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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

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He.

Before I disappear again for a while, it's about time Burnout got some update.

I feel so crushed I won't be able to watch my boys this weekend to the point I might forget all my feelings for them. Yeah, I'm a dramatic bitch.

Maybe I need a break from them and other things in life. But for now, enjoy this Jaehyun-centered piece.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: 2,290 approx.

Additional notes: Italics are Y/N's thoughts.

---

Maybe it’s time to fall in love again.

It has been what, two or three years? You couldn’t remember exactly how long your last (and probably greatest) relationship was. It felt like an eternity ago.

You felt you changed so much, but at the same time you also felt like the same old person. Did that make sense to anyone?

As Mark Lee pushed you toward his bandmates, you couldn’t help but feel both annoyed and nervous. He was adamant that you meet his crew since you’ll be hanging around them more often, but he kept slapping your back like an excited seal. You tried your best not to wince at his slaps and keep smiling for the sake of not leaving a bad first impression.

The main point of Mark wanting you to meet his bandmates was for you to be in a relationship again. He knew his friends were good-looking – he is too, but he won’t admit that straight out – and maybe you’ll want to stay in this place longer.

“Mark, that’s enough. She’ll have a sore back with what you’re doing,” a black-haired guy with a baritone voice said, and when you looked at him, you felt more nervous than annoyed.

He was handsome. You knew your eyes would be on him all night. Your heart fluttered when he smiled at you, and you bowed your head in response.

“Sorry about that. You know how I am when I’m excited,” Mark giggled, before he tilted you to face his friends. “Hey guys, this is Y/N. She’s my childhood best friend, and we reconnected last year when she moved here.”

You waved and introduced yourself, and everyone seemed delighted to meet you. Mark’s bandmates consisted of Hendery, their drummer and standup comic in the making, Jeno, their bassist and veterinarian, and Jaehyun, that guy whose looks have already captivated you.

He shares guitar duties with Mark, but he also serves as the main vocalist of the group. He works in marketing, which isn’t far from the industry you were in. Mark used to work in the same team as him, but your best friend quit when he realized he wanted to focus on his music and other artistic pursuits.

“Y/N. That’s a beautiful name,” Jaehyun said, smiling at you again. Your eyes focused on his dimples and how his eyes almost turned into crescents.

“Thank you, Jaehyun. Yours too,” you mumbled, looking at the floor to hide how flustered you were.

“Call me Jay instead.” When you looked back at him, he held his hand out for you to shake. You took it, and he gripped your hand tightly. “I look forward to getting to know you more.”

///

“Is he really like that, dude?” You asked Mark when you watched Jaehyun converse with a couple of girls after their performance.

“What do you mean?” Your best friend raised an eyebrow at you, not sure what you were getting at.

“Does he flirt with every female in the planet?” Your eyes were drawn again to the girls who were giggling at whatever he said, and he was smiling all throughout.

“He’s very friendly, I must say…” Mark also observed the scene across him. “But you know that friendliness can be misunderstood as flirting. Especially to the ladies. Which you are telling me right now.”

You slapped his arm in response. “I was just curious! It seems like every girl would fall in love with him in an instant.”

“Are you jealous that you’re not the one he’s talking to?” You didn’t expect the guy beside you to be that frank. He was usually the one that kept the conversation going in circles.

You slapped his arm again. “Bold of you to assume that, Mark Lee.”

“Well, I did see how you looked at him though! So, will he be the one who’s going to make you fall in love again?” Your best friend nudged you repeatedly and made silly hooting sounds.

You pinched his sides this time. “Why are you so hung up on me having a relationship with someone? You know that I’m not looking for anyone right now.”

Mark’s answer stuck with you: “Because you deserve it. You deserve to be loved. Your heart deserves to be healed from its trauma, and aside from yourself, maybe someone else can teach you how to love again.”

You let the chatter inside the bar drown the thoughts you didn’t want to think about now.

///

You were getting along with Mark’s band mates just fine. No one made a move at you, and you were hoping your best friend didn’t tell them about his plan for you.

All of them were gorgeous, but there was something about Jaehyun that your eyes kept gravitating to. You liked to observe him in your mind: his ears turn red when he is shy or embarrassed, he has pronounced canines, and he has a deep, hearty laugh that Mark liked to copy.

You weren’t in love yet. Maybe you have a silly, harmless crush on him now. He hasn’t done anything to you that will top the things your ex has done for you.

Speaking of the devil, your mind wondered about that asshole briefly. Where could he be right now?

“Hey daydreamer,” an angel whispered next to you, and next thing you know a bottle of beer was placed on your hands by Jaehyun. “Care to share your thoughts?”

“Oh. Sorry, I was out of it,” you chuckled, readjusting the bottle about to slip from your hand, “I tend to do that often when I’m left alone. I’m sure most of us do that?”

“Here, let me help you,” he took the beer bottle from your hands and placed one of his hands over yours. Your mind noted his hand felt warm. It made your insides feel warm as well. The hand on top of yours adjusted your fingers to hold the cold bottle, and you can now hold your beverage properly.

You whispered your thanks, and he smiled in return. “And you already know what I drink!” You checked the bottle again in your hands to see that it was your usual lager.

“I might not look like it, but I’m observant,” Jaehyun toasted his bottle with yours before you two drank in unison. “It’s been a few weeks since we got acquainted, and I noticed that you always order that.”

“Great catch then,” you giggled, taking another swig of your beer. He was now seated beside you as you watched other bands perform in the bar. You didn’t have a moment like this yet, and you were a bit afraid of what might happen next.

“Isn’t that you?” You heard him say, but when you asked him to repeat what he said, he just laughed. “Forget it. I was making a joke.”

He might be flirting with you, but you might also be overthinking what he said. The night is still young, and there are still many things that could happen.

///

That fateful evening, as your mind liked to call it, was the start of your blossoming friendship with Jaehyun.

After he handed you that beer and sat beside you while watching bands in the bar, it has become a part of his routine to do so. He would talk to you about anything and everything when the show was over.

“There are other girls you could sit with. I won’t mind,” you told him after finishing your second bottle of beer. You eyed the girls in a nearby table who weren’t shy looking at your seatmate.

“I’m not interested, and I feel comfortable here. These are nice seats to watch the bands, you know?” He gestured to the stage, where a man was playing a saxophone.

“That’s fair,” you grabbed another beer bottle from the bucket in the middle of the table, “and darn it if I don’t get good seats to watch the bands.”

You beamed at him for your minor accomplishment, which he returned by squeezing your hand. This was unexpected. You shook your head to clear your head from assumptive thoughts.

“Are you okay?” He squeezed your hand again. You nodded, trying to relax from his grip. “We can get out of here if you don’t feel well.”

You might be hearing things, or you might be misunderstanding them again. Why are you so opposed to liking someone else? The rational part of your mind questioned, which you ignored.

“I’m fine, Jay. No need to worry about me,” you smiled, hoping that reassured him. “Can you let go of my hand now?”

But when he didn’t respond and stared at your face intently, you gulped. Maybe your thoughts were headed in the right direction, only you stopped them from forming inside your mind. You can’t fall in love just yet.

“What if I don’t want to?”

You swore his voice became deeper. You could only stare at your hand in his grasp. He tightened his hold before letting go and running his fingers over yours.

“What do you want from me?”

Your voice sounded small and afraid, which was opposite to your intentions. Being the observant person he is, he sensed that you were uncomfortable. He took his hand off yours hesitantly and placed it on his lap.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with that. It’s just…” he scratched behind his neck, a sign of nervousness, “I like you. There, I said it.”

His ears were red with his sudden confession, and you felt your cheeks have turned in the same hue. This was too good to be true, right?

“I like being around you. I enjoy our conversations after the shows, and I learn a lot from you,” he continued when you didn’t say anything, “And I hope we can continue that not just here, but elsewhere.”

The rest of the world has become blurred to you except Jaehyun. You watched him tell you more about what he liked about you at this point, and the way he shyly looked up at you made you feel fuzzy inside.

Go for it. Let him in. Maybe it’s time to fall in love again.

The rational part of your mind – are you sure it’s the rational side? – told you, and it felt like it was déjà vu. You’ve heard that line somewhere already.

You took a deep breath, hoping that moment helped collect your thoughts. You faced him confidently, saying: “I like you too, Jay. I would want to go beyond what we’re having now.”

\\\

Have you found love again for real this time?

You asked yourself this while embracing Jaehyun.

You were still in disbelief that things between the two of you flowed wonderfully. You agreed to see each other exclusively, and before you knew it, it had been more than six months since you got together.

You buried your head on the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. You always felt comforted with his presence, and you couldn’t imagine life without him now.

You had a hard day at work, and when you went home to the apartment you shared, you searched for him immediately.

He was in your bedroom, listening to one of your favorite LPs while he scrolled through his phone. But when he saw how distressed you were, he stood up to engulf you in a hug.

It had been a couple of minutes since you embraced, and none of you wanted to pull apart.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. God, his voice was something you couldn’t imagine not hearing.

“Work,” you croaked, tightening your hold on him. “Will it make you feel better if you tell me about it?” He carried you to the bed and placed you gently beside him.

Was it all too fast? Are you sure you’re in love?

Your mind bothered you again with another silly question. You were enjoying the warmth from Jaehyun’s body as both of you cuddled on the bed.

It was another horrible day at work, and he listened to your woes. He held you in his arms as you whined and cried.

Deep inside, you felt horrible. Things are going to become a terrible routine for you two if you keep doing this. He can’t always solve everything.

You shook your head at your thoughts and noticed that his sleeve was damp. Crap, you cried again.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” His voice was gentle even though he was worried. You looked up to see sincerity etched on his face. You cried even more, feeling like a mess that could not get fixed.

You should be happy that you’re with someone again. He might be The One, you know?

Another voice in your head made itself known, and it sounded chipper. You wiped your tears on the back of your hand to look at your boyfriend.

Many girls would kill to be in your position. You had already written a novel on all his great qualities in the recesses of your mind. But maybe, it will help if you could re-read that to remind yourself you were a damn lucky bitch.

“I’m sorry I keep on crying, Jay…” you mumbled, burying your face into his shoulder. “Maybe I’m about to have my period,” you reasoned, chuckling at the absurdity of your reason.

“I understand,” he kissed the top of your head. “What do you want for dinner?”

His question sparked joy inside you, and the mopey girl from minutes ago disappeared. Food is the way to anyone’s heart. Any partner should know that by now.

How could you be uncontended with this?

---

FIN

P.S. There's a part of me that finds the progression of their love story a bit fast, but please let me know what you think.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

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There’s a fic on fanfiction(.)net that I’ve kept tabs on for years to see if it’s been updated or not. While I’m no longer even in the fandom it’s written for, it just has one of the greatest storylines I’ve ever read. Last time it was updated was 2011.

The other day, I decided to reread the entire thing and leave a very in-depth review of what I thought of each chapter. I also mentioned how I started reading it when I was 13 and am now 21, but always came back to see if it was ever finished because I loved it so dearly.

Today, said author sent me a private message saying that her analytics showed that the story was still getting views even after all these years, but no one ever bothered to leave reviews other than “update soon!!!”, so she never felt motivated enough to finish it. She said that me reviewing every single chapter with lengthy paragraphs made her cry and meant the world to her. She also mentioned that she felt encouraged to write the two remaining chapters needed to complete the story and that she would send me a message the night before she updates the fic.

I’m literally sobbing. I’m so excited :’)

Please always remember to leave a review when reading fanfiction!!! It means a lot to a writer.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

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Guilty

Dear. M made me do this. I'm posting the Jaehyun content I have written so far, and I will continue to write more.

For context, this brain fart is part of the main timeline.

There's something about an angry and heartbroken Jay that makes me want to write more...

Anyway, mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 3rd person

Word count: 890 approx.

Additional notes: I'm glad I could write the other 127 members in, especially Yuta. I'll make it a goal to include the rest of NCT in my stories when applicable.

---

Yuta felt sorry about how Jaehyun turned out after Essie called off their affair.

When Jaehyun came home from his solo project, he smoked and drank consistently after his schedule. Sometimes he drank whiskey in the mornings and decided to have a pack of cigarettes for breakfast. It was unfortunate that he coped in this way. Although it’s one of the many ways people do so, it is destructive in the long run. Yuta had to intervene; hence, he knew everything there was to know about this week-long rendezvous.

While he took it all in stride, he felt uneasy in knowing what would be one of the dirty open secrets the group now has.

As he watched Jaehyun singing his feelings out in the karaoke booth, he glanced at Taeil. The eldest in the group seemed unaffected by the situation as he flipped through the songbook, looking for another song to sing. It was just the three of them this time – Mark was busy as always, and Jungwoo had more hosting gigs these days.

“Fuck this shit,” Jaehyun growled, yanking the collar of his shirt angrily, “why can’t I still get over her?”

“Let it all out, bro,” Taeil said calmly, scanning intently for the number of the song he wanted to sing. “You’ll get over her eventually.”

“You know, Jay,” Yuta started, “Things are going to be different now, especially if Johnny figures out what you did with his girl.”

“I don’t care,” the youngest groaned, throwing himself on the sofa. “This fucking sucks.”

“Both of you are adults who made this choice, so you’ve got to live with it,” Yuta’s tone was firmer this time. “But that was very dumb of you, Jeong Yoonoh. Why did you even propose that idea to Essie?”

The sound of glass shattering on the floor startled the two older guys, and they saw Jaehyun had just flung the glass of water on the wall. He covered his face afterward, hiding the angry tears flowing on his face.

“You little shit,” Taeil grumbled, looking at the mess he made. “You have to pay for that.”

Jaehyun’s actions were getting on Yuta’s nerves, but he didn’t want to make a commotion. He took deep breaths to calm himself down, not wanting to engage in his friend’s bullshit.

A moment of awkward silence ensued before the heartbroken man spoke. “I thought she liked me. I thought she would choose me. I thought once I have her, I’d stop fooling around.”

Taeil and Yuta looked at each other, loss for words on what to say. They weren’t involved, nor would they like to be involved, in Jaehyun’s affairs. Each had their own lives once the cameras were off, and they tried their best not to get entangled in another’s business.

“You know what, Jay?” The eldest said, sporting a wicked grin on his face. “To make up for your shitty behavior tonight, I’d like you to sing this song with all the emotion you have.”

Like an obedient younger brother, Jaehyun stood beside his hyung and put in the numbers of the requested song. Yuta raised an eyebrow at them both, with Taeil holding his laughter.

“What are you up to?” the Japanese guy mouthed to his former roommate as the singer immersed himself in the song he was about to sing.

“As I’ve said earlier, he has to let it all out.”

When the iconic saxophone intro of George Michael’s (formerly of Wham!) infamous song played from the speakers, Yuta rolled his eyes at Taeil’s suggestion.

Jaehyun gave a memorable performance of the song despite his vocals sounding a bit strained due to all the crying and screaming he did for the past few weeks.

It was during the bridge part that he almost lost it.

“We could have been so good together; we could have lived this dance forever. But now who’s gonna dance with me? Please stay,” the tears pooled once again in his eyes.

The memories were still too fresh for him to forget. Fucking Essie felt so good, and he never wanted to be apart from her. They had intimate dances under the stars and by the shore. It felt surreal, but alas, all good things come to an end. It might be good for him, but it shouldn’t be.

Once he was done singing, he kept to himself on the sofa. His hyungs took their turns singing, and he watched them enjoy what they were doing.

From time to time, Yuta checked in on Jaehyun. It was always the same when they went out to karaoke bars: he would stay still, his eyes looking at nothing until the booze hit him and made him fall asleep.

Every so often, he would wake up and not speak a word until they go off in their respective rooms, or they would have to haul his ass back to his apartment.

This was getting tiring, seeing his downward spiral into depression. Yuta, known for his wise words, knew what they did was wrong. They should be held accountable for their actions. He bet both parties are hot messes right now, but he’s more concerned about Johnny. The tall guy might not take it if he learns about this rendezvous.

Everyone knows no one wants to mess with an angry Johnny Suh.

---

FIN

P.S. Did you expect I was going to let him sing Careless Whisper? Feel free to listen to it below! I think Jaehyun can pull this off flawlessly.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

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Midnight Sky

The thought of Mark Lee playing the song this piece is titled after will never leave my mind.

I am confident he can do it, and it suits his voice. A girl can dream, right?

I hope you enjoy this rejection fic featuring Mark and my main OC Essie.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: ~1,000 words

Additional notes: This is part of the Main Timeline pre-Essie and Johnny. Please refer to the Masterlist, which I will update shortly with this one. I'll get to writing the other missing pieces of Mark's story, even Jaehyun's. Some things might not make sense now, but it will in the future. We'll get there, okay?

Recommended listening: I will now associate the title of this fic (also mentioned in the story) as a song Mark should sing to us. You have to agree with me.

---

You never wanted to be in this situation, but sometimes, life hands it to you. It was never easy to break someone’s heart.

Mark Lee was kneeling in front of you after serenading you in a bar he rented for this purpose.

This was a more intimate affair than his confession in front of Johnny and Key because he thought you didn't take that seriously. Hopefully, this moment will get through you.

He sang a couple of your favorite songs, but when he sang ‘Midnight Sky,’ you figured out what would come next.

“Noona, please say something,” he said softly, his doe eyes looking at you with anticipation.

It has been a couple of minutes since you remained silent after his grand confession. Your mind kept replaying the words he told you – I have been in love with you for some time, Essie noona. I hope you’ll give me a chance to be the partner you’ve always wanted and deserved.

Those were some big claims, and deep inside, you were curious about what he could give you. But it would be best if he knew the real story of why you were afraid of being in a relationship again.

“Mark…” you started, holding both of his hands so he could stand up, “I think you have to know something first.”

You led him to the edge of the stage he performed on and told him to sit beside you there. After a couple of deep breaths, you started to share some of your past.

As you told him your reasons, your mind was also wondering about the possibility of being with Johnny, the guy who made you love again.

If you could just go straight to the point that you weren’t expecting his confession and that you were in love with his hyung, then this would be all over.

“But noona, I am not like your ex. I’m a different person, and I’m not one to ignore and ghost,” Mark replied, his tone a bit on the edge. You could tell he was becoming impatient with the way your conversation shifted.

“I know, Mark. But…” You busied your hands by clenching and unclenching them on your jeans, still delaying the inevitable. “I’m really sorry; I didn’t expect this at all.”

The silence that enveloped you both felt suffocating, but you knew that if you said the wrong words, things would never be the same again.

“So, I guess that’s a no then?” Mark’s voice was barely a whisper, and you felt that he was on the verge of crying.

You diverted your eyes away from your lap to look at him, and your suspicion was correct. Your heart ached at the tears forming in the corners of his eyes, but you knew what your heart wanted the most.

“I’m sorry, Marky. Maybe in another lifetime or parallel universe, we could be.”

“Why not now? Is there someone you like more?” He hesitated to ask you, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t take this chance.

“Yes, Mark. I think you know who that is, right?” The tears that pooled in the younger guy’s eyes slipped, and he had to look away from you to wipe them.

“I think I know who that is,” he said in between sniffles, “but you know what?” He faced you with slightly red eyes. “I’m glad I took the risk to tell you how I feel. If I keep this bottled up for too long, I might resent everyone.”

You didn’t know what else to say, so your tears decided to speak for themselves. You never thought of the depth of his feelings for you. You always saw him as an affectionate little brother that you wanted to shower your love and praises. He deserved everything he was getting, but unfortunately, not the love he wanted from you.

“Don’t cry, noona. It’s alright; I can take this.” He smiled at you to reassure you he’ll be fine, but you knew he wouldn’t be after going home to your respective apartments.

“I’m really sorry, Marky…” More tears spilled on your face, and despite the rejection he got from you, he wiped them with his handkerchief.

“Don’t be sorry. I can’t make you do something you haven’t set your heart on,” You noticed his small smile can break any moment now. You had to give it to him for being strong after being turned down, but at the same time, you wanted to console him.

“Can I request something?” His ears perked up at your question, and you saw his beautiful eyes glimmering in the dark. “Come here,” you motioned to your lap, and slowly, he crawled to you.

You pulled him into your embrace, which was something not uncommon between you two. Mark buried his face in the crook of your neck, taking in your scent. You nuzzled on one side of his head, with one of your hands ruffling and playing with his hair.

“Do you think I led you on, Marky?” You asked softly, not breaking away from your intimate position.

“To be honest, yes. We always have moments like this, noona. I could lose myself in your hugs, and you’re one of the people I don’t mind playing with my hair.”

That got a chuckle out of you and pecked his head afterward. “Are we too close for your liking?”

“Yeah, and I wish we could be something else,” he mumbled before pecking your neck. “Can I request something this time?”

Mark broke away from your hug and looked at you intently. God, his eyes were making you feel weird and fuzzy inside.

“Can I get a…” Before he finished what he was saying, he looked at the floor. You glanced at what he was looking at, but you became distracted by his red ears.

You already know what he wanted to request, but it would better if it came from him.

“Can I get a kiss from you?”

---

FIN

P.S. My brain stopped with that ending, and I don't know if I should proceed lol.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

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Focus

How can I not write anything about Johnny's solo performance in The Link concerts?

Here's a short piece of how my mind malfunctioned for a moment and indulged in carnal desires.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: ~470 words

Warning: I didn't get too smutty. Not yet. We'll get there soon?

Recommended listening: Obviously the song he introduced in the concert and one of my favorites on the album!

---

“Damn, what did I do to deserve you?”

You whispered, taking in the glorious sight in front of you. Johnny Suh, your partner, was only wearing a pair of skintight leather trousers, and his body was glistening from sweat.

He performed a dance to arouse you, and you knew you would already be even if he didn’t do it. You remembered calling him a sex god in your mind, and what he did solidify that further.

“You deserve the best, baby,” he said while approaching your figure, his hands immediately snaking around your waist. “It’s been a while we’ve done this, right?” His lips connected to your neck, peppering kisses that made your body heat up even more.

“Yeah, we’ve been too busy,” you responded, breaking away from his hold a bit to cradle his beautiful face. “And I appreciate your Magic Mike routine. You don’t know how I turned on I am right now,” you stuck out your tongue at him, trying to keep things light. You knew once he got serious, he would be like that throughout the night.

“Well, that’s the point. Do you think I can get a gig with that?” He giggled, his hold on you never faltering. “I’m sure you will, but I’m not comfortable that you'll do that in front of other women,” you kissed the tip of his nose before you tugged at the waistband of your sweatpants.

“No, baby, I’ll only do that for you,” Johnny was quick in undressing you as if he had memorized it a thousand times already. Before you could even touch his pants, he had already taken them off. “Just relax, and I’ll do all the work, okay?” He kissed your forehead before he attacked your lips with a ravenous kiss.

You had to admit that Johnny leading your sexy time was one of the best things you’ve ever experienced in life, and he never failed to deliver. It was a good thing that tomorrow was the weekend, and you could stay in bed the whole day since you know you’ll be sore from all the manhandling he’ll do to you.

He kissed, nipped, sucked, licked, massaged, slapped, and thrusted into your body in all the right places, and the only thing you could do was scream his name louder each time he did.

No one can ever compare to him, not even Jaehyun, who fucked you almost every day when you decided to have an affair with him. You recalled telling the younger guy that he was the best, but when Johnny hit your G-spot repeatedly with his long and thick dick, that thought flew out of your mind.

All you could think of was the pleasure your partner was giving you and damn those guilty thoughts from the past that keep creeping on you during inappropriate times.

---

FIN

P.S. Ugh, that ending. It always comes back to that affair.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

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Reblog if you write fic and people can inbox you random-ass questions about your stories, itemized number lists be damned.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

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Burnout Teaser, B-Side

I'm the type of writer who gets triggered to write something because of a song.

This is one of them, which I'm not sure if I'll include in the official timeline of Burnout. What do you think?

Mahal ko kayong lahat!

POV: 2nd person

Word count: 479 words

Additional notes: Italics are parts of the letter Y/N is reading.

---

I’m the only motherfucker in the city who can handle and stand you.

That familiar line has been used on you, and you never thought it would make you cry. You loved the stripped-down version of that song, and you jokingly dedicated it to him.

He even played the song for you on the piano in a drunken state. He was never one to play the instrument often, “but for you darling, I’ll do it all again,” he slurred with a dopey grin on his face while looking at you then. You remembered returning the same smile before bursting into laughter. This happened during a party in New York that both of you crashed into, and you told him that you had no regrets about doing this. He agreed and then decided to do it again next week.

Fuck it. You couldn’t help but be reminded of how the both of you were so inseparable. The memories you had together were too vivid, beautiful, and felt like they came from an A24 movie. The tears that continued to fall felt hot on your face, but you had to carry on reading the rest of the letter.

I might not be the only person to claim that now, but I wish that the next motherfucker who will love you not turn out like me.

I hope your future partner will give you everything you have always wanted and make you feel satisfied. I also pray that you have a good future ahead.

I don’t know if this is how you wanted closure, but I hope this wraps up things between us. I loved you, Y/N. I will never forget that. But life happens. We feel things. We do things. We hurt. We never mean to, but it’s not always how the other person sees it. And I sincerely apologize again for everything.

If you think this letter brought upon more questions, I leave it up to you if you want to reach out to me. Not that I’m discouraging you, but you call the shots. I might be there, or I might not be. The future is very unpredictable.

Well, I guess that’s it. Thank you, Y/N. Goodbye.

You shut your eyes as you read the last words of his letter. Did this answer everything that had been running in your mind since he left? Will this closure help you completely move on from him?

You folded the paper hastily back into the envelope and threw yourself in your bed. It had been only a day since you got back, and then you got this surprise. Feelings that you had locked away in a chest deep in your heart resurfaced, and you promised yourself that you were okay now. But you really weren’t.

Johnny Suh still had a deep impact on you, and he was the best you ever had.

---

FIN

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

Text

You're Such an Ass

Sometimes, you've got to let out your brain farts.

The GIF below should hint at what this is going to be. Oh yeah, baby - it's going to be about Mark Lee!

Expect butt puns and Johnny being the big adorable shit that he is.

I think this is the most crack thing I've written for the fandom so far, so I hope you enjoy my humor.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: 1,640 words

Additional notes: I think I've already noted what you needed to know, so I hope you enjoy this silly piece.

---

“You know what, love? I’m taking back what I said about you.”

Johnny was surprised by your words that he almost dropped his phone on the floor. You were standing beside him while he was scrolling through his phone and drinking coffee on the dining table.

“What do you mean by that, baby?” You pointed at Mark, who was crouched in front of the fridge, rummaging for something to eat. The younger guy has been in the same position for some time now, and his butt was sticking out.

You have been living with him and your boyfriend for over a year already, but this is the first time you noticed his backside. You had a thing for guys that had great asses, and you couldn’t believe that Mark Lee, the bashful boy-next-door type, has a badonkadonk.

“Ah, that,” Johnny groaned, placing his phone on the table. “Well, I can’t beat that. He has the plumpest ass out of all of us. But I still have a great one, right?” He pulled you closer to him, a cheesy grin on his face.

“Yeah, you do, but…look at that!” You loudly whispered, your eyes widening at how Mark even stuck his butt out more as he continued to rummage the vegetable compartment.

“My anaconda don’t,” Johnny started singing, making you cackle. “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun!” you continued, now bursting into boisterous laughter.

“Oh my gosh, look at his butt,” your boyfriend repeatedly said in his best valley girl accent, which made you lose it.

“Hey, what’s so funny?” Mark has now stood up with an apple in his hand, an eyebrow raised at you. You looked like a mess on the floor, clutching at your stomach.

“Essie noticed your famous feature just now,” Johnny deadpanned, now going back to his phone and coffee. The younger guy looked at his behind, which had a bit of a wedgie from crouching for too long. He quickly fixed his sweatpants before stalking off to the couch to eat his breakfast.

“I’m sorry, Marky! I only noticed that you have a great ass,” You have now composed herself and approached him to offer more apologies. But before you could even reach the sofa, he stormed off to his room.

You looked at Johnny in shock, your mouth agape at what just happened.

“Uh oh, he didn’t take that well,” your partner commented, now standing beside you. “He gets conscious about that, especially as it came from you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, for starters, you’re a girl. Have you forgotten about that?” Johnny chuckled, plopping on the sofa to continue browsing on his phone.

You rolled your eyes at his comment. “Duh, I haven’t! Well, this is awkward. But I couldn’t help it, love! They’re like peaches ripe for the picking!”

“You better apologize to him, baby. And try not to tease him about if you can, okay?”

\\\

Although Mark forgave you immediately for your silly antics about his butt, you didn’t keep your promise to Johnny by teasing him about it still. Not that your boyfriend could even keep his word when it comes to teasing the younger guy though. This is Johnny Suh we’re talking about. Together, you were inseparable and annoying to the highest level.

You played butt-related songs whenever Mark passed by, and Johnny would join in the teasing by twerking with you and laughing about it afterward.

But when you played “Bubble Butt,” Mark lost it and didn’t go home. Two days later, you found out from Haechan that he was staying at their place for the meantime.

“Noona, we know how he’s extremely blessed in that department, but you don’t have to remind him about that every day,” he sounded like he was trying his best not to laugh over your video call, but you knew he was amused at the situation.

“I’m sorry, Haechannie! But you know how Johnny and I get when we’re in a teasing mood, right?”

“Yeah, both of you are ruthless! You just won’t stop! I believe Mark was able to list some of the songs you played even if he was pissed,” Haechan couldn’t contain his laughter and had to step out of the room he was in to let it all out.

The three of you shared laughter for a moment before Haechan cleared his throat and went back to your conversation. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to sing ‘Bootylicious’ to him! And ‘My Humps’! You two are evil!”

You and Johnny couldn’t help but sing and dance a mash-up of the two songs, which made your recipient cover his reddened face from laughing too much.

“I bet you would join us if you were here though,” Johnny said, and the maknae hummed in approval. “But Mark had it when we played ‘Bubble Butt’ though.”

Haechan burst into laughter again, and you heard him sniffing. You knew what that meant – he became teary-eyed at how hilarious this was. But he also had to serve as the mediator since Mark is one of your housemates, and you want him to return to your home eventually.

“Anyway, you have to stop that. I know it’s funny, and I would’ve joined you in teasing him about this, but he’s…hurt about this.”

“Oh, Haechannie! You wanted to say butt hurt so bad!” You screeched, making all of you erupt into laughter again.

“Baby, stop it! Don't be such an ass!” Johnny playfully slapped your shoulder and grabbed the phone from you. “Tell Mark Lee we’re really sorry, and we would leave this all…behind,” you and Haechan snorted, “and we promise not to tease him anymore about this.”

“Okay, that’s noted. I’ll relay that to him, but don’t expect that he’ll go home there immediately. Since we’re busy with projects together, I think he’ll be back there in a week or two,” Haechan said, “and please, I hope you’ll be over teasing Mark about his ass by then.”

“Will you get over that, baby?” Johnny asked, sassily putting hands on his hips and raising an eyebrow at you.

“I think I will,” you said with conviction before your call ended. “I think I’ll get over Mark Lee’s cute and juicy butt,” you said to yourself softly this time when you were left alone with your thoughts.

\\\

Haechan was right – Mark indeed went home two weeks after their project.

The apartment the three of you shared was quiet when he returned, and he hoped that you and Johnny would have gotten over teasing his butt.

He knew that he’s already the butt of jokes in your circle of friends, but Haechan was teasing him lately with butt puns then laughing in a corner when he wasn’t looking. Renjun reported that to him when they went out to dinner the other night, and he felt resigned that his housemates had influenced him as well.

Sometimes, he thought his stomach-related problems contributed to how his ass has become so rotund. Does shitting contribute to this? He did check Google but found articles on anal sex and painful bowel movements instead. He’ll have to deep dive into the Internet some other time.

When he laid his bag on the sofa, it was coincidental that you also opened the door to your room. You were surprised to see him back, thinking that he would sulk for a couple more weeks before coming home.

“Hi Marky, welcome home,” you said softly, your hand still on the doorknob. “Have you just arrived?” He nodded, and you approached him cautiously. When he didn’t move from his spot, you enveloped him in a hug.

“I’m so sorry, my Marky baby. I mean it,” you cooed, ruffling his hair, “And I missed you.”

“I missed you too, noona,” he whispered, finally hugging you back. “And Johnny hyung too.”

You laughed at that and continued to ruffle his hair some more. He doesn’t like it when others do that to him, but he makes an exception for you. Maybe he still has some feelings for you.

But when you got tired of playing with his hair, your arms snaked around his waist. Since you’re quite the touchy person, your hands slid further to the top of his butt. “May I?” You mouthed, eyes gleaming at the prospect of touching your recent obsession.

Mark let out a deep sigh before nodding in approval. You tried not to squeal as your hands cupped his butt cheeks gently.

“Oh my, they’re soft,” you murmured, squeezing them this time. Mark was burning at your touch, his face as red as the insides of the watermelon he loved so much.

“What’s this I’m seeing?” Johnny gasped at the sight of you playing with Mark’s ass. “Baby, did you ask permission?”

You gave a thumbs-up with one hand before it went back to playing with the younger guy’s backside.

“I missed him, Johnny boo! Didn’t you miss him too?” You have let go of Mark, who was now sitting on the sofa covering his flushed face. He was embarrassed that you were playing with his butt, and his hyung had to see that. He wasn’t sure if Johnny recorded that because if he did, he has new blackmail material.

“Hmmm, maybe not,” he teased. You stuck out your tongue at him, and he took it as an invitation to join you guys.

“Welcome back, bro,” he tapped Mark’s back before sitting beside him. You squeezed in between them and initiated conversation like all the teasing never happened.

The younger guy felt relieved that normalcy has been restored now, but he never knew with you and Johnny. As Haechan told him: “Your housemates are the worst when it comes to teasing, and it’s when you least expect it that they do.”

---

FIN

P.S. I won't link the songs I mentioned since I feel bad for teasing Mark about his bum. Well, sort of.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

Text

Angst fics can help people come to terms with their own grief, begin healing, or give people that good cry that they need.

Smut fics can help people affirm and accept their sexuality. It can help them explore their sexuality in a safe way. They can also just be fun, and having fun is a drastically undervalued way to improve your mental health.

Dark fics can help people face their fears or process their trauma. It can make them feel safer and more secure. It can help them find their courage.

Fluff fics can give people rest and respite and comfort. It can give them hope that soft places exist and that maybe there is one out there for them. It can bring up their mood, which, if they have depression, can be a life saver.

And every fic people write makes someone feel less alone.

Point being, just because a particular thing doesn’t serve you, doesn’t mean it lacks value.

This is not to say that we have to consume all fic uncritically. Of course not. It is just to say that entire “genres” aren’t trash or lacking value just because they don’t serve you.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

Text

Dangerous, B-side

Listening to the same song repeatedly can give you different outputs, but this was my initial draft to Dangerous.

I still wanted to share this since I like the tension between Essie and Jaehyun here, so I hope you enjoy this one.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: 1,040 words (Wow, it's longer than what I've been writing lately lol)

Additional notes: Like with the previous post, I'll be linking some writing that connects to this one.

Warning: Suggestive themes ahead!

---

You knew it would be dangerous to be near Jeong Jaehyun.

You knew the power he held – he was one of the most handsome men you’ve met, and you knew you could give in to anything he asked you to do.

At first, you didn’t really mind him. You were focused on turning down the flirtatious attempts of his best friend, Johnny Suh, who decided to let you know how memorable you were to him when he saw you in Starbucks.

But when you and Johnny decided to become friends, Jaehyun was the first person in his circle of friends that you got to know better.

He was the perfect gentleman, and you appreciated that. You thought he would be a cocky bastard who would use his handsome privileges.

As you got to know more of Johnny’s friends, you didn’t get to hang around Jaehyun that much. But when you did, you started to feel weird around him. Were his looks and gestures getting to you?

You were conflicted since you were also starting to develop feelings for Johnny, despite the not-so-ideal start of your friendship.

You never thought you would feel like this again – falling for two people at the same time. It was bad, but in the end, it was your choice on who you wanted to get together with.

One of the most unforgettable moments you had with Jaehyun was when he kissed you at a party. Your ex was one of the attendees, and you asked him to hide you. He misheard you and pecked you on the lips.

You couldn’t remember what happened after – were you too drunk to recall if you two have already done it? You shut your eyes, trying to recall as much as you could. No, your body didn’t ache when you got home, and you had a good night’s rest.

As you watched Jaehyun grill meat with Taeyong, you couldn’t help but think if you ended up with him instead.

You had shared interests – you loved vinyl records, and you loved drinking wine. You liked his music selection better than Johnny’s, and he was very chill to talk to. He seemed such a calm person who would perfectly complement your feisty personality.

“Penny for your thoughts, Essie?” He asked, flashing you his trademark dimpled smile. “Oh, it’s nothing,” you mumbled, looking away to recover from the embarrassment you felt at looking at him for too long.

“Hey baby, can you help me with this?” You heard Johnny ask from across the room, and you crossed over to where he was. You were thankful he asked you for help because you needed to distract yourself from such tempting thoughts.

You had dinner with Johnny and his friends in your apartment since it’s been a while since all of them got together. Almost everyone had solo projects, and most of them got back to the country recently.

“If someone deserves a solo, it’s you,” Johnny said to Jaehyun, pointing his chopsticks for emphasis.

“Yeah, we agree,” Taeyong and Doyoung chimed in. Everyone else in the room nodded in approval, even you.

Oh, the thought of Jaehyun singing sexy R’n’B songs excited you so much that you felt the familiar wetness on your underwear.

You cursed yourself at this thought and decided to eat more kimchi to forget that sensation.

“Thanks, guys. Maybe soon, I’ll get that project,” Jaehyun said, ears red with embarrassment. Since he was sitting beside you, you were tempted to stroke his red ear and feel how hot it was.

“I’m sure you will; we just have to wait,” you squeaked, slowly looking up from the bowl you have been focusing your attention on.

“Aw, thanks. That means a lot to me, Essie,” his voice was so soft that you thought you were the only one who heard it. Maybe it was really meant for you.

When you looked up from your bowl, he gave you a heartwarming smile. You smiled back, and he touched your wrist. “I look forward to your support, dear,” he whispered.

You could only nod at his response, your body heating up from his touch. You looked away again to see if anyone was observing your interaction but saw that everyone else was involved in their conversations.

It was as if the world stopped, and only you and Jaehyun were having this intimate conversation.

“You keep on looking away from me tonight; is there something on my face that you don’t want to tell me?”

You didn’t expect his words, and when you looked back at him, he tightened the grip on your wrist.

“No, there isn’t anything wrong with your face, Jay! What makes you think there is?” You were beyond flustered, and you could feel your breathing become ragged.

“You aren’t usually like this when we talk,” he loosened his grip now, “and I like it better when the people I talk to can look at me directly on the face.”

You sat up straight and stared at his face. You saw the bags on his under eyes becoming darker and the pimple patches around his nose. When he smiled, you saw there was one more pimple patch underneath his lip.

“Well, fine. You look stressed. I believe you don’t get pimples, yet here you are, wearing pimple patches to a dinner.” You deadpanned, pointing at the patches around his face.

He laughed at your words and swatted your hand away. “It’s normal to have pimples, but I never thought I’d start breaking out now.”

“Don’t be too stressed. You know it’s bad for the health,” you said before going back to eating. “You should take your advice too, honey,” Jaehyun chuckled and mimicked what you were doing.

You rolled your eyes as he also reached for the plate of meat you were holding. “Yeah, you don’t have to remind me of that. Now please, can I have some meat?”

“Jaehyun! Are you teasing Essie?” You heard Johnny comment, probably because he saw how irked you were. Jaehyun let go of the plate of meat and watched you take it for yourself.

No one answered Johnny’s question, and the night continued with everyone catching up on their endeavors.

---

FIN

P.S. That was a lame-ass ending, but my mind stopped working after that. I had to get the tension out of the way hehe.

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

Text

Reality Checklist

Continuing my Jaehyun writings with this angsty piece, inspired by UNIQUE's "Reality Checklist."

I can't help but write him this way; I know he's going to act this out so well. Let's manifest Actor Jaehyun for 2022!

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 3rd person

Word count: 502 words

Additional notes: If this is your first time reading my work, welcome! However, I'll be linking some writing that is in the same timeline like this one since it's part of one of my many unfinished series. Feel free to read those first or read them after this.

Warning: Uh, there's some suggestive content here.

---

He never thought it would affect him like this.

As Jaehyun took another swig of whiskey, he groaned at the thought that he was actually in love. He fell in love with the girlfriend of his best friend, and he risked everything to be with her.

He was currently in a hotel room abroad for a project, and he looked at his room in disdain. It reminded him they had a fancy dinner at a hotel and fucked afterward.

He remembered the way her teeth grazed on his dick and how delightfully painful it was for him. He took another swig of his drink before fishing out a carton of cigarettes in his pocket.

He was never one to smoke often, but tonight felt like the perfect time to do so. He would channel all his thoughts into the smoke he would let out, and hopefully, he could forget about her.

He knew he was a player, but it wasn’t explicitly known by anyone who didn’t know him personally. However, he didn’t show this side to her. She was one of the people he wanted to have, but he never thought he would be invested in her.

Most of the relationships he had were very brief due to his schedule, and most of the time, it was all about fucking. He needed that release, like most guys his age.

But when he met her, especially when they got to know each other better, he observed her well. He knew how to make her ideal coffee, he knew that she didn’t like it when he wore his cap backward, and he knew that she liked to be eaten out. He knew everything there is to know about her, compared to the other women he had been with.

Was there a thrill in being with someone who was taken already? Maybe so, he told himself, as he put out the third stick he was smoking.

His mind now raced to thoughts of how things would have turned out if he got to her first than his best friend. Would he be this observant? Would he care for her more than his ex-lovers?

“Fuck this,” he groaned for the umpteenth time, eyeing the now-empty bottle of whiskey beside him. “I should forget about her. She made her choice already. It’s not me, and it’s never been me.”

He stood up, drawing open the curtains to his dark room. It was already nighttime, and he looked at the bright and bustling cityscape. He has already seen this scenery a couple of times in different countries, and he would usually find this beautiful.

But now, he felt empty. Everyone was moving, yet here he was, still in his thoughts.

He took out his phone in his other pocket and scrolled through the numbers in his contacts. He dialed a number and pressed his phone to his ears.

“Hey, I heard you can get me someone for the night. Can you find me one by 10:30 p.m.? Thanks.”

---

FIN

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mahalkitajohnnysuh · 2 years

Text

Dangerous

I'm in a Jeong Jaehyun mood lately.

I mean, who wouldn't be, especially if you're an NCTzen? Just kidding unless he isn't your bias huhu.

I guess I'm prepping myself to write Burnout, so have some of my writing about him in the meantime.

Here's the first one, inspired by numerous playbacks of The xx's "Dangerous."

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

POV: 2nd person

Word count: 506 words

Additional notes: This piece is part of the Trysts with Mon Amour timeline, so I'll be glad if you can check that out too.

---

You had been told that Jeong Jaehyun was a dangerous person. Not in the sense that he was a serial killer, but he would break your heart if you got too close to him.

You remembered Doyoung, a common friend of yours (and everybody else it seemed), who told you about this during one of the many house parties you’ve attended.

“I hope you have heard one of the many rumors about our friend,” he started, using his pointer finger discreetly to point at Jaehyun, “and I’m going to confirm with you that it’s true.”

You raised an eyebrow at him before chugging the bottle of beer in your hand. “What do you mean by that? I haven’t heard many rumors about Jay.”

“Aw, come on, Essie, you should know that one! He is a serial dater and can never commit to one person for a long time,” Doyoung sounded exasperated at this, which made him finish the remaining water in his glass.

You looked at Jaehyun, who seemed enamored at the girl he talked to. You knew he was feigning interest, and you could see that his smile hid his motive to sleep with her. After all, the girl he was talking to was hot. You knew how hot girls looked like, and you were far from it.

“Oh, that one,” you grumbled. “Well, there isn’t anything I can do about that. It’s his choice anyway.” You faced Doyoung, who now has a newly refilled glass. “Why are you telling me this?”

“I’ve noticed you two are becoming close these days, and I don’t want you to end up like her,” he was staring at his friend’s interaction with the girl, who has now linked her arms around the heartthrob.

To be honest, you wanted to refute Doyoung for his words, as if you’re going to risk having a relationship with his fellow Aquarian friend. But deep inside, your feelings are a mess because you’re falling for Johnny, and maybe for Jaehyun too.

You took a deep breath to compose yourself. “Well, thanks for the warning, and I’ll take that in mind,” your eyes never left Jaehyun and the girl he was with as they headed out of the venue.

“Take this seriously, Essie,” Doyoung patted your shoulder before leaving you to your thoughts. This time, you watched your friend mingle with the rest of the crowd.

You felt the air becoming colder as you decided to stay still and observe everyone. You realized you were getting too old for this shit – watching people get completely wasted, taking strangers somewhere upstairs so they could bang each other, and hearing crude jokes about everything. You finished the beer that had become lukewarm in your hands and went out to have a smoke to clear your mind further.

Will you consider pursuing a relationship with Jeong Jaehyun if the opportunity arises? Maybe so, or maybe not.

But little did you know, you would be the one who would break his heart not only once, but twice.

---

FIN

P.S. Always listen to Doyoung; he knows best.

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