man-with-a-beard

[man-with-a-beard]

You've returned

Another very clear dream, this time about someone different from my past though.

I can't rant or talk to anyone about my dreams, so I do it on here. Anyways, moving forward...

.... You only ever make me feel a single emotion when you appear in my dream.... That is rage. Coming from myself inparticular, that means a lot.

Have always have that philosophy of forgiveness amd moving forward, no matter how bad the fallout is. Its what kept me sane after bad break-ups and negative work places.

With you however... That philosophy gets thrown out the window.

Every dream you've been in, for the last 5 years of my life, has always ended the same. Me, screaming at you, "Why did you do this?! Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused?! Why are you here/back?!"

To think that biologically, you are my half-sister. For a long time though, the "half" hasn't even been a factor. You now, aren't even family. I have friends that have been better siblings than you. That have been the there not only for myself, but my family. As I have been there for them.

One day you may read this, and I hope you do. If your intention was to cause pain, you did it. If it wasn't, then very simply: Stay. Away. THEY, have recovered. THEY, will forgive. THEY, will forget.

However, I am your brother. Whether its half or full, whether you like it or not, or I do, my job is to protect this family. From you.

[man-with-a-beard]

idontwannabeyouanymore // billie eilish

[man-with-a-beard]

Billie Eilish idontwannabeyouanymore

[man-with-a-beard]

idontwannabeyouanymore // billie eilish

[man-with-a-beard]

I'll never forget this dream...

It was last night, and you were in it.

We were stuck in some kind of Saw type environment. Trapped in the original bathroom I believe. Where the only way to escape would be if one of us died. The usual rules were explained, weapons/tools/methods of death were left out, and the game began.

Leading into the game, before even waking up and having the rules explained, it was like I already figured out what it was going to be. The final game to end all games, was going to be you and me, the survivor leaving alone, but alive. When I hit this realization, I remember just falling to my knees and weeping.

Fast-forward to the beginning of the game. I already knew the rules. I knew the consequences. I had made my choice already.

Without even hesitating, I grabbed the nearest gun, and pulled the trigger on myself. Ending my life and saving yours.

Truely speaking, I don't know how many people I would do that for. How many friends or even family I would fight to preserve my life.

Last night was just a friendly reminder, I think more so to myself than anyone, that at the end of the day, I would not, and could not, handle living in a world without you.

The hell do I do now?

[man-with-a-beard]

i don’t wanna live forever // zayn and taylor swift

[man-with-a-beard]

[man-with-a-beard]

the scientist

[man-with-a-beard]

The scientist // Coldplay

[man-with-a-beard]

Nobody said it was easy Oh, it’s such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be this hard

The Scientist // Coldplay

[man-with-a-beard]

[man-with-a-beard]

+

[man-with-a-beard]

I actually drew a comic (I think)

[man-with-a-beard]

[man-with-a-beard]

somebody who doesn’t watch Achievement Hunter, caption this.

[man-with-a-beard]

Just really bored and sad and lonely right now.

[man-with-a-beard]

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