maddythemidwife - Tumblr blog

[maddythemidwife]

@hopefulapricothorseflap​ @ju1esp​ @a-for-antisocial​ @elgarcia36​ @motherofthebride-posts​ @jlorhodes​ @pamoneuk​ @retiredlayabout​ @richardson59​ @annemariaworld​ @suzyparbou​ @susieq64​ @madmoser​ @alisonog1​ @nikif18​ @rupequiney​ @weepingroadpatrolnickel​ @gotta-have-faith​ @100237uc​ @palomaglenister​ @latinafranco​ @lisbethrosenqvist​

[maddythemidwife]

@hopefulapricothorseflap​ @ju1esp​ @a-for-antisocial​ @elgarcia36​ @motherofthebride-posts​ @jlorhodes​ @pamoneuk​ @retiredlayabout​ @richardson59​ @annemariaworld​ @suzyparbou​ @susieq64​ @madmoser​ @alisonog1​ @nikif18​ @rupequiney​ @weepingroadpatrolnickel​ @gotta-have-faith​ @100237uc​ @palomaglenister​ @latinafranco​ @lisbethrosenqvist​

[maddythemidwife]

@hopefulapricothorseflap​ @ju1esp​ @a-for-antisocial​ @elgarcia36​ @motherofthebride-posts​ @jlorhodes​ @pamoneuk​ @retiredlayabout​ @richardson59​ @annemariaworld​ @suzyparbou​ @susieq64​ @madmoser​ @alisonog1​ @nikif18​ @rupequiney​ @weepingroadpatrolnickel​ @gotta-have-faith​ @100237uc​ @palomaglenister​ @latinafranco​ @lisbethrosenqvist​

[maddythemidwife]

@hopefulapricothorseflap​ @ju1esp​ @a-for-antisocial​ @elgarcia36​ @motherofthebride-posts​ @jlorhodes​ @pamoneuk​ @retiredlayabout​ @richardson59​ @annemariaworld​ @suzyparbou​ @susieq64​ @madmoser​ @alisonog1​ @nikif18​ @rupequiney​ @weepingroadpatrolnickel​ @gotta-have-faith​ @100237uc​ @palomaglenister​ @latinafranco​ @lisbethrosenqvist​

[maddythemidwife]

Bonfires, old friends, bad jokes and Steve’s explanations

Been really busy working on my craft room, but we had an evening out in East Sussex with old friends......

So lovely when you sit in a room with people you don’t see very often, but that you’ve known for so long, that it ‘s like putting on a pair of old slippers....... that’s the Ice Hockey family for you!!

Adam had a load of old wood that needed burning, and is going to miss the village fireworks next week, so he had decided to have a bonfire on his field behind his back garden. Anne had made an enormous chilli, beer and Prosecco was flowing and we laughed and laughed...... (he didn’t announce that it was his birthday the following day.....anything to avoid the birthday bumps, eh Ad?)

Steve tried to persuade us all that an ancient statute was still in place which dictated that “a man could shoot his wife with a longbow, if it was on a Sunday afternoon”, as well as persuading me to ask Siri why Fire Engines are red (don’t bother)...... but my favourite bit of unnecessary etymology was how did blow jobs get to be called blow jobs.... apparently (according to Steve so it must be true) prostitutes in the time of Nell Gwynn (this was a Steve ‘s historical reference.... how many famous prostitutes do you know? ) would offer a man a favour which could be carried out “ below the table” ....... hence the offer ........ “would you like a below job, sir?”

A fitting end I think........

[maddythemidwife]

Cartoonists wanted

I now have four cartoons depicting ...... wait for it.......#kickthatuterusintotouch (hashtag - such a millennial)

So please - spread the word. If you know anyone who can (or even can’t) put pencil to paper, or finger to iPad....... I’m trying to collect a gallery of cartoons depicting the kicking of the uterus!

I’ve had a great few days...... suddenly become “a lady who lunches”...... was always my aim!

And last night I went to a Bodyshop party at my colleague Susan’s house. Peter was slightly miffed that I was going out YET AGAIN (especially as I hadn’t had time to cook a meal before going - because I’d been taken out to lunch 🤗) His suggestion to me?

“See if you can buy a new body...... one with big tits, and a tiny waist , and nymphomaniac tendencies........”

What? With his heart condition????

[maddythemidwife]

Thanks to Steve Edge

I had the privilege of meeting Steve earlier this year when I was the celebrant at Kathy Goldstone’s Funeral.

Steve is Kathy’s nephew- one of the most inspirational people you could have the pleasure to meet.

“What goes around comes around....”

https://youtu.be/Ck-V0fg8rjA

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[maddythemidwife]

POSTED TOO SOON - MADELEINE - what’s in a name?

I couldn’t quite work out how to post Sid’s cartoon, and then write afterwards - so here’s my second blog of the day, which follows on from the first!

Anyone who’s known me since before my midwife days, will know me as MANDY. My parents gave me such a pretty name, Madeleine, and then my dad thought it was too grand, too old, too posh, too proper... all of those things, for a little girl, and shortened it to Mandy (all my life people have called me Amanda, which has driven me crazy)... when I stopped teaching (that’s a whole ‘nother blog right there..... another day)...and I started my midwifery training, I was known as Madeleine, and it just got shortened to Maddy - which I like - often abbreviated to Mad - which makes me laugh -or Mads or Madz - which I also like....so these days I answer to anything, but it can lead to confusion!

So back to the topic in hand - COMMUNICATION - I was reflecting upon pictures.... Sid’s cartoon - (I await further artistic efforts peeps). And then this leads me nicely to :

TABLES (also pictures, or pictograms) and here’s the thing....I’ve already said I’m going to use the term Cancer to describe my condition, but, imagine my surprise when I logged on to E rostering to endeavour to input my October mileage figures..... (this is a new thing... no more writing down all the postcodes we visit on a daily basis at work - we now have to digitally input them, and then the computer tells us how far we have driven..... although the computer LIES (c word) because it doesn’t know about the road works, accidents, malfunctioning traffic lights, errands etc etc etc that befall a humble community midwife, who uses her own car to go to work)..... SO there I was - opening up my `EMPLOYEE ONLINE app so that I could look at the expenses claim facility and this is what I saw:

WEEK 44

Cancer

Cancer

Cancer

Cancer

and so on.....spreading off into the distance! Is this right I thought to myself? No. It’s not. That really is the C WORD in capital letters. Whoever designed this software package clearly has not one ounce (or gram if we’re European) of sensitivity.....

I can take it. I can see the funny side. (Alison T. aka Peanut Butter Alison and I laughed about it - what’s Maddy doing next Tuesday? Oh yes.... Cancer next Tuesday....)

But there are a whole heap of other people who are going to be reeling from the shock of a cancer diagnosis, and are not feeling confident or happy, and are going to be devastated by this stupid, stupid, stupid, completely insensitive and unnecessarily blunt input of information..... because that’s what it is. INPUT OF INFORMATION.

Computers don’t have feelings. They are incapable of treading sensitively.

But someone who wrote that programme should.

And someone who input that data also should.

And there isn’t any reason why the word SICK should be enough to inform............

That’s the pictorial representation of the C word - and I’m not talking CANCER. 😳

[maddythemidwife]

COMMUNICATION

4.40 am (looking at the clock)

I’ve written his title in capital letters, mostly because I think it’s SO important! (And I am very excited because I have worked out how to give my separate blogs titles now...... it wasn’t tricky. Duh.)

Over the last couple of days since my appointment at the Marsden, I have reflected upon how we communicate with one another. I’ve found myself to be giving information ( to friends and family and colleagues ) in order to update them - and intitially I found it hard to find the right words to use, but then (after the first time I said it), i found using the term “since this cancer thing” to be the easiest. So many people have said to me “the c word” and I wonder if this makes it worse? I’ve always considered the C word to be, you know, the C word....I can’t say it - never could, hate it with a passion.... four letters, and rhymes with BLUNT, HUNT, SHUNT, PUNT....(can’t think of any more rhyming words at this precise moment in time.....04.44 am). That’s the C word - so when people tell me not to be defined by the C word - well. I DON’T WANT TO BE! I’m not one of those!

Cancer. It’s a disease. It’s horrid. I know that. We all know that. It’s whispered behind hands when we tell one another about its next victim. That’s one of the reasons why I decided to let everyone know on social media about it happening to me. I wanted to make sure that everyone knew, because one of the things I’ve always found difficult, is how to talk to someone (when they haven’t told you themselves). If you address the subject to the individual concerned, you’ve obviously been gossiping about them, behind their back....it’s what we do...we communicate.....we share information...we actually CARE. But we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, because we know they’re probably hurting way too much already. I wanted to make it easier for everyone - well, in truth, I wanted to make it easier for ME! I loved going to the Marsden, because as I’ve already said, cancer is the norm there..... no whispering, no eyes sliding away, no pussyfooting, no beating around the bush. CANCER.

Because I’m off work (still feel guilty about this), I’m bumping into lots of people around Addiscombe that I don’t normally see so frequently and (is my wont) I’m having lots of conversations (more time to interact) instead of charging around and rushing off to work.

I have lived here in this house for 27 years almost, and know lots of locals obviously....seen lots of folk come and go....and have been a busy bee in the local community - the boys all went to the local primary school, and uniformed organisations, sports clubs etc and I was on the various parent committees for all of them - so i do know loads of people - from the local postie, to the shopkeepers, to the man who cleans the pavements, and even to delivery drivers and so on and so on...... I find myself singing out hellos left, right and centre.... and what do we say?

“Morning! Lovely day! How are you?”

to which the response tends to be

“Great! How are you?”....... and we often don’t stop to listen to the reply......

Rest assured, I’m not telling literally EVERYONE about my cancer. I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward. But I have found myself having a wry smile as I wander off down the road, and thinking... “but I’m NOT fine! Am I?”

Actually... I am fine. I really am. I feel completely normal. I’m very lucky that I was diagnosed before the disease made me feel ill. I didn’t get any of the scary symptoms (losing weight????? SADLY NOT!). I’ve just laughed with Peter because he commented how nice it was that one of our old friends had sent him a text asking him if HE was ok.... (thanks Susie P). He doesn’t know - well he didn’t until I just told him..... that LOADS of people have asked him if he’s ok, and are the boys ok? Yes. We’re all ok. Thanks everyone. I haven’t particularly told him that loads of people have asked him if he’s ok, because if I do.....he’ll start to get worried - and we don’t need that. We’ve had the conversation about cooking the Christmas dinner. (2 years ago when I severed the tendons in my thumb, in November, his immediate response was “BUT WHO’S GOING TO COOK THE CHRISTMAS DINNER?”) This year, it’s become a bit of a joke...... “this won’t affect the cooking of the Christmas dinner will it?” Hopefully not darling...... hopefully not.

So....I’m ruminating about how we talk to one another. And this lead me to discuss other forms of communication....

PICTURES? Yup. ALready asked if any of my talented creative, art friends could come up with cartoon ideas. Thanks SId. You were fist - love it.

[maddythemidwife]

Dates

Been to the Marsden today (with my minder) and have been booked in for surgery on Thursday 22nd November.

Apparently my surgeon is a Dutch lady who is a specialist in Robotics so be prepared for a change when you see me afterwards..... some sort of android resembling a young Jane Fonda would be the box I might tick.....

The Marsden is a remarkable place - the overriding impression I’ve come away with is how cancer is so “normalised” there.....

Ned and I did just manage time for a treat - cake for brunch in the Hummingbird cafe at South Kensington. Defeated by the portion size...even Ned.....

Now going for a nap. #knackered

[maddythemidwife]

Royal Marsden (posh branch)

Today’s the day I get to meet the team who are going to kick this uterus into touch (credit to Maria for the analogy)

Ned is coming with me to hold my hand, make me laugh, absorb information, create a major league role reversal, and carry me out in the unlikely event that I might swoon...... ( we’ll quite possibly eat some very expensive South Ken food too before he goes off to the RCA to continue with his mysterious studies......) and then I shall come home...... before going out again with my surrogate sister Ali to see “a Star is Born”...... Peter thinks that this cancer lark is an excuse to enhance my social life because all I’ve done since getting this diagnosis is go out and have fun........ I think there’s a moral in there somewhere!

Looking forward to getting a date for the radical (makes me feel political) hysterectomy so that I can join an online group called the Hyster Sisters.... here we go

[maddythemidwife]

IN LIMBO ..... but feeling blessed

Here I am. October 28th (Denys’s birthday) and it’s 7.20 am (morning the clocks have gone back - I feel for all you peeps out there with small children) .... wait a minute! We’ve got one of those in our house today too. Zephy’s here! And Josh sent me a text to let me know he (Zephy’s Dad) was staying with a friend last night as was ‘stuck’ in London somewhere. The days have gone when I worry about the boys out in the big city on their own...I think that they’re big enough and ugly enough to look after themselves now!

Zephy managed to sleep through despite his dad not being there when he woke up, and is now chattering to Uncle Rupert (downstairs hungover on the sofa after only a few hours sleep, not realising I had made him up a bed in my soon-to-be-crafting room) and playing with a duck whose neck stretches and plays a lovely (annoying) tune.... and he’s discovered today “LOOK MUMPY! The duck’s head squeaks too when you press it!”....I now know why this duck was a bargain in the local charity shop. Rupert has now relocated to the made up bed, Grampy is on Zephy duty and I can continue with my blog in peace (having cleaned up Zephy who did a poo in his pull-ups - probably his innate response to discovering he was in his bedroom alone, with no parent, and no-one nagging him to go to the loo........)

SO - reflecting..... here goes:

*************************************************************************************

It’s 37 days ....... since I noticed a spot of bleeding. The day I was setting off to Cornwall to go to the Looe Music Festival with my old friends Ali and Sue - we were planning a weekend of childish and positively teenage behaviour. We did manage this, and my fun wasn’t spoiled by the irritating occasional spotting that I had for a few days.

*************************************************************************************

It’s 32 days ......... since my GP appointment when I mostly complained about my aching knees and mentioned I’d had this bit of bleeding. She said she’d refer me to Gynae Oncology as a matter of form, and not to worry when the letter came with an appointment .... “probably just a polyp”....

*************************************************************************************

It’s 18 days .......... since the appointment at Croydon University Hospital in Women’s Health when I had a transvaginal scan, and the lovely gynae nurse specialist with an Irish name (too many vowels) told me she could see some thickening in the endometrium, and it was “probably just a polyp”.....

*************************************************************************************

It’s 11 days ............ since I had a hysteroscopy under GA. I’d been looking forward to a nice, drug induced snooze, and then the reassurance from the doctor that it was “probably just a polyp” but that it had gone now.......... NO. This was not the case. The lovely doctor came to see me, sat on the edge of my bed, leaned forward and gently laid her hand on my forearm....... this was not feeling like a reassuring “just a polyp” speech.

“Madeleine. It looked very polypy in there. It looks like cancer”

Cancer?

CANCER?

How could this be? There’s no cancer in my family. A whole heap of other things, like fucking Friedreich’s Ataxia and cardiomyopathy. BUT NOT CANCER!

I was then offered another cup of tea (2 cups of tea on the NHS? Must be serious....) and then...I WAS VISITED BY THE MACMILLAN NURSE! Suddenly I had been catapulted into a play and was playing a part I hadn’t learnt the lines for.....

The MRI scan was ordered for three days from then, on a Saturday. SATURDAY!

*************************************************************************************

It’s 8 days ........ since my emergency Saturday MRI scan (“welcome to The CLUNKCLUNK Clunkety-clunk hotel California “ ..... see previous blog) and then another three days during which time I researched and researched and assimilated an awful lot of information.

*************************************************************************************

It’s 5 days .......... since I saw the lovely Dr Maha in Gynae outpatients when she broke the news (well, I knew anyway by now) that the histology and the MRI leads them to believe that I have Stage 1b, grade 2 endometrioid adenocarcinoma and that she was referring me as a matter of urgency to the Royal Marsden and all I could do was smile. Because this was music to my ears. I had discovered that 90 percent of uterine cancers are endometrioid adenocarcinoma- but the other 10 per cent are something much more sinister and much more scary..... so yes. I was relieved to be in that magic 90 per cent. I told Dr Maha about there not being any cancer in my family - but then also realised that my mother had died when I was 5, and her mother before her too had died when she was five...and I have no fucking idea whatsoever about that side of my family! My mother died when she dove into a swimming pool, pregnant, and had a PE.... I don’t know what happened to my maternal grandmother, no-one ever told me.

*************************************************************************************

In 2 days ...... I am going to the Royal Marsden with my son Ned in attendance (at least he’ll be able to carry me if I faint) to meet the team who are taking over my care. I hope that I’ll have a date for surgery so that we can get semi-organised.

*************************************************************************************

How am I feeling?

I am feeling blessed.

I feel so lucky that I mentioned to the GP that I’d had a spot of bleeding.

I feel so lucky that my uterus told me what was going on.

I am overwhelmed with the outpouring of love from family, friends and colleagues alike who are accompanying me on this journey, fingers and toes crossed , sharing stories of happiness and hope.

I am grateful for the constant messaging checking that I’m ok.

I am grateful to be a part of the workforce that is the NHS.

and ....... really grateful for this extra time off work. SORRY GIRLS!

And now I’m off to take my mad friend Denys out for breakfast to celebrate her birthday.

[maddythemidwife]

The most beautiful bouquet I’ve ever seen - found behind my wheelie bin when I got home today!

Hurrah for the TSUNAMI of St Helier Midwives. 💕

[maddythemidwife]

What happens when.....

you’ve been diagnosed with cancer - everybody gets in touch regardless of how busy they are!

Just had the best time with my baby cousin Ruthie..... my namesake (middle name) and my familial doppelgänger.

South Bank beautiful in the Autumn sunshine...... pizza Express delicious, glass of Pinot Grigio went down a treat too.

Thank you London - for being beautiful!

[maddythemidwife]

APPOINTMENT

So impressed with this rapidity!

Appointment at the Chelsea Marsden next Tuesday?

Yay for the NHS!!!!

[maddythemidwife]

INSOMNIA!

3rd night in a row.......

Thank goodness for iPlayer, all4 and generalised catch up..... ooh and books, and social media......

And a comfy bed.....

Why do brains work multiple times faster at night? I certainly didn’t notice this when I was rostered to work at night - or on call for home Births.

Bizarre things......brains.

Ok. Bake Off 😊

[maddythemidwife]

A lazy day

Today I worked out how to write a blog (I think) and spent a morning doing it.

I also managed a spot of filling and rubbing down in my soon to be created craft room......

I am overwhelmed with wonderful wishes from my nearest and dearest , friends who live in far flung places (including a video of good wishes from toddlers - thanks to Rob Breskall), and wonderful messages from people I love and who I’ve known for many decades - or some of my students who I’ve met in recent years.

I’ve had such lovely messages from old friends, from my boys’ old friends, from wonderful supportive colleagues and from mums who I’ve got to know and live through work. Phone calls from my cousins too. Always uplifting.

Thank you all.

Feeling happy and positive - so much so that I’ve treated us to a Zafran takeaway and a large Cobra this evening!!!