massiveassrelay

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Things my new physio has said to me, part 2.

“So I know we agreed to give you a break this week and just do general massage for pain relief but I’m not sure how you’re actually breathing right now so we’re going to fix that real quick. The human rib cage is not supposed to do that…that is…stop that…”

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“Do you remember our discussion about the use of a safe word if the pain gets too much? Good. Cause this is going to hurt.”

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“…what kind of blog?”

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“You know I’ve been called a sadist many times—I’m glad you find that funny, because you’re the one who keeps coming back for more.” 

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“You’re flinching, what’s wrong? What do you mean it tickles?“

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“Stop laughing. I have a reputation to maintain.”

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“So when did you shatter your left leg, was that in the car accident? …are you sure you never broke this leg? Fractured? …are you absolutely sure? It’s just…okay, hang on.”

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“Oh, I see, it’s your right hip causing the inversion on the left knee…okay then. Good to know. We can work with that.”

(No one has been able to figure out why my body is turning inward and my step is uneven, so this is pretty huge for me as I’ve lost a lot of lower mobility over the last five years. He’s pin pointed it to a pelvic subluxation that doesn’t present as a typical pelvic subluxation, which is why no one noticed it when looking at why my kneecaps hurt (but not my actual pelvic area when walking). We also had a fun and open chat about painful sex, and how my diagnosis of vulvodynia “without cause”, likely stems from this. So we have a goal to get my pelvis working again \o/)

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“On a scale of one to wanting to punch me, how bad does it hurt when I do this? Ha, missed.”

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“You can call me names if it’d help. I don’t mind.”

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“Okay raise your middle finger at me. On the arm I’m working on.”

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“It’s going to feel like I’m pressing my knee into your back. And that’s because I am.”

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“Okay, on three, give me all your weight and let me twist for you. Trust me, you don’t want to fight me on this. We’re getting your shoulders to sit level tonight if it kills one of us, and I’m not the one with my neck in someone else’s hands.”

*

“I love your hat. You should see mine. Here look, it’s a Tilley. It keeps the sun from reflecting off my bald head and blinding unsuspecting birds.”

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So hey I was replaying BOTW and I noticed something.

If you catch a frog, and then take it out of your bag to cook it, but put it on the ground instead, it jumps away

Do you guys know what that means

Link’s pockets are full of live frogs and I support him

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aubrey little after she visits heathcliff and gets the enchantment on her jacket 

✨ Buy Me a Coffee ✨

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if your apprentice was in the game, what would their trinkets on the wheel be?

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“It’s a pod! It’s a pod of models!”

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DM: Okay, so you come across a shop- Player 1: I want to buy 50 flasks of oil. Rest of the party, remembering that Player 1 has Fireball: NO.

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Me to my anxiety : can u like calm down these people don’t even think about you Depression : ever Me: that’s not what I meant

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who wants an unpopular fucking hot take

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Source

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Um… how the fuck is there a lure on an unreachable pokestop? Like, I’m watching this thing, and there are no boats near it. Why is there a stop even out there?

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new critrole character fuckers

✨ Consider Buying Me a Coffee ✨ 

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Kindness is often mistaken for softness and let me tell you, friends….that is a mistake you don’t want to make. 

Kind people are not born that way, they do not stumble into it, kind people are forged in fire and darkness and imploding stars…they have steel cores. Throw a punch and you’re going to break your hand. 

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You know that part in movies where the main character turns on their car radio and the song that’s playing slowly fades in and becomes the movies background music? I like that

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gonna nail down a specific design in the morning, but for now, just a little drawing

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I do feel bad for plants in general. Like, I know they are often as vicious as animals in many ways, just slower. But, I mean, they just show up and they’re like, “I Think I Will Evolve To Eat The Sun And Also Make Oxygen And How Now Is All This.” And, like, everything fucking dies at first (totally not plants fault, btw. okay maybe it was but they didn’t mean to) but then new things evolve. And they’re like, “Fuck it, eating each other suuuucks. Let’s eat the plants which give us life.” And so we start doing that. And plants are all, “Oh Dear No, I Do Not Care At All For Being Eaten. I Will Make Myself Into Poison Sometimes.” But, y'know, stuff kept eating plants anyway so plants, ever the bro, came up with a new idea. “I Have Made A Decision About Being Eaten And You May Eat Me Friends And Here Is An Especially Tasty Bit Packed All Full of Delicious Sugars Which I Have Produced At Great Cost (What They Do Not Know Is That My Seeds Are Within And Shall Be Propagated Near And Far By Their Dung)“ But that’s not good enough for animals, no, not at all. We love the fuck out of some pomegranates but also alliums which are like, “I Have Not Decided To Go In For This Being Eaten Business. I Shall Be Very Foul Tasting And Also A Poison.” But no, sorry, onions, you fucked up. You accidentally wound up with a species that just doesn’t give up or fully comprehend the idea of things tasting “”‘bad’“’ or other concepts like not eating poison. (Sorry, plants, later we turn some of you who are not poison into a poison we consume recreationally. We really enjoy eating poison.)  Legit, alliums are deadly to, like, every other species. And we call them aromatics and throw them in everything. Peppers are the best, though. They completely got on the being eaten train. BUT ONLY BIRDS Peppers are like, “You May Eat Me, Fair Avian, For You Are Sure To Spread Me A Great Distance. But, Mammal, Take HEED. Should You Eat Me Then I Will Burn You Most Terribly.” And we were all about that. “The FUCK, burning? I love pain,” said humans, presumably. “You know, peppers, you and evolution have done a good job at burning us but I am pretty sure we could make your chemical agony even more potent. Come hang with us,” humans added to a very confused pepper just before creating the ghost chili.