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[margareth-shepard]

Just Re posting... So it will be more visible. Between all the crap i've been posting and the sexiness i re blog!

Restless (NSFW)

beginning, accusation. restless. snowflake. haze. flame. formal. companion. move. silver. prepared. knowledge. denial. wind. order. thanks. look. summer. transformation. tremble. sunset. mad. thousand. outside. winter. diamond. letters. promise. simple. future.

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[margareth-shepard]

Magareth Elizabeth Shepard Vas Normandy. 

Vangard

Colonist

War Hero

[margareth-shepard]

I would give anything just to hear in the quiver of your voice the word Siha.

I am weak, pretending to be strong but i might as well be indoctrinated, I don’t want to live any more. Maybe that is why you write that prayer for me.

You ask to your goddess to look after me because you knew I...

[margareth-shepard]

Is it better? Cuz I loved it. I will color it or maybe not… well im out! gotta take a bite!

[margareth-shepard]

*IF HE IS GOING OUT WITH A HUMAN IT SHOULD BE ME*

PS: MITCHEL IS A WHORE TOO… 

(IM LAUGHING SOOO HARD)

She first makes friends with you, cries her eyes out when you find Miranda and gets drunk via “emergency introduction port” and then she steals my man… DAMN GARRUS! Y U NO LET ME LOVE YOU! Dammit Kaidan you and your sweet ass and YOU THANE! manipulating me with you Siha nonsense… I dont know if i...

[margareth-shepard]

I am exhausted... a lot of work today at College. I will be on later. Working on The Decent of my archangel pt.3

[margareth-shepard]

The Traitor of the Galaxy

Just a normal day like any other in the Citadel. Every C-sec officer in their post, one and many civilians walking around. Cameras, keepers, aliens. But a shriek changed it all. An asari fainted in the feet of a turian.  Not just any turian, im afraid to tell. I was about to get to the elevator when I heard the shriek. I ran all the way to the docks and saw what we all thought it was a ghost. Saren Artemis. The Saren that shot himself in the head years ago by begin indoctrinated. I was in shock. A huge mob was surrounding him as he stood calmly in front of the people afraid of him . Just stood there.  Looking straight into my eyes.

-Commander. I was hoping I would run into you. Its not how it looks like. There is an explanation. Please take me to the council. I will not resist.

Still in shock, drew my gun and pointing to his face I signal him to keep on walking toward the elevator. What on Earth was he doing here? How the hell he survived? How?... We reached the elevator , me a few C-sec officers and Saren. The look on his eyes was so different, the didn’t glow blue anymore. They where brown. Almost tender. Ashamed.

-What are you doing here? Are you real Saren? How did you survived?- I almost burst.

-Well Shepard, you will know when I talk to the council. But I need you to help me.- he said in a creaky voice.

-How am I going to help you if you wont talk to me? I don’t even know how you are. Really..

-I understand, but I believe in your judgment.

As we reached to the Presidium, went thru the council door, the looks of horror and surprise where endless. They all looking at me, then at Saren all defenseless, all defeated. Still a eminence. A traitor.

-Commander! What is this! – Said the Salarian Chancellor. –What is the meaning of this!?

-He asked me to bring him here, he wouldn’t tell me why. But here we are. Saren, speak.

Rising his head. Looking at the counsil, fell on his knees and pleaded:

-I can no longer take the shame, If I  must be prosecuted I will take the charges, I don’t have a home to come to. I am charged of treason. . No one sees with pride the once believed dead, Turian Spectre Saren Artemis. I was indoctrinated, the only one that believed in me, till the end was Commander Shepard. After the Citadel explosion and evacuation the reapers took my body and reanimated it with the plans of using my knowledge to it final use. Kill Commander Shepard. It was a long processes since my implants were malfunctioning thanks to the last fight with the Commander and her crew. I was in the collector’s base the Illusive Man took control of. When they harvested humans they left me alone in the platform I was laying down on. I heard explosions and detonations. I assumed it was the Alliance and took and escape pod. I landed in a Cerberus Research Facility, where a scientist took me under his wing. He was a big fan of Dr. Tsoni. So I used to hear all sorts of news from Sheppars all the time, thanks to his obsession. He had me tied, in a secret  facility. They wanted to use me to kill Shepard if his agent seemed to fail. My implants started to fail, I broke free. I ran and got in a pod again with a lot of humans.

They attaked me, thinking I was geth or something. I resisted the attack. Almost dead, I reached Omega. Stole some Medi Gel and arrived here. Hoping the first face I would see was the Commander. I guess. She would have heard my plea. You would have kill me in the first sight of my face.

Everyone stood there silent. Not even the council knew what to do with him.

-If I’m going to be processed. I will not hesitate. I’ll accept my charges. But I wanted all of you to hear from me what really happened.

As he laid low his head, staring at the floor. Waiting to be, executed or something.

The Turian Chancellor walked forward and said:

-Saren, you where once a very respect member of our planet. Yet, you did committed  crimes of high treason to the galaxy. Yet we all knew, you where indoctrinated. You will go to jail and will wait for your sentence.

-Chancellor!  - I said without hesitate. I was there when he shot himself. I followed him through the galaxy with my team and heard great stories of what he was. He was indoctrinated. Maybe he was the cause for all this, but he was begin controlled. He wasn’t himself.  Thanks to him, I reached the controls of the Citadel. And opened to the destruction of the first reaper. My team is witness of this acts.

-Commander, this is typical human behavior. How is that humans are so easy to be deceived? You are open to make a case. But I asure you most people wont listen. Do as you must Spectre. Do as you must.

It was a very uneasy feeling begin there and see Saren be taken away, He helpless, once a menace now. Nothing. I stood there, looking directly at his eyes. His eyes, crying for help, for pity.

-I must do something. But what. I need to see what is really behind this.

[margareth-shepard]

ah!

Sometimes I wake up thinking about slapping Kaidan in the face but, then I see his ass and all I want is him spanking my ass... LOOL Random morning comment....

[margareth-shepard]

The Descent of My Archangel Pt. 2 (revisited)

 I got dressed and went straight to the Café. As I walked through the Citadel, I felt heavy. Took the elevator, down the stairs, to the left and there he was. Kaidan, looking all smilie and cute. He was definitely not going to make it easier. I sat down, I was so nervous. Suddenly, he grabs my hand.

-          I’m so happy you are here. I invited you here because, I want to know what is going to happen between us. I’ve seen you are not interested. Maybe is because you haven’t passed over Horizon, I understand. I have no excuse. I care about you Shepard. But before that lets eat or drink.

-          Think they have any Canadian larger or any human beer? – I replied

-          If you are trying to butter me up, you have to buy me a sandwich too.

We talked and laugh. I told him about Thane, how I felt. He with almost watery eyes, told me it was fine. At least someone kept me safe. He told me about his students, about Canada. How it was without me, what he wanted. But then in a creaky voice he said:

-          I still love you. Would you take me back? Although, it feels wrong. I feel you do love me, but not as I do. Which is ok.  So would you?

-          Kaidan… I. I can’t. I care for you, but not as I used to. My love for you died in Horizon that day. I care for you. But I cant do this. I hope this wont make the fight the against the reapers more difficult. For you.

-          I sort of expected this. If I would have been a better person, not just send you a letter, I should have done something. Its not your fault, I abandoned you. Everything happened so fast. Im sorry. I just want you, happy.

-          Thanks Kaidan. Thank you for a lovely day.

-          My pleasure. Anytime. And if you change your mind, you know where to find me.

As I walked out I could only think about Garrus. The population of turians was huge in the Citadel that day or maybe I never notice that almost all C-sec are Turians. Silly me I guess. I was almost running back to the Normandy when I was on the deck. I rushed down to the elevator. Down the corridor. Up the steps… Stopped in front of the main battery. Took a big breath. Came in.  Stood there paralyzed.

Tali and Garrus where kissing. Pressed against each other’s bodies. Touching, kissing, and salivating.  That should be me; they stand there waiting to be accused.  I can hear them saying something on the distance. Suddenly the room starts to spin. I feel the blood rushing to my head. I couldn’t control my legs or my body or the tears. So I ran. Ran. I hid in the first door I saw. Life Support. Locked the door with my omni-tool. Sat down in the desk where I used to sit with Thane and poured out crying.

-HOW COULD I’VE BEEN SO STUPID!- pounding on the desk. –I should have known.  I lost. Now I can’t go back to Kaidan, Thane is dead and Garrus is gawking to that quarian slut.

-Shepard is there something wrong? I saw you run in a increased velocity to the Life support room. Are you hurt? Do you need help? Why did you locked the door?

Extremely annoyed I reaplied:

    -Edi, just leave me alone. I don’t want to be disturbed. Please.

    -As you wish commander. She reaplied as I hear a loud bang in the door.

   -Shepard, are you allright? It’s Tali. Can we talk? Please open up! You are worrying me.

Her accent was irritating me, her voice was driving me out of my patience. I was about to loose control until I heard his voice. Lowly but clear.

-          Maybe I’m the one that should talk to her, Tali. SHEPARD! Can we talk? Let me explain.

I don’t know what made me go almost running to the door to open it. I let him in, but as he went in Tali tried to get here too. I poured my soul into spooking her with one look. She backed out.  As I almost crush her with the door, I took two steps back and then turn to find myself with a very terrified Garrus. A guys that is not afraid of the reapers, of dying on the battlefield. Terrified of me. He could beat me off or kill me easy. I wouldn’t budge, I would have taken a bullet from his gun without a fight.

     -So, he said and a jumpy voice. –What happened Shepard? I got worried, Tali is scared. You just ran.

-Garrus- I interrupted – I just broke up with Kaidan, I was on my way to tell you how much I love you, all I wanted for us, that I love you since the first time I saw you, just you, is not a thing I got for turians because I can’t find another turian attractive. I’ve been going out of my mind for years and I built the courage to get up to you and ask you to be with me and I find this… this scene in front of me, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! MEEEEEE! I’ve always loved you. I jumped from guy to guy because I wanted you. But you and your calibrations kept me away. What is that I don’t got that quarian whore has? I AM THE SAVIOR OF THE GALAXY! I AM THE FEARLESS COMMANDER MARGARETH ELIZABETH SHEPARD! I SAVED EVERYONES LIVES! I, I… did it for you. I wanted to come back for you. Now I got nothing. Again. What! Say something, please.

-Ummm, I don’t know what to say, You are the only friend I have in all the galaxy. But I never thought I was possible for you to see me, When you got together with Alenko I was happy, you needed love and individual attention, with all what was going on you needed something to hold on to. Something more closer to home was what you choose so I was happy.  But now, things are by far more complicated. I got together with Tali because she is the first to even get close to me like that….

-WHAAAAAAAAAAT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME VAKARIAN! I TAKE YOU EVERYWHERE WITH ME. I talk to you in anyway I can, with any excuse possible. But you, always calibrating. OH! So that is why, you guys have a lot in common so that is why you allowed her in your heart, but not me. Ha, interesting.  Do whatever you want. I ll leave it here. I don’t want to loose you. But tell her, not to cross me. Or I swear of God I will tear her suit into pieces and NO ONE WILL dare to touch her after wards. I swear. I will kill her. 

I left storming out. I couldn't even see straight. Not until I got to my cabin and figure out, that i was crying.

[margareth-shepard]

The Descent of My Archangel Pt. 1

 I hope you guys like it. More of them are coming! Im at the moment finishing the last part of this one.

I’ve been trying to get pass Thane’s death. It is just so hard just remembering his prayer for me. Until the end he only thought of me, he loved me more than anyone in the world. Maybe except for Kolyalt. Sometimes I go down to the crew quarters and sneak out to the Life Support room just to feel closer to him. Since the assault to the Citadel by Cerberus I haven’t even thought of going to the Huerta’s Hospital Wing. I don’t even want to be close to his death. I don’t want to remember him as in a bed, gasping for air. I want to remember him as what he was to me, as I was to him, his warrior angel. His Siha. Maybe that could be a male variety. Him begin my Siha. After Kaidan shut me down and spit on my face all my feelings on Horizon, even thou he has a point I WAS dead after all. But wasn’t enough for him to see me in the flesh and I dunno run to me and make everything better? Curse this military mind of mine! Maybe if I would have jumped on his arms everything would have been different. Maybe not. Even thou I say to Mayor Alenko that everything between us was ok, Is not. I cant get pass from the fact that he doubted me. He should have no better, of all people he should have know better. The only person of the crew that I could have bet my soul that knew me, didn’t.  For Garrus took like five seconds to go back by my side, Liara too. If he was grieving me so bad, why was it so hard? Thane gave me strength and confidence, he gave me everything back. Courage. Smiles. Maybe is just a human thing not to trust that fast. I doubt it. But how in the world could it be that the “aliens” of my crew, because that word works for either of us, took less time to get to see right pass Cerberus, and Kaidan didn’t. Now, Mordin dies too. For a good cause, I would have never sabotage him of the Krogan after all we’ve been through. Its not about begin paragon or renegade really. Its about doing what is morally right, even thou morals are relatively personal. Begin the captain has its downsides, I have no one to talk to and I need to get something out of my chest.

-Samantha, can you tell Liara that I need to talk to her. I will be in my cabin- I said in a very weak voice.

-Yes commander. Right away. Traynor reaplied

As I waited for Liara, my nerves were eating me alive. Was It normal that me, the Commander Shepard needed help solving something so simple as her personal life, she is the savior of the galaxy. I am an Ace when it comes to guns, point, shoot, pull and meele. But my own personal life is way to hard for me to go through by myself. I bet is because of my background. There is no other explanation. Also, all this reaper shit and the war. I opened to Kaidan he shutting me down, loving Thane and he passing. Also Mordin and having the galaxy, the council and the Alliance up my ass too. I don’t know how to work this out. So I stand up to pick Thane’s picture up, I hear the door opening.

-Hi, Shepard. Is there something you need? I bet you do, because, you wouldn’t have called me just for nothing. Maybe you did…. Im sorry. Is just that, im curious. What do you need?

-Liara, this is very embarrassing. But I need help. I cant contain myself anymore. This is way to strong for me to fight it. I haven’t had time to tell no one because I haven’t got the time with all that is going on.  Thane, Mordin. The Reapers, the collectors, Cerberus, I mean everything. I think I cant go back to Kaidan. I don’t love him. Not anymore. But that is just the the icing of this problematic cake.

I, love someone else. Since the beginning. I don’t think the person sees me as I do. Maybe more like a friend. A very protective friend indeed. But I just wish he could see me as I do. I ended up with Thane because when I started to realize what I felt for him he was always busy with his ummm calibrations.

-YOU LOVE GARRUS!- Liara jumped from her seat, spilling her glass of wine neatly serve while a was talking. She took a big sigh and continue to go to the bathroom and came back with a towel. - Dear Goddess. Was this before Kaidan or after Kaidan’s fight on Horizon?

-The first time I saw Mr. Vakarian on C-Sec I thought he was sexy. The way he holds the gun, his voice. There was something different about him. I used to go down to the cargo storage back in the first Normandy all the time just to talk to him. Ashley always seemed to take notice. But since he was always, distant I involved myself with Kaidan. He was so sweet and tender. Adventurous and eager to be around me.  Maybe more like a soldier but, at the end. Sex was great and having him around be gave me something else to fight for.  He blew me of and Thane came and as he did, now he is gone. Now all this situation, really puts me on a deadline. The reapers are here, if I die tomorrow I want to at least die knowing I had a shot  or that I tried. But I don’t care if I have to jump on to him. I will have me some piece of that Turian’s ass.

Liara was very attentive. Almost about to burst into a big laugh. I panicked.

-What is it Liara? Do you know something I don’t?  I replied with a very serious tone.

-Umm, not exactly. Is just that What you are implying is. Very suggestive. You have nothing to loose I guess. If you can’t trust Mayor Alenko you just have to tell him. You are in a great position here, he want to be in the ship, he wants to kill the reapers. He has to be under your command. Maybe he knows. He loves you Shepard. As I told you in Mars, he is has turned out very capable. He will understand, maybe a shock and all. But he will understand. Eventually.

- How should I do it?  There is no easy way to do this.

- Maybe you should wait till the morning or now. He was playing poker with Joker a while ago. I could hear them fighting with Vega, I bet he was cheating again.

-Oh Liara, I’m such a slut.

-No! You just, didn’t know. You where scared of begin rejected so you settled. That is normal, even for us the asari, we do it to. Is love. It’s never easy.

I hugged Liara as hard as I could. She stood up and left. All I had to do was to be definitive with Kaidan now. So, I had to wait for the right moment. At that exact moment my console receives a new message. It was Kaidan’s. He wanted us to go out and eat on the Apollo’s Café in the Citadel. Perfect. 

[margareth-shepard]

Nightmares...

As I lay down and try to go to sleep, my mind drifts away thinkking about all things i have to say. How to rally the troops, how to manage every little detail of battle. I am indeed a commander. I am the person, the role, everything in this war. Its too much. I wish i could fail. It would be easy. I could rest. I could go and just, fail. I just lay here, in this linens, cold and lonely. I hear voices. I hear Thane, I hear Legion, I hear Kelly, I hear... the screaming victims of the reapers, I..

I think sometimes of going to the my colony. Just be there, have a house. Have kids, quit the Alliance. Paint, sculpt, sing. Not have a gun on my hands again. I just want to just die, give up. Be the one begin carried away from harm, begin protected. And If I get that chance I want it to be you. I love you Kaidan.

[margareth-shepard]

As in this moments when I feel you're breath on my neck, rushing to my lips. Whispering sweet nothings, oh my dear Kaidan. I came from hell, I go back to hell. But here you are again, loving me for who I am. The Galaxy sees me as a hero, as an example. Such a pressure wherever I go. But as I go into my cabin and I see you there, waiting for me, my blood rising. My hands, loosing control. My mind going insane, to hear you say I love you Shepard. I love you Margie. Just lay there. Watching as the galaxy revolves around us. You just ask of me the most simple and tender things. Love. I love you more than you could even imagine. You are all I have left. Don't ever let go Alenko. Please. 

[margareth-shepard]

Me and Thane in Egypt.

I'm so glad I could give him his last wish before I got arrested.