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We looked inside some of the posts by m4sc4r4 and here's what we found interesting.
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Whenever they’re like listen we’re worried about giving you adderall because there’s addicts lying about having adhd I’m like ok why the fuck do I care? Give it to them too!
#they want us to hate addicts so bad#my friends ex partner was on the oh no they’re taking away our access train#and it’s like but you realize they could literally just make more adderall#this is a made up problem and I refuse to let the blame be shifted#from America’s most powerful gatekeepers onto a vulnerable group of people
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Im undoing knots in my head lately just learning to treat myself like I’m not fragile and doubly learning that actually it’s ok for me to be unpalatable to other people. I can take care of myself well enough that I don’t need to earn others’ love
#when I was a kid the idea of making it to adulthood without ever having a solid mentor figure#was so terrifying that I did everything and anything to seem small and lovable#which also made me keenly aware of all of the demands adults unthinkingly place on children#now I’m grown and realize that I just needed agency all along
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my cat fursona named Saelehm (Salem)
(HE/HIM) 🏳️⚧️🐱
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[“The important thing to know about giving is that you can’t give something you don’t own. You have the right to say no and the skill to say no. You have a limit to what you are willing and able to give, and that is a good thing. Only to the degree you take responsibility for those limits can you give a gift, and as you do take responsibility for your limits, you relax and become generous within those limits. Your giving becomes a real joy. If your giving is not a joy, it’s a signal that there is some limit that you are ignoring, haven’t noticed, or don’t have the skill to speak. There is a direct correlation between the responsibility you take for your limits and the ease and joy you feel in your experience of giving.
Giving is not the failure to have a boundary. It is not acquiescing, placating, or tolerating. It is not going along with something because you don’t know how not to. It is not a begrudging assumption that there is no other choice. It is not “getting a better attitude” about something that is happening. Are there times in life when we do need to placate or tolerate? Apparently so, but I don’t consider those giving. Giving is wonderful and empowering—unless you can’t do anything else. Give from your heart, not your compulsion.
Giving is not all or nothing. You get to choose how much you give. It’s not doing something so that you get a response you want to see or a feeling you want someone else to have. That is not giving; it’s strategy. Giving is not an investment in a future result (even if the future is thirty seconds from now). It is not the only way to connect, a way to impress the other person so they like you, a way to make them feel indebted to you, a way to make yourself feel worthwhile, or a way to avoid the vulnerability of receiving. Giving is not always pleasurable for you, but it is naturally satisfying.”]
Betty Martin, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent
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I think if you only want to top that’s good and great and I also think that more people would respect and feel comfortable with it if topping and bottoming weren’t conflated with “giving” and “receiving” so often
If certain sex acts are seen as generous while others are seen as selfish, of course people are going to be uncomfortable with the implications of someone only wanting to do one or the other.
#the more I live my life the more I agree with Dr Demon Prince#people who reduce sex down to a moral exchange are to be avoided#the idea of only ever ‘’receiving’’ from someone conjures up the dread inducing feeling#of an ever-accumulating debt that can never be repaid#however someone enjoying topping and owning that enjoyment because it’s what they like#doesn’t make me feel that way at all#one feels like an underhanded trick and the other feels like a normal sexual boundary#obviously boundaries are important regardless of you phrase them but#there’s an obvious difference between phrasing that makes unsavory moral implications about me and one that just is as it is
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parents be like you can’t imagine how hard it is for us to deal with your mental illness
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It isn’t that older people dating and fucking younger adults is inherently bad or predatory. It isn’t that it’s a midlife crisis or that we’re just so developmentally different I’m not on the same level as them or that we’re just not in the same stage of life or whatever. I’m pretty convinced life doesn’t even have stages like that anyway.
My problem is none of those things but that a lot of older people who I’ve dated or been fwb with paid lip service to seeing me as an equal but in practice they didn’t respect my autonomy. I’ve noticed this pattern where older people assume that the younger people around them will grow into whatever they find the most appealing, and they feel like they have the right to personally ensure that happens regardless of how the younger person actually feels. It speaks to a lack of understanding that younger people actually have interiority.
It sucks heavy to give someone a chance, only to realize that they don’t see you as a real person with unique feelings and experiences. Instead of seeing you, they’re projecting a less developed version of themself onto you and talking to that caricature through their interactions with you. It sucks to have someone try to hijack your body and your life “for your own good” and not even realize the level of entitlement they’re showing.
#like it’s not a fucking problem that the wrinkly old man is attracted to me idgaf#the problem is when I pay him some attention and he turns around and#condescends to me about how I’m not experienced enough to realize I actually do want to have vaginal sex#or rolls his eyes when I mention my political beliefs and says I’ll grow out of them and then guilt trips me every time I#hang out with my likeminded friends#or asks me if I recognized my own feelings of attraction to him instead of admitting his feelings for me#this shit is so condescending and paternalistic but I rarely see anyone actually mention it#instead they basically validate these people’s false perception of their own superiority#it’s like yea maybe you lived longer but clearly not long enough to learn#that everyone has different bodily preferences and different likes and dislikes in relationships#and that there are some people who you just won’t agree with or understand#and that in all of these scenarios these people have the right to exist as they are#not everything was made for you and not everything is going to conform to your understanding of things
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Anyone else play with those paper doll fashion activity books? I used to love making my own clothes : )
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