maemaybe - Tumblr blog

[maemaybe]

sleep deprived girl who is usually a people pleaser wakes up tired and chooses violence (decides to say no to things that are exhausting and can’t give a fuck about what people think because she’s trying to get through the day and go back to bed)

[maemaybe]

My stomach hurt so I had to delay taking my prednisone. Taking my prednisone late means I'm now wide awake at 3am. I am so tired of all the ways that having this disease fucks up my life.

[maemaybe]

The thing is, I don't think our inner world can be a safe space for all of us at the same time.

We have competing access needs.

[maemaybe]

I can't stop thinking about what our therapist said about our inner world.

She said that what we need is an inner world where all the little parts can be safe. She said it should be some place that has everything they need and nothing that will hurt them, nothing they don't want.

I told her we already have an inner world and I told her about how it's not enough because we still feel the hurt and stress from the outside world.

But I keep thinking about what she said, because maybe she's right? Maybe our inner world isn't actually that safe? It does have bad stuff in it. But what am I supposed to do about that?

[maemaybe]

NO MEANS NO but so does: “i don’t feel like it” “not right now” “i’m not sure” “i’m not comfortable with this” “i don’t like that” “let’s just chill”

[maemaybe]

When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

[maemaybe]

[maemaybe]

honestly really sexy of tumblr to keep follower numbers private. how many people are following me? you'll never know unless I tell you. maybe it's a million, or a thousand, or five, or maybe it's just you. maybe you're the only one here, all by yourself, unable to see if there's anyone standing next to you.

and you'd never know, because status here is based on opinion and not numbers; how popular you think someone is is a vibes-only calculation, and besides the chronological algorithms-optional feed, it's genuinely the best thing tumblr's ever done.

[maemaybe]

[maemaybe]

[maemaybe]

logging onto tumblr dot com to see what the freaks have to say about the ghoul in fallout

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I really didn't think I'd like Maximus as much as I do. I'm normally uninterested in the Brotherhood of Steel, especially the way Bethesda tends to present them. I find it pretentious and a tad annoying. And Episode 1 felt like it was trying to do that.

And then we saw how pathetic the Brotherhood is. And Maximus really just wanted to be a silly little guy with power armor. He just wanted to live a carefree life eating oysters and popcorn in a Vault. He just wanted to save a pretty girl. He just wanted to not be bullied anymore.

And I love him.

[maemaybe]

fallout tv series + onion headlines, okey dokey?

[maemaybe]

sometimes your disability actually does stop you from achieving the things you want to do

[maemaybe]

The Fallout show is pretty fun so far. I still have 3 episodes to go. Everytime Lucy said "Okey dokey", this was all I could picture.

[maemaybe]

I've been in a weird, dissociated, soupy sort of mode lately. Maybe it's rapid switching or blurring or something? I don't really know. I think it's okay though. I think that it's working for right now.

We've baked bread almost every day for the last week. We've been cleaning and organizing the house, doing little projects that make life feel better. We joined an in-person D&D game. We made plans to do all kinds of things we haven't been able to do in a long time.

So even though things feel messed up, they are okay. We're making sure everything is okay.