mattinoel

[mattinoel]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[mattinoel]

Sometimes a family is:

You (a literal monster)

Your (tastefully cannibalistic, performance artist) mom

Her gay doctor best friend that she gets together with in their forties

Your old money dad (Mom's ex-husband)

His husband (gentrifier)

Your parents dead son (whose memories You kind of have? And who's lung you grew from after being fed chicken broth?)

Grandma

Grandma's cleaning lady (They might be fucking)

Uncle Joe (doesn't talk but VERY supportive of you being a monster)

The many, many dead neighborhood pets you've eaten (actually, that might not be part of the family. That might just be snacks)

[mattinoel]

every time i get a migraine i just dreamily think about trepanation

[mattinoel]

me: morning people aren’t just the kind of people that wake up earlier, but they are also the kind of people that are able to get more things done in a shorter window of time, since “morning” is a shorter part of a day than “night” is

the handsome mage woman who just pulled me out of a demonic skeleton pit and revived my wounds: do you think the morning might seem like a shorter part of the day to you because you don’t get up very early?

me: no it’s definitely that other thing I said. did you still wanna make out btw

[mattinoel]

[mattinoel]

i think the reason why the assassination of Julius Caesar is one of the funniest political assassinations is for this very simple reason:

1 guy stabs 1 guy: not funny. that's murder.

2 guys stab 1 guy: even less funny. that's two against one.

60 guys stab 1 guy: uproariously funny. why do you need so many guys.

[mattinoel]

Obsessed with lovers and piners calling the object of their affections their best friend. Like yessss blur the lines between platonic and romantic love. show how important they are to you in a multifaceted way. Cover up your feelings with another kind of love that is just as true. One type of love does not negate the other and but tragedy can rip both out from under you single handedly, and it will hurt so much more that way. Losing a friend and a lover. Gaining both and not needing any labels for what they are. Using labels but having it be so much more than a title. Were they friends before they were lovers? Or were they lovers whose friendship grew inside of their love? Unclear! Who cares!

[mattinoel]

Ballister's eyes x the internet

[mattinoel]

Go watch Nimona, it's really good

[mattinoel]

☁︎@reniadeb☁︎

[mattinoel]

A demon simply called The Brother. It doesn't have siblings or any family, and it's ambiguous whether that creature itself is even male at all. It just keeps turning everything and everyone into broth.

[mattinoel]

[mattinoel]

if i was in jurassic park i'd be fine because the dinosaurs would love me and therefore not eat me

[mattinoel]

jurassic park has a good philosophical message but unfortunately the only thing i ever take away from watching jurassic park is "god i wish i could go to jurassic park." like yeah it's a blatantly obvious don't create the torment nexus scenario, but this torment nexus has DINOSAURS.

[mattinoel]

richard siken, the language of birds / rae armantrout, prayers

[Text ID: The fear: that nothing survives. The greater fear : that something does.

The fear / that all this will end. / The Fear / that it won't. /End ID]

[mattinoel]

on everyone's soul this is what happened

[mattinoel]

it's funny that we were all so worried about viktor's villain arc and then jayce was like L + ratio + here's my unconditional love and forgiveness + i always thought your imperfections were beautiful + nothing about you is broken to me + in every universe i will find you and save you from your loneliness + none of this is worth it if you arent by my side. and viktor folded IMMEDIATELY