markourshapes

[markourshapes]

Today I got a quote for my top surgery, and tomorrow I present a research poster at the Cannabis Science Conference. Life is weird and wild right now.

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I think social media has been contributing a lot to my anxiety because I get trapped in thought spirals about whether every little reaction i have is problematic, and I have a lot of weird unpredictable reactions thanks to trauma. I’m gonna try spending less time on Tumblr.

See y’all around

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how do you respond when someone says something that you think is probably wrong/problematic, but you can’t actually figure out why you feel that way?

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my cat is quite large and only fits on my lap at a few angles, and so frequently our cuddle time devolves into him rearranging himself and dragging himself back onto my lap, and me trying not to yell as he digs his claws into my thighs

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wish i had a guardian angel who came and beat me up every time i tried to check my work email from home

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i just learned that portland’s police chief is literally named outlaw? what in the actual hell

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i’m getting to the age where people i knew in high school are starting to get married and like, what the hell

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the greeks at the gates of troy

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It’s INSANE to me how controversial romance novels are. Romance novels. Like, being openly a fan of them immediately opens you up to people constantly coming at you like “but don’t you think it’s ~limiting- and ~juvenile~ to have a genre of books with happy endings for women?”

Like.

No?

Why is it such a big deal to want to read stories where women have sex and then don’t die at the end? Jesus Christ.

Why is the concept of female characters being happy seen as less creative than female characters suffering? (Trust me, creating a world where women win in the end takes a lot more creativity and artistic vision lmfao)

Anyway, literary bros will pry my romance novels with their happy endings from my cold dead fingers.

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abab

assigned born at birth

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i don’t know if i have new neighbors (it’s a big complex so ppl move in and out all the time) or if it’s just been hot enough that they have their windows open, but the last couple nights i’ve been hearing raised voices a lot and it’s Stressing Me Out

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this is gonna sound silly maybe, but as a trans guy i’ve actually struggled to come to terms with my attraction to women. because growing up, i assumed i was straight sort of as a default, and only figured out i was into girls like a year, year and a half before i came out as trans. and by that time i had learned to think of male attraction to women as predatory and gross (which may have been helped along by lesbophobic stereotypes i had internalized when i thought i was a girl). i still like... struggle to be ok with the fact that i find women’s bodies appealing. i feel bad every time i glance at a woman walking down the street and find something about her attractive.

and i feel like this is a dumb thing to be struggling with, as a guy. but i genuinely don’t know how to be attracted to women without feeling like i have to keep myself on a tight leash because i must be dangerous. i can’t imagine ever making the first move with a woman i was attracted to. 

being into men feels almost easier because i don’t have to be as afraid of myself.

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wish there were any Iconic Gay musicians in the genres of music i actively enjoy listening to

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relatedly i stand by sushi burritos. are they authentic sushi? no. are they excessive? yes. but they satisfy a deep desire to cram as much raw fish into my mouth as i can, and as an american i deeply appreciate that.l

honestly, “let’s wrap this food in some kind of starch so that it can be efficiently stuffed into a hungry person’s mouth” is an excellent genre of food and i highly admire that kind of thinking

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honestly, “let’s wrap this food in some kind of starch so that it can be efficiently stuffed into a hungry person’s mouth” is an excellent genre of food and i highly admire that kind of thinking

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Memento mori, have a nice day