lynrasa

[lynrasa]

Headcannon that Jason got the headstone from his grave and put it above his bed because it says 'Here lies Jason Todd' (he broke off the good soldier bit ofc) and thinks it's the funniest thing ever, some of the family, of course, are horrified.

Dick, at Jason's before they go out on patrol: Hey Jaybird, make sure to bring a spare respir--WHAT THE HELL?!?

Dick, looking frantically between Jason and the headstone: this is clearly a threat. Somebody knows your identity. I swear to GOD when I find who did this--

Jason, looking up from his phone comepletely unbothered: oh yeah, about that

--------

Bonus:

--------

Tim, climbing through Jasons bedroom window: Hey, its me, dont shoot. Do you have a first aid kit here right?

Jason, getting up from where he was reading in bed: ugh yeah sure, one sec

Jason, proceeds to grab a sticky note saying 'DOES NOT' and jabs it onto the headstone so it reads 'Here DOES NOT lie Jason Todd':

Tim:

Tim: okay that's funny

[lynrasa]

Manifesting Destiny

AKA "Danny knows about Bruce Wayne's little adoption habit, so he actively fights back by making digs at the older man's age. He doesn't realize he essentially adopted himself by calling Bruce 'grandpa'!" prompt idea!!

Okay, so 19-year-old Jazz moves to Gotham because Arkham has an psychiatrist internship that guarantees a job after graduation from Gotham-U. She takes a 12-13 year old Danny with because the "ghost attacks" (i.e., her parents are getting very obsessed with dissecting Phantom and it's genuinely worrying) are getting worse. Now Danny's in Gotham Prep... along with Damian Wayne.

They do not get along.

Damian stabs Danny with a pencil, Danny bites Damian so hard that he needs stitches, and the detentions only increase their bloodthirst because, "He started it!!" It comes to a head when Damian shoves Danny down the stairs (he wasn't really meaning to, he just pushed too hard), and Danny goes down hard. As in not-getting-back-up kind of hard. And Damian realizes he just killed a civilian. He's running through contingency plans, trying to figure out whether he can hide the body or if he should confess to Father, when the Fenton boy's broken neck... becomes un-broken?? And he sits up??

So, 13-year-old Damian makes a logical decision. Daniel Fenton is clearly his Arch Nemesis. He's undeniably a meta (perhaps with super-healing abilities?) so he can withstand Damian's too-enthusiastic violence. And Danny's like, this fucker just killed me. I'm going to beat his ass. Except Damian has a really high pain tolerance and is literally the heir to the League of Assassins. Long story short, Damian and Danny have "play dates" where they spend the entire time trying to kill/beat each other up. Jazz is just happy that Danny seems to have made a friend.

Bruce, on the other hand, takes one look at a scrawny, black-haired, blue-eyed kid who clearly has some childhood trauma, and mentally becomes Bat Dad. He tried to approach the subject once. Bruce carefully, tentatively asked, "Do you have a place to stay, son? We have plenty of rooms." To which Danny replied, "I'm not your son, I have a dad!! Why don't you go sit down before you break a hip, grandpa!!" (Tim choked on his tea, Damian nearly climbed across the table to strangle Danny, and Dick - who doesn't even live at the manor, he was just dropping off a case from Bludhaven PD - laughed so hard he cried.)

Except... Danny keeps coming over to the Wayne Manor (since Damian refuses to 'spar' at Jazz's one bedroom apartment, as it lacks a personal gymnasium). And Bruce is still kind, no matter how many times Danny makes fun of him for wearing bifocals or turtlenecks, or when he just straight up calls Bruce an old man. Plus, Damian's kind of mellowed out, too. He's teaching Danny actual sparring techniques, hand-to-hand combat, and explains different types of weapons/how to use them. Alfred brings the boys snacks. Occasionally Dick and Jason will visit for dinner, ruffling the boy's hair and joking about something or another. He's even introduced to Steph, Cass, and Barbara.

It dawns on Danny one evening, when Alfred is readying the car to take him back to his and Jazz's apartment. Bruce is scraping leftovers into a plastic container for Jazz to re-heat when he gets home and Danny's debating quietly with Damian about whether octopi are smarter than Superman. (Damian says yes, octopi are definitely smarter; he's seen Superman mutter to himself "lefty loosey, righty tighty" when trying to unscrew a water bottle cap.)

Then Bruce is handing Danny the leftovers, and Danny distractedly gives Bruce a side-hug, saying, "Thanks, grandpa."

Totally unironically. Danny's internal monologue is just what the fuck did I just say as Bruce slips him a $20 ("For a treat on the way home.") and escorts him to the front door. He thinks about it as Alfred drives him home. Thinks about it when he and Jazz curl up to watch a movie that night. Danny belatedly realizes that he's been unintentionally thinking of Bruce "Serial Adopter" Wayne as his grandfather??? For months now?? How could this happen??

Back at the Wayne Manor, Bruce is still in the kitchen, listening to Damian continue to debate Superman's intelligence while Tim scrolls on his work tablet. He'll probably take the kids, including the newest edition to the family, to the zoo this weekend.

[lynrasa]

Prompt #2

Danny had been having a rather good week recently. He had been understanding the material his professors were teaching, the cafe he worked at hadn’t been attacked all week, and he had been catching glimpses of his favorite vigilante on the rooftops. The only thing that had been bothering him was Jason.

It wasn’t that Jason himself had been bothering Danny, he damn near owed him his unlife after the other insured he would pass his English class. No, the problem came from when they hung out. Danny had been a fairly affectionate person growing up- hanging off of Tucker or resting his head against Sam.

This didn’t seem to be an issue with Jason. After they had gotten close enough the other had seemed alright with Danny’s touchiness. The only thing was- he would sometimes get this really odd look on his face. Like something was bothering him and he was struggling not to say something.

Like right now- Danny was laying nearly boneless against Jason’s side, his core humming contentedly (no it wasn’t purring *Sam*-) like it had been doing since a couple weeks ago. It wasn’t like it was the first time his core had hummed, but it was the first time around someone who wasn’t his family or Sam and Tuck. Jazz had said something about it being a sign of trust and letting his defenses down- but Danny had started to space out around the five minute mark in her rant.

He didn’t think Jason’s odd behavior had anything to do with his core though- it wasn’t audible to anyone who wasn’t liminal enough, and while Gotham definitely did its number on her people, Jason would have had to have been up close and personal with death to be capable of hearing him. Danny decidedly ignored the pull he felt from Jason that was oh so similar to those from Amity.

If only he could figure out just what was bothering Jason.

[lynrasa]

Headcannon that Jason got the headstone from his grave and put it above his bed because it says 'Here lies Jason Todd' (he broke off the good soldier bit ofc) and thinks it's the funniest thing ever, some of the family, of course, are horrified.

Dick, at Jason's before they go out on patrol: Hey Jaybird, make sure to bring a spare respir--WHAT THE HELL?!?

Dick, looking frantically between Jason and the headstone: this is clearly a threat. Somebody knows your identity. I swear to GOD when I find who did this--

Jason, looking up from his phone comepletely unbothered: oh yeah, about that

--------

Bonus:

--------

Tim, climbing through Jasons bedroom window: Hey, its me, dont shoot. Do you have a first aid kit here right?

Jason, getting up from where he was reading in bed: ugh yeah sure, one sec

Jason, proceeds to grab a sticky note saying 'DOES NOT' and jabs it onto the headstone so it reads 'Here DOES NOT lie Jason Todd':

Tim:

Tim: okay that's funny

[lynrasa]

Somehow the whole “baby ghost” thing gets out about Phantom, and suddenly tons of people are trying to treat him like a little kid.

And Danny fucking hates it.

He’s a teenager! As far as he’s concerned, that means he’s basically almost an adult!

If people don’t stop looking down on him and denying his autonomy, he might just end up killing someone. Maybe then they’d finally fucking listen.

[lynrasa]

Tim Drake is a social chameleon. He can switch personas in the blink of an eye depending on the people around him.

You'd never think the rich socialite Timothy Drake that attends charity galas in a suit that costs more than most people make in a year is the same guy that hangs out at the skate park in ripped jeans, scuffed sneakers and loose band shirts.

He effortlessly switches between being the CEO of a multi-million dollar company to being an annoying little brother. Borderline feral vigilante one second to loving boyfriend the next.

His entire demeanor changes, like he's become a brand new person every time. Heck, he'll even change his accent for shits and giggles. Posh, upper class Bristol becoming the filthiest Crime Alley accent ever to assault your ears.

The whiplash his family experiences every time they interact with him fills him with delight.

[lynrasa]

Bruce has a strict 'no metas/powers (except duke) allowed in Gotham' policy in place but it has a clause, BYOR (Bring Your Own Robin)

No one is allowed entry untill and unless they can produce their very own certified robin-shaped identity card

Whenever someone with even a hint of supernatural powers in them arrives at Gotham, they're first met with Bruce standing at the city border with a notepad in hand

Bruce: State your name and purpose.

Kon: Kon-el, here to hangout!

Bruce: Your Robin?

Kon, flourishing Tim from behind him: Ta-Da!

Tim, waves: Hey Bruce

Bruce: Approved, you may enter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Hal: Here to investigate a case, Hal Jordan

Bruce: Your Robin?

Hal: I.... don't have one?

Bruce: Denied

Hal: What?! But-

Bruce: Denied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Yes, Wally, where's your robin?

Wally: Oh shit lemme just- *zaps away and returns with Dick, who was in the midst of brushing his teeth, in a bridal carry*- Here!

Bruce, grumbling a little: Fine. Approved.

Dick: You gotta stop using me as a key already, man

Wally: Blame Bruce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Clark: Clark Kent, here for our monthly barbecue

Bruce: Robin?

Clark, producing an actual robin bird: Does this count?

Bruce:.....yes

[lynrasa]

I mean, if we really wanted comic book movies to be faithful to the source material, rather than spending $100 million on one movie, what you’d do is give $20 million each to five different directors, release all five resulting movies in theatres at the same time, and make sure that each movie’s plot refers to the events of all the other movies’ plots in such a way that whichever of the five movies you watch first will be entirely incomprehensible and every possible viewing order is wrong.

[lynrasa]

The Wayne family decide to do a 24 hour charity livestream. It quickly descends into chaos and so many new memes are born.

The highlights include:

- Everyone painting along to a Bob Ross video - Steph's painting somehow catches fire (it was Damian).

- Damian challenges his brothers to a lightsaber duel

- All the kids vs Tim at Call of Duty. Tim wins.

- Dick kicking everyone's asses at Twister

- Dick and Jason try the milk gallon challenge. It does not end well.

- Tim tasers Jason. They get a paramedic to supervise. It takes both Bruce and Dick to hold Jason steady. Tim is grinning evilly the entire time.

- They try to play Werewolf but for some reason they let Stephanie be the "overseer" - goes about as well as you'd think

- They read fanfiction of themselves. Jason gives constructive criticism.

- The most chaotic game of Cards Against Humanity to ever happen

- Superman makes a guest appearance to read some bedtime stories

- Damian has school the next day so he can't stay the whole time but he does introduce all his animals before he heads off to bed. There are about four new ones Bruce didn't know about.

- Bruce shows off all his kids' baby photos. No one knows where he got them from.

- There is a "Wheel of Destiny". They spin it every hour and whatever it lands on, everyone has to complete that task.

- Barbara is there mostly to monitor the livestream and donations and also tell embarrassing stories about the Wayne kids

- Just Dance Rasputin

- Cass tries to teach her dad and brothers ballet. Dick and Tim do pretty well, but Jason tries a pirouette and lands on his ass.

- Tim does drag to Like A Prayer by Madonna. This is how his siblings find out about Caroline Hill.

- Duke reads some of his poetry. It makes Dick cry.

[lynrasa]

Infinite beings cannot lie.

At least, to mortals.

Ghostspeak/Corespeak is made of emotions and intentions, which when translated into mortal tongue via a translation spell, always reveals their inner thoughts. Thus, no lies.

Danny, however, is still part mortal. He still speaks English. He uses this misconception that he cannot lie to fuck with the Justice League.

-=-

Batman squinted at Phantom again. Since they'd met him, Constantine had to constantly reassure the rest of the Justice League members that yes, everything Phantom is saying is the truth, no matter how insane it sounds, because he cannot lie. His full HAZMAT suit gives away nothing of his face and his subtle glow obscures body language, so Bruce can only trust his instincts.

And his instincts say this is a kid who is fucking around, because there's no way this supposedly timeless being knows how to work a phone, and yet uses slang so egregiously wrong it causes a physical reaction to everyone nearby.

But... he didn't raise so many gremlins for nothing. He's seen worse. Maybe he could just... let this play out. See how long it takes for everyone else to figure out he's not telling the truth.

"Hey Flash, did you know the Speedforce uses she/it pronouns?"

[lynrasa]

I think it would be funny if Bruce found out about Danny Phantom-style ghosts and immediately started reading the leading scientific research on the topic, which of course comes from the Doctors Fenton. So he's got like, a basis of knowledge, and decides to bring in a magic expert. He asks Constantine what he knows about ectoplasm and the Ghost Zone, and Constantine just groans. He can tell you've been reading materials by those Fenton quacks, Bruce. It's called the Infinite Realms you dolt. "Ghost Zone" isn't just inaccurate it's borderline offensive. If you want to call the un-matter of the Infinite Realms "ectoplasm" then sure, go ahead, see how many ghosts want to talk to you. Don't internalize that dehumanizing slop.

So Bruce mentally notes all of that down, and when he finally meets a ghost he makes sure to use the right terminology for the Infinite Realms, and Danny is like, "haha, you mean the Ghost Zone?"

Constantine receives a very passive aggressive email.

[lynrasa]

I say we kill off young justice and give Secret a book where she goes to their specific afterlives to resurrect them, one issue is Cassie in Elysium, the next issue has Kon in a kryptonian afterlife, then Bart in the speed force etc. important to note that Cissie isn’t dead because she is retired and therefore wasn’t on the mission that killed them

[lynrasa]

more comic characters should haunt their writers like how everyone who’s written John Constantine keeps meeting him in dark alleys

[lynrasa]

Danny has insane abilities but watching the Poindexter episode again I realized something. The only real limit ghost have is knowledge of what they can do. Danny doesn't know he can do things until he believes he can do it or has seen someone else do it.

Most ghosts probably don't change up their arsenal is because they are limited to their mentality. They have what they like and are comfortable with that. To change their abilities would mean they are no longer themselves. It wouldn't even occur to them that they can or should.

Technus could transform into a dragon if he wished to but he would never do that. Skulker could grant wishes but that goes against his nature.

Danny doesn't have that problem because unlithem he can change. He can change his mentality and defy his nature.

So yeah Danny could use the powers of other ghosts. Not box ghost though Danny looks down on him too much to actually have a desire for that power.

So when Danny ascends to the ghost throne he his saddled with the summoning.

Each summoning is just a group begging for shit.

So he has fun with it. Turning into dragons, or small animals. Acting like a mischievous Jin granting wishes that always backfire. Taking Ghostwriter's shtick and trapping them in a Groundhogs Day scenario. He's bored and he's obligated to do something if they go through the effort of summoning him correctly.

It was all fun and games until two kids end up summoning him.

"Robin, I don't think this is a good idea."

"TT. Don't tell me your scared. We need to know what this entity is. As long as we do it properly and don't say anything stupid it's safe. So cover your mouth."

Well, this is interesting.

(Danny ends up making a deal with them that puts him in a Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy. He has to be their best friend forever. It's alot of babysitting.)

[lynrasa]

DPxDC Phandom, help!

Someone wrote a fic on AO3 where the Justice League believes the Fentons/GIW, but recognizes that their methods are inhumane and basically builds a Ghost Zoo. Danny, as one of their captives, tries to talk them out of it. It doesn't succeed. I've read it multiple times, but cannot remember the author or the fic name.

(I'm so sorry!) I'm pretty sure I generally find it shortly after rereading The Health and Wellbeing of Hybrid Entities and Danny the Hungry Hungry Ghost, but I checked Tachvintlogic and Faeriekit and it doesn't appear that Tachvintlogic or Faeriekit are the author.

(I will be checking again.)

Please help. I wrote a poem/song based on the fic and want to properly link the inspired by.

Update. It's also not by Historically Inaccurate or halfagone. I now have a 20+ to read tab group going. This may have been a mistake.

[lynrasa]

Chiroptophobia: the Fear of Bats.

Bruce Wayne is Scared of Bats. This is a Canon Fact.

In a difference from canon, Batman pretends to actually BE a bat man.

(Again, “Loading and Aspect Ratio” by JUBE514 situation with fake wings. Please go read it I love it so much.)

Bruce turns himself into a physical manifestation of his personal worst nightmares, and sets out to be a street cryptid. People see him flinching from bright lights and loud noises (he hasn’t slept in three days and he really hates guns) twitching weirdly (testing his wings function/stimming) not fully understanding human social niceties (you cannot tell me this man isn't Autistic) and, duh, wings, and go ah yes this being is Inhuman.

However, people KNOW Brucie Wayne™ is petrified of bats. There was an incident at a party when one flew through a window, another at a zoo, there was this one time Manbat showed up and he practically teleported away. No one saw him for a whole month, even after Batman had captured Manbat. (He got injured in the fight.)

By extension, this means that Bruce Wayne is afraid of Batman. Just- absolutely terrified of him. No ones seen them in the same place. Ever. Bruce Wayne actually publicly refuses to even believe in the cryptid for YEARS past when he's already been proven to exist.

When the Justice League gets called in to protect Bruce and his smattering of children from some plot (batman conspicuously absent, despite Gotham being his territory) Bruce straight up tells the league that he doesn’t believe in Batman, and he feels much safer with “real heroes” rather than “a urban legend spawned from overdramatic furries and gang wars.”

The justice league is, obviously, confused.

Certified little shits Dick, Jason, and Tim, (because we’re going with JUBE514’s canon and jason doesn’t die they’re all brothers f off-)

ANYWAYS: Certified Little Shits Dick, Jason, and Tim, ready for chaos/solidifying secret identities: “Don’t worry! We believe in batman! We saw him!” :D

They then proceed to tell the justice league that Bruce HAS met Batman, but he has a phobia of bats, so when Batman saved them at a gala Bruce screamed so loud and shrill he threw off the bat-hearing and then punched batman in the face so hard he knocked him out cold, grabbed then-baby Jason and ran. (Nightwing and the second Robin had to HEROICALLY rescue a dazed Batman, Dick saw it with his own eyes!)

Bruce was so scared of the bat coming to take revenge that he jumped at every shadow for a whole month. Why, Jason, (who was younger then) had slept in Bruce's bed to keep him safe! (Dick is crooning about his cute little brother. Jason, who is hitting his growth spurt and not a little kid anymore, is infinitely embarrassed.) Right now, Brucie has settled into firmly denying Batman’s entire existence so that he can sleep soundly at night.

“Why is he so scared of bats?” The Justice League is wondering. Oh, they are so glad they asked!

“Alfred told us a story once,” Dick says, eyes wide and innocent as he prepares to lie through his fucking teeth, “that when Bruce was little, really little, he got trapped in a cave filled with bats, and his dad had to come rescue him. Apparently, Little Bruce had been crying about a massive bat, even bigger than he was, with glowing red eyes and human hands and (gasp) wait oh my goodness gracious what if that was the BATMAN :0”

“The baby batman.” Jadon adds.

“Batboy?” Tim wonders.

“Alfred, do you think Bruce met Batman when they were little?” Dick asks.

“I believe,” Alfred “the greatest enabler” Pennyworth hums, offering fresh baked scones to thier gleeful audience, “that Master Bruce referred to what he saw as ‘the bat king’ and reported seeing him outside his window several times over the years.”

“Maybe it really was him! Will you ask Batman for us?” Tim asks, already planning to hack the watchtower cameras and set up some popcorn with his brothers.

The Justice League, who have learned more about the Batman in one conversation than they have over MANY years of working together, tell the Wayne children that it will be their Genuine Pleasure to quiz batman on his interactions with BRUCIE WAYNE who has, apparently, laid batman out cold with one punch.

Alfred adds on that he personally thinks the Batman is being rather courteous to Master Bruce, as “bat king” sightings were after “difficult times” and he doesn’t come near the manor otherwise, as robin had been the one to return some family heirlooms that one time they were stolen. He calls the batman and his robins “polite young gentlemen” and then leaves.

But now the gears are turning in the justice leagues heads. Batman? Courteous? Polite? Batman is not Courteous or Polite. Not unless something else is going on.

Now. From their point of view. Batman lives in the cave systems under the richest houses in Gotham, Phantom of the Opera style, hiding his meta form (because this batman is playing cryptid really well. Maybe he was a mutant baby of some Rich Gothamites, who threw him into the caves in shame!) He’s been watching Bruce Wayne, likely as he struggled with the highly reported on demise of his parents, seeing the effects that crime had on the boy that fell into his cave all those years ago. Batman has always been so protective of children, so hateful of guns, obviously the Wayne tragedy is part of what motivates him. He loves Gotham dearly, territorial of it to the point of keeping other heroes out, and yet he breaks that rule here, for Gotham's prince, solely for Bruce’s comfort.

Bruce, another person who obviously loves the city of Gotham just as much, putting millions into charity and relief efforts. Who is clearly very protective of his children, even if he usually has no spine, to the point of attacking his greatest fear to keep then safe, and good enough to land a hit, even. (Bruce Wayne is also considerably attractive.)

Its all so clear to the Justice League: Batman is madly in love with Bruce Wayne. Has been for years. To the point of watching him sleep, on occasion. How very tragic! Batman, in love with someone he can never be with! Not only would it paint a massive target on Bruce’s back if they ever did get together- there’s no questioning what Gotham villains would do if they discovered this, (and denying himself love out of an attempt to keep others safe is EXACTLY the kind of self-sacrificing nonsense Batman would pull) But Batman can’t even truly see the man he’s in love with without Brucie running away in terror! Well, the poor guy… how sad…

This conclusion can be supported by the following evidence-

Batman being the one to catch the guy who put the hit out on Bruce. He sent them to babysit/make sure Bruce was safe while dealt with the actual threat. (Bruce had a suspiciously long bathroom break/a nap)

Batman’s first appearance being right after Bruce Wayne returned to Gotham. Was the bat following him to protect him in those missing years? Or maybe he decided to clean up the city now that his beloved had returned?

Batman always being seen near where Bruce is. He’s never once been at the watchtower when Bruce has a public appearance- he must be watching over him, a silent guardian in case someone gets it in their head to kidnap Gotham’s Prince.

Batman insisting that Bruce is innocent in a corporate scheme, despite evidence to the contrary. (Hes right in the end, of course, but they’ve never seen him ignore evidence so clear.)

Batman casually referencing Wayne Tech/Foundation inner workings- he keeps an eye on them, of course. (If he can’t be close to the object of his affections, the league reasons, of course he’d make sure that Bruce’s company and projects are on the right track)

Nightwing, when asked, confirms the Bruce Punching Batman story. He says “honestly I think B was impressed! Caught him off guard!” (Since when does Batman lower his guard? Only when he’d be… distracted, perhaps…)

Superman saves Bruce, who thanks him with a kiss on the cheek. Later, justice league was teasing Clark, batman huffs and leaves the room. He’s CLEARLY jealous! Superman feels just awful!

Batman inexplicably knowing social dances/high society manners- he must have learned by watching (stalking) bruce! He can navigate high profile talk if he wants to, he just doesn’t want to most of the time. but if the situation calls for it he can talk like the Richest of Pricks in a way that only comes with observation.

Batman bristling when some of the league members start making Comments on Brucie Wayne’s Physical Attributes. (Jealousy? Defensiveness? Perhaps… embarrassment at GL’s detailed explanation on what he’d do with a chance in bed with Brucie.)

Batman absolutely freezing up when confronted with any of the above evidence. (He’s trying SO HARD not to laugh/go tell his kids)

Dick/Jason being big enough to wear the Bat-wings rather than thier own and be convincing- they save Bruce, though the man passes out (from fear? Blood loss from an injury? Perhaps- he is faking) and Dick/Jason, either out of genuine concern for their dad or general “how can i stir the pot” chaos, gently strokes his hair away from his face in an act of compassion that the cameras just so happen to catch. (There’s a few tears shed in the justice league- poor batman! He can’t be with his love!)

The robins (in both identities) telling the justice league that they've seen batman watching him.

“oh yeah he does background checks on aaaaaall bruces conquests. Had a conniption when brucie found a mafia boss that one time.”

“And when he found out Bruce and Two-face had a fling!”

(The league notes that often, if a criminal gets too close to Brucie, they’re put away not long after. B is usually collecting evidence in his civilian ID. But it looks like angry Batman wanted them to get the hell away from his mans.)

The Justice League is swooning over this tragic, forbidden love story. Batman is a little creepy but hey. He apparently grew up in a cave system. Its a wonder he's as well adjusted as he is. Batman has their sympathy, he seems less unflappable/untouchable, they’re a little more understanding with him now. Superman is all too happy to be a rebound, if needed. There are magic users offering glamour spells. Green Lantern is making exposure therapy innuendos.

The robins can’t believe how lucky they got. They’re def grounded but B can’t be too mad bc his secret identity is FUKIN SET.

Alfred is rather proud of Batman's new nickname in the league being “the bat king” and keeps sending batman along with cookies. The league thinks Batman is checking up on bruce with his butler. Its a mess.

Eventually, Batman loses a bet to one of his kids. Committing to the Bit with an exasperated sigh (he’s definitely not having fun, shut up jason.)

He admits to his crush.

[lynrasa]

Welcome to Danny’s Part 2

People have been asking for more of this ^^ so here you go, have a really long word vomit of stuff i think is funny

(IM NOT WRITING THIS FIC GDI I HAVE ENOUGH WIP’S!)

Danny’s restaurant is ALSO manned by-

Tucker, who will fix your tech for free, has tattoos of hieroglyphics and lines of code that shift around when he gets busy.

Sam, who makes an express line for veggie orders. If you try to order meat from sam all the potted plants start trembling.

Jazz, who has a special booth in the back and Magically makes people dump their deepest secrets to her in streamlined Liminal Powers Therapy. (It’s a bit weird but hey the people she targets feel better so whatevs.)

Dani, who shares pictures from tourist traps she's visited, though there’s also some REALLY WEIRD pics of alternate realities and cult shenanigans mixed in. Some of the older patrons are concerned. She’s a little too young to do all this alone- actually, how old is she? Her father looks like he’s in his early twenties…

Dan, who is working here while “on parole” and often loudly argues with Danny about it.

“I don’t want to work in your stupid shop, Dad!”

Dan is two whole feet taller than danny and three times as wide i will not be taking constructive criticism. He’s a whole silver fox. There are some ladies who have a crush on him and they’re really concerned if he’s legal bc danny is younger than them how is Dan his child-

“Dan, how old are you?”

“I don’t know, like, a hundred sixty something?”

(Lady turns to look at Danny, who shrugs and smiles.) “time dilation. What a world we live in. Dan, kiddo, can you get some more napkins from the back?”

“Ugh, fine, dad.”

The first villain Danny ACTUALLY fights isn’t the Joker. It’s Condiment King. Dan runs away from him, which is already weird bc guy is MASSIVE, and the condiment king chases him bc YES SOMEONE FINALLY FEARS HIM PROPERLY.

Danny bursts out of the shop in righteous fatherly fury and beats the snot out of him. Everyones is confused bc… what? Dan is massive? Why is he scared? Why is the twink beating the snot out of condiment king?

“Dan had a traumatic experience with Burger Sauce.” Danny explains, glaring down at the rouge at his feet. He kicks him, growls, “Don’t mess with my kid.” And walks back inside.

No one asks, bc this is gotham. Asking is rude, and also it lessens the Mystery that is Danny’s. No one knows how the kids came into existence. No one knows, before someone from out of town (metropolis, ugh) asks about the sign.

The sign outside the shop says:

Welcome to Danny’s!

Do no harm and no harm shall befall you.

Start nothing and nothing will be ended.

We have baseball bats and fists and a mean swing.

This establishment does not serve- guys in white (suits), Vlad, Transphobes, Vlad, Clowns, VLAD.

Do not ask for the secret menu. If you can get it, Danny will offer it.

(Don’t scare the other customers, please.)

When asked who Vlad is, bc he’s banned three times, Danny just kind of sighs.

“He’s my kid's other parent. He’s an obsessive creep who completely ignores Danielle because she’s a girl, rolling in money but won’t pay his child support. You know how it is.”

Several goons ask what he looks like so they can keep an eye out. Dani happily tells them “look at Dan, take away Dad’s features, then convert 30% of his height and weight into smarminess.”

It's an effective description. Vlad gets full body tackled the moment he enters the neighborhood. Danny gives the goons free fudge (family recipe, one of the restaurants signatures)

One of the reasons Danny’s is so popular is bc its open 24/7. (Unless its one of those weird times where all the doors are locked and if you look through the window blinds theres nothing but a starry void.) One of the reasons Danny’s is so weird is bc Danny is ALWAYS behind the counter. Always. Round the clock. He doesn’t sleep, eat, anything. Some people swear he has a twin he swaps out with (clones).

Sometimes, after a really difficult customer, Danny will let out a really long sigh and mutter “time out” before glitching into a new position, with a new shirt and combed hair. No one mentions it.

Theres a deal that’s just, “beat danny in a fight you eat for free.”

The deal extends to both Dan and Dani as well. Even if you lose you get fudge as a reward for courage.

No one ever wins.

One time, a couple brought their kid, recently discharged from the hospital. Danny comes over to them and grins. “Hey, kiddo! Bet you gave your parents a scare, huh? Pulled through in the end. That means you get the secret menu!”

Parents: hey wtf?

Danny, handing over a perfectly normal menu: 😀

Kid: “ooh mommy look at the glowy stars!”

Parents: !?!?!?

Danny: 😁

Old man Dave, whose heart has stopped like three times now: “Oh don’t worry about that, prices are the same and it will help your kid feel much better. Danny’s just a little weird.”

After all, it’s not just full ghosts that get the menu. If you’ve been dead, heart stopped, soul out of body before being popped back into place, then you get it. There’s actually a pretty high number of people who get it, bc this is Gotham. People get resuscitated after rogue attacks. The ecto actually helps stabilize their soul after getting jerked between life and death so rudely.

The secret menu that they’re given is just a normal menu, scribbled over top with an ecto pen, invisible to non-secret menu havers. Different “ecto-levels” to choose from, and three extra dishes. There’s also instructions to get into the “back room” for those who can’t go intangible, though it comes with a disclaimer “not for the faint of heart.”

There’s also a small note at the bottom- “do not share food.”

Anyways, as per original post. Tim herds Joker into Danny’s radar bc he Cannot Deal Right Now. He salutes Danny, who waves back, grinning like he didn’t just come at the Clown Prince of Crime like a feral badger on crack cocaine. “Heya, Red Robin! You want a coffee?”

“Please.” Tim sighs. “You’re the best, Danny.”

Jason looks between tim and the shop danny just vanished into. “Uh, what?”

“Danny doesn’t like clowns.” Tim explains. “Or condiment king. They get close, Danny takes them out.”

Jason is incredibly confused, bc he just came back from an out of town mission, but this place is right on the edge of his territory and he should definitely know about it. He asks tim, who just shrugs.

“That shop is weird. It’s like a grocery store at 3am. I stumbled in there after a rough night and Danny just whipped me up the best coffee i've ever had. Still can’t find their website. I swear it’s bigger on the inside and the door keeps swapping from one side of that fire hydrant to the other.”

Danny comes out and passes Tim a massive coffee cup. “Come back and talk shop with tucker, okay? You’re welcome any time. Both of you, actually.”

He gives Jason a weird look and then goes back inside.

Jason, who is a little concerned that the reverence tim has is more than his average weird worship of coffee (it's just that good) goes back the next day in civvies.

He gets offered the secret menu, danny does the eye thing, Jason retreats to look at the secret menu. Unsure of what just happened, he texts tim.

Jason: Why was i given a “secret menu”

Tim: WTF WHAT DID YOU DO TO GET THAT

Jason: IDK THATS WHY IM TEXTING YOU

tim: I'VE BEEN GOING FOR MONTHS I’M A LOYAL PATRON WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DONT

Jason: the secret menu apparently (image)

Tim: …thats just the normal menu???

Jason: no? It looks like a kid went ham with a neon green marker tf?

Duke: you know this is the family chat right?

Steph: order the waffles

Jason: you order the waffles. Wtf is an ecto-level.

Jason asks for what danny recommends, Danny immediately gives him a milkshake and tells him it's on the house bc he “looks rough.”

Jason is kind if offended, bc he actually got a decent sleep- but then he tries it and its like.

Oh.

Now. Between the stink Tim is making, and the sudden worship that Jason has of this shops milkshakes, the BatFamily is now Curious and will Investigate.

Are the milkshakes really that good?

The full force of the Wayne Family™ isn’t exactly subtle, so they go in twos and threes over the course of a week.

Damian gets offered the secret menu, and is also directed towards Sam’s express vegetarian line. Danny just Knew. Damian accuses Tim and/or Jason of pulling a prank on him, but they both swear up and down they didn’t say anything.

Both Steph (i think? Did she fake her death or actually die idk) and Cass get the secret menu, and they keep trying to ask Tim what certain things on the menu mean. Tim Cannot See what they’re talking about. He’s starting to get frustrated. Is it some sort of magic spell?

Tim takes Kon to Danny’s. (Is it a date? A test date on a low-stakes investigation? Maybe.) Danny, who is really starting to enjoy messing with Tim, gleefully offers Kon the secret menu, and Tim the normal one. Tim bangs his head on the table.

Dick doesn’t get a secret menu, but he does notice a couple disappear through the wall. He’s almost certain he’s seen them before, but it will be a while before he remembers Kitty and Johnny from his early Robin Days.

Duke is also not offered a secret menu, but he can see the writing anyways. He can also see that some of the patrons have weird auras, and what on EARTH is up with Danny himself? He tries to ignore it, up until Steph gets him to order one of the specials off Cass’s (secret) menu. And Danny just kind of sharpens, the air going cold.

“I didn’t give you that menu. Just because you can read it, doesn’t mean you want it. Order off the right menu, please.”

Duke, freaked the hell out by the Biblically Accurate Horror that Danny is shifting into, orders off the right menu and apologizes.

“Oh, it’s alright!” Danny flips back to cheerful in seconds. “It’s just that it wouldn’t be completely healthy for you to eat it, even if you are part immortal.”

Duke bluescreens.

Alright, somethings definitely going on.

Tim and Jason both order the same thing- an oreo milkshake, one off the secret menu, one off the normal menu. Jason confirms the one from the normal menu does not taste the same and isn’t as good. Tim cannot confirm the other way around, because Jason nearly punches him when he attempts to taste it.

They take samples home, analyze them, and go over anecdotes from other patrons, trying to figure out what makes Danny’s so weird. What makes Kon, Cass, Jason, and Damian different?

Wait a second. Kon, Cass, Jason, Damian. The ones that died and came back to life.

It’s around this time that Dick remembers where he’s seen Kitty and Johnny before. Lovers from two houses, both alike in (in)dignity, had a romeo-and-juliet-esque escapade across Gotham, ending in high speed chase with Kitty’s gangster father and a fatal motorcycle accident. Both are dead. Both are in Danny’s.

Danny’s has something to do with death.

Having heard a couple stories about food of the dead, they notify Bruce (who is very concerned as to what exactly his children have been putting in their mouths) and then call in the magic users of the justice league.

It’s a mess. Dan calls Constantine a whore. Deadman and Secret (i think thats Tim’s ghost friend?) get abducted to the backroom. Dani clocks Capt. Marvel as another kid who looks older than he actually is, with magic powers, and his showing him her REALLY interesting travel photos. Zatanna is like “this place needs an exorcism” and danny just goes “ma’am please don’t exorcize my customers.”

Tag list (if you saw me attempt this before no you didn’t)

@nappinginhell @apointlessbox @thegatorsgoose @chaos-n-kindness @mimilikey @phoenixdemonqueen @treepainting @sjrose1216 @akikkobara @malice-of-the-sunrise @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @randomkiddoscrewingaround @call-me-strega @blankliferain @somera-rubina @wordsgohere95 @rukiaai @mirellacoco @stargazing-bookwyrm @bathildaburp @littlefeather345