mauvenon

[mauvenon]

toxic family members.

mag uumagahan nalang sa pilipinas, ang nakahain pala e pag ccompare ng achievements ng bawat isa. pagalingan, payabangan, kaninong anak ang mas matalino, mas madiskarte, mas nakakapag english. ano pa?

pharmacist lang yan, madali lang trabaho. si ano, nurse yan mahirap ginagawa nila. 🤯

kung sino pa yung nakaasa nalang sa kamag-anak, malalakas pa loob mag salita ng ganyan. pataasan ng ihi? yun nalang ambag, ang mag kumpara? hindi nalang matuwa na may mga nagsisimula na sa pamilyang ito na maging maayos para matapos na ang lintik na kahirapan natin e.

nakakawalang gana umuwi sa pilipinas e. maaalala ko talaga yung main reason bakit ginusto kong umalis. mismong mga tao sa pamilya mo dumudurog sa utak mo.

[mauvenon]

tinatamad ako sumama sa mga labas ng ka-work ko lately. mga pinoy din sila tapos iniinvite naman nila ako, pero parang wala lang talaga akong energy. di ko alam kung dahil ba hindi rin ako okay or hindi ko lang ba talaga sila masyadong feel makasama outside of work?

[mauvenon]

george bass coastal walk, january 2025 🏃🏻‍♀️

loved the high this walk gave me — the best 14km of my life?! haha oa! but i'll definitely go back and see if i can finish it without too many pauses in between.

[mauvenon]

idk if ako ba problema pero pag may pinupuna kasi yung boss ko, para akong hindi mapakali na takot na takot. i-ooverthink ko na hanggang sa next few days. iniisip ko na-trauma ata ako kasi dati pag pinagsasabihan niya ako, sobra yung inis niya tipong parang wala na akong ginawang tama. tinatry ko maging pulido work ko and maingat ako all the time, e kanina meron siyang gusto na ginagawa ko dapat (hindi ako mali, may hindi lang nagawa). tapos nag message siya sakin, naiimagine ko habang binabasa ko message niya na iniirapan niya ako or tumataas boses na ngayon natatakot na ko pumasok bukas. nasira tuloy araw ko ngayon. o iniisip ko din, hindi lang ba ako marunong mag handle ng feedback? hay ewan ko ba.

[mauvenon]

i have been trying for years to be consistent with journaling. i started with bullet journaling but found it exhausting. then i tried reflective journaling, but i always ended up stopping mid-year. i stuck to daily planning and occasionally added random things, but by the end of the year, i felt like i hadn’t accomplished anything creative.

then i learned about junk journaling. i started this year and have been consistent with it. each week, i use a full page to collate junk i’ve collected. i don’t need to spend much on materials since i use junk to create the spread. so far, i’ve been enjoying it and can see myself sticking with it in the long run.

[mauvenon]

nadala ko parents ko sa australia for a holiday! 🥹🥹🥹

sobrang heart-warming. first airplane ride nila at first international trip. masaya ako dahil alam kong napapasaya ko sila. at lalong masaya dahil makakasama ko ulit sila na medyo matagal. nung pag sundo ko sa kanila sa airport, isa sa unang sinabi pa ni daddy, hindi man namin akalain na makakadating kami dito.

i hope they live long enough to see me succeed and allow me to let them live the life they deserve.

[mauvenon]

guess who's starting a matcha obsession 🍵✨

[mauvenon]

i want to find my own circle here. when i first arrived here in australia, i went to a place where i knew someone from uni and was automatically absorbed into the group of friends she already had. i initially thought we all matched and would be a solid circle for a long time. however, there were many times when i felt left out and not considered which is when i started to drift away.

when i moved places, i took another job where i knew someone again. once more, i tried to befriend the people she was already friends with. but it's different this time, although they dont make me feel left out, it's hard to truly include myself into a circle that has already built core memories of their own.

i am kind of wanting to move jobs because of this reason — to be in a place where i dont know anyone and see if i can make friends on my own. but i'm also wanting to try and join friend-making groups soon and i hope i find people i vibe with there.

[mauvenon]

cape schanck, december 2024 🌊

had a wonderful trip to this stunning boardwalk with breathtaking coastal views. no fees because we also packed our own food so we didn't have to spend anything extra. days like this are the best!

[mauvenon]

[mauvenon]

i read a post recently that said, being an introvert is different from having zero social skills. tbh, i paused and thought about it for a while. i thought, what if i've been calling myself an introvert? but i'm actually just socially inept? that thought hit me hard and i started overthinking if that's why i dont have many friends.

but yesterday, my friend's partner and cousin came over for drinks with my partner. my friend stayed since she was driving them home later. before they came, i felt a bit anxious — i wasn't sure if i'd be able to entertain her the whole night. but everything turned out fine, at least for me. we kept the conversation going for hours. there were a few minutes of phone scrolling, but most of the time, we were catching up and jumping from one topic to another.

that made me realize i'm not socially awkward. i'm just more comfortable in smaller groups or one-on-one conversations. and about not having many friends? maybe i'm just picky about who i let into my life, and honestly, that's okay.

[mauvenon]

happy new year — hello 2025! 🎆

we decided to stay in our neighborhood and just look for a good spot to watch the city's fireworks. there were gonna be lots of people and it didn't seem worth the hassle anymore. after the 8-minute display of melbourne, we headed home and watched sydney's incredible fireworks display instead. thinking about celebrating there next year!

[mauvenon]

peak people-pleaser attitude

earlier this month, i got free coffee vouchers from some random people when i was sitting at the park. i asked my partner if we could avail it today since we dont have anything to do anyway. thoughts are, yay free coffee — no need to spend anything.

we arrived at the coffee shop, showed the voucher, and they accepted it. my people-pleaser ass decided to act up today when the lady asked me, anything else?

i smiled and said, how much for this cookie?

no, i dont even like the cookie, how do i get out from this?

she replied, $6.50.

yeah, can i get one? fuck. what's wrong with you, grace?

sure, but with the card surcharge it's gonna be $7.26, would that be alright?

say no, nevermind!!! but again, i replied, yup, that's okay!

what was i thinking 😩 the main reason i was happy to avail the coffee was because i knew i wouldn't be spending anything. instead, i paid for a cookie i didn't even want because i thought they might see me as someone who's just there for free stuff.

so what??? this is what i've been teaching myself since. let other people have opinions about me — it wouldn't really matter anyway.

[mauvenon]

i never really wanted pharmacy or anything healthcare-related. i just didn’t have a choice because we were trying to save on expenses, and the uni near our house only offered pre-med courses. despite not wanting what i was studying, i still did my best to help with finances by aiming for a scholarship every semester.

fortunately, i graduated with latin honors and passed the board exam. at that time, i thought maybe pharmacy wasn’t such a bad idea after all. i was excited to start a career in the hospital and had dreams of practicing clinical pharmacy. i even pursued the doctor of pharmacy program for professional growth and to possibly increase my chances of migrating to the US. however, the pandemic happened, and everything was put on pause.

i then learned about the opportunity to move to australia and decided to take that path instead. the journey to becoming a pharmacist in another country was expensive and tough, but i eventually made it.

now that i’m actually in the profession, i just know that i’m not happy. yes, the pay is good, and i can somehow support the lifestyle i want. but i really feel stuck. i know this is not something i want to do for the rest of my life.

i keep seeing posts that say, you dont have to love your job, you just have to love the life it pays for. so now idk, should i really just try and tolerate until i can? idk.

[mauvenon]

merry christmas to everyone! 🎄

this year, it was just my partner and me. we had a small celebration with some food for noche buena and a bottle of tequila. blasted the tv with some christmas songs and took pictures in matching sweaters to start a tradition we plan to continue every year.

[mauvenon]

[mauvenon]

i made it til friday, i survived a five-day work week!

since november, i've only been working less than five days a week. some days i took annual leave cause we went to sydney, some were half days cause it was so dead in the pharmacy, some were mental health breaks, and some were sick leave. idk, i've just been all over the place these past few weeks but i know i've lost motivation. i'm happy i got through this week and i hope everything gets better in the weeks to come.