mandymatfield-blog - Tumblr blog

[mandymatfield-blog]

06/02/2017 Friday 06:26pm

I think Michael understands that I am Not leaving him but that I did feel constrained by the collar. Nothing has changed except that I want to be more involved with him.

I like having my platforms up and my store and am grateful that someone wants to host a large space for me.

I asked if I could leave PoD and they said no even though I really didn't feel like I belonged with the other staff. I think I am just going to act like they aren't even there.

The main thing I care about is Michael and that is going good!

[mandymatfield-blog]

05/31/2017 Wednesday 07:54pm

I am trying to figure out what I want to say to Michael to get my point across or to express how I feel so I will try. I think I feel that I don't want to be one of two D/s relationships that he had and that he should stick to 1. The logical choice is for him to be with Abby as his sub.

I think as a sub or slave, I feel lifeless, trapped, and numb. Perhaps this is old baggage that I have had from past BDSM relationships.

I would like to be his girlfriend but I don't want to be in a collar.

If Michael likes it and does not feel comfortable without it then I will do it.

[mandymatfield-blog]

05/13/2017 Saturday 10:36am

Two days after I said that I wanted to leave SL for a while, a former customer asked if I wanted to use part of his sim as a rez area for my buildings. He gave me a tour of his sim and put up a platform for me. Wasn't that sweet of him?

And maybe this was a sign that this is what I always come back to doing in SL.

And Michael if you happen to read this, I did change my mind and at least for a time I will hang out on this platform and maybe come up with some ideas.

[mandymatfield-blog]

05/10/2017 Wednesday 10:29am

I don't know what to say other than I am just not feeling it. People have been so nice to me but like I have done before I need a break away from Second Life.

[mandymatfield-blog]

04/29/2017 Saturday 02:25pm

I hadn't seen Michael until yesterday because I have been working extra and having to do coursework for renewing my license. Michael said that he hadn't been in SL that much either because of doing some gaming development work. He said that Abby was looking to get a Dom but that the Dom wouldn't have anything to do with me. Well I don't think that would even be a question.

It would look like this then: a New Dom to Abby who is the Dom of Michael who is the Dom of me Mandy. So I ask: what about me being a Domme. I was really half joking but we walked away with that being something that I might do.

So U would pick a male slave or sub right? I am mot attracted to girls at all but is this an opportunity for me to widen my horizons?

Michael said that he wanted me to be his and I was glad to hear that! I don't have anyone else and I am not interested un anyone else either although the idea if having a sub or slave... I don't know what that will mean, if anything.

[mandymatfield-blog]

04/04/2017 Tuesday 06:10pm

I have stopped writing in here because I have gotten very frustrated. I feel like I am trapped at the PoD auction house more so than when I was up for auction. It was like pulling teeth to get Michael out of there the other night to spend some time with me. He expresses his frustrations with the place but I can't drag him out of there.

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/27/2017 Monday 06:14am

I am glad to hear that Michael's Mistress is out of the hospital. I mentioned to Michael that I was worried about him working too much at PoD but he assured me that he is balancing it out. I know he gives everything he has when he commits to something. I won't be able to be in SL as much over the next couple of weeks while I doing some studying and test taking in RL :(

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/25/2017 Saturday 07:49 pm

Two days ago I renewed another slave contract with Michael (3/23/2017). I think our relationship has been going good and I am glad that he still wanted to be with me. It certainly is a lot calmer, my second life that is, since I have been with Michael and I din't want to change a thing. I have been so impressed with Michael and his Mistress Abby working at PoD. I hope that Michael feels like he is being more social by working there and getting away from being so isolated.

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/19/2017 Sunday 10:30am

Worked as PoD early in the morning a little earlier than normal because of having trouble sleeping. I heard that Michael's Mistress is going to be working at PoD too. I actually think that will be nice. I got access rights to the PoD rental land. I think that was nice of Michael to let me be there.

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/18/2017 Saturday 09:28pm

Michael and I had worked out some communication issues and I think it made us a little bit closer. At least I think so. I have reflected back on the path of my SL life and it has changed a lot. More calm and predictable particularly with relationships. I am happier than I have been in a long time.

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/15/2017 Wednesday 04:04pm

I still get the feeling I am stepping on toes at PoD and just am getting to the point of just not hanging around there if other staff are already there. Seems that people claim territory and it took me weeks to figure that out.

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/13/2017 Monday 10:24am

I am glad that I did not enter anything into the Tumblr blog yesterday. I thought I should cool down before I did. I kinda felt like I have been stepping on some toes at PoD with the other staff members but I decided I will just do the best job I can and if it is a problem then I am sure that I will hear about it.

Michael has not been hanging around in SL as much the last couple of days maybe because he has not been feeling well

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/13/2017 Monday 10:14am

I thought I should not update my Tumblr blog yesterday because I felt I might say something that I would regret about people at

[mandymatfield-blog]

I'm watching you

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/11/2017 Saturday 10:42am

I worked at PoD for a bit this morning and did some skin shopping. I spent a little time with Michael at home. And when he asked me if he was enough for me it made me ask the question to myself am I enough for him? Maybe this is why I am so uncomfortable with relationships are. Maybe I am afraid that I am not enough for anyone else.

[mandymatfield-blog]

03/10/2017 Friday 08:15 pm

Michael had asked me if he was enough for me and I felt a little sad that he had asked that. I suppose that with me leaving 2 times before that I must have given him that impression. But he has been nothing but sweet to me. He is the only one that I am interested in.

[mandymatfield-blog]

TinyCastle Graystone, last thing I built in January 2017, I kinda got burned out of building but maybe I could try something else. Maybe re-invent myself. Always a challenge figuring out our own place of inner peace.