i cannot rise to a state of being nor collapse into nothingness
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Koloman Moser
Der Vorfrühling, 1901
color lithograph on Ver Sacrum (2)
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Moon Sliced , 11 PM - Sarah Carvell , 2023.
British , b. 1964 -
Oil on canvas , 22 x 26 cm.
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— Frank Bidart, from “Half-light: Collected Poems 1965-2016; ‘The Third Hour of the Night’", published c. 2017.
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My illness - she follows me around. She is both gentle and harsh at the same time. Although she may seem arbitrary, she has a pattern and a path (that I don't fully understand) - she is smart. She is a she because she feels feminine, more than anything else. So I describe her as if she is human, because she is alive. Not only is she alive, but she is attached to my living body; inseparable.
She takes a lot of different forms, merges into different shapes. She is an embodiment of my trauma . She is always with me, and I love her. I'm attached to her, yet she causes me a lot of pain. I have learned to be okay with it. Even if it's excruciating when someone leaves me. Even when it's a result of my own impulsive and reckless choices. Even when i'm so lost I can't think straight and when I don't know what is real and what is not anymore.
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Sergiu Ciochina (Moldovan b.2001), Me, or the Moon Watching Me, 2024, Oil on board
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Peter Brown (British b. 1967), Back From School 2, Oil
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“listen to your body” what if my body says do whatever you want all the time
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“Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isnt the way they actually are.”
— John Green
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“I dont want just words. If thats all you have for me, youd better go.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald
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