’t turn into one of them. Your nights were starting to become the part of the day when you felt the most comfortable, maybe because it meant he would be there also — like in every corner of your mind.

You hear a knock on the door of the bedroom, however the sound almost sounded dull to your ears. Your eyes jump to your own reflection in the mirror you stood before, hands gripping tightly at the fabric of your dress. “May I come in?” Echoes around you, eyes staring at the still closed door through the mirror.

You clutch the dress tighter over your chest, feeling the cold air kissing the skin of your back. You wonder silently how much time you spend here just staring at yourself half dressed. A silence falls right after those words and you quickly go back and forth between if you should let him in and see you like this. No one ever did and will someone ever? See you in your most vulnerable — your skin, unsupported and naked for his eyes.

The taste of his blood comes back to you. How you acted while it still stained your lips…you do not feel ashamed about it. Maybe something in his blood made you act like that, but you can’t hide the fact that it was just mostly him. You can’t even imagine how it must feel like if the roles were reversed. Even being human — nothing ever felt so good…“Come in.” You whisper, shocking yourself with your boldness, but simply you can’t hold on any longer. Time is your enemy at the moment as well as your sanity.

You watch the door to the bedroom open, momentarily mesmerized by how you can’t see him entering. The door only opened halfway, no one being seen entering, but you can feel the air shifting. You can feel his stare right on your naked back and you almost shiver as the door closes slowly.

A heavy, thick blanket of silence falls over you. Your fingers twitched around the fabric in your hands, pushing it against your chest a little tighter. The sounds of the floor gives him away and with your eyes wide open you swear that you see the wood bending under his weight. You do not turn around however. Maybe because you are too scared to do so, your boldness disappearing into thin air as he comes closer to you. Your eyes close, even if you can’t see him in the first place, it was mostly just not to see yourself. How the tops of your soft breasts spill over the dark maroon fabric and your fingers, how you can just feel the rolls of skin on your back sticking out.

Momentarily you whisper a prayer, for what you don’t even know yourself. You feel him, how he stops right behind you, the soft puffs of air tickling the back of your neck. You feel his fingers at that delicate skin, playing with your soft hairs. Your hair was pulled to the side and the naked side is quickly warmed up by his breath.

He can feel your goosebumps, your every breath that passed through your bitten lips. His eyes trail over you, taking in the sight of your naked skin. Hyunjin can’t help it, but he knows you basically gave him your permission the moment you let him in. His fingers graze the side of your neck, stilling just for a second to be sure you want him to touch you. You almost didn’t even blink, staring into your own eyes, knowing you could basically feel his stare in them through the mirror. Only reaction you gave him was a sigh as if you have been waiting for him to do that.

He travels lower, pressing just a little harder against the prominent vein in your neck, before his fingers dance over your shoulder, stopping at your back. He couldn’t believe that he is being able to touch you like this, losing himself very quickly in your plush skin. It appeared so radiant next to his, but he could see the small changes. How you appeared drained of color, of life. Hyunjin even if he eagerly caressed the dip of your lower back, wonders where exactly this change of behavior appeared in you.

If he could, he would shiver, when he presses his palm on the middle of your back. Your eyes droop slightly at the feeling. He was being so delicate with you still and that maybe wasn’t exactly what you truly desired, but deep down it was what you truly needed. To be held and touched softly by the only man your heart seems to know. You always wondered what it felt like to be truly desired and maybe it is right before you. You knew what it meant to be bigger in size, but you did after a while realized that even if you are bigger, smaller, it doesn’t matter — everyone deserves to be desired and loved.

“You slept the whole day.” Hyunjin says, extending his hand, his fingers almost galloping your whole back.

You close your eyes again, breathing heavily from his touch. You silently asked yourself why you didn’t let him touch you more like this. His fingers dipping into you made you shake in excitement. Maybe you are bit exaggerating, but with him all of these things seemed more heightened. You hope that he isn’t repulsed by this sight, but you can tell by his touch that it was quite the opposite. His whole hand travels up to your shoulder blade, fingers squeezing at your skin and by it you wake up your your trance.

“Tired…” You mumble back, not really thinking about making up a better answer than that. It was simple, yet truthful. As your own hands leave you momentarily to fix up the front of the dress, you see them shaking. You are truly just a frigid little girl after all, how could you even think of being confidently in yourself like that before a man like him. Your face scrunches up for a split second at your own hurtful words and when your head falls down to possibly hide, Hyunjin only pulls you closer to his side. He turns you around softly to look at him, but your eyes remain on the cold wooden floor. “Will you help me?” You ask him, ruffling the fabric of the dress. Though you need more help than just with dressing up.

For his answer his other hand finds your body, unnecessarily dragging his fingers down your back to get to the strings of the corset, blunt nails kissing your skin. You jump forward a little as his subtle touch tickles, but also sets fire all together. You turn back around again at that, glancing at yourself in the mirror for a moment. You feel him breathing down on your neck, but still you can’t see him. You feel him pull the dress tighter, fingers subtly dancing across your skin as he goes to tighten the corset.

You wish to see him now as you carefully put your breast into the front of your dress, still being careful enough so nothing is visible. He is helping you dress up, but both of you kind of wished for the opposite. However you were too shy and nervous and he on the other hand knows that he wouldn’t be able to control himself. “I’m not looking, don’t worry.” He says, voice low and so close to your ear, you had to fight back another shiver.

You do not know if it is the corset or him, but you are fighting for air. “What if I want you to…” You whisper to yourself, mind too occupied by the memory of him from yesterday to even realize what you just said. You blankly stare at yourself, reminiscing how it felt to have your lips on — in his skin.

Hyunjin’s movements stop however at your statement. He had tied your dress just as those words left your mouth. It seems like you didn’t actually want him to hear them, but he can’t possibly ignore them. His fingers twitch, hovering over your waist. Hyunjin is completely aware of the way your eyes glaze over and he wonders if some of his blood still had some sort of hold on you.

He looks into your blown out pupils and then at your lips. The sight of his blood coating them will haunt his mind forever as well as also your sweet arousal staining the tip of his tongue. You smelled so delicious and so raw that he could taste it. His hand falls to the dip of your now covered waist. A sweet whisper of your name falls from his lips, but that sound seems to only echo around you. You look back from your own neck where you feel his cold breath to your eyes and you swear that you could see his reflecting in them.

You literally can let him right now, both of you knew that the thick tension hanging in the air will eventually break. But something’s still holding you back. You wish to have time to think about your every small move, but also if you won’t let go, you maybe will never have a chance of finally feeling his lips on yours. Why is it so hard to let him have you when it is everything you ever wanted?

You feel his hand even under the layers of clothing, not to mention his breaths ticking your neck. They were mostly intakes — intakes of your scent and you hope he doesn’t smell your troubled heart. But knowing him, he already has it memorized. You do not turn around, even if he keeps pushing you gently to glance at him. Your eyes however flicker to the glimmering plastic at the vanity next to you.

You turn to the side, looking at the pack of your unfinished cigarettes. You haven’t touched them in so long, maybe you are just in a need of one good cigarette to ease your worries. However you can’t find your appetite. Your finger traces over the graphic picture at the front of the packaging. You always didn’t put much mind into them, but now you wonder if you will end up in a worse state than a lung cancer. A hand comes from behind you, tall body hovering over yours for the hand to only fall on yours.

You are mesmerized by the size of his hand. Beautiful rings glimmer at you, but the sight of his wrist is the only thing that has your attention. It’s so interesting — there is no trace of your bite. His blood is cure yet a curse. “Did I hurt you?” You say, wondering if creatures like him can even feel such emotion.

“No, you can’t possibly.” Hyunjin he wants to say that it felt better than anything else. He can’t get it out of his head — your lips on his skin, sucking, teeth nibbling at his flesh. It should hurt, but to him it was sheer pleasure. He now fully understands how feeding from someone could be intimate…you showed him. He wishes that he could too, but when he remembers how close you were at biting at his pulse, he just can’t imagine how hard it would be for him to pull away. Maybe yesterday effect you a little too much. From your dream to him letting you drink from him. He can’t help, but think he did wrong. He wanted to make you feel better and it did in some way, but both of you can’t ignore the problem before you. Was he too much? He should’ve said what his blood does to human body, but why would he ruin the surprise?

Hyunjin is slowly overthinking just as much as you right now. He wants to be careful and caring, but being what he is, the natural urges in him win every time. Almost, now he softly touches your skin, his worries winning him over. You both know that your time together maybe be short, but also, someway you both cherish it. He wants to say that this is all of his fault. “Did I do something to hurt you?” He asks you, body touching yours. His heart aches at how cold you are, he wants to warm you up, but how?

“No…” You shake your head, tilting it to the side to look up at him finally. “You can’t possibly.” Your eyes go back and forth between his, never getting enough of his beauty.

He thinks the same about you. Even if there is obvious exhaustion in your features, your eyes held the same light as they always do. Time is a horrible thing — it makes people age, nature die, but at the end it all will blossom again. He knows that if the day comes, his whole world would be set on fire. Without you, he will never be able to exist again…nobody can save him, but you. “You are beautiful…” His face hides his emotions that are slowly eating him alive, just to revish this moment with you. Your lips lift up softly and he has to mirror it. “I have a small gift for you.” He says, his other hand finding your back again.

You suck in a sharp breath, too caught up at the feeling of his hand slowly coming to rest at the back of your neck. “A gift?” You repeat and he can tell that you are not too pleased, simply because you think that no one should be gifting you so many things. Though you are curious, watching how the hand on yours leaves you just to pull at the curtains next to you.

“Look out.” He says, pulling the fabric away, making the light of the setting sun hit your face, his body moving away slightly.

You have to squint a little, because the room is a little too dark and you feel how your skin immediately tingles by the warm light of the sun. When your eyes adjust, falling down to look below you, a gasp leaves your lips. “H-how…did you?” You are left speechless for a second, glancing at him and back at the garden. The rose bushes once red were now mostly white, eyes running over the few statures decorating the outside and you are taken by how the few red roses remained peaking out of the new ones. They are new, you only remember red ones being there and you quickly realized that he did it, just because you once said you liked them. “Oh, it’s beautiful, but why would you?”

He hears your heart skip a beat the moment you look back at him. His vibrant eyes shined in the darkness while yours are bathed in the sunlight. “Your opinions matter to me.” There’s a small pull at your eyebrows. “And I thought that a little lighter color would suit this place.” You only gaze up at him and his heart swells when he sees the tears gathering in your eyes. He hopes that he is not the cause of your pain, but the raw emotion in your eyes told him that it wasn’t pain at all — sadness and longing. Why can’t it be different? He doesn’t want to see tears in your eyes, he only wants to see you smile and laugh. Hyunjin is trying hard not to think of the future, just like you, but it is eating you both alive.

Yesterday — seeing you so exhausted and weak, made him almost break. He is getting the feeling that maybe the things that you saw should not be taken too lightly. He knows the secrets of the world, dark secrets. You looked like you weren’t even there, your soul far away and out of reach before he touched you. Maybe it really is just the fear and exhaustion playing their tricks, but the more he thought about it, the more the idea of something lingering around you became real. The dream that’s what he wants you to think, left you is a state of unconsciousness. He doesn’t see the typical light in your eyes anymore and the way you suddenly let him touch you like this…he wishes for you to not to, because it almost didn’t feel genuine. “Y/N…” His hand on your neck travels to your face, your cheeks hot to the touch.

You let him touch you, because you don’t want to think about if you didn’t. You want to know what it is like to be held in the arms of a man who would let the world burn for you. You wonder if this is all just an illusion. Was there really a bond between you two? What if he is just playing with you? None of these things that are happening can be real, right? What if this is just another dream? Like you had yesterday or maybe everything that is happening is just in your head. A vampire…you look into his eyes that flicker for just a second to the color of amber. You have to look away, shivering from just the memory.

“Let me ask you something…” The man before you listens closely, letting you move away from him simply because you stepped into the light. “Are you attracted to me just because of the bond?” This question has been swirling in your mind for quite some time. Maybe it’s stupid in some way, but you just can’t get over the fact that this is perhaps all happening by a string of feeling you can’t even see. You can’t lie that there aren’t any feelings from your side, but you have to wonder if he is feeling the same way.

His lips are parted, looking lost in thought. He is left speechless by such question. How could you think that? “Why do you think I’m only attracted to the bond?” His hand leaves the curtain, making darkness fall over you. “Y/N, the bond is only leading the way to you, it doesn’t have any influence on how I should feel about you.” He stalks closer to you again and you are left with no choice, but to press your back against the vanity.

You sigh out, feeling really stupid about even thinking such question. Your overthinking is eating you alive. Why can’t you just let yourself feel freely, you always think that things will turn for the worst. In this case of scenario — yes, though not at this very moment. Hyunjin is slipping under the gates of protection you build over your heart and you are at the moment not strong enough to do anything about it. He is so beautiful — long, dark hair, blue eyes laced with red that keep reminding you of what he truly is, lips bitten, skin like alabaster, peaking from the collar of his loose white shirt.

You don’t move away from him, letting him press you against the vanity with a hand on your waist. His body towers over yours, remembering how he already did this to you so many times and each one is more intense than the other. And different — this time it’s gentle, like the hand caressing your skin. His fingers hook under your jaw, thumb going over the side of your lips, making you part them. How can you be so foolish? He is looking at you like you hang the moon, touching you like you were a fragile piece of glass. Even if there were times where his hold was stronger, you could always taste the gentleness on your tongue.

Your hand, stabilizing your weight on the vanity, pushes the pack of cigarettes away. There are just way more tasteful things on your mind right now. Hyunjin breath fans across your lips, but he doesn’t move closer. You remember suddenly when he told that he doesn’t know if he can’t be selfish enough to have a taste, but you were. You already tasted him then why shouldn’t he? Like he could read your mind, his head tilts to the side to press his lips against the corner of your lips. You immediately gasp in shock, the touch so subtle and quick for you to fully take in, but your lips basically tingle at how close he was to you.

Your eyes are wide, staring into nothing in a complete shock. He pulls away from you too quickly, only to press his lips on your jaw next. “Why?” He asks, plump lips cold on your burning skin. “Why would you think that?” You don’t, right now you are way too busy to do so. His lips only trail over you, not pressing hard enough for his spit that is gathering in his mouth to coat you.

You breathe harder when he presses his lips lower, before they stop at where your jaw meets your neck. You feel your insides rumbling when he lets out a low hum that vibrates all the way to your ear. You didn’t even know that you are sensitive there. His nose hits your earring, the jewelry jiggling. He is waiting, just to see if he can go further and when you don’t do anything other than breathe a little harder his lips then press against the pulse in your neck. He has to inhale deeply, his hand on your waist tightening from your scent. He can feel the blood running through your veins. He is already so close to it, but he knows he can’t — not right now.

A fog falls over your mind, feeling him pull away just a little to finally kiss your neck. A sigh falls form your lips, heart hammering against your chest. No one ever other than him kissed you there and the unknown territory is somehow mind shattering. Hyunjin doesn’t stop after the first kiss, he only does it again and rougher, like he wanted to get under your skin. Your hand fists his shirt, unconsciously tilting your head to give him more room or maybe it was his hand tugging at your hair. The smacks of his lips ring in your ears, his lips mouthing at the sensitive spot behind your ear. Hyunjin is a little overwhelmed by the taste of your sweet and natural scent to realize you are starting to almost hyperventilate, but just as his lips wrap around you, sucking gently, you break into his thoughts with a loud gasp.

“I-I have never…” You shut your mouth immediately, eyes closing. You feel him pull away from you, but you are too embarrassed to look at him.

If you did, you would see a look of small knowing with a little shock. He doesn’t want to say that he knows, but the way you always react to his touch and most importantly the scent of your untouched skin and blood already told him the truth a long time ago. He doesn’t want you to think, it’s a bad thing. “It’s alright…I will not do anything you don’t want me to.” Hyunjin licks his lips, bitting down on his bottom lip till his skin breaks.

You sigh, eyes opening to look at his heaving chest. “It’s not like I don’t…want to—“ You look up at him slowly, embarrassment shining on your face. “I’m just scared I guess…”

“That you won’t like it?”

“That I will like it a little too much…”

When he gets a whiff of your arousal he almost doubles over. Yesterday — when he had you under him, it was a little different than now. Seeing you feel the same without his blood in your system — he really wonders how much more he can take further, before he decides to have you. He wonders if you know that he can smell you, maybe you are just ignoring that fact, maybe you are trying to see what he will do. And oh, how much he wants to do to you, but he has to remind himself that not now. Not when you are looking like this, he wants to have you when he is sure he will be the only thing on your mind.

The boldness in your words sometimes really does surprise you, but you can’t ignore the small tremble in your legs. You watch him take a step back and you are for a second thinking that it was because of your words, but looking closely you realize why. His head is tilted back a little and you can see his ear twitching, listening, your own too, but weak to hear anything other than your pulse. “Whats wrong?” You ask him, pushing away from the vanity a little.

Sighing, he shakes his head, giving you a small look. It’s intense however, like always and you can’t miss the flash of red in them. “The others are calling us, there are some things we should discuss.” The tone in his voice told you that it is an important matter and you are again reminded about your current situation.

────

The other residents of the house could see it. Not just your weaken state, but also those thoughts running through your head. Their faces were holding empathy for you and you somehow wish they didn’t. They only made you fear more for what is about to come and something is telling you that they knew something you don’t. You try to think about anything else at the moment, rolling your tongue in your mouth, the tangy taste of the wine still on your tastebuds. It was quiet, not too uncomfortable, but everyone waited for someone to say something. The tension was known and you for a split second flew away from it to dig in to your own thoughts.

Your eyes fall onto Hyunjin, sitting right next to you. He sat closely, chewing at his food and it look like that today it certainly didn’t come to his appeal. Your attention is on his lips and just at the sight your skin tingles. You appreciate his presence way more than you ever thought you would. Such a short amount of a time…yet you got so close. The idea of being his and him being yours, started to form into something real and it scared you so much. The plumpness wrapped around the glass filled with red wine was just moments ago on your skin. You still have to be careful about expressing your feelings, because for once you are afraid of them as much as you are afraid of how much more hightened he can feel them. With every subtle move, frown and pull at your lips, he could read you like a book.

Hyunjin looks up from the table at you, finding you already looking at him — well, more through him. He hates when you think so much. He realizes quickly that your eyes are fixed on a particular part of him and he can’t help it, but look at yours too. Stained red and pulled into your mouth from how much you are chewing on them. The sudden shift in his vision makes him glance at the blonde sitting across from him who only gives him a sort of a knowing look.

Jeongin doesn’t tease his brother, a little lost in thought as well, like the whole table to be honest. It’s hard not to eavesdrop with their heightened senses, but they do try to give you two privacy you deserve. However he can’t lie that he didn’t overhear your conversation when he passed by the corridor leading to Hyunjin’s bedroom. One thing that he has to say is that he never heard his brother speak so gently, yet with a desperate tone for a someone’s whole being. He wonders himself what it feels like, but he knows that it must hurt with all of these things happening around you. Even if they all didn’t have the time to get to know you better, because they wanted you to spend it with their brother, they could see how much honest and kind person you were. That makes this situation way more painful.

He watches how Hyunjin opens his mouth, breaking the God awful silence and finally starting the conversation that was meant to happen. “Do have any new information?” He wants to sound nonchalant, like the answer wouldn’t be the most important thing for him. He already knows the answer, because he has been the one that kept searching for one.

“No, no new trace of the attacker nor a response.” Said Chan, already done eating, playing with the empty glass in his hand. You are not so surprised by that information, because you just knew that if anything would happen Hyunjin would tell you. Or would he? You glance at him briefly, before going back to the man at the head of the table. “But we want you to know that the ball will be in two days.”

You are lost for words for a second, looking into his eyes in disbelief. So that’s the important thing that you had to know. You had to know that maybe in two days everyone, everything around you could disappear. “Two days?” You murmur, looking down at the food on your plate. Nausea is what you feel the most at the moment. The back of your throat is closing your airways, swallowing in complete fear.

Why didn’t he say anything sooner? You can’t say that you would be able to do anything about it, it’s just that you might have spend your time left a little differently. With him and completely differently you want to say. What if you didn’t pull away from him the moment he kissed your neck? What would happened if you didn’t stop him? Your fear of unknown is becoming so small compared to this one. You are afraid that you might not feel the things you wished for. Why are you such a crybaby? Are you? Or is it just a normal human reaction? There is still hope you want to say. Though the only thing you hoped for is that if you really would die, you hoped that he wouldn’t do anything stupid to prevent it. Do you care about him more than yourself right now?

Did he feel the same way about you? You glance back at him, already finding him looking at you. It’s so strange to think that somebody can feel like that about you. Can you ignore it any longer? The walls around you start to crack from the moment he found you yesterday. He was like a bright, shining light in the darkness…the darkness. You can’t remember what exactly happened the night before, it almost feels like it didn’t happen at all. It couldn’t be just a dream, it felt too real or maybe you were really just paranoid.

The man at the end of the table, the one with the sandy blonde hair and the one you already get to know a little, could tell by your eyes that you were hiding something. “Did something happen?” Minho asks you, curious and the whole table turns to look at you at that.

You feel their stares, but yours is only on his. You are a little puzzled, because with his eyes, he is telling you that he didn’t say anything about your dream. You shake your head, memories of yesterday so vivid, your head is starting to hurt from how much you are trying to remember. You only see the small flash of those eyes that you feel on your back everyday and every night. “I don’t know…I think, I saw someone.” Something, the sinister feeling is stronger with every flash of those eyes.

When you look up at the man who spoke up, you see them in his for a split second, mind already playing tricks on you. They vanish quickly, your fragment of imagination too weak, just like your muscles straining in your neck when you turn to look at the leader. “When?” He asks you, face hard and you can tell that he is taking this whole new information way too seriously. It was just a dream after all…

You lick your chapped lips, eyes going back and forth between all of them. “Yesterday—“ They straighten their backs and you instantly shake your head, looking back at the man next to you who moves just a little closer to you. “I was only sleepwalking, I think…it was just a nightmare—“ You are trying to sound like you are the one stating the truth, trying to let them see that it was nothing, but just a small dream. Yet the more you look into his ocean blue eyes, the more you sound like you trying to convince yourself.

The last word dies at the tip of your tongue, when his eyes turned darker blue. “Who did you see, Y/N?” Hyunjin’s voice is low, eyes glaring like he was looking at the said person — the creature that is haunting you.

You are quiet for a moment and you swallow hard at the thought that maybe, just maybe the things what you have seen are not to be taken lightly. Your mount is dry from the wine and also the thoughts running through your head. You can only remember the small strings of emotions the dream made you feel and those… “I didn’t see a face, only the eyes…” Your voice is quiet, the only sound in the room being your strained voice and the cracking of fire food for a moment. “It felt like it was luring me somewhere, it felt like my body wasn’t my own anymore. Firstly it showed me something terrible, but then I could only hear voices whispering to me. I couldn’t feel anything…I felt nothing. The only thing I can vaguely remember are those eyes — intense, the color of amber.” When the words left your lips the sight of said eyes seem to fade more and more in the fire.

There are small looks shared across the table, but your eyes travel to the long haired blonde, his usually soft looking face holding nothing, but a hard frown. “They say that eyes are windows to the soul.” He says, words coming from his heart-shaped lips slowly and with a meaning. “Do you think you would be able to recognize this person?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even think it was a person…” The thing you saw felt like a demon, evil staring right back at you. It didn’t have a face, there was only the mass of darkness creating an illusion of a figure. Your mind is your biggest enemy, but it did feel like it didn’t came from your own. You couldn’t make yourself feel such awful things, you mind wasn’t under your own control. Now you remember how much it hurt to be controlled, making you feel what they want you to feel and do what they want with you. “I felt terrible—“ You breathe out, face scrunching up. You only remember how you felt, but is becoming so overwhelming that you have to look away — back at him. Hyunjin’s is looking at you like yesterday and you can tell that’s what he is thinking about as well. “But then you found me…after that the dream started to fade away and now I can’t even remember exactly what I saw. I’m slowly starting to see less and less.”

“I remember what you looked like —“ Hyunjin says, taking a small breaths between, because he can perfectly remember how he find you. “You were drained of life, completely unconscious.”

“It was just a dream.” You try to object, but why are his words feeling like the truth. You remember how exhausted you were, laying there in his arms. You thought it was manly because of everything that is happening. However you realize how quickly your mood has changed, how much it was different from how you were behaving few days ago.

“Y/N.” At the sound of your name, you turn to the owner of the voice, to the dark haired man whose usual teasing and almost annoying personality has turned into nothing but concern. “Was it leading you somewhere?”

You blink at Seungmin’s question, not missing a beat with your answer. “Yes…the dungeons.” Your head tilts to Hyunjin, looking carefully at him. “But you were already there — why?”

You are met with no answer, not even a sliver of a difference in his expression. The voices around the room too loud to be considered whispers. “Why would it lead you there?” Minho wonders out loud.

You watch them talk over each other, too quickly to let you catch any words, but it was clear to you. “Are you…are you thinking that what i saw was real?” Your voice is quiet, but your question is strong enough to make them silent again.

“Not specifically.” Chan shakes his head. “Maybe someone is trying to get inside your head.”

Your mouth open, but nothing comes out when the man with puffy cheeks continues. “There are still few of them left, not a lot, but we do know where they are—“

“Witches want nothing to do with us anymore.” Says Felix. “Most are not even that powerful to corrupt someone’s mind like that.”

“If the person’s mind is in a vulnerable state…I think, they can.”

The statement is obviously meant for you and you have nothing to say to disagree with what the man in the middle said. Witches…you are still trying to get used to the existence of these creatures. You are confused by their idea, but they seem to know more than you. The only thing that is becoming clear to you is that maybe your mind really isn’t doing this to you — maybe, you are only being manipulated to feel like this. “You think a witch is doing this to me? For what?” No one knows your enemy, it literally could be anyone and that scares you.

“It is only an idea.” Hyunjin speaks your thoughts out, his hand on the table so close to yours, but you do not feel the subtle touch, only the lingering glare he gives you. “How else could someone do those things to you?” You have no answer…

“What if somebody is only hiding behind a witch?” Wonders Seungmin.

“Don’t be absurd—“ Disagrees the sandy blonde, a small frown on his face. “A witch wouldn’t side with a vampire and definitely not a werewolf.”

“We shouldn’t jump into things, we know so little. The only thing important is keeping you safe.” Chan’s words hit you a little too hard. You know that they have the best intentions, but you can’t stop thinking about the last sentence.

“It already had me twice and in my sleep.” Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes. You hope they see how much you appreciate their concern and help, but is there really any salvation for you? “There’s nothing for you to do…just promise me to keep my family safe, that’s all I care about.”

“Y/N…” Minho sighs out, the small specks of unshed tears in your eyes tug at his heart. “You are one of us and we won’t let anything happen to you—“

“Even if it means it would end you too?”

There’s no answer. You hate your emotions taking over you, but the thought of him — them sacrificing themselves for you. They promised they would keep you safe, but everyone knew that whatever is happening is too powerful for them to even catch a glimpse of. It only wants you and that’s also how it is supposed to be. You won’t let any of them do something stupid just to keep you safe — Hyunjin. If he would do something then the others would do and that’s what it wants. You can’t let it win…

Your words are harsh, you are aware, but it had to be said. You need to make them see that they shouldn’t get into danger just because of you. You known them for such short amount of time and even if they did grow on you and even if you grow on them too, there’s nothing that should make them sacrifice themselves. It would be mostly for him, for the man who is looking at you so intensely you feel the need to leave. He can’t let himself fall to his doom for a woman like you.

Your breathing becomes heavy, emotions on the highest level. Your throat is closing on you, choking you. You stand up abruptly, ignoring the stares on the back of your head when you storm out of the room. The sound of chair scraping against the ground and heavy footsteps are heard, but you don’t turn around. You are embarrassed by being so emotional, but the thought of them doing anything to prevent your possible future is horrifying. They can’t hazard with their position. With everything they build, their undead lives — if you would be able to convince him to let you go if necessary, you can prevent it. How much more do they truly feel when it is so obvious that every single one of them would stand before you?

You wish that they wouldn’t, it’s your problem, it’s you, not them, not even him. You don’t want to see him hurt, gone…He has to go on without you, he can’t die just because it would mean that you two might be together again. You can’t fight the emotion, the one you are most scared of letting out. The sound of your name echoing around you makes you pick up speed, tears gathering in your eyes from how much more desperate his tone gets, the more you grew distance between you two. He can catch up with you, but he chooses to follow you in hopes you would turn around yourself.

“Just a moment…” He hears you say over his loud voice, repeating those words again and again. He can’t let you go. He wants you to let him hold you in his arms, just a little longer. Forget about the future, he doesn’t want you to think, he wants you to stop and be with him for the rest of the time you have left. No, it’s supposed to forever.

He stops the door to his bedroom, before it can slam shut — the future is supposed to bright. You are supposed to happy, full of smiles, not like this. Not looking so defeated. There is still time, a little, but there is. He will fight for much more. The people that once took his, left him stuck in a state that he is in, are not supposed to be the ones deciding how yours will end. He hates them, every single of them…

He wraps his hand around your upper arm and even you are fighting against him, he doesn’t let go of you. It hurts a little, but not as much as looking into his sorrow filed eyes. “Please — I just need a moment to think.” You are shuttering over your words, tasting the few tears that you still have left in you. You are not even strong enough to cry, only gasping for air.

Hyunjin turns you fully around, each one his hand around you, caging you. Letting him, you quickly regret your reaction just by a look into his eyes. “No.” One word is strong enough to make you crumble, watching his eyes flickering red, only because his hold over his true form is fading away.

Why can’t you just accept it and let yourself enjoy him? But you know it would only hurt more, it would hurt more letting go. Of your friend Mia, everyone, you want to lock yourself away and just wait in hopes it would hurt less. You are such a pessimist, you always were. You always thought about how long it would take for the nice things in your life to disappear and were you wrong? The best one is right in front of you, holding you, maybe you are sabotaging yourself, but you need him to promise you one thing. That he won’t try to safe you… “I can’t do this anymore…I’m so scared and I’m so pathetic, I can’t do anything—“ You suck in breath, a small sob leaving you. Why can’t you be stronger? You need to be, but something is making you feel so weak…so far from your own hold over your body.

Your face is held in his hands, palms so cold, but burning. Hyunjin face is hard, he doesn’t want you to see him crumble too, he needs to be the strong. The sight of your tears is hurting him, he can feel your pain and suffering. “You can do anything, everything, I know it, Y/N—“

A small noise leaves the back of the throat at his sincere tone, but the thing that breaks you the most is when he pulls you to his chest and you don’t even know that he does it so you won’t see his face. Your head falls against his chest, the cries of pain dying the moment he wraps his arms around you. It’s so warm, you didn’t even realize before how much you needed him close to you like this. His thumb makes circles on your back, fingers just barely dipping into your corset. His chin falls on the top of your head, taking deep breaths with you, teaching you like you were a baby taking its first breath.

You let him hold your body and your heart for a moment. It felt too good to pull away, he made your mind quiet just by his touch. Your face is pressed against his chest. You can smell his cologne, the scent of his skin right under your nose, but you cannot hear a beating heart. Even if it can’t beat again, it’s not dead — not when he has you in his arms. He lets you move just a little to let you look up at him. “Promise me that you won’t try to stop it.” You plea, fingers scrunching up the material of his shirt. “Please, promise me that you won’t try to safe me if it happens—“

Your voice is not filled with sadness, only expectance now. You are not so afraid anymore all of sudden. Did a simple hug really helped you get over it? Can you finally let yourself be happy with him? The last tear in your eye rolls down your cheek slowly. It glimmer in the moonlight that peaked out of the closed curtains. Hyunjin looks over your features, puffy lips and eyes, your red nose and then at the last tear running down your face. His eyes, aware of those veins pumping underneath his eyelashes, follow the tear, before he leans closer to catch it with a kiss.

His kiss is harder, more meaningful than those you shared before. Hyunjin trails his lips over your face, leaving nothing, but adoration behind. You close eyes to savor this moment, counting each kiss — on your tear stained cheeks, eyelids, tickling you a little, furrowed eyebrows that fall down with his touch. “Hyunjin…” You call out to him, sighing when he moves lower, to your neck like the last time.

“Don’t, don’t think for a moment—“ It’s a plea, words bouncing off your skin. “I want you to only feel…” Goosebumps appear on your body from his whisper. Hyunjin trails wet kisses on your jaw to your neck and you for a second wonder if he is thinking the same thing.

You yourself can feel your pulse jumping, when his lips hover over it. You fall into his arms that only pull you closer, lips wrapping around your neck. You gasp sharply, grasping him by his hair, but you do not move him away from you. Both of you know the risk of him being so close to the source of your blood, but none of you stop. The way he breaths you in makes shivers go down your spine, shaking at how good it feels to have him like this. His lips are parted, sucking your skin in his mouth and the way you can feel his back muscles contract under your hand is telling you that he is using his whole might not to bite down a little harder. Hyunjin only lets his sharp teeth graze you and when a whimper falls out of your mouth he moves away.

Just a little, because he doesn’t want to let go of you that soon. The spot where his lips were on burn a little, feeling the pressure pulling at the delicate skin. You are wordless like him when he looks down at the purple spots forming on your neck. His eyes travel back to yours, now glassy from pleasure while his are wild and bloodied. You are not scared anymore and to be honest with yourself the thought of a creature like him taking over you didn’t sound to bad to you right now. “Drink from me again.” He rasps out, grasping your hand and putting it on his chest.

Gasps of air are shared when he with your hand tears the front of his shirt, too impatient to take his time to unbutton it. The tearing sound is loud, like the buttons hitting the floor, but that is not important. Your wide eyes eat up the sight of his revealed chest, hard in muscles and completely unblemished. Pure liquid fire pumps in your veins as he puts your palm on his chest. Hyunjin is breathing harder than ever by your touch, the subtle scrape of your nails on his skin creating red, long scratches that fade way quicker than he would like too, though it makes him groan, the sound making you tremble.

You don’t even ask if it’s alright with him to taste him again, because it feels like the only right thing to do at this moment. His hand covering yours, pushes away his shirt, falling from his left shoulder and you become bashful by the sight of him. His hand stops right over his nonbeating heart, before he pierces his skin with his nail. The red liquid flows down his chest, smearing over your hands and you are highly aware by how the sight of blood is making you feel something completely different from those other times.

His other hand runs through your hair, nails scraping your skull like yours his wound, opening it deeper. Your mouth falls open, looking at his vampire face and crazy eyes. Hyunjin pushes your head closer to him and you let him, pulling both of yours hands away from the fresh wound, only to be covered by your lips instead . You both are so vulnerable at the moment, the raw feeling from just your lips on each other’s skin is enough to make you mad.

Your tongue goes over the cut, hearing him moan and that makes you sigh out in pleasure as well. You run your muscle quickly over his skin, kissing hungrily like he did to your neck, before pushing into him. Hyunjin is overwhelmed by the feeling of your teeth in him, the sound of your soft sucking is enough to make him hard. It feels even better that it did yesterday and he thought that was impossible. Maybe it is the way you are not so shy about it anymore, maybe it is your quiet sounds of pleasure mixing with his — maybe it’s the intense and intoxicating smell of your arousal coming from between your legs.

Your head feels fuzzy, delirious. The taste of his blood is so addictive and it feels so good going down your throats throat. Your mind is empty again, the only thing left is him. How his fingers tug at your hair, how he sounds — so pretty and raw. You just have to look at him, catching his droopy eyes. His lips are glistening in the soft light of the room, hand traveling to yours to press it against his hard abdomen. “Don’t stop.” It comes out as rasp and you at his words pierce his skin just a little harder.

You close your eyes, mind swirling. From the taste of his blood and skin to the feeling of his muscles ripping under your hands — it’s so euphoric. You lose yourself and he does too, watching you take him so well. You look so beautiful right now, groaning in delight. You are so close to him, yet he wants just a little more. Hyunjin pushes his leg that is perfectly trapped in between your thighs just a little higher. He swears he can feel you dripping, soaking him just with the small graze of his thigh against your center. You are not even realizing your movements, unconsciously rolling your hips down on his leg to relief yourself. Hyunjin hisses at your move, grabbing handful of your hair to pull you away from his chest.

The moment your head rolls back by his move you stop moving, gasping in small embarrassment, but he is too gone. Your lips are stained with his blood, smeared over your chin and some of it rolling down your neck. He sees you trying to make an apology, but why would you apologize for such thing. He doesn’t let you, because with his hand in your hair and the other on your waist he backs you into the bed. Your eyes are wide, legs too weak to object and move away. You are now just a puppet.

The vampire’s eyes shine in the darkness, like a predator. When he swiftly turns you around so he is the one falling into the bed, he lets you take a breath. Your hands find his shoulders and even if you are a little dizzy there’s the small face of bashfulness on your face. You say his name in gasp, standing between his legs. “Let me make you feel good, Y/N.” Your lips are wide apart and something is telling you that he probably already made up the answer for you.

His hands push up the skirt of your dress to your hips and he has to moan at your smell and the sight of your plush legs. Hyunjin lets you make a decision and when there is no hint of discomfort on your face, he just pushes you down to straddle his thigh. Small whimper falls from you the moment you are on his leg, hands digging into his shoulders. Your eyes close and open, legs just a little supporting your weight and he definitely doesn’t like that. “Sit down—“ It’s a command and you don’t object, looking over his face.

The air around you is thick and hot. You watch each other for a second, enjoying the position way more than you both would like to admit. The first roll of your hips is made by him. With a hand on your waist he pushes you back and forth slowly, letting you feel the pleasure by the touch of another. You think that you have never felt like this before, the thin material of your underwear is soaked through and you just know he can feel you over the material of his pants. You try to hide yourself, your faces of pleasure, but the hand under your chin prevents you from doing so. “Hyunjin—“ You moan, just as his thumb comes to your lips.

Your clit rubs deliciously over the muscles in his leg and the sound of his name rolling out of your tongue makes him growl. You watch each other and even if you are not doing anything to him, it almost looks like he is enjoying this even more than you do. Hyunjin already lost the battle against his mask, letting you see his demon face in the darkness of the night. His hand finds his chest, stopping right over his nipple to only pierce his skin again and now you don’t need a hand to help you lean closer.

He helps you move over him, now him being the one gasping when you immediately go and wrap your lips over his nipple. You are going harder, not just with your movements, but also with your sucks. The pleasure is so intense, him falling down a little just to give you more room to feel him. Both of your hands run hungrily over your bodies. Yours run over his chest, trying to remember every dip and muscles, while his run underneath your skirt to grasp your thighs. Your skin spills over his long fingers, rings digging into you, both the pain only make it more pleasurable for you.

It’s embarrassing how quickly you feel the heat in your lower tummy. You are so sensitive right now. Not even catching yourself bitting down at his nipple, rolling the bud in your mouth. Saliva mixed with blood rolls down his chest, right down the soft, short hairs on his stomach. You catch the small drips with your fingers and you are at that pulled away from him again. Only now you are the one being swallowed up. His mouth his hot, tongue licking over the now dried blood on your neck.

It’s too much for you to keep up with, but you don’t find yourself stopping. His hand so close to your center, fingertips just barely dipping into your juices that coat your inner thighs, is making you breathe louder. Hyunjin is sharply gasping, kissing down your throat, stopping at the middle of your breasts. The rolls of your hips are so addicting, just like your scent tickling his nose. He has to get a better look at your breasts pushing against your corset, but just the sight of your skin spilling over your cleavage, makes him lean over again and catch your jiggling skin into his mouth.

“Yes—“ He moans, hearing you whimper from his mouth on you. The hand under your skirt travels to grasp handful of your ass, pushing you harder against his leg, while the other squeeze your breast that is not covered by his mouth. He is not even kissing you anymore, just drooling and sucking and when he starts to bounce you up a little on his leg, you almost lost it. “Are you close?” Hyunjin murmurs into your skin. “I can feel you soaking me — don’t stop, Y/N…” You cry out, head rolling back by the pleasure. He pulls away yet again to watch you in your full glory, wrapping his hand around your throat to make look back into his eyes. “Don’t stop — don’t stop.” He is the one pleading, moaning with you when he hears your heart jumping in your chest. He can also feel your blood boiling under his hand and when he squeezes just a little your hips still, falling apart on his thigh.

Your moan is loud, tears of pleasure gathering in your eyes. Your legs are shaking, wrapping them around his and squeezing tightly when the first wave of pleasure crushes over you. Your eyes roll into the back of your head, fingers digging into his chest as you see completely white for a split second. Hyunjin eyes are wide, trying to take everything that you give him. His nose flares at your scent, letting you fall into his awaiting chest, helping you ride out every bits of pleasure left. He breaths heavily, taking in the sweet smell of your sweat, nose burying into your hair. “More please—“ He hears you mumble and he can’t help, but laugh shortly, but when you start to move higher on his lap, he has to stop you.

“You are drunk on my blood, love, can’t give you more—“ He wants to — so badly, but he feels like he would only take advantage of you if he does. Even if you did give him your permission, he can’t have you in a state like this. He watches you pull away from his body to look up at him and at the next words and expression, he almost really loses it.

“Bite me.”

His breathing stops at your words, shaking his head by the bold move as you pull your hair away from your neck. Your eyes glazed over, reminding him that what you are feeling right now is purely coming from his blood. He has you in a tight grip, though he still feels the subtle move of your hips, trying to get closer to him. He can’t help, but look at your neck, still glistening from his spit. It looks delicious, he can’t lie about that. The thought of drinking from you crosses his mind. With his eyes, he can see your pulse hammering against the delicate skin of your neck that is already marked by his love bites. For a split second he almost leans closer to your bare neck, but the way sway in his arms, makes him pull away from his racing thoughts. “It’s my blood, it’s an aphrodisiac.” He explains, however it falls to deaf ears.

“Huh?” You frown a little when he maneuvers you to lay down on the bed and as your back meets the soft covers you have to sigh in delight.

You are trying so hard to keep your eyes open, blinking rapidly. He runs his hand over the side of your face, before pushing the hairs on your forehead away. Your skin is hot to touch and his attention moves again to those blossoming red spots on your skin. He thinks he has taken it a little too far, but the small spots look so good on you that he can’t be mad at himself. You looked happy, in a sense that you finally look peaceful enough to let him see that you won’t overthink for while again. “Rest, my love.” He hovers over your body, before planting a small kiss to your forehead. “We still have time.”

Those words are pleasure to your ears, a small subtle smile on your lips by the soft kiss he gives you. You let yourself and Hyunjin rest a little, his body falling next to you, hand clasping yours. You once again have nothing, but him on your mind and you soon realize that’s the only time when you feel at peace.

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[luvehhj]

you've got to be kidding me 😮

UNDERTONES

LEGEND 📓Release status/Rating · 🖤Pairing · 🪐Universe · 🏷️Genre/Trope · 🚨 Warnings

📜13.3K words | Approx. 1hr. read 📓One-shot, Explicit 🖤Hyunjin x (afab) Reader 🪐Perfume maker Hyunjin & Chef Reader 🏷️Romance, Smut, Hurt/Comfort(ish), Mutual Pining 🚨Reader discretion advised: Heavy mutual fantasizing, a lot of references to food and eating as sexual connotations, auditory voyeurism, public teasing, foot massage, masturbation, oral sex, unprotected sex, creampie. 📻Accompanying soundtrack 💭Reblogs & comments are always appreciated and please keep in mind they are the ultimate motivation fuel. 🍮Like my content? Consider supporting my work with a pudding!

SYNOPSIS He dedicated his life to scents. You dedicated yours to taste. Your paths were bound to cross at some point. A story of scents dissolving on tastebuds.

For any other person, there were two types of smells: pleasant and unpleasant. You would either fill your lungs with it or block your nostrils from sensing that monstrosity. 

For Hyunjin, it was not as simple as that.

Scents were no joking matter—they couldn’t simply be dubbed as ‘nice’. Nice how? What were the notes? You had your florals, your orientals, your woody, and fresh fragrances. Bad how? You had your odors, your stenches, your stinks. Scents were life changing, brain rewiring, molecule rearranging; what do you mean simply nice?

That’s why he dedicated all his life to the one thing that fascinated the daylights out of him. Perfume making.

Hyunjin’s passion for what he did was so contagious that it didn’t take very long for him to make a name for himself. He was renowned to the extent that he was working with household luxury cosmetics brands as a consultant. ‘The Alchemist of Emotions’ they would call him, and rightfully so. Yet, the fancy titles, the big checks, and his extremely good looks still didn’t prevent him from being perceived as ‘a little odd’ to the outsiders. He was never seen with anyone—no friends, no partners, nobody. Always alone. And rightfully so.

Scents were influential for Hyunjin to the extent that he made life decisions based on it. He believed everything and everyone had a distinct scent. Emotions had scents, too. Nostalgia smelled bittersweet like a piece of dark chocolate. Lust smelled like amber. Powdery. Cozy. Sensual. Envy smelled sour; almost rotten. Rage smelled like the most pungent spices were having a fight over dominance. It would make even the ones with the strongest stomachs nauseous. 

He had his heart broken once. Terribly. In his own bed. When he noticed it was his best friend panting over his moaning girlfriend, his entire room was invaded with the stench of a corpse rapidly decomposing. He wanted to puke his lungs out, but instead, he picked up the pieces of his heart and fucked off to reassemble them somewhere that didn’t have any traces of her. Or him. He learned to find solace in solitude because it meant he was immune to getting his heart broken again.

God, he loved her. He loved her so much.

That was also the reason he knew that loneliness smelled like ice. A lot of people believed ice didn’t have a scent but it wasn’t true. It smelled like frostbite. It smelled painful. It smelled like having left with nothing to lose.

Hyunjin was running a little lab called The Sixth Scents where he made custom perfumes, essential oils, and scented candles but he worked selectively—just because you walked into his lab with a wad of cash, it didn’t mean he was going to take your request. People knew that, but many of them still went there just to see him, to admire him like a piece of art, and obsess over his beauty. He got love confessions and crass offers for a good time almost on the daily. For any other person, that would be equal to an unlimited orgasm supply, but for him? Just a daily chore to cross off his to-do list.

Say no x15

The only woman that currently had a place in his life was his neighbor Mrs. Keane, an old, elegant, but incredibly nosy lady who lived on the ground floor and spent most of her day by her window peoplewatching. She had no children of her own, so Hyunjin was like the son she never had. He had a soft spot for her, too—every now and then, when he was coming home from work, Hyunjin would bring her flowers, and they would drink tea together and chat. About life, about love, about loss.

“It pains me every day that I do not have a child to marry you to, my prince boy.”

“Trust me, Mrs. Keane, it’s for the best.”

“Still,” she wiggled in her seat and wore a mischievous smile on her Scarlet Sunrise lips, “You know that sweet girl at the boutique around the corner?”

“We have talked about this, haven't we milady?” Hyunjin grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, “I’m not interested.”

He wasn’t. He wasn’t interested in anything remotely related to love. To be hurt. To die of blood loss.

He sketched a lot in his free time. They were just random doodles as a form of therapy, to empty his ever-full mind. He didn't do it intentionally—at least he thought he didn't, but they always ended up being ambiguous images. When you looked at it, you always saw more than one thing. Always. 

It would morph into something singularly concrete one day maybe, who knew. Until then, blame Gestalt.

The only thing that made him forget how lonely he was was the sounds he had been hearing lately from his upstairs neighbor. Hyunjin didn't know anybody else in the building besides Mrs. Keane, nor did he want to know, but this person served him like a ghost company. It was a woman. Alone. Her moans sounded a lot like a bedroom jam to him. A very sexy song to sleep to written over chill beats. Every time she signaled she was about to descend into ecstasy, Hyunjin stripped, laid down on his bed, and pleasured himself to the rhythm of her moans. He would sometimes edge himself for an entire hour with her, and those were the best orgasms he had. He didn’t know who she was, and neither did he want to know. He wasn’t interested in her personally because every time Hyunjin closed his eyes there was already someone there. A woman. He wasn’t able to discern her face, though.

His understanding of a soulmate was much different than the rest of the world—he was sure of it. For him, it was someone to kiss to sleep with his nose buried in the crook of her neck.  Someone to make playlists to fuck to. Someone to make his most twisted fantasies come true with plenty of aftercare and deep talks into the night. Then fuck again for another hour or so due to not being able to control the urge to have each other. Someone to make him moan as loudly as his upstairs neighbor for once. Someone to pass out on his bed with and miss in his dreams. He would make her breakfast in bed the next morning. Then he would make her cum. Maybe while having breakfast. And spend the rest of the day talking about the banalities of life, or eating ice cream off each other’s lips and fuck again. Someone to create scents after, but he would know nothing could compare to hers.

Who knew, maybe that faceless woman living behind his eyelids was actually his soulmate calling out to him somewhere through inaudible whispers.

“If you walk out that door, you’re dead to us!”

Fine. If breaking off an engagement two weeks before the wedding meant being estranged from your family for the rest of your life, so be it. To an outsider, you were a monster that didn’t even think twice before abandoning the people who conceived you. You were sick and tired of repeating yourself over and over again that this marriage was doomed to fail and that you were having second, third, and fourth thoughts about this decision. But… But how were they going to explain to people why the wedding was off? What about all those deposits paid to the vendors that they were never going to be able to collect? Didn’t you love him? If you didn’t love him, why did you say yes to him in the first place and forced your parents to meet his?!

Fine. If your happiness was less important than the technicalities, so be it.

Yeah, sure you loved him. You loved him very much at first. Until the things you fought over began to lose all sense of logic. Things like why you invited your friends for a sleepover when he was out of town. Of course he trusted you; he just didn’t trust any of your male friends. You were the one making a big deal out of little things, honestly. So what if he said he would never take you to Paris because you had been there with an ex once? That was a very normal reaction. You were the one exaggerating, so shush.

Yeah, you loved him, but once you noticed how little respect he had for you, you fell out of love. You’d think choosing inner peace over assisting your own descent into insanity was hardly a scandalous reason to embarrass your family, but what did you know? 

You had always been very abnormal about the concept of taste. It annoyed the crap out of you when people made it very obvious that they were eating to survive. Taste was not a sense, it was an experience—an experience human beings were lucky enough to enjoy every day, but most people treated food like fuel. What a goddamn blasphemy. That was the reason why you worked towards being a chef your entire life. To design gustatory experiences for people.

Fine. If your parents threatened you with cutting you off completely and not funding your dreams of owning your own restaurant anymore, so be it.

It was a Tuesday when you completed your paperwork for a loan and fucked right off to reestablish your life someplace else. Someplace away from this hell. Who were you going to bet on if you weren’t going to bet on yourself? If you died, you could at least say you died trying.

It was a Saturday when you left that town with your luggage and your lifelong friend Jia sitting in the passenger seat, a free spirit with nothing to lose and the only person who had faith in you. At first, you thought she was just tagging along for an adventure, but when you confronted her about it right before taking off that morning, she smiled and held your hand on the gear.

“That thing about you not having a family anymore?” she squeezed your hand firmly, “It’s not true.”

The Sixth Scents was exactly 550 steps away from Hyunjin’s apartment building. One morning while he was going to work, he saw something right in the middle of point A and point B—a charming little eatery that wasn’t there before. The cozy smell that emanated from the place enticed him like a hand made of smoke making a come-hither gesture. He walked towards the door that had Saudade written on it with fancy cursive letters. Someone carrying a crate full of coffee beans greeted him.

“Welcome!” the young woman chirped, “I apologize, sir, but we’re not open yet.” 

Too happy, Hyunjin thought to himself. Why so happy? There is literally nothing in this world worth being this happy over.

“Oh,” he uttered in disappointment and pointed at the crate, “Well, you seem to have coffee. I’m willing to wait for it if it’s not too much trouble.”

“What I meant was our official opening is tomorrow,” the woman with the name tag that said ‘Jia’ eyed him from head to toe with a knowing smile, “but if you’re willing to wait, then you have the honor of being our first customer. Would you like a scone with that, too?”

“I thought you said you weren’t open,” Hyunjin creased his brows in confusion.

“We’re not. The staff is having breakfast right now,” she explained further pointing at the open kitchen area behind her, “A little tasting party among ourselves.”

“Alright then. Black coffee and a scone to go, please.”

“Of course! What kind would you like?”

What kind? How many kinds of scones were there anyway? It was pastry, no? Flour, water, salt, whatevs.

“Uh– What kinds do you have?”

“We have seventeen flavors, sir. Would you like a menu?”

Seven-fucking-teen? What the hell was this, an ice cream stand?

“Can I get a recommendation instead?”

“You want an apple scone,” Jia declared firmly, “I'll brew your coffee and be right back. Please make yourself comfortable.”

Hyunjin sat down at a little table right next to the door and began to examine every single corner of the place. Whoever was responsible for the interior design did a fantastic job with it. It was sort of fancy-looking, but still intimate with warm shades of colors splashed all over the place. He made a mental note of having a meal here one day. After about five minutes, Jia came back with his order in a little doggy bag.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you,” Hyunjin got up to his feet and turned towards the door, “Hope the preparations go smoothly for your opening.”

“Aren't you going to have a taste?” Jia asked him with expectant eyes. He was surprised at the request, but did as he was asked nevertheless.

Good fucking god, what a rich aroma this cup contained. It was apparent by the scent alone. Toffee notes and dark chocolate were hugging the coffee beans. Then the scone—it was still warm. When he took his first bite from it, he broke the dough and reached the filling, which was even warmer on his tongue. He felt the sweet taste of apples and the splash of cinnamon invading all his tastebuds. When he chewed his bite, it was different. When he swallowed, it was different. When he took a sip from his coffee, it morphed into something else entirely.

What kind of witchcraft is this?

“Amazing, right?” Jia smirked at him.

Hyunjin was still in the middle of processing this orgasmic taste, so he almost didn’t hear her. When he gathered his wits again, he managed to ask:

“If you don’t mind my curiosity, which bakery are you working with?”

“We make these in-house. I mean, our chef does.”

Hyunjin glanced at the kitchen area to find a person in a chef’s uniform, but couldn’t see one.

“Please send them my compliments. Apparently, I’ve never experienced breakfast before this.”

Jia couldn’t believe what she just heard for a second. It was like you briefly walked outside and shapeshifted into this incredibly ethereal human being just to troll her because these were your words to a T.

“You have got to be kidding me,” she crossed her arms over her chest, naturally leaving Hyunjin in a state of deeper confusion.

“Excuse me?”

“Why don’t you come by for our opening tomorrow?” she cut to the chase with bells ringing in her head, “I promise you will not regret it.”

Hyunjin didn’t know why, but he had a feeling he was indeed not going to regret it. Since he had absolutely nowhere to be anyway, he accepted the impromptu invitation with a smile.

“I’d appreciate it very much if I can sit somewhere that overlooks the kitchen area.”

Jia had been building hype on social media about Saudade’s opening for quite some time with cryptic posts, Tumblr text-post memes, and well-lit photography. It was a weird mosaic to witness, but Jia swore she knew what she was doing. Who was your social media-illiterate ass to judge when the queen of interactions existed for fuck’s sake?

That was what you said to her face, but deep down you were still having doubts over the biggest decision of your life. It felt like your non-wedding day all over again.

When you started off with this thing, it seemed like everything was going to be smooth sailing, but the more obstacles you were hit with, the more you were on the brink of giving up. Finding a decent location had been a pain in the ass. You almost got your first assault charge trying to obtain an alcohol license. The renovation took longer than you estimated. You had to acquire an insufferable personality to bargain with the vendors. Thankfully, Jia was in charge of staffing and she did a fantastic job hiring decent people. She may or may not have insinuated she would haunt them for the rest of their lives if they let you down in any capacity, but hey, technicalities. 

After what seemed like the longest battle of your life, when you witnessed a full house on the fucking opening night, your jaw dropped all the way to the floor. Jia was beyond content with your reaction.

“I know right? I’m amazing”

“Remind me to never ever doubt your words again.”

She looked incredibly offended at your words, “BITCH, you said—”

“Dinner service! Everybody to their stations.”

Gentle melodies. Buzzing atmosphere. Chatter of people. Sounds of laughter rising and falling from different tables. Clinks of silverware against plates. Clinks of glasses against each other. Steam contained in the kitchen area. Fire rising. Heavy iron. Thuds of metal. A communion of delicious smells all over the place but never invading each other’s privacy.

It had only been half an hour or so—it might have been premature to call it that, but you still couldn’t help the giddiness filling your chest. This was what success looked like. It was written all over your face, and it made Jia even happier to see your efforts come to fruition. She was going to be the happiest when she could finally tell you that your soulmate indeed existed in this world and he was actually there tonight.

Around 8.30 PM, the guest of honor finally made his way into the restaurant, and the sight removed her expectant smile from her face in an instant. There was a woman standing next to him.

Fucking rookie mistake not to get that information about the possibility of a girlfriend, right? Nevertheless, he had to meet you, and if that meant Jia had to be a homewrecker, so be it. She literally wouldn’t think twice about the consequences when the subject was the happiness that seemed to love eluding you since forever.

“Welcome to Saudade,” she greeted him with a bright smile and shot death glares at the woman standing next to him, “I sincerely hope there is no one else in your party because I forgot to mention that your table is reserved for one, sir.”

“No, it’s just me.”

The woman looked at her with a petrified expression and spoke in such a tiny voice that it was barely audible in the murmur of the restaurant, “Santiago, party of two?”

“Oh,” Jia promptly changed her entire personality and grabbed a passing waitstaff by the arm, “Mr. Kim will be escorting you to your table, ma’am,” then she proceeded to guide Hyunjin to the table she strategically reserved for him, “Right this way please.”

It was a table for one that saw the kitchen area quite clearly just like he asked. Hyunjin sat down with a book in his hand as Jia filled his glass with water.

“Would you like to see a menu, or would you like to opt for the chef’s exclusive selection for tonight?”

“The latter, please,” he answered without hesitation, “Can I get an Aperol Spritz beforehand?”

While he was waiting for his drink, Hyunjin glanced at the kitchen to spot the person responsible for the apple cinnamon rhapsody, and finally saw you. Clad in your black jacket, you looked like a martial artist commanding a brigade with your fast and precise movements and the way you skillfully used different kinds of knives. Watching you cook was no different than watching a magic show. The ingredients on chopping boards disappeared into little pieces and reemerged again on plates like miniature paintings. When the waitress brought his drink, Hyunjin thanked her still unable to take his eyes off of you.

It was another story when his food arrived, though. He took his sweet time savoring every single bite while reading the book he brought with him, completely cutting off contact with the outside world. He was so engrossed in his own little bubble that it even caught your attention from the kitchen.

Who the fuck reads a book during dinner? It’s gonna get cold!

Well, some people watched stuff to indicate that they were busy, no? Hyunjin made a habit of bringing books everywhere he went, especially restaurants serving alcohol, because it made it easier to be rude to people.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“No, thank you.”

This exchange kept happening no less than four times, and Hyunjin didn’t even turn to face the different owners of the voices. He was too busy either watching you make edible art and being mesmerized out of his mind, or ingesting it. He wasn’t interested in anything else. He hadn’t been for the longest time.

But he had a raising suspicion that he had to make an exception for you very very soon.

“How did you enjoy your experience today, sir?”

“It was magnificent,” Hyunjin had a very pleased smile on his face, “Please extend my compliments to the chef. I hope they’re always this passionate about their art.”

When he got up to leave, Jia was simply convinced that she was looking at a match made in heaven. She opened the little chest she brought the check in and examined the credit card slip laying under a very generous tip.

While Hyunjin was lounging on his little balcony that evening with a glass of scotch in his hand, he contemplated the crossroads of scent and taste. How the scent dissolving on the tongue could actually give you a clue about what something tasted like. How the two senses were actually inseparable from one another. He recalled the memories of the late nights at his lab, then compared it to you creating magic with your hands with a stern face. How beautiful you were. How passionate you were. How it all showed on the plates you created.

Just fascinating. 

“Look who it is,” Jia wore a shit-eating grin upon seeing the person walking in, “Your betrothed regular.”

“Could you please stop calling him that?”

Hyunjin began coming to the restaurant every day after the opening night. In the mornings, he usually grabbed his coffee-scone combo to go, and sometimes stopped by for lunch, but he was there every dinner service without exception. He had his own designated table and an established service routine by then: an aperitif drink–usually an Aperol Spritz, alternating appetizers, the special of the day as his main course paired with a wine recommendation and a green salad, and dessert to complement his meal. After placing his orders, he would watch you intently throughout the whole thing and then bask in the little composition you prepared for him that particular evening. He always sent compliments to you and left Jia tips way more than socially acceptable standards. Not to be capitalistic or anything, but there was no harm in his future brother-in-law being loaded or whatever, right?

Well, it would have been obvious from the tips alone, but the matter of the fact was Jia took it upon herself to go full Sherlock on one Hwang Hyunjin as indicated on the credit card slip. She broke into a hysterical laughing fit when she realized what he did for a living as if the guy was written as a self-indulgent commission for you. 

“You really need to put the moves on the guy.”

“Why?”

“I’ve never seen something this beautiful in my entire life, and I can’t cockblock for you forever.”

Well, you knew. Jia might have been under the impression you weren’t already crushing pretty hard on the guy, but every time this demigod walked into the restaurant, your heart went rabid, making you live on the edge with almost-heart attacks on the daily. Part of your daily routine included dodging what could have been pretty severe work accidents because you couldn’t stop staring at him. It wasn't just about his ridiculously good looks, though, no. You couldn’t help the urge to go on a deep dive about him yourself after Jia’s incessant Hyunjin seminars, and his work just blew you away. There was something very very special about this man; you just didn't know what that was exactly because your culinary skills invaded the space where your courage gland should have been to talk to him.

You frequently watched him dine, and one thing you observed was that his lips and how he ate were very not normal. It almost looked like he was making out with the food. He didn’t drink, he stole kisses from the liquid. You had complete tunnel vision on how his Adam’s apple moved every time he gulped, and watched the way the drinks rushed down his esophagus and soothed him inside.

You thought you were making it up at first, but then one day you noticed you weren’t the only one staring.

It was a lot of stolen glances between you two. No one was saying or doing anything, but it was painfully obvious how much you both were incredibly fascinated with each other for one reason or another. Little did you know you were awakening a lot of things inside Hyunjin—a lot of things he thought he would never be capable of feeling again, but there he was, extremely turned on merely by the amount of passion you practiced your craft with, and daydreaming about the fifteen different ways he could make you cum.

He might not have been aware of it, but so did you.

“Could you extend my compliments to the chef, please?” Hyunjin made his usual request after he paid the check, “The dessert was especially exceptional tonight.”

Of course it was. You sent crème brûlée to him that night without even asking him what he would like for dessert, and that was for self-indulgent purposes he was never going to know about. You wanted to watch him break the top hard layer like he was stripping you. You wanted to watch him dip his spoon into the soft cream like he was sliding into you again after cumming inside you. You wanted to watch him lick the cream off his lips like he was actually tasting you. Being turned on to the way he experienced his food, something prepared by you, was your dirty little secret you were going to take to your grave.

God, his lips. Those perfectly shaped, full lips of his made for kissing for a lifetime…

“Actually, why don’t you extend it yourself this time?”

Courtesy of Jia’s mind games, Hyunjin’s usual table was within your earshot. She didn’t need to extend the aforementioned compliments to you because you actually heard them directly from him every single night. Yet, when you heard her suggestion, your heart almost jumped out of your chest.

Hyunjin stole a glance from your way and massively hesitated.

“She– She seems very busy. I wouldn’t want to intr—”

“Chef!”

Needless to say, your knees almost gave out. You tried to be as casual about it as you could be.

“Yes?”

Your jacket harbored all kinds of stains on them, and this was in no way the proper way to talk to this real-life prince. If you knew, you would have prepared five spare jackets to slide into, ready to be in his presence at a moment's notice.

Little did you know, he wanted you out of them, not change into something else that would hide you from him again. You were beautiful. You were so beautiful even with your creased brows when you were laser-focused. You were the sexiest when you conducted your orchestra with precise orders. Why change into something else when he had the perfect reason to see you as you were? Unabashedly you.

Hyunjin had seen you time and time again no matter from how afar, but he was utterly stunned when you approached his table. He felt his tongue getting tied and not in the way he would like to lock it on your clit until you were spent under him.

“I uh– I just– I just wanted to extend my compliments for the food.”

You were also internally yelling, but both of you were being so nonchalant about it as if this wasn’t the very first interaction with ‘the one’, as Jia called it. She was on the brink of ripping her hair out standing between you two, watching this exchange like it was the Wimbledon finals.

“Thank you. I appreciate it very much.”

Your little smile made Hyunjin implode. He witnessed these sentences fall from your lips in such slow motion that it felt like an hour-long lecture to him. He was fixated completely on the way your lips moved. How soft they looked. How moist they were. How they reminded him of velvet. How they would feel between his. How your tongue would dance inside his mouth. On his body. On his cock.

Good god, I’m about to fucking lose it because of you.

All he did was nod in an attempt to get a grip of himself and leave. Jia watched him walk out and then looked at you still pinned to your place, gawking at the nonexistent outline of Hyunjin.

“In case it wasn’t clear, I hereby declare once and for all that I ship this,” she pointed at the door and then at you, “Hard.”

Hyunjin didn’t go home that night. He found himself walking to his lab instead. He lit a scentless candle so that it absorbed whatever remains of smells were lingering in the room so that he could have a clean slate. You evoked so many things in him that he had to translate this into his own language, otherwise he was going to combust. What he ended up creating carried powdery top notes with a hint of narcotic florals as the heart. Jasmines. Could be because of the little jasmine shrub in front of the restaurant, but they reminded him of you a lot. Then the base. As sensuous as you. Faintest gourmand notes. Vanilla. The milky texture of almond butter.

This was you. You in olfactory form. Made his heart swell three times its size, filled him with something dangerously close to hope, and aroused him beyond control.

Hyunjin would like to give you this one day. He would love to give you his own essence instead to be quite frank. Cover your lips with his saliva. Cover your body with his sweat. Cover your cunt with his cum. Fuck you to sleep then fuck you awake in the middle of the night. Whisper little love confessions in your ear when you cum. Be yours. Be yours for however long you would have him.

He also wished he had an ounce of the courage required for any of that.

Then the ritual began.

Every time Hyunjin came over, you were sending him a little something on the house. He was pleasantly surprised at first, but then it became your silent greeting. You would send him something, he would look at the kitchen, smile, and nod. Every time you nodded back, he felt like you were kissing him back for his thank yous.

Hyunjin savored every single thing. If it was a little dessert, he took an entire hour to finish it. If it was a cold drink, he saved it for so long that his glass sweated to make wet rings on the table. You didn’t understand why he was doing that.

It was days and days and days until you finally gathered the courage to walk to his table one afternoon.

“Don’t wait to finish it this time, okay?”

He was so used to being absorbed in his daydreams about you that he thought he was dreaming it at first, but you were actually there. Standing right next to his table. Talking to him.

“I uh—”

“Some things are meant to be consumed quickly for the best results. You shouldn’t leave your noodles in the soup, for example.”

Hyunjin leaned back in his chair with a smile that challenged you.

“Maybe I like them soggy.”

“But that’s not the proper way to experience your food,” you pointed at the tiny straw basket you put in front of him, “Please have one.” 

It contained two mini croissants with chocolate filling. When Hyunjin took a bite from the warm pastry, the mille-feuille produced a very loud crunching sound, and some of the chocolate smeared on his lips. It took a massive amount of self-control not to jump on his mouth as if he needed another reason to make his lips more enticing. You cleared your throat and leaned into him with a smile.

“That crunch will not be there if you wait for an entire hour.”

As you were about to leave, Hyunjin held onto your wrist at the last second.

“Wait!”

The first time he touched you. The first time you felt his skin on yours. Thank goodness you were wearing a long-sleeve jacket, otherwise, it would have been mortifying if he noticed the goosebumps breaking all over your body.

Hyunjin put the matte black box laying on the chair next to him on the table.

“As a thank you.”

“Thank you?” you tilted your head, “For what?”

“These,” he looked at the little basket in front of him currently holding a single croissant, “And the steamed vegetables, and the mini quiches, and the drinks, and so much more.”

When you opened the box, you saw that in contained four items: something that looked like a two-piece stand, matches, a box of tealight candles, and a little vial filled with clear liquid.

“Let me guess,” you examined the tiny bottle, “Vanilla extract?”

“It’s actually an essence I made for you,” Hyunjin responded averting his eyes from you.

What did he mean he made for you? He made you this? Who the fuck randomly made an essence and brought it like they baked cookies? When you opened the vial and smelled the dense liquid inside, it alerted every single one of the neurons in your body.

“Oh wow!” you exclaimed, “Am I supposed to wear this?”

“It’s an atmospheric fragrance. You’re supposed to burn it,” Hyunjin pointed at the little stand in the box, “Would you like me to show you how?”

“Please.”

There was a piece of curved glass that looked like a miniature bowl to be placed on the metal ring at the top of the stand. On the bottom, there was a circular indentation for the tealight candle, and it was directly under the glass bowl.

“Just a couple of drops should suffice. It’s very strong.”

Hyunjin assembled the little burner, dripped three drops of the liquid into the bowl, and lit the tealight candle, all very ceremoniously. You watched it all with mouth agape like he was showing you a magic trick. If only you knew if you actually said that out loud, it would make Hyunjin’s head explode.

“I love this!” you brightly smiled, “Thank you very much for this gesture.”

He nodded with a smile as warm as yours. Suddenly, your eyes darted to the green salad he always had with his food. You took out an order pad and a pen, and wrote down a tip for him.

“Next time you make a green salad, chop half a green apple into it,” you ripped the paper and gave it to him, “Thank me later.”

“Thank you,” Hyunjin carefully folded the paper in half.  It made you chuckle.

“You did hear me say ‘later’, right?”

“Who knows when that will be? You’re always behind the scenes.” 

His smile grew wider and you felt your cheeks getting warmer. You hated the way he made you feel like a teenager.

“Enjoy.”

As you were retreating with small steps with the box in your hand, you heard a voice behind you again.

“Hyunjin.”

“Excuse me?”

“My name... It's– It’s Hyunjin.”

Well, you already knew that, but you never officially introduced yourselves to each other. 

“Very nice to finally put a name to the face,” you approached him to shake his hand, “Y/N.”

Hyunjin. What a pleasing name, though. You didn't even know what it meant, but you just knew he was aptly named. He was born to demand the attention of the world and be abnormally ethereal and sweep you off your feet. He wasn't born for you per se, but there was no doubt he was something extraordinary. Absolutely spellbinding. 

As you returned to the kitchen, Hyunjin was thinking about your actual notes, his eyes never off you. He wondered what you smelled like when you were aroused. When you came. What he wouldn’t give to make his very own essence from your cum and burn it in his room so that it always smelled like your base notes at any given minute of the day. Did you taste like caramel apples, as well? Did your taste also change when he savored it? When he swallowed?

When he reached his doorstep that night, Hyunjin was so caught up in these thoughts that he couldn’t really discern whether he was imagining things or if he was actually able to smell you somehow. His nostrils were invaded by strong notes coming from somewhere upstairs. He walked up a floor like he was on autopilot and knocked on the door he was drawn to. When the door opened and the powdery scent blasted on his face, a flat-out shock was spelled on Hyunjin’s face.

“Thank… you.”

“Hyunjin?”

The owner of the voice from upstairs. The sound that kept him company during his lonely nights. All this time.

It was you?

“I can’t believe this,” you looked at him with widened eyes, “What are you doing here?”

“I live downstairs actually.”

“Is it the pizza?” a man appeared right behind you, “Oh, sorry. I’ll call them, it’s been like an hour.”

Oh. Of course. Of course there was someone, wasn’t there? Someone that was currently basking in the scent that he made for you.

“I uh– I was… The scent… I could–”

“Oh damn, you could smell that?” you looked inside, “You were right I guess, it is strong, but I really love it.”

You smiled. He melted. 

“I– I should go. Sorry to interrupt your evening.”

Interrupt your evening? But he didn’t. He couldn’t. You wanted to invite him in, but would it be too presumptuous to assume that he would like to join you? Well, he was at the restaurant every day, right? You took a deep breath and jumped the gun.

“Would you li–?”

“I should go,” Hyunjin forced a smile, “Good night.”

As he disappeared down the stairs, you slowly closed the door and leaned against it. You didn’t know why there was this uneasy feeling in your chest.

Were disappointment and heartbreak different things, or just the same thing in different colors? Because they certainly smelled very similar. Like blackberries and raspberries. They were both berries at the end of the day, no?

Maybe that was why Mrs. Keane chose to brew raspberry tea for Hyunjin that day. She was the mother Hyunjin didn’t have after all.

He had stopped going to the restaurant because he was afraid he wasn’t going to be able to control himself around you anymore. He was barely able to hold it together as it was. Seeing you every day, studying you playing with different aromas had been a part of his daily routine, but insisting on keeping that would be inappropriate. Not when you had someone. Even if it killed a little part of him, it was okay. He was just having a little hard time accepting he managed to get his heart broken before anything ever happened.

“You know you’re like my son, right prince boy?”

Hyunjin woke up from his deep thoughts with Mrs. Keane’s soft voice.

“Of course I do.”

“I met a very nice young lady at the grocery store today,” she put her porcelain cup on her coffee table, “I’m thinking…”

“Mrs. Keane…”

“Give me one valid reason this time,” she protested, “You’re such a fine young man and—”

“I can’t.”

She had been pestering Hyunjin with this ‘I need to see you with a bride before I die’ thing for god knows how long since he was the closest thing she had for a son. Yet she had never been this content with the way her prince boy rejected her.

“Say, every time I bring an offer to you, you say you’re not interested. This time you said you can’t,” Mrs. Keane squinted her eyes with a knowing smile, “Why is that?”

Hyunjin played with his little spoon on the saucer, pouting like a little kid, “It’s nothing.”

“Hyunjin…”

Fine. She wanted to hear the tea? Here it was. There was this girl that ran a cute little restaurant down the street. She was great at what she did. He fell head over heels in love with her simply by watching her cook and he couldn’t stop thinking about her and he was utterly possessed by her every minute of every day so much so that he didn’t spend a single night not dreaming about her and he was cursing at his damn luck that it was impossible to have her. Christ!

“That’s the girl on the top floor, yes?”

Hyunjin was appalled at what he was hearing, “You– You know her?”

“Of course I do, my boy. I know everyone in this building,” she nudged him, seemingly very much unaffected by how agitated Hyunjin was, “You like her, don’t you? Don’t even try to deny it this time.”

He flashed a bashful smile like a pure schoolboy talking about the girl he liked from the art class, but Mrs. Keane’s shrieky cheer scared the crap out of him.

“Finally! I was running out of excuses to bring her up. Because you and her—”

She couldn’t continue any further because for some reason he looked way too sorrowful for someone finally opening his heart to love again. She held his chin gently.

“Why the shadows on your beautiful face my prince boy?”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you again, Mrs. Keane,” Hyunjin forced a smile, “but I think she’s taken.”

“Taken?” she yelled dramatically, “Since when?!”

“I saw a man at her apartment some time ago.”

“What did he look like?”

Why the fuck would Hyunjin focus on that? The one thing that didn’t completely obliterate his soul was that thanks to everything good and pure he didn’t hear you moan that night. Now that would be unbearable to witness.

“I don’t know. Medium height, brown eyes…”

“Was he particularly muscular?”

With all due respect, jesus fucking christ Mrs. Keane. So what if he was? Why point that out to him?

“I’d say so.”

Mrs. Keane was a soft-spoken woman who happened to be very graceful, so it came as a shock to Hyunjin when she actually smacked him on the head for the first time ever.

“What was that for?!”

“You’re such a bright man, but I can’t stand you being this stupid sometimes,” she tutted in utter disapproval, “That’s her cousin looking to move to this city, my dense little prince.”

Hyunjin was surprised but visibly elated at this piece of information, so much so that he couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot.

“Her cousin?”

“Yes. You would also know that if you simply asked who that was.”

“But that would be very intrusive.”

“Yet if you knew, you could ask her out.”

“But how do you know that was her cous— Mrs. Keane, please stop the smacking!”

She scooted closer to the edge of her floral print armchair and held his hands.

“Listen to me and listen to me well. I know you’re a wounded little kitten, but she’s as wounded as you are. Maybe you can groom each other’s scars better,” she caressed his cheek, “She seems perfect for you.”

“How are you so sure?”

Hyunjin thought she would argue things like life experience, being a connoisseur of human nature or an excellent judge of character, but the answer he received left no room for any kind of maybes.

“Because she can’t stop talking about you, either.”

Hyunjin’s absence in the restaurant was unbearably noticeable. There were many times you found yourself in front of his door about to knock, but something in his eyes that night burned away the microscopic amount of determination like the essence he made for you. You missed him. He wasn't yours, but suddenly losing him like that still hurt like hell. You couldn’t come up with a single reasonable excuse to see him one more time. Just once.

When the super nice lady on the ground floor randomly invited you in for tea one day, you didn’t really expect the topic of conversation to come to Hyunjin. You most certainly didn’t want to believe it when she told you not to lose hope, but it came true. When Hyunjin walked into the restaurant again one evening, you could literally feel the clouds parting, the sun shining, and the birds chirping. You simply beamed at the sight of him, hit with this acute urge to run to him and hug him and tell him that you missed him so much, but all you were able to do was faintly smile at him from afar. He had ordered his usuals, but didn’t leave this time once he finished his meal. He stayed. He stayed with his book until the last customer left. That wasn’t the only thing different that night. 

“Are you really serving mulled wine, or is the kitchen closed for the night?”

Yes, you were. You had never made mulled wine with this much care before. Hyunjin specifically asked for it, so he was sure as hell going to have the best mulled wine of his life. He could have asked you for handmade linguini and you would still gladly make it from scratch. Once you finished making it, you noticed he had moved to a little table outside. You brought his wine along with a little charcuterie board he didn’t ask for, and just as you were about to go back inside to watch him from afar, you felt Hyunjin’s hand on yours.

“Would you join me please?”

Well, was water wet? You brought a glass for yourself and sat down next to him, nervous out of your mind and incredibly worried at the possibility that he was able to hear your heartbeat.

His lab. Your restaurant. His heartbreak. Your traumas. His loneliness. Your loneliness. You talked about many things until you saw the bottom of the pitcher.

“What does it mean?” he eventually pointed at the name you chose for the restaurant. 

“It’s Portuguese,” you explained while looking at the sign, “It means an intense longing for something that is absent.”

“It’s poignantly beautiful.”

 Just like you. Like your eyes. Like your bottomless abyss of eyes I wanna keep falling in forever.

“Reminds me of soft florals and dried woods. I would name that perfume Desiderium,” Hyunjin turned to you with a fond smile, “But why name something you love after something so wistful?”

“People think it means ‘Cheers’. No one’s going to check what it actually refers to.”

“But that’s not what I asked.”

No, it wasn’t. But you didn’t really find it in you to break into a self-deprecating monologue about loss and the things you felt like you were never going to be able to experience. You did your best to try to keep it as concise as possible.

“That’s just human nature, don’t you think? We never not…” you heaved a deep sigh while holding his gaze, “...yearn for something.”

You looked at each other in silence. Looking at him for too long felt disrespectful like you needed to ask for permission to gaze at him first. When you averted your eyes, he tried to meet your eyes again with a little smile on his face, but it only got you more flustered. You attempted to change the topic instead.

“You know what pairs well with this?”

Yes, your cunt. Your tight, sweet cunt melting in my mouth. Wrapped around my cock. Squeezing my soul out of me. I could get permanently drunk on you.

“What is it?” Hyunjin asked while clearing his throat.

“Emmental and red globes,” you plucked the fruit from the bunch and held it against his lips, “Here, try it.”

His eyes didn’t leave yours as he bit into the grape. No matter how accidentally, you felt the moist texture inside his mouth for the briefest second. Meanwhile, Hyunjin got so hard over that barely-a-touch that he would cum if you so much as ghosted your hands over his painfully stiff bulge.

Touching his lips hit you like a truck. So soft. Oh god, they were just so soft. He licked them after he swallowed his bite, and you felt completely hypnotized by him. Neither of you dared to say anything. You fixated your eyes on his slightly parted lips. He fixated his eyes on yours. All he could think about was how you tasted. Would your lips also make a crunching sound like the skin of that grape if he bit into your flesh? Would your juices squirt in his mouth the same? 

“And?” you asked him expectantly.

“Incredible.”

No, he wasn’t talking about the pairing. He was talking about you.

The tension built up between you was about to crumble the entire place into a pile of debris. Your heart was beating so fast. So was his. You could actually take his pulse just by watching the throbbing vein on his neck. That begged to be kissed by you. Grazed by you. Choked by you.

You snapped out of it.

“I uh– I should… I should go clean up. I’ll be right back, then we can go home.”

You walked home together in silence. You even climbed the stairs in silence. When you reached his door, you were just supposed to say goodnight but you lingered a bit for reasons that you didn’t even know. All you could think about was his lips… 

Oh god, his fucking lips…

Hyunjin wanted to kiss you as much as you wanted to kiss him, no doubt about it. He really wanted to invite you in and open his most expensive bottle of wine for you. He wanted to sip on your scent for hours, get drunk with you on desire, and make love to you all night long until he heard you say you couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to hear you moan his name. He wanted to hear you beg for more. He wanted to make you cum over and over again until you forgot who you were. He wanted you.

But what he blurted out instead was a little different than his long-ass internal tirade.

“Do you wanna go on a date with me sometime?”

You felt your cheeks getting even more flushed, completely taken aback by his advance. He briefly thought it was a no when you just gawked at him with mouth agape.

“Unless…”

“I do!” you yelled, “I really do.”

He smiled. Smiling simply did not suit anybody else this much. Hyunjin was born to smile and turn the entire place he was smiling at into heaven-adjacent.

Because you were sure heaven itself rested in the crook of his neck.

“I’d love to take you somewhere where you don’t have to make the food,” he uttered while looking at the tips of his shoes, “Would tomorrow night be okay for you?”

You wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss you, no doubt about it. You wanted to feel those perfect full lips of his on your naked skin. You wanted to taste every inch of him, experience him as a whole, and give him the most violent orgasms of his life. You wanted to run your fingers through his silky smooth hair and pull on it when he least expected it to make him arch towards you. You wanted to hear the sounds of his pleasure induced by you. You wanted to hear him lose his whole entire shit because of you. You wanted him.

You reflected his smile back to him instead.

“It’s perfect,” you managed to find your voice in your throat, “I’m looking forward to it.”

“So do I,” he lifted his head up and finally met your eyes, “Pick you up at 7?”

“Sounds good. Good night, Hyunjin.”

“Good night, beautiful.”

That address smacked your soul into the next century so hard that you almost came all over yourself because of it. It definitely wasn’t an exaggeration because Hyunjin most probably also saw how visibly you shuddered. You bolted back to your apartment and closed the door behind you.

Your mind was crawling with him lately. Hyunjin was in all your thoughts one way or another. You thought about him first thing in the morning. You thought about him while going to work. When you made his favorites in the kitchen. When the Aperol bottle caught your attention over the bar. Going back home. In the shower.

You thought about him the most in your bed while touching yourself.

“Hyunjin…”

You always imagined him, but that night you said his name out loud for the first time. He had such a pretty name to moan. One thing you didn’t know however was that Hyunjin was able to hear you every time you started moaning in your bedroom right above his. Another thing you didn’t know was that the second he heard you pleasuring yourself, he was always masturbating with you.

“I want you. God, I want you so bad.”

What I wouldn’t give to barge into your room right now and lick you to your orgasm, beautiful.

“Please…”

Touch me. Kiss me. Make love to me.

“You… You’re so… Fuck.”

 I’ll go fucking insane if I can’t taste you. 

“Hyunjin… Please, Hyunjin!”

Please let me. I’m begging you. Just once.

That was the first time Hyunjin actually heard you moan his name, completely incredulous that he wasn’t having a fever dream, and he had never cum so hard before. It took an insane amount of edging on his part because if he kept touching himself while listening to you call out to him like that, he would have cum in five seconds.

Once you were done, you wondered what he would sound like in the sheets when you were pleasuring him. You turned around and touched the empty side of your bed, having less than zero clue he was doing the exact same thing one floor down.

“MY SHIP IS FUCKING SAILING! FINALLY!!!”

You had just informed Jia that she had full authority for one night because you had a date, and when she learned about your person of interest she almost popped a bottle of champagne.

“Jesus, woman, keep it in your pants!” you chastised her, “Seriously though, I’m pretty excited about this so maybe don’t call me unless anything’s on fire.”

“Won’t even call you if I die,” she sent you off, “Have fun!”

After finishing the preparations for the dinner service, you took off for your apartment to get ready for the night. You must have changed like five times until you were absolutely content with how you looked, and you barely made it in time when you heard the doorbell.

“Just a second!” you dashed while putting on your earrings, and when you opened the door your jaw fucking dropped. Hyunjin appeared clad in a black blazer and black pants, his usual silver rings adorning his long, slender fingers, looking like an absolute god that didn’t belong in the realm of mortals.

How was he real? How the fuck was this man real?

“Hi,” was all you managed to utter due to your throat being super dry.

Hyunjin wasn’t even able to reciprocate your greeting for a solid five seconds because he was in the middle of being blown away by you.

“Hi. Yes. Uh… Shall we?”

It was a daunting task to pick a place with good food for a chef, but Hyunjin eventually decided on a charming little restaurant by the sea. He asked for permission to pick the wine, and quite frankly, made an excellent choice. Once the initial buzz set in, the bubble of nervousness around your table popped, and you picked up where you left off the night before. It was a lot of talking and drinking and talking and drinking. You could listen to him talk for hours. You could talk about him to random passersby for hours because Hyunjin was the most mesmerizing thing. You weren’t sure if you were getting drunk on wine or him at this point. Just looking at him made you smile.

“Why scents?” you asked him after your fifth glass.

“They have very strong connections to memories,” Hyunjin explained, “One whiff and you can travel back in time. I find it utterly captivating.”

Well, I find you utterly captivating, prince.

You tried to cross your legs under the table, and when your foot touched his, he flinched in his place.

“Oh, sorry.”

“It’s uh– It’s okay.”

It would have been normally okay, but unfortunately for Hyunjin, you had noticed how thickly he gulped. Ideas. Ideas. So many ideas. 

When you instinctively ran your foot up his legs, he dropped his fork.

“Did I excite you?” you alluringly asked while tilting your head.

Yes, you did. Hyunjin was never not excited by your mere presence. One look at you and he was gone. Watching you work your magic had been his favorite pastime activity. The way you dexterously played with flavors like a gustatory virtuoso was the sexiest thing he had ever witnessed, seducing him out of his mind every single time. What was he supposed to do when he actually established physical contact with the woman of his dreams? 

He started panicking when he felt your foot run higher up his leg, reaching his thighs by then.

“Wh– What are you doing?”

“Being bold for once. White wine is my kryptonite,” then your voice faded into a whisper, “Am I getting you hard, Hyunjin?”

Why did his name sound this pretty on your lips? He closed his eyes with an exhale, and shamelessly answered your question.

“Yes.”

“Hyunjin,” you took a bite from your dessert and pointed your fork at him, “Your name is just so satisfying to utter, you know?”

When he ran his large hand on your foot under the table, he felt the straps of your heels hugging your ankle. He delicately undid it as if his fingers had minds of their own and removed the shoe, eyes locked with yours. You watched his face intently trying to figure out what he was going to do next.

“Can I be crass for a second?”

“Why, of course,” you sipped on your wine.

“I’d love to hear you scream it someday.”

Oh, he didn’t come to play, did he? That was so fucking brazen unlike his usual composure that you felt yourself clench hard.

You didn’t have to smile like that to seduce him further—Hyunjin was already buried neck-deep in the quicksand of your fantasies, but you did. You smiled at him with shadows crawling in your eyes, causing him to twitch under your foot.

“Then it might be of interest to you to know I have no problem with fucking on the first date.”

Were you always this audacious because it was such a sexy look on you. When you least expected it, you felt Hyunjin rubbing your feet under the table and instinctively closed your eyes.

“You were saying?” he asked innocently.

It shouldn’t have felt this good maybe, but the way he pressed on your pressure points was a little too delicious. You were having a hard time trying to suppress your moans, and you eventually snapped.

“Do you wanna go back home?”

Home. You said ‘home’. You didn’t say ‘my place’ or ‘your place’. He didn’t know why, but it made Hyunjin smile from ear to ear. He asked for the check, put your shoe back on, and held your hand the entire time you walked back to his apartment. Inside, it smelled like home and loneliness and frustration and heartbreak and passion. It smelled like Hyunjin. Abnormally cozy.

The stories of first kisses were uncannily similar to each other, weren’t they? The guy looks at the girl meaningfully. The girl closes her eyes, invites the guy in. The distance between them is slowly closed, and fireworks go off in the distance.

Haha, fuck that. 

The second Hyunjin closed his door, you just couldn’t restrain the urge to kiss him bubbling inside you for fucking forever, and when it finally burst, you unleashed yourself on his lips.

Good–fucking–god.

Hyunjin didn’t kiss normally. He probably didn’t know how to kiss normally. It was deep. So deep. So passionate. His mouth. His tongue. His hands. His breathing. It was threatening to escalate to a double homicide. It was threatening to take your breath away. It was threatening to rip your soul apart.

“Would you like to shower with me first?”

“Shower with you?”

“It’s not what you think,” Hyunjin’s voice was laced with slight concern, “The city tends to mask our natural scents even when we don’t wear any perfume.”

He brushed your hair behind your ears, making you shudder in the meantime.

“And I want you to be completely naked for me.”

You nodded.

He gently held your hand and led you to his bathroom. You stood in front of his sink mirror side by side under his soft yellow vanity lights, and he took out some cotton and a little bottle of makeup remover from the cabinet.

“Don’t hide from me.”

It wasn’t that makeup made you more or less beautiful—at the end of the day, it was just an attire. Just like you would dress according to the occasion. He just wanted to see you exactly as you were. When Hyunjin began removing your makeup, it felt so weirdly intimate, like something a boyfriend of at least six months would do.

Then he proceeded to undo your hair. Stripped you with unrushed movements. For every item he discarded, you rid him of something in return. Your blouse. His jacket. Your bra. His shirt. Your skirt. His pants. Your necklace. His rings. He turned the water on and walked into his glass-enclosed shower with your hands in his.

Hyunjin took a minute to take your sight in. Everything that followed felt like you were slow dancing under warm water. Fingers brushing. His lips on yours. His tongue swirling on your nipples. His wet hair sticking to his face. Lines of water paving their way on his body. You felt somehow dirtier while washing yourself in the best way possible. Hyunjin didn’t have a shower gel—he had a bar of soap instead. He rubbed it on his loofah, delicately washed you, and then rinsed the bubbles off. You felt so vulnerable under his touch for some reason.

“Is the temperature comfortable for you?”

“Mhm.”

Hyunjin turned you around and pressed your wet body against his chest. You could feel how hard he was and how he was twitching on your hips. If the warm water wasn't already rushing down both of you, you could feel how much he was leaking, too. He kept placing kisses on your neck, your shoulder, and your back, making sure his slippery tongue surpassed the wetness of the water on your skin.

“Into me, beautiful.”

You closed your eyes and leaned into his body, relishing the way he was grinding against you and caressing your breasts with one hand. When you least expected it, he brought the shower nozzle against your pussy, causing a moan to escape your lips.

“How's the pressure?”

“Hyunj–”

“Shh,” he whispered soothingly into your ear, “Just answer the question.”

You would love to if you weren’t mortified. It felt like all the effects of the wine just dissipated into thin air.

“Little more.”

Hyunjin rotated the head of the nozzle for more compression and tested it on your clit again. You flinched upon the more intense sensation.

“Now?”

“Too good.”

“Shh, shh, shh, I got you” he wrapped one hand around your waist to keep you in place, “We’ll relax you now.”

Your moans. Unadulterated eroticism. More so hearing them this up close this time no matter how much the volume was down. There was no concrete obstacle between you anymore.

“Not the same thing as your vibrator, but still good, right?”

You snapped your eyes open at his declaration and attempted to look back.

“You– You knew?”

“You didn’t think the thin walls between us could contain your moans, did you beautiful?” he kept talking in whispers to you, “Let me hear you. Properly this time.”

He increased the pressure of the water some more and brought the nozzle closer to your clit.

“Oh my fuc– Hyunjin!!!”

“Mhm. Like that,” he pecked your cheek, “Show me all your colors.”

He kept kissing your neck. Your back. Your shoulderblades. Fondled your breasts. Whispered things into your ear. You threw your hand back to his nape when he finally made you cum.

“That’s it. Let go,” he nodded to the rhythm of your convulsions against his chest, “Relaxed a little?”

“A little,” you admitted while coming down. Of course the pent-up tension of wanting him in the deepest spots of you was not going to go away with a single orgasm. 

“Not fair if all your tension is relieved at once,” Hyunjin turned you around to face him, “I need you to need me.”

Need him? How could you never not need him when he looked like that? Sounded like that? Existed like that? Infesting your mind with himself completely with just the way he looked at you?

When you looked down, you noticed he was rock hard for you, completely flushed with arousal. You never felt such an intense urge to touch something before.

“Not now,” he stopped your hand, “We have plenty of time.”

Fresh bathrobes and clean linen-scented fabric softener smell. Hyunjin unhurriedly combed your hair like he had all the time to kill in the world, and dried the excess moisture in your hair with a towel. When he was finished, he looked at you in the mirror fondly and kissed your nape. You shivered.

You weren’t used to this. You couldn’t get used to this. He wasn’t real. He was just a figment of your imagination. You couldn’t start randomly craving him. No. Just no.

Then again, it might have been a little too late for that because Hyunjin had awakened so many things inside you so far. As you walked into his room, all those urges morphed into a single entity and became impossible to ignore. He was just way too irresistible.

His lips on your nape traveled to your neck and got even wetter. Feeling his wetness on your skin was setting your body on fire. You were trying your best to be patient, but it seemed like he was trying to make you lose it as quickly as possible with his breathy kisses. It was ticklish. It was seductive. It was overwhelming. He didn’t need to seduce you any longer because you were already seduced by him since the first time you laid your eyes on him.

“You said we have plenty of time, right?”

“Of course we do, beautiful.”

You slithered your hands over the belt of his bathrobe and tugged on it.

“Then making love to you can wait a little. I need to fuck you.”

You undid his belt with one harsh pull and peeled the soft towel off of him. Hyunjin instantly responded to you by doing the same and you started devouring each other. Kisses turned into bites. Shy exhales turned into sharp hisses. Brushes of fingers turned into sinking fingertips into flesh. Adoration turned into insatiable need.

“Fuck me. Fuck me now. I’ve waited long enough.”

You had never been kissed with so much need before. It was so fucking passionate that having an orgasm to that was definitely not out of question.

“No more waiting,” Hyunjin whispered against your skin, “God, I need you so bad.”

He lifted you up and placed you on his bed, where he came to the sounds of you for countless nights. You were in complete disbelief that you were actually in his sheets. Where he slept every night. About to pleasure him for real this time.

“Your scent… Drives me fucking crazy.”

“Your taste is no different,” you spread his legs to expose him for you, “Let me.”

Hyunjin was simply the sexiest fucking thing and he reeked of someone who liked things on the freakier side. Of course one of these days you would love to blow him for an entire hour but right then was not the time. You were way too consumed with desire, and judging by how loudly he moaned when you choked on his cock, Hyunjin didn’t seem like he could keep it up for too long, either.

“Take it deeper for me, beautiful.”

Anything to get him to crumble for you like that. Anything to ascend him beyond his wildest imagination. Anything to let him know you would love him so hard he would develop an unbreakable addiction to you. Anything for him. Anything.

“So– So close. A little more.”

No, not a little more. A lot more. Hyunjin could ask for one, but you would give him ten. He deserved it. He only deserved extreme happiness and everything that came with it.

“Oh, fuck, moan for me. Louder. Louder!!!”

Making him cum felt like an out of body experience for you. Nothing could sound this provocative. Nothing could feel this inviting. This enticing. You swallowed all his load and climbed up to share his taste with him.

“This is what you taste like,” you kissed him deeply, “Make me an essence out of it, too. I want my room to smell like you.”

If Hyunjin had any more cum left inside him, he would most definitely cum again.

“Don’t– Don’t say things like that,” his voice came out as a moan, “What are you doing to me?” 

“I want your scent all over my sheets. I want to fall asleep to it. Then wake up to it,” you talked to him in soft whispers while kissing him all over, “I want to cum to it when you’re not around.”

“Fuck, kiss me. Kiss me now.”

He consumed your lips so hard that they were swollen at that point. Hyunjin intertwined his fingers in yours and descended between your legs. Finally. At long last. The one thing he was dreaming about every fucking minute of every day was right before his eyes, throbbing with a perfect sheen of gloss. You were so pent-up already that when he closed his mouth over your cunt, you knew it wasn’t going to be much longer until he snapped you.

“Fucking— Yes. Yes!!!”

Hyunjin eating your pussy was literally no different than him eating his food. With so much gusto. So much enthusiasm. Like his life depended on making you feel good. His tongue gliding on your wet folds with the laziest movements, his full lips in the middle of a very heavy makeout session with your clit to give you the deepest kiss of your life while squeezing both your hands, listening to the sounds of your pleasure, paying very close attention to your volume to know when to increase his speed and pressure. He still didn’t have the courage to say it out loud for fear of scaring you, but he was so sure of his feelings for you that it didn’t stop him from spelling ‘I love you’s on your soaked cunt with his tongue.

“Cum in my mouth, beautiful,” he punctuated his sentence with a gentle suck on your clit, “Need your taste.”

Languid licks on your clit turned into fast teases laser-focused on making you cum, and you finally drenched his lips all over. He didn’t waste a drop and once he finished drinking you, he hovered over you with hunger flashing in his darkened eyes.

“Let’s fuck.”

Hyunjin slid inside you so easily, and you wanted to die when he bottomed out. That stretch was everything you had ever imagined and more. You felt so full. So complete. Hyunjin clicked like he was the missing puzzle piece. Like he belonged there all along. Inside you. Inside your heart.

“Feel every inch of me.”

And feel him you did. He was fucking his sorrow away. He was fucking his way into your heart. He was seeping through all the cracks of your battered soul to be a permanent resident there. He was fucking you deeper in love.

“Don’t– Don’t pull out.”

His lips never left your neck as he kept fucking into you. You were incapable of controlling the urge to kiss him. You kissed him everywhere you could get your lips on. You inhaled his natural musk. You felt yourself die a little every time he whispered things into your ear. The most loving things. The filthiest things. He was buried to the hilt within you, but he still felt like he was lightyears away from you.

“Wanna make you cum again,” Hyunjin spoke as softly as possible while panting over you, “Cum all over my cock this time. Flood me.”

He rubbed your clit with his thumb fervently as he picked up his pace inside you. You were so overwhelmed. Just so overwhelmed by him.

“Look at me,” he forced you to face him, “Look into my eyes when you cum, beautiful.”

Hyunjin was incredibly beautiful especially when he was covered in a sheen of sweat like that. You were trying your utmost best not to kiss his swollen lips again because he asked you to look at him. Who would have thought? Who would have thought you’d actually be in his bed, gracing his sheets, and moaning his name under him like that? How did he get this lucky? Which country did he save in his previous life?

“Oh god, I’m– Fuck! Fuck!!!”

When he felt an excess wetness on his cock, Hyunjin let go and came so much. So fucking much. He coated you through and through like those perfect glazes you created over your desserts. 

“You’re everything,” he spoke with a muffled voice, “You’re everything, beautiful.”

What he wanted to say was you were his everything, but something was still tugging at his collar to stop him, whispering to him ‘Now is not the time’. So what, though? So what if this was your first time together? So what if you hadn’t been to five thousand dates before? Why waste all that time when he knew what he was feeling was way beyond simple infatuation? Why question everything when he knew there was nothing more he wanted than to know everything about you?

Call it being a slave to your urges or hopelessly in love, but neither of you possessed the willpower to keep your hands to yourselves. Your hands needed to be on one another at all times. Touching. Kissing. Tasting. Overloading all your senses with each other.

“Again,” you spoke against his lips, “Let’s go again.”

Your wish was his command. He could make love to you for all eternity if you asked him to. He could make you cum until your mind went numb. He could kiss you until you gasped for air, and even then he would gladly give all the oxygen in his lungs to you. Anything for you. Anything.

“Harder,” you squeezed his arms, “I can take more.”

Maybe you could, but Hyunjin most certainly could not take it anymore.

“Yes, you can. Of course, you can,” he kissed you but it felt more like a heads up, “This is where I belong. Inside you.”

Then he went off. Your moans had become way louder than before, and Hyunjin kept talking between his thrusts.

“Need… to fuck… my cum… deeper… into you…”

You wrapped your legs around him and tackled him to get on top, but Hyunjin wasn’t going to have it. He sat up, still fucking you hard from under you as he sucked on your nipples. You instinctively grabbed fistfuls of his hair and tugged on them. You didn’t expect him to like it that much, but his sharp hisses indicated that he indeed enjoyed it a little too much. When you pulled harder, he moaned louder, and you kissed him breathlessly in return.

“You’re my prince, Hyunjin,” you pressed your forehead against his, “I wanna have you all night.”

Every time you said his name, Hyunjin lost his damn mind. He turned you around to trap you under him, and held one of your legs up. You loved that angle change since it allowed him to hit that one spot, and how much you liked it was very obvious from your moans. You were trying to say something, but you couldn’t produce coherent sentences.

“You want it harder, don’t you beautiful?”

“Yes,” you clawed the sheets, “Fucking yes!”

Hyunjin threw your other leg on his shoulder and started going harder. There was a delicious pressure building inside you, and you couldn’t control your clenches anymore.

“You’re getting closer, aren’t you?” he flashed a fucked out smile, “Let go. Soak me again.”

He started going faster. The way he rubbed against your walls and grazed against that spongy texture inside you made you fucking lose it. The need. The need to make you feel good. The need to feel him in every single one of your cells. The need to die with him and then resurrect each other between one another’s lips.

You were gone. Both of you were.

“Fuck, I’m cumming. Oh, fuck Hyunj– Fuck!!!”

Hyunjin held you close as you arched towards him to ride your orgasm. He was showering you with love, with kisses, with his cum. Once he was out, he collapsed next to you to catch his breath, but the need to kiss was always there. It was never going to go away. 

You both were able to somewhat come down after some time, and when you looked at his beautiful face, you noticed that Hyunjin looked a little pensive. Like something was bothering him.

“What are you thinking about, prince?” you caressed his face.

Hyunjin looked at you with those deep doe eyes of his, and brushed your hair away from your face with his fingers.

“I miss you, beautiful,” he lovingly spoke, “I miss you even when you’re next to me.”

You were overcome with emotion. Not because of what he said, but because of how he was. Who he was. With all his shades that were far from flawless. Hyunjin didn’t live life like an average person because he wasn’t one. He lived by the things he was passionate about, little things that gave him a small but certain happiness, things that made him geek out so fucking hard. You were incredulous how anyone would be so damn blind to what a wonderful tapestry he had for a soul. He was so much more than pretty—he was emotion materialized. He was sentimentality in corporeal form. He was very abnormal about the things that fascinated him, and those were only a handful of reasons why you were head over heels for this man. He spoke to something deep inside you as much as you spoke to him. You evoked as many things in him as he evoked in you. You pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed his hair as he buried his face in your chest. He was tired. He was moved. But more importantly, after what seemed like a life sentence, he felt happy.

For any other person, there were two types of taste: pleasant and unpleasant. You would either consume the crap out of it with sheer appetite or block your tastebuds from sensing that monstrosity. But for Hyunjin, it was not as simple as that. 

Not ever since he met you.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

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[luvehhj]

coughing up the butterflies that died in my stomach when you broke my heart

–”It was draining, he thought, pretending to love you.”

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: mafia au, angst, fluff, smut

warnings: death, guns, chan’s kind of an asshole

word count: 9.7k

a/n: this is the longest shit i’ve written to date n i’m kinda super really proud of it, also sorry for the total fall out boy move i pulled with the title hhh i just like it a lots

you let out a content sigh as your boyfriend trailed his lips along your neck, biting down lightly and sucking on a sweet spot he knew by heart by now. he pulled away and admired his work before capturing your lips with his, pressing your hips down against his growing bulge and making an attempt to deepen the kiss. you pulled away from him with a giggle.

“hyunjin, i really have to go. i promised my dad i’d be up early to help him with some work stuff tomorrow.”

he pouted, “what do you even have to do? why can’t he do it himself?”

you laughed at your boyfriends clingy behavior, “i’m supposed to talk to some girls he’s considering hiring. says i’m less threatening than a tall, scary-looking old man.”

“what’s he hiring for?”

you sighed, he always did this. whenever the topic of your fathers business came up, he could never let it go.

Keep reading

[luvehhj]

lord have mercy...

cashmere and forevers (sharp edges epilogue)

{ 18+ only. minors/ageless blogs dni. ≡ masterlist ≡ series masterlist }

pairing: hyunjin x afab reader | wordcount: 11k | genre: painter au, romance, brief smut | general warnings: christmas special, events occur one year after the ending of sharp edges. ungrateful kkami (affectionate), mentions of past angst, suggestive content, fluff, sharp edges citrus brainrot, food & drinking. contains explicit sexual content, more warnings under the cut. warnings contain spoilers. thank you to everyone who has given sharp edges some love. ♡ it is mandarin season, friends. 🍊

“Goodbye Mrs. Hwang, Mr. Hwang. Thank you so much for coming over.” You wave at them as they’re making their way to the elevator. “Goodbye Kkami, too! Merry Christmas!” 

“Bye mom, bye dad!” A warm hand presses itself on the small of your back. Hyunjin leans against you, squeezing you gently against the frame of the door. His breath is warm when it touches your hair. When he speaks, you can almost feel the vibrations of his voice in your chest, like an echo of your own heartbeat. “Bye Kkami, you be a good dog, right? Don’t—” 

The small chihuahua that Mrs. Hwang is holding in her arms groans before letting out a loud bark, making Hyunjin’s parents laugh at the scene. They wave at you as the elevator doors open, and Mr. Hwang has the grace of grabbing one of Kkami’s front paws to make him wave back at Hyunjin. You wait until they’ve disappeared before closing the door of your apartment and locking it.

“Please stop laughing at me,” Hyunjin begs, wrapping you snuggly in his arms and letting you rest the side of your face in the crook of his neck. “It hurts my pride. I’ve only ever spoiled this dog, I’ve never even raised my voice at him… Why can’t he love me?”

“Maybe that’s his love language,” you suggest, looking up to place a few kisses along Hyunjin’s jaw. “The one he has for you only, you know? You’re special.”

“Shut up.” Hyunjin frames your face with his large hands and you gaze at him, at his eyes full of stars, at his wine-stained mouth. His burgundy lips curve into a soft smile as he runs his tongue on them, leaving them moist, and glossy. Inviting. “If you’re naughty, you’re not getting your present. Think about it.” 

You can hardly take your eyes off his mouth. “We did say no gifts,” you remind him. This is the first Christmas you spend as a couple, officially living in what used to be your apartment but is now yours and Hyunjin’s. “Unless you’re suggesting the gift isn’t from you… Does that mean Santa is real, then?”

The smile turns playful. “I’m saying only good girls get their Christmas presents.” Hyunjin pulls away from you before leaning right back, tilting his head as he brings his face closer to yours. His breath smells like the red wine you’ve had with the beef, rice cakes and pajeon. His breath smells like the love you have for him and it makes you drunk. 

Warmth fills you when Hyunjin’s hands move to your waist, pressing you closer to him. You bite your lip, eager to kiss him. He wants it just as much as you—this, you can see in his eyes. The color of his irises might be dark brown but they are always full of light when Hyunjin looks at you. 

You are in love with Hyunjin, and he is in love with you. So he kisses you, pressing his plush lips against yours gently as if he were afraid to hurt you. But he could never hurt you. Not like that. His mouth tastes like wine and like the mandarin cake you had for dessert. His lips are sticky with the honey glaze it was covered in. Hyunjin’s mouth is sweet, sweet, sweet. Sweeter than any dessert, than any sunset. Not cloying, not sickening. You will never have enough of him. You will never not want to drown in him, in the warmth of his body, in the smoothness of his tongue as it twirls in your mouth. You will never not love him. 

Hyunjin deepens the kiss, breathing you in. You give him your air, your love. His mouth controls yours, the scalding kisses, the wet noises of your mouths lewd enough to make you dizzy. You feel his smile against you, so you kiss him back with yours. 

A faint sigh escapes you when he pulls away for air, but the sight of his flushed cheeks would be enough to mend any scar on your soul. 

“I still can’t quite tell if you’ve been a good girl or not,” Hyunjin teases, leaving a small peck on your nose. “I think I will have to study your case a little more.” 

You giggle, heat spreading at the back of your neck and between your legs. Hyunjin must sense it because he pulls you by the waist, pressing you flush against him. You have to take a deep breath to calm down, the fluttering of your heart a little too distracting—but certainly not as much as the way Hyunjin’s hands are waltzing on your body. “We really said no gifts, Hyun, just a dinner at a nice restaurant,” you remind him as if he suffered from memory loss. “To save money.”

Hyunjin nods but shakes his head with indifference, his burgundy smile blinding you. “So you’re telling me you didn’t get me anything, angel love?” 

Hyunjin’s beauty hits you every time you lay your eyes upon him but never quite the same way. Black hair framing a face that would make angels weep. A mouth that dances. Eyes you like to get lost in, jumping to your demise in them. Tonight, he reminds you of lights through a window on a rainy day, little droplets running along the glass, diffusing the colorful lights like tiny miracles. You lick your lips just to taste him again, just a little more, taste the kiss he gave you. 

You stare at him in silence, your gaze flicking from his eyes to his mouth to the nice sweater he’s wearing to the small Christmas tree at the back of the living room. You try to come up with some excuse for the bag you’ve hidden in your side of the closet. The one decorated with pretty ribbons. The one with Hyunjin’s name on it. 

“I knew it.” Hyunjin doesn’t even need your response to know. One would say that he can read you like an open book but that’s not quite right. Hyunjin reads you the way a troubled man reads poetry. “Of course I got a gift for my girlfriend,” he adds before taking your mouth again and this time, the kiss is a little deeper.

Your back hits the wall behind you and you jump, surprised, as if you had forgotten that walls existed. As if you had forgotten that buildings existed, with floors too and ceilings and Christmas trees and dirty dishes in the sink. When Hyunjin kisses you, there is only him, and the taste of a cake you’ve baked with the Jeju mandarins he bought this morning. His hand finds your face again, cupping your cheek swiftly as if he feared you would evade him. But he had you locked in the moment he sat next to you in a painting class, and you have no wish to escape this sweet prison. 

You grab him, his shirt first then his waist, overly aware of the belt holding his jeans. You deepen the kiss and one might think you are trying to choke Hyunjin with your tongue—and one might be surprised to find out that it makes Hyunjin cum hard when you choke him with anything. 

But, once again, Hyunjin pulls away. His eyes, hooded by the hunger he only has for you, are fixated on your mouth. He bites his lip so hard you’re afraid he’ll cut it open. If he did, you would simply kiss him better, same as he would do for you. Someone could have ripped your chest open and he would kiss the wound until it was mended and healed and gone. 

“It’s a time-sensitive gift,” Hyunjin explains. From what you can feel in his jeans, he’s seriously considering giving you something else instead of the present. “Let’s go.” 

Hyunjin takes your hand in his and drags you towards the bedroom. You pass through the kitchen which is a mess of plates and pots and containers. When he senses your hesitation, he squeezes your hand tighter in his. “I’ll clean everything later, my angel. Let me give you the gift.” 

You could resist. You could insist that the saucepans need to at least soak if they’re not going to be washed now, that there are leftovers to put in the fridge. But you don’t really mind, and it’s good. It’s good to just exist with Hyunjin, not having to pretend to be the most responsible person. Recently, he had started leaving some clothes in the dryer instead of taking them out immediately. 

That day, you had needed to sit down. Your clean laundry was in the washer but you sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking at the clothes in the dryer. Hyunjin’s clothes for the most part, and some of yours. He always checked your laundry basket when he started his, so that day he had washed a few of your dark t-shirts along with his. And he had left them there before going out for drinks with Minho and Changbin. 

Once upon a time, you thought love wasn’t for you. You thought that you couldn’t love, that your heart had died after being starved for too long. Worse yet—not only had it been starved, it had been fed something foul. And the murk had run through your veins for a long while, rendering you blind to everything.

Everything except the color orange, apparently. “It’s mandarin season,” Hyunjin had told you, but he might just as well have said, “I will remind you that you have a heart and that it can love.” 

You had folded Hyunjin’s laundry and yours with tears in your eyes. The day after, Hyunjin had washed your favorite coffee mug to make sure it would be there for you in the morning. Not a single word had been spoken about it. Or about the other things. When one cooked the other’s favorite food, when one took it upon themselves to clean all the windows or buy the fancy fabric softener to make the bed sheets smell sweet and fresh. 

Once upon a time, you thought love wasn’t for you. And now you were folding your boyfriend’s laundry and he was washing your dishes and he kissed you like he was a painter and you were a canvas. Like he was paint and you were the paint brush. 

Like he was a dancer, and you were the music. 

Hyunjin kisses the top of your head when you make it to the bedroom. “Sit on the bed and close your eyes, will you, love?” His voice is soft yet blood orange. If he asked you to bash your head against the wall you would do it. If he asked you to kiss him until you both drowned into each other, you would do it. 

So you sit on the edge of the bed and close your eyes, your heart beating fast. “Hyun, while you’re at it, why don’t you get your gift too,” you suggest, suppressing a laugh. “I hid it behind the box where I keep my summer clothes.” 

Hyunjin’s laugh could heal masses and you listen to it like an experienced hiker listens to the sounds of the forest around them, finding prodigies in it. The brushing of leaves, creaking of trunks. Bird songs, animal calls. Hyunjin is the forest and the bird song all at once. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it, you really didn’t hide it that well!” You laugh with him, keeping your eyes closed. 

Hyunjin leaves the room for a few minutes. “Where did you hide the gift then?” You try to think—if it’s not in the closet, there aren’t many places it can be.

His voice answers you from the hallway—he went into the living room before making his way to the bathroom. “You can’t reach the top shelf.” He laughs again. “It was so easy to hide it.” 

You scoff. “I totally knew it was there.” But when Hyunjin returns to the bedroom, he sits next to you and kisses you so deeply that you forget your bluff. Hyunjin rarely just kisses you. Sometimes he does but it feels more like a delicate mist over a field of wildflowers. Sometimes his kisses feel like hurricanes. Sometimes they feel like warm coffee in the morning or a glass of expensive gin. 

Hyunjin lets go of your mouth. “Smell this,” he whispers into your ear. You hear something being put close to your face, so you inhale deeply. 

Nostalgia fills you at the same time as the scent fills your lungs. A rich scent, floral, reminding you of a sunrise. A familiar scent, one that you could make out anywhere.

You smile against the jasmine flowers that are tickling your skin. “Hyunjin—”

“Okay, open your eyes now.” 

Hyunjin is holding a small package wrapped in a cardboard box he painted himself. He painted jasmines on it and they are so lifelike that you can barely make out the real branch of jasmine that’s attached to the box. It has a white silk ribbon around it, tied in an elegant bow. The smell of the flowers fills you with memories of the first time Hyunjin gave you the same flower. It was the morning of the day he came back. 

Jasmines smell like sunrises and love. Just that. And not just any love—Hyunjin’s love. They smell like folded laundry and a cup of tea prepared just because he thought you wanted one. They smell like love at first sight. They smell like letters sent from Australia, like watercolors drying on skin, like Jeju mandarins. 

You take the box that Hyunjin is handing to you but you don’t open it yet. You don’t need to. The box could be empty and it would be alright. He painted the flowers on them so delicately it makes you want to cry. Even without that. Even without the box and the painted jasmines and the real flowers. You are in love with Hyunjin and he is in love with you, and it is enough. 

“Open yours first?” you suggest, blushing even harder than when he was pressing his crotch against you. “It isn’t much…” 

Hyunjin checks the time on his watch. “Okay, we have enough time.” 

“What? Where are we going?” You take the bag and give it to him. 

“Angel. You’ll find out soon.” Hyunjin shakes his head but smiles as he focuses on the bag you’ve put together for him. 

You couldn’t resist buying it when you saw it at a store—it was a simple back with a white background, decorated with two mandarins on it. One of the oranges had been split in two and the other one was intact. On that one, you had hand drawn a little face, just two dots for the eyes and a smile for its mouth. 

Hyunjin touches the face you drew, his elegant fingers tracing it gently. Your gaze trails away momentarily, making its way to his bedside table where you see the orange plushie you gave him that time. You often catch him looking at it and it never fails to make your heart flutter. 

“You really didn’t have to get me anything,” he says. “But that’s a little hypocritical of me to say that, isn’t it?” 

You let out a soft laugh. You’ve missed him. He is often at the dance school and you are often giving art classes or attending exhibits. But it’s alright. Sometimes you are already asleep when he gets home, and the sound of his shower wakes you up gently. You kiss him when he slides under the covers and pulls you against his tired body, but you know he is grateful for this tired body. His damp hair often smells like your shampoo. 

Often, he makes love to you then, the water from his hair running on your skin like tiny miracles. He whispers his scarlet love into your ear or your pussy, fucks it deep into you, he unmakes you and makes you over and over again, and you are grateful for your tired body, your filled cunt, your sore throat. You kiss Hyunjin’s neck to soothe the ache from your fingers or your teeth. You will never not love him. 

Hyunjin opens his gift excitedly, humming his favorite song of the moment. The gift is quite simple—you got him the paint brushes he had been drooling over for the past few weeks as well as fancy oil paints to go along with them, as well as his favorite hand cream, the one from Paris. You also bought him a bracelet. It was mostly silver except for the small bead of sapphire that decorated it. Two months ago, he had unfortunately broken his favorite bracelet and it couldn’t be fixed—so you just figured you could get him a new one.

“Sapphire,” Hyunjin comments. He lifts his gaze from the bracelet and he looks at the necklace around your neck, the one he gave you the same day the jasmines were delivered to your place. The chain is delicate, made of silver too, and the oval pendant had an authentic Australian sapphire on it. 

“You know the symbolism behind sapphire, don’t you?” You touch the pendant, remembering that day in the studio. How Hyunjin had danced for you, just for you, to show you that he was whole again. That day, he had said that sapphires were a synonym for eternal love. 

“Oh…” Hyunjin returns his attention to his gift and you take it from his palm to help tie it safely around his wrist. It looked stunning against his honey skin, resting on his elegant wrist bone. “It’s too much, angel love.” 

“It’s not. If you don’t like it, we—”

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, staring into your eyes, pouring orange sunsets into your soul. “I love it. Thank you so much.” He pulls you into a kiss that tastes like wine and sapphires. You kiss him back, basking in the wetness of his mouth, the luxury of his lips. “Thank you, my angel,” he says into your mouth. “I love you.” 

You kiss him with a smile. “I love you too, Hyun.” But when you try to resume the kiss, he nods and sits straight, putting the jasmine-adorned box back into your hands. 

“Your turn,” he insists. 

You undo the ribbon carefully, the cool silk reminding you of vermilion reds and making love blindly and painting blacks on a canvas. You put the flowers and ribbon aside to discover the contents of the box. 

A white envelope catches your eye and you stare at Hyunjin, puzzled. He simply invites you to open it with eager nods of his head, his long hair flowing with him. You like looking at his hair when he dances. He often dances just for you, moving his body to the sound it makes when you fuck yourself while watching him. He dances in the same way he fucks you, like he needs it to live, like he lives to dance or to make love to you. Like he had his hip fixed just so he could fuck you deeper. Like he is running away from a fire or, maybe, like he is becoming the flames. Like he will never not love you. 

The envelope contains concert tickets. Good seats, too—excellent even. And not just any tickets… You tried to get tickets for this concert but they sold out immediately as this music group might be your favorite—but they’re also excessively popular. By the time you decided you as an adult should spend this outrageous amount of money on tickets to see a concert, there were no tickets left. Except you are holding four of them in your hands right now.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” You can’t take your eyes off the pieces of paper you’re holding. “HOW DID YOU GET THIS?”

You heard Hyunjin’s smile coating his voice as the words made it out of his lips. “I’d love to say that I know a guy who knows a guy and whatnot, but really I just bought them the day they went on presale.”

“PRESALE? THAT’S SO MUCH MONEY!” 

Hyunjin giggles when he takes the tickets from your hands and presses his thumb against your lips. “We have neighbors,” he reminds you. “I know we said we should save money, okay? But I wanted today to be special for you. I wanted to make you happy.”

You look at him, at the way he beams at you. “You make me happy every day.” There’s a lump forming in your throat. “Hyunjin… Thank you so much. You’ll come with me? Please? Let’s go with Minho and Felix!” 

“Of course I’ll go with you, my angel.” Hyunjin pushes a strand of hair behind your ear. “You’re so beautiful one of the guys from the group will try to steal you away from me.” Your face turns boiling hot in a matter of milliseconds, but Hyunjin doesn’t let you look away from him. “So beautiful…” he repeats, observing you carefully, leaning closer to you. “I swear you drive me crazy.” 

Hyunjin kisses you softly, his fingers entangled in your hair, his other hand running up your thigh. 

“No one can take me away from you,” you point out. “No one. I love you, Hyunjin.”

“My angel.” He just breathes it into your mouth and you taste his words. They taste just like how jasmine flowers smell. “There’s something else in the box.” 

You do remember him saying the gift was time sensitive—but the concert is in two months, so you look at the box again. There’s something else in it, wrapped in periwinkle paper. It’s soft in your hands and you can guess it’s fabric before you’ve unwrapped it fully.

It’s a scarf. A beautiful cashmere scarf, its color a turquoise so deep you can’t believe it’s real. It’s like you’re holding a piece of the ocean, the ripples in the fabric mimicking the gentle waves of the sea, the color an exact replica of an ocean under a sunny day. It’s as soft as silk, feeling like a thousand kisses on your skin. You immediately wrap it around your neck and shoulders, letting it embrace you. 

“Oh wow, Hyun.” You caress the scarf again. “It’s so soft. And pretty.”

Hyunjin looks at you intently. “Just like you, angel love. It looks perfect on you, just as I imagined.” You had thought that he was about to kiss you, but instead Hyunjin gets up from the bed and offers you his hand to take. “Alright, we’ve gotta go now.”

“Go where?”

“Well I gave you this scarf to keep you warm. We’re going out.”

“But it’s Christmas night, where can we even go?” Still, you get up and take his hand as he guides you towards the living room. 

“Dress warmly,” he advises. As you’re zipping up your best boots, you hear a notification from Hyunjin’s phone. “The car’s here,” he tells you. “Are you ready?”

But he doesn’t need you to answer. He adjusts the cashmere scarf so that it covers you best and actually zips up your padded coat, whose dark gray color looks nice with the turquoise scarf. 

And so you leave your apartment like that, with dirty dishes in the sink and a few pancakes still in the pan, drying there. But Hyunjin holds your gloved hand as you make your way to an Uber that’s waiting for you. You try to calm your heart rate as you look at the road from the window, but you realize you’re not afraid. 

How could you be afraid? You are with Hyunjin. He has an arm around your shoulders as he makes small talk with the driver who is pointing out that it’s starting to snow a little. 

After some time, Hyunjin asks you to close your eyes again and you oblige. You trust him. You trusted him with your heart once and you never regretted that. You trust him with your life. Every time he kisses you, you hand him a piece of your soul and he hands you a piece of his, and both are safe with the other. Nothing else needs to be said. 

You can’t see but Hyunjin guides you slowly as a soft breeze caresses your face. You feel the snowflakes in it, you feel them melt on your warm cheeks. “Where are we going?” you ask, but you know he won’t tell you.

Hyunjin wraps an arm around your waist. You can see lights from behind your eyelids, but you can’t hear much. Some cars. In the distance, Christmas music, with bells and joy in every note. “Do you remember last year after I came back?” Hyunjin asks, his voice softer than the cashmere around your neck. “Do you remember the movie we watched?”

You think about it, but not for long. “Of course I remember.” You walk with Hyunjin, completely unafraid. “The winter movie, with the guy trying everything to seduce the girl and her head was so deep into her own ass that she didn’t even see that he loved her!” You couldn’t forget that movie. Or rather, you couldn’t forget the taste of the mandarins that you shared with Hyunjin as you watched it, couldn’t forget the way he had fucked you so hard on your couch just after that you had almost blacked out.

“Yes, that one.” Hyunjin stops and you stop too, the excitement alone enough to keep you warm. “Okay, wait here. Don’t move. Don’t open your eyes.” 

So you wait there. And you don’t open your eyes. The music is a little louder here and you let it remind you of good things. You let it remind you of the orange plushie and the portrait that Hyunjin gave you. He painted you from memory. That portrait is still displayed somewhere, but not in your apartment anymore—Hyunjin wanted it at the dance school. You see it every time you walk in the upstairs hallway on your way to Hyunjin’s dance studio. You see the beauty he sees in you. 

You hear Hyunjin’s voice faintly too, as well as another person's. But it doesn’t take long until he’s back.

“Angel love,” he tells you. “You can open your eyes now.” 

Hyunjin is standing in front of you, holding two pairs of ice skating shoes. His smile is bright enough to light up the whole entire world, you think, but the location you are at has adequate lighting and you make out an outdoor ice skating rink. It’s not very large, but the fence around its circle shape is decorated with amber-color string lights. 

Your heart drops in your chest—you don’t even know where to look. “Hyunjin—”

Hyunjin hands you a pair of ice skates. “You thought I forgot what we said when we watched that movie? I didn’t.” He hadn’t forgotten. And you hadn’t either, but you never thought it would be for real. It had simply left your mind somewhere between the end of the movie and the second time Hyunjin had drilled you into the couch that night. 

The movie was simple, basic, but one of the things that the guy tried to do to get the girl was to take her ice skating at night—and that had been the moment she had realized she loved him, too. Your heart was already full of love then, but you had watched the scene with endearment, commenting that it looked so romantic and so fun. 

“Next Christmas, I’ll take you ice skating,” Hyunjin had said.

And today is next Christmas and you are sitting on a wooden bench as Hyunjin helps you into your skates. He gets into his and guides you into the rink after the employee he was talking to earlier wishes you a good time and reminds the both of you that he has hot chocolate if you want some. 

You’re too stunned to speak. You haven’t skated since your teenage years and it takes you a few minutes to remember the feel of it, or maybe it’s because Hyunjin took you by surprise. There’s no one else around, just the two of you, the faint music playing somewhere and the sounds of your blades sliding on the ice. 

Hyunjin takes your two hands in his and skates backwards just so he can face you. He’s beautiful, his cheeks pink, the snowflakes in his hair. The love in his eyes, which you know is the same color as the love in yours. “I love you, my angel.” 

“I love you too, baby.” You’re skating very slowly. He guides you just as much as you guide him. “Hyunjin… this is… this is the best gift I’ve ever received.” 

He smiles and brakes gently. You’re not as comfortable as he is with the whole concept of braking and you stumble against Hyunjin a little—thankfully, you both end up against the sturdy fence before any of you can fall down.

And you laugh. And he laughs. And it’s good and easy. There are tears on your faces but you don’t know if they’re from laughing or from the overwhelming emotions taking over you. As if you were no longer in control. 

“I feel like I’m dreaming,” you admit, grateful for the little pause against the fence. Ice skating looked a lot easier in the movie than it is in real life—you’re a lot less graceful than the girl had been. 

“A good dream, I hope?” His smile is shy then—coy, almost. Hyunjin keeps your hands in his and you wish it wasn’t so cold and that you didn’t need to wear gloves. You miss his skin against yours. 

You kiss his cheek, feeling the cool snowflakes under your skin. “I can’t believe you did this for me, Hyunjin…” And it’s true. You can’t believe it. “You’re crazy.”

“I did say that you drive me crazy, angel love.” Hyunjin laughs, and it sounds like a song.

Once upon a time, you thought love wasn’t for you. You thought that your heart was dead and cold and dark. But you were wrong. And you’re grateful you were wrong.

You often think about Mrs. Yoo. You took over her painting classes and then took over more classes, too, until you had to leave your other job and work at the art studio full-time. Some days you give the regular lessons and some days you give private ones. Once in a while, you discover that Hyunjin booked an hour of private lessons. Sometimes you paint together in the art studio where you fell in love with him at first sight.

Sometimes you suck his cock dry just to hear his moans and his whimpers fill the empty room. 

But you often think about how he was put on your path. Or how you allowed him to change the atoms that make you you. Sometimes you wonder what your life would be like if he hadn’t taken the easel next to yours. If he hadn’t brought a mandarin from Jeju with him that day. 

Sometimes you wonder how it is possible for your heart to love this easily, never wanting anything in return. Sometimes you wonder how it is possible that you just love and that it is enough. The easiest, the purest kind of love. Sometimes love looks like a Jeju mandarin. Sometimes love looks like going away and adding another crescent-shaped scar on our body just to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror. Sometimes love looks like a white silk ribbon and watercolor bruises. Sometimes love looks like a ripe peach, like peeling a persimmon for someone else even though we don’t like the taste of them.

Sometimes love looks like snowflakes melting in black hair, like a burgundy mouth, like turquoise cashmere. But to you, love just looks like Hyunjin. 

“I came here to tell you something,” he says after a while. “Something important. You might want to break up with me, actually.”

You think he’s joking—surely he’s joking—but one look at his face reveals that he, in fact, is not joking. Not at all. Hyunjin has turned to face you and is staring at you with a very serious expression on his face. 

Your thoughts run well ahead of you, evading you like water through your fingers. Tell you something? That would make you break up with him?

Has he cheated on you? Why would he rent a whole fucking ice skating rink to tell you that he’s cheating? Why would he do that on Christmas night after you’ve had a very nice dinner with his parents? Why? Why would he cheat on you, and with who?

The words spill from your lips before you can stop them. “Are you seeing someone else?” Your voice is shaking. “Hyunjin? Tell me please.”

“No, god, NO!” Hyunjin buries his face into his hands. When he gets out of there, he’s red all over and panic has set in his eyes. “Never, my love. Never. I love you, only you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. That’s… that’s what I want to talk about.”

Your heart seems to have processed Hyunjin’s words—it calmed down in your chest a little, but there are still a few tears threatening to roll down your cheeks and your mind is still running marathons. 

“But I did lie to you,” Hyunjin goes on, “the night I confessed my feelings to you. I gave you a rose and I told you it came with a label that said…” Hyunjin paused, hesitating.

You finished his sentence for him. “That one light pink rose meant love at first sight.”

“Yes.” Hyunjin gulped thickly. “I lied. I’m sorry. There was no label. I just bought the rose to confess my love and when the time came I… I got scared and…”

You stare at Hyunjin as if he is speaking another language. As if you can’t understand what he’s saying. Except you understand very well—your mind stops in its tracks, millimeters away from crashing into a brick wall. 

“There was no label with the rose?” You feel a strange sensation in your chest, something that you think you recognize but something you’re not sure belongs there right now. “You made that up?” 

Hyunjin nods slowly. “Yes. I’m sorry, angel.”

“What about the sapphire? On the necklace?” You suddenly become aware of the silver ring around your neck, protected by your cashmere scarf. “Was that made up too?” 

Hyunjin bites his lip. “Not really. Actually, I took the information from the rings section, so I don’t know if it applies to necklaces too… I mean it’s not as made up as the rose one, for sure.” 

And then you know with certainty what the sensation in your chest is when a few ugly cackles escape your throat before you burst out in a hysterical fit of laughter. You laugh so hard that the tears do roll on your cheeks, only not for the dramatic reason they had been brought into your eyes in the first place. You laugh so hard that you slide against the fence behind you, finding yourself on your knees, on the ice, a hand on your stomach. You laugh so hard it hurts. 

“Angel,” Hyunjin says but you barely hear him. “Angel, are you… are you okay? I’m sorry I lied, I loved you the moment I saw you, I—”

“YOU SCARED THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF ME, HWANG HYUNJIN—” You manage to speak most of the sentence with the little oxygen that is left in your lungs. You take a few deep breaths, always interrupted by more laughter. “Don’t ever do this to me again! I thought you were having an affair or something!” 

The ice is cold against your knees but you don’t mind it. Still, Hyunjin helps you up and looks you right in the eyes. “You’re not mad at me? Because I lied?”

“Are you kidding me?” You take off your gloves, shoving them into your pockets—to hell with cold. You brush your fingers in Hyunjin’s hair, trace his jawline with your index. “Hyunjin, that’s one of the most adorable things I’ve ever heard.” 

Hyunjin lets out a long sigh, relieved. He pulls you against him, kissing the top of your head over and over. “Thank god,” he manages between kisses. “I couldn’t live with myself knowing I had lied to you… Not knowing if your feelings might not have been the same if…”

“Hyunjin, do you really think my feelings for you are based on a hypothetical label that hypothetically came with a rose you bought me? Did you forget that you also bought chocolate cake for me on that same trip to the store? And a toothbrush because you wanted me to spend the night. And condoms. You can’t be serious right now. Rethinking our whole relationship… because you panicked when you confessed?” 

You felt so warm inside. Like on the first day of spring after a cold summer. Like after a glass of wine, or after a shower. Sometimes, you get out of the shower only to find that Hyunjin drew something in the condensation on the mirror. Sometimes he draws a heart, or he writes ‘I love you’. One day, you found a whole scenery with a river and mountains in the mirror. That picture is still your phone background. 

“Now I feel like an idiot.” But Hyunjin is smiling so wide that you see his teeth. He looks like an angel in the amber light of the skating rink. He looks like a promise, like a blessing. But not like an idiot. “You really don’t mind? You still love me?”

You sigh but still kiss him, playing with his lips, with his tongue, just a few instants. He is the best kind of drug, but you can’t go long without tasting his mouth. “Hyunjin, I fell in love with you when you sat down next to me and you told me that it was mandarin season. I don’t care about the label on the rose, and I don’t care that you took your information on sapphire necklaces in the rings section. I love you, okay?”

“My angel.” Hyunjin kisses you again, the act warming up your whole body. He never just kisses you. He always, always does so mindfully, like he is trying to communicate something and his kisses are a form of sign language. “Angel love.” It’s all he says, and it’s all he has to say. You do not need a code to understand him. 

You are in love with Hyunjin, and he is in love with you. He rearranged your atoms, he restarted your dead heart, he made it so that it had never really been dead. As if it was all worth it. Because it was. One night, as he collapsed against you, spent, the both of you covered in a film of sweat, he had told you, “I’m grateful I got hit by a car. I’m glad the surgery didn’t work and that it broke me. I’m glad I needed the painting classes to stay alive. It was so that I could meet you. I would do it over and over again just to meet you once more.” 

It does not matter. The label on the rose, the label on the necklace. It does not matter as long as you get to live in a world where you can love him.

Hyunjin pulls away from the fence and drags you around for another lap around the rink. You skate with him in the quiet of the night, your hand in his. His other one disappears into the pocket of his coat and he fumbles around for a few seconds before pulling out a mandarin from his pocket. 

“Want some?” But he doesn’t wait until taking off his gloves and peeling the mandarin. You take the peels from him before they can fall on the ice and he turns around, offering you his other pocket for you to dispose of the peels. As your hand slides into the pocket, Hyunjin pushes a piece of the mandarin between your lips, and everything changes. 

First, you realize it is a real mandarin from Jeju—of course. Hyunjin wouldn’t settle for anything less. He’ll pass on other citrus, choosing to indulge in the absolute best only. The juice from the mandarin fills your mouth, coating your lips as you bite into it. It tastes like love.

It tastes like the ring in the pocket of Hyunjin’s coat.

You make eye contact with him, your hand still in the pocket, the peels from the mandarin surrounding the small piece of metal that your fingers brushed against. 

Hyunjin is smiling. A soft smile. A smile full of emotion. “Take it, angel love. It’s there for you.” 

Your hand is shaking but you manage to retrieve the ring and pull it out from his pocket. It sits in your palm. Gold, like the lights all around you. It has a slight curve where the orange stones are located. They shine brighter than the sun. This is a ring, you tell yourself. Just a ring. It feels light and yet it is heavy, heavy, heavy. 

Hyunjin takes the ring from you, holding it between his two fingers. “I loved you the moment I saw you,” he starts, his voice shaking just as much as your whole body is. His eyes are hopeful, though. He is handsome. “I saw you before you saw me, you know?” This was the first time you ever hear of that, but you listen, your gaze dancing between his eyes, his pretty lips, the gold and citrine ring he holds. “I was terrified of sitting with you. You were so beautiful… The way your hair fell on your shoulders, and how you placed all of your supplies. The colors of paint that you had with you. I loved you then. And I haven’t stopped loving you since.” 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, his free hand reaching for your face. It is surprisingly warm. Like he is the sun, like he is warmth reincarnated. Like you will never feel the cold again once in your life, like you will not live another overcast day ever again. “You can think about it and you don’t have to say yes. But I bought this ring when I was in Australia. I’ve kept it ever since. It doesn’t mean anything. I chose it because I knew you’d like the colors on it. I will never not love you and I’d like to marry you someday. I want to give you all of my forevers.”

Love at first sight? What about it? 

Love is extensive. In the fabric of spacetime, love is everywhere at every moment, permeating each and every atom of everything. To some, this is a tragedy—how can they keep going knowing that even their worst moments were saturated with love, even invisible? There is comfort in darkness. There is comfort in thinking that they were alone, loveless, while they were prisoners of their own hearts, their own minds. 

But it is false. It’s false. 

Love at first sight is a man-made concept just as much as it is a beautiful disaster created by the energies of the universe. One might believe that a love that strikes at first sight is shallow, untrue. One might believe that love at first sight isn’t legitimate, that it can’t exist in the first place. 

Once upon a time, you were that person. And then you were proven wrong. Love at first sight is real and it turns out it is the kind of love that sticks to you. The kind of love that nothing can wash away, not distance, not sorrow, not the passage of time. Turns out it is the kind of love that only goes one way—it does not recede. It only grows deeper, stronger, and more beautiful. 

It is mandarin season. You are in love with Hyunjin and he is in love with you. And it is enough. 

“Yes,” you say, but it’s just a breath, and it escapes your mouth in a cloud of condensation. You realize you did not produce a sound at all. You breathe deeply, your lip quivering, your eyes anchored to Hyunjin’s. Your mouth tastes like mandarins, like love, when you speak. “Yes, yes, I want to marry you too. I love you.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes fill up with tears. He looks down at his feet almost as if he hadn’t expected this. “Are you sure?” he asks, staring at you once again. The tears in his eyes are tiny miracles or grand promises. “Are you really sure, my angel? You really want to be my wife?”

“Yes I’m sure, Hyunjin.” He tilts his head, his eyes stuck on your mouth. “I want you to be my husband.” You’re crying, and he is too. This is the purest kind of love. “I will never not love you.

“I will never not love you. My angel.” 

When Hyunjin kisses you, the earth doesn’t shake. The ground doesn’t split open into a rift, the stars do not fall from the sky. It’s just snowflakes, lazily twirling in the air as Hyunjin envelops your soul, as he kisses you with his wet, open mouth, humming and moaning into you. The peeled citrus is long forgotten, fallen on the ice of the rink where it will freeze. But you kiss Hyunjin’s mandarin mouth with urgency and he kisses yours with purpose. When Hyunjin kisses you, the world doesn’t end, but your heart is a volcano. Your heart is a forest fire, an ocean, an atomic bomb. Your heart is Hyunjin’s, and it is alive. 

When he breaks the kiss, Hyunjin presses his forehead against yours. He’s smiling uncontrollably, giggling sometimes, sometimes letting out a faint sob—it’s a mess, but you’re the same. He pulls you into his arms, holding you tight. You wish it weren’t so cold, that you were naked, that you felt him against your body, his soul dancing sins into yours. 

You never want to be without him. And, turns out, he never wants to be without you. 

Delicately, Hyunjin takes your hand in his to slide the ring on your ring finger. You both stand in the cold, staring at that sight. And what a sight it is. Once upon a time, you thought love wasn’t for you. But you had become it. You had become love itself. 

Nothing else needs to be said. 

Hyunjin seems to interpret your shaking as you being cold when really, you are simply overcome with emotion. Still, you let him take you towards the gate, then out of the rink. You help each other get rid of the skates and return them to the kind employee. Technicalities. It is cold, the wind growing harsher, but you don’t feel it, you just feel Hyunjin, his hand in yours, his eyes on you, his mouth on you. You wait for another car to come pick you up, and you make out on the back seat like horny teenagers. 

You cried when Hyunjin left his laundry in the dryer instead of folding it. You cried because that day, he finally allowed you to feel the weight of him in your life. Tangible, real. The small burden of folding laundry. The small burden of helping you write your two weeks' notice when you quit your job. The small burden of washing your forgotten dishes. The small burden of holding him and whispering comforting words into his ears when he, sometimes, wakes up in the middle of the night after a bad dream. He still gets those once in a while. Sometimes his brain short-circuits a little. But only a little. And you don’t love him any less. The burden of it, the beautiful, lovely weight of Hyunjin in your life. The colors of his soul. The sounds his lips make when he eats or when he kisses you. The love he draws on the bathroom mirror while you’re showering. Hyunjin’s weight on your body, Hyunjin’s cock, his voice, his eyes, his hands. Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. 

That night, you clean up the apartment together. Hyunjin washes the dishes while you gather everything and declutter the kitchen. He always offers to wash the dishes but that night, he says it’s because he doesn’t want you to take the ring off. Not now.

“I like the way it looks on you,” he says, his hands disappearing into the soapy water of the sink. 

You hug him from behind, raising yourself on your toes to kiss the back of his neck. He smells like himself and like outside air. “I bet it’ll look good with your cock, baby.” 

Hyunjin doesn’t answer right away, but you feel him take a deep breath. “I think so too, angel love.” For the rest of your life, you will be Hyunjin’s and he will be yours, but you don’t think you’ll ever get tired of him, of the way he exaggerates details when he tells a story, the way he peels mandarins or the way he cuts watermelon into perfect cubes. You’ll never get tired of him, his kisses, his steady breathing when he sleeps on his side of the bed. You’ll never get tired of him, of the butterflies you feel in your stomach when you unbuckle his belt, when you unzip his jeans. He smells good. 

Hyunjin’s cock is coming alive already when you slide your hand into his pants to cup him over his boxers, squeezing gently. And yet he carefully washes a serving plate as if it was just any other day—but the color of his cheeks shows his true feelings. And what you feel beneath your palm is even more telling. 

“You’ll be such a good husband,” you comment, feeling him up with a little more insistence. Hyunjin inhales sharply and twitches in your hand, eliciting a soft moan out of you, heat pooling between your legs. “I’ll be a good wife, I promise.”

“I know you will, my angel.” His voice is a little strangled, but he finally puts down the serving plate, the last of the dishes that needed to be washed. He twists his neck to look at you as he’s drying his hands with a towel. “That’s why I’m about to stretch your pretty pussy and fill you up.” 

You’ll never get tired of him. Of his cock hardening under your touch, of his gaze fucking you before he even touches you. Sometimes, he stares at you so intensely that it makes you wet. Sometimes you touch yourself to the thought of his eyes devouring you, analyzing you like a dance routine. 

Hyunjin turns around completely, kissing you hard. You leave his cock alone momentarily to wrap your arms around his neck, clinging onto him like you’re about to fall and he is your lifeline. 

He pulls your shirt off you. “I love you, babe.” When he kisses you this time, it’s slower, deeper, his tongue reaching dark corners of your mouth, exploring you not like a ruin but like a temple. 

The kissing leads you to your bedroom. You like making love to Hyunjin here, you like the lighting, the way it looks when he cums while you ride him, his eyes rolling at the back of his head, one hand holding onto the frame of the bed like you’re milking the soul out of him. 

That night, Hyunjin carefully removes the box he painted for you from the bed, removes the wrapping paper to free the bed. You sit on the mattress, pulling him in for a kiss, feeling his erection through his pants. Sometimes, you like to edge him for hours, rubbing yourself against him until he blows in his pants. At least he cleans up his mess after. 

But not tonight. Tonight, you rid him of his pants and underwear while he does the same to you. You like the feeling of his sweater against your bare skin but you still take it off him, eager to feel his toned body against yours. Hyunjin advances on the bed, making you retreat farther onto the mattress, kissing your lips, your face, your neck. Your hair. He kisses your breasts as soon as he frees them from your bra. 

“You know, the day that we met, the painting class,” he tells you, spreading your legs open. His hair is tickling your stomach as he leaves wet kisses there too. “I thought you were so pretty… I jerked off so many times that night…” 

Sex with Hyunjin is like a dancing routine, one that you know well. You know what he likes, you know what he loves. You know what will make him cry out, what will make him shy and blow huge loads. He knows how to make you moan, he knows how to make you chant his name like a prayer. He knows how to eat your cunt, he knows how to lick your slit to smear your essence over your pussy before driving you insane by putting his pretty mouth on your clit. Hyunjin knows how you like to be fucked. He knows you will cum hard if he chokes you or if he says into your ear that he loves you when he feels you clench. He knows you will want to taste his cum so he always gives you a taste, no matter how deep inside you he came. You like tasting him on your own fingers or his, but you prefer doing so on Hyunjin’s own tongue.

Tonight, Hyunjin moans when he takes in the sight of your cunt. “So creamy,” he says. “You should have told me you had a marriage kink, angel. I would have proposed a lot sooner.” 

What you want to say is you have a Hyunjin kink, but you lose your voice when his tongue finds your soaked folds, sending shivers throughout your whole body. Hyunjin looks good there between your legs. Sometimes he ties his hair behind his head before eating you out, especially when he intends on doing so for a long time. But you’re glad he didn’t tonight. You like the sight of your juices sticking to his black hair, drying there. 

“You smell so good…” Hyunjin’s breath tickles your sensitive pussy. “You taste so good too. Please cum on my mouth, angel. Then I’ll fuck you. Okay?”

What Hyunjin wants, Hyunjin gets—it’s not like you have much control over it anyway. If he decides he makes you cum with his mouth, he just does. No matter how hard you try to resist him, he’ll just make you cum.

That night, Hyunjin spreads your pussy lips open with one hand before making out with your cunt, slurping you just the same way he eats a mandarin from Jeju—not wasting a single drop of its sweet juice, worshiping every corner of you like he is a whole man of god and you’re god. Your pussy is his goddess, he often says. Your cunt is the altar he prays at, the canvas he paints, the floor on which he dances. 

Hyunjin cocks his head to the side, his forehead pressing against your thigh, forcing you to open your legs wider. He pushes his tongue into your tight hole, lapping at you at first, making you clench around it, making you scream with your mouth open. He is god. No, his mouth is the cross on which you beg to be nailed onto—let him tear you apart there, let him torture you, let him make you and unmake you. 

Hyunjin fucks you with his tongue, moving his head between your legs, smearing your juices all over his face and yourself and the sheets beneath you, staining him with your love. 

He isn’t exactly the man you met at the painting class. He is bolder, unafraid for the most part. He fucks you hard and a lot. He loves you hard and a lot. He paints but he dances too, teaching others how to move with purpose, how to let your body listen to the music because it knows. The heart knows. Your heart knows that Hyunjin is the only music you ever want to dance to. The music of his plush lips running along your pussy, making the pressure between your legs turn into a painful ache, a delightful torture. 

“I love you,” he whispers into your pussy but you feel it in your soul. “My angel.” 

You could cum from that, but instead Hyunjin pushes two fingers into your hole, stretching you, the squelching sound of that so lewd it makes you want to say a prayer. You want to keep watching, you want to see his face twist in pleasure when your taste overflows him but you can’t. Your head falls back on the mattress as Hyunjin closes his lips around your clit, giving it a few flicks of his tongue for good measure. A warning, a promise. You don’t need to see it, really—you’ve seen his slutty lips coated with your cream make heaven descend upon you more than once. You don’t need to see it but you’ll never get tired of it, of him, of the way he sucks and licks and plays with your clit. Of the way he loves you.

You’re close. You feel your wetness under you, Hyunjin’s fingers twirling inside of you, massaging your walls while he kisses and sucks your cunt. While his mouth fucks your clit. 

“Hyunjin Hyunjin Hyunjin Hyunjin—” You’re not just close, you’re about to cum. Hyunjin moans against you when you clench around his slender fingers, so he curls them to reach your sensitive spot, fucking you with his fingers and his mouth and his soul. 

Your whole body tenses up. You see stars when, finally, Hyunjin applies more pressure onto your g-spot while sucking hard on your clit. You come undone, you become a writhing mess on a cum-stained bed, and you cum, rubbing your pulsing cunt against Hyunjin’s pretty face. He waits until you are calmed down to retreat—while you recover from your high, Hyunjin cleans you up, drinking you like he hasn’t eaten in a month. 

When he leaves the warmth between your legs, you watch him lick you off his lips, watch him wipe his chin with the back of his hand. Hyunjin kneels on the bed, coming back up to kiss you, to share your taste with you. His cock grazes your thigh, his tip nudging your sensitive cunt, and you moan into his mouth. In response, he aligns himself with your slit and rubs his hard length onto you, coating himself with your cream.

“Please,” you beg as if he hadn’t just made you see stars with his mouth. But Hyunjin just rubs himself. 

He’s so hard and you clench around nothing. You reach for his cock between your legs, pressing your palm onto him to maximize the contact with his cock. 

Hyunjin grunts. “Fuck, you were right.” The sound of his voice, deep, thick, is enough to send another jolt of pleasure through you. The aftershock surprises you, but Hyunjin doesn’t stop rolling his hips to rub, rub, rub. “Your ring looks so good with my cock. Look, angel. You need to see. It’s so pretty.” 

You manage to rest yourself on your elbows to get a glimpse of it. Hyunjin’s cock, hard, leaking, his balls tight. Your hand on it, him using the slight bump of the ring to maximize his pleasure. “It is beautiful, baby,” you admit, still fucked out from your orgasm and haunted by Hyunjin’s tongue dancing inside you. You like the gold with the dark flush of his length. You’ll paint that someday soon. That and the colors you see when he makes you cum. Colors that only exist in Hyunjin’s mouth.

You’ll never get tired of him, of his body, toned and firm beneath your palms. His dancer’s body, his elegant limbs. The crescent-shaped scars on his upper thigh. The smell of his sweat, the taste of it, the taste of his cock as he fucks your mouth after he stretched your pussy. You’ll never get tired of his gentle voice when he calls you. You’ll never get tired of watching him dance, of watching him paint. Of watching him cum. 

Hyunjin leaves his position over you to lie down by your side, pressing your back flush against his chest. “I’ll fuck you so deep, angel love,” he promises into your ear. “As many times as you let me.” One of his hands wanders on your tits while the other lifts your leg. He doesn’t need help to enter you, he knows the way. He knows you by heart, like a song, like a dance. 

Hyunjin buries himself inside you with one thrust, the both of you crying out. Yes, yes, yes. This is where you belong. On his cock. Losing yourself, finding yourself, being made and unmade. This is where you want to die. This is where you started to live, not just be alive. His thick cock stretching you. His love filling you.

Hyunjin rolls his hips steadily, your cunt hugging him nicely. “So tight, baby.” You clench at that. “Fuck—wanna make me blow already, is that it?” 

Yes, no. You never want this to stop. You want him all inside of you, fucking his soul into you. “I love you,” is all you say. Nothing else needs to be said.

“I love you too, angel.” Hyunjin picks up a pace, pressing himself so hard against you that you are no longer on your side, not really—you're laying on your stomach, crying out every time Hyunjin slams into you and bottoms out. He is fucking you so deep you know he is bruising you. You hope he is painting your cunt in blues and purples before filling you with white. 

“Now, Hyun.” You can’t wait. You can’t stop moaning. He takes up all of the space inside you. The beautiful weight of his body on yours. The delightful stretch of his cock. The burden of it, the paradise of him. 

Hyunjin pulls out just to roll you on your back. He does like to look into your eyes when he cums. He likes to see it on your face, too, that you can feel his cum drip out of your hole. He likes to fuck you dumb, he likes to fuck you sloppy. Sometimes, he just likes fucking you deep and good and hard. 

You open your legs for him and he aligns his cock with your hole, staring into your eyes as he enters you again, meeting a lot less resistance than he did earlier. Hyunjin slams into you over and over, fucking his burgundy love into you. You clench as much as he’s twitching but none of you care to resist. Tonight is not like other nights. 

Tonight is better because there is a ring around your finger. Because Hyunjin thought you wouldn’t want to marry him—that you wouldn’t love him anymore—because he had made up the story with the pink rose and the label. Tonight is better because you fall in love with Hyunjin more and more every day. Someday, you will cease to exist because you will implode from the force with which you love and are loved. 

Tonight Hyunjin fucks you hard, kissing your lips, your neck, grunting and whimpering like a madman. He did say that you drive him crazy. He also used to say that you made him better. He made you better, he made you worse. He made you and unmade you.

You know he’s close when Hyunjin’s hand reaches between your leg and he traces circles around your clit. You feel your whole cunt open up like a flower, his cock hitting you hard, over and over. He is relentless. He is a force to be reckoned with. He is the man you will marry. 

Hyunjin pushes your hair away from your sweaty face. He is sweating too, but only looking more beautiful because of it. He kisses your forehead before delivering the sentence that makes you cum hard around his cock. “Someday, my angel, I’ll fuck a baby into you.” 

You cum forever, it seems, but you’ll never get tired of him. Your body convulses with the waves of pleasures that rip you into pieces—you cum so hard your vision blurs and you forget the world. It’s just you and him, Hyunjin. You’re floating, you’re falling. He cums hard, too, moaning prettily into your neck as he empties himself inside you, cock pulsing, his voice filling the room.

Hyunjin fucks you slowly, ultimately collapsing onto you one second after pulling out, a trail of his thick cum following his softening cock. He coats his fingers with himself before pulling his hand away from between your legs, and you lick him like ice cream, like a blessing from god. His taste is strong, addictive. 

Hyunjin pulls you against him. “My angel love.” His voice is sleepy. You’re tired too, but you hope you stay awake a few moments longer—you truly love the feeling of being so full with Hyunjin’s cum that it drips out of you.”

“Hyunjin,” you whisper, eyelids closing by themselves. “My Hyunjin.”

His warm mouth finds yours. He smells like sweat and sex and love. “I’ll never not love you, okay? He presses his hands against your back, like an embrace.

“I’ll never not love you.” Later that night, Hyunjin wakes you up with neck kisses and caresses on your ass. Later that night, after he fucked you for a second time, Hyunjin paints a bright blue sky over a turquoise sea and you watch him blend the colors into perfection. The canvas smells like sunlight. Hyunjin smells like the purest kind of love. 

You are in love with Hyunjin and he is in love with you. It is enough, but it won’t stop him from promising you the whole world or from peeling a mandarin for you, or from washing your dishes. You will always feel the delightful weight of him in your life when you fold his laundry or when you hear him read a bedtime story to the child he promised you on the night he proposed. It is enough. It is enough. It is enough. 

The End ♡

a/n: Hey everyone <3 If you celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas! If you don't, I hope you are having a good day where you are taking care of yourself and feeling loved. I wanted to say a big thank you to people who have taken the time to read this story & especially to those who have shared your love for it. As you know, this story means a lot to me, and I'm very grateful I was able to share this with you. This is the epilogue... But I do think I will be revisiting this fic once in a while, with one-shots and drabbles. So this isn't goodbye!

I hope the upcoming year is filled with peace & kindness, for all of you. I hope you see beauty in everything, I hope you find comfort in everything, too. Thank you. ♡

taglist ♡ @cb97percent @changbinluvr @neosracha @hwan-g @streetlight-s @j-0ne25 @tanyas97 @hyun-bun @americanokisses @aimeexx @upallnight-s @hyunskizz @lotus-dly @thestarseeker @skzho @simpsarzie @taeriffic @kittykatprincess15

[luvehhj]

im so obsessed 😭

The “Spy” - Hwang Hyunjin

A/N: @taichoushadow​ I hope it is somewhat good and okay.

Warnings: Brief roleplay, smut, Hyunjin being tied up, rope being used, teasing, dirty talk, nudism, explicit language, descriptive scenes, toys/vibrator being used, nipple play, slight edging, fingering, cum tasting, unprotected sex(readers on the pill), aftercare, cockwarming.

W/C: 5.7K

Age Warning: I will not take responsibility because you wanted to read this, but if you’re under the  age of 18+, DO NOT INTERACT OR READ. Do not take this as educational, this is fiction!

You waited on the bed for Hyunjin to enter, recently you’ve been having some dreams about being a spy, and you probably shouldn’t have told him because he had suggested roleplaying to test it out, you weren’t too optimistic, but it was worth a try.

The bedroom door opens, and you turn to look at him, finding him wearing a pair of leather pants, that seemed to fit extremely tight, and a white button-up. He looks at you as you slowly got up from the bed, his black-coloured hair covering part of his eyes.

“I’m here to arrest you and take you back to headquarters,” He says. You fight the urge to laugh, you do, but you just couldn’t get used to the script. You bite the inside of your cheeks and move towards him, not saying a word because you knew if you did, you would end up laughing. “Y/n… I’m here to arrest you,” You grab onto his shirt, twisting your fingers into the fabric and pulling him further into the room, and shutting the door with your other hand, before pulling him towards a chair you had already set up. “Are you taking me, hostage?” You turn him towards the chair and lean forward, making him step back and sit down on the chair. You reach for the rope you had near the chair and tie one of his wrists to the armrests before looking up at him.

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[luvehhj]

you’re so gorgeous it makes so mad || Hyunjin

[Picture credit: 너는봄]

Pairing: Hyunjin x f!reader

Summary: There’s you, there’s Hyunjin, and then there’s the girl that thinks that flirting with him will get her somewhere. It doesn’t, but it does get you to fuck him in the bathroom

Word count: 4.4k

Genres: PWP, bit of fluff

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex in the context of a long-term established relationship, sub!hyunjin, oral (male receiving), vaginal sex, fingering (female receiving), jealousy, possessiveness kink?, hints of praise kink, bathroom sex, semi-public sex, implied College AU, dancer!hyunjin, this is quite filthy by my standards lol, some feelings in there too but it’s quite soft.

Hyunjin always looks most in his element when he’s performing.

That is what makes him so fascinating to watch when he’s on stage. His focused expression, the way his body moves exactly how he wishes it to, with no room for error. Confidence and power radiate from him and light up the room, forcing all the eyes to focus on him. He’s the heart of any stage he’s on, easily eclipsing others.

Sitting in the audience, you’re always taken in by what a sight he is, no matter how many times you’ve seen it. Beads of sweat travel down his body, hips roll with the rhythm, and you know for a fact that anyone who meets his eyes during the performance will feel like he’s staring straight into their soul. His long hair are like a halo around him, only perfecting the look — blonde, and he looks like a sinful angel, red or black, and he’s a demon.

You think that’s why you also enjoy watching him when you’re at parties.

Sure, it isn’t as obvious then, but to the trained eye, there are telltale signs. One of them is the fact that he never hesitates. He never stumbles on his words, never has to stop himself in the middle of a sentence because he forgot where he was going with it, never gets it wrong. His expressions remain controlled, even when he throws his head back laughing, even when he high-fives his partners as he wins whatever drinking game they’re playing and performs happiness. He always times the moment when he runs his hand through his hair just right, and his smile is a smirk, lifting only one corner of his lips. He never fails to meet his interlocutor’s eyes, and, it is not rare for the other person to lose their train of thought under the attention he gives them.

It’s almost as interesting a sight as when he’s on stage, but it also isn’t Hyunjin.

Maybe that’s why it doesn’t bother you so much that you’re watching from across the room, leaning against the door frame, as he’s playing a game of pool with some of the other dancers from the company. You don’t feel too embarrassed about staring, because you’re certainly not the only one who’s interested in the way his long, muscular body looks as he leans over the table.

From where you are, you can’t get a good look at his ass, though.

Shame.

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[luvehhj]

can't wait

°꒰ the thing between roommates ─── b.chan & h.hyunjin. ꒱

| pairing: chan x reader, hyunjin x reader

| warnings. contains smut, mentions of watching porn, f and m rec ( includes blowjobs, fingering, etc ), teasing, and more which will be in the actual fic.

| words. tba

| synopsis. one's your roommate and the other is his best friend. you've been holding off for so long. but what happens when they hear you, and want to have their fun?

| preview | let me know if you want to be tagged !!

"you misheard me."

"no one mishears a whine, doll. now tell me what you were doing before i caught you," chan whispers as he leans against the doorframe of your room and looks at you. your eyes stare back at the figure in front of you, while still being on the bed, acting like nothing actually happened.

"i'm telling you, i didn't whine," you start to protest, a sigh leaving your tired body as you try to sit up straight. "it must've been something else." chuckling, chan walks into the room and sitting down on the bed next to you. "then you're watching porn and wishing it was you instead that was being fucked that good?" he raises an eyebrow at you, watching you squirm in your place, his eyes following the movements of your thighs pressing together at the mention of 'being fucked that good.'

it was fun teasing you like this, he thought to himself. knowing what words get to you, what actions he does makes you groan inwardly and he's seen it before. no matter how much you tried to hide it from him, or even his best friend hyunjin, who was always over - they noticed it. all of it.

"i didn't say that -"

"yet you didn't deny it, did you?" chan pokes.

"would you rather i bring hyunjin in here and get you to open that pretty mouth of yours? such a brat aren't you?" chan sighs, shaking his head a little before tilting his head to look at you, his body is almost close to yours, you realize - closer than you ever thought you could get. sure, meaningless hugs and cuddles from chan when you got drunk didn't count. it never did. but this? this was a whole new level for you, even for the boys.

"i'm not being a brat, stop calling me that," you reply, clearly frustrated by him and also because you were stopped mid-orgasm when you were so close. another minute and you would've gotten out of the room. it was all because of that leather jacket he wore. why did he have to look so good? why did he have such attractive friends, which made it so much harder for you to focus on work, making you mix up orders?

"oh, i never called you that. i'm merely just observing your..." chan pauses, taking a minute to soak your expressions, posture, and movements, before letting his eyes rest on your face, a smirk forming on his lips. "...reactions to my words. seems like you want to be called a brat. you'd like it, hm? being called a brat. i wonder what else you'd like, pretty thing."

chan stands up, adjusting his sweats before turning around to look at you. "i suggest you come up with some answers quickly before i get back home. maybe even watch that dirty little porn you were watching," he looks around a little, finding your laptop tucked under your pillow, which was hastily pushed to the side. a smile rests on his face, thinking in his head that he in fact knew what you were doing. "maybe touch yourself a little, hm? play with that pretty little cunt of yours before hyunjin and i have our turn, yeah?"

when chan said that sentence, it shouldn't make your core throb in the way it did just now. it shouldn't have made you want him even more - maybe want both hyunjin and chan at the same time.

"thinking about our fingers inside you already?" chan says, interrupting your thoughts, making you look at him in embarrassment. "go ahead, pup. i won't stop you. tell us about that porn, use your words, and we can make your wet dreams come true, yeah?"

— taglist. @hwajin @starlostseungmin  @chrisbahng @niinjo @chvnnie @lixhues @joonszn @janvibutbetter @cherryhanji @blueberry-chan @dnadoublefelixx @ethereallino @stuckwithaphobiaa @chewryy @bangchanbabygirlx @zizis-world12 @aimeexx @whatudowhennooneseesyou @seobinniesshi @nightlychans @americanokisses @katieraven @h0neydewmoon @hwan-g

[luvehhj]

i love this

Scarlet Red

Pairing: Hyunjin x Fem Reader

Summary: A young talented artist has caught your attention. Now you want nothing more than for him to be successful. (Non idol au)

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI due to adult content. Unprotected sex, fingering, and use of pet names.

Word Count: 6,200+ and some change

Author’s Note: The chokehold this man has on me right now. I hope you guys enjoy!

Tag List: @lee–felix, @lex-thesimpzzz, @nymeriaaa, @hyuckilstan, @joti17, @9900z, @jess-1404, @weusteezmakes1team, @formysakeamaryllis, @skzflix-au, @downforseochangbin, @lotus-dly, @cb97percent, @svintsandghosts (Message me if you’d like to be added. You’ll be notified when I post)

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[luvehhj]

the best writer

—

"you look inviting," you smile, crawling toward hyunjin who lay on your shared bed, his fingers clutching a book, as he fixes his glasses with his other hand.

"do i now?" he smiles, setting the book down next to him to look at you.

"you can get comfortable if you want," hyunjin whispers, watching you settle between his thighs, your hands on either side of them, before straddling the boy under you, until you're on top of him, your body inching closer and closer, your legs wrapping his waist, almost trapping him in between.

"so pretty, aren't you?" hyunjin mumbles, letting his hands rest on your thighs, running his fingers along your bare legs. you hum out a response, moving your hips while being on top of him, shifting just a little more so your clothed pussy was directly on his stomach. "but also so so needy, it's just 10am, doll. wasn't last night enough?" hyunjin asks, his voice almost a rasp.

"was more than enough," you agree, but your hips wouldn't stop, and before you realise, you find yourself grinding against your boyfriend, getting needier by the second. "and yet here you are, acting so needy," hyunjin finishes.

he sighs, his fingers now grabbing your hips, to help you, his nails digging into the material of your shirt, before he stops his actions completely.

"since you're already here, how about you get to work? finish what you started. you're not leaving here until i see a stain on my shirt hm? im not going to help you, you're doing it by yourself."

"but—"

"no buts, baby. you started it. now be a good pet, and fucking finish the job."

note. see, i was going to not publish this, but oh well. @h0neyspaceplant was the first one to see it, and now im embarrassed. BYE.

[luvehhj]

𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 — hhj.

🌷mdni, this post contains smut, dirty talk, f rec, slight grinding, edging, semi public shtuff eep, hyunjin is a big tease like always (babies get caught too omg).

🌷WORDS ! 1.6k

🌷note. my brain really needed a museum date, (still do, anyone up for it? jk) and honestly, after those recent skz posts? i needed this written, for my sanity. this is the first time writing this theme? enjoy lovvies. feedback is always appreciated !! not proofread don't @ me

🌷© lix-ables. translating and/or reposting is not allowed.

🌷masterlist

“now, we’re moving on to the next piece, which is the replica of the lovers II, originally made in 1928 by rene magritte, a oil on canvas, depicting two individuals locked in an embrace. as you can see the figures are kissing one another through the veils, being situated in a room with a black wall, a side wall, and it has the ceiling showing…” the gallery assistant addresses the group of people of all ages, but hyunjin didn’t pay too much attention. he couldn’t, no matter how much he tried. his eyes were on you.

now, if he came another time, when he was less distracted, he would’ve paid so much more attention than currently, but today especially, you were all he could see, and focus on. coming to a commercial art galleries was a good idea, he thought, for a date. what he didn’t think was how tuned out he would be, since the moment he saw you in that dress - a plain blue sleeveless dress, with soft frills at the hem, and in your hand was a denim jacket. the way you half-jogged to himthe door closing right behind you. a teeny bit of your thighs being exposed to him made him groan inwardly.

“hi baby, sorry i’m late,” you huff, joining hyunjin and the crowd, slipping your hand into your boyfriend’s, your fingers loose in his. he presses a kiss to your hair, his hand tugging you closer by your waist just as the assistant speaks again, her voice slightly hushed, but echoing in the other side. “you can explore the exhibit by yourself now, do let me or my colleague know if you need help with anything at all.”

“i still don’t understand why we’re here, babe,” hyunjin mumbles when you pull him towards one of the paintings near the exit. “i thought you're the only art i needed in my life." your hand slips out of his, laughing at his statement, as you press a small kiss to his cheek, moving closer to the painting in front of you. “so cheesy, aren’t you?” “what? i’m just being truthful here,” he pulls you back to him so your back is against his chest, his breath slow and warm on your skin.

hyunjin pulls away, turning you around to face him, his eyes wandering all over your face, while a hand reaches into his jacket pocket, bringing something out, and you look at him, confused. your hand moves to rest on his chest, smoothing out the small creases on his jacket material. “quite dressed up aren’t you?” you smile, just as he holds out a navy blue box in between the two of you. “what’s this?” you whisper, fingers moving nimbly to open the magnetic lid it had. “open it,” hyunjin hums, a small smile resting on his face, watching you fiddling with the lid to see the content inside - a pink dainty single flower necklace sat at the bottom, and you let out a gasp, running a finger across the delicate object and the details all over it. “do you llke it?” hyunjin asks, and you hug him, pulling his body close to yours, your fingers wrapped around the nape of his neck, as you feel him nuzzle his nose into your neck. “i’ll take that as a yes then,” he chuckles, when you turn around, asking him to help you with the necklace.

his mind roams around how pretty you’d look with that necklace when he first bought it, but it always made him go back to the thought of how much more prettier you’d look with only the necklace around you neck - and nothing else. your skin bare, just that single simple flower resting on your body, as his fingers explored your skin, touching you delicately with his fingers, trailing small butterfly kisses to your skin as he did so, until he moved to your centre, imagining himself resting between your legs for all his life.

“how does it look?” you question, breaking him from his thoughts, and he focuses back to reality. instead of replying he drags you by your wrist toward the exit, opening the door and letting you walk in front of him, his hand resting at the small of your back.

“hyunnie, where are we going? i just got here, and there’s so much i want to see -” you start, only for him to pull you to him, his lips on yours almost immediately, his fingers curling around your neck, his other resting on your waist, gripping the dress material tightly in his fingers. you moan into the kiss, leaning into him even more, like you were high on him and kisses, like you needed his kisses to live.

your eyelids flutter when he pulls away, licking his lips, a small laugh leaving him when he notices your eyes still closed, his thumb caressing your cheek, making you look at him. “you still want to go back?” he asks, laughing when you shake your head, because clearly it didn’t look like you wanted to head back into the gallery. “we can go another time,” you suck in a breath, your fingers wrapped around his wrist, and now you’re dragging him to the slightly dark alleyway right behind the gallery, letting him pin you against the bricked wall.

hyunjin rests his head on your shoulder, his lips resting on your skin, giving you shivers, even when it wasn’t really that cold out. his earlier thoughts return and he decides to be truthful, lifting his head up back to look at you, his fingers reaching to twirl a strand of your hair. “you know what i want to see?” you shake your head slowly, eyes trying so hard to focus on the boy in front of you. god, he's pretty. “what?”

“you wearing that necklace i gave you.” he leans in close, his mouth right at your ear. “and nothing else.”

you whine in response, just as hyunjin presses closer, his hips nudging yours, your body flattening against the wall behind you. he returns his hand on your hip, squeezing you there, fingers crushing those pretty blue frills of your dress, and you let out a sigh. “and you know what i want to see?”

“what, love?” he pushes, his voice light like he’s holding back a groan from the sight in front of him. his hand moves from your hip to trace your thigh, and a moan leaves your body as you spread your legs just a little, wanting him to rest his hand on you once again, wanting him to touch you where you needed him the most.

“words,” he continues, lifting the hem of your dress just enough for him to slip his hands right above your bundle of nerves. “i want to see you wear this vest, while you’re inside me,” you manage, pushing your hips in his direction, your fingers pushing past his jacket, touching the vest he wore on top of his shirt. the way your body was moving for you, instead of your mind, was kind of embarrassing, you thought.

“am i not already doing that, baby?” hyunjin smirks, “touching you, i mean. i know i’m going to fuck you later on when we get home, but am i not touching you, pretty thing?”

“want more,” you smile, leaning back against the wall, your fingers brushing the front of his covered crotch, making him let out a small “fuck” when you did so. “i know you do too.”

“not here, baby. i want to take my own sweet time with you and your body, and watch you become a mess for me,” hyunjin collects himself, standing straighter than before, bending his knee slightly to nudge your legs apart, pressing upward so it was directly under your covered pussy, making you whimper in the process. “though i wouldn’t mind you making a mess right now, actually. i’m sure you wouldn’t mind too, doll.”

“but what if we get caught?” you whine out again, from the pressure his knee was applying to your wetness, making you slowly grind against the pant he was currently wearing. “doesn’t look like you mind getting caught, hm?” hyunjin’s hands extend to grab your waist, helping your hips move against him, your hands reaching to hold onto his shoulders, your nails digging into his back.

“this was supposed to be a wholesome date, but look at you, so desperately rubbing your pretty pussy against me,” hyunjin snides, trailing his fingers to your arm length, and his fingers graze your chest while doing so. he lets a single finger hook under the strap of your dress, while he clenches his muscles, applying some more pressure while you rub yourself on him. “so desperate that you can’t hold yourself back just for a couple of hours hm?”

“you’re the o-one that dragged me out here,” you mutter, biting your bottom lip, holding yourself back from letting any sound leave your lips. “oh and now you’re talking back? do you like when i tease you just like this? not letting you come on -”

“hey!”

an unfamiliar voice interrupts him from continuing, and hyunjin moves away from you a little, letting your dress fall back to cover your thighs. he turns his head in the direction of the voice, only to see a middle aged man, wearing an expensive suit, with a woman at his arm, both with shocked looking faces, more like irritation. hyunjin smiles at them while you fix your hair, smiling at them as well, a small “sorry” leaving either of your mouths.

“kids,” hyunjin heard the man mumble before he left, with who seemed like his wife, which made you laugh, and you slip your arm under your boyfriend’s again.

“do you wanna get back inside or do you think they’ll kick us out?” hyunjin asks, his voice gruff, straightening his jacket, his hands helping you fix your dress next. “i think i would rather you let me orgasm now,” you roll your eyes at the boy in front of you, which makes him laugh, walking you both to where he parked his car. “seems fair, baby.”

🌷taglist — @hwajin  @starlostseungmin  @chrisbahng @niinjo @chvnnie @lixhues @joonszn @evqans @meowtella @janvibutbetter @cherryhanji @blueberry-chan @dnadoublefelixx @ethereallino @stuckwithaphobiaa @chewryy @bangchanbabygirlx @meowminhosblog @zizis-world12 @aimeexx @whatudowhennooneseesyou @seobinniesshi @nightlychans

[luvehhj]

- ̗̀♡ SKZ AS TYPES OF KINKS ─ !!

🌷[mdni, this post contains, smut – f rec, bondage, exhibitionism, teasing, thigh riding, marking, slight degradation + humiliation, perv!ji agenda coz we love it, switch!hyunjin, soft mean dom!skz, slight sexting, mentions of deep throating, lingerie kink, possesive kink, slight oral fixation, overstim, ig thats it?]

🌷also making this post for the new milestone coz y’all are fr amazing for 2k like thats so sexy of you fr,, let's ignore that i drank a whole glass of peach iced tea coz welcome to my delulu hours besties ‹3 this post is all coz of honey okay istg she wants to break me ALSO not proof read, don't come at me

🌷 WORDS ! 2.2k oh my who is she??

🌷 masterlist

🌷 lemme know how you liked this one, feedback is appreciated ‹3

🌷© lix-ables. translating and/or reposting is not allowed.

ᴄʜᴀɴ || rope bunny | as much as this man loves to go down on you, chan is the type to also let you have your way with him, and obviously how can you say no? especially when you know he loves watching you, the way you move being really intriguing for him, and he knows you love nothing more than having him tied up.

he loves it too, but he rarely mentions it, so when you bring it up, the sparkle in his eyes is unmissable. the moment you tell him, he is ready to head to the store, either to get some ribbon or a rope just for this – his eyes watch you as you proceed to trail your fingertips along the length of his arm, the rope following suit, having his wrists just above his head, pinned up to the headboard.

“you’re really having so much fun, aren’t you baby?” a whisper leaves chan’s lips when you settle down between his legs, fingers hooked into his sweats, eyes eager to devour him whole right there. “so fucking impatient, you love it when i beg you to let me come, hm?” he starts, his fingers curling into his palms just as your nails graze the outline of his boner. you hum in response, eyes fixed on his lips, which are slightly open now. “you love it when i tug your pretty hair, just when i fuck your pretty lips, don’t you?”

a smile forms on his lips when he hears a shift in your posture, almost as if you needed him, a whine follows right after, your hands finding his thighs as you trail your fingers along his sweats.

“now, darling. what have i told you about teasing? how about you get to it hm?”

ᴍɪɴʜᴏ || exhibitionism | this man as we know him, he loves teasing you, be it in the bedroom or when you’re out in public. the way he loves teasing you more when you’re out with your friends, from sending you either photos of himself, or sending audios of him saying he misses you, and your body. what surprises you more, initially, is when he confidently sends you photos of his hand on his bulge, right on his sweats, or of his thumb on the tip, and you know he’s teasing himself, thinking about you. when he shifts from sending you photos to five second videos, you are already losing it.

< need you to come home and fix this right now, doll > a message would read, only for you to see the video, a whine slipping past your lips, your eyes not moving from the way he touches his cock, his fingers firmly wrapped around the base, his thumb moving so slowly to tease the tip, and you swear you can see a bit of precum collect on the tip. you can’t help yourself from licking your bottom lip, your fingers almost dropping your phone when you have the video on a loop, and you feel yourself getting wet at the thought of minho teasing himself, the groans that would slip past his lips, and you’re so close to calling him, or rather heading home.

ᴄʜᴀɴɢʙɪɴ || thigh riding/thigh fetish | this man is the type to get hard the moment you’re on his lap, straddling his waist. his hands find your hips, fingers gripping your exposed skin, his thumb rubbing small and slow circles to your skin. the way he’d continuously clench his thigh muscles, and also at the same time have you slowly grind on them, a groan leaving his lips, followed by him licking his bottom lip. his eyes shift constantly from the way you’re moving against his thigh, to the way your head is slightly thrown back, your lips parted and he thinks, this is because of him. he’s the one getting you off, no one else.

“so fucking pretty for me, baby. you like that, hm? you like it when i press your pretty pussy against my thigh?”

on some days changbin would want you to make a mess on his thigh, on other days he’d want you to make a mess on yourself, but when he’s involved, he wants you to work for it. i’m talking he’s the kind to be having you weak on your knees, wanting you to earn it, hence you need to work for it. on the days he wants you to make a mess on him, his fingers would find your bare clit, rubbing slow patterns to your skin, while instructing you, guiding you to grind yourself against his thigh.

“no, baby. we’re not moving from here until you make a pretty mess on my thigh. i don’t care if it takes all night of you fucking yourself on my sweats, i need to see a fucking stain.” a tiny flick to your clit makes you whine, more out of protest than out of pleasure, because he stops what he’s doing right at that moment, a smirk forming on his lips. “oh, you thought i was going to help you? no, darling, you’re helping yourself. i was just getting you started.”

ʜʏᴜɴᴊɪɴ || experimental/ deep throating | hyunjin’s the kind, like we know him to be, the shy boi that he is. he’s always about you, from the way he touches you, to the way his lips attach to your body, the delicate touches of his fingers making you lose your mind. he’s also the type to want to experiment anything with you, he wants anything that you want. but when he does have ideas, he’ll be so shy about it, like always, and lets you take the lead, even if it’s something that he wants, and it involves you.

like this one time. the night he mentioned how he wanted to try deep throating with you, obviously giving you the choice of wanting it too or not. “i mean, are you sure, baby? i don’t want -” “let me help?” your fingers find his lips, watching him press the smallest and softest of kisses to your skin, making you close your eyes. that is until you decide to slip your finger past his lips, watching the boy in front of you widen his eyes, but following along. you moan when he twirls his tongue around your finger, your eyes focusing on the way his lips form an ‘o’ around your finger, while your free hand extends and reaches for his crotch.

a whine leaves his throat, almost raspy, when your fingers detach from his mouth, nimbly working on getting his cock out of his pants, and in your mouth. the way you were kneeling down in front of hyunjin, your eyes looking up at him as your fingers grab his dick, stroking him first, teasing him, before having him in your mouth, had him going crazy already. his head is thrown back a little, eyes still watching you, and before you knew it, his hips were buckling into your face, his fingers tugging on your hair. “baby, you’re being really impatient today. i told you i want to take my time with you, didn’t i?” your voice is soft, but firm when you remove yourself from his cock, your tongue darting a little, watching hyunjin let out yet another whine, fingers aching to be back in your hair again.

“patience, and you’ll get what you want. maybe more, if you behave.”

ᴊɪsᴜɴɢ || lingerie kink/getting caught | okay, this boi as we know him, just loves it when you’re all dressed up for him, or rather in this case, dressed down. ever since you told him about the new lingerie set you bought, and mentioning that you bought it ‘just for him’, he’s been losing his shit. ever since then, his mind has been about only you, and how you’d look in that lingerie, his thought wandering to how you’d look when he fucked you in that same set.

not being able to stop himself, he’s the kind to most likely be wanting to have your lingerie in front of him, or your pantie in his hand, the lacy material bunched up in his fingers, as he jerks off to the thought of him being inside you, by just pushing your panties to the side, his dick ramming inside you. this boy, for all you know it, also wants to be caught by you. the thoughts of you just walking into him getting off because of you, because of those panties, makes him grip onto the panties thighter in his hand, his other working on stroking himself to the point where he knows he’s going to make a mess.

he’s most probably shamelessly even tell you all about it, from how he so badly wants you to wear it, to the fact that he actually came on his stomach, spilling his load all over himself on just your image, especially in that lingerie. “just want to fuck you in this, baby. please?”

ғᴇʟɪx || marking | felix, as we know, loves loves loves being marked, or marking you, either way, he just loves to think and know that it’s all yours, and it’s all his. the fact that it’s you who has your lips on his body, be it just delicate kisses or you just sucking bruises, and marks onto his body, just makes him all hot and bothered. he loves see those red marks on your body, when he’s creating them, calling them art, and calling you his canvas, his eyes just sparkle when he sees them.

on his body, he loves knowing that it’s your lips thats making those, it’s your lips on his skin, and it’s your marks. for him. he loves seeing them on himself, often asking you for more, when he sees the older ones fading. “baby, you know i love them,” he’d pout, when you get embarrassed about marking him. “you know i love seeing them on me, they look pretty.”

sᴇᴜɴɢᴍɪɴ || possessive kink/ degradation + humiliation/ brat tamer | now this boy, you know when you’re in trouble, he’s the type to be pissed. he loves putting you back in your place, obviously adding his share of name calling that you love, and know. “now, pup. you know you weren’t supposed to do that, and yet you acted like a brat,” he’d start, his fingers tracing patterns to your body, sending shivers down to your core, knowing you’re going to be punished for acting out. “you love showing how bossy you can be in front of my friends, is that what it is?” his eyes remain on your face when he says this, proceeding to touch you slowly, knowing its torture for you, because you’re obviously needy now, and you craved his touch since forever.

“you wanted to show them that i belong to you, hm doll?” he whispers finally, after touching you for so long, his fingers resting on your shoulder. when you nod at his question, he laughs, finding it amusing that you think he belongs to you. “see, that’s where you’re wrong, pup. you belong to me, that’s how its been. maybe next time, since you seem so keen on being such a slut in front of my friends, i can fuck you in front of them, and you’d still take it,” he starts, sighing, remembering your behaviour when you spoke to his friends when he wasn’t around, the possessiveness coming out of him, eyes filled with anger. “you’d still take it, because you’re so fucking greedy and never satisfied, no matter what i fucking give you. so deperate for me, it’s pathetic, don’t you think?”

when you whine at his words, his hand tightens around your shoulder, fingers curling at your blade, until he moves them so they rest at your lower back, his other hand reaching to cup your clit in his palm. “so fucking wet and i just called you pathetic, you really love being called greedy huh?” a chuckle leaves his throat when you nod yet again, making him start slow motions on your bundle of nerves. “that’s because you are greedy. my greedy and pathetic little pup, all mine to spoil.”

ᴊᴇᴏɴɢɪɴ || pussy drunk/overstim | the way i see it, this boy is obsessed with eating you out, be it for your pleasure or his boredom, he just wants to be between your legs 24/7. he loves watching you squirm under his touch, because he knows he’s making you feel good. he loves knowing that his long fingers can fit in your pussy, and when he feels you get tighter every time he curls them, it drives you crazy, but it drives him crazy as well. he can’t help but let out a groan when he feels your walls clench around his fingers, or his cock.

“shit, baby. i’m trying to stretch you out here, and you’re getting tighter,” he’s whisper against your skin, his fingers pumping in and out of you, watching you grind into his palm every time he gets deeper inside you. “you’re maybe not getting fucked enough by me,” a chuckle leaves his lips when he says this, his lips pressing kisses to your clit, making you lose your mind over the obvious overstimulation that your body is getting.

jeongin loves it when you beg him to stop, because he knows you want it, and more, by the way you keep moving under him, by the way your fingers reach to curl around his wrist. “no, baby. i’m not done with you. you’re going to have to make a bigger mess if you want me to stop. i know you have it in you, pretty, i’m watching you fuck my fingers for the past ten minutes without a break, i’m sure you can take one more, baby.”

🌷taglist— @hwajin  @starlostseungmin  @chrisbahng @niinjo @chvnnie @lixhues @joonszn @evqans @meowtella @janvibutbetter @cherryhanji @blueberry-chan @dnadoublefelixx @ethereallino @stuckwithaphobiaa @teacupjeongin @chewryy @bangchanbabygirlx @meowminhosblog @zizis-world12 @aimeexx @whatudowhennooneseesyou @seobinniesshi @h0neydewmoon