manwhyyouevengottadoathing-blog

[manwhyyouevengottadoathing-blog]

the sexuality issue

(you see, it is a double entendre as it’s me talking about issues around sexuality, but it’s also a play on this being a fake zine and this could be the issue about sexuality

i’m so funny)

hello

fair warning this is gonna be rambly as fuck but when has it not been. idk, just don’t expect top level D I S C O U R S E or nothin

so put on your face eyes and sit in your body chair cause its time for history class and school is fuckin IN SESSION

once upon a time there was a boy in the UK and that boy had a few experiences. like, his folks split up reasonably early and he got a stepsister. this wouldn’t be notable but that meant that he had easy access to “girls” clothing that sort of just about fit. this led to fun stuff like the time he stole his stepsister’s ballet stuff and tried it on in a garage and loved it but also got stuck in it so had to ask for help (boy HOWDY did that one help with some fantasies i tell ya wut). there’d be many a crossdressing experience in the years going on until properly caught at home, and between a homophobic af stepdad (still is) and a mum who thought it was weird to experiment with clothing because it was 1998 or whatever that suppressed things fairly good

a little later on in all teenage years and shit there was the odd sexual experience. mainly with women but there was one time round a local friend’s house (who was so far in the closet it hurt) where things went a lot of the way to getting a good ol buttfucking but hey we’re 13 or whatever we’re not good at sex and nothing happened

and speaking of so far in the closet this boy (me) still thought he was a straight cis boy, good job there. turns out not having reference points (read: role models) for this stuff fucks you up. wheeeeeee

anyway time goes on and there’s some adult experiences, like asking an internet pal who was domming me at the time to “force” me to seduce a gay friend and suck his dick, which was hella fun. but through all that i’m still here like “yeah i’m pretty open-minded sexually but i’m still a straight cis guy”, despite wanting to suck some guy’s dick and getting to crossdress a whole bunch because now i live on my own and who cares if my wardrobe has girly fetishwear in it?

anyway it eventually all came to a head ~3 years ago when i started getting too many “guy crushes” to handwave away. there was this cute af actor, there was this stunning youtube guitar player, there was this hot femmy twitter buddy (who came out as trans not soon after) and i just had to go “huh, this is too many to be just be random crushes” and bam, i’m out as bi as a married monogamous dude. partner was fine (again, she’s bi so it’s not like i’m gonna get worries of cheating due to stereotypes), mum was like “i dunno why i should care?” and dad thought i’d cheated and that’s how i found out. good job, pops.

being all married and monogamous and stuff i didn’t think it’d make much of a difference learning this about myself but booooooy-howdy did it. the floodgates fucking opened and so did i, just suddenly so much more open to my femininity, long-suppressed. turns out when you’re not trying to present as a straight guy you don’t feel such a need to present as a guy, go figure. so in the time since i’ve put a lot more effort in and messed around with hair and fashion and nail polish and make up and it’s great. i’m not trans, i’m pretty certain of that, but i wear a bunch of gender hats at different times so have settled on queer (side note, i cannot fucking wait to stop wearing shirt/tie/suit every fucking day and get down with some fucking nail polish)

in the same vein, i’ve moved over to queer for sexuality. especially with joining this choir i’m hanging around with a lot of gay men, some cute, a couple that really would quite like to put their dicks* in and/or around me. that’s cool but it’s like it ever was with seeing cute women around: you’re hot, i’m glad i get to look at you and hey, there’s maybe some good wank material there, but i ain’t gonna look to hook up. i’m very much with someone and they’re great and i don’t wanna make them sad, like, ever

being with the gay crew (cause that’s what happens when you join the bass section of an lgbt choir) has been sorta weird, like getting the education in being a queer guy that i never got as a young’un. learning all the subcultures and mainstream cultures and all that guff. gonna come out here and say i still don’t get or like drag, but i ain’t gonna crap on you unless you’re being really misogynistic

sidenote, gay guys stop being fucking misogynists, tia

anyway, this was My History, thanks for reading or not. i think the takeaway going forward is that i’m just a lot more comfortable in who i am and feel way less pressure to put forward a particular presentation or persona. that’s why i’ve grown to like queer - i like the part of queer theory that presents this stuff as hats we wear and that sort of is what we’re doing, playing roles and wearing costumes. it means i’m happier to just do and wear what feels right at the time.

oh look, there, we got a small amount of discourse. well done me

whatever, i’ll keep on keeping on and finding whoever attractive and look hot af doing whatever gender presentation i feel hottest as

peace

* - assuming they are dick havers, we aint trans-exclusionary up in this place, all genitals welcome in and/or around me, just put them in my face thanks

[manwhyyouevengottadoathing-blog]

up to date

hello

so quick update, coming to the end of that contract i mentioned, looking around for other stuff but holy shit could i use a bit of a break. turns out 2.5h/day five-per-week is not very sustainable, go figure

there’s still a good amount of sexy/snuggly/smoochy stuff going on between me and personface so that’s good. head of my choir has a big ol’ crush on me and that’s a little weird to deal with but eh, i don’t really care as long as he leaves it at flirting. sometimes i feel like a real square for being monogamous but at the same time i am a jealous man and she is a jealous woman and sometimes you just wanna be possessive and go “lol fuck off this is a 2 person deal go away”

anyway maybe i’ll find a new job but in the mean time i’m gonna do some housework, play some poker and put a whole bunch more hours into stardew valley; that game is the bomb-diggity-bomb

[manwhyyouevengottadoathing-blog]

woo

i had sex for the first time in like 9 fucking months

good for me

[manwhyyouevengottadoathing-blog]

liberalism is a fucking disease that preserves the status quo

i know most lefties know this by now but it bears repeating

[manwhyyouevengottadoathing-blog]

so anyway

hello

basically i wanted somewhere where i could semi-diary blog and all i really had was my actual personal site, which has some half decent articles on it. it would’ve been kind of a shame to shit up the vague quality over there, so here i am

i guess a little about me and where i am with things right now

i’m 29 and from sw england. this is tumblr so it’s obviously very important that everyone knows i’m bi/pan/queer/whatever* and not exactly a cis dude? like idk it’s probably me being genderqueer but i’m working on it and haven’t quite worked out how things work. give it time, like. i’m sure i’ll talk about this sometimes

if that first post wasn’t obvious i’m a developer, how original. currently doing the end of a 6 month contract in a sector i’m not particularly fond of, but it pays the bills. usually a java bod but hell if it hasn’t been all html/css/js this time round. whatever, any sucker with a decent grasp of the basics should be able to google their way round a language

big fuckin’ lefty sjw so yeah, there’s that. and i mean proper lefty not this “ooh don’t punch nazis that isn’t very nice” liberal bullshit

in a monogamous relationship with a woman for 6+ years, married for 2.5. she’s also bi and also awesome. bit of a dead bedroom situation and yeah that sorta sucks but everything else kicks ass and i’m legit in this shit for the emotional and not sexual relationship - it’s hella nice to come home and have this person who gives a toss and has hugs for you and will hold you when you’re feeling shitty and you feel and do all those things for them too

it takes hard work but being in love rocks y’all

idk outside of that shit i’ve got hobbies i guess? techie shit and gaming are obvious, i play a children’s card game, sing in an lgbt+ choir, like a few webcomics (no shit), love music, once in a blue moon make my own. kinky as the dickens but this ain’t the place for that (i got a porn tumblr cause that’s what tumblr is for)

hell if you’ve somehow found this goddamn post and read this goddamn far without getting bored just hit up the ask box or something if you actually want to know more

i’m outtie

* (snark aside yeah it kind of is important to be visible) 

[manwhyyouevengottadoathing-blog]

++++++++++[>+++++++>++++++++++>+++>+<<<<-]>++.>+.+++++++..+++.>++.<<+++++++++++++++.>.+++.------.--------.>+.>.

alright folks here we are i mean we’re doing this and it’s gonna be raw as hell

just raw as all hell

i’m gonna be straight with you here this is mainly a place for me to spew my shit all anonymous style. don’t expect shit to be interesting or consistent or good but hey it’s here and you can read it or not

it wont all be irreverent as fuck like this one but some of it will be and some of it will be diary stuff and i’ll probably forget about it in a week’s time so who cares

hello