matty-flamhaff

[matty-flamhaff]

she's in your bones

Not much of his time was spent on self-reflection. If anything, Matthew Flamhaff was someone hellbent on forgetting his past and focusing completely on the present. Through sheer luck more than hard work, puberty had worked in his favor, and he was unrecognizable from his teenage self. He had managed to move to the city and become a photographer, and while it didn’t earn him a lot of money, it was something he had always dreamed of. Speaking of which, somehow he managed to convince a beautiful woman to accept a marriage proposal, and he was set to get married in a matter of weeks. He was almost certain that Wendy was the love of his life. At least, he had been given no reason to believe otherwise.

And then Jenna Rink walked back into his life, tearfully and dramatically and so much like the girl who had once been his best friend that he had no idea how to turn her away. Matt had never been very good at voicing his feelings. She had thrown a dollhouse at his head and subsequently broken his heart, and throughout high school he mostly spent his time trying to avoid the most popular girl in school. It was easy, considering how thoroughly she ignored him, but she was everywhere he looked. Despite her sudden and complete personality shift, he couldn’t stop himself from caring about her. Jenna was a different person, without explanation, and this new person wasn’t the girl he had fallen in love with. But this was something he had only processed on an intellectual level, not something his heart could easily come to terms with.

Looking through the yearbook was like another knife in the back, and whether she knew it or not, with every turning page she turned the blade a little more. It was a wound he thought had healed after he graduated, but seeing her again, after more than a decade, he realized that nothing had really changed. Except that, realistically, everything had changed. He was different from middle school Matty and he had watched Jenna change. He couldn’t explain her behavior now, unless it was a very convoluted and complicated scheme to embarrass him yet again. Even Jenna wouldn’t be that immature. 

When she asked him to bring a portfolio of his photographs to a cafe so they could catch up for real, he really thought about saying no. He should have said no. What he should have said was that he didn’t want to catch up, or get to know her again, because she had the chance to know him and she chose Tom-Tom and the other Six Chicks instead. It was all so stupid, but that was kind of the point. Jenna had abandoned him for so little and she knew he didn’t have anyone else. Maybe she didn’t know how strongly he felt about her, but she knew that he cared, that dumping him would hurt. And yet.

“Yeah, it’s not much. I know you’re used to seeing more polished stuff, that’s just not really...my style.” Matt gripped his coffee mug between both hands, worrying he might shatter it if he wasn’t careful. This entire situation was so mind-bogglingly weird and awkward and she was acting like it was nothing. Like barging into his apartment out of the blue and crying into his fluffy pillow was something she might do any day.

[matty-flamhaff]

Charlie Cox on the First Time He Owned a Leather Jacket

[matty-flamhaff]

You can’t just.. turn back time.