maliciousnature

[maliciousnature]

Designed and foiled these holiday cards

[maliciousnature]

A while back I made the logo for these awesome guys, check their music out! @sweetpillmusic My favorite song is 🎶 Cherry❤ #sweetpillmusic #sexy #sexyAF #MN #MaliciousNature #peaceandlove #peace #love #music #art #commission https://www.instagram.com/p/BoDLWDnjcbv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1thhr7z2jyd05

[maliciousnature]

My Toxic/Abusive Relationship Survival Story

2 years ago I couldn't walk for 3 days, because I was in an abusive relationship. I didn't go to the doctor, or call the police because I was afraid that things would only get worse. I was stuck in a toxic relationship that was a cycle, and I hated it. I felt imprisoned and helpless because the person who did this to me on a regular basis would say that it was because of "love," but I knew it wasn't true and so I had to find a way out. It wasn't until later that year, when my resolve changed my life. 3 years prior, I had met a person that seemed like any normal person would, he was helpful, cheerful, and kind, we got along and ended up moving in together. His manipulative, controlling, and abusive behavior didn't appear immediately, but I should have seen the signs. First it was the way I spoke and my appearance that bothered him. I talked too much, too loudly, too softly, I sang too often, I had unnatural colored hair, didn't like to wear t-shirts or jeans. Which lead to verbal abuse, saying I was too stupid, too slow, too dumb, too ugly, etc. Then it was aggression. Getting angry at me because I had a different opinion, because I didn't want to listen to that song, because I didn't want to bleach my hair blonde. Then there was the hugs that would almost literally suffocate me, holding my hand too tight until it hurt, grabbing onto my arm hard enough to bruise, or punching me. People ask, "Why didn't you contact the authorities?" FEAR. (He would break things, punch holes in the wall, and even pull out a knife or a baseball bat aiming it at me.) It was a cycle, a pattern, that I got sucked into. He told me he loved me, but he would hit me, then tell me that he only acted that way because he loved me, then he'd say that he didn't mean to hurt me, that it was an accident and that it wouldn't happen again, and I would forgive him, because I believed him at first. About 6 months in, I knew I had to find a way out, but I was stuck and scared, and I couldn't get my family involved.

So I threw myself into art. I had never been so productive in art, until I used this median to escape the crippling reality that I was in a toxic and abusive relationship that I couldn't get out of. It was a cage in the deepest pit and there was no key, no map, and no sign of any hope of it changing, but there was a silver lining. It had been 3 years, and no one knew what was happening to me. I hid my bruises and never brought them up. (He was always suspicious and aware of my behavior, keeping tabs on everything I said, did, or posted.) If I did something he didn't like, I was sure to get another bruise somewhere. I worked and went to school but it wasn't enough. It was a temporary relief from my situation, and provided me a few hours of rest from having to be this thing that looked like me but wasn't me. To avoid punishment, I molded myself into his ideals, wants, needs, neglecting my own, and putting up with the trauma that kept me awake at night, fearing that it would be my last night alive. Living that cycle until July 2016. Slowly I had moved items back to my parent's house, little by little until all I had left were a few boxes and the TV my mom bought me. I told him that I was leaving, and that I was taking the TV. He threatened me, got mad, calling me a slut and whore, I held firm in my resolve, but it escalated. At one point as I was gathering my things, he hit me with a broom using enough force for it to snap, but I moved in time to block it with my leg. Seeing that I blocked his attack, he then tried to scare me by picking up his metal baseball bat, while also degrading me. After 3 years of keeping my mouth shut and taking the hits, I was so tired of it, and fought back, pushing him away but he was stronger, quicker and knew how to fight. He quickly pinned me in a choke hold strong enough that I heard a pop and my ear started ringing in pain. He then threw me onto the floor bombarded me with punches, before kicking me in the ribs so hard I lost my lunch, as well as felt like something had burst, it was a hot burning pain that felt like molten lava inside of me.

Crying in pain on the bathroom floor, curled up in the fetal position, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE THAT NIGHT. Everything seemed to slow down, immense pain flooded through me in deep waves, I held onto my ribs, feeling sick to my stomach, thinking to myself that this was it. I started saying my "goodbyes" hoping that somehow my words would reach the ones I love, saying "I'm sorry that it would end this way," and that I hoped they would live happy lives despite my not being able to see them ever again. But then, alone in the locked bathroom, I heard a voice. (Probably from being delirious from pain.) It sounded like my grandpa. By this time he had already been dead for two years, and I could hear him clearly as if he was right next to me, and he said "Melody, everything will be okay, come home, I love you." I didn't know whether it was the adrenaline finally kicking but the pain dulled enough for me to get up, which was difficult because my leg had been also kicked and bruised from before, but it didn't matter right now. Because right now what mattered was getting out. AND THAT'S WHAT I DID. I got up washed my face, wiped my tears, took a deep breath, and walked out of that bathroom. Without saying a word I picked up the boxes I packed up, taking anything else I would need, including the tv. AND I LEFT.

I NEVER TURNED BACK. From that moment forward I had made a promise to myself that I would never make myself miserable by forcing myself to be something I'm not, and putting up with abuse. I was done with being a puppet, and wanted to be me. It was tough, I was broken. I had abandoned my true self for 3 years, and was left a shattered person. I had nightmares that made me feel like I was still there, being abused. I had nightmares of that night on the bathroom floor in pain for months before they started to fade away. I was afraid to leave the house, and still no one knew. It wasn't until one day, around the end of October 2016, that I woke up in pain from the cuts all over my body realizing what I had done. I tried to bury my pain inside, with no one to talk to, it ate away at me, and lead me to drink copious amounts in attempt to commit suicide. I broke down crying. I couldn't remember what happened the night before, and I knew I needed to tell someone, but I was afraid that it would drive the ones I love, further away from me. I felt like I was a monster that deserved to die. BUT I REACHED OUT. I talked to my closest friends and family, but the pain was fresh and it was difficult to keep together. I was a crying mess, feeling as though I was only burdening them with my problems. Despite my fears, they were very kind to me and tried their best to console. It helped me feel a bit better, but I felt empty. I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS ANYMORE. I had spent years molding myself into everything that I wasnt, and because of that, I forgot who I really was, and I didn't know what to do. I WAS LOST. Slowly I started picking up hobbies that I enjoyed again. I started writing, reading, playing video games, working on art. Anything to keep my mind occupied so that I wouldn't fall back into depression. I still couldn't sleep at night, so I started spending nights on drawing, while taking naps during the day. LITTLE BY LITTLE I MADE PROGRESS I started singing and dancing again. I started to get back in shape and was able to lose 60 lbs in the first year since coming back.

It has been about two years now, since all of that, and it no longer holds weight on me. I have mostly recovered, I'm happy, and healthy, and most important I CONTINUE TO MOVE FORWARD I cannot erase my past, I cannot remove it, I can only learn from it, and continue moving forward. I cannot let someone else determine my life story, nor can I live in fear. It is not easy, but everyday I wake up and I see myself today, remembering that I AM ALIVE💜 ▪WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY EXPERIENCE▪ Despite everything that happened, I couldn't hate him. Sure I hated what he did to me, but I couldn't hate what he had become because he was shaped by his experiences and environment. He had a troubled childhood and didn't know any proper ways of dealing with stress or anger. I learned that no matter what walk of life we traverse from, we are each riddled with our own bullets of pain, and that is why I can't truly hate him or anyone. Everyone has their own scars that are healing and IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY, ☆ as long as you don't inflict pain on yourself or others, and instead use it productively.☆ ▪USE YOUR FRUSTRATIONS TO CREATE▪ It can be anything like exercise, playing sports, drawing, painting, writing, music, building something, etc. ▪YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO OR NOT DO▪ I thought that I was stuck but I realized that I was only stuck because I let my fear keep me in that cage. ▪PLANS AREN'T ALWAYS FULL PROOF, ALWAYS HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP▪ I was able to get out because I planned carefully, but plans aren't always full proof, so it's always good to talk to someone and get help when in any situation. I was lucky that I survived, but talking to my friends and family has put me at ease, and I now know that if I ever need help, they have my back. 💜So PLEASE if you're going through something terrible but you're afraid, try to reach out to friends, family, and the appropriate authorities if you need help!💜

[maliciousnature]

[maliciousnature]

#DRAWTHISINYOURSTYLE Challenge

Had a lot of fun with this challenge, was really happy that one of my favorite youtube artists posted art for this challenge, check out her channel if you haven't already~💝

Baylee Jae Artist info: Baylee Jae #Drawthisinyourstyle video: https://youtu.be/OGhbsnci8x8 Art Channel: https://www.youtube.com/bayleejae Vlog Channel: https://www.youtube.com/bumblebaylee

💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟

Copic Colors used in this video: E11     G05   B24 R12    RV00  B63 RV93  RV21 BV17  RV66 V04     V15 R17    R08 R35    R21   Y13    Y19

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[maliciousnature]

Everyday is a dream come true, when I'm with you, my love❤

[maliciousnature]

When the Sea Meets the Sky | Part 1

A pastel piece I made for my sweetheart, because he loves the sea and the sky. This was a difficult piece because I am not familiar with working with pastels, but I enjoy a challenge. When in doubt, trial and error is a good way to practice art.

Tools: 16 x 20 Canson Acid Free Mat Board 12 set Prismacolor Nupastel Firm Pastel Color Sticks White Charcoal Pink Eraser Kneaded Eraser Stump Ruler (for the border of drawing)

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 31: Skull

This is inspired by the very first sketch I ever drew in a sketchbook that I was given when I was artist of the year my senior year of high school.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen White Jelly Roll

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 28: Trixie Treats

A creepy cute character inspired by pumkins!

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen White Jelly Roll

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 27: Gothic Rabbit

One of my favorite drawings that I have ever done in my life, it is a beautiful reminder that our life here in this world is short and full of possibilities. This took a very long time to draw and to ink, because it is bigger than my other inktobers, but it is SO worth it.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen White Jelly Roll

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 26: Pensive

I've been pensive. Thinking about the future. I can't believe Inktober is almost over!

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 Day 21 Roses & Spikes

Playing with perspective and crowns/ headdresses.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 20: Casual Adara

Just everyday Adara for you. I have so much fun drawing Adara, because she is such a dynamic and unique character. I love her alternative gothic style, and how she deviates from the "norm." (But then again what is normal?) I did a simple inking so I can color it later, if I feel like it.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 19: Iggy's Tattoo

If you've seen my Day 18 video of Tired Iggy, you'd know that he has a tattoo on his arm, that I wasn't sure if I'd keep. I decided to draw that tattoo, to see if how the details would be, but after drawing it out, I don't think I'll make it as one of Iggy's permanent tattoos. Instead, I think it would be something that Adara would draw on him.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen

Copic Originals: C6, C8, C10

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 18: Tired Iggy

Just a tired Iggy relaxing on a chair showing off one of his tattoos on his arm. I'm still not sure whether I'll make it a permanent tattoo for him or not.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 17: Casual Zayne

Zayne deserves some love. Zayne can come off as distant or indifferent but once you get to know him, he's a sweet, kind and caring character.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen

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[maliciousnature]

Inktober 2017 | Day 16: Adara Rest 

Just a cute drawing of Adara resting with a cup of tea just like me, since I'm trying to get over a cold.

Tools: DBMIER A4 sized Lightbox 0.7 Mechanical pencil Zebra Brush Pen

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