marleyrosetm

[marleyrosetm]

MARLEY: Thanks, Dani!! I'm trying to keep my expectations in check, but you know me! Chronic overthinker. MARLEY: And thank you! Honestly, I still can’t believe I get to say lines like “But you love LadySmith Black Mumbazo!” with a straight face. MARLEY: Tacos sound perfect. Let’s do it. I’ll even let you pick the playlist. (Unless it’s metal screamo. Then we’re fighting.)

DANI: totally fair. it's still early in the semester, don't put too much pressure on yourself DANI: thanks, dude! i'm pretty excited about it. congrats on cady's mom!! DANI: rad. i could do tacos or something??

[marleyrosetm]

That’s actually a really comforting way to look at it. Like, creativity doesn’t vanish, it just waits for you to pick it back up. I’ve been holding on to that idea a lot lately, trying not to panic when things don’t flow right away.

And I think what you’re doing totally counts. Sometimes being a part of someone else’s process is just as meaningful as being center stage. Probably more, honestly. It’s all part of the story, right?

You're more than welcome, Marley, and exactly. You got it, you're adjusting. It might take time, but you'll get there no doubt.

And I do believe that, once you're conditioned to be creative in one way or another, you don't ever truly lose it. You might get rusty, but nothing that can't be brought back into focus.

Thank you! That's true, and it did take me a while to really come to that conclusion but I feel like where I'm at now, it does still give me that opportunity to contribute indirectly by helping others.

[marleyrosetm]

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You’re going to make me cry before we’ve even written a note. That’s not fair! But… thank you. Really. I don’t always know how to accept kindness like that-- I usually deflect or offer someone a cookie-- but I’m going to try to let it sink in this time. You’re the sweetest.

And yes, obviously, musicals that dive headfirst into the messiness of being a person? That’s my entire heart. I love when a show refuses to give you simple answers and instead just lets the characters feel.

My personal musical ballad of death is probably “She Used to Be Mine” from Waitress. There’s just something about the way it captures regret and identity and tenderness that completely undoes me every time. It's so honest.

Okay but now we definitely need a playlist. Ballads that emotionally wreck us, songs that make us feel less alone, and everything in between. I’ll start the Google doc and fire up Logic.

[ PRIVATE ] Agreed. Immediately, agreed. Doesn't every great musical need a song that causes you to sob hysterically? At the moment, mine is veering towards 'Words Fail' from Dear Evan Hansen except I managed to find an even more superior version by a girly who LITERALLY kills it. And kills me. Musicals that are able to display the nuances between 'right' and 'wrong' and 'what REALLY is a villain?' really intrigue me. What's your go-to musical ballad of death?

Also, you literally deserve to blush all the time. You're gorgeous, insanely talented and I'm fairly certain I've NEVER wanted to share the spotlight or attention - so it's a total big deal that I'm willing to share the workload with you like this. I'm trying to say that without sounded totally big-headed and no way of wording it is coming out right, so I do apologise. Consider this my new mission - remind Marley how wonderful she is!!

[marleyrosetm]

Well, there are worse things to be addicted to, right?

I'm good at not letting it be abused, even if I am basically addicted to peppermint.

[marleyrosetm]

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Oh, Rachel. I’m so sorry it’s been like that. Sometimes people don't understand that you have to do what's best for you. But I’m proud of you for following your heart anyway. That takes guts, even if it doesn’t feel brave right now.

And yes, please. I’d love to hear your song. Practice room, snacks, and a listening ear. I’ll bring the good pens for edits.

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this week was brutal. i had a beautiful weekend and then i came back to reality and it was like a huge slap in the face. who knew that following your heart and trusting your gut would make me such a target of hatred? anyway, i finished the first draft of my song. want to hang out in a practice room and look it over with me?

[marleyrosetm]

You’re doing perfectly fine with words. I promise. And honestly? Half the time, I think people who care about how they say things are already ahead of the game. The rest of us are just trying to sound like we know what we’re doing. Language is weird. We’re all just making it up as we go.

well, i'm not good at words. i mess them up a lot. it's kind of embarrassing. i can memorize things okay, but in my regular day i am constantly saying and spelling words wrong. actually, i heard that it's not even "spelled wrong." you're supposably supposed to say "spelled incorrectly." so even if you say something's wrong, you're wrong. what sense does that make?

[marleyrosetm]

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Oh Rachel… I’m so glad this helped, even a little. I'm pretty surprised at how the list shook out. I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with it. I'm here if you need anything-- or if you have someone else you want to frantically text.

i can't wait to star in your musical, you beautiful girl, with your big, beautiful brain. i needed to read this today, too. i'm really struggling with the casting decisions and i don't have therapy until tuesday. i've just been frantically texting my dads.

[marleyrosetm]

the eras tour, but make it purple

[marleyrosetm]

tagging: marley rose and @gabrielmoreau

location: black box theater @ nyada

time: sunday evening

"I wish I were pretty, I wish I were brave." Cady's mom. Mrs. Heron. In theory, it shouldn't make Marley feel as bad as she does, but it solidifies a lot of things for her. Her age, which is rapidly creeping up there in terms of shelf life for a musical theatre lead, her body type, her appearance-- it's all wrong. No matter what, it's always been wrong, and Marley was probably stupid for auditioning in the first place. A graduate student, a songwriting major, no less, had little to no chance of making anything outside of a glorified ensemble track. "If I owned this city, then I'd..." she'd what? Make it a better place? Stop all of the noise? Give everyone a friend? "... make it behave," it gets scribbled down in her notebook and she sighs, slumping down at the piano. It's not even the fact that she wasn't good enough-- Marley could have told you that from the get go. It's the fact that she bothered to hope that maybe, she was. Movement flashes and she stares up at the person who's suddenly materialized in front of her. "Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need the space?"

[marleyrosetm]

I think being good at waiting is kind of a superpower. Most of us aren’t. I’m definitely still learning how to be patient.

Exactly. You have to let yourself believe it’ll shift at some point, or else you just end up stuck under the weight of it all. And it will shift. I believe that.

it's okay. i'm good at waiting.

exactly. you kind of have to, you know? otherwise it's all perpetual misery and eternal doom.

[marleyrosetm]

Well… now the pressure’s on. Guess I’ll just have to make sure it’s worth the wait. No promises on keeping you on the edge of your seat for too long, though. I’m not that mean.

And yes! Small victories. We’ll take them where we can.

your call. you could do both, though, just saying. ...not that i'd really want that, but... i guess it's only fair.

well, i'll be waiting on the edge of my seat for that very special day.

good! i'm glad we can agree on something.

[marleyrosetm]

That sounds so dangerous. I’ll try not to abuse the privilege, but no promises if it’s been one of those weeks.

Anything peppermint, honestly.

Hehe, just stop by my office during office hours and I'll see what we can do.

[marleyrosetm]

Okay, well now you’ve officially made it impossible for me to say no. And I think you’re selling yourself short! Everyone has a story to tell, and that makes everyone's attempt at writing very good..

i mean, i can't promise that i'll actually be any good, but to spend time with you i think i'd do just about anything.

[marleyrosetm]

Oh, Rachel… you’re going to make me cry. Truly. I don’t think you realize how much I needed to hear this, and how much I’ll probably come back to these words when I start second-guessing myself again (which happens more often than I like to admit).

I promise I’ll keep putting my work out there. Even when it scares me. Especially when it scares me. And knowing you’re in my corner? That makes it feel a little less impossible.

And listen, if I get to write a Tony-winning musical starring you? That would be the greatest joy of my life. We’ll take the world by storm, together. I love you so much. Thank you for believing in me.

oh, sweet girl. i can't express to you how much it means that my words resonated with you. you, after all, are the master of words, at least in my world. to hear that what i wrote resonated with you just makes my heart soar.

i feel as though i can only imagine a small percentage of how you must feel, and please know that i will stand up to anyone who would ever dare harm you with words or otherwise. you must put your work out there in spite of the lupones of the world. people will care, people will love you as much as i do. do not ever, ever think that's not the case.

and you're marley rose. you're going to write a tony award winning musical starring me, and we're both going to take the world by storm, no matter what. i. love. you.

[marleyrosetm]

MARLEY: Hey! You’re totally fine! I’ve been mostly hiding out with my notebook and pretending I’m getting work done (mixed results). MARLEY: Congratulations on Janis, by the way! You're going to absolutely kill it. Literally perfect casting. I'm so proud of you. MARLEY: Dinner sounds perfect, though. Takeout and dorm hang is exactly my speed tonight. Just say what you’re in the mood for and I’m in. 🌸

TEXTS 📲 DARLEY.

DANI: hey! i feel like i've been MIA all weekend so just checking in. what have you been doing? DANI: feel like grabbing dinner tonight if you don't have plans? we can totally do takeout and eat in the dorm @marleyrosetm

[marleyrosetm]

Oh wow. Okay. How am I supposed to answer this without immediately blushing?? You’re giving me way too much credit, but also now my brain won’t shut up about it, so here we are.

And yes, I was absolutely glued to what Barlow and Bear did. Watching them made it feel like the door’s a little more open than we thought, right? Like… maybe the rules aren’t so rigid. Maybe we can make space for the stories we need but haven’t been given yet. Maybe we can have Wicked but Glinda and Elphaba get each other in the end.

So, yes. I’m in. But if we do this, just promise me one thing: we’re allowed at least one song that makes people cry into their ice cream at 2 AM. Non-negotiable.

First of all, I’m already tearing up and the box hasn’t even arrived yet, so that’s where I’m at emotionally. You’re too kind and I do not deserve you, but I’m learning to just say thank you instead of arguing, so… thank you. Truly.

I’m okay, mostly. Balancing classes, my thesis musical, trying not to spiral when I accidentally compare myself to everyone else in the hallway. You know. Light stuff.

And yes, those boots!! I remember that episode. They feel like an essential part of your villain origin story (in the best way).

As for what I’m writing… bits and pieces. Mostly about what it feels like to want something big without knowing if you’re brave enough to chase it. I’ll show you the messier drafts soon, if you want.

[marleyrosetm]

Setting: NYADA's Theatre

Time: Marley's Audition

Synopsis: Marley auditions for Mean Girls with Home from Beetlejuice, the Musical. It's a risk, but a calculated one.

Marley wore the yellow skirt. The one that always made her feel like warmth. Like she could glow a little, even if the nerves underneath were doing a full tap routine from Anything Goes. She braided her hair back ala Katniss Everdeen with steady hands and left a teabag in her pocket like a good luck talisman. If she was going to panic, she wanted to do it looking like she belonged to the sun.

She picked “Home” from Beetlejuice for her audition. Not because it was a typical choice, but because it said something she hadn’t been able to put into words. The song was quiet until it wasn’t. Soft until it demanded to be heard. She understood that. It felt like telling the truth in a room where people might finally listen.

It had been years since she’d auditioned for anything. Not since her first round of college before. Before she changed majors, before the eating disorder, before everything unraveled. Back then, the stage had felt like a spotlight and a magnifying glass all at once. She had stepped away slowly, telling herself she preferred being behind the music. That she didn’t need to be seen to be whole. But something inside her had missed it every day.

They called her in early. She fumbled a pencil and laughed too quickly, like that might cancel out the way her stomach dropped. She handed the sheet music to the accompanist and wished she'd thought to play it herself. “I’m okay,” she repeated to herself like a mantra, though what she really meant was, If I stop to think, I might not start at all.

She stood center stage and looked past the table of faces, willing herself not to shrink. “Mama, I could use some help here…” The first line felt too close to home. Her voice was steady, but the words caught in her chest. Not because she forgot them, but because they knew her. Every verse felt like pulling something out from behind her ribs and offering it gently, hoping no one would laugh.

She wasn’t a Regina. She was barely an ensemble member. But middle school Marley, the one who sat in the back of choir class humming under her breath, the one who thought spotlighted girls were a different species, would never believe she was here at all. In wedge sandals with edging she'd crocheted herself. In yellow. Singing with her whole heart.

By the time she reached the bridge, something shifted. The song swelled and so did she. Marley didn’t know if they could hear how much she meant it, but she felt it. And for once, that was enough.

She walked offstage without checking anyone’s faces. Her hands shook. Her knees wobbled a little. But she’d sung the truth, for the first time in a very long time. And maybe that was what made it home.