lyss-butterscotch - Tumblr blog

[lyss-butterscotch]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[lyss-butterscotch]

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

[lyss-butterscotch]

The art of violence

[lyss-butterscotch]

The art of violence

[lyss-butterscotch]

I think the jackhammer genuinely killed my mouse. Like my left mouse button is almost unresponsive now because i keep holding it. So i cant even play ultrakill right anymore sobs

[lyss-butterscotch]

I may not fully understand the new alt weapon but being able to nyoom full speed at something, slap it with a hydraulic press, then get flinged back with the power of a thousand suns while your enemy gets absolutely ATOMIZED makes brain go :)

[lyss-butterscotch]

Ultrakill 7-s spoiler

Painting the world red

[lyss-butterscotch]

Ultrakill 7-s spoiler

Painting the world red

Edit: i tried getting it down to 0% but i covered the entire floor idk what else i missed hasjkdkasdsad

[lyss-butterscotch]

Me when things are going so well according to plan so early in the morning so i have an entire day to not worry anymore and do other things

[lyss-butterscotch]

Enot in the style of Madoka Magica's witches

[lyss-butterscotch]

still the funniest plot point in all of pmmm that Homura Akemi is a 14 year old magical girl who realized that her sparkly transformation sequence did not come with a cutesy custom weapon like everyone else's so she just went online and googled "how to build a bomb"

[lyss-butterscotch]

(Sideblog run by @chaotic-minds-think-alike )

Place to store all things about my rw ocs, mainly my iterators! Asks may occasionally open... ———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-— The Cortex Local Group is a group of 4 iterators primarily focused on void fluid research and its effects on living beings. They are reserved and communicate only when necessary due to three of them being in troublesome states.

A Bright Future [ABF] : communications are CLOSED Early Warning [EW] : communications are CLOSED Eight Strikes [ES] : communications are CLOSED Faulty Functions Beyond Repair [FFBR] : communications are CLOSED ———-———-———-———-———-———-———-———-

Tagging system:

#ABF - all posts featuring A Bright Future #EW - all posts featuring Early Warning #ES - all posts featuring Eight Strikes #FFBR - all posts featuring Faulty Functions Beyond Repair #lore related - important lore #creature database - wildlife exclusive to the local group #ooc - self explanatory

[lyss-butterscotch]

could you do. Robo suns?

Theyre seven red suns only when they close their eyes ironically

[lyss-butterscotch]

My pet peeve is now people who do the ASMR finger taps / drums on literally everything they show on the camera

No stop it its not nice when you do it on a crinkly plastic wrap

[lyss-butterscotch]

I dont post art for weeks and my followers list is rampant with 20+ bots.

Please if youre new to tumblr, CHANGE YOUR PROFILE PICTURE. YOUR HEADER. YOUR NAME. POST SOMETHING JUST SAYING YOURE NEW TO TUMBLR OR SOMETHING. Ill auto block you if your blog is empty

[lyss-butterscotch]

Crisis averted. Bamboozled the heck outta the professor by being a complete nerd 😎

[lyss-butterscotch]

When all else fails. Just watch funny lil anime cats bounce adorably

Genshin impact but ... cats!