mademonstrous - Tumblr blog

loser. it should mean nothing. if they were smarter, better — if they were anyone else, really, maybe it'd roll off jiha's tongue and straight into the abyss just like that. it’s one loss, tania could bite back. big fucking deal. it's not as if jiha has never lost to them. how long have they been trading blows and trampling over each other? how many times have their roles been reversed, jiha hounding down on them in her loss? they could let it go. and yet; one point cherry. their jaw locks, fingers curling down tighter around jiha's shoulders. distantly, tania wonders which of them looks the prey and which the predator. like this, jiha is a feral animal backed into a corner, her long dark hair splayed behind her and framing her features against the pastel pink ferrari. tania bites their tongue — hard.

the red of it peeks out from between their teeth. they’re a prey ready for the kill. all tania needs to do is reach over. lean in and bite. they're so close. and then jiha’s fingers settle around their throat, caging them in even with her pressed back into the side of the car. who's the prey and who's the predator tonight? tania snarls. "i do want to kill you," they say, like it's a fact as much as it is a threat. what they don't say is that the alternative is much more terrifying. they think about whatever violent red string exists between them. being this close to jiha is a curse. it's a sickness tania can't get rid of. their fingers move from the slope of jiha's shoulders, closing around her wrists instead. two claws clamping down and squeezing. maybe they can cut off the circulation from her hands for payback if she's going to squeeze the air out of their lungs.

i'll do it myself, tania thinks. i'll cut you open. except the truth is: if you die i die, too. they can see it in jiha's eyes. she's going for the kill, too. one of them has to move first. jiha does. closes the space between them, biting and clawing. lips against lips. tania's eyes fly wide open. their jaw unhinges, lips moving before their brain registers what they're doing. their teeth catches jiha's bottom lip. if they bite back, will they be even? their tongue slots between their teeth and brushes her lips, fingers tightening around the hands on their throat. i do want to kill you, tania tries to say. a bite is a bite is a bite. they pull back, panting out, "is that what this is about?" equal parts a challenge and a taunt. "do you want me that badly, cherry?"

for @mademonstrous ...

she was six years old the first time she saw a man bleed to death. a child's game of hide and seek ushered in the loss of her innocence, and brought along an awareness of her mortality with it. death had never been a stranger for as long as jiha could remember; it lived with her in her childhood home, an extension of her father's shadow. it was hard to fear the familiar— maybe that could explain it, the lack of self-preservation she possessed, the clearest manifestation always presenting itself when she was racing, like she really was trying to meet that old friend again. there's a split second when it feels like she might. there's a split second where she almost doesn't hit the brakes, where she let's her car slam fully into tania's instead. the white-knuckled grip on her steering wheel falters as her arms shake from the adrenaline, her heart leaping into her throat. the world that had gone fuzzed at the edges rears back into focus the moment jiha steps out of her car, but it's not the rush of the cool spring air, nor the confirmation she was, in fact, still alive that does it. it's how tania grips her by her shirt, and the slam of her exposed skin against the smooth metal of her ferrari. “can't handle it? you're already a loser— didn't peg you for a coward, too.” it's the gnash of a cornered animal, the ragged breaths shared between them drowning out the sound of her own voice. thoughtlessly, her eyes dip down to the rapid rise and fall of their chest, and for a moment she's overtaken by the sudden overwhelming urge to mark the other the way she had their car, to sink her teeth and not let go. and then tania's leaning in, and jiha's gaze snaps back up to meet theirs, a warning flashing beneath the darkness. “you're all empty threats you'd never dare carry out on the track. and for what, some bullshit semblance of morality? at least i don't pretend to be something i'm not.” she's yelling now, canines snapping in anger, in hunger, in something she has no name for. when jiha reaches out, it's with the intention to shove tania off of her. instead, her fingers wrap around their throat, feeling the way the other's pulse flutters beneath her grip, firm like she was locking them in place. “if you want to kill me,” she starts, the sound of it a running motor, a feline purr emanating from deep within her chest. “there are better ways.” the breath that separates them is closed, the lung of a wild thing, lips meeting theirs in way that's more bite than kiss.