martinascanf

[martinascanf]

hands

[martinascanf]

“I flip open the book in front of me and land on a picture of Peter Pan leading Wendy out her window to Neverland, which warms and breaks my heart at the same time. It reminds me of my childhood, and when I believed in shit like that. When I believed that when something goes wrong and the monsters decide to come for you, some fantastical imaginary friend from the box of VHS tapes under the tv would somehow just know that you were in trouble and would come to your rescue. It’s such a bitch when the day comes where you finally have to shed your fantasies, and no matter how long you try and put it off, you eventually and unfortunately have to grow up. Because after your teenage years start melting away, after all the beer bongs, backseats and premature broken hearts, life will inevitably start dragging you kicking and screaming headfirst into adulthood, and you have no say in the matter. There’s no rewind button, and you can only put yourself on pause for so long after the moment when you realize that your parents aren’t super heroes and that they aren’t always going to be there to fight your battles for you. There’s always going to be periods of time in life when it’s going to be just you, and that if you’re going to make it, you have to be your own hero within a reality that can be so hard to stomach. In my heart I know that nobody’s going to come rescue me from this, and that it really is all up to me. Nobody’s going to come for me in the way that I want them to. Nobody’s going to save me. So whatever, fuck it. I guess I’ll just do it myself. I’ll save me instead. But god fucking damn it, I wish he was real. I wish that I was someone’s Wendy Darling. I wish that someone braver and stronger than me would show up out of the blue and rush me off to the sky and to a place where I would be young forever. But it was in that moment, this moment, that I let the fantasies fade and accepted the reality that I’ve stumbled into, and that I will learn how to fight my monsters on my own if I have to. But if for whatever reason all our fantasies ever decide to switch places with our bitter realities, and it does actually fucking happen, if I ever break free from this rusty cage and fly, then so help me God, if you’re like me and you’re ever in trouble, expect me, because I will fucking come back for you. I promise. I let out a melodramatic sigh and roll my eyes at myself and my constant stream of overly-analytical poetic thoughts. I stare at the picture for a few seconds, reluctantly pick up a green crayon off the table, and slowly begin adding color to the blank page.”

— CAMERON BEYRENT

[martinascanf]

Sex Education Soundtrack - Best of 

[martinascanf]

The black cloud - Anxiety

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this for an hour: I’ll try to explain how having anxiety feels like.

Imagine a very dark, dirty, heavy and cold cloud, which is always following you. This Black Cloud is full of negativity and paranoia, and sadness and bad thoughts. Some days you just live with it and accept that it’s there, following you. There are even days, when you manage to forget about it.

But very often, at ANY time, the cloud catches you. And as soon as it does, the darkness, the negativity, the cold, surround you and get inside of your body. You start feeling it in your stomach and it’s so heavy, and hurts so badly.

So your stomach starts hurting, and you get nausea, your heart starts racing, you can’t breathe, you start shaking and you kind of see everything through a courtain made of negativity. Suddenly, everything is negative. Suddenly, a lot of bad things can happen to you, and you can’t help thinking about all the negative things about yourself and your life. You are afraid.

To avoid thinking, you start distracting yourself and doing anything to get as busy as you can, but you can’t always do it. So when you let the thoughts overcome you, it gets worse and worse everytime, until you can’t take it anymore.

And while you are overthinking, all the people who don’t feel anxiety come to your mind. You think that they are living their life at their best and enjoying things, while you just can’t, because the Black Cloud can catch you at any time.

And you wish you could just go back to when you could enjoy things, too, without having random bad thoughts that spoil everything. You wish you could also eat unhealthy things at any time of night, like your friends do, without having fear of vomiting. You wish there was even ONLY ONE person you could talk to, that could understand you, so that you knew you are not alone.

But you’re alone.

And sometimes you somehow manage to overcome those feelings, and that’s beautiful. But sometimes you can’t do so. And that’s where you understand that you’ve failed.

And that’s one of the worst feelings ever.

[martinascanf]

Reasons why Cold Months are the best:

No bugs

Warm Sweaters, Boots & Comfy Clothing

Halloween

Thanksgiving

Christmas

New Years

Soup

Cozy Blankets & Cuddling

Hot Chocolate & Pumpkin Spice Lattes

Beautiful Snow

Gorgeous Autumn Trees

Crisp Air

Pumpkin Picking

Rockefeller Centre Christmas Tree in NYC

The Scents & Tastes

Christmas & Halloween Movies and TV Specials

The Atmosphere & Lights & Decorations

No Bugs

No Bugs

No Bugs

[martinascanf]

guys I actually shed a tear

[martinascanf]

can i get some uhh…professionalism and respect towards finn wolfhard??

[martinascanf]

Ansia di merda

Stavo pensando al fatto che avere l’ansia è una delle cose peggiori in assoluto. E non parlo dell’ansia “genuina”, quella che viene anche un po’ macchiettizzata sui social, quell’ansia comune ed umana che si ha in situazioni quotidiane, come quando si deve fare una verifica, o un esame, o si deve scrivere alla persona che ci piace. Parlo dell’ansia VERA, quella pesante, quella che non fa addormentare la sera, quella che fa avere le crisi, quella che fa tremare e toglie il respiro.

Ed è una cosa terrificante, perché fa vivere la vita sotto un’altra prospettiva, sotto ad un velo nero di negatività. Situazioni che il giorno prima erano normalissime e tranquille, il giorno dopo sono disturbanti e creano agitazione. I momenti belli diventano un po’ meno belli. Le persone che ti facevano stare bene, all’improvviso non lo fanno più. Ogni pensiero è un pensiero negativo, ogni novità è inaccettabile, dannosa.

E magari si riesce anche a capire che “è solo nella tua testa”, ma non ci si può far nulla. E questo fa incazzare, fa sentire ancora più ansiosi, perché insomma, se è solo nella tua testa basta non pensarci, no? Eh, no. Perché è l’ansia a sempre con te. Perché non ti lascia. Perché anche se per un po’ di tempo non si fa sentire, lei c’è. Ed è pronta ad attaccarti, a farti sentire debole, a rovinare ogni tuo momento. E quindi si vive con la paura di aver paura. Si passa ogni momento della propria vita ad aspettarsi che da un momento all’altro si sentirà quel familiare rantolo, quella maledetta stretta allo stomaco, quell’inspiegabile dolore.

È così. E lo si accetta e basta.

E ci si sente esterni a tutto, di un passo indietro agli altri.

Ma è così.

[martinascanf]

I will learn to love the skies I’m under.

Mumford & Sons, Hopeless Wanderer (via ohafterthestorm)

[martinascanf]

i cant wait till those late december days

when it’s snowing and you don’t know if it’s day or night because of the clouds covering the sky, and everything on the car radio is christmas music 🎄

[martinascanf]

via @extramadness

[martinascanf]

good LORD i can’t even gif some scenes from last night without crying

[martinascanf]

I can’t think of clues or of evidence but only the content of her smile.

[martinascanf]

via @grungelifee

[martinascanf]

Me after tonight’s Twin Peaks episode.

[martinascanf]

“Will you marry me?” (2x16) // “Marry me.” (3x15)

[martinascanf]