Exactly two people on the planet are allowed to wear a wifebeater tucked into jeans
That will be all; I wonât be taking questions.
241K notes
·
View notes
in el tango de roxanne when the narcoleptic argentinian goes âROOOOOOXANNEâ and ewan mcgregor is like âWHYYYYY DOES MY HEART CRYâ and the violins are just freaking out in the background thatâs the most intense moment in film history
93K notes
·
View notes
social media was a good development because back in ancient greece it didnât exist and people would just be yelling their opinions in the city square instead and the only way to block them was murder or exile
87K notes
·
View notes
ghostbusters are always like who are you gunna call? ghostbusters! but itâs hard enough to call the doctorâs office iâm not gunna call the ghostbusters iâd just live with a ghost in my house forever
392K notes
·
View notes
shoutout to me for still not having my driverâs license
702K notes
·
View notes
James: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?
Sirius: Iâm a knife.
Remus, from across the room: Heâs a little spoon.
3K notes
·
View notes
Person A: I- I think Iâm in love with you
Person B: What do you mean you think? Iâm a god damn miracle. You should know youâre in love with me.
6K notes
·
View notes
Person A: I have a plan.
Person B: Does it involve us not getting into trouble?
Person A: I said I had a plan, not a miracle.
8K notes
·
View notes
Person A: If karma won't fuck you, I will.
Person B: Is this a pickup line or a threat?
Person A: Both.
12K notes
·
View notes
Sirius: I completely stand by what I said when I was drunk.
Remus: You were yelling at me about how we donât deserve ducklings.
Sirius: Listen. We live in a cruel, disgusting world that is dark and angry. Have you seen a duckling, Moony? They are soft, fluffy and pure.
Remus: ...are you crying?
Sirius: They are entirely too pure for this ugly world. We must protect them.
4K notes
·
View notes
Inspired by @its-hp-bitch
I tried to add the hyperlink to the original post but stupid Tumblr mobile donât let me, sorry:(
7K notes
·
View notes
Sirius: *playing out of tune guitar*
Remus: Do you take requests?
Sirius: Sure.
Remus: Please stop.
4K notes
·
View notes
Serious Puns
1st year:
James: So I'm thinking we all need to dye our hair red and gold.
Remus: You're not serious.
Sirius: No, but I am!
2nd year:
James: Peter, the joke's gotten pretty old, don't you think it's time to stop?
Peter: Oh come on James, don't be so serious, that's this one's job! *points to Sirius*
3rd year:
James: (polyjuiced to look like Sirius) Ok, so you're sure you can ace my Astrology exam?
Sirius: (polyjuiced to look like James) As sure as you are about my Potions exam!
Remus: I can't believe you're actually going through with this. I thought you were joking.
James: Moony, I have never been this Sirius in my life.
Remus: I hate you all.
4th year:
Sirius: Hey Moony, I don't think I've ever heard you make a joke about my name.
Remus: Puns are the lowest form of humor.
Peter: Bullshit! You make other puns all the time!
Remus: Maybe I just don't like going for the low-hanging fruit.
James: Hey now, I'll have you know I take my puns very seriously!
Sirius: I do everything Sirius-ly.
Remus: *sighs*
5th year:
Lily: Why don't any of you ever use the word "serious?"
Sirius: They can't say it with a straight face anymore. It's a Sirius problem.
Remus: *rolls his eyes, smiling* You're awful.
6th year:
Lily: *storms in, glaring at James* Singing roses? Delivered in class? Are you fucking serious?
Remus: No, I'm fucking Sirius.
Sirius: ...Wait, that's what you meant when you said you wanted to wait until the right moment to tell them? You were letting me mope about keeping a secret from our friends for weeks, just so you could make that joke?
Remus: ...Yes.
Sirius: I think I'm in love with you.
6K notes
·
View notes
Sirius: I am really bothered by the fact that gay marriage is illegal just because some people think it's disgusting. I think peas are disgusting but we're noT MAKING THAT ILLEGAL ARE WE!
James: What's wrong with you, peas are delicious.
Remus: Gay people are delicious too.
Sirius: no dessert for you until you eat all your gays.
Lily, just walking in: what
Remus, deadpan: be quiet and eat your gays
10K notes
·
View notes
Iâm a sensitive little demon
89K notes
·
View notes