manichsey

[manichsey]

"para ser mais do que eu, pois tão pouco sou."

[manichsey]

"Gabriela não sabe, contudo, esse beijo para Sheilla é a melhor citação que sua boca nunca poderia balbuciar, o poema best-seller no seu peito, a poesia que ninguém nunca escreveu. Gabriela, no entanto, será apenas a Ghost-Writer de um fenômeno no coração da mulher, sem nunca receber os seus créditos." — Coffee Break (Wattpad)

Gente são oito da manhã e eu tô surtadinha lendo isso puta que pariu

[manichsey]

I hate social interaction, I hate when I tell someone something and they spill it out. I hate when someone argues with me, I hate when they talk to me in a passive-agressive way, I absolutely hate all of that shit. I just want peace and I can not even have that, my life at home is falling apart and I just need my friend but apparently I can't be in peace with them either.

I'm just so tired of this

I wish I could just be like The Bolter - Taylor Swift, unfortunately I can't run away from my life

[manichsey]

I am so jealous of past me and at the same time I'm so mad at her, there is a specific photo I'm talking about. The last time my family were fine. I hate that picture, I hate it. I'm just so mad at that me, she will forever have a happy night, but me? I'm miserable! Almost a week after that photo my life just turned into hell and now, when I thought things were going back to normal after a year, everything is getting down AGAIN.

I'm so jealous of her, she will forever have that beautiful happy family, but I'll never have a normal family again

[manichsey]

Uou, it's been a long time since I updated here last year... A lot has happened, I'll tell you later

[manichsey]

Guys, I want to text her calling her "love" AND WE ARE NOTHING, LITERALLY, NOTHING

We are just friends

But I kind of freaked out today listening to Troye Sivan with her

[manichsey]

Only deep down

I fear and feel everything

As if I was afraid

That you could see inside of me

Or listen to what I think

What if you could perceive what I see when I close my eyes?

Not a single soul would be able to defend me

Not even Jesus could save my soul

Not when every single thought leads me back to you

[manichsey]

I am a failure

[manichsey]

I hate the feeling of hating who I am and where I'm at, but at the same time I can't do anything to change it

I think of things that I could do to change, but I never really do these things, yk?

I've been feeling so low these days, my room is a mess, my life is a mess, my study routine just doesn't exist...

I'm just starting giving up, again

But the last time I gave up on everything, it was so hard to comeback, it took me years to be fine again, I don't want to be like that one more time

[manichsey]

I'll update you guys asap, promise

Been busy these days

[manichsey]

Shit, I'm in love

[manichsey]

Sylvia Plath said "I talk to God, but the sky is empty" and I couldn't agree more. I pray, I pray, I pray. I go to my spiritualist fraternity weekly, I pray the rosarium, I pray before going to bed. Yesterday I BEGGED to God for peace and for me to get accepted at uni. Today I received a message from my dad saying that I wouldn't be able to bring my friends to my home bc my grandma decided to freak out.

I went to my school bathroom and I cried. No matter how much I pray, nothing changes. I know God exists, I know he is there, I believe in him, I believe in Jesus, I believe in Saint Mary and I believe my spiritual guide is here with me, all day everyday. But still, nothing changes. And it gets me so mad, I just want my life to be normal again but it seems to be impossible. as a spiritualist I know this is happening for a bigger purpose, I know that I have to get through this and I know I'm able to do it. But oh my god this is just so hard, I just can't handle it anymore.

I cried alone at school and I just could think three things:

- I want my grandma to die, I want her dead as soon as possible and I'll be happy when this shit dies

- Why do I talk to God but he doesn't answer me? It seems that the more that I pray, the worse it gets

- I want my best friend, I need to talk to her, I have to talk to her

I'm seeing her tomorrow, by the way.

Guys, I'm just so tired that I'll just give up on that or I'll freak out, and I don't know which is worse. I don't want to be at my home anymore, and this is so weird, I love my house but it doesn't seem like a home now... I don't like this feeling, the last time it happened I wanted to kill myself.

And now I love living, I love my life, I love to exist. I have friends, I go to parties, I'm okay with my sexuality, I'm okay with my parents (both of them)... But I just can't breathe in here, and it's all because of my grandma. I hate her and I want her to die.

[manichsey]

[manichsey]

she’s making eye contact with the moon again

[manichsey]

I just turned 18 and I actually can't believe I made it this far

When I was 13 I thought I would've killed myself by now... Glad I didn't

[manichsey]

It is awful to want to go away and to want to go nowhere.

Sylvia Plath

[manichsey]

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.

— Sylvia Plath