marnin-n-selp

[marnin-n-selp]

2018-07-17

[marnin-n-selp]

Enchanted Valley, October 2021

[marnin-n-selp]

[marnin-n-selp]

most of the time everything sucks but when the sky is blanketed in dark blue-grey clouds after heavy raining and the sun starts to peek through the clouds so that the tops of trees glint pale green and every white structure is starkly, blindingly silhouetted against the sky i’m ok.

[marnin-n-selp]

Isabella, sunny mountains.

// My ko-fi🌹

[marnin-n-selp]

[marnin-n-selp]

objectively, the worst thing abt marnin is the fact that he’s Undeniably A Bottom but the dynamic he has with his partner means he’s gotta top. it’s not like he dislikes it don’t get me wrong but like, put marnin with a human man and things would be VERY different

[marnin-n-selp]

[[I changed the POV to match an existing story, RIP]]

“You’re so fake, so heroic, aren’t you?” she hissed. “Pretending like you never thought once of yourself, of the good things in it for you, if you rescued him-“

“And so what if I did!” I stood suddenly, and though she didn’t flinch, her antennae shifted. I glared at her. “How dare I, huh? How dare I think that maybe, just maybe, saving an innocent being would make my life feel like it was worth something. In the hellish society I lived in, where each person’s value was dictated by the capital they could produce, where my famiy worked themselves into their graves and I was on course to follow, how dare I do a good thing because it made me feel good? Because it made me feel like I was working for more than to line the pockets of my oppressors. You know what, Mekin?”

She did flinch when I said her name, her cyan skin tinting indigo, and her expression shifted. I ground my teeth, leaning across the table towards her.

“Fuck you. You sit here in your ivory tower of militant rage and suspicion and look at me as though I’m the one with even an ounce of power. You close your eyes to all reason and like a coward you call me a threat. You seek to control my every action, to read my every thought, and to curb my every desire, and you have the absolute gall to call me a terrorist. Do you know what you are, Mekin? You’re a fascist. Does that word even translate? I hope so. You seek to divide me from my support and turn me against my own interest. You want to eliminate me because you think I am a threat. You think I am a threat because you refuse to understand me.”

I paused to heave air into my tight chest. “I have dealt with people like you my whole life,” I gasped. My hands clenched into fists on the table. “Until now I have had little to no drive to fight them. But I will not be separated from my life. I will not let you drive a wedge between Selp and I. He is my support. I refuse to let you turn me against him, and I refuse to let you turn me against myself.

I felt lightheaded, and I fell into the chair, fists still upon the table. The silence stretched between us.

“Isshol,” she called quietly, her voice rough. “Take him back. I’ve nothing left to say to him.”

The tall guard stepped by her side. “The other one, Major?”

“Take them both back. I don’t want to see them again.”

“Play coy with the others, Earthling, but I see through you.” She stepped to him, eyes hard. “One stupid little act of kindness and you want everyone to—“

“I didn’t do that,” he started, his voice louder now, “for anyone but him.”

“Like hell!” Her fist came down on the tabletop.

[marnin-n-selp]

not to compare people bc its “unfair” or whatever yadda yadda but to think. that i have friends now who literally messaged me to offer to help me pay off my student loans every month. and the person who used to call herself my best friend manipulated some calculations to conclude that i owed her like $250 that she admitted she didn’t need AND THEN tried to hold me financially responsible for my sister refusing to go along with any of that bullshit and tacked what she “owed” her onto what i supoosedly do. idk i know the economy sucks and all but uhhhh yeah idk abt that man.

[marnin-n-selp]

i love the contrast between mavius and helene. mavius is a chicken shit yellow bellied coward and helene is so fucking feral and unhinged and unapologetic. siblings are so fun

[marnin-n-selp]

bro i need to not worry about recording everything that happens every single moment of marnin’s life..........it’s okay to skip over stuff. this fucking thing is going to need a rewrite for sure, as all things do, but i’m already not looking forward to ittttt 😩😩😩 i’m mayyyyyybe halfway done with the story. i’m at about 45,000 words. but thinking about how much superfluous bullshit i’m gonna have to cut out makes me like ughhhhhh will this even be long enough to count as a novel...............my intention for it was always as a visual novel/webcomic anyway but i dont have enough timeeeee to draw these days so i’m playing with the idea of making it a novel. and like since i dont intend to publish anywhere but my own website anyway i guess it doesn’t matter how long it is by industry standard but stilllllll idk it’s all very annoying. i’m also like afraid to finish the story because. then what will i do. i CANT be done with marnin and selp not EVER i cant imagine not thinking abt them every day gosh.......theyre such self-inserts but i still wuv them so much. i’ll end up thinking about them on my fucking death bed.

[marnin-n-selp]

god selp really stepped onto that ship and was like “okay. so starting now marnin is my boyfriend.” and didn’t even think to tell marnin. also how does selp know what a boyfriend is. i’m having a rough time trying to decide if romance is in any way a part of olss culture. i like the idea of him having no idea what to do and marnin only having vague ideas of what romance is that he got thru osmosis while he plummeted thru life with tunnel vision and so they sort of have to make it up together as they go along........its just an idea i like 😩😩