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[mabetancour]

via @indiarosecrawford

𝑓ₒᵣ ⲕᵢ𝑛𝑔 ₐ𝑛𝑑 𝑐ₒ𝑡𝑡ₐ𝑔ₑ

[mabetancour]

Jukebox in My Mind

Song 2: Easy Come, Easy Go

***trigger warning for mild violence. Sexual harassment/assault and manipulation.***

Met the small group of survivors after crossing the lake and getting on the road out of Austin. Felt good to be moving with a group after all the silence. They were three, a group of gals from the university. Tough as nails and determined to get home to New Braunfels, Buda, and Corpus Christi. If they would do it I couldn't say. All I could do was drop the next quarter into that jukebox and let the music move us along our way.

The girls, Jessie a short stocky tattooed ex bartender, Denise a slim, tall, well muscled crossfit instructor, and Elena from how she described herself, the THICC STEM student; all managed to get across the water and were whispering loudly when I came up out of the brush. Whispering, mind you, was as accurate as calling a machine gun a water pistol.

Gun in hand I offered words of peace hoping they would respond in kind. They stood there mumbling to one another in slang I was to old or uncool to know; all I could hear was the man himself "King George " singing from his corner

"No fault, No blame, No body done no wrong... "

Introductions were slow but eventually Jessie recognized me from the Book Fest fliers and conceded to working together instead of me shooting, them attempting to beat me with their bats, and someone surely dieing.

"That's just the way it sometimes goes..."

We traveled the road for two days before arriving at Buda. It was a long drudge of a walk that started of with joking and laughing amongst the three. The obvious relationship between Jessie and Denise strong yet strained. Yet seeming to function in spite of the horror around us or as Elena considered it. It only works cause there were no other options. We took little time resting. Just resupplied up, filled a kid's wagon with water and headed out. The problems started shortly there after.

Movies give you, well maybe it would be gave you now? Not like anyone is going to shoot a feature film anytime soon.

"Sometimes two people just don't get along..."

Movies give you this idea that a journey like this would be fraught with perils. Scores of bandits, road warriors, marauders, and monsters of all sorts. Gunfights, high speed dirt road chases and hand to hand battles that would give Chuck Norris pause but its the monotony that was the actual problem. Real or imagined threats aside, what really got us? How easily we got on each other's last damn nerve.

"It's time to hit the road..."

Our final night together was a novela over layed with a soap opera and bad comedy. I took second watch, which took me from bout midnight as best as we could tell to 4am. It was the ideal time for my own thoughts. I had apparently brought up my marriage, my baby girl, my life so much on reflex that well the girls were sick of me. Sick of the mention of what I held in my mind. Just utterly disgusted to a level of loathing that before we could finish the dinner of Ranch Style Beans and Jerky looted from a gas station; Elena snapped at me for being an over simplistic idiot.

Or a simping idiot. Either way the message was clear. We were fraying and no work between the four of us was going to pull the stress we felt.

"Goodbye, farewell, so long..."

So I sat on watch listening to the wind and what eventually resulted in the fracture. Elena had made a move apparently. Had begun groping on Denise and neither I nor Jessie were aware until the girls were tumbling and scratching at each other.

Elena crying in anger, Denise yelling from being assaulted, Jessie grabbing her bat, and myself, pistol in hand looking every which way I could while this played out.

"... vaya con Dios..."

Jessie ran at Elena screaming obscenity after obscenity. Creative slips of the tongue that I can't even recall now but had impressed the shit out of me when it was happening. Elena returned in kind, dodging Jessie's swing with a low duck and came out with blade that only God knew where she had stashed it. The gash she made from Jessie's right flank up across her left breast couldn't have been very sharp but it bled like it was. Her shirt was pasted, torn to her body from bleeding. Denise screamed and dove for Jessie as she fell, Elena screamed like a predatory bird, and I shot her.

"Good luck, Wish you well, Take it slow..."

The bullet slammed into her left shoulder pushing her forward and around. She spun into the ground like a downed dove during hunting season. The audible smack was only overshadowed by the crying, screaming and cussing from everyone. Including myself. There isn't any reason to lie. I cried. I hadn't meant to shoot a kid. A young intelligent woman. Well prior to her turning into whatever predatory thing that came out of her tonight.

Denise did her best to bandage up Jessie. I took to Elena who had opted to attempt to unsuccessfully slash at me. The vest from Rodriguez stopped the bulk of her attempts at me. She eventually stopped trying as soon as I touched the gunshot wound. Bullet passed through, so closing and cleaning were my best guesses.

The sun was coming up by the time everyone was settled. Elena pleaded through miserable pain to just be allowed to hold Denise. Calling for all to be forgiven, especially how she had innocently gone below Denise's pants. She stood up head held high, framed by the orange morning sky.

What was a little heavy petting between friends?

Denise threw an uppercut that sat Elena right back down. Blood ran from her nose, tears poured down Denise's face and Jessie was forcing herself to sit.

"Easy Come Girl, Easy Go..."

Elena walked off bandaged and bleeding into town. Shouting back that we were lovers.

NO!

Simps to a world that was gone. That she knew better than to trust some gym slut, her heavy dike and an old fuck. I didn't holster my gun until she was well out of sight.

"Easy Come Girl, Easy Go..."

As for Denise and Jessie, they split food and refused to go any further with me. How could they trust someone who both didn't help them at all and did to much by simply shooting Elena. I mean she was still their friend right? It hadn't been the first time she tried something like this. Had it really been ok then? Manipulated, taken advantage of, and convinced it was ok?

"Easy Come Girl, Easy Go..."

They rationalized the best they could while I continued on alone. I wouldn't let this ruin anything now. I need to get home. Get to my family. My wife and my daughter.

"Vaya Con Dios. Good Luck."

Just going to do this one song at a time.

[mabetancour]

JUKEBOX IN MY MIND

I have been singing out loud for days now. Music drives me home from what I hope still can be considered Austin, down towards 410 and on to my favorite memories.

I remember the morning the bombs had gone off. Nothing nuclear. No, the goal had been to destroy but not erase people. Not to poison. It was supposed to be a routine trip. Fly in for the University of Texas, participate in the Literary Festival and make it home by the weekend.

Back to my wife, my daughter, those fated memories. That was 3 weeks, two separate ATV's, a barely running pickup and 8 clips for the standard issue Austin PD handgun I pilfered ago.

I admit teaching Communication to college students was not a skill set I figured would be crucial to survival, but when the world has gone to Hell, the least we can do is communicate. So here I am. Wearing a Cowboy hat to fight off the February sun, a duster to hide the vest and gear I pulled off that Officer. Pushing forward through our once famously weird state capital towards my favorite memories.

Rememberance is a kindness, and it seems to be all that I can do now. Now that it's all gone. One moment, a thousand flashes, a resounding crash and then silence. The world ended in bangs and flame only to begin again in silence. Have to remember, cannot nor should I forget.

What was that Officer's name?

Rodriguez I think his tag had stated. Poor guy wasn't anything more than a corpse, lost to debris or worse when I found him. I can only pull the brim of my hat down a bit in salute for the loss and gain that was Rodriguez.

It's been way to long trying to get out of this place. Buildings crumbled, bridges destroyed and so much death. It's all in the corner of my mind. Hiding under the songs that give me my favorite melodies.

So now I take what I can and cross over the lake and get on my way. Like an old cowboy humming my intent, and singing when fear or desperation grips me.

"In the corner of my mind..."

I will get home. Come Hell or high water.

"Stands a jukebox..."

My family is waiting.

"... and it's playing my favorite memories..."

Just got to keep the trail moving until dark.

"One by one they take me back. To the days when you were mine..."

Back down south. Back home. Back towards the Rio Grande.

"And I can't stop this Jukebox in my mind."