marissawallenbdb-blog

[marissawallenbdb-blog]

Waking up/telling John

I wake up and stretch- then suddenly sit up, alarmed, realizing that I’m not in my own bed at home. Then I remembered why. The fight with Havers. Being kicked out and disowned. Racing the dawn to get here to the Brotherhood Compound. Praying that Wrath and Beth would allow me to stay there for a day or two until I could find somewhere else. Telling them my story and finding an unexpected sort of welcome. I cover my eyes as tears threaten, and just breathe for a minute. I am here, I am safe, and can stay here as long as i need to. Once I calm down a little, I know I need to get up and face the night, and find John. Beth had been right this morning, I don’t think I could’ve handled going through telling the story twice in a row, but he needs to know what happened. I get up and examine the pile of clothes Beth had lent me. Jeans and shirts, and a couple sweaters. I’d never worn pants before, only dresses, but that was alright. I would figure this out. I undress and lay the borrowed pajamas on the bed.The jeans I pull on are just a little bit too long, so I roll up the hem a couple times, then pull on a slightly loose blouse in a lovely dark blue color. I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair, and then- seeing no reason for any further delay- I walk across the hall and knock on John’s door. He opens it, still pulling on a shirt. Apparently I’d interrupted his own morning routine. His face lights up and he mouths my name. Then a look of concern falls over his face and he signs ‘What are you doing here?’

“That’s… well, a bit of a long story. May I come in?” He nods and signs ‘of course,’ stepping back so that I can enter the room. When he closes the door and turns back to me, I just step up and wrap my arms around him, laying my head on his chest for a moment so he wouldn’t see the tears I suddenly felt threatening to fall. He wrapped his arms around me for a moment, then brushed my hair back, tilted my face up towards his,  and mouthed “what happened?”

“My bro- ah, Havers, has kicked me out of the house. He has disowned me.” John’s eyes popped wide in surprise. I nod. “If Beth and Wrath had not allowed me to stay here today, I do not know what I would’ve done.” I feel a growl rumbling through his chest, then he gains control of himself and leads me over to the chaise lounge. ‘What happened?’ he signs, repeating his earlier inquiry. I give a wobbly smile as he sits next to me, trying to lighten the mood a little bit.  “‘Sit down and tell me everything’ hmmm? How very like your sister you are, John.” Then I tell him the story, going through it much the same way I had for Wrath, Beth, and Bella this morning. And John’s reaction was the same as theirs had been, but stronger. If there was one word to describe John as he got up and started pacing as if he wanted to rip something- or more accurately, someone- to pieces with his bare hands, that word would be “volcanic.’ He was all lethal strength and finely honed skill wrapped up in the explosive casing of his anger, fit to burst at any moment- and I knew who his preferred target would be. I knew I had to try to defuse the tension within him somehow, or by dawn I might truly have no blooded family left on this side of the Fade.

“John.” I approach slowly, trusting completely that he would never hurt me, but at the same time not wishing to spook him. At the sound of my voice, he stops pacing and looks at me. He does not relax, though- his body still a tight coil of anger. I reach up and lat my hand on his cheek. “Look at me, nallum. I am whole and unhurt, and your sister and the King have said that I can stay here for as long as I need to, to get my feet under me. Let us just focus on the future from here, alright? Let us figure out what I am going to do now.” he pulls me against him and wraps his arms tight around me. I can hear his heart pounding beneath my ear, and can feel him struggling to relax his muscles and calm down. Some time later (ten minutes? Thirty? Who knew or cared?), he releases me and steps back so he can sign.

‘I’m sorry. It’s just, the thought of you having no shelter as dawn approaches makes me mental.’ He shudders. ‘What would’ve happened if you hadn’t thought to come back here? Or couldn’t make it in time? The idea that you could be nothing more than a pile of ash somewhere out there right now, with me none the wiser, no clue as to the circumstances so that I knew I had to ahvenge you-’ I clasp his hands to stop him.

“John, stop. Let us not focus on the what ifs and close calls, the things we cannot change because they’re already in the past. I can hardly think of it without breaking down or going crazy, myself. So instead, let us think about what is, and the future. As I said, I am here and well, and that is the most important thing. I am not saying that we should ever forgive my brother and forget what he did to me-” I break off as I catch the look in John’s face. “Yes, I know. I don’t think I can ever do either of those things either, nallum. But I need to focus on what I’m going to do now. That’s all I’m saying. I cannot stay here and trespass upon your sister and brother-in-law’s hospitality forever, after all.” Just then, my stomach lets out a rather large rumble. I lay a hand on my middle, and chuckle. “Sorry nallum. With everything that happened this morning I didn’t even think of Last Meal…” he straightens up and signs.

‘Well then, the very first thing I foresee in the future is me taking my wonderful, lovely leelan downstairs to First Meal so that I can feed her!’ I get up on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek, glad that he had a new task to distract him- for a little while anyway…

“Alright my love, lead on.” I say, sliding my hand in his as we start towards the door.

-solo end-

[marissawallenbdb-blog]

Unexpectedly Welcome

“My deepest apologies for just showing up here like this, your majesty, but… I need help.” A look of confusion passes over the queen’s face as she looks over at me.

“Marissa? What are you doing here? I thought you’d already gone home for the day.’

“I-indeed I had, my- ah, Beth.’ I said, automatically correcting myself from calling her ‘my queen,’ since she’d already made it plain that she prefers to be called by her name. “But my brother and I have had a fight, and well- he kicked me out of our home. If you would let me stay here today, perhaps tomorrow as well, while I attempt to make other arrangements? I truly do not wish to be a burden, but I have literally nowhere else to go.” I put my hand over my mouth as a sob threatens to escape. Beth and Bella both come over to me, and Beth wraps an arm around my shoulders as Bella takes my hand.

“It’s alright, Marissa, of course you can stay here. But I think we need the whole story. Fritz, please go and get us some tea, or other refreshments. I think it’s needed.” the kindly doggen bows and goes off in the direction of the kitchen. “And I think we need to bring Wrath in on this. Bella, would you take Marissa into the library while I go get him?”

“No problem.” The other female responds, then Beth cuts me off before I can object.

“No, Marissa. You’re Wrath’s former shellan, and- logical or not, necessary or not-  he does still feel responsible for you. Added to that, Havers is our personal physician. If you’re going to be staying here, however temporarily, because the two of you had a bad enough fight that he kicked you out of the house, Wrath needs to be told.” I sigh.

‘Yes, I suppose you’re right.” Beth walks over and starts up the stairs, and Bella lays her hand on my shoulder, squeezing softly and giving me a small, friendly smile. We go to the library and sit on the sofa in front of the dormant fireplace. In seemingly no time at all, the door opens again, and the royal couple enters, with Fritz just behind them. As he walks over to the coffee table to set down the tray he’s carrying, the king smiles at him.

“Thanks my man, we’ll let you know if we need anything else.’ The butler bows and leaves, shutting the door behind him. Then Wrath and Beth sit down on the couch opposite Bella and I, and he leans forward with his elbows propped on his thighs.  “Alright Marissa, tell us exactly what the hell’s going on. “ i take a deep breath and begin my tale.

It all began when John was found in the human world and brought to the attention of the Brotherhood. He was brought into Havers’s clinic for a series of physical examinations to make sure he was in good health, and DNA tests to try to track down his bloodlines. I was volunteering there as usual, and we began chatting- well, he was writing, of course- and we became friends. I ended up volunteering to feed him during his transition when it hit, since I could get there to Torhment’s house, or the Compound if he happened to be there, faster than just about anyone else. We even had a plan in place to get me to him during daylight hours if that happened to be when his Change came upon him. And once that occurred, our friendship began to morph into something else, something much deeper. Havers did not like this. John may be the son of a Brother and half brother to the queen, and thus a member of the glymera by birth, but he was also mute (though, one would assume that a doctor would have more tolerance and acceptance of such things). Added to that, he was also raised among humans, so he was still learning our ways. And given my social class’s opinion of that other species, Havers probably also considers John ‘contaminated.’ The more time I spent with John, and the deeper our connection grew, the more mine brother and I butted heads over our association. The tension between us grew and grew until it finally culminated in this morning’s fight.

And now here I am, homeless, with no family who will acknowledge me anymore, and dependent upon my former hellren and his new shellan for shelter and support until I can get my feet under me once more.

As I tell my story, I can feel the anger radiating from all three of my listeners. Then finally as i finish, Wrath bursts to his feet and exclaims “That shortsighted, prejudicial fool!’ I blink, taken back a bit at the strength of his reaction. “I’m going to have a serious talk with that male…’ I shake my head

“Please do not trouble yourself on my account, my lord. I do not think he will ever change his mind on the subject. And even if he did, if he were to come to me and take all those words back, telling me I could come home, I do not think I ever could. Not after this. As i told your shellan, i just need somewhere to stay for a short while until i find my own place, and I would be most grateful if you would be so kind as to allow me to stay here.”

“Well, of course you can stay here, for as long as you need to.” Beth said firmly, leveling a look at her hellren as if daring him to disagree with her. He simply nodded in agreement, and she smiled and looked back at me. ‘You’ve had an eventful night, and could probably use some rest. Come on, I had Fritz make up a room for you, and he should be just about done by now. I’ll show you the way.” I get up and follow her, and she leads me upstairs to one of the bedroom suites. As we approach the door, she nods at the room directly across the hall. “That’s John’s suite. I thought maybe you two would likely want to be close to each other. But, let’s not disturb him quite yet.” she continued as we walk into the room. “I think he’s already asleep, and besides he’ll definitely wanna know why you’re staying here, and I don’t think you’re up for going through that whole story all over again so soon. This evening will be soon enough.” I nod in agreement. “Now, why don’t you go take a nice hot shower while I go get you something to sleep in. And I know we’re not exactly the same size, but I have some clothes that should fit you well enough until we can get some of your own things brought over. I’ll bring them as well.” She turns for the door.

“Beth? Why are you doing this?” I call out before I can stop myself, before she can walk out of the room. She turns back with a surprised and curious look in her eyes. I look away, unsure, but press on with an explanation, seeing no other choice. “I-I truly have no wish to offend or upset you, it’s only that this is not the reaction I was expecting from you when I arrived, and I was wondering at it. Why are you doing this? Welcoming me so, being so nice to me?” I glance up, but glance away as she walks towards me. She lays her hand on my cheek for a moment, then puts it under my chin to tip my face up so I’m looking at her.

“I want you to listen to what I’m about to say, Marissa, and remember it; there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. Remember feeding Wrath when he was shot? My blood was still too weak, i wasn’t far enough past my transition yet. You saved the life of the man I love when I couldn’t have done so myself. Added to that, John is- well, he cares about you a great deal. And it’s because of my brother that yours has disowned you-” I shake my head.

“No, it is not John’s fault. It is the result of Havers being a- how did Wrath put it?- a shortsighted, prejudicial fool.” Beth nods.

“Yes, you’re right.’ She gives me a little hug, with a smile. “Now, shower. Sleep. I’ll come back and leave the clothes for you on the bed. I’ll see you this evening at First Meal.” I nod.

“Alright, I will see you then.” she walks out, closing the door behind her, and I walk into the bathroom to follow her suggestion. After lingering in a hot shower I come out and put on the borrowed pajamas, moving the rest of the clothing Beth had brought onto a chair to be sorted through later. Then I slide under the covers to slip almost immediately into a deep, worn out sleep.

#MarissaAsksToStay #UnexpectedlyWelcome

[marissawallenbdb-blog]

The fight/ kicked out

I arrive back at the home I share with mine brother, Havers. I’d spent the night at the Brotherhood Compound with John Matthew, just “hanging out” as he calls it. We watched movies, ate a lot of popcorn, and drank quite a bit of soda. We laughed and talked. We had a wonderful time, and as dawn drew closer I found myself more and more reluctant to leave. This was happening more and more with each visit. It was so refreshing to be around someone who didn’t shun me just because an arranged mating didn’t work out. All the glymera truly cared about were appearances, not the truth of what happened between us.

I start to go upstairs to my chambers when I hear my brother’s voice ring out. “You were just with him, weren’t you?” I turn to face him, refusing to be cowed. Why should I be ashamed because I’d spent time in the company of such a male of worth as John? “Yes I was. What of it?” “You know that I do not want you around him.” I sigh, resigned to having this conversation yet again. Havers believes that my John isn’t worthy of me, since he was raised among humans and not in the glymera as he should’ve been, and is therefore still rather unfamiliar with our ways. I think he also considers John “tainted.” My temper straining, I burst out. “And you know that I do not care! We’ve been through this, Havers. I’m glad that he wasn’t raised in the glymera. Given the way they treated me after Wrath and I ended our mating I would be happy to never see any of them again- with perhaps one or two exceptions.” “Yet sister, the glymera is where you belong. It is your birthright.” “Where I belong? After being snubbed and disrespected by all of them for years? Centuries?!? And it’s only grown worse since Wrath and I separated. If you are holding out hope that I will mate a glymera male, brother mine, you are doomed to disappointment. Even if there is one who would have me, what makes you think I would be with _him_? I do not want any male of the glymera, I want John! Why can you not simply be happy for me, that I have found a male of worth, who truly cares for me as I care for him? Why do the circumstances of his birth and his history mean that much to you?” “I do want you to be happy, sister mine! Of course I do, but I also want you to be with a male who is worthy of you.” “My John is worthy! He is good and kind, but also fierce and brave. He is a skilled, proud warrior and might even become a Brother one day soon. Any female should be proud and honored to be with him. I love him, brother mine, and would become his shellan this very night if he asked me to!” A look of shock passes over Havers’ face, followed by anger. “Very well then Marissa, if you continue to refuse to see sense I have no choice. As long as you continue seeing John Matthew you are not any kin of mine. This is no longer your home.” “Very well then!” I burst out, filled with anger and annoyance. “Why would I wish to be the sister of a shortsighted, stubborn, prejudicial fool like you?!?” Flying high on temper, I turn and storm back out of the front door. As it slams behind me and the chilly predawn air cools my head, though, I realize my predicament. No home. No family anymore. And the sun would be rising in less than 30 minutes. I try to think through the rising panic. If I have any chance of surviving past the next half hour, I have only one option. I dematerialize back to the Brotherhood Compound and pound upon the door. #Fritz answers and allows me in, a look of surprised concern on his face. “Mistress Marissa! Are you alright?” “No Fritz, I-” I break off as I see Wrath’s new shellan Beth and Bella, shellan of the Brother Zsadist, coming out of the library. Perfect. My former hellren’s brand new mate- the queen of the race- and another female of the glymera both witness to my humiliation. This was not the time to cling to pride, however. I bow to the queen before I speak again. “My deepest apologies for just showing up here like this, your majesty, but…. I need help.” -solo end- #TheBigFight #KickedOut #Homeless #MineBrotherIsAnAss

[marissawallenbdb-blog]

Thoughtful Hellren

Solo: Thoughtful Hellren *Dematerializing home to the Compound after a long night at SafePlace, I smile at Fritz as he lets me in. Dragging my feet a bit as exhaustion begins to set in, I go up to the suite of rooms John Matthew and I share- and stop just inside the door, my mouth dropping open in surprise. Mine Hellren is standing near the fireplace, in front of a coffee table that had been pushed over in front of it, with cushions spread out on the floor before it, and a bottle of wine and what appears to be covered trays of food upon it. Candles were lit everywhere in the room. I look at him, raising a brow* What's all this? *He smiles and signs. "Come here, leelan." I walk over and take his hand. He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight, and as I rest my head on his chest I am as always swamped by the love I feel for this strong, fierce yet gentle, silent male of worth. He kisses me, then pulls back so that he can sign. "Surprise! I know I don't think of doing things like this very often, but I wanted to spoil you a little bit. You've been working so much and so hard at SafePlace that you deserve a little special treatment. Come, leelan, and let me feed you." We sit on the cushions, and he lifts the lids off of the trays to reveal a platter of fruit and berries, and another of roast chicken, rice, and vegetables. Of course, Fritz had made sure to send up more than enough for the two of us. John picks up a strawberry, dips it in some chocolate sauce, and holds it to my lips. I eat it, then feed him a piece of cantaloupe. We go back and forth, slowly feeding each other until we're both full. Then I curl up in his lap and lay my head on his shoulder. I smile and close my eyes as he begins to stroke my hair, enjoying the opportunity to just relax alone with mine Hellren, even if only for a couple precious hours. Between my work at SafePlace and his rotation schedule fighting with the Brothers, it's been rather rare lately that we've had the chance to have time alone like this that lasted for more than a few minutes at a stretch. Best enjoy it while we can, I think to myself, since we've no way of knowing when we'll have the chance to do something like this again. He puts his fingers under my chin, lifting my face. As our gazes meet, the heat I see in his quickly turns the easy, relaxed contentment I feel into something else entirely. I hum low in my throat as I kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he stands up, scooping me up into his arms as he goes. He carries me over to the bed, where we- eventually- lay together, all sleepy and sated. I extinguish the candles with my mind, and I'm vaguely aware of the sound of the shutters lowering for the day. As I start that final slide into slumber, I feel John take my hand and kiss my fingers, then press my palm to his heart* I love you too, nallum* I murmur. I know that it was all worth it. Being shunned by the glymera after Wrath and I separated, my brother kicking me out of our home when I refused to stop seeing John. Everything I went through and gave up, was worth it to be here in moments like this, John's beloved shellan. Safe, honored, and forever cherished.* -solo end- #TTFAB #ThoughtfulHellren

[marissawallenbdb-blog]

Feeding from Wrath

Marissa: *Walking over to the French King's portrait, I swing it open to reveal the door and start down the stairwell. I open the door to Wrath's chamber and stood just inside the door. @TyphloticRuler was standing with his back to the door, and I felt uneasiness at the sight of him. As much as I care for him and refuse to let him go, he still made me nervous too sometimes. He turns to face me, and I bow.* My lord. *He takes off his leather jacket and flexes his arms, and I am awed- and nervous. This male could probably snap me in half with one hand and minimal effort* I'm sorry to disturb you Sire, but I couldn't wait any longer. Wrath: [I had arrived at Darius’s place, the blood still pumping from the battle I had been involved in after my meeting with Darius, the scent of that lesser asshole still seeming to linger, clinging to me as a reminder that I was pumped for battle, ready for more, craving more. As always, I sensed @OurRacesBeauty before she arrived, the fresh ocean scent that preceded her always the sign of her arrival. Uneasiness as well as devotion filled the air around her as she bowed and greeted me. I turned to face @OurRacesBeauty and took in what little of her I could see. As always, the female was dressed in her best, something she always did and it was something she did for me...how I wished she wouldn’t. I slipped off my jacket and headed for the bathroom.] ‘You need me, I come’ was the simple response I gave to @OurRacesBearty when she had spoken her words of apology. [I lathered up my hands with the soap after rolling up my sleeves, working the suds over my arms as well, ridding myself of the grime and sweat and death that I was certain clung to me. After rinsing away the soap, I shut the faucet off, grabbed a towel and dried off my arms before returning to the room. I took up my seat upon the couch and awaited her approach, teeth grinding together as I did. We had been together for centuries now, however, it always took @OurRacesBeauty time to approach me.] Marissa: *When @TyphloticRuler came back from the bathroom and sat down, carrying the scent of soap with him, I knew he'd just washed away the blood of our enemies* You've been busy tonight, my lord? *I ask as I start making my way over to him slowly. He nods, then gives me a stern order to come to him, followed by a scolding for waiting so long to call on him. He lays his forearm on his knee and turns it wrist-up. I sink to my knees before him as my fangs descend, then sink them into his vein, taking what my body is starving for* Wrath: [I had watched @OurRacesBeauty as she circled,moving closer and closer towards me.I did my best to relax my face,my best to relax as much as I could in general.I felt sorry for Marissa,forced to be my shellan,her role now that of sustaining the 'king' of our species alive...king.That was something I was meant to be,a 'leader' for our people and yet I would rather be out in the field as a warrior than perched on a throne as a king. I had told @OurRacesBeauty time and again that I would release her from being my shellan,give her the freedom she deserved to find a mate that would not only kill anything that threatened her but would love her too.But Marissa would not give up on me. When she finally found her place in front of me and I felt her fangs sink into the flesh of my wrist,I lay my head back and focused as best I could to remain calm as the panic began to rapidly rise.With eyes tightly shut,my free arm gripped the couch and I willed myself to remain in place,tried to relax and not fly off the couch.* Marissa: *After drinking my fill, I seal the wounds and lay back on the floor, absorbing the strength @TyphloticRuler's blood brings me. When he immediately gets up and starts pacing the room like a caged animal, I knew that I would once again return home a newling. What is it about me he finds so repellant? Even after all this time, I just don't understand it. Then he comes over and picks me up, and I think that perhaps I'm wrong- until a knock sounds at the door. He walks over and lays me out on the bed, covers me with a sheet and walks over to answer the door. As he goes, I tell him that I shall see myself home. When he walks out of the room and closes the door, I dematerialize straight to my own bed and curl up crying. -SL end- #TTFAB #FeedingFromWrath

[marissawallenbdb-blog]

Feeling Hungry

*I stand in front of my bedroom’s full-length mirror and inspect myself critically. My flowing white dress was lovely and fit perfectly, my hair loose and attractive as it flows over my shoulders and down my back. I was meeting with @TheBDBKing tonight. I’d delayed contacting him for as long as I could, but I could wait no longer. I needed to feed tonight, so I was about to meet with him at his Brother Darius’s home. I couldn’t stop the hope that rose yet again in my foolish heart as I prepared to go to him. After three and a half centuries one would think I would have learned the lesson by now, but I never did. Every time we met, I would hope that this would be the time he took me, made me truly and fully his shellan. And every time, I would return to my brother’s home full of soul crushing, heartbreaking disappointment that he’d fed from me, or let me feed from him, but left me otherwise untouched. He’d been trying for many decades to push me into breaking our covenant (and I knew why he wouldn’t do so himself: He was trying to preserve my reputation in the glymera, and I was grateful for his consideration), but I refused to. Stubborn of me, perhaps, but I couldn’t help it. Our mating may have been an arranged one, and he seems at various times to be at best indifferent to me, at worst repulsed by me. But, I do love him. Desire him. He is strong and powerful, a proven warrior fighting to protect our race. A truly phearsome and honorable male. It is my honor to be bound to him. He could also be rather…. abrasive, however, and if I left him who else would be with him? I am used to his darker moods after all this time, would another female wish to take the time to try to look past his rough, angry exterior to the male I knew was underneath all that? Or would she be frightened off? Shaking my head to stop all these thoughts, I tell myself to stop delaying and be on my way already. Glancing at my bed, I send a quick prayer to the Scribe Virgin that this night wouldn’t end with me once again lying curled up upon it in tears. I dematerialize to the front yard of Darius’s house, and walk up to knock on the door. It is answered as always by his kindly doggen #Fritz. He bows and smiles in welcome. “Good evening, Mistress Marissa!” He steps to the side to allow me entry, and I smile as I walk past him into the foyer.* Good evening #Fritz. *I stop, looking at the huge portrait of some ancient French King that hid the entrance to the stairwell that led down to Darius’s and Wrath’s private quarters. Well, “Here’s hoping!” as the saying went…* #PreparingToFeedFromWrath #TTBFamily

[marissawallenbdb-blog]

Wrath's Transition.

*I dematerialize to the location I had been pulled to. I knew that Wrath, son of Wrath, and heir to the throne of our race, was enduring his transition this night. I also knew where to go because, as his promised shellan, I had been allowed to feed from him. That way, when the Change came upon him I would know that he needed me and would be able to find him, wherever he was. After all this time, he was finally transitioning, and once I see him through this safely we can be fully and properly mated. Nerves and excitement jangling in my belly at the thought, I look around at the place I found myself. It was a farm, and I was standing just outside the barn. I open the door and enter it, finding Wrath lying in a pile of hay in a room within. I walk over and kneel beside him, placing my hand gently on his shoulder* Sire! My lord, it is Marissa. I am here to help, to feed you. *When he did not even turn his head to acknowledge me, I began to worry. I scored my wrist open myself and put it to his mouth. He turned his head then, taking hold of my wrist and drinking deeply. When he is done, he just lies back, clearly exhausted. He closes his eyes, and I soon know he is asleep. Relaxing a little now that I know he's going to be alright, I look around. This place is well built, and the room enclosed and windowless, so with the door closed I knew he'd be safe enough now while he rested, even if he slept until after dawn. Surely after he woke he would come seek out my brother and I to begin the formalities. For now, I will do the only remaining thing I can. Let him rest, and come to us when he is ready. Closing my eyes, I dematerialize home. -solo end- #TTB #FlashbackSL #WrathsTransition