marms-momentos

[marms-momentos]

Struggling with original thoughts

Someone asked me recently "Do you have anything to add or original thoughts? Not just regurgitation..?"

They didn't ask in a mean way at all but it definitely sparked some less than positive emotions. But then, why did that question spark them? What is dormant within me that resonate with that question? I think having Ne as a dominant function, I didn't realize how much I was absorbing information without really processing it. It's so so easy to just listen and reiterate people's thoughts without adding any of my own. Most of the time, it makes them very happy too. It feels as though the possibilities are endless, and if I were to express one form of my take, I would be excluding another possibility that is just as accurate. But pleasing others and just being a sponge to information isn't how I want to live for the next (hopefully) 65 years. I don't know really how to talk about my own opinions. I like theories and objective forms of thought. I really enjoy listening to other people's thoughts but when asked, "What do you think?" I never have anything to say. Nothing of my own at least, and I think that's why the question really threw me off. Not because "oh, no one ever cares about me or my opinions boo-hoo" but someone was challenging my opinions and was genuinely curious! For the first time, someone wasn't just happy I agreed with them but was prying into my own reasonings! It was a shove towards the realization that my Ni is freaking garbage! Thank goodness for good friends who challenge us to become the best versions of ourselves.

So for 2025, there will be a couple of goals I will set. Instead of attempting to force my brain to create an opinion (about anything, I am being vague ik mb), I am going to intake as much information as I can about topics I care about. Then I will actually s i t with it, sifting through the data points until I can conclude to something that I find accurate and valuable. Consuming educational content is nothing if I don't end up being educated by the end of it. Listening is not the goal for the coming year, understanding in silence will be. And I don't want to just blab it out either, it's too easy to talk and not walk. I guess this blog will be a diary of how it goes!