maladapted-druid

[maladapted-druid]

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

[maladapted-druid]

#Repost @mattxiv

may the universe reward their bravery

first image by @soulwork6

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I loooove my girls!

Can you guess the outfit inspirations? :)

[edit] just made a new instagram! My username is lady.lucitor and I just posted this on there mwehe thank u

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Labour just instituted section 28 for trans people in the UK

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can I offer you a butch in this trying time (they/them)

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my ipad is at 10%

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hiiii love ur piercing fic just a quick question; why is ellie really that mean with reader in person?????????? making her feel bad and all. is it to contrast between E and Ellie? even though is the same person 😭

hiiii omg this is such a good question 😭 okay so here's the thing:

ellie’s not mean. she’s just emotionally unavailable, dismissive and defensive. the exact kind of person who would say:

“did you get your period or something?” and she won't even realize how badly it landed. not because she wants to hurt the reader. it's bc she’s scared. scared of saying the wrong thing. scared of being too much. scared of showing her cards. that’s what makes her feel so frustratingly out of reach.

the way she acts in person (vs. online as E) is intentional. it’s to show how hard it is for her to be emotionally honest when she doesn’t have the screen to hide behind.

SO why doesn’t ellie want to write the scene? why is she acting like this?

a few reasons:

1. it’s not about the scene. it’s about control

ellie holds on to structure. it’s how she keeps herself in check. through outlines, logic, deadlines, rhythm. your scene threatens all that. it’s messy and it’s impulsive.

it’s also too close to what’s actually happening between you two.

writing it means she loses the grip she’s been holding on her own feelings.

2. she recognizes herself in it

she hates how much she sees herself in it bc it's personal. she throws it back like a joke: “you just want them to make out in a janitor’s closet.” but that’s her deflecting. she’s scared to admit she wants it too.

3. letting the characters act on their feelings = admitting she feels something too. it’s her way of avoiding intimacy without having to say “I’m afraid to be close to you.”

she hides behind the outline. behind the “it doesn’t fit the arc” bc what she’s really thinking is:

“if i write this scene, i’ll start thinking about kissing you. and i can’t let that happen.”

4. she’s scared you don’t feel the same

what if this is just writing to you? what if you don’t mean it the way she thinks you do?

ellie would rather piss you off than risk that kind of vulnerability.

TLDR:

ellie doesn’t want to write the scene because it’s no longer fiction.

letting it happen on the page feels way too much like letting it happen in real life.

and that’s terrifying.

it’s about control, fear, deflection and a whole lot of “don’t let her know you’re in love with her.”

because OBVIOUSLY ellie is in love with reader but she only lets herself show it through a screen while she thinks that you could never like her in personal.

as E, she’s witty, soft, flirty. she’s present. she’s real. but it’s safe, because there’s a wall between them.

in person? she stiffens and gets cold bc when things get real, she panics.

so now we’re at that scene:

she’s sitting beside the girl she’s secretly in love with. the same girl who just wrote a scene dripping in tension. who’s defending THAT SCENE. who’s saying, “i meant this.”

who might (just might) feel something back.

and instead of embracing it?

ellie shuts it down.

why?

1. because this version of reader isn’t texting her. she’s looking right at her.

when you text E, ellie gets to pretend.

she gets to say the things she’d never say to your face. and if you don’t like E? well, it’s just a username.

but if you start liking her — ellie, the real girl?

there’s no mask. it’s real. and that terrifies her. (even though that's the very thing she wants)

2. reader still doesn’t know it’s her.

and she’s scared that if you do find out, you’ll feel tricked. ellie will think:

“you only like E because she’s funny and gets you. if you knew that was me, boring awkward ellie. you’d hate me. you’d feel betrayed. you’d never speak to me again.”

SO what’s really happening?

ellie wants to say yes. she wants to write that scene. she wants to lean in and kiss you — not just on the page, not just through a screen. in real life. right there in the library.

but ellie’s version of love is quiet. it’s hidden. it’s too scared to exist out loud.

and reader’s version of love?

it’s brave. messy. a little chaotic. and very, very loud.

she says no because she cares so much it paralyzes her.

sSO YEAH, Certified loser. But also? Certified in love.

[maladapted-druid]

[maladapted-druid]

STOP the fucking song and back it up to the start we didn't think about the right thing at the right time our head music video is all messed up what the fuck guys come on

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Cocaine Slug (poster, 2025, unreleased)

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It wimdy

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A silly lil DnD AU comic for @emilyjunk <3

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🍽️

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ellie's thoughts that one afternoon you were sitting beside her..

masterlist

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K-pop Demons (zombies) Hunters AU